Cold Open Chaos & Roll Call

SPEAKER_07 0:00

Look at those calves. Walk slower, buddy. Walk slower. I don't even think he can hear us right now. Waste it on him. Dep Maddie, what are you doing? Somebody record him. The best part is that soundboard's gonna come up and Maddie's gonna be like, what the fuck? Right. Wait, when did this happen? Welcome to Oathbreaker, a DD story. I am Brendan the Irish Wookiee, and with me today is Bill. Hello, I am Bill.

SPEAKER_09 0:38

I play Zayn, the half orc warlock. And Justin.

SPEAKER_02 0:45

Hi everybody, I'm Justin. And hi Brandon.

SPEAKER_07 0:48

You already missed your opportunity there, brother. Fine. Excuse me for me.

SPEAKER_10 0:52

You know, he he misses one session and he forgets the thing he's been doing for five years.

SPEAKER_02 0:58

I told you guys I'm fucking stupid. I don't want to push your word for me. Hi, Justin. Hi, Brandon. Uh I'm playing Met uh Jesus Christ.

SPEAKER_00 1:09

Wait, you're playing Jesus Christ? I didn't know he had that character. I think he's copyrighted and you'll have to pick a new you have to pick a new name.

SPEAKER_12 1:19

In this exciting episode of a DD story. Jesus Christ.

SPEAKER_00 1:26

That's gonna be a very epic uh character.

SPEAKER_10 1:31

It hasn't been three days yet, there's still a chance Xaniper comes back.

SPEAKER_02 1:39

Alright. I'm playing Nailvax, the male human monk. Pass, please.

SPEAKER_00 1:47

And Maddie. Hey everybody, I'm Maddie. I play Vain Doss. He's Cleric.

SPEAKER_07 1:52

You do not play Vane Doss.

SPEAKER_00 1:54

Doss Vane?

SPEAKER_07 1:56

Voss Dane.

SPEAKER_00 1:57

Voss Dane. What is going on, Doss? I don't know. It was Dane Voss at one point in time. Voss Dane, the uh half elf cleric.

SPEAKER_07 2:10

I I expect this amount of stumbling towards the end when we're all four or five drinks in. Not at the beginning.

SPEAKER_10 2:18

And Andrew. Hey everyone, I am Andrew. I play Elvar Ulfredson, the Goliath fighter in a little bit of perfect. And finally, Ray.

SPEAKER_12 2:31

Hey, I'm Ray. I play Harleck, the Kanku Bard Warlock. Perfect. Uh Justin.

SPEAKER_09 2:38

Were you about to stumble over that and say that you you play Ray? Yeah, I was it was close to I was I was definitely like Do you have a question, Justin?

SPEAKER_02 2:49

Yeah, just checking clarity. Did Andrew sound clear for you guys? He sounded a little like uh static y to me.

SPEAKER_10 2:55

He sounded okay. Do another test for me, Andrew. Test, test. Brandon sucks cock test.

SPEAKER_07 3:01

No, sounds clear, concise, everything's good.

SPEAKER_09 3:05

Accurate and true.

Recap: Cursed Crown And Missing Heir

SPEAKER_07 3:06

Alright. I want to say thank you to everybody for following us, liking us, giving us ideas. It means a lot to us. Make sure you check us out on Facebook at facebook.com slash a d story. Retweet us on Twitter or EX at ad story2. Follow us on Instagram, Instagram.com slash a dnd story, and finally check us out on blue sky at B S K Y dot app. That's a DND story. Um so we did miss Justin last match or the the last session. So we're yeah, I did miss you dearly and deeply. So we're not gonna ask him to roll, but everybody else, please roll for some recap.

SPEAKER_03 3:44

Never again.

SPEAKER_07 3:45

Never never again.

SPEAKER_10 3:48

I got a 14.

SPEAKER_09 3:50

I got a five.

SPEAKER_10 3:52

I got a six and edge still out by one.

SPEAKER_12 3:56

Man, that one was looking stable for a second, and it went over to the fifteen. Ooh, yeah, it looks like you're doing some recaps today.

SPEAKER_09 4:04

Alright. So we start out the episode or the session with uh all the party receiving Seinmonder and a dozen knights, loyalist knights. They came from wherever they came from, and they all came to us. We offered them sanctuary to come into our manor. Then we entered into a huge lore dump where we got a bunch of information. And the dozen loyalists knight are basically who they could get out, and they pretty much only got out with what they're wearing, not including any of their magic items or special power stuff. And then uh somebody prodded Seinmonder to finally get information. So we did get uh information about what the public truth was, and that's what he called it. The official story is that uh Seder Lord Dasmag kidnapped the old queen. Uh King Waldrin and some allies went to Feywild to rescue her. Waldrin did a duel, I think, or something of that nature with Seder King Dasmag, and that the king King Waldrin recovered his queen, but in something happened, and the public story is that on the return, that Father Lester and the crown prince or Prince Heir or Heir Prince or whatever his firstborn son killed in Quicksand. And while Seinmonter was telling that story, Risio was there, he is heckling Seinmonder all throughout the retelling of the story, and said, Yeah, it's convenient how Quicksand got rid of people with dissenting opinions. And when he told us the actual truth, apparently uh Seinmonder believes that the curse, there's a curse on the crown, that the Satyr's blessing that the Seder gave to Waldrin when they chummed it up and drank was actually a curse, that Seinmonter fought his son and killed him, hence the kin slayer from his mom, who was actually also thought to be dead, and that we need to get the curse cleared on the crown. But basically, Father Lester and the prince uh questioned the king. The king did not like that, so he killed his son, and Father Lester was abandoned in the Feywild and not allowed to come back to the Primaterial Plane. So our next steps, we're supposed to investigate several things. One of them is we're going to uh talk to the architect of the the new castle. Then we're also supposed to get a key that'll unlock any lock. Um, and then Master Eden, who is the master of the Arcane Tower, might have information about how I can't remember some truth that he might have. Oh yeah. And uh the crown, if we can't cure the curse, we're supposed to destroy it. We can also shove it into a box that Risio has or knows the location of that apparently nullifies all magic that's inside of it. But if we're gonna do that, we have to nullify the magic that's already in it, which is some kind of magic idol that drains the life out of everything near it. And that I think is it. We didn't get anything. Uh we didn't get any magic items or anything. We actually got twelve knights that are now living in our um barracks. And Seinmonder is over there too, I think.

SPEAKER_07 8:02

You gave Seinmonder a room, actually.

SPEAKER_09 8:04

Oh yeah, we gave him a room upstairs. That's right. Did I miss anything? I think that's it.

SPEAKER_07 8:10

That's pretty good. Anybody have anything to add? God damn it, Justin. They were participating.

SPEAKER_02 8:15

I took really bad notes last time, too.

The Plan: Find The Architect

SPEAKER_10 8:19

Maybe just uh that we ended the episode planning on going to get the architect. Yeah, in disguise. Yeah. Yeah. Yep. We're gonna disguise ourselves because we were afraid that people were looking for us. Okay. Perfect.

SPEAKER_07 8:34

Alright. So, uh, Bill, you get some heroic inspiration. Alright, I will not use that. I know. I'm keeping a running tally of how many times we've used it. This is I know we used it last time. Yep, this is our tenth recording, and we have used it twice. Nice.

SPEAKER_00 8:51

Has both those times been me?

SPEAKER_07 8:53

Uh I don't I don't have a track of who has used it.

SPEAKER_00 8:56

I am making sure I use it every single recording. Every day I'm gonna use heroic inspiration.

SPEAKER_10 9:03

Yeah, Maddie definitely did use it at the old grinder. Hmm. Alright. I don't know about the second time though.

SPEAKER_07 9:10

Fair enough.

SPEAKER_09 9:12

Okay, so he just used it last episode.

SPEAKER_07 9:14

Yeah, I've got him, I've got him using it a second time. Well, I've got him using it last episode. Alright. Uh Nailvax. You have finished your very long bathroom stent. That's where you were. It's a it it's lore, it's official. Uh the entire last episode. So you finish in the bathroom, and you uh you start walking back towards the main corridor. Uh your boots are echoing down the hall, and you suddenly see four figures. You see Seinmonder first, then you see four figures standing around him, all leaning over uh some leaning over a table. And at first it looks like you see uh four regal, tall uh women in dresses, and then after closer inspection, what you actually see is Eldvar uh stuffed into ruffles that end about three inches above his knees, and his biceps are straining against the sleeves. Uh you see Voss uh trying a little too hard to look graceful, and he's tripping on his own on his own dress. Uh Harlach is cocking, continuously cocking his head back and forth, side to side, and you can see feathers poking out of the bonnet he's wearing. Uh it was clearly not designed for beaks. And then finally, you see a uh a very tall half orc who, surprisingly enough, is looking genuinely elegant, though upon a little bit closer inspection, you can see that the shoes are about two sizes too small for him. And then Seinmonder, hearing your approach, looks up and he just shakes his head and says, Don't ask.

SPEAKER_02 10:55

I wasn't gonna judge. We've all been there, right? We're all here right now. Um is uh so I guess this one's for you, Brennan. Are we skipping over introductions? Like, do I am I familiar with Eldvar?

SPEAKER_07 11:16

Uh you have not ran you have not ran into Eldvar before. Okay. Other than other than the brief combat slash encounter from the bar over to the mansion.

unknown 11:27

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_07 11:29

You've not really had an opportunity to sit down and talk to him.

SPEAKER_02 11:32

Uh he'll go over and extend his hand in like a palm-up fashion, like he would to a lady, and uh he'll approach Elvar and say, Hey, uh, who is this tall glass of water?

SPEAKER_10 11:42

Uh Elvar is gonna look around uh for a glass of water, and seeing none, uh he'll turn back to Nelvax and just kind of like very strongly grasp his forearm in a in a warrior grip. Uh not quite sure about any water around here, but I'm Elvar, uh Elvar Olfredson. And uh it seems I might have gotten wrapped up in whatever it is that y'all got going on here with uh there were some wolf people and and things like Vlasti! Vlasti, what's going on again?

SPEAKER_01 12:12

Uh, don't worry about it, man.

Disguises, Banter, And A Letter

SPEAKER_00 12:14

This this this ain't a normal occurrence, but I think it'll get us by, uh, to get us uh get us into town without nobody seeing us. You know, they're they're never gonna recognize us like this. Hey, we've got a full closet back there. Just take your pick. Mordane'll give you a hand if you need one.

SPEAKER_06 12:35

Uh yes, of course, sir. Uh come right this way. I've got a a fine polka dot summer dress that would fit you perfectly.

SPEAKER_11 12:42

While being frustrated with the bonnet and like, uh, is there a reason we did the dresses again?

SPEAKER_01 12:47

Because we can't use magic, silly.

SPEAKER_09 12:50

Zane says we have to disguise ourselves.

SPEAKER_01 12:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_09 12:56

That's it. Matter of fact, we have to disguise ourselves.

SPEAKER_07 13:00

Uh alright. Please tell me Voss is not the smartest person in this group. He might be. No.

SPEAKER_12 13:07

No, I got a plus one. Zane is a 12 as well, so.

SPEAKER_07 13:11

Okay. But Zayn's wisdom is a plus zero. So he knows the tomato's a fruit, but doesn't know not to put it into a fruit salad.

SPEAKER_09 13:27

So Zane's dress is yellow, by the way. Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 13:32

Harlach, we uh we couldn't go out as ourselves. And so we asked Mortain about disguises, and he said there were lots of dresses. And I think that's how we got here.

SPEAKER_11 13:44

I'm just worried a little bit, I guess dresses don't go on birds so well.

SPEAKER_01 13:50

And don't worry about it. You look fabulous. Oh. And just like gets all beat red. I hardly recognize you in that sun hat.

SPEAKER_06 14:01

Isn't your canku covered with black feathers?

SPEAKER_12 14:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 14:06

Okay.

SPEAKER_12 14:07

I got this guy self. I can just change colors and stuff. Oh, perfect.

SPEAKER_07 14:12

So uh Nelvex, you're going with Mortain to go and change into a dress?

SPEAKER_02 14:17

Yeah, I think so.

SPEAKER_07 14:18

Perfect. Uh you have successfully changed into a summer polka dot dress, uh, if you want to describe yourself coming down the stairs like uh you're coming down for a prom.

SPEAKER_02 14:29

So it's like a uh a sun dress, you said? Yes. Okay, so it's uh I'm pretty graceful as a you know dexterous and lithe-bodied individual. Um so as I come down the stairs, I've got one hand just like lightly grazing across the banister as I come down the stairs. I've got some like low heels, like nothing too crazy, right? Um and I've got like the the hip my hips swaying because I'm really trying hard. It's it's pretty snug up on top, kind of showing off my physique, and it's kind of loose and flowy down to the knees. It's uh hard to tell if it's more yellow or white, but there is a it's all polka dots. If you look real close, you'll see it's base yellow with white dots, but like the dots are big enough that it kind of just like it's almost checkered.

SPEAKER_12 15:12

I like plays them in the entire time, too.

SPEAKER_08 15:18

Lady in red.

SPEAKER_07 15:23

Uh Seinmonders seeing all of this is just kind of shaking his head. He's you can see him trying not to laugh, but he's also getting a little frustrated. And he finally points down at the map and he says To reach the royal quarters. And he gets interrupted as Mordain walks back into the room. He says, Uh, pardon me, sir. I believe uh I believe this was left for you. And he hands Voss a small parchment that's rolled up with a seal.

SPEAKER_00 15:51

Uh Voss will take it. Does he recognize a seal?

SPEAKER_07 15:56

Yeah, the seal is uh for it the seal is the official seal of the tower.

SPEAKER_00 16:02

So I probably recognize this as being a uh a message from his mother. Uh so I'll take it and uh open it. Okay. And I I won't read it out loud to myself, but you'll kinda hear uh Voss as he's as he's reading it. He's kind of mumbling quite loud, but it's incoherent.

SPEAKER_07 16:20

Uh okay. So what I will do is I will drop this in the chat and you can mumble it to your player to the other players. Okay. Mumble mumble.

SPEAKER_00 16:32

Squeaker, squeaker, squeak. Squeaky, squeaker, squeak. Maybe his mom and his secret language is squirrel.

SPEAKER_07 16:41

I will tell you it is not.

SPEAKER_10 16:45

Well then I will not cast speak with animals. Thank you. Alright, go mad.

SPEAKER_01 16:50

Alright. Magic. Thunder. Alright, bring you a kid. Huh.

SPEAKER_08 17:09

I thought he was actually gonna fucking read the letter. No, he said he was gonna mumble.

SPEAKER_00 17:15

I told you I was gonna mumble.

SPEAKER_07 17:17

Okay, we'll pretend that he he could just I can read it out as your mother if you if you want me to. That's fine. Oh. So yeah, go ahead and do that guy.

SPEAKER_09 17:29

I think this story goes better though. Because all of us, like I just picture in my head, I don't know what anybody else's characters actually doing, but in my head I picture everybody just staring.

SPEAKER_07 17:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_09 17:42

At him waiting.

SPEAKER_07 17:44

I'll let this play out, and then when you guys are ready, I'll read it to everybody.

SPEAKER_00 17:48

Go ahead. Yeah, I think that's that was enough. I thought that's what you wanted, but it's really funny that it's not.

SPEAKER_02 17:59

I thought it looked good, but I didn't mean to take his words away.

SPEAKER_07 18:05

So Seinmander, just thoroughly frustrated that he's been interrupted several times and the shenanigans with the dresses, rips it out of uh Voss's hand and reads it. And it says the following, and I'm reading this not in Seinmander's voice, but uh Voss's mother's voice. My son, the tower thrives once more. With the hag's power upon us, our halls blaze with true magic. Words that were muted now thunder. Apprentices suffer suffer rightly under the weights of discipline, and the Archmage proclaims our dominion eternal. This is the strength to which you to which you must return. I have little patience for wanderers. Your absence is remarked upon, and each remark stains my name. You must consider carefully where your loyalties are displayed and with whom. Even the most careful foundations can falter if cracks appear. You remember the gardens we walked when you were younger, how still they were then, though filled with wild things? The city has changed now. Such places are not what they were. It would pain me to think of you straying there again. But I suppose some children never forget their fascinations. I remind you, silence is often survival, and survival is the tower's only command. Your mother, seventh circle magistrate.

SPEAKER_01 19:28

Like don't sound sound too good, Nan at all.

SPEAKER_06 19:32

I'm sorry, say that again, Justin.

SPEAKER_02 19:35

Like Seventh Circle as in part of the tower, Seventh Circle Magistrate? I don't think we knew that.

SPEAKER_10 19:42

Wait, wait, Vossi. Your mother works for the tower?

SPEAKER_01 19:48

Uh yeah, she's one of them high-up monkey mucks, if you know what I mean.

SPEAKER_10 19:53

Uh I'd I'd I'd never get to see that high. Oh, I just uh deal with people kinda like you.

SPEAKER_01 20:01

Yeah, she uh there's there's something a little more going on here. She would never want me to come back.

SPEAKER_00 20:08

And the fact of her having little patience for wanderers, uh I I feel like she's being coerced into something and is likely to find herself in a bit of trouble.

SPEAKER_10 20:18

I mean, her letter her letter said to come back.

SPEAKER_01 20:22

I know. That's what makes me a little bit worried about this situation.

Clues Point To The Monster Menagerie

SPEAKER_07 20:27

Uh Voss, give me an insight check. With advantage, because you do know your mother. The DC is 15 to fast.

