Episode 46 - Beth Ratliff

Beth shares a moment in her life that divided it into "before" and "after".  Listen in as she shares how the Lord was with her through her grief.  She is now able to offer hope and encouragement to others that are experiencing the loss of a child.  

Transcript

Becki 0:10

Hello, I'm Becki Dowd, and this is The Journey to Salvation. Join me as we walk alongside real people and hear the unique journeys that led them to faith in Jesus. Today my guest is Beth Ratliff. Hey Beth. Hey Becki. How are you doing? I'm doing great. How are you today? Good. Thank you for coming in today and sharing your story. Well, I'm happy to do it. Thank you for having me. We're actually neighbors. We have what two houses between us, but we rarely see each other. We rarely see each other. I know you drive the road. We've been friends forever. Yeah. Uh that's right. You drive down the road, I wave, and I'm not outside like pulling weeds or anything. I'm probably I don't know what I'm doing out there. Anyway. Well, why don't you can you just share your story, maybe where you were born and raised and uh sure from there. Sure.

Speaker 1 0:59

Um I was raised in Earle. Um the big city of Earle. The big city of Earle, great small town to be raised in. A very traditional family, my mom, my dad, my brother and sister, um, the oldest of the three kids, and we lived there our whole life. Um went to church, our parents took us to church, um, did the best they could, raised us to, you know, right and wrong, and I guess really taught us all the values they were taught growing up. And so we we really lived in a bubble. You know, we had a a great family. My dad loves my mama. Well, he's not here anymore, but he loved my mother and just taught us just some really good values, you know, not necessarily um about Jesus, but just good, you know, morals and uh belief in God. Everything I think that he knew, you know, he taught us. It's a great place to grow up. We grew up around lots of Christian people or good people that um, you know, everybody took care of everybody's kids back then. And so it was just a really great place to grow up. I'm very thankful that I got to grow up in a small town surrounded by a lot of good people.

Becki 2:15

So your brother and sister aren't here, but you always said that you're the you were the good one.

Speaker 1 2:20

Um They tickled me. They always say I was the goody too, shoes. I um I was always a rule follower, you know. I always wanted to um to please my parents. I never um never felt like following the crowd or anything like that. I just wanted to do the right thing. Um I don't think I really knew that I was following Jesus or anything like that, but I um I always wanted to do the right thing. So when did you come to faith in Jesus? Well, we grew up in the Methodist Church, and so we were surrounded by um good people that taught us about God and taught us um, you know, taught us scripture and different things like that. But when I was a teenager, I started going to the youth group at the Baptist church, and that's when I found out that I needed Jesus, that I needed to be saved. And uh I can remember a little girl from the Baptist church telling me that I was going to hell if I didn't ask Jesus into my heart, and that's the first time I had ever heard that. I thought, what? I'm going to hell. But anyway, I can remember from a very young age, even in the Methodist church, the Lord just tugging at my heart. I don't think I really knew what it was at the time. But um, I was a rule follower. I wanted to do the right thing and and uh do what God wanted me to do as much as I knew, you know, because I didn't really know scripture or anything like that. But as I became a teenager and um had an awesome youth pastor, I'm still a member of the Methodist Church, but was going to the Baptist church because that's where all the kids were going. And that's when I learned about Jesus. So what age were you when you surrendered your life? Um, maybe 15, somewhere in my teens.

Becki 4:10

But um So you went on to graduate and you went to college.

Speaker 1 4:14

I graduated high school um in 1980, and then I went to college. Dang, that seems like a long time ago. I went to UCA and uh was there for four years, and the Lord just surrounded me with the best people, um, godly people, just took care of me because I was a little fish in a big world and or in a big pond, and uh but he took care of me.

Becki 4:40

That was a lot bigger than Earle High School.

Speaker 1 4:42

It was a lot bigger than Earle High School.

Becki 4:44

Yeah.

Speaker 1 4:45

But uh I graduated in um 1984, so I went to college for four years, and I got a teaching degree, and then I came back home. I taught a couple of years of parking, uh, first grade, and then I came to Earl, and uh I taught in Earl 11 years.

Becki 5:04

Oh wow I didn't realize that.

