Ways To Support Someone In Grief

What if the most powerful thing you can say to a grieving friend is nothing at all? In this episode, we discuss the quiet, practical ways to support someone facing loss—whether they’re in anticipatory grief before a death or navigating the raw weeks after. Instead of searching for perfect words, we focus on presence: sitting beside them in the hospital, dropping off meals in disposable containers, bringing paper plates and napkins to reduce chores, and offering to hold space so they can shower, nap, or simply breathe.

We also share how to make caring sustainable. Rather than a flood of attention in the first days and silence later, we set calendar reminders for the one-month mark, birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays that can reopen wounds. Simple messages that name the person who died or the change endured—without demanding a response—can feel like a lifeline.

Underneath it all is a bigger mission: making conversations about death, dying, loss, change, and grief normal in our communities. When we use clear language and listen without trying to fix, we build a culture where people can say, I’m struggling today and be met with care instead of silence. If you’ve ever wondered how to show up with compassion and confidence, this episode gives you the tools and heart to do it. 

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Chapters

• 1:22 Holding Space For Grief
• 2:13 When Words Don’t Matter
• 3:03 Simple Acts Of Presence
• 4:38 The Paper Plates Lesson
• 7:06 Thoughtful Check-Ins And Dates
• 7:59 Normalizing Talk About Death
• 9:02 Ongoing Support After The Loss
• 10:20 A Call To Be A Presence

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:41

Thank you for joining me today. Today's episode is going to be another one where we are going to hold space for grief and grieving. Today I'm specifically going to talk to those of you who want to support others. You want to support someone you know who's grieving. Whether they are in anticipatory grief and the death is