SPEAKER_12 20:34

Here comes we really ever know our parents. How well do you need to be? I mean Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:41

So I essentially just for you guys and then the the folks listening, uh Voss's mom has been kind of like an inside informant of his that he's definitely, you know, kept the relationship strongly guarded. Um because she knows that he helps people escape the tower. Um, but she is kind of his his insider uh person that's you know helping him do those kind of things, and she knows there's no secrets between the two of them. Um but a letter like this is more or less sounding like she she would never tell him to do something like this. Yeah, I got a 17 on that role.

SPEAKER_07 21:20

Perfect. Yeah, you can tell from this that um your your mother is writing very stiffly. Uh it she's writing in her very official voice, um, but certain phrases don't fit, such as the gardens. You guys never walked in gardens when you were younger. Uh cracks in foundations.

SPEAKER_01 21:42

Careful foundations.

SPEAKER_07 21:43

Yeah. Uh so you careful foundations can falter if cracks appear. Like that those things don't really fit in there. And you can you also see that uh this is this is written as if somebody was somebody was going to read it before it was sent.

SPEAKER_00 22:00

Okay. Alright, guys, I gotta go see my mom. Talk to you later. No, I'm just kidding.

SPEAKER_07 22:05

Um, I think he's gonna We're gonna need to take a five-minute break. I didn't plan for this one.

SPEAKER_00 22:11

You gave me a note.

SPEAKER_01 22:12

Um, we're gonna have to look into this one some more, but first I think we got a couple other things to take care of.

SPEAKER_10 22:21

Yeah, we uh we gotta get that that guy, right? The arch or arch techie.

SPEAKER_09 22:27

The architect, Zane says, and uh he tells Nelvax that uh the plan is the first step in the plan is to go rescue this architect and bring him back here. And he'll tell us how we can sneak into the how we can sneak into the tower or into the royal chambers. Then we have some other things to do, and he kinda briefly summarizes the stuff that I said in the recap, um, that will go get the key, figure out how we can get rid of the thingy in the chest, and then put the crown in the chest.

SPEAKER_01 23:11

Sounds good, they'll never see us coming.

SPEAKER_09 23:14

No, that's disguise.

SPEAKER_00 23:16

Nurtin dresses like these days, won't it attract some of the wrong attention, if you know what I mean. We might want to stay out of certain parts of town.

SPEAKER_09 23:27

Oh, and Seinmonders said that him and his knights are gonna watch over the manor while we're gone.

SPEAKER_11 23:33

And where we're going, uh, it's like no magic at all, right? That's super frowned upon.

SPEAKER_01 23:39

Yeah. And hopefully it's not too cold.

SPEAKER_10 23:44

I find uh I find this dress a bit breezy. It's it's quite nice this time of year.

SPEAKER_11 23:52

I feel like I got too many layers on.

SPEAKER_12 23:54

He starts messing with all the ruffly stuff.

SPEAKER_02 23:57

Oh, you should you should try something lighter like this, and he'll do like a little twirl at his his skirts kind of flare out a little.

SPEAKER_10 24:04

Eldvar is gonna let loose a whistle as you're spinning around. You got an eye for this sort of thing, don't you?

SPEAKER_02 24:14

I'm light on my feet.

SPEAKER_07 24:17

For the record, if you guys don't sleep with my NPCs, but you sleep with each other, I'm also happy with that.

SPEAKER_01 24:26

As long as I can watch.

SPEAKER_07 24:29

I just gotta listen. The DM is the ultimate cuck.

SPEAKER_00 24:33

Oh my goodness. Uh and if you are one of our top-tier Patreon subscribers, you too can listen.

SPEAKER_09 24:41

And watch. No, never mind.

SPEAKER_07 24:50

Alright. Uh Seinmonder uh bangs his hand against the table and he says, Can we get back to this? Time is of the essence.

SPEAKER_01 24:59

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_09 25:01

Waiting on you.

SPEAKER_02 25:07

I I didn't think you were going anywhere. Don't maybe get dressed, and he'll dress her down at himself again.

SPEAKER_07 25:17

Uh Seinminder looks at you, and you can see this 50-year-old man try very hard to roll his eyes and then focus on the map on the table.

SPEAKER_04 25:28

He says he tries Go ahead.

SPEAKER_10 25:30

I I was just gonna say, when he tries to roll his eyes, uh Eldvar's gonna boop him on the nose and say, Turn that frown upside down, cranky pants.

SPEAKER_07 25:41

Lord Seinmander looks up at you, and I say up because he is not a tall man, he is a dwarf. Uh, and he says a dwarf? 15 years old?

SPEAKER_09 25:52

He's a child. Come up a couple times.

SPEAKER_07 25:54

He's a dwarf paladin. And he he he uh he says, I advise you not to boot me on the nose.

SPEAKER_01 26:05

Boop. At least he didn't try to give you uppies. Roll for initiative. Brandon's reaching for dice, hold on.

SPEAKER_07 26:18

Uh faster than you can blink, uh, Eldvar, uh Seinmonder pulls a small, it looks like a miniature version of his Warhammer that he carries out from his side and smashes your foot with it.

SPEAKER_12 26:32

Second character down.

SPEAKER_04 26:34

Oh!

SPEAKER_10 26:36

And and Elvar's gonna like grab his his shin and kind of hop around on one foot uh and just kind of hop away. And you're gonna take one point of bludgeoning damage. Okay, that's like a third of a percent of my health. Do you want me to take more? What are you trying to say here? You have 300 health? Nah, I've got 64. But I have an intelligence of eight, so I don't I can't do the math.

Breaking In: Locked Gates, Unlocked

SPEAKER_07 27:10

Okay. Uh Lord Sidmonder quickly sheaths his little war hammer, and he uh he points down to the map below him and he said he says out loud for everybody to hear him, you've seen for yourselves how the tower strains against the old order. Uh the queen is no fool. She knows she must unmake what was built before or risk being devoured. That is why she hunts the architect. The architect, Nardir Teak, N-A-R-D-E-R, T Y K, drew the bones of our palaces, our hidden cha chambers, even the tower itself. Whoever holds him controls the very skeleton of the capital. Um he then takes a second to look at each of you and says, If Nardir is alive, he is worth more than a hundred soldiers. But he'll also be more dangerous, for he knows too much. I recommend, if you're going to look for him first, that you start at his flat.

SPEAKER_01 28:11

Hey, do you know any whereabouts that might be?

SPEAKER_02 28:15

Don't worry, sign, you know we'll come through for you.

SPEAKER_07 28:18

Uh he nods his head appreciatively and he says, I can't spare my own hand in this. My face is too well known, and my enemies are too eager for it. But Risio here, he'll go with you. He's a talent of moving where shadows cluster, and he knows the alleys better than anyone. Uh Risio kind of smiles, and he steps out of the shadows of the corner of the room. He takes a very mocking bow and he says, Yeah, don't worry, I'll keep up. And if you lap blunder, I'll make sure the hounds bite me first.

SPEAKER_11 28:50

Oh, and I think it's time for you to dress up, Buttercup.

SPEAKER_05 28:53

No, that's that's not happening. You won't catch me dead in one of those. Besides, they don't have my color.

SPEAKER_11 28:58

Oh, I think he's got something.

SPEAKER_09 29:03

There's a I'm pretty sure I saw an olive green one in there. Isn't that your color?

SPEAKER_07 29:09

Uh it is, but I'm still not wearing Yeah, it is, but I'm still not wearing one of those dresses.

SPEAKER_02 29:15

Nobux is trying to be upset. That that Seinmonder suggested somebody's better at shadows than he is. I am Darkness.

SPEAKER_07 29:29

Uh Hello Darkness. You being a little upset, and he he places his hand out and pats you on the arm as he continues talking. He says, For my sake, please trust Risio. He knows the town. And remember, if you find Nardir, the Queen's eye will already be upon him. You will not be the only hunters.

SPEAKER_09 29:56

So Zayn is kind of looks around and says, I I think we're ready to go.

SPEAKER_02 30:04

I'm almost ready to go. I got anything I need right here.

SPEAKER_10 30:08

Elbar is going to uh grab his greatsword and strap it to his back and then fix his white bonnet to his head to hide the fact that he doesn't have any hair. Uh and just look over and say, Yeah, I I I think we're ready to go. Grab my bag of Holden. That is a lovely purse, and it goes very well with those shoes.

SPEAKER_04 30:31

Oh thank you.

SPEAKER_09 30:39

Zane will uh adjust his dress and you know, kind of make sure that every all of his uh his leather is covered and all that so that he just looks like a normal person in a dress and leggings and stuff.

SPEAKER_12 30:53

As normal as we can be in this disguises are gonna work.

SPEAKER_07 31:08

Alright, so uh do you have something to add now, Vex?

SPEAKER_02 31:12

Uh just a question for you. Mechanically speaking, are we like in disguise without our gear or are we in disguise with our gear? No, you're in disguise with your gear. Oh yeah. I'm good either way, just curious.

SPEAKER_10 31:25

Elvar would not know to take off his plate, and so this dress is over the plate.

SPEAKER_02 31:31

So then that second picture is more accurate to what we were actually doing.

SPEAKER_07 31:36

You know, you put me in a weird situation as a DM. Like, funny wise, I want to let this happen, but serious-wise, uh the the image of people walking through a town in full armor with dresses and bonnets on over top of that. Like, no fucking way.

SPEAKER_00 31:54

Nah, it's it's like in the game where you can have the armor, but then you get to pick what it looks like. That's what's happening here. It's not magic, it's just a I was gonna say, are you using magic? Oh, not magic, just a feature in the game. You can make old D mods. I told Lindsay. Yeah. I told Lindsay we were doing this, and she's like, that's the dumbest idea ever. It'll never work. Armor or anything aside, she just thinks it's a stupid idea.

SPEAKER_10 32:23

What does she know? Has she never seen an eighth-tall, bald woman just walking down the street with a dress over her plate mail? And a great sword strapped to her back.

SPEAKER_12 32:36

Yeah, I immediately thought of this going into this episode. Like, I just racially, I picked the worst thing for this specific test.

SPEAKER_02 32:47

You know, we're from the capital where you know fashion is current, and maybe this little town we're going to isn't uh isn't as up to snuff as we are. Maybe we're the tr we're bringing the fashion to the to the town, to village. Right, like like trendsetters. Yeah.

SPEAKER_09 33:04

And also the t the city is in chaos. Would a self-respecting woman or half orc female or whatever go out without her armor on? True.

SPEAKER_02 33:17

Right? It's called a breastplate. That's true.

SPEAKER_12 33:23

The modern adventuring woman.

Inside: Decay, Posters, And Footprints

SPEAKER_07 33:27

Uh okay, anything else before we move on?

SPEAKER_00 33:31

Uh I've got something while like while we're traveling.

SPEAKER_07 33:35

Uh okay. So uh so go ahead, Bill.

SPEAKER_09 33:39

So uh on the map is I'm assuming that Simoner was pointing at where the architect is on the map.

SPEAKER_07 33:46

Yeah, he pointed towards the North District.

SPEAKER_09 33:49

And is Zane are we I guess you're gonna tell us, but I was just gonna say, is Zane familiar with that area? Does he know anything about that area?

SPEAKER_07 33:58

All uh all of you are relatively familiar with the area, though none of you live in that area. Um Risio has a bunch of patrons up there. Um, and he's able to lead you directly to directly there through the back alleys and avoid as many of the patrols as possible.

SPEAKER_02 34:14

Well, that'll make us look really weird.

SPEAKER_07 34:18

Uh yeah. Yeah. Five of you in dresses following Risio around. He's your pimp.

SPEAKER_09 34:23

Yeah. Well, I'm assuming he's hiding in the shadows, so we can't see they're not gonna see Risio. They're just gonna see five women passing through the p the alleyways.

SPEAKER_07 34:35

That's the ugliest woman I've ever seen.

SPEAKER_09 34:38

Is uh is prostitution illegal in this city?

SPEAKER_07 34:42

Odds are even, Bill. Even it is illegal in this city.

SPEAKER_09 34:47

It is illegal or legal?

SPEAKER_07 34:50

Illegal.

SPEAKER_09 34:51

Okay, it is not legal. In onidbar, however you pronounce that. I I think we go on this way.

SPEAKER_07 35:05

Uh so yeah, Risio. Go ahead, Bill.

SPEAKER_09 35:08

What what is the name of this? Is it I got onabir. Onidbar. Onid on ad bar. Okay. Alright, sorry, continue.

SPEAKER_07 35:22

Uh so Recio says Alright, let's uh let's get heading out. And so he leads you through towards the North District. Um he's able to pass you guys through the gates without any without any serious issues, without any issues at all. And uh from the rains last night, you can see there's puddles all over the place, um, and they're collecting in the middle of all the uneven cobblestones all around you. The sun is shining pretty bright, but because of all the rain from the previous night, it there's a like a thick humidity in the air. Um the uh everybody's out, the locals are out. Uh, you can see that everybody's got kind of a um downtrodden look to them. They're they're avoiding the eye contact of anybody. You do run past some patrols, but they are busy interrogating other people so they don't see you until you get into the North District itself. I need everybody to roll me a stealth check at advantage.

SPEAKER_00 36:26

Before we do that, I wanted to do something while we're just traveling. Before we get into the city and things are actually uh I wanna uh I I took the note back from Signonger and uh stash it in my backpack, but uh Voss is gonna pull it out and kind of take a look at the note again, examine the seal, see if he notices anything additional about it that he can glean from it to or gives it a second read again. He's just trying to look for any additional details that he might have missed his first try.

SPEAKER_07 36:53

Uh yeah, give me another insight check. Not at advantage. DC you're looking for is 15.

SPEAKER_00 36:59

Uh would a 20 plus five for a 25 win?

SPEAKER_08 37:03

You got a you got a nat 20? I got a nat 20 on that one. How are you getting all these nat 20s? Uh, cheating. It's just straight up cheating with the digital dice. It's easy. Straight up cheating. Yep. Some old.

SPEAKER_00 37:16

I was expecting it to be an investigation role, and I was gonna do that a negative one, but I think I'd still win.

SPEAKER_07 37:24

Uh that's what I meant, but that's fine. I said insight, so we're gonna go with it.

unknown 37:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_09 37:27

So if you had if you have DD Beyond, if you pay the Ultra Plus membership fee, all of your roles, every other role will be a natural 20.

SPEAKER_07 37:35

Oh shit.

SPEAKER_10 37:36

Yeah, but the other one's gonna be a one.

SPEAKER_07 37:39

You know, I know that's not true because you succeed at too many things. Because I know you would have it.

SPEAKER_00 37:45

Pay to win.

SPEAKER_09 37:49

All right. Zane got a 16 on his stealth roll. Perfect. Uh I need your stealth, too.

SPEAKER_07 37:55

One second. For the uh for the insight slash investigation role, but I totally meant you do investigation. You notice a uh a small uh under the gardens, under the word gardens, there's a small uh M written under gardens.

SPEAKER_00 38:13

There's a small M written under gardens.

SPEAKER_07 38:15

Yes, M is in mic.

SPEAKER_00 38:17

Is the is the seal uh I mean I've I've gotten tons of letters from my mom in the past. Is that the seal that she would normally use?

SPEAKER_07 38:23

Yes.

unknown 38:24

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 38:25

Alright, I will note that down and uh promptly forget about it.

SPEAKER_07 38:31

Okay. Everybody else roll uh or everybody roll me a stealth check at advantage. It'll be a 24 for Eldvar.

SPEAKER_10 38:39

25.

SPEAKER_00 38:40

I we get it at advantage. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_10 38:43

I was just saying I got a 19 and a 20 on my advantage rolls, so my rolls are gonna be shit for the rest of the time. Are all of you good at stealth?

SPEAKER_00 38:52

No, I have a disadvantage of stealth, so I'm just gonna roll it flat.

SPEAKER_02 38:55

I think I got a natural 20 plus six. And my dice was a 19 plus six or something.

SPEAKER_07 39:02

We've we've used both of our nat 20s, or all three of our nat 20s for the night, so we might have to go back to the physical dice so that it's fair. Yeah, it's pay to win bullshit is really messing me up.

SPEAKER_09 39:16

So the other thing about the DD Beyond Plus Plus subscription is you you designate if you're a party member or the DM, and it just actually feeds in better rolls through the entire party. Oh, that's fantastic. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 39:31

Uh I got a I got a 12 on that one, so why don't I go ahead and use my heroic inspiration and I'll re-roll that one. Okay. Look, I got 19 that time.

SPEAKER_07 39:40

Uh so the pass for that was 10, so it's okay. I was really wanting to there's a little bit of an insight that I really wanted you to roll below a 10 on that second one because you had to take it.

SPEAKER_10 39:56

So technically the wording on heroic inspiration is when you fail a d20 test. So if he passed it. Oh, is it it wait, is it? Yeah.

SPEAKER_09 40:05

But the the other question I have is where did you get heroic inspiration?

SPEAKER_00 40:09

My workshop. You did the recap.

SPEAKER_04 40:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 40:11

Oh, okay. Oh, his workshop. I did the recap on the last episode, and I used my heroic inspiration then, but I get to hang out my workshop and get it.

SPEAKER_10 40:21

And Delvax has it because he's a human and got a long rest.

SPEAKER_00 40:24

I'll just grab myself that real quick. That's a human thing. I wonder why anybody would ever play a human. That's pretty cool.

SPEAKER_07 40:31

There's a couple reasons why you'd play a human.

SPEAKER_00 40:34

Huh.

SPEAKER_07 40:35

Okay. Alright, you didn't use your heroic inspiration.

SPEAKER_10 40:39

Well, when I click on the tooltip, it doesn't say anything about failing, so I might have that wrong.

