#13 This Is Why You Feel Off (And It's Not Timing)

This isn’t about strategy.
This is where your pattern breaks.

You say you follow your intuition.
But what you’re actually following… is how you feel.

And that’s why things aren’t landing.

In this episode, we’re cutting through the noise around “alignment” and exposing the real pattern.

We’re shifting you out of:
waiting
overthinking
trying to feel ready

And back into:
choosing your frequency
leading your energy
and actually holding what you say you want

Because intuition doesn’t replace leadership.
It requires it.

If you can see where you’ve been interrupting yourself
this is where it stops - Get "You're Not Stuck" PDF

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

You've invested, you've trusted, you've done everything right. But what happens when the coaching space starts to feel off? This episode pulls back the curtains on red flags most women ignore, the subtle misalignments that fracture your energy, truth, and timing. If you've ever left a program feeling smaller, not seen, second-guessing yourself, or thinking that you need another strategy, this episode is for you. Let's talk about what real alignment feels like and how to find support that honors that. This isn't another strategy podcast. This is the energetic edge, where women stop chasing results and start embodying the frequency that creates them. I'm Melissa Goodman, mentor, energetic recalibrator, and the woman behind a new era of leadership. Where power is feminine, wealth is regulated, and your business expands at the speed of your nervous system. Here, we go beyond the mindset hacks and surface level strategy. We rewire the body. We build businesses from overflow, not adrenaline. And we lead like the priestess CEOs we came here to be. Grounded, magnetic, and unapologetically in our power. If you are ready to collapse timelines, amplify your magnetism, and make wealth your new normal, you are in the right place. This is your edge. Let's activate it. Not just about strategy. Let's dive in because I am so fired up about this episode today. This is a conversation that I think should be more mainstream than what it is. And just having the truth and transparency as to what is actually going on within the coaching industry. Now, that's not too at any point, let me just preface this with saying I'm not putting down anybody in the coaching industry. I truly believe that everybody is doing the best that they can with the information, the knowledge that they have. And I truly believe that everybody in the coaching industry really is trying to help uh pass on their intellectual property so that people can implement it and get extraordinary results. But I also think it's very essential to be aware of the red flags. So, yes, let's dive in. Let's have this conversation today. So I'm not gonna really go into um too deep into my story because I already did that in episode one. So if you want to hear more about my story, go back and listen to that episode. But I do want to say that like when I started my business, when I was transitioning from being a yoga teacher into the online space, I came in with so much optimism. I was full of fire, I was full of faith. I truly believed that if I found the right coach, the right plan, the right launch formula, they would like bam, instantly unlock everything within my business. And I was gonna be at six figures in no time. And when that didn't happen, it actually opened up a loop pattern within my own mind, within my own frequency that I wasn't aware at the time, aware of at the time. But looking back now, I can see how that pattern played out and also see that point in which I pivoted and moved out of that pattern and started to re rewire my nervous system. I need to take a breath right now, so let's do that together. I'm just so hyped up about today. So nice deep inhale and letting it go. So I'm not gonna lie, I have no idea how many programs I invested in over the last probably six, seven years. Um, but I invested in so many programs, so many coach coaches and mentors and self-paced programs. It was like when I sh saw a shiny new system being presented, I was like, holy shit, yes, yes, that is what I need. And so I would invest into that program, I'd invest into that coach, I would get like this super high feeling of like, oh my goodness, okay, I finally found it. This is going to be the solution for me, right? I just need to figure out my five-figure messaging blueprint or my elite launch formula or whatever it might have been. And I'd buy it, I'd move fast, I'd implement things, I'd tweak things, but deep down, it was always the same feeling of just moving through the motions and doing something external, kind of like having a to-do list, right? And just checking it off and be like, hey, well, I did that, I did that. Why am I not getting the results that I deeply desire to get? And one of the moments that I realized of like, okay, I keep investing into these programs with this big hope that this is the program that is going to help me. And once I realized, I was like, wait a minute. But when did I ask myself, what support am I specifically looking for right now? And when I asked myself that question, I stopped adapting to other people's systems and I started to unlock something deeper within me. I had noticed that over time, the more systems, the more mentors, the more coaches that I had, although I'm grateful for all of them, and they all taught me so much. One of the biggest things that it taught me was when my body was signaling that this is not right for me. My mind would say yes. It's almost like my mind would convince myself, like I would convince myself, like, okay, this is the program that's going to get me there. But deep down in my system, I could feel that, like, no, but it's not. And that gentle whisper, I would always try to override with my mind until I asked myself that question of what support am I actually looking for? If I had taken the time to take a step back and be like, this is where I'm at, what support do I think I need that's going to get me to that next evolution of myself, that next identity unlocked, that would have collapsed the timeline down so much. Instead, I was like reaching out almost