Speaker 1 5:06

11 years during those 11 years, that's when I met Johnny.

Becki 5:10

Your husband.

Speaker 1 5:11

My husband. I met my husband Johnny, my principal at Earle was a good friend with him, and uh she set us up on a blind date, and so the rest is history.

Becki 5:21

Yeah, Johnny's from Johnny's from Forrest City. Forrest City, okay.

Speaker 1 5:26

Yeah. Johnny's daddy and my daddy were actually in a band together called the Rhythm Ramblers years ago. Jerry Joe Little John was in there. Um, I can't remember all the guys, but Jerry Joe was from here. Uh-huh. And uh they used to play on KWYN and yeah, it's really cool. But um, so they actually knew each other all this time, but Johnny and I had never met.

Becki 5:50

Oh wow.

unknown 5:51

Yeah.

Speaker 1 5:52

So then you married. We married in 1992 1992. So did you move to Wynne? We did. We lived in Earl. I had a little small house in Earl, and we lived there for a little bit, and um Johnny he wanted to move to Wynne. His sister was here, and um we knew it was a good school, good town, and so we did. We moved here just a few months later, and we've been married 34 years.

Becki 6:19

So Johnny is a pilot for Johnny's a pilot for UPS.

Speaker 1 6:26

I didn't want to say the wrong character. Um he's flown for several different people, but uh UPS he's been there 27 years and he's gonna retire September the 4th.

Becki 6:35

So we're looking forward to that. Yes, that'll be important. Yes. I know because you have a camper out in front of your house.

Speaker 1 6:40

We bought a camper yesterday, so that's that's our first purchase for retirement. My sister uh Wendy and her husband, they uh camp all the time and they've been begging us to buy a camper. So he finally pulled the trigger yesterday.

Becki 6:54

I looked down and saw that this morning. I thought, I didn't know Beth was a camper.

Speaker 1 6:58

Well, I've never camped. Yeah, but I'm looking forward to it. Yeah, looking forward to it. Yeah.

Becki 7:03

Okay, so uh you have your first son who you also name Johnny.

Speaker 1 7:09

Little John Well Little Johnny. So in 1994, Johnny was born, our first son, and um two years later we had Shelby, and then two years later we had Sydney. We um we had to get um we had to get busy because we didn't get married until we were 30. Okay. And so um we had a baby every two years.

Becki 7:31

Yeah, yeah. I think the first time I met you, we were at uh I think we were going to the same church, but I think we met at McDonald's. Oh and um I think AC, my daughter, and Shelby were probably three or four, maybe. Oh. Yeah. And I think that was the first time I really met you.

Speaker 1 7:49

Okay. And uh was it birthday party or something? I can't remember.

Becki 7:54

I think it was just a few people got together for their kids to play. Okay, yeah, okay. I don't remember. Yeah. Thanks for remembering. Okay, so go ahead and with your story from that point.

Speaker 1 8:09

Okay, well, um, like I said, we had three small children. Um after I had Shelby, I stayed home with them. So when Sydney was born, I did not go back to teaching. And fortunately, um I was able to stay home seven years. But um during that seven years, um Shelby had gone to church camp out at um at Tri-County Camp. First time she had ever been away, and she was so excited about going. And uh what age was she then? She was eight. Okay. She was eight. Johnny was ten, she was eight, and Sydney was six. And so we were nervous, you know, about letting her go, but she was so excited to go that um we let her go. And so that night, Johnny said, Do you want to ride out there and check on them? And I said, No. I said, if we ride out there and check, she'll be so upset if we go check on her, but we did. And I'm so glad we did, because the next morning we got a call that she had that she had um she passed out. And so we did not know that she had that she had died. We just I was actually at the church. And I was trying to remember yesterday why I was at the church, but and I don't know if Archie came and got me or someone came and got me and said we need to go to the hospital. Shelby has passed out at church camp, and I think he already knew what had happened to her, but um he was just trying to comfort me. And so on the way to the hospital, the Lord just prepared my heart that she was gone, and I just think he gave me the strength that day. I haven't thought about that in a really long time. He gave me the strength that day to be strong for my family. And so when we got to the hospital, the whole town of Wynne was there. And they uh I remember Becky, another Becky, she was a nurse there, came in and and told us that that Shelby had uh had collapsed and they really weren't sure what happened, you know, and that she had passed away. So um I mean I didn't live through that. I just remember people wailing out in the in the um waiting area, and I thought, what in the world is going on? And of course later, you know, you just realize people are just grieving for you. And uh but anyway, that day changed our lives forever.