SPEAKER_07 40:46

So uh you all successfully navigate your way through the alleys and streets, and finally walk up to the apartment building that uh that that Nardier's uh flat is in. Risio guides you up two flights of stairs, and you stop in front of a door labeled uh 221. When he says, Alright, guys, this is it. Uh I'll let you do your whole uh adventure thing. I'll be over here if you need me.

SPEAKER_09 41:21

Oh, over where?

SPEAKER_07 41:23

Uh he points down to the end of the hall and he starts walking that way. You know my name, just give me a call. I I I I don't Recio. He stops walking away. He says, Yes.

SPEAKER_05 41:39

Where where are you going? Right over here. I'm just walking to the end of the hall, guys. If this goes south, I don't want to get blown up. Oh, okay. They knocked on the door.

SPEAKER_10 41:52

Well, hearing that there is a chance that this goes south, uh, Eldwar is gonna take off his dress and neatly pack it back into his pack, because he doesn't want to ruin it.

SPEAKER_09 42:04

Okay. Prostitution is illegal. Keep your clothes on. If I do it for free, it's not prostitution. Oh. Good point.

SPEAKER_11 42:17

Oh, I think it still counts as like a sort of indecent type of thing.

SPEAKER_07 42:21

Zay knocks on the door. Uh Nelvex, did you have something to add?

SPEAKER_02 42:29

Uh I was just gonna ask, as we walked up, did we see if there's like any windows or balconies or anything from the outside that we want to either like look in or like protect the exit entrance?

SPEAKER_07 42:41

There are a few windows, but no balconies. They each each apartment on the outside has windows facing out. Uh, Zane, your knuckles wrap against the polished wood. Uh the sound is sharp as it echoes through the hall, and it's it's louder than you expect it, and for a long moment you don't hear anything. And then two doors down, you hear uh a a faint creak. And you can see the sliver of an eye looking out, and she whispers you you can hear her like you can hear a female voice coming from there as she's shaking her head, and she said and she you can hear her say, that teak boy kept himself too clean for this district, as he slam as she slams the door.

SPEAKER_09 43:28

What boy?

SPEAKER_07 43:29

Teak boy, his last name.

SPEAKER_09 43:32

Oh.

SPEAKER_07 43:33

She's being a kernel. You don't hear anything from the inside.

SPEAKER_02 43:38

Uh what kind of lock are we looking at? Is it like a simple one? I guess Novax will uh go down to Woodney and uh take a look at the lock and give me an investigation check.

SPEAKER_00 43:48

While he's doing that, uh Voss will reach over and turn the doorknob.

SPEAKER_07 43:54

Uh the door does not butch. It is locked.

Battle: Shambling Mounds Attack

SPEAKER_00 43:58

He figured it's worth The chance.

SPEAKER_03 44:01

You never know about these doors. Uh, what did you say, Nelvex? What did you roll? Got a nine on the investigation check.

SPEAKER_02 44:09

I mean, I would be familiar with locks. I would be able to look at it and I'm a professional thief.

SPEAKER_07 44:14

I agree. I was going to tell you additional information if you pass the check.

SPEAKER_02 44:19

Fair enough.

SPEAKER_07 44:21

Yes. Yeah, it it looks like a very simple, a relatively simple uh lock for a house.

SPEAKER_03 44:28

I would like to attempt to pick it. Alright. Uh give me a thieves tools roll. DC is twelve. Is that just uh Dex and proficiency? Yes.

SPEAKER_09 44:40

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 44:41

So a slide of handlework.

SPEAKER_09 44:42

Are you proficient, I assume? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 44:43

I am a slide of handlework.

SPEAKER_02 44:46

That's uh 24.

SPEAKER_07 44:48

Alright. Uh yeah, you you hear uh a faint click and the door pushes open.

SPEAKER_02 44:54

You also unlock it. Push the door open and like gesture for someone bigger than me to go first.

SPEAKER_00 44:59

Uh boss seems how you're standing right there fiddling with the doorknob while you're trying to pick the lock. Well, go through. With this with a shield up, he'll walk through the door.

SPEAKER_07 45:10

That's why I said the door pushes open. Cause we can uh boss is behind you like trying to twist the knob.

SPEAKER_09 45:22

We're ri we're new adventurers, we don't know what we're doing.

SPEAKER_07 45:26

Yeah, level five.

SPEAKER_09 45:28

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 45:29

Alright, yeah. So the the door gives way and immediately you're hit with the that that smell of like stale air, where there really has that there's not been fresh air introduced into the apartment for a long while. Uh a single beam of sunlight cuts across the room uh through half-drawn curtains, and uh inside it feels very quiet, a little too orderly, too empty, and just feels uh wrong. You can see directly in front of you there's a coat rack with two empty hooks, a pair of boots polished to a mirror shine, and an umbrella that's bone dry despite the rain from last night and this morning. The uh floorboards look like they've been cleaned and recently oiled. And all of you roll me an investigation check. Or a nature check. One or the other.

SPEAKER_02 46:24

The fifteen for Nelvex.

SPEAKER_07 46:26

For investigation or nature?

SPEAKER_02 46:28

Investigation. Same either way.

SPEAKER_07 46:34

Five.

SPEAKER_00 46:35

I'm gonna roll a nature check, but but I have a boon for that, and I'm trying to think of what it is. Does any of us remember?

SPEAKER_10 46:42

You have advantage on nature checks. Uh Elgar yeah, Eldvar got a eight on nature using a charge from his leatherbound book of giant magic. Perfect.

SPEAKER_09 46:54

Zane got a 16, one six.

SPEAKER_00 46:57

Uh I got a 14 minus one for 13 on my nature check.

SPEAKER_07 47:03

Ooh. Alright. So, uh Zane and Eldvar. You both notice that there are clear tracks leading inward inside the apartment. Um, but but only inside. And then Foss, you notice a small scuff that you identify as uh as manure from a large fern-eating beast.

SPEAKER_01 47:28

Well, it appears as there's some uh caca over there on the floor.

SPEAKER_09 47:32

And uh I don't see how anybody has left, only somebody has come in.

SPEAKER_01 47:36

Did you say cacao like a bird? No, caca like dookie.

SPEAKER_10 47:45

Elvar is going to uh Is it the nature check to identify the animal or is it a survival check?

SPEAKER_07 47:52

It was a nature check uh to identify the manure. There's no you're not gonna be able to tell. You you can't tell what type of animal it was. Okay.

SPEAKER_10 48:03

Uh then he is not going to start investigating the poop. Okay.

SPEAKER_07 48:07

That's gross. That's gross. Is there dust? Is there what?

SPEAKER_09 48:12

Any dust?

SPEAKER_07 48:14

There is a lot of dust, yes. As a matter of fact, through that see that single sunbeam of light through the half-drawn curtains, you can see dust moats floating all about as you've disturbed it, opening the door.

SPEAKER_01 48:26

So wait for an old creek place is pretty dusty.

SPEAKER_09 48:31

With only tracks coming in. Uh, Zayn will look to see where the tracks in lead to. Looking for any kind of like, is there a door or a cabinet or something like that?

SPEAKER_07 48:45

Okay. Uh yeah, you track them all the way over to a set a a closet, and as you open the closet up, there's a set of shelves inside.

SPEAKER_00 48:55

Just shelves. Nothing to shelves.

SPEAKER_07 48:56

Just shelves. There it's littered with a bunch of materials, a few bags. Um roll me a perception check, Zane.

SPEAKER_00 49:08

While he's doing that, is there any other uh bedrooms that we potentially could be like I boss would be wanting to like clear bedrooms and just check to make sure nobody's there.

SPEAKER_09 49:18

I am uh I rolled an eight, but I'm going to use my Dark One's own luck or whatever it's called.

SPEAKER_02 49:25

You have you actually have a heroic from the recap too, right?

SPEAKER_09 49:28

Oh yeah, I'm gonna use that. Sorry, I'm gonna use that instead. If I failed, I guess. No, I so if I know this is the problem. If I know I failed, I can't use my Dark One's blessing if but I'll use the heroic inspiration instead. Okay. What was it? Perception? Perception. Uh an eight? Does an eight work this time?

SPEAKER_00 49:55

You can do better than that. I'll cast guidance. You get a plus or one d4.

SPEAKER_07 50:02

I I guess I have not told you the E if you pass or not yet. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_09 50:08

Uh I got a four, so that gives me a twelve.

SPEAKER_07 50:11

Okay. You don't notice anything additional in this closet.

SPEAKER_00 50:15

I think you failed.

SPEAKER_09 50:17

Um or there isn't anything, he's just fucking with us to try and get me to use my heroic inspiration. Um so uh so there's just tracks leading into a closet with shelves that has some bags, and there's Okay, so Zayn will turn and look. Oddly, the tracks lead into this closet, but there's nobody in the closet. And he's starts rooting through the bags and such to see if he can get a clue.

SPEAKER_00 50:48

Wait, what do you mean there's nobody in the closet? Voss will go over there and take a look inside the closet.

SPEAKER_07 50:54

Uh so you're going over to see if anybody's in the closet while wearing a dress, making sure I'm hearing that out.

SPEAKER_00 51:01

Sure.

SPEAKER_07 51:01

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 51:02

So I mean I'll come out of the closet at some point.

SPEAKER_09 51:06

Zane will look at him and say, um, nobody's in the closet. I don't think I could say that any I I don't I don't know how else to explain it. This is a closet. I don't see anybody in here.

SPEAKER_01 51:20

But you said there's tracks going in there, right?

SPEAKER_09 51:23

Yes. That's why I said it was odd. Tracks going in, nothing coming out, and no people in it.

SPEAKER_10 51:34

There there must be another door in the closet, right? Or maybe if you stand in the closet and you open the door, it goes somewhere else.

SPEAKER_01 51:43

It's like a magical portal.

SPEAKER_00 51:46

Boss will also walk over there and check. Brandon, you're you're asking a bunch of idiots to do something. Since we're talking about it, can I do it too? Use my arrow we're playing sardines, guys. You're gonna be in the closet.

SPEAKER_07 52:02

You can all go over and give me a perception.

SPEAKER_10 52:08

I was just gonna start hitting myself. I wasn't gonna inspect it at all.

SPEAKER_08 52:12

I got a 22. Okay. Uh Novets. You got an eight. Okay. Harleck, what did you get? There is nobody in this closet.

SPEAKER_07 52:23

Alright. Harleck is my completely distracted by the dust moats floating around.

SPEAKER_11 52:30

Sometimes it's just so beautiful to watch things just go as they are.

SPEAKER_12 52:35

Yeah, just so wrapped up in it.

SPEAKER_07 52:39

Uh Nelvex, you you notice that there is a small pouch that has been moved a few times, and even with all the dust collecting on the shelf, you can see that the dust there has been disturbed uh as it's been picked up and moved and shifted a few times. It's a small pouch that would fit in the palm of your hand and it's got a drawstring at the top of it.

SPEAKER_02 53:00

I will pick it up. Is there like is it clear that it's been like s shuffled to the left or right, or just that there's like stuff in it?

SPEAKER_07 53:08

No, just that there's stuff in it.

SPEAKER_02 53:10

Uh yeah, I'll pick it up and look inside.

SPEAKER_07 53:12

Okay. Uh as you pick it up, uh, and and you look inside of it, you can see that there's a um Thank you. It's there's a yellow a fine yellow dust inside. Uh, you don't smell anything off of it. Um you've not uh it you don't smell anything, it's not moving at all. It's just like a very fine ground yellow dust. Roll me an animal handling check.

SPEAKER_10 53:38

Does your animal-friendly ring help you with this?

SPEAKER_02 53:41

It does not, actually. You'd think it would, but it doesn't. Uh it's animal friendship, fear, and speak with animals. But I will use my heroic inspiration to try to get something better than a six. A natural twenty?

SPEAKER_07 53:56

Yeah, so you you pretty quickly identify this Nelvax as it's it's an odor killer that's used by beast handlers, uh, specifically in uh specifically beast handlers under the crown's employment. So you've seen this used before at a local monster zoo called the Monster of Menagerie.

SPEAKER_00 54:17

Does uh Nelvax share this with the group? As soon as he's done taking notes, he does. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 54:23

Uh he uh hold this up. He says, he holds up this powder, he says, hey, sniff this.

SPEAKER_01 54:31

Hey, I've done that once before. No, no thanks, I'll pass quick.

SPEAKER_02 54:35

What does it smell like to you?

SPEAKER_01 54:36

What do you got? What do you got there?

SPEAKER_06 54:39

Oh, that sounds awful. Here, smell this.

SPEAKER_02 54:45

I think I've seen them using this at the monster's menagerie to cover up the stink of animals.

SPEAKER_01 54:51

Wait a second. Maybe that's where the uh the old doo-doo on the floor over there came from. From this bag?

SPEAKER_02 54:58

Uh it looks he looks from this yellow powder to the dark brown shit saying on the floor.

SPEAKER_01 55:02

No, not not from the bag, but from you know, the um the a beast, some animal kind, you know, something. Uh-huh. Yeah, maybe. Okay.

SPEAKER_07 55:16

Every time Voss speaks, I'm reminded that out of the pair of Voss and El and El uh Elvar, Voss is the smart one. Like he was the brains of the operation.

SPEAKER_01 55:28

Hey, I wouldn't have it any other way.

SPEAKER_07 55:31

Uh uh so as you're all talking, you hear uh a loud uh a loud male voice coming from the entrance where you all walked in. Hey! Who's in here? And uh Nelvex, you're the closest one. You turn to see a one of the city guards in full plate armor with his sword drawn staring at you. What are you what are you doing in this apartment? Or sorry, not Nelvex, Harleck. Harleck, I'm sorry. Sorry, Harlek is the closest one.

SPEAKER_12 56:06

Uh at the at the sight of the sword, Harlek's going to mimic uh some you know, like what a random woman that he's heard, and he's just gonna shriek real loud, like, oh my god, you stumbled me! Yeah, and then just try to like you know get him to calm down, like he just approached a pack like a group of women. A twelve.

SPEAKER_09 56:32

Don't you have like a a bonus so that you can't roll below a 10 or something?

SPEAKER_12 56:37

Uh oh, uh, that's for silver tongue. I think it's for deception and persuasion. Persuasion.

SPEAKER_00 56:42

Uh I would uh to to assist in helping him pass off that bunch of startled women, uh Voss will like try to hide his shield and cast guidance.

SPEAKER_06 56:54

Don't you have to touch them for guidance?

SPEAKER_00 56:56

Oh dang, I do have to touch them. Yeah.

SPEAKER_12 56:59

I also I do have an ability that lets me give advantage on skill tracks that I'm too proficient in. So I'm gonna I'm gonna take that and use that. That's Kanker Recall and hope the second one's better. Slightly better at 15.

SPEAKER_07 57:13

Okay. Uh the guard uh he he looks kind of ashamed and he blushes a little bit. He puts a sword away and he says, Oh very sorry, madam. Uh it's just next time you should probably keep the door closed so they don't walk in on you. And he he steps out and he closes the door behind him.

SPEAKER_11 57:32

I'll remember that you can.

SPEAKER_12 57:36

Yeah, just turn to turn to the group and give him a thumbs up. Like do you have thumbs?

SPEAKER_11 57:44

Yeah, I have a hand. I got hands.

Loot, Healing, And Cliffhanger

SPEAKER_07 57:46

Uh Harleck, you you can hear outside of the you said, yeah, it says, yeah, it was just just a woman in there. I got to see a bit of her bit of her skin. She looked she looked hot as they're walking away.

SPEAKER_00 58:00

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_04 58:01

Oh, what a pervert.

SPEAKER_00 58:06

Uh in your right, I do have to touch people for guidance. So I thought so, yeah. Yep, we're gonna be a little more touchy-feely here soon.

SPEAKER_07 58:21

There was a couple ways I saw that guard interaction going. That was not one of them.

SPEAKER_12 58:28

Like wet and roam.

SPEAKER_10 58:31

So I think as uh people are kind of like clearing out of the closet um with that interaction, Eldar's just gonna start like pushing up on the shelves and wrenching them free, and you know, physically tearing the closet apart to see if there's a hidden door or anything that would explain how someone could go into it and not out of it. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 58:54

Uh no X. A walk-in closet or like a wardrobe? It's a wardrobe. Like like a cabinet style.

SPEAKER_07 59:00

Yeah, it's a cabinet. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 59:01

Just making sure.

SPEAKER_09 59:06

I don't know, I'm lost. So I guess uh never mind, I don't have anything.

SPEAKER_00 59:11

Voss is gonna look for another room checkout. Is there any more rooms or is this all a single room?

SPEAKER_07 59:16

There are. Um Eldvar, uh, as you're knocking things all over the place, uh you notice a uh a small book fall from above the the highest shelf, and all of your disruptions seem to have knocked it loose from a hiding spot as it falls to the ground.

SPEAKER_10 59:35

Uh Eldvar is gonna pick it up and say, sometimes you just have to shake things and see what comes loose. Uh and then he'll open up the book. Can he read it?

SPEAKER_00 59:47

Can he read that?

SPEAKER_07 59:50

These are all very good questions. Uh you cannot read it.

SPEAKER_10 59:55

Okay. Uh well, it's all noish to me. Uh actually, no, I do speak noish. Uh it's all goblin to me. And then I'm just gonna toss it at uh Vasi because he's clearly far more intelligent than me.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:07

Uh I thought I had something for language. Uh Ring of the Order won't work here. Uh okay. So I'll I'll catch the book uh and then look. Do I recognize the language? You do. You speak it. What it what is it written in? It's Elvish. Oh, it's an Elvish. Hey, I I know this one a little bit. Thanks, sir, Daddy.

