#16 The $10K Self Sabotage Program That Made Me Hide

If you've ever bought a course, a program, or a coaching container hoping it would finally be the thing that got you out of your own way... this episode is for you. 

I'm sharing the story of a $10K investment that didn't just fail to work, it made everything worse. 

And what I learned about why no external solution can reach something that lives in your nervous system. 

Plus the one question that changes everything.

Mentions is this episode - You're Not Stuck. You're Interrupting What You Say You Want.

Transcript

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Relief. I was so tired of investing in strategies and business formulas and feeling like nothing was working. I felt like I just kept getting in my own way. I had all of the structure, but it just wasn't landing. So when I found a high-ticket program specifically around self-sabotage, something in me went, oh, finally, this is the one. A couple DMs back and forth between the lady, her offering to throw in a few one-on-one sessions to really personalize this program for me. I signed up that day. And as I pressed purchase for that $10,000 course, a sense of relief washed over me. I showed up. I was committed. I checked all of the boxes, did everything that I was supposed to do. And then six weeks into the program, I sat down at my computer, opened it up, ready to work, and I saw an email come through. Instant tightening. Adrenaline fear rushed through my entire system. I opened the email, and this coach was accusing me of an IP breach. Apparently, I had stolen her intellectual property by using two words. I read the email, took a deep breath, feeling super confused, like, what the fuck is going on here? I reread the email and then I started panicking. I was like, I didn't steal her intellectual property. But I complied. I went and I changed my sales pages, removing those words. I deleted any social media post that had those words in it. I responded immediately to their email, to her email, explaining myself and telling her action had been taken. And anywhere online that I may have used those words had now been deleted andor changed. And what followed was days of silence. No response from her. And in that silence, there was one thing that got louder and louder. I'm not safe. The program that I had invested $10,000 into to heal my relationship with visibility had just given my nervous system the most visceral proof it had ever had that being seen is dangerous. I stopped showing up in her container. I never completed that program. I was convinced that she was watching me. I was convinced she was showing up and reading my sales pages and making sure that I wasn't using those words. I went deeper into hiding than I had ever been. If I could go back and talk to the version of me who was about to hit purchase, honestly, I'd say, don't do it. But here's what I know now that I didn't know then. The drama wasn't in the program. The drama was already within me, and no external solution was ever going to reach it. Because what I needed wasn't another strategy. I was right about that. It wasn't another framework or another coach telling me what to do. I needed to come back to myself, to the version of me who didn't need rescuing, who just was. And no program or container was going to do that for me. If you're listening to this and you're like, ooh, damn, yes, okay, I overanalyze every word. I don't feel safe being on social media and posting. Maybe you're second guessing whether you're saying the right thing, or maybe you're hiding behind refining and perfecting. I went through a huge phase of that after this whole incident, which happened years ago, where I would overanalyze everything. I would spend weeks refining things before I would ever post it. And maybe you've done that or you are doing that. I just want to ask you one question if you're running any of these programs. Honestly, what's the worst thing that could happen if you just post what you want to post or say what you want to say? Sit with that. And if you're ready to stop interrupting what you say you want, I made something for you and it's absolutely free. Link is in the show notes. It's called You're Not Stuck, You're Interrupting What You Say You Want. And it's exactly where this conversation just ended. You can continue it by downloading that and going through that PDF.