Becki 10:40

Yeah, I was there at the hospital that day.

Speaker 1 10:45

I don't have a clo I I remember Lisa Clark, she's my very best friend. I just remember her voice and and her just crying out to the God for me. But um, yeah, that's been 22 years. Yeah.

Becki 11:00

You know, AC and Shelby were friends. And I can remember Shelby calling our house on the landline, of course, and saying, Can AC come over? Oh, that's so sweet. And you'd be in the background, tell her who you are, tell her who you are. And there were so many times that she called and did that, and and you were in the background, and so that was trying to teach her some matters. Oh yeah, and I don't even know if we had caller ID back then.

Speaker 1 11:25

That'd probably not. That's so funny. Yeah, that's so funny. She was precious. Goodness gracious, she was precious. Yes, all my children precious.

Becki 11:34

So, how did you move forward through that, Bill? I know that was that was in uh was it June?

Speaker 1 11:40

June 22nd of 2004. Yeah. Um, I just remember crying out to the Lord, you're gonna have to help me because I don't know what to do. Because you had two other children. I've got two precious children at home that need their mother and need their daddy, and I can remember crying out to the Lord and saying, I trust you. But I don't understand. You know, because I had told my my kids about Jesus their whole life, and and uh, but I'll tell you, Becky, it's probably the first or second time and only times the Lord has audibly spoke to me because I said, Well, Lord, I do trust you. I do trust you. And he said, Well, are you gonna trust me now? I said, I've trusted you my whole life. You know, I can remember as a little girl, you know, wanting to please him and uh just always trusting him in and what I knew to do. And he literally spoke to me and said, Are you gonna trust me now? You know, what do you do? Yeah what do you do? You either trust him or you you get stay in the bed and you don't get out. And I I wanted to do that.

Becki 12:50

And some people take another route, they get angry and turn their back on God and allowing something like that to happen. They do, and I never got angry.

Speaker 1 12:59

Yeah, and I guess it's just because I knew him.

Becki 13:02

Right.

Speaker 1 13:02

I knew him. Um my husband grieved differently from me, but and everybody grieves differently. But uh, I just wanted everything to be like it was the day before. Yeah, I wanted our life to go back to normal, our neighbors across the street. Mike and Terry always teased us that they were we were the cleavers and that we had this picket fence, you know, and this perfect little life, and and uh that's what we felt like we had, that God had blessed us with this perfect little life. But he allowed, he allowed this to happen and and um he changed me, changed me forever after losing Shelby. And so over the years, we've just um every day just try to trust him, trust him, just show us what to do, Lord. We don't want Shelby's death to be in vain, you know, how can we help other people? Right, you know, and I don't know where somewhere along that way over the 22 years he healed my heart. And I mean he healed my heart so I can help other people.

Becki 14:06

Right.

Speaker 1 14:07

But it's been a tough road.

Becki 14:10

So you're a part of a ministry that's called While We're Waiting. Yes and if anyone listened to Mary Jones's episode, then Mary and Rex are actually facilitators of a of uh several retreats throughout the year. Yeah, but you have a little group that meets, it's just uh for women.

Speaker 1 14:28

I facilitate one at my home uh once a month just for moms because I really didn't feel like I could minister to men since Johnny and I aren't doing it together. But I can't remember, I think it was like 2015 or 2016 when I first met um Jill and Brad Sullivan, and they came to Win Baptist. There had been so many people in our church that had lost children, and uh Kim Dillard had met them in Little Rock when her husband was going through brain cancer, and they're they had lost their daughter to brain cancer. And so I think Kim played a huge part of getting them to come to Wynn to speak to us, and that's how I got involved with while we're waiting. And uh Kim Dillard told me, she said, she said, You're gonna lead that group someday. Oh and I said, Oh no, oh no, I don't feel equipped to do that, but um the Lord knew that some point that I would follow him and do that. So it's been a huge blessing to me to help me heal and to hopefully help others heal and point people to him because he's the only one that can heal our heart or carry us through grief.

unknown 15:41

Right.