SPEAKER_10 1:00:31

Uh he's gonna uh Well I mean you are the brains of the outfit, so it it only makes sense.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:38

You make me blush with them kind of compliments. Uh he'll he'll read the book. Uh um or start like what maybe not read the whole He takes to sit down and start reading the whole book.

SPEAKER_07 1:00:50

What is the entire book?

SPEAKER_00 1:00:53

Can is there anything I think is gonna be draw my attention like I should be reading right now or what?

SPEAKER_07 1:00:58

So it is it's it's a book labeled uh Bichary of the Crown Beast, Menagerie edition. Uh and it seems to be a first edition copy. And inside it's got a list of all the uh all the beasts that have ever been at the the the menagerie. The monster menagerie.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:22

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:24

Uh yeah, I don't know, it's some book about some fantastic beasts things.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:29

I think I'll just hold on to this for later.

SPEAKER_10 1:01:31

Where where can we find them?

SPEAKER_00 1:01:33

I don't it doesn't I have I'll have to read the book before I find out where they find them. I don't know, probably in a suitcase someplace. We'll just hold on to this one for later.

SPEAKER_10 1:01:44

Eldar is gonna go back and look at all the bags that are on the ground and see if there's a suitcase.

SPEAKER_09 1:01:51

So Zayn Zane will um since he's of the two smartest people in the group with a 12, um he will say, I feel like something is pointing us to go to this menagerie. Are you sure? Am I sure what? That I'm thinking that something is pointing us there?

SPEAKER_00 1:02:21

Alright.

SPEAKER_09 1:02:22

Am I sure we need to go there? No.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:25

Alright. Before we take off to this menagerie, fantastic beast, let's uh check out the rest of this here apartment. And I'm gonna look for another room to check out. I I've been trying, man. Yeah, that's true. Fair enough. Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:02:45

Okay, uh, yeah, you so you you find a bedroom and a small office. And um the bedroom is very well kept, the bed is made, everything's in order. When you open up the closet in there, all of the clothes are set out on on entire outfits to wear day by day by day by day. Um then in the office, it is there's a uh there's a bunch of papers everywhere, uh, including a couple uh sketches. And uh roll me an investigation check.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:20

Is that for me?

SPEAKER_07 1:03:21

Yes.

SPEAKER_10 1:03:22

Okay, while he while he's rolling that, which outfit is missing and what day is today?

SPEAKER_07 1:03:28

Ooh. Um so it doesn't have them labeled on a day-to-day basis, but you can see that there are two hangers of missing clothes. And are they like two hangers?

SPEAKER_10 1:03:41

To the left or to the right? Because if they're they are all the way to the left. All the way to the left. And we're we're within the week all the way to the right? There are over 30 outfits here. Okay, so by day-to-day it's like day of the month and not day of the week. Okay.

SPEAKER_09 1:03:57

So are the clothes like a shirt and a pair of pants on the same hanger, or are they on two separate hangers?

SPEAKER_07 1:04:05

They're on the same hanger.

SPEAKER_09 1:04:06

One outfit missing or two outfits missing.

SPEAKER_07 1:04:09

There are two outfits missing.

SPEAKER_09 1:04:11

Alright. And if he's anything like an intelligent person, every time he uses one, it it cycles everything over. So the empty will always be all the way on the left.

SPEAKER_10 1:04:22

Well, I'm not an intelligent person because I pull my clothes from the center and then put all the hangers on the left. Things that hang up.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:34

Wait, you guys have closets.

SPEAKER_10 1:04:38

What was your advice?

SPEAKER_00 1:04:45

True. Uh, so I rolled a 17 for a grand total of uh 16 on my investigation.

SPEAKER_07 1:04:52

Nice. Okay, so yeah, you can see that there is a couple rough sketches of some underground tunnels, uh reinforced cages, and even some water drainage systems. But then as you're shuffling through the papers, you see one sketch that is labeled in shorthand MM feeding house in the margin.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:12

It's I mean, we're here looking for the the the secret royal entrance. Is there is he ascertained from any of those drawings that there's potentially one of those drawings is the hidden secret entrance we're looking for?

SPEAKER_07 1:05:26

Uh not that you can tell.

SPEAKER_10 1:05:29

Maddie, I I think this is for us to uh hop on the train and just follow the track.

SPEAKER_11 1:05:39

Cheekies, I'm getting a clue, guys. Oh, look, this one's got a paw print on it.

SPEAKER_08 1:05:45

All right. An announcer comes to the door and says, You've won a free trip to the monster menagerie.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:56

Hey guys, uh, there's nothing here. I think we should go check out this uh fan. Fantastic Beast Place.

SPEAKER_09 1:06:08

Are there any whole books? Like other than the elvish one that he read? There are a few books here, yes. Do any of them look like they would pertain information that would be useful later? Um like drawings of buildings or anything like that.

SPEAKER_07 1:06:38

You can see a survey of local fauna, uh codex of shattered stars, the brewer's almanac, but nothing is really like sticking out that would interest you.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:49

Oh, there's a there's a book called Nothing's Really Stickin' Out. I think I'll take that one.

SPEAKER_09 1:06:55

Zane will take the books anyway and put them in his bag to add to the library.

SPEAKER_07 1:06:59

Okay. Add the brewer's almanac, the codex of shattered stars, and a survey of local fauna to your inventory.

SPEAKER_09 1:07:06

It's so his plan is if he if they find this guy alive that he'll return the books, but if not, he doesn't want to have to come back here to get them.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:15

Stealing. Got it.

SPEAKER_09 1:07:18

Or that. There's a my that's a party inventory tab?

SPEAKER_00 1:07:26

Yeah, I saw that too. I didn't uh I I added my mom's note to it, but it didn't I couldn't re-access it, so I don't know how that actually works. Okay, I think they just recently added a party inventory to DD Beyond, but from your player sheet you have no way to see it.

SPEAKER_10 1:07:43

I apparently need to refresh because I can't see that, or maybe I'm not part of the party.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:47

Yeah, you you can't you can't see it, but if you go to add a new custom item, it'll let you it used to be like equipment or backpack, now there's party inventory.

SPEAKER_12 1:07:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:56

Well, there's also you can see party items that require attunement in the attunement section, but I haven't seen any other areas for it.

SPEAKER_09 1:08:03

So first, Almanica, what else did you say, real quick? Sorry.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:07

Uh what did I write down? Hold up, hold up.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:10

There's a tab. There's like my inventory tab and party inventory tab, but I don't see anything in there.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:17

Oh, there is okay, I see that. It's there is something now.

SPEAKER_07 1:08:22

The three books are Survey of Local Fauna, The Brewer's Almanac, and Codex of Shattered Stars.

SPEAKER_12 1:08:28

Oh, someone's got my dick in there. I'm sorry, what was that, Harleck? Uh, the party inventory.

SPEAKER_08 1:08:37

The party has your what in in there? The party has what in there?

SPEAKER_06 1:08:44

I read it too fast.

SPEAKER_07 1:08:48

Uh to all of Harleck's friends and family that are listening to this, you're welcome for bringing up the bad side.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:58

You can never go back. You can never go back, Ray.

SPEAKER_09 1:09:03

And I want to say the weight is 20 pounds.

SPEAKER_10 1:09:11

And it's labeled as 12 inches long.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:16

Who made this item?

SPEAKER_00 1:09:20

Twenty pounds. How do they know? Oh.

SPEAKER_11 1:09:25

Oh my god. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:29

Deb Beyond stop adding new features. Our podcast takes us long enough to get it.

SPEAKER_07 1:09:34

I wonder how that happens. I legit had the part with Seinmonter and this apartment slot it for 30 minutes. Why would you think that?

SPEAKER_00 1:09:46

Why send us to an apartment just to turn around and send us someplace else? Like, I don't know. We're about to leave. Did we miss something here? Because you're investigating. Alright.

SPEAKER_09 1:09:56

Yeah, this is not the investigative party.

unknown 1:10:02

What?

SPEAKER_01 1:10:03

Why not just send us to the players? I appreciate the effort.

SPEAKER_08 1:10:06

Yeah. Because I'm putting time and effort into the story so you can invest it in it, and otherwise we wouldn't have gotten the jewel of Ray saying, My dick is in the party.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:19

Party inventory. Can we attune? Andrew can edit that.

SPEAKER_07 1:10:24

Andrew can edit that.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:25

Can we attune uh can we attune to this?

SPEAKER_07 1:10:28

You can attune to Ray's dick. It takes a long rest, though. Long. Long.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:41

How long? Alright.

SPEAKER_10 1:10:43

12 inches. 12 inches.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:47

So Voss, for our listeners, Ray is blushing.

SPEAKER_07 1:10:50

Actively.

SPEAKER_12 1:10:53

Glasses are all fucked up and everything.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:58

Voss will go to the door. He's gonna open the door and look down the hall to make sure the guards still aren't there.

SPEAKER_07 1:11:04

The guards are not there, but as you look down, you can see Risio and he waves at you.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:10

Hey, Reese, Risio. And he gives him the uh the head the head nod to to come on over.

SPEAKER_07 1:11:15

Uh Risio takes a slow jog up to the door and he says, Yeah, what's up?

SPEAKER_01 1:11:20

Hey Bertie, you think you can uh get us to the uh the the fantastic beast place that the uh and he holds up the book and shows him a picture.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:30

Like a book in one hand, picture of uh the the the item that he had he found earlier. The feeding room the feeding room.

SPEAKER_07 1:11:39

Risio looks at both and then points to the book cover and he says, What do you think that says? I don't remember what it says, actually.

SPEAKER_10 1:11:51

It's the monster menagerie.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:52

The monster menagerie. Something about some fantastic beasts.

SPEAKER_10 1:11:58

You're an idiot. Okay. Could you just show us where to find them?

SPEAKER_09 1:12:04

Yeah, of course. Yeah, Zane will look at Reseo and say, There was a question. Yeah, yeah, I can take you there.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:14

Alright.

SPEAKER_07 1:12:15

Um is everybody ready to head out from the apartment?

SPEAKER_02 1:12:19

Can we go visit the closet again?

SPEAKER_03 1:12:21

Or there's so much dust there.

SPEAKER_09 1:12:25

We haven't opened Harleck in the closet. Alright. I think we should let Harlick out of the closet.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:34

No, I was at the door.

SPEAKER_07 1:12:36

Alright, so as you all walk up to walk towards the Monster Menagerie, Reseo is leading the charge, um, or leading the pack, and he sees and you all see a tall route iron fence uh that surrounds the vast grounds of the Monster Menagerie. Uh the black bars rise about 10 feet high, and they're crowned with sharp spikes, like uh kind of like a prison more than a park. Uh once as a jewel of the city, you can see that it's kind of silent and overgrown now. It's kind of been left to its own devices. But what strikes you all the most are the posters that are plastered all over the main gates, the ticket booths, and even nailed to nearby trees. Um, posters are relatively fresh, the ink bold and stamped with the wax seal of the crown, and a crimson sigil that drips like uh blood in the sunlight, and each of these posters read the same. By decree of Her Majesty Queen Athena, the monster menagerie is closed to the public. All creatures and caretakers are to be considered under the protection of the crown. Trespassing within these grounds is punishable by imprisonment or worse. Um you can see that some of these posters have been clawed or torn down, uh, and some have been smeared by the rain because the the ink is relatively fresh and the words are bleeding down the parchment. But the warning is is pretty clear. This place has been sealed not just by locks, but by by fear. And then from inside you can hear some noises, unsettling noises. You can hear uh the hoot of an enormous bird, you can hear distant splashing of something massive moving in water, and uh the faint metallic rattle of chains.

SPEAKER_10 1:14:26

So are are we currently outside looking in? Is that or are we like in the entryway of a of a zoo?

SPEAKER_07 1:14:33

No, you're you're outside looking in.

SPEAKER_09 1:14:36

Is there anybody around us looking?

SPEAKER_07 1:14:40

Uh no. Most of the public stays clear of this place.

SPEAKER_09 1:14:43

Alright. So Zayn will pretty much realizing that it doesn't really matter if we're caught in here or we're caught anywhere else, the punishment is going to be the same. So shrugs and walks in.

SPEAKER_07 1:14:57

Uh so their their the main gates are chained.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:02

Are they like bit you said wrought iron gates?

SPEAKER_07 1:15:04

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:05

Is there enough space for us to like squeeze through or are they pretty pretty tight?

SPEAKER_07 1:15:08

No, they're about six inches apart.

SPEAKER_09 1:15:11

I mean, look at me in this dainty dress. I am I should be able to squeeze through.

SPEAKER_07 1:15:15

Yes. The six foot four half orc.

SPEAKER_10 1:15:18

I mean, how do we uh what what do the hinges look like? Are they like a field hinge or is it just kind of set in it where the gate itself could be lifted up?

SPEAKER_07 1:15:28

Uh no, they are they are uh welded hinges. That that would make it hard for them to move.

unknown 1:15:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:36

Voss uh Voss walks up and even though the gate's chain like turns the latch.

SPEAKER_07 1:15:43

Yep. Uh the the the chain is still is still in place. You can't open the gate.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:48

Hey, there nailvax, you uh wanna come work your magic on this year lock? I think the door's shut.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:55

Oh, yeah, I can do, but uh hey, hey, Risio. Yeah, what's up? You got a like a way in here, or do we gotta do it our own way?

SPEAKER_07 1:16:04

Listen, I was told to guide you guys here, I got no way to get inside.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:08

I heard you know all the shadows. I'm just waiting for you to deliver.

SPEAKER_08 1:16:11

Yeah, I got shadows. The sun's out. Shadows Don't you need the sun for shadows to exist?

SPEAKER_02 1:16:17

We'll take care of it.

SPEAKER_08 1:16:20

Great.

SPEAKER_05 1:16:21

I'm gonna be right over here.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:23

The uh so this the gate, is there like a like an arch over the top of it keeping us from going over? Is there like a wall around it? What are we looking at here?

SPEAKER_07 1:16:30

Yeah, so the main gate is uh two arch semi-arched door or half-arched doors uh that come down. Uh they stand about 12 feet high. They've got the same iron spikes as the rest of the gate around it. The rest of the gate surrounding the entire property is about a ten-foot high gate with those uh those the sharp iron spikes at the very top. Uh each bar is six inches apart from the previous bar. And there is a chain with a large uh impressive lock on the front.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:00

Impressive, you say.

SPEAKER_07 1:17:01

Very impressive.

SPEAKER_10 1:17:03

Hey uh Vasi, didn't you didn't you find a piece of paper with a drawing on it at that apartment that we were in?

SPEAKER_00 1:17:10

Yeah, I got him right here. He holds it out for the group.

SPEAKER_10 1:17:14

Looking at the drawing, does the tunnel like connect to anything that we can see? Because it's it sounded like there was a secret tunnel going to the feeding pit, which totally sounds safe. Um are we able to like see if that goes somewhere that might be easier to break into?

SPEAKER_07 1:17:30

Hmm. Uh anybody looking at that can roll me a perception or an investigation check.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:37

That perception with my eyes?

SPEAKER_04 1:17:39

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:41

Because you can also use your ears. I have an advantage on wit on perception with eyes. Yeah, because you're looking at a map. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:47

Just making sure.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:48

I want to say it before I just do it.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:50

Alright, uh, fake 20 on that. Fake 20. 70.

SPEAKER_03 1:17:56

Justin. Elevent. Eleven. Okay. 14 for Elvar.

SPEAKER_07 1:18:02

Perfect. Arlock? 17. And Zayn?

SPEAKER_09 1:18:07

Uh 15.

SPEAKER_07 1:18:08

Alright. So you all notice that uh the the tunnel that the feeding pit is is pointing towards is inside of the gates.

SPEAKER_02 1:18:19

Okay. I guess I'll get to it. Uh I'll approach the lock and grab it, take a glance at it, and then get to work.

unknown 1:18:27

Alright, so I'm gonna do that.

SPEAKER_02 1:18:27

Roll out of hand?

SPEAKER_07 1:18:29

Yeah, roll me a slate of hand. This is a high DC, it is a 20. Oh, I got a 20 on the die.

SPEAKER_02 1:18:35

That's a 26 total.

SPEAKER_07 1:18:36

Oh dude. Uh you hear a click and the lock pops open.

SPEAKER_02 1:18:41

I'll I'll just like pull. I'll pull actually, I like the locks. I'm gonna actually put the pock lock it in my pocket uh to play with later. Because that's locked. Find craftsmanship lock like that, you know. You don't see that every day.

SPEAKER_07 1:18:51

Yeah, lock it in your pocket.

SPEAKER_09 1:18:53

Play with it in your pocket. It's a lock that you do not have a key for, but I am the key. He just opened it. How could he not have the key?

SPEAKER_07 1:19:05

You know, honestly, that better be Novak saying from now on, I am the key.

SPEAKER_02 1:19:09

I am the doctor, I am the key. You know. Are you the key master? Push the gates open and then uh like gesture, like give them a regal barrel to let them go through. Okay.

SPEAKER_07 1:19:21

Yeah, the heavy padlock uh gives a final metallic snap as you open it up, and then the chain draw loose. Um and once you open the once you open the gates, you can see that this park was once orderly. Uh it made sense, like all the all the paths were very clearly defined, but now those same paths have been swallowed by ivy. You can see the benches being split by roots, cages are saying sagging under the weights of the vines themselves. And that posters with the Queen's Crimson Seal, the same one you saw on the front, have uh some of those bits are inside. They haven't they're not hanging here, but they were torn off and pulled on. It looks like something pulled them in from the outside. Uh, and you once again hear that distant hoot.

