#18 Stillness Feels Suspicious

You finished something. And instead of settling into it, you're already scanning for what needs fixing next.

This episode is about the pattern underneath that impulse why driven women are wired to stay in fix-repair-rebuild mode, and what it's actually costing you.

Here's what's true about every pattern you're running, it has served you, and it is also limiting you. The fix mode kept you moving, kept you solving, kept you feeling like progress was happening. But a shaky foundation doesn't hold anything. It just gives you more to fix, and quietly, over time, it feeds self doubt, erodes self trust, and sends you looking outside yourself for answers that were never out there to begin with.

Spaciousness isn't the reward you get after the chaos settles. It's what a solid foundation actually feels like from the inside.

Grab 'You're Not Stuck' PDF

Transcript

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Stillness feels suspicious, and that's the problem. You know that feeling when you're finishing something? Maybe you check it off your to-do list, you close down that that tab, you cross something off. And instead of resting in, oh, it's completed, your mind instantly starts scanning for what can I do now? What else is on my list? What can I fix? What problem can I solve? Yeah. Let's talk about that one today. Driven women were often praised for solving things, for fixing things, for being the one to sort it all out, for seeing the problem before it arrives and already having a solution for it. Think back to school, right? You'd get the high five, the pat on the back, the gold star to prove that all of your effort, you're doing your problem solving, there's something to show for it: recognition. And so your nervous system started to learn that doing equals safety, recognition, love, whatever that might be for you, and stillness equals danger. And that wiring has followed you straight into business, whether you are aware of it or not, where perhaps you're staying in this constant rebuild mode. Not because the foundation is actually broken. Now I've seen this come through a couple ways. First way, the foundation isn't actually broken, like I just said. The second way is there's no actual foundation that has been built, and yet women are already starting to build walls when there's no foundation to support the walls. And they're doing this because either way, whichever way it's showing up for you, being still, it creates this suspicious feeling within your nervous system. The fix, repair, rebuild cycle also has this really sneaky payoff. So here's the thing about patterns: no pattern is like right or wrong, good or bad. It's simply a pattern that's been running within your nervous system. And at some point, every pattern has served us, and every pattern has limited us. So this pattern of repair, rebuild, the sneaky payoff to this one is it gives you something to point at. Look at what I'm doing. Look at what I invested in. Look at what I'm trying. Look at what I'm building. But what it never gives is the actual foundation to hold it. The foundation has to come first. And I know this analogy is like beat into the ground, so overused, but there's a reason it's so overused. Because it makes sense. If you're building a house and you're putting up walls without a foundation, where are the walls gonna sit? Or if there's a crack in the foundation and you're like, oh, maybe I need to fix the wall instead, it just doesn't logically make sense, does it? You'd fix the foundational crack first. And so looking at our business through that same lens, looking at do you have that solid foundation? Because the thing is a lot of the women that I work with actually have a solid foundation. But the gap is the fact that they don't allow themselves to be supported by that foundation. So they have the structure, but they don't have the internal spaciousness to allow that structure to support them and allow them to grow from there. So instead, they're constantly seeking chaos, drama, being driven to what else can I fix? As opposed to just having that white space, that spaciousness, that stillness to allow the foundation to be there. Just sitting with that for a moment and notice where you feel that in your own system. Are you actively fixing things that are actually fine, that don't need to be fixed? Because staying in motion feels safer for you than being in the stillness? Are you trusting what you have built? Or are you looking around, being like, oh, this person's doing it better? Oh, maybe I need this strategy, maybe I need to incorporate this. And so that quiet those quiet, sneaky little questions are actually planting a different pattern then within your system. Something else for you to fix. That self-doubt, lacking self-trust. And that is the same pattern, just wearing a different appearance. Taking an honest look at where you are. And maybe for you, that is going back and building a more solid foundation. Looking at what are the bones, what is the actual structure that I need where I can feel safe and supported to expand. And if you already have that foundation, amazing. Then you can look at, okay, am I actually softening into this foundation and allowing the consistency of what I have built to compound over time. I'm going to leave you with those questions for today. And of course, if you want to go deeper into your own personal pattern and how that is playing out for you, I created a free resource for you to help you pinpoint it. It's called You Are Not Stuck.