Becki 15:42

Because the thing is we live in a broken world.

Speaker 1 15:45

We live in a broken world.

Becki 15:46

People are gonna die, young people are gonna die, and it's just part of life on this side of heaven.

Speaker 1 15:54

Yes, and you know, I really tried to, I could not explain to people why Shelby died. I really couldn't, you know. I mean, I knew God didn't kill her, but he allowed her death. And um, but until I learned three circles, did it really become clear to me that um it's not what God intended, but because of sin, sin broke our world, and we live in a broken world, and terrible things are going to happen to everybody, right? You know, and but God has made a way for us to overcome all that and to trust him, and uh, that's what I've chosen to do. And it's uh every day I have to get up and make a decision. Am I gonna trust him today or am I gonna let my self and my broken self uh waller in um grief? Right, you know, and we wanted to honor Shelby, even though her life was short, it was uh very impactful.

Becki 16:58

Yeah.

Speaker 1 17:00

Very impactful. So I don't know if I answered your question. I kind of got sidetracked there for a second.

Becki 17:04

I don't know what my question was now, but I think you did.

Speaker 1 17:07

But becoming part of while we're waiting has changed me. And um, we wanted to honor Shelby um in the life that we live until we go to eternity and uh to hopefully help other moms and other parents navigate grief.

Becki 17:24

Right. Yeah, because that's that's probably when I think about the worst thing that that can happen, I think about losing a child.

Speaker 1 17:32

It's the worst thing.

Becki 17:34

Yeah.

Speaker 1 17:34

And my sister's lost two.

Becki 17:36

Yeah.

Speaker 1 17:36

And um I thought, you know, if she and she lost her boys before I lost Shelby. And I can remember thinking, if my sister can get out of the bed with a smile on her face, I gotta get up.

Becki 17:49

Yeah.

Speaker 1 17:49

I gotta get up. And she um, yeah, I hope she can share her story because man, it's an awesome testimony.

Becki 17:56

Yes, we'll get Wendy in to share her story because all of that happened how long before Shelby?

Speaker 1 18:01

About three or four years before, and she lost both of her boys the same same week.

Becki 18:05

So yeah, it was um I remember your mom at the hospital that day when Shelby died, and knowing that she lost two grandsons and then lost Shelby. And and I remember her saying, God is in control. God is in control.

Speaker 1 18:21

And I never even realized while we were walking through grief that my mother was grieving. Yeah. And I really didn't realize that my children, you know, we tried to protect them, and I did not realize they were grieving.

Becki 18:34

Yeah.

Speaker 1 18:34

Yeah, they struggled, both of them struggled. You know, Sydney slept with her, bathed with her. I mean, she was her best friend. And um, they had to see me surviving so that they could survive, but they they really struggled. Right.

unknown 18:49

Yeah.

Speaker 1 18:50

I think Sydney still struggles with anxiety today because of that. And uh she's she's learning to navigate that and let the Lord help her.

Becki 18:59

That is quite traumatic for adults and children.

Speaker 1 19:02

Never had anxiety in my life until Shelby died. And it was um for about two years. Man, it was tough. Because I was afraid that I was gonna lose my other children. Right. Because Wendy had lost hers. And I thought, are my kids gonna get sick? You know? Anyway, anyway. The Lord continues to help me through that too. Because it's tough.

Becki 19:25

So one thing that you just mentioned is um how things were different. Maybe the your walk with the Lord was different before you lost Shelby and then after. Can you exp talk about that?

Speaker 1 19:37

I tell you, Ronnie Orman said something to me one time, you know, after she lost Jackson. She said, I think people handle grief the way they handled stress and stuff before grief. You know, and I never really thought about that. Um and I trusted the Lord before, and somehow I trusted him after. And so um I never forget her saying that. And that that just seemed to help me. But I don't know, I got sidetracked again. I don't know what your question was. Bef I mean, I lived for the Lord before him, before Shelby died, and I never really had any trauma in my life ever. Nobody had died until Wendy's boys died. And I felt like the my security blanket had been ripped right out from under me. And then when Shelby died, it was like, Okay, Lord, what's going on here? Yeah, you know, what's going on here? And um, I had to get to the point where use me. Mm-hmm. Use me to help other people.