SPEAKER_09 1:20:11

Uh so how long ago was this thing closed? I mean, would we have heard before that it was closed?

SPEAKER_07 1:20:22

It was closed less than uh so actually, uh yeah, Risio at the gates. You can hear him say, Man, I was just here last week. This place looks awful.

SPEAKER_09 1:20:38

Okay. So Zayn will try to think, is there anything that he can think of that would cause this to like fast forward in time like this?

SPEAKER_07 1:20:48

Give me history roll. Or arcana. History or arcana, actually.

SPEAKER_09 1:20:53

I stick with history, uh, natural twenty for twenty-one.

SPEAKER_07 1:20:56

Okay. Uh, you recall that Seinmonder and Risio have both stated that uh with the Hag's curse in place, all magic is kind of wild, and the strongest forms of magic have been unleashed in the world, causing causing spells to go asunder, uh causing things to just go wild without the proper intent and control, and uh the monster menagerie is houses magical creatures.

SPEAKER_09 1:21:26

Alright. Uh Zane will say um we may want to be careful the fall of the na um tower has caused the magic to go wild, so that may be something playing into this wild magic happening inside the menagerie. Menagerie however Brandon pronounced it, I can't remember.

SPEAKER_00 1:21:52

Menagerie. Boss will nod, but as he's like walking in, he he's like he you can see his eyes get wide, and he quickly stops and he runs back to the gate to shut the gate. Uh, because he doesn't want any city guards coming in. And then he wraps the g the chain around it to try to make it look like the gate's still locked. Perfect.

SPEAKER_10 1:22:15

Alright, Elvar will see him wrapping the chain and he'll pull a crowbar out from his backpack and like stick it through the chain to take the place of the lock that's now missing. Okay.

SPEAKER_09 1:22:27

Zayn will look at uh Nelvex and say, Do you have a cheap lock to put on that? I don't think the crowbar will fool anybody. That's you.

SPEAKER_02 1:22:38

Uh do I have a cheap lock? I mean, maybe. Uh I start rummaging through my pack. I gotta like pull my dress up to get to my bag. Uh and I start digging right here and there. Yeah, you've got a few cheap locks.

SPEAKER_11 1:22:50

Too much! Oh, oh my god, now look!

SPEAKER_00 1:22:57

Watch you you put a cheap lock on it and we're locked inside now forever because you can't open it.

SPEAKER_02 1:23:05

Yeah. You'll lock it. Okay.

SPEAKER_09 1:23:08

He tries to unlock it and it permanently locks it.

SPEAKER_07 1:23:14

Um so what you see in front of you is several paths that lead out from the entrance, and there is a map there, like uh like one of those large signs that shows you are here with the basic uh basic drawing of what the overhead map looks like. Zane, do you have something?

SPEAKER_09 1:23:35

I I will say just for everybody to realize that we just locked ourselves in here. If anything happens and we need to leave quickly, you guys are all screwed.

SPEAKER_02 1:23:46

I'm not screwed.

SPEAKER_09 1:23:47

I'm not either.

SPEAKER_10 1:23:50

I mean it wouldn't be the first time for me.

SPEAKER_07 1:23:54

He's already got another character rolled out.

SPEAKER_10 1:23:57

I don't right now.

SPEAKER_07 1:23:59

How dare you accuse me of that? I've seen your history. You've got like 40 of them.

SPEAKER_10 1:24:06

Only 40, okay. Yeah, exactly.

unknown 1:24:10

Okay.

SPEAKER_10 1:24:11

Uh so Eldvar, now that we're in, um, he remembers the last time he was here that there was a churros stand kind of near the front. And so he's gonna keep his eyes out for that to see if there's uh churros for the taking. Do you eat? Do I eat? Of course I eat. You can't put on this much muscle without eating.

SPEAKER_09 1:24:35

Oh, never mind. You're a Goliath. I was thinking sorry. I was thinking Warforged is what I was thinking.

SPEAKER_10 1:24:43

Elvar is just gonna keep staring at you. Is this guy stupid?

SPEAKER_09 1:24:56

Alright, so looking at the map, can we recognize where the uh feeding pit that the map the hand-drawn map took us would have taken would be, sorry.

SPEAKER_07 1:25:09

Yeah, so the map shows that you're at the entrance and it's got uh three paths going from it. You can there's a there's a main path straight down the center walkway, and it shows towards the fountains and some showgrounds. Uh the left path shows that it uh walks towards the gift shop and the aviary side, and then the right is the greenhouse. Uh nothing on the map shows where the feeding pit is. Um we were able to figure out where it was, but sorry.

SPEAKER_00 1:25:41

Can we cross-reference that to what I have?

SPEAKER_07 1:25:43

What up the bosses? Uh and then in the very center you see uh a diagram of a very large lake with uh what looks like a a pier and a place for a bunch of people to sit. Okay. Now, questions. Matty, you asked if we can cross-reference things?

SPEAKER_00 1:26:01

If we can cross-reference uh the map that we're seeing to the documents that we took from the apartment.

SPEAKER_07 1:26:08

So the the the the apartment documents do not show you where the feeding pit is. It just references them.

SPEAKER_00 1:26:17

I say there's there's nothing that we can we can look and on one map there's a statue, and on the main map there's a statue that could draw a ref or put a reference between the two.

SPEAKER_10 1:26:28

Yep. Okay. I was gonna ask, since like Eldvar has that forest tie as a ranger, and this is a big attraction within the city, and he would have been here before. Would he just know where the feeding pit is? Because I mean that shit's cool, watching big things eat things and tear them apart. Right? Or I could do a survival check to retrace my old steps because I'm an idiot, and I'd I'll probably take three left turns and end up exactly where I started.

SPEAKER_07 1:26:56

Uh I will say that anybody can roll me a survival or a history check.

SPEAKER_02 1:27:02

It's probably pretty rank too, like a a week without any of their shit being cleaned up, like the where the animals currently are will be.

SPEAKER_00 1:27:09

And we also heard three three distinct sounds of places, and so we should know approximately where to go for those.

SPEAKER_02 1:27:16

I got a 20 on survival total.

SPEAKER_00 1:27:19

Uh 14. I got a natural 20 on my survival. What the fuck is going on? Oh, Tadalus episode should be natural twenties raise all DCs.

SPEAKER_10 1:27:32

Um bar 1919.

SPEAKER_00 1:27:39

How many natural twenties have we rolled this episode? This has got to be a record. I think I'm at number six right now. I've had three.

SPEAKER_07 1:27:47

Yeah. I've had three. Maddie has had at least two. I've had one one. You all right. Uh Zayn's had one, and you've had one, so that's seven.

SPEAKER_12 1:27:57

Seven. I got an at one earlier.

SPEAKER_07 1:28:00

Good job, Ray.

SPEAKER_12 1:28:01

Yeah, no, I'm not I'm not I'm not getting the 20 love right now.

SPEAKER_02 1:28:07

I had a one also, but it was when I had advantage, so it didn't count.

SPEAKER_07 1:28:10

Alright, there you go. So everybody rolled survival except for Zayn and Harlech. They rolled history, Harlech got a 14, and Zayn got a four. Okay. Alright. So uh Voss, Nelvax and Eldvar. Um as you're looking around trying to figure out what's what's going on, you can see that there are some humanoid footprints that are are old and they're smudged, but they are leading uh to the right towards the greenhouse.

SPEAKER_00 1:28:42

Are we in a forest?

SPEAKER_07 1:28:44

You're not in a forest.

SPEAKER_10 1:28:45

And I don't think you have that ability. I myself uh lean a little bit to the left. Um, you know. Sometimes you gotta dress it right, but I think if we follow these footprints, uh they may be where we need to go.

SPEAKER_01 1:29:01

Yeah, I thought these footprints go off to the right. What do you mean, leaning left?

SPEAKER_10 1:29:06

He like looks down at himself and then he looks back up and he's like, it's a left-feeling kind of day.

SPEAKER_01 1:29:12

I think you got uh one foot on with the or one shoe on with a little bit of worn-out soul on you if you're leaning to the left. Let's go over here to the right.

SPEAKER_11 1:29:21

Are there are okay, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:29:25

You're the brief. I'll follow you. The footprints were leading to the right, correct?

SPEAKER_08 1:29:30

I'm only saying it once. There we go for the right.

SPEAKER_07 1:29:34

There we go to the right towards the greenhouse. Uh how did the rest of the party react to these two fucking idiots just talking to each other?

SPEAKER_00 1:29:45

Um I prefer the term Ugin Fiddiots. Ugin fiddiots.

SPEAKER_02 1:29:50

Novex is like trying to keep his cool, but he's like slowly, his jaw is just like a little bit of gape, and the longer this goes on, he's just like, You guys are fucking serious? This is the closet all over again.

SPEAKER_04 1:30:05

We'll be here.

SPEAKER_12 1:30:12

This is exactly like him.

SPEAKER_02 1:30:15

Guys no lines.

SPEAKER_06 1:30:20

What about Zane?

SPEAKER_09 1:30:22

Uh he is for the most part, he he realizes I mean, he's been hanging out with some of them for or for with Voss for a while, so he realizes the idiocy that's there, and just kind of is more interested in moving forward with the investigation so that he can try to figure out what's going on. So he's kind of ignoring it, willfully ignoring it.

unknown 1:30:49

Okay.

SPEAKER_09 1:30:50

Sometimes it will slide through. Sometimes it will slide through and and hit his irritation, but for the most part, he's just trying to be serious.

SPEAKER_00 1:30:59

So is is it safe to assume that the party kind of went off to the right while we were arguing, and then we both look and we're by ourselves, so we run over there and catch up.

SPEAKER_07 1:31:08

I like it. Um yeah, if that's what you guys all heading to the right?

SPEAKER_09 1:31:13

Yep.

SPEAKER_07 1:31:14

Alright. So the path to the right, um, as the path curves to the right, you there's some it's overhung with trees heavy from the rain from the night before. Uh there are vines that are snaking across the path. And you can see that there was some once like vibrant, vibrantly painted signs that are now very dull and covered in foliage and vines. And then beneath one of those beneath the vines, you can read you can just make out one of the signs that says that say, Get get transported to distant lands by the bloom of amazing colors and scents. Uh after a couple minutes, you stand before a greenhouse. Um more accurately, what remains of it? It's a domed structure of glass and iron that's about thirty feet across. Its upper panes are shattered by something massive forcing its way through. Uh the jagged remains glitter like broken crystal in the sunlight. The single door entrance hangs ajar, swaying faintly in the breeze. In the mud just outside of the threshold, six armored corpses lie torn apart, black flowers blooming from their chests.

SPEAKER_10 1:32:27

Do the black flowers have any significance to us? Like, are we familiar with it? Have we seen this before?

SPEAKER_07 1:32:34

Um. You can give me a medicine or an investigation check if you would like. The investigation check will require you to go up to the flowers, though.

SPEAKER_10 1:32:45

Uh, while I know that I'm better at medicine. I feel like Eldvar would go up and poke the flower, and so I'll give you investigation. Alright. Anybody else?

SPEAKER_09 1:32:55

Zane has no frame of reference for this.

SPEAKER_10 1:32:58

Okay. Uh, that will be a three minus one for a total of two on investigation.

SPEAKER_07 1:33:03

Oh, a two. Yeah, so as you touch this flower, a a puff of of pollen bursts out of the top of the flower, and uh you you breathe it in, and you can immediately feel a burning as it goes down your up up your nose and down your throat, and you are going to take two points of necrotic damage.

SPEAKER_03 1:33:25

Oh no.

SPEAKER_07 1:33:27

And uh that burning never really goes away. You know, you can still feel it inside of you.

SPEAKER_10 1:33:35

Uh Elvar will tell the rest of the group It burns just a little. Just little.

SPEAKER_02 1:33:46

Novak's got a nine on his medicine check, and uh he's like, those don't normally come out there.

SPEAKER_00 1:33:58

Well playing.

SPEAKER_09 1:34:02

Zane is kind of scanning the area and and kind of smiles at Nelvax's comment.

SPEAKER_07 1:34:11

Uh so just for my own interests and on figuring out Nelvax a little bit better, did Nelvax say that in all seriousness? That's what he believes, or was it like a sarcastic?

SPEAKER_02 1:34:22

I mean, that's the result. I don't think he did very good on his track, so like he's like wrong. That shouldn't be there.

SPEAKER_10 1:34:28

Okay. It's kind of like one of those you can't park there when you drive by somebody who's had a rack.

SPEAKER_07 1:34:34

Yeah, he's right, but alright.

SPEAKER_09 1:34:41

So nobody has any idea what this shit is.

SPEAKER_07 1:34:46

Other than bad. I mean, only two of you have tried to investigate it. But yes, I agree. Uh hold up, I gotta find something real quick.

SPEAKER_12 1:34:55

You said they were armored corpses, like they look like guards or um like was just kind of like mix matched adventurer armor.

SPEAKER_07 1:35:05

Yeah, so you you identify them. Yeah, all of you can see pretty clearly that these are armored bodies of the city guard. Okay. They've got the the crown symbol on their armor.

SPEAKER_09 1:35:19

But they don't have red cloaks.

SPEAKER_07 1:35:21

They do not have red cloaks. That's why they did. Do they have coin purses? They do. Actually, that's uh that's what I'm trying to find right now. One second. I've got it written down somewhere.

SPEAKER_00 1:35:33

I think you wrote it down over there in the party equipment.

SPEAKER_07 1:35:36

Oh, uh, you find Ray's dick. It weighs about 10 pounds. 20. 20. Oh, sorry. My bad.

SPEAKER_12 1:35:45

It's like almost as much as all of Harlac.

SPEAKER_07 1:35:52

Damn, Harlecks slinging.

SPEAKER_00 1:35:56

I mean, birds don't weigh a whole lot, they have hollow bones.

SPEAKER_10 1:36:00

You know what is a hollow bone.

SPEAKER_00 1:36:05

Yeah, it doesn't. When it says party inventory, do you think it's meaning the pants party?

SPEAKER_07 1:36:10

The pants party, the party in my pants. Alright. So, uh on the bodies, because you also investigate it, uh Eldvar, you find seven silver pieces, six gold pieces, and a bunch of common uh common gear, but you also find um uh something like kind of sticks out to you, and uh one of the the the sets of armor that the bodies are wearing, uh that the bodies are wearing, that the corpses have on it, um, is is kind of shining, and it appears that it it appears a little darker than the other armor, than the other sets of armor around it, like it's kind of sucking the light in. It's uh the broad plates that are etched on it have uh runic fract fractal patterns that kind of shift and shimmer, uh like it's it's it's fighting the light. And there's a a you can you can feel a warmth coming from it as you approach it.

SPEAKER_10 1:37:18

Uh so it's like sucking all the light in? Yes. Uh so Eldvar will turn to Nelvax and they'll go, Hey uh, Shadow, I think this is you. This armor is sucking the light in. Do you know anything about that?

SPEAKER_02 1:37:33

Yeah, we gotta ask Rizio about that.

SPEAKER_07 1:37:36

Research out at the front. He did not come in with you.

SPEAKER_02 1:37:38

I know, Nelvax is still salty about the shadow comet.

SPEAKER_10 1:37:41

Uh so so if you respond like that, Eldar will grab the corpse by the like the back of the neck, the back of the armor, and just start walking out towards the gate looking for Reseo.

SPEAKER_02 1:37:56

Oh my god. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. We don't we don't we don't want to make a big fuss. Let me I could I could take a look. Let me see.

SPEAKER_11 1:38:04

Remember, Elvar, you're supposed to be a lady.

SPEAKER_10 1:38:08

Elvar took the dress off at the apartment. Oh, okay, okay, okay. He's back to his normal self.

SPEAKER_02 1:38:16

Yeah, so I guess I'll take a closer look. Uh I don't really want to touch this thing. Me personally, I'm freaked out about the idea of plants growing through human bodies. I don't want any part of that myself.

unknown 1:38:27

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 1:38:30

Uh I'll produce a dagger and kind of poke at it. Get a better look. Maybe I'm investigating, maybe I'm I don't know.

SPEAKER_07 1:38:38

Um yeah, every time the the dagger pokes at the the the armor, um you can hear a slight ding. Like it's a it's a very audible ding, and then it gets darker where the armor is poked until you remove the dagger, and then it uh lights back up slightly.

SPEAKER_02 1:38:57

Uh yeah, I I've never seen this before. It might be worth something if you want to take it. It looks a little heavy for me, but you you know, you're a pretty strong boy if you want to carry it around.

SPEAKER_10 1:39:08

Alright, I I I can carry it around, and then Elvar will just like fireman carry the corpse with him.

SPEAKER_07 1:39:14

So you're carrying the entire corpse?

SPEAKER_10 1:39:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:39:17

It's like a red plant all over your back.

SPEAKER_10 1:39:21

It it doesn't it doesn't seem like a a good time to spend 10 minutes to take the armor off of this body. Okay. I'm assuming it's heavy armor, like plate or something. It is heavy armor. So I I'll just carry the corpse around while we're inside this monster zoo. Okay. And maybe it becomes a handy item to have if something tries to eat us. Maybe it's something that should go in the bag of holding. I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 1:39:47

Okay.

SPEAKER_10 1:39:48

Sounds good.

SPEAKER_07 1:39:54

Alright. So.

SPEAKER_09 1:39:56

So did Harlick just offer him to put it in the bag of holding? Is that what you just said, Ray?