like a kid, right? And like, there's crayons everywhere. And instead of just picking up the color crayon that you need, I was being like that greedy little kid and being like, these are all my crayons. Go away. I don't want to color with anybody else, right? I want all of these for myself. I have no idea why that analogy came up, but that's okay. We're gonna roll with it. And so looking at it from that perspective, I actually love that that analogy came through. Um, but looking at it from that standpoint, like, okay, what color crayon do you want to color with right now that's gonna bring this bigger picture into alignment for you instead of trying to take all of the crayons, all of the colors at once, having the awareness of the support that you desire. That is such a powerful thing. If you only take away one thing from this entire podcast, and this podcast, I'm just gonna say it's gonna be fucking awesome. But if you only take away one thing, even having that with you is going to create such a powerful transformation in your business and how you move forward. Another aspect of this, I'm just gonna roll with this as it's coming up, is that it's looking for those red flags of what coaches are saying, either in their content, in the DMs, or on calls. So there's still coaches out there that do uh discovery calls or sales calls or whatever the fuck you want to call them, right? Where basically they want to handle your objections, get into your mind and get you to move and invest it with them instead of really understanding who you are and would you actually be a good fit for them, right? And so the story comes to mind, and I will never forget this one coach who I was on a call with her, and I loved her vibe online. Like she seemed to really have her shit together. The way she showed up, she was just like, she was a business coach of like and very hardcore, like it's a business. So I was like, okay, cool. Like maybe that's what I need. Maybe I need more of like a structure. And this was well before I knew that I was a manifesting generator, and then I'm a 6'3 profile, and then I'm all the fuck over the place all of the time. And so heavily structured systems like that are not right for me. However, she didn't know anything about human design, I was not aware of it at the time. But if we had known that, it would have been very clear that she was not the right coach for me. Okay, so get back to the story here. And so when I was chatting with her and she told me the investment to work with her, I remember saying to her, like, you know, that's that's quite the stretch. Like, I'm just I'm personally not comfortable making that investment right now. And so she said to me, She's like, Well, you know, like my clients, I have a lot of clients who will just sell their car. So you could always just sell your car. Or, you know, if you don't want to do that, like you could just go to the bank and apply for like a line of credit or that like there's a lot of ways that you could make this work if you want to make this work. And the fact, you know, you need to stretch yourself in order to rise. And I was like, everything inside of me was like, fuck no. Like, I'm sorry. Somebody telling you to sell your car to work with them or go get a line of credit and put yourself in debt, like, what the fuck? Right? Everything inside of me screamed no. Needless to say, got off the call, never hired that coach. That was a hard pass for me. But we need to recognize that there are coaches out there who are going to say stuff like this. And the problem is, is sometimes we will allow somebody to get into our minds and be like, oh shit, you know what? I do need to stretch myself. They're right. I need to get uncomfortable in order to grow. And we can start to convince ourselves that that is the truth when it's not the truth. Like, yes, you need to stretch yourself in order to grow, right? You have the results you have right now because of the decisions that you've made. If you're never going to stretch yourself, then yeah, it's you're gonna continue to live the life that you are living right now, which I'm sure is a beautiful life, but why not expand, right? Why not have more experiences? But we need to be aware of when people are telling us stuff like that. Like that is actually not an expansion. What that does quite often is it starts with nervous system stress. That's how you're entering into the coach's program if they are trying to financially manipulate you in order to invest with them. Is your nervous system gets stressed the fuck out? You're not expanding at this point because now you are straight up stressed out. You are in survival and you start to spiral downward. And when we are coming at learning anything from an overly stressed-out nervous system, we're not really gonna create the results that we want because our nervous system is sending out frequencies of stress, of fear, of not being safe. And so when we move from that energy, again, you can have a six-figure strategy and never create six-figure results. And it's because your nervous system is not regulated to stabilize those six-figure results or whatever that manifestation or whatever that goal might be for you, right? But that was my realization moment that, like, shit, maybe I don't actually need a business coach who's gonna tell me to dig myself into a financial hole to work with her. Maybe I need somebody who understands the nervous system, who understands the body, who approaches it from a more soul-aligned strategy. And once I had that realization, that changed everything for me. And so let's dive a little bit more into other red flags that sometimes we override, or like I said, with my own personal story, where my mind was almost trying to convince myself that that is what I needed, even though my body was saying no. So another red flag to be very aware of within the coaching space is if the coach gives you strategy, but never actually asks who you are. If you've dropped into a cookie-cutter framework without anybody asking you about your human design, your astrology, your numerology, about your capacity, it's not actually coaching, it's templating. And you're not a template. You need to find a coach who understands how to weave the business