Becki 20:37

Yeah.

Speaker 1 20:37

You know, to point other people to you. How odd that is. How can you use the death of somebody's child to use you, but he has.

Becki 20:44

Yeah. I think we read about that. Is it 2 Corinthians 1, where he talks about uh we receive comfort from God so that we can comfort those. I have that one written down too.

Speaker 1 20:57

Well, one that I have was Isaiah 26, 3, and it says, You will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you because he trusts in you. And another one, one thing I wanted to say, um, Mr. McCallum called me. I so enjoyed listening to Mr. McCallum. But he called me every day for months after Shelby died. And I told him, I said, I just need some peace. I need to know that the Lord is with me and that he is in this, you know, walking this road with me. And he told me, he said, Beth, you just read Psalm 23. You read the 23rd Psalm when you wake up in the morning, when you eat your lunch, when you go to bed at night. And so I memorized the twenty third Psalm and Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil because you are with me. I'll never forget that. And it brought me, I mean, I don't know how many times I had to memorize it, you know, or sp repeat it. But at some point it just dropped in my heart and peace flooded my soul. And I knew that I was gonna be okay. But anyway, there's one the scripture from while we're waiting is um let's see, it's 1 Thessalonians 413. We grieve, but not as those who have no hope. And so Jesus is our hope, and he's given me hope that I'm gonna see my girl again. So I'm looking forward to that day. That's right. But until that day, I want to give other people hope. Yeah, you know, and point them to Jesus because he's the only one that can, you know, the Holy Spirit, he sends the Holy Spirit to be our comforter. And uh I'm so thankful. I'm so thankful. He and I share this with my ladies that come to my house. He knew I was gonna trust him, even when I didn't know. And so he um he called me to this ministry. And I'm I'm grateful. And he prepared me for it, and he he fills me with with strength to do it.

unknown 23:09

Right.

Speaker 1 23:09

And I want to do it with a smile. I want to have joy, and I want people to know that even though I buried my child, that the Lord can fill me with joy.

unknown 23:19

Yeah.

Becki 23:20

Because you're looking at this from as the facilitator of that meeting, you're there to encourage and bring hope. Yeah, bring hope to those that have walked through the same thing that you walked through. Yeah. And that kind of gives you a different perspective on things.

Speaker 1 23:37

It does. And I'll I'll share this with you. One time I had a I had a teacher that taught for me years ago. You know, I'm the preschool director at Wynne Baptist We School, and there was one a teacher that we had a long time ago, and it was after I lost Shelby. And I didn't have a lot of patience at the beginning for people. And this lady's um, her son had broken his leg. And you would have thought the world was coming to an end. And here I'm wanting to say, but he's coming home tonight. Yeah, you know, and the Lord just gently reminded me, this is probably the worst thing that's ever happened to her. So give her some grace. So I learned so much, you know, through these 22 years that um some people will have a much more difficult story than you, and some people may not have as trauma a traumatic story as you, but God's grace is for everyone.

Becki 24:36

That's right.

Speaker 1 24:37

Sure.

Becki 24:38

I can remember brother Matt Pearson one Sunday, he said um something like whether you're going through good things or bad things, uh, everything is used to bring you closer to the Lord.

Speaker 1 24:54

Oh, for sure.

Becki 24:55

And I feel like probably those bad things, those hard things when you're in the valley, those are the things that truly draw you closer to the Lord.

Speaker 1 25:02

Oh, for sure. You know, I'd always trusted the Lord, I loved him, I wanted to follow him, but I didn't need him until Shelby died.

Becki 25:12

Yeah.

Speaker 1 25:12

If that makes sense.

Becki 25:13

Things were good.

Speaker 1 25:14

Things were good, and I was doing everything on my own, you know, and you just learn, and I couldn't walk this road without him.

Becki 25:21

Right.

Speaker 1 25:21

I couldn't do it. And I kind of think about when he asked me if I was gonna trust him now, he was carrying me from here to here. Yeah. Because he had different different plans for me.

unknown 25:33

Yeah.