SPEAKER_12 1:40:02

Yeah, I mean, yeah, if everyone if this is something that could be useful, I mean.

SPEAKER_00 1:40:06

You can put bodies in a bag of holding. We confirmed this one already.

SPEAKER_12 1:40:10

Yes, you can.

SPEAKER_00 1:40:11

Two of them.

SPEAKER_12 1:40:11

You can afford them. Oh, is it the whole body that's glowing, or is it just the armor and stuff?

SPEAKER_07 1:40:17

It's just the armor that's glowing. Okay, but we don't want to. Gotcha, gotcha.

SPEAKER_09 1:40:23

I mean, I can figure out what the Zane says he can find out what the armor is if you want. Or we can just wait till later.

SPEAKER_10 1:40:32

I mean, it's I mean it it seems really nice, so we'll just bring it with us and then, you know, we'll see where the path leads us. I mean, the path leading to the right leads to the right.

SPEAKER_09 1:40:44

I'm just trying to figure out if if anybody would use it if it was really good. Right now. And if it's just something we want to know what it is later, then then he can figure it out later. But right now I can cat I can use identify and tell you exactly what it is. Show up.

SPEAKER_12 1:41:05

No, I'm really surprised I don't have identify, honestly.

SPEAKER_09 1:41:08

But I can only do I can do it once for free.

SPEAKER_00 1:41:12

So boss will kind of like move around in his armor and and realize it's like super clunky and say, eh, this this this is serving me pretty dang good right now. I like my armor. I don't know if we need to know what that stuff is. As he like tries to jump, but he only hops like a very short amount because he's not strong enough for his armor. It's cumbersome.

SPEAKER_09 1:41:35

What kind of armor are you in?

SPEAKER_00 1:41:37

I have adamant adamantite and adamantite plate, but I don't have the strength for it, so I have a I'm slow by it.

SPEAKER_09 1:41:48

Adamantine. If you're off by one, yeah. Alright, so and this is plate, so realistically, the only person that could use it would be Boss or Elvar. Eldvar.

SPEAKER_00 1:42:00

Boss or Eldvar, yeah. But he has Mithril Plate.

SPEAKER_09 1:42:04

Oh, so okay, yeah, I would say wait till later.

SPEAKER_10 1:42:09

Sounds good to me. I think so. Sorry. Did this one have the flower that I had already touched, or did I get hit again?

SPEAKER_07 1:42:17

Uh this one did not have any flowers growing out of it.

SPEAKER_02 1:42:21

Oh, that's lucky.

SPEAKER_07 1:42:23

Uh are you all going into the greenhouse?

SPEAKER_02 1:42:26

Where the path leads, yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:42:27

Alright, so yeah, the the air inside the greenhouse is is extremely humid. Like it it's almost choking you. And it's got a heavy stench of rot, but also mixed with uh an overpowering floral smell. Uh the pasts that once wound neatly around this this garden are gone and they're swallowed by all these vines and rampant growth, and thick vines coil like snakes across the ground. Um thorny brambles are pretty much everywhere, uh sprouting out, and you can see strange mushrooms sprouting in pat uh sprouting in patches that pul that are pulsing faintly with the light. Um as you step into the greenhouse, you can hear uh the sounds the sound of vines shifting in the underbrush, and you hear that same groan and and chain rattling that you heard from the from the entrance. So sorry guys, I'm gonna need a second to set this up.

SPEAKER_00 1:43:31

Bam. Pugent pulsating pompous veins plummet putrid.

SPEAKER_10 1:43:39

Yeah, just these big throbbing veins of vine.

SPEAKER_02 1:43:45

That's gotta be P words. I love a nice vineyard mushroom.

SPEAKER_10 1:43:51

Especially if they're throbbing. Rob pulsating. This is when we find out that even though we said we were gonna do the architect, he still didn't prep the architect.

SPEAKER_07 1:44:01

Oh no.

SPEAKER_10 1:44:02

I was ready.

unknown 1:44:03

Okay.

SPEAKER_07 1:44:04

Ready for everything except for this, because I didn't think you guys would get the combat today. Wait, so we're ahead of we're ahead of switching.

SPEAKER_00 1:44:11

We were too slow and too fast at the same time?

SPEAKER_07 1:44:13

Yeah. Skipped over some things. Alright. Good job.

SPEAKER_02 1:44:19

Was there more stuff in that closet?

SPEAKER_11 1:44:22

Oh man, I'm doing it. What did we do? You guys should go back.

SPEAKER_10 1:44:26

You guys should go back.

SPEAKER_03 1:44:27

Don't tempt us.

SPEAKER_10 1:44:29

Okay. I mean, I Eldvar will turn back around and look for that tro stand that he hasn't found yet. That was to the left. You guys went to the right. Fuck. Alright. Hey, I'm I'm gonna I'm gonna go for the gift store on the way out. Okay.

SPEAKER_07 1:44:47

Alright. So ahead of you, as you step into this greenhouse, uh, you hear a large movement or something moving under the vines, and this large uh it looks like a a plant-covered beast steps out, and it's covered in vines, it's got a large maw on it, and two large eyes staring at you. Um do any of you Okay, yeah. Um, but it it it's as it steps towards you, it reaches a a large arm, it's its right arm raises, and a vine starts snaking out from it towards you. Need everybody to roll me some initiative and join the map. Two shambling mounds are stepping out at you. Uh as as these mounds start moving out of the vines and shifting, uh, you see some more of those same spores pop up that hit Eldvar. And so there is there are a few circles of uh necrotic poison around the map as well.

SPEAKER_09 1:46:00

Which are all sorry, can you say that last thing again?

SPEAKER_07 1:46:03

Yeah, there are uh some spores are are disturbed by the shambling mounds moving around, and so there are a few circles of necrotic uh uh it some some necrotic circles around the map as well. That if you step in them, they will hurt you.

SPEAKER_02 1:46:23

My initiative is a natural one for a four. Nice.

SPEAKER_09 1:46:29

Zane got a nine. Nine?

SPEAKER_00 1:46:32

I rolled an eighteen for a total of seventeen.

SPEAKER_10 1:46:39

I got a twenty.

unknown 1:46:41

Okay.

SPEAKER_10 1:46:41

Eldvar got an uh eighteen for Eldar, one eight.

SPEAKER_07 1:46:45

Uh alright. So, starting at the top, it is Arlac.

SPEAKER_10 1:46:50

Uh and we we Bill, did you want to swap with anybody with your initiative swapping thing?

SPEAKER_09 1:46:55

Nope. Okay.

SPEAKER_12 1:46:56

No, I don't know what I have to do, so uh, that's not gonna work. They're too far apart from each other. Those bastards. It's like it was planned. Uh well then I'm gonna try to bane them then. Okay, can you describe that for me? Yes. Uh up to three creatures of my choice that I can see within range much must make a charisma saving throw. Uh, and then if they fail, uh they must make a subtract a d4 off of all attacks or saving throws. So Harleck, you know, pulls out his little uh in you know, instrument of the bars, he starts playing like your soul bane, and then pops it off. Okay.

SPEAKER_07 1:47:41

So charisma save of 14. A charisma save? Yeah, shambling mounds are very good at charisma. Okay, legit, he rolled a 17 minus 3, which is 14.

SPEAKER_10 1:47:56

Shouldn't your save be 15 though?

SPEAKER_12 1:47:59

Oh, wait, is it?

SPEAKER_10 1:48:00

Yeah, you leveled up.

SPEAKER_12 1:48:02

It is 15. So charisma save of 15.

SPEAKER_07 1:48:05

So that's for shambling mound B or both of them?

SPEAKER_12 1:48:09

Uh it would be for both of them.

SPEAKER_07 1:48:11

Oh, I need to roll for the second one then. Uh yeah, he felled as well. So what does that do?

SPEAKER_12 1:48:15

Uh D4 off of all attacks and saving throws for the next uh one minute.

SPEAKER_07 1:48:22

Okay. And that's not a concentration, right? That's just happens no matter what.

SPEAKER_12 1:48:27

Uh no, it's concentration for me, so I gotta maintain concentration. Alright. And then I will inspire uh uh Nelvax. Noise. And then that'll uh Go ahead. Sorry.

SPEAKER_11 1:48:46

No, I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_12 1:48:47

But yeah, beyond that, I'll just move a little bit and then that'll be my turn.

SPEAKER_07 1:48:51

Where are you moving to?

SPEAKER_12 1:48:52

Just right up ahead so I can get a little bit better view of where the clouds and the monsters are. I'm barely moving at all.

SPEAKER_07 1:48:59

Okay, understood. Alright. Eldvar, that uh that same burning is is still hitting you, and I need you to roll me a constitution saving throw. Oh, I'm usually good at those. Oh, did you have a question, Nelvex?

SPEAKER_02 1:49:14

I did. Can you just describe the shambling mounts for us a little bit?

SPEAKER_07 1:49:18

Like size and Yeah, I can do that. Uh let me pull up the picture. Uh while you're pulling that out, it does a 22 save. It does. So you are only gonna take There it is. Three points of necrotic damage. I don't even know that I noticed. Okay. Uh so uh yeah, so uh the Shambling Mound as they come out, they look like um it's a it's a towering heap of rotting vegetation straight out of the DMs manual. Uh towering heat of rot uh heap of rotting vegetation. It's got tangled vines, moss, and wet logs that knit together into a rough humanoid shape. Uh it glows faintly with a swamp. Bioluminescence and its body constantly shifts. What looks like a torso might suddenly become a mass of vines reaching to ensnare prey. Um, it drips mud and smells of stagnant water. Legend says they're born when lightning strikes a swamp, animating plant matter with a spark of primal energy. Others whisper their nature's revenge made flesh, consuming those who despoil wetlands. Nice. Alright. Eldar, what would you like to do?

SPEAKER_10 1:50:27

Alright, uh, so Eldvar is going to um look ahead of him. Uh so he sees on the left, there's Shambling Mound A, about 30 feet from him. Uh he's gonna run 35 and move up to kind of the 9 o'clock position of Shamley Mound A. Alright. Uh, that is the wrong tool to do that though. Uh, and so as he's running up, he's going to um with his left hand kind of draw out a symbol, and he is going to draw the rune of the marked and cast Hunter's Mark on Shamley Mound A. And then draw his great sword with his right hand, grasping it with both, he is going to attack twice on Shamley Mount A. And so uh on the first one, that's a 15 to hit. Okay, one does hit. That does hit. Okay. Alright, that was 13 points of slashing damage plus an additional uh one point of force damage from the hunter's mark. And then on the second attack, uh, that is a 12 to hit.

SPEAKER_03 1:51:36

Okay.

SPEAKER_10 1:51:37

Does it hit? Uh 12 does not hit. Okay, so that will only be three points of slashing damage as uh Eldvar grazes it with his greatsword. Or sorry, sorry, four points of slashing damage as uh graze it with my great sword.

SPEAKER_03 1:51:52

Okay.

SPEAKER_10 1:51:54

Uh and that's my action bonus action of movement.

SPEAKER_07 1:51:57

Nice. Alright. Uh Voss, you are up. You just saw your friend charge straight towards a shambling mound and slash at him.

SPEAKER_00 1:52:06

Give me a shambling mound that's like, I don't know, 50 feet away.

SPEAKER_07 1:52:10

Yeah, you can get there in two rounds, right?

SPEAKER_00 1:52:12

I've got uh I've got 20 feet of movement. Alright. I think I got I gotta plan here. This is this this might be worth it. Uh question, is a shambling mound tall enough that you can see in between his legs?

SPEAKER_07 1:52:24

Uh yes, it is a large creature.

SPEAKER_00 1:52:27

It is a large creature. So Voss is gonna move up 20 feet, and he's gonna kind of pause for a second to catch his breath, because moving in this armor is taxing on him. And then as a bonus action, I am going to cast Invoke Duplicity, which allows me to create a copy of myself within 30 feet of where I am, and I'm gonna go on the other side of Shambling Mound A. And then as part of that casting, I'm gonna swap places with that clone of myself.

SPEAKER_07 1:53:05

That is awesome. Pretty badass. I'm just going to rename this one as clone.

SPEAKER_00 1:53:14

Yep, there you go. So I am on the other side of Shambling Mount A right now, opposite of Eldvar, and we're to the north of the party from the map. And I'm gonna uh cling at it with my uh mace.

SPEAKER_07 1:53:31

Alright, give me an attack roll.

SPEAKER_00 1:53:34

Tack roll 22. It does hit. Hits for a grand total of five.

SPEAKER_07 1:53:45

I like I just imagine this this trained cleric running full boar at the shambling mound, not being able to reach him, wanting to reach his friend and help him as best he can, casting a clone and then transferring the place with him and just like womping on a hit. Just like eh.

SPEAKER_00 1:54:05

I mean, my mace only does I mean, I'm designed to take hits, not really deal damage. My mace only does a total of max eight damage. I did five, so it could have been worse.

SPEAKER_10 1:54:19

And and this is how Voss and Eldvar have operated for like years.

SPEAKER_07 1:54:26

How the f are you two alive?

SPEAKER_00 1:54:28

You'll see. We can take a hit.

SPEAKER_10 1:54:32

It's because when you hit us for three damage, it's like uh, whatever. Alright.

SPEAKER_00 1:54:39

Uh and that'll be it uh for my turn.

SPEAKER_09 1:54:42

Alright, Zayn, you are up. Alright, so um Zayn will close half the distance to approximately there, and as he's going, he's using his bonus action to summon his uh pack blade. Okay. So you see his pack blade um as he's walking toward you see his arm kinda go off to the side, and you see his pack blade emerge out of his hand and drop hilt into the hand, and as he walks forward, he will point it directly at the shambling mound that the two guys are already attacking and launch two um elders blasts at it.

SPEAKER_07 1:55:25

Okay. Me some attack rolls.

SPEAKER_09 1:55:28

Um eighteen. That hits. What about the second one? And twenty four. They both hit. Alright. So that'd be a eight damage and four damage. So twelve damage total.

SPEAKER_07 1:55:45

Okay.

SPEAKER_09 1:55:47

And go ahead.

SPEAKER_07 1:55:49

Yeah, your elders blasts as it hits him, bits of vine and plant and leaves blast off of this creature. Uh, and it looks angrier and angrier, but it's staring directly at Eldvar. Okay.

SPEAKER_09 1:56:02

That's that's all I got.

SPEAKER_07 1:56:04

Okay. So this large shambling mound is going to take a double swipe at you, Eldvar. It raises both of its hands up high, and it brings them down. And it's a one minus one minus d4.

SPEAKER_10 1:56:22

Yep.

SPEAKER_07 1:56:23

Okay. You want to roll minus one d4 for one or both of them? Uh sure. I can roll.

SPEAKER_12 1:56:31

Do you want me to roll or do you want to you guys want to roll it as you roll? No, you roll it.

SPEAKER_11 1:56:35

Alright, major. Sounds good.

SPEAKER_10 1:56:38

Just roll one and we'll apply it to both. Brandon, the way you're shaking your right arm there, very suggestive.

SPEAKER_12 1:56:45

Oh my! Uh-huh. Oh, very cool.

SPEAKER_09 1:56:50

What did you roll, right? For our for our listeners, random is shouldn't this penis.

SPEAKER_07 1:56:56

And the Nat 20 that's sitting on top of my penis. It it's 20 centimeters long.

SPEAKER_10 1:57:01

That's a win. Naturally. I have a very small wife. Dude, 20 centimeters is like eight inches. Is it? Yes. Learn to metric.

SPEAKER_12 1:57:14

Gross. This is America. We have freedom units here, boy.

SPEAKER_00 1:57:19

No, no, no, no, no. Merica. Not America.

SPEAKER_07 1:57:22

Merica. They all get minus. All the best drugs are purchased in metric. Alright. Uh they so the first slam hits and the second slam misses. Um, but with that first slam, uh, he he only missed the second slam because his right arm in grabs you, Eldar, and pulls you into him. Roll me a strength saving throw.

SPEAKER_09 1:57:50

He wants you inside him.

SPEAKER_10 1:57:52

He does. Uh, I'm traditionally good at strength saving throws. They'll be a 19 to save.

SPEAKER_07 1:57:58

Okay, that does save. So as you're spit out, you are going to take. Or as you uh wrestle free from his grass, you're going to take. There's the dice.

SPEAKER_10 1:58:12

17 points of bludgeoning damage. Uh for the first time today, Eldvar recognizes that he is taking some damage. Should have hit you with a bigger hammer.

SPEAKER_00 1:58:23

17, that's a lot. That was the eighth, too.

SPEAKER_10 1:58:27

Yeah, that's like a quarter of my hit points, but that was a crit.

SPEAKER_07 1:58:32

17 on a crit. The second shambling mound walks over to this clone. What does attacking the clone do, Maddie?

SPEAKER_00 1:58:39

Not nothing.

SPEAKER_07 1:58:40

Does it disappear if it's attacked?

SPEAKER_00 1:58:42

No, no, it can't take- I just looked that up. Uh it's incorporeal, so it's a perfect illusion, cannot take damage, cannot be destroyed, cannot be harmed or destroyed by physical attacks. Although it appear it appears to be hit and appear to take damage.

SPEAKER_10 1:58:58

Yeah, it is it is a broken ability.

SPEAKER_00 1:59:01

Through some spells like mirror image, spells work differently.

SPEAKER_12 1:59:04

Yeah, I think you gotta use like the spell magic.

SPEAKER_00 1:59:07

It sounds like it can beat on this clone, and it seems it feels like it's doing damage, we just keep attacking it, but it will be it can beat on it all day long.