with the energetics, and that, sorry, I shouldn't say you need, but that will be the highest and best and fastest path for you in order to get there, in order to get the results that you desire. Another thing to look out for if you feel emotionally drained after tapping into their container, you're not energetically expanding, you're contracting. Support should leave you feeling more clarity. It shouldn't be about performance, it shouldn't be exhausting. But if your nervous system is shut down, then it goes into performance, then it feels exhausting, then it feels like you're going through that to-do list, just checking the boxes and that will weaken you instead of expanding your wisdom. Another thing that I see that is a huge pet peeve of mine. When strategy is sold as the foundation and mindset is something that's like, oh, it's a cute little add-on, right? Oh, just start with this strategy and then add the mindset on later. It's like, what the fuck? No, I'm just gonna say it. What the fuck? No. If we start with the mindset and the identity work and the frequency work first, and you unlock that within yourself first, think how much more potent the strategy is going to be when you tap into the strategy. Again, if you're running a strategy from fear, from stress, from trauma response, from pressure, from obligation, from thinking that you need to do this, from thinking that this is going to save you, from the countless other bullshit stories that we tell ourselves or other people have told us that are programmed right now within the frequency field, if you implement any strategy from that, the results that you are going to get are the results that your frequency can hold. So the moment that you shift into not even mindset, but frequency first and then adding strategy on, that is when things are really fucking going to explode for you. I'll never forget hearing. This literally changed my life when I heard this, that the 80-20 rule, right? 80% of success is an internal game. 20% of success is the strategy that you implement. And yet so many people spend 80% of their time learning strategies and implementing strategies, and 20%, if we're lucky, on mindset and energetics. Where if you flip that formula around and you unlock that identity of your next level self and then implement a strategy from your next level self-identity, you've already collapsed the timeline towards the results that you desire to get. Whew! All right, let's take a nice deep breath on that one. Okay, another red flag. Let's be looking out for, okay? There's no pause button, it's only performance. When you're expected to move at somebody else's rhythm, and there's no space for your system to breathe and recalibrate and regulate and stabilize. If your nervous system can't breathe, it can't grow. So if you are in performance mode, if you are always on, always your to-do list, trying to keep up with a coach, whether it's one-on-one, whether it's inside of a group container, whatever it might be, and there's never a time for you to integrate, it's going to be really hard for you to stabilize at that next level. You are going to burn out extremely fast. This is why inside of my containers, inside of my one-on-one containers, and even self-pace, obviously, that's up to you to press the pause button, but especially my one-on-one containers for long term. I always have an implementation week where there's like there's just space for you to implement, for you to integrate, for you to fully stabilize those shifts so it's not wobbly, but you are standing on a solid foundation before we continue to build up the next level. Otherwise, you're just throwing way too much at your nervous system, and eventually it's gonna come crumbling down. Not all the way back down because we always stabilize at like a slightly higher, but why not stabilize it fully before you continue to go? Right? You're going to ascend so much faster. Which leads us into our next red flag of you're praised for pushing. You're praised for pushing instead of regulating. When hustle is celebrated and rest is like, oh, that's cute. That's cute that you had a rest day, right? It should, should, I will say that, be the other way around. Let's celebrate the pause. Let's celebrate the regulation. We can only push for so long. But when we learn how to pause, how to integrate, then we actually release that push and that hustle mentality that is so toxic in the online space, and we start to honor ourselves. And this is really too these red flags are amplified as well, depending on your human design, your astrology, your numerology, right? CERN ones of these can hit harder for you. And so knowing your human design is so beneficial in business because then you realize like you might actually need a lot more pause. You might need a lot more integration than somebody else. And there's nothing wrong with that. It's based off of you. You are your own blueprint, you are as unique as your fingerprint. There is only one of you. You are the only person in this entire universe that has your frequency, that has your blueprint. And so honoring yourself first and foremost is always the most important thing when we are looking for a coach. And literally, not just for a coach, but like in anything, honoring yourself is first and foremost. Okay, let's take another deep breath. So, how do you actually know when it's time for a coach? Or when it's time maybe to leave a coaching program. Well, again, this is so personalized that I can't give you a clear, like, this is exactly when you know that you need to leave. But if you're looking for a coach, like I mentioned before, it's knowing exactly what you are looking for for support. What is going to get you to that next level? When you tap into your next level identity and you are already her because you are already her, is what level of support does she require, right? I know a lot of people in the online space or a lot of um business coaches like demonize one-on-one. And it's like, no, it needs to be group programmed for scalability and blah, blah, blah, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. Okay. Some people thrive in one-on-one containers. Sure. Some people thrive in group containers. Some people thrive when it's a group