Becki 25:34

And so anyway, I'm just grateful.

unknown 25:37

Yeah.

Becki 25:38

So do you have anything else you'd like to share? Do you have a favorite Bible verse or I have many, many favorite Bible verses, but uh Is it in Psalms where it talks about um or proverbs when you trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding.

Speaker 1 25:59

In all your ways, acknowledge him, and he will direct your path. The first time I really used that scripture was when I was praying for my husband before I knew him. You know, and uh he uh he brought Johnny to me. He was the perfect person for me, and he walked through me with gr through grief, and um, you know, because people would say, you know, people people divorce after you lose a child. And uh my friend Jill said that that's really a myth. But Johnny would say, Look, Beth, I had you first. You know, I'm not gonna leave you. I'm not gonna leave you. I think I was afraid that I would be so engulfed in grief that I couldn't take care of my husband or my children. But the Lord sent me a good, godly man and to walk through grief with me because he was grieving and I didn't know how really know how to help him. And he didn't know how to help me, but the Lord kind of worked it out when he was having a bad day, I was having a good day. And when he was having a good day, I was having a bad day. So we helped each other through that.

Becki 27:08

So now you have two grandchildren.

Speaker 1 27:11

Now I have two precious grandbabies. It's the best thing that's ever happened to me. Um how old is Phoebe Phoebe? Okay, Phoebe was born, she'll be a year old in August, so she's our first grandbaby, Sydney and Luke. And then our second grandbaby was born in um in May. Johnny and Sarah had Walker, and so two grandbabies in one year is almost more than we could stand, but it is the absolute best thing that's ever happened to us. Oh, yes. The absolute best.

Becki 27:40

Yeah, that's that's such a blessing.

Speaker 1 27:42

It is a blessing.

Becki 27:43

Beth, what would you like to share as we end this episode?

Speaker 1 27:48

Well, I think I'd probably like to share about while we're waiting. Okay. Um, our friends, Brad and Jill and the Browns, have this wonderful support group that they started in Hot Springs. And they also have a refuge that they've built for parents who have lost children where they can come for a weekend and um just be encouraged and share their children with other grieving families. Um they might go when they when they come to while we're waiting, they might be anxious, you know, about it. But every story we've heard is they leave changed, and then they have become part of a network of people who are on this grief journey. And um we can just connect them with people in their own home own towns where they can on a monthly basis have people to reach out to for encouragement, and um, it has just helped us so much to be able to do that. I'm very thankful for while we're while we're waiting, um, and what it's meant to my life.

Becki 28:58

I'm finding the website.

Speaker 1 29:00

Oh, oh, they have a private Facebook page. Um, it's while we're waiting, a support group for bereaved parents. And um they can just connect with people all over the world who have lost children, um, no matter what the circumstance. You know, everybody has a different circumstance on how they lost their child, but the grief is the same, the pain is the same. And it's just a wonderful way to um be encouraged as you're walking through this this journey. I would love for anyone to reach out to me. They can call me or they can reach out to me through Facebook, or I would love to encourage, you know, and get people hooked up with them.

Becki 29:45

Okay, and the website is while we're waiting.org. So they can go on that website and the retreats are free.

Speaker 1 29:53

Oh yeah, the retreats are free. Um they have mom's weekends, they have dad's weekends, or or they'll have a couple where the whole couple can come and they're all over the country.

Becki 30:04

Right. They've taken I think there's probably uh in hot springs is where the refuge is. It is, it is in hot springs. And I think most weekends they do have a retreat there.

Speaker 1 30:15

They do, mm-hmm.

Becki 30:16

Anyway, so that that would be a good way for someone to get connected to that ministry and start start walking with those that are going through the same thing.

Speaker 1 30:25

Oh gosh, yes, and just receive healing and encouragement themselves. Thank you, Becky. Thank you, Beth, for coming in. You're welcome. I'm so glad I could do it.

Becki 30:36

Thank you for joining us today. New episodes release every Wednesday, so be sure to subscribe and get notified when a new episode is available. You can listen on the Journey to Salvation website, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and wherever you get your podcasts. So, where are you on your journey to salvation?