SPEAKER_07 1:59:17

Okay. Yeah, so it's gonna take uh a double hit and it's gonna engulf your clone and pull it inside of it. Actually, it can't do that because it can't it can appear to take damage. Yeah, so it tries to pull it inside and can't.

SPEAKER_00 1:59:30

How smart are these things? I want you inside me.

SPEAKER_07 1:59:37

Nelvex, you're up.

SPEAKER_02 1:59:39

Me?

SPEAKER_07 1:59:40

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 1:59:41

I was gonna ask about how well lit this area is.

SPEAKER_07 1:59:44

It is very well lit.

SPEAKER_02 1:59:45

Wallet, so it's really not any shadow. Um there are a few trees around.

SPEAKER_07 1:59:52

Uh there's some shadows under the trees.

SPEAKER_02 1:59:55

But not like darkness. That's just shadowy. No, just shadows. That's fine. So are these guys big enough that I could like slide between their legs to get through them, or would I have to go around them?

SPEAKER_07 2:00:06

Uh if you want to slide between their legs, I would make you roll for it.

SPEAKER_02 2:00:10

Something or other? Acrobatics?

SPEAKER_07 2:00:12

Yep. Probably acrobatics.

SPEAKER_02 2:00:14

Okay. That sounds good. It would be eye roll.

SPEAKER_07 2:00:15

It'd be like 12 or 14 for a roll, but.

SPEAKER_02 2:00:19

20 feet for me to get to the front end of this guy. So I'm gonna try to run and slide through and punch him in his uh little vine testicles as I slide under him. Like a little punch him up, come up on the other side of him, and then like lash out a couple more times with my kicks.

SPEAKER_07 2:00:38

Okay. So you are sliding underneath of him.

SPEAKER_02 2:00:40

Oh yeah, definitely.

SPEAKER_07 2:00:42

Alright, give me an acrobatics roll. It's gonna be a DC of twelve.

SPEAKER_02 2:00:45

Ah, that's an eight. But I do have Bardic Inspiration, so I'm gonna add a D6, yep. Okay. Because I don't actually want Alright, that's a one, so I got a nine total.

SPEAKER_07 2:00:55

Okay. Uh so you try to slide under him and you slam into his leg. Um and it's yeah, you stop right in front of him.

SPEAKER_02 2:01:05

He's got big balls, they're hard to get under.

SPEAKER_07 2:01:07

Yeah, it's huge viny balls.

SPEAKER_02 2:01:09

Okay, I'm gonna headbutt them as my first attack.

SPEAKER_07 2:01:12

Thank you for laughing at that. You're gonna headbutt the balls? Alright.

SPEAKER_02 2:01:17

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_07 2:01:18

Give me an un there. Give me an unhead attack?

SPEAKER_02 2:01:21

Unstrike. Uh so first attack. Okay, that's a 20 to hit.

SPEAKER_07 2:01:27

Yeah, it does hit.

SPEAKER_02 2:01:29

And I feel like this is the right time to use stunning strike when you headbutt something in the balls. Sure.

SPEAKER_07 2:01:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:01:35

Uh so I'll use a focus point to you do a stunning strike.

SPEAKER_07 2:01:39

I'll say this. This is actually something they're good at. So he rolled a 12. And that is con plus three, so that's 15 minus 2. So that is 13. It beats. That's a bummer.

SPEAKER_02 2:01:54

Okay. No problemo. Uh so I'll take my second attack, uh, also unarmed. This time I'm just gonna just be on like an ice uppercut to that that same ball. Alright. That same ball just uh I guess that's a nine to hit.

SPEAKER_07 2:02:10

That does not hit.

unknown 2:02:11

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 2:02:12

I didn't roll damage for the first one either. Oops. No, you did not. No, yeah. First one that did hit is going to be uh eight damage. Okay. And then I will, as a bonus action, expend one more key point for a flurry of blow.

SPEAKER_07 2:02:25

Isn't stunning strike a bonus action already?

SPEAKER_02 2:02:30

Stunning strike is not a bonus action. Is it an action? Once per turn, when you hit with a monk weapon or omnam strike, you can expand a focus point to attempt a stunning strike. Oh. It's just something that happens with my punch.

SPEAKER_05 2:02:42

Oh.

SPEAKER_02 2:02:43

So I'll do flurria blows, which will be more attack rolls. First one's uh 15 to hit. That does hit. The second one is it 11 to hit. That does not hit. So the one that does hit will six more damage. Okay. Just like speed bag in his ball. Oh my god. Really trying to make sure he's not having a good time.

SPEAKER_04 2:03:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:03:07

Okay. And Harlec, back up top with you.

SPEAKER_12 2:03:12

Uh, alright. Uh these things just look crazy. Uh, I'm going to try to viciously mock uh Shaming Mound A. Uh to try to give some disadvantage on the swinging monster paws this thing's got, or wild mine arms. Okay. Uh so you know Harleck just points at it and is like, oh, you got the finesse of a troll in tap shoes.

SPEAKER_07 2:03:40

Uh, and it's a wisdom save uh 15. Wisdom, yeah. Shambling mounds are known for their wisdom as well. Yeah, boy. Uh so that was actually they rolled a 17. Roll me a uh d4.

SPEAKER_11 2:03:53

Oh, that's right.

SPEAKER_07 2:03:55

Yeah, 50-50 shot of making them kill. So he passed.

SPEAKER_12 2:04:04

Alright, that's not happens, it's a cantrip. Okay. Uh, and then uh yeah, I think I'm just gonna Yeah, I guess move over towards the back here a little bit. And then that's yeah, that'll be my turn. Okay.

SPEAKER_07 2:04:19

Eldvar.

SPEAKER_10 2:04:21

Uh the shambling moun has just tried to eat you. Alright, so I rolled my concentration uh check and I passed it with a 16 versus a 10 for maintaining concentration on uh whatever it's called. Uh high work. I also need you to roll me a con save. Okay, one more con save. I'm good at those. That is a nat 20 for a 25 to save. Nat 20 for a 25.

SPEAKER_07 2:04:45

So that means you only take three points of necrotic damage.

SPEAKER_09 2:04:51

Okay. Um natural twenties.

SPEAKER_07 2:04:56

Yeah, I don't I don't I don't like this one. This this title's gonna be The Rolls of the Twenties.

SPEAKER_08 2:05:03

The Roarin Twenties. The Roarin twenties.

SPEAKER_10 2:05:06

Yeah, nice. So require another con save. No, that's a wisdom save on that dad joke. No, I mean for the Oh, because I took damage. Uh it's a 16 to save on the three point the damage or whatever it was.

SPEAKER_03 2:05:23

Okay.

SPEAKER_10 2:05:24

Alright, uh, so Elvar is gonna continue working on this tokery. Uh he wants to shape into like two um giant testicles and a mushroom going out the top. Sure. And so uh first attack is going to be a 23 to hit. That does hit. Alright, 13 slashing damage plus an additional three points of force damage. Okay. And then the second attack is a 22 to hit. That does it. Alright, that will be 14 points of slashing damage and uh four points of force damage. Okay. But did you not know that fighters can do a shit ton of damage against a single target? Oh no, I did, yes. Yes, absolutely. Okay.

SPEAKER_07 2:06:14

It's like what they're known for.

SPEAKER_10 2:06:16

And then um I mean it's a plant, so I'm gonna burn it a little bit, and so I'm gonna use my uh Goliath racial to do an extra d10 of damage on the second hit. And so that's um six points of fire damage that's gonna go into that second one as well.

SPEAKER_07 2:06:34

Okay. Uh as the the fire starts burning the outside of the leaves, you can see that the uh the fire doesn't last as long as you think it should.

SPEAKER_10 2:06:43

Oh, interesting. Um and then because I haven't used my bonus action for shits, uh, I'm just gonna go ahead and get large. And so I'm gonna activate my large form. And for the next 10 minutes, I'm a large creature instead of a medium creature, and so I'm you know, the rest of the party just watches. You think that Eldbar's getting closer to you, but in reality he is just growing, and he reaches uh a height of like 10 or 11 feet tall, and now looks like he has a good six or seven hundred pounds of just muscle.

SPEAKER_07 2:07:17

Okay.

SPEAKER_10 2:07:18

That's a bit of a Goliath.

SPEAKER_09 2:07:20

He's a big boy. Sounds gross, no bones or skin or anything.

SPEAKER_10 2:07:25

Just pure of muscle. A pile of throbbing veiny muscle. Yeah. Viny muscle. You know what else has veins, muscle, and no bones, right? Ray's dick in the party.

SPEAKER_03 2:07:40

A heart?

SPEAKER_07 2:07:42

A heart? Uh maybe that too. I'm not too smart. Uh Voss, you're up.

SPEAKER_00 2:07:49

Alright. Uh so seeing Eldvar like grow larger, he remembers that the shield he's held holding helped the king like grow larger. So he looks down and like shakes the shield a little bit to see if anything happens. Trying to make himself grow. Give me an arcana roll. Does anything happen? Uh Arcana roll. Uh I'm gonna go ahead and use my heroic inspiration on that natural one.

SPEAKER_07 2:08:18

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 2:08:19

For a natural 20. No.

SPEAKER_07 2:08:21

Uh, I got an eight. An eight. Uh yeah, as you're shaking it, some it looks like it it glows for a second, some glitter falls out of it, but nothing happens. Okay, nothing happens.

SPEAKER_00 2:08:33

Alright, so it's stripper shield. Some ones fall out of the bottom. Doesn't recognize it as actual currency. Uh, so he doesn't pick it up. Uh, so uh with the the rules for disengage, because we're on each side of him, like opportunity attack still and everything applies. If I if I try to move outside of range of him, he gets an opportunity attack on me. Is that correct? Yes, he does. Yep. Unless I use disengage. Okay. So I will use it. You have some feature that prevents it. Prevents it, yeah. I'll use disengage just to step back. Do I have to half my move speed to disengage?

SPEAKER_07 2:09:15

No, that's your action. Yeah, it's your action.

SPEAKER_00 2:09:18

Oh, disengage is an action. It's not a big one.

SPEAKER_07 2:09:20

Yeah, unless you're a rogue or have the feet for it.

SPEAKER_00 2:09:22

Oh. Okay. Then I'm just gonna hunt and move back. I'll I'll move back 10 feet.

SPEAKER_09 2:09:27

And take the hit?

SPEAKER_00 2:09:29

And take take, yeah.

SPEAKER_07 2:09:30

Okay. Take the hit. Yeah, so he he turns towards you and takes a slam at you. Uh yeah, he he misses. Because he rolled a 19. I know you're high already, right? You're a 21 or something like that.

SPEAKER_00 2:09:44

21, yeah.

SPEAKER_07 2:09:45

Yeah. And with the minus four, it doesn't matter.

SPEAKER_00 2:09:48

So it takes a yeah, he he steps back to take a swing, and uh in response, he'll actually cast uh guiding bolt. Okay. At the first level. Wait a second. What happened there? Oh, uh, that was a 10 to hit. That does not hit. That does not hit.

SPEAKER_06 2:10:14

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 2:10:15

So the damage doesn't actually uh happen. So um as a bonus action, I am going to move my clone around to the opposite side of the shambling mound B. Okay. And uh just that'll end my turn.

SPEAKER_07 2:10:35

Alright. Zane, you're up. You just saw one of your friends speed bag at Plants Nuts.

SPEAKER_12 2:10:45

Yeah, boy.

SPEAKER_07 2:10:48

A sentence I never thought I would ever say. Really? You're welcome.

SPEAKER_09 2:10:54

I don't know why you wouldn't think that. Um, so Zayn will close the distance between himself and shambling mound B and take his you know, as he's approaching, he will grab the bottom half of the hilt, and with an overhead swing, he will swing at the shambling mound with his long sword.

SPEAKER_07 2:11:18

Boom.

SPEAKER_09 2:11:19

No kaboo. Alright, give me Zagroll. Uh he rolled a 13, but before you say anything, he's gonna use the dark one's uh look thing. And got an additional seven, so 20 total to hit. That does it for uh 10 points of damage. Okay, second swing for a natural 20! Haha. That does it double damage.

SPEAKER_07 2:11:45

Double damage or double dice, I should say.

SPEAKER_09 2:11:49

It's actually actually it's triple dice. Wait, what?

SPEAKER_02 2:11:55

He's a half orc. Uh I think it's the racial.

SPEAKER_09 2:12:00

Any crit, get the an additional dice added in. An additional die. So that's an additional ten. Uh so a total of twenty-two more points. Okay. So I guess that would be actually I don't know. So 22 and whatever the first hit was.

SPEAKER_07 2:12:25

That would be 10, was it?

SPEAKER_09 2:12:27

I don't remember.

SPEAKER_07 2:12:29

14. No. So 22. 10, yeah. Yeah, 32 total.

SPEAKER_09 2:12:34

So 32 total.

SPEAKER_07 2:12:36

Okay.

SPEAKER_09 2:12:37

And that is my turn. Okay.

SPEAKER_07 2:12:41

Yeah, Shambling Mount A looks at you, Eldvar, and it's gonna take another big swipe at you. Oof my god. I'm on fire too.

SPEAKER_05 2:12:48

Another Nat 20!

SPEAKER_07 2:12:50

Can I Silvery Barbs that? What's that? Can I pocket sand silvery barbs that? Uh you you can I I mean, I don't think you need to ask permission. You can always silvery barbs, right?

SPEAKER_12 2:13:01

I just want to make sure, you know. Uh, yeah, so see seeing the the the swing for him, you know, Har like sort of reach into his pocket and just throw like magical glitter right at this thing. Try to distract it. Alright.

SPEAKER_07 2:13:15

Yeah, distract it. And he only rolled a 10 for instead. So second attack.

unknown 2:13:21

Oh.

SPEAKER_00 2:13:22

How does Silver Barbs work? What what just happened there?

SPEAKER_12 2:13:25

Uh you magically distract the triggering creature and turn its momentary uncertainty into an encouragement for another creature. The triggering creature must re-roll the d20 and use the lower roll. And you can then choose a different creature you see within range and give them advantage on their next attack roll ability check or saving throw. So I'll give that to uh well I guess Nelbex since he's going up uh I guess I think probably next it for me.

SPEAKER_07 2:13:52

Alright. Uh yeah, silver barbs, broken spell.

SPEAKER_12 2:13:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 2:13:57

Absolutely broken.

SPEAKER_12 2:13:58

Sometimes trap too, though. Because it also is like you you can burn all your spell slots in an encounter if you're if you're dumb with it. I think what I just heard though is that Ray doesn't think I can take another crit. So I'm just it's my job to support the party. That's the bard's role.

SPEAKER_07 2:14:19

Uh the second attack roll is a 19. So roll me the 1d4. Oh, sorry, go ahead, Andrew. Go ahead. So well if it yeah, go ahead and roll the 1d4 first.

SPEAKER_00 2:14:30

I thought the bard's roll was to sleep with the NPCs. I mean, not when it's Ray.

SPEAKER_12 2:14:35

No, I the I do the wholesome bard vibe, not the horny bard vibe. He's like the dad bar dad bar. Exactly. Ah, good job, sport. Hey, don't you?

SPEAKER_07 2:14:48

Roll that d4 for me, Ray.

SPEAKER_12 2:14:50

Yes, there you go. One sec.

SPEAKER_07 2:14:53

A three. Alright. That does not hit. Uh, so this other Shabling Mound is going to step away from you, Eldbar. So you get an opportunity attack if you want it.

SPEAKER_10 2:15:04

Uh, I will absolutely take that. So that will be a uh 14 to hit. That does not hit. Alright, I don't have anything to to make that better.

SPEAKER_07 2:15:16

And he's going to step towards Harleck.

SPEAKER_01 2:15:18

Oh no! Oh no.

SPEAKER_07 2:15:21

Uh shambling mound B is going to uh staring at Zane. He's going to take a double hit at him. Uh 16. Is it worth rolling the D4? Oh yeah, so the D4 is automatically 9. So both of those miss.

SPEAKER_09 2:15:42

Oh damn it. I was hoping to get hit. Really? Because I could finish him off. How? I'm not gonna tell you if you don't know.

SPEAKER_07 2:15:54

No, why would I know? I don't I don't study all your uh characters.

SPEAKER_09 2:15:58

Because I've used it. Um Hellus Rebuke.

SPEAKER_07 2:16:02

No, that would not finish him off. Nel Vex. You're up.

SPEAKER_02 2:16:08

Hey. Uh okay, so I'm thinking I'm just gonna keep going to town on this uh mealy plant ball in front of me. It's probably they're probably not balls, they're probably nuts, right? Uh yeah, they're big pine nuts.

SPEAKER_08 2:16:22

Big pine nuts.

SPEAKER_10 2:16:26

Can can I nominate him for some inspiration off that? Like no, good. No. I don't give inspiration off nut jokes.

SPEAKER_00 2:16:34

Only Alaskan pipeline jokes.

SPEAKER_07 2:16:37

That was pretty good though, you know? That was good.

SPEAKER_02 2:16:40

Yeah. Alright, so I'm gonna do uh like two more one-two punch on those nuts. Sure. Uh unarmed strikes. The first one being uh 19 to hit, and the second one a nine to hit.

SPEAKER_04 2:16:55

That is not it.

SPEAKER_02 2:16:56

Should have been at advantage because of uh the silver barbs. So 23, not a crit. That is that also hits. No, sorry, that was the first one was at advantage. I know. Uh so only one of those hits. Uh for 11 punch damage to the balls. Okay. Um and with that I will expand one more uh focus to try to actually no, I'm not gonna stun him, but I will use a focus key point, excuse me, to uh once again Faluria blows. And I'm gonna do like a standing black backflip and like kick him with both of my feet uh during this standing backflip maneuver.

SPEAKER_10 2:17:32

In the balls?

SPEAKER_02 2:17:33

Right in the balls. Okay, give me an attack. 17 to hit and 15 to hit.

SPEAKER_07 2:17:39

Ah, they both hit.

SPEAKER_02 2:17:41

Right. First one's uh six more damage, and then the second one is eleven more damage. 17, alright. If this guy doesn't have a stellar kick, I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 2:17:52

You do it pretty good for doing address.

SPEAKER_02 2:17:56

So I'm able to just like really flowily, you know, maneuver. Uh and I'm going to stay still. That's bonus action, action uh not gonna move, so get it.

SPEAKER_07 2:18:08

Alright, Harlach, standing in front of you is this large shambling mound. Uh it's standing in the necrotic spores that are spitting out around it, and it it's it's seeming to absorb them.

SPEAKER_12 2:18:20

Oh my god. Uh I am going to try to use uh Tasha's hideous laughter. Uh that's gonna drop Bane. How many rounds has it been since I cast Bane?

unknown 2:18:36

Two.

SPEAKER_03 2:18:36

We are starting round three.

SPEAKER_12 2:18:38

Yeah, this is the top of the round three. Alright. Okay, I'm always I'm always forgetful how many run how many rounds a minute is. Ten.

SPEAKER_07 2:18:47

Is it ten?

SPEAKER_12 2:18:48

Okay.

SPEAKER_07 2:18:48

Um six seconds per round.

SPEAKER_12 2:18:50

I'm going to try to mock it viciously and run away like a baby. Okay. Uh so it's a wisdom save of 15.

SPEAKER_11 2:19:02

Uh so uh I call you quick-witted, but it looks like you may have.

SPEAKER_07 2:19:08

Oh, damn, I read the big thing. Bro, I also got the nat 20 bug.

SPEAKER_04 2:19:11

Uh no.

SPEAKER_10 2:19:14

That is my fourth Nat 20 for the night. For the listeners, it was verified by the players. He really did do it.

SPEAKER_00 2:19:22

Uh, Harlex's gonna die. What we didn't see is he reached down there and turned it to a 20.

SPEAKER_07 2:19:29

I've got them all set aside.

SPEAKER_10 2:19:32

That's my part of inspiration. Brandon totally wants to kill the entire party and restart this campaign from the beginning.

SPEAKER_12 2:19:39

Yes. Alright, what's the damage? Uh, so you're running away? Oh, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's right. I thought the Nat 20 was to hit me. Oh my god. No, that was to save your wisdom throw. Oh, that's right. Alright. Yeah, I'm still gonna try to run for it though, because he's gonna take a swipe at you.

SPEAKER_07 2:19:56

Yeah. Does a 17 hit? I think it I think it definitely does. Alright, so you're gonna save. There it is. You're gonna take 12 points of bludgeoning damage. Oh fun. And I also need a uh con save for your spell.

SPEAKER_12 2:20:16

Mm-hmm. Oh, I have an advantage on that though. You do. And thank god I do. I got like an eight and a seventeen. Or a nine and a seventeen, so.

SPEAKER_07 2:20:29

Alright. Where are you moving to, Arlik?

SPEAKER_12 2:20:32

Uh I am going to move. Why don't we get the ruler up? Because it looks like there's some Oh, Eldavar is the giant troll thing. Correct. I thought that was something new and m vicious to kill us all again. I I mean I might kill us all.

SPEAKER_10 2:20:50

Well. But but it's not intentional.

SPEAKER_07 2:20:52

Yeah. Oh, also Harleck, I need you to make me a con save, I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_12 2:20:55

Oh, should you.

SPEAKER_02 2:20:57

That was a 17.

SPEAKER_07 2:20:58

I know, a different a separate con save.

SPEAKER_12 2:21:00

Oh my god. Uh is it for uh concentration on the spell again?

SPEAKER_07 2:21:05

No, it's it's for when he hits you. Not good. Alright. So uh Harleck, you you you feel that you feel a burning as his arm strikes against you, and you can see your you can see the feathers on your shoulder where it hit start to wither a little bit. And you're gonna take an additional, you don't have to make a con save on this, but you're gonna take an additional three points of necrotic damage.

SPEAKER_04 2:21:31

Uh no.

SPEAKER_07 2:21:33

Easy day. Easy day. Is it easy for the guy that has 39 hit points at full?

SPEAKER_02 2:21:40

He's got hollow bones.

SPEAKER_07 2:21:43

Alright. Eldvar, you are up. I need you to make it on safe.

SPEAKER_10 2:21:49

Uh yeah, we'll do a couple of them. So the first one's for whatever you're gonna do to me.

SPEAKER_07 2:21:53

Yep.

SPEAKER_10 2:21:54

That's a that's a 12.

SPEAKER_07 2:21:55

Hell yes!

SPEAKER_10 2:21:57

And the second one's gonna maintain concentration from this damage. That's a 20 total. 15 plus five.

SPEAKER_07 2:22:04

Okay. You're gonna take seven points of necrotic damage.

SPEAKER_10 2:22:07

Oh, I'm I'm shaking. Um guys, I'm looking a little bloodied. After 33 points of damage, which might also be Harlac's maximum, I'm not really quite sure. Alright, um, so this giant plant thing just tried to run away from me, and I'm going to chase it down. And uh that only takes like 15 feet of movement, and I'm going to slash at it with my giant, giant greatsword. Give me an attack. The first one is a 14 to hit. Does not hit. Alright, so that will be uh four points of slashing damage as I graze it with my attack. And the second one. Uh that's a Nat 1. And so feeling kind kind of pissed off that I just whiffed twice, that's another um four points of slashing damage, by the way. Tell me how you kill this creature after whiffing it for the second hit. So Eldvar with both hands on the on the hilt of this blade or the the handle of this blade brings it up over hand to chop down on it, and it moves out of the way, but it's just a little bit too slow. And as it does, uh Eldar cuts off just like the smallest leaf that you could ever imagine, right? Like, there's no way in hell that he actually hit this thing. Cuts off this leaf, uh, but as he does, just the entire life essence of this shamley mound pours out through the wound, and it um kind of pools up as you know, a bunch of vines and leaves at his feet. Perfect.

SPEAKER_06 2:23:57

Anything else you want to do?

SPEAKER_10 2:23:58

Yeah, um, I still have 15 feet of or actually 20 feet of movement, so I'm gonna move over to Shamley Mound B, and I'm going to action surge, and taking some inspiration from uh Melvax that's like speed bagging the balls, I'm gonna work on the head. Oh my god. So one thing balls, one on the head. Alright. Yeah. I I said what I said. Exactly. Alright. You know. Uh fuck. So the first one's not another actual one. That is not it. But that is still four points of slashing damage, as I just like I nick the tip.

SPEAKER_07 2:24:38

Alright, tell me how you kill. I'm just kidding, you don't kill the tip.

SPEAKER_10 2:24:44

That is so good. And the second attack is a 15 to hit. That does hit. Alright, that is 15 points of slashing damage.

SPEAKER_06 2:24:54

Okay.

SPEAKER_10 2:24:54

Um, and then as a bonus action, I'm going to uh just kind of like harden my resolve and use second win to heal some small amount of uh of life force back to me. So that is 14 points of healing that I get back through second win.

SPEAKER_07 2:25:15

Nice.

SPEAKER_10 2:25:16

That's my turn.

SPEAKER_07 2:25:17

Alright. Uh that brings us to you, Voss.

SPEAKER_00 2:25:22

Alright. So Voss is going to kind of look at his his his finger and wonder why it didn't work last time. He's gonna point it again and get old finger guns. And uh that will be casting uh guiding bolt again at the uh the remaining down for 13. That is not it. And uh yeah, he just kind of looks back at his finger and realizes that that his guiding bolt is just not working at all. Um so instead he will um he's going to move his clone back 10 feet, giving him the chance for an opportunity attack.

SPEAKER_07 2:26:12

Uh yeah, he's gonna take it.

SPEAKER_00 2:26:14

Alright.

SPEAKER_07 2:26:15

Uh yeah, he smashes into your clone heart.

SPEAKER_00 2:26:18

And nothing happens.

SPEAKER_08 2:26:20

And nothing happens.

SPEAKER_00 2:26:21

Uh and then I'm gonna swap places with the clone.

SPEAKER_07 2:26:24

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 2:26:25

Putting me closer and putting my clone over here by Harleck.

SPEAKER_08 2:26:28

Alright.

SPEAKER_00 2:26:29

And uh that's it for me.

SPEAKER_07 2:26:32

Okay.

SPEAKER_08 2:26:33

Zayn, you were up.

SPEAKER_09 2:26:35

Alright, so Zayn picked up uh nine temporary hit points when Shambling Mound A died, because he died within ten feet of him. Um so just so you know, I added that. And then he will take an overhand swing or two at the shambling mound B. He got an A, so most likely missed.

SPEAKER_07 2:26:56

That does not hit.

SPEAKER_09 2:26:57

And a 20. Oh natural. And uh that would be six points of damage for that.

SPEAKER_07 2:27:06

Okay.

SPEAKER_09 2:27:07

Okay. And uh no, that's it.

SPEAKER_07 2:27:11

Alright. Nelvex, this shambling mound towering over you after getting his balls hit for the last 12 seconds is pretty pissed off. Does a 16 hit? Is it worth rolling the d4?

SPEAKER_02 2:27:27

It would hit, but that means so yes, please roll the d4.

SPEAKER_07 2:27:31

Yeah, so it won't hit. And a 14, so a double miss.

SPEAKER_02 2:27:37

Yeah, I just like I I he goes a swing at me and I juke at his balls again, and he like flinches a little bit and he swings wide.

SPEAKER_08 2:27:46

Um, Nelvax, you're up.

SPEAKER_00 2:27:50

I think one ball is gone by now. It's been punched.

SPEAKER_07 2:27:53

One pie nut has exploded. Excellent.

SPEAKER_02 2:27:56

Uh for my next trick, I'm gonna give him the upward people's elbow, like straight into his uh his insides on that ball. We're just focusing his weak spot. You know, clearly it must be a weak spot.

SPEAKER_07 2:28:08

Okay. Uh give me attack roll.

SPEAKER_02 2:28:11

Uh one forceful uh elbow up, but you know, he's so big, and he's high up there. My elbow doesn't quite reach, so a nine misses. That's all miss. I think does hit though.

SPEAKER_07 2:28:24

That does hit.

SPEAKER_02 2:28:25

Uh slight one drives up pretty good. Uh still trying to get a feel for it. I only get five damage on that one.

SPEAKER_07 2:28:31

Tell me how your upward elbow strike to the balls kills this creature.

SPEAKER_02 2:28:36

Uh I do like a Mario move where I jump up into a brick, but it's like elbow point of my elbow first, and it just like ruptures that ball into its insides, and it lets loose the string unpleasantness, falls over dead. Wonderful. Like he kind of like fall actually, I think because of where I've positioned myself, he falls on like this big mass of gross mossiness that collapses right down on top of me, and I'm just like completely covered. My dress is ruined. Okay. It's stained green. There's no more white, it's like green and brown.

SPEAKER_07 2:29:12

It's a green sun dress. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 2:29:18

And now you're pregnant.

SPEAKER_07 2:29:19

And now you're pregnant. So we are out of combat.

SPEAKER_11 2:29:22

Um, Vex, you treated that thing like a pinball machine.

SPEAKER_02 2:29:29

Well, you know, I'm uh I'm a pinball wizard.

SPEAKER_11 2:29:34

I thought I was gonna die.

SPEAKER_02 2:29:37

It looked pretty scary. I wasn't watching too closely, but I did see him swing at you, and it it looked like it hits you pretty hard. Is your shoulder okay?

SPEAKER_11 2:29:46

Oh, I lost some feathers, but I don't think they will go back.

SPEAKER_02 2:29:50

Uh we'll get you cleaned up, you'll be okay. Yeah, if you could just at least get it off my face, that would be great. And like trying to swipe it away, but there's like all this goo all over my hands, so I'm just relaxed smearing it, smearing it every yeah, tons of slimy ball goo. Really would like to.

SPEAKER_11 2:30:11

Why does it smell like a Bradford pear?

SPEAKER_02 2:30:14

I I don't know if I would want to know or if I just want to accept this.

SPEAKER_12 2:30:19

Somebody's gonna understand that reference.

SPEAKER_07 2:30:23

Alright. So you guys are out of combat. Um is there anything you would like to do?

SPEAKER_09 2:30:29

Uh search the area?

SPEAKER_07 2:30:31

Okay.

SPEAKER_09 2:30:32

Loot the bodies.

SPEAKER_07 2:30:34

So, we're gonna loot the bodies, and then we're gonna start our next session with searching the area.

SPEAKER_10 2:30:40

Yeah, um before I forget, Eldvar will try and heal himself up a little bit more, use a second uh second wind. Did he just use that? I I've got three of them because they changed it in 2024. What? Yeah. So I get I get three pro long rests and I can recover one on a short rest. What the fuck? Yeah. That's insane. Yeah. Fighters are awesome. Okay. Although it looks like Harleck's casting spells too.

SPEAKER_12 2:31:15

Yeah, I use uh my magic uh siturn to heal myself a little bit.

SPEAKER_00 2:31:21

I'm gonna go ahead when everybody is close to each other, I'm gonna cast mass healing word. Alright, roll for it. I feel fine. Just a little dirty.

SPEAKER_09 2:31:31

Yeah, I I feel better than fine.

SPEAKER_07 2:31:33

Everybody gains seven hit points.

SPEAKER_02 2:31:35

Seven hit points. Can I convert those healing points?

SPEAKER_08 2:31:39

Uh yes, sure.

SPEAKER_00 2:31:41

Hell yeah.

SPEAKER_08 2:31:42

Your dress is pretty again.

SPEAKER_09 2:31:44

Uh I should probably start casting spells. Probably. Alright, it's over find us.

SPEAKER_07 2:31:51

So who is looting the bodies?

SPEAKER_09 2:31:52

Uh Z will have one day body.

SPEAKER_02 2:31:55

So I think like by just like picking stuff off of me out of fact. Oh yeah, that's that's fair.

SPEAKER_07 2:32:01

That's fair, Nelvex. Yeah. Um yeah, Nelvex, you find a uh a some wax leaves that are sealed around, and inside of that there's a gla a clay vial that is a potion of healing.

SPEAKER_10 2:32:18

I think uh Elvar is gonna go, while he's still big, just kind of tear through Shambler Mount A. Okay.

SPEAKER_07 2:32:30

Alright, so in inside Shambler Mount A, you find some uh some half dissolved half plate armor and uh 14 gold pieces.

SPEAKER_10 2:32:44

Uh Elvar will uh add that all to his bags. Including the half-dissolved half plate? I mean it's like quarter plate, right? I guess. The smithy is gonna need some raw materials. That's all I'm saying.

SPEAKER_07 2:33:01

Alright. Does anybody else want to do anything before we stop for the night? So we're gonna start our next session off with searching the area itself.

SPEAKER_12 2:33:10

Nah, I was gonna say searching the area is what I was planning to do. So if that's gonna be where we pick up at, then I am the goods for it.

SPEAKER_07 2:33:18

I am trying to be uh understanding that not everybody that lives on the East Coast stays up till 2 a.m. every day like I do, right? So I try to I'm trying to make sure our sessions end by 12 30.

SPEAKER_12 2:33:30

Uh you guys are good. Uh it's I'm working it all out, I'm getting better at it.

SPEAKER_00 2:33:37

Um real quick, uh Voss will kind of turn and look up at the enlarged version of Eldvar, and I'll say, hey, but the sun's getting uh real low.

SPEAKER_10 2:33:57

Eldvar will look at him and he'll look up at the sun.

SPEAKER_02 2:34:00

You're like no I don't understand what that means. Is there some dumb inside joke I don't know about? The whole the Hulk.

SPEAKER_10 2:34:15

The Hulk? Yeah, it's like the second Avengers team up.

SPEAKER_00 2:34:20

That's where they that's how they calm the Hulk down.

SPEAKER_09 2:34:23

Natasha.

SPEAKER_00 2:34:24

Okay.

SPEAKER_12 2:34:24

I just imagine like Voss just like like whipping his hair back trying to trying to calm him down.

SPEAKER_02 2:34:31

Like it's okay, big guy.

SPEAKER_12 2:34:40

Show some leg.

SPEAKER_07 2:34:42

Alright. So I want to say thank you to everybody for following us like and it's giving us ideas. It means a lot to us. Uh make sure you're checking us out on all our social media platforms, such as Facebook.com slash ad story, retweet us on Twitter or X at ad story2. Follow us on Instagram at Instagram.com slash ad story, and finally check us out on Blue Sky, BSKY.app at a D Story. If you like all the sound effects you've been hearing, make sure you check out Sirenscape at sirenscape.com for your in-person or online sessions. And uh last call out, I I highly recommend checking out Dungeon Draft for your map creations. That's what I use to make all my battle maps. And worldsmith.io because if you're a lazy procrastinating DM like I am, uh you need some random generated stuff every once in a while, and that's what I use. And finally, Justin, why don't you take us out tonight?

SPEAKER_02 2:35:35

It's been nuts.

SPEAKER_07 2:35:38

You had that one, you had that one ready to go. I was ready. It's been nerdy, though.

SPEAKER_10 2:35:47

It's been nerdy.

SPEAKER_07 2:35:49

Thanks, everyone.