integrated with one-on-one. So it's knowing yourself and how you thrive, what environment supports you the most, and the exact support that you are actually looking for. I don't think that you always need to be working with a coach. I think those are coaches who say that you always need to be working with a coach. However, I do believe that when you are working with a coach and you have that level of support that you require, that you can go further, faster, and collapse the timelines even more around your goals. But again, sometimes we're in the phase of expansion where we desire that support. And sometimes we're in the space of integration where we actually just want to step back from coaches. We want to step back from any external influences and just really be in our own energy to feel okay, I've learned all of this beautiful, beautiful knowledge that has been passed on to me. I've implemented it, I've embodied it. Okay, now it's time to pick. And then you can reassess from where you are right now and then pivot into that next level of precision that you are looking for. And then once you know what level of precision you were looking for, you can start to ask yourself questions like, does this feel safe for me? Where is this energy leading me? If I were to invest, what exactly am I looking for? That way you don't get into coaching containers and you're like, oh, okay, no, that this isn't quite what I wanted. And even when we are super clear, okay, I do want to say this, even when we are super clear, we still can put ourselves inside of containers and be like, no, this wasn't quite it. But there's beauty in that because you create your own ROI, your return on investment. And so even if you end up in a container where it's like, oh, this isn't totally it, you still get to honor the investment, the financial investment, but you don't necessarily have to honor the time investment, right? You can look for the ROI and then pivot. You can withdraw your energy from that. Again, I'm not saying to like back out. Obviously, we're honoring the commitment, the contract, all of that, but you get to choose at any point. You don't have to stay in there. You don't have to continue to show up for coaching calls, whether it's one-on-one or group, if it's no longer aligned for you. The right coach in the right moment is the most powerful thing. And the right coach is somebody who is going to honor your body, your nervous system just as much as your brand and your vision. The right coach is going to meet you at the season that you are in and not try to pull you into a season that you're not in just yet. The right coach is going to look at what is going on in your inner reality and what is going on in your outer reality and where are the gaps. So I want to tell you a quick story about. She already had her offers built. She had recurring revenue. But in her body, she said, like, there was just this something, something that didn't feel right. Her voice was dimmed, her visibility wasn't sustainable. And so one of the first things we did was actually look at her human design. And right there alone, I was like, well, that's why your visibility isn't sustainable, because you are trying to run somebody else's program that is not your program. You are not designed to be visible in the way that she had been showing up. Her blueprint called for a totally different visibility strategy. So anyway, she had said to me, like, I can't quite explain it, but I've done all of the outer work. I've done all of the strategies. I know it's something within myself that is blocking me, but I can't quite see what that is. And I was like, you know what? That's beautiful. Just having that self-awareness that you've done the outer strategies and now is an internal block, that is so powerful, right? So when I said about, let me backtrack a little, when I said about knowing precisely what you desire to have, sometimes it's not like we can be like, oh, this is the exact belief that I need to get rid of in order to elevate to the next level. Like, we don't always have that level of clarity within ourselves because we are living it. So we don't always see our blind spots or our shadows. But having the awareness of like this is the transformation that I desire to experience within a coaching container, that is the important part, right? We don't we can't always pinpoint like this is exactly what needs to shift, because if you could do that, well fucking go and shift it yourself, right? But a coach is going to help spot that for you and with you and then transform that and dissolve that and rewire you. So, anyways, back to Jamie's story. She knew it was an internal block, but she didn't quite understand like what was going on. So we dove deeper, we rewired her nervous system based on her human design so that she could delete and dissolve those old patterns within her system that a coach had imprinted into her that she had to show up a certain way. We cleared out her the subconscious residue that was creating those blocks, and we activated a deeper level of her identity when it came to safety and being present within her business and gave her permission ultimately to show up as her, not from a performance space, from but from feeling into her body and getting that full body like fuck yes sensation and knowing that that it's time to move. And so within six months, she had already surpassed her income from the previous 12 months prior. She ended up preparing her marriage, okay? This was something that like we just kind of brushed over. We didn't even really go that deep into, but there was a lot of internal identity recalibration that needed to happen when it came to her relationship, not only with herself, but actually with her brother. And then that helped to heal her relationship with her husband. Okay, so again, things aren't always linear and we don't always fully understand everything that's coming through energetically, but we allow it to flow through and we allow the pieces to come together like they need to come together in order for that person to fully release and dissolve those old patterns and those old codes so that they can recalibrate into their next level self. And then that allowed her to stop pushing in her business. And when she stopped pushing, when she stopped hustling, when she stopped trying so hard, she actually took a step back. She was able to exhale and she started attracting aligned sales. And it felt easier, it felt lighter for her, and she enjoyed the process. And when I checked in with her after the six months had passed, and then some, and I checked back in with her, and she said, She's like, I just realized that every goal I had set when I worked with you, I've achieved. And she's like, and now I'm in this space where I'm sitting in it and I'm ready for that next level. And she's like, and I never thought I would be at this space where I could dream bigger than what I had been dreaming before because I thought that was my big dream. And she's like, but it wasn't. That was just that dream, and now, and then she shared like her next evolution of dreams that she gets to expand into. So that's the beautiful thing about our reality. And I'm pretty sure I said this at the beginning of the podcast, but it's like as we expand, it's just a continual expansion, expansion, expansion. And even if we contract a little, we never can track down to the level in which we actually started at because we are meant to constantly expand. And the more we expand, the more we actually get to expand. And that's so much fun. Okay, whoo, let's take a nice deep breath. And so, really, what I did with Jamie, it wasn't magic, it was simply energetic tracking, understanding her, understanding her identity, who she was stepping into. It was all about frequency first, which allowed her strategy that she was already using to shift a little bit so it was more in line with her. It felt easier, it was more fun, it was more joyful, and her entire reality shifted because of the identity work that she that she did. It gets to be that joyful. It gets to be that easy. We don't have to make it so hard unless if you think it's hard and you're telling yourself stories about how hard it is. Okay. So a couple key takeaways to just sum everything up for you. Strategy without embodiment will always equal energy leaks, which is going to lead to burnout or resentment or low energy or that feeling of like, oh, but I'm super high some days, and then other days it's just like I want to burn my business to the ground. It's because there's lack of embodiment that's happening. Nervous system safety will always be the foundation of sustainable results and is results that expand super fast. Your next coach should be able to hold your next level identity. They should be asking you the right questions, getting to know you, and not trying to manipulate you and tell you to sell your car or get yourself into a shit ton of debt to work with them. That should always be a red flag that sends you running in the other direction. Unfortunately, it's not the case because I have had clients who have shared with me about similar stories to mine, coaches telling them, you know, like, oh, it will be the best investment, you're gonna have your money back in no time, and then they put themselves in a shit ton of debt. And anyways, let's avoid that, okay? Let's avoid that. And then pausing does not mean regression. It actually means power. You're not here to do more, you're here to become more. There is a big difference there. And your next level, it's already inside of you. That version of you is waiting for you to build the foundation so she can come and stand on that foundation and expand from there. If you feel it in your body, if you're like, oh my goodness, I am ready, trust that feeling. I'm gonna drop down in the show notes a link for VIP Frequency Integration Days. This is a private one-on-one, three and a half hour experience where we are going to go in and rewire your nervous system, align your identity, and build the energetic foundation for legacy level leadership. So I'll drop the link down into the show notes. You can click on that if that feels aligned for you. If you want to send me a DM and have a chat about that, that's cool. I promise I will never fucking try to manipulate you or anything. I want to make sure that you are fully aligned to work with me because I don't want to work with people who are like kind of wishy-washy or not sure if they want to go through the process or kind of attach to their story of where they are right now. Like, no. We are here to shift and transform and have fun. Yes. Okay. So this is the moment where you get to choose. This is the moment where you get to choose. You get to step into that next level. You get to observe where are the loop patterns that you have had in your business that aren't serving you. And maybe those are the same or similar loop patterns that I had of investing, going through everything and it not landing. So you reinvest in a strategy, go through everything and not land. If you take away one thing, I know I already said this, but if you take away one thing, take away the fact of the crayon analogy. I love that. I love that that came through. I'm going to continue to use that. And also take away the fact that in order for you to align with your highest and next best coach, it's understanding what level of support you desire at this moment, right now, that is going to help you get to that next level. Otherwise, you're just going to continue to collect a shit ton of crayons and not really ever color your picture. Let's just pick one crayon and color with that one color until you are done with that one color. And then you get to keep that color and you get to add on a new color and so on and so forth. And you get to enjoy this life because this is your story and you get to tell it your way. And I'm totally rambling again. I'm just so excited for today. Anyways, let's take one more deep breath together before we hop off. I appreciate you being here. I appreciate you investing your time to hang out with me today. If this episode stirred up something inside of you, I would love to hear about it. Send me a DM, send me an email, however you want to connect. Like, I love connecting with you. I love hearing about what landed for you. And of course, you're always welcome to share this episode with somebody who might need to hear this. I am sending you so much love. And until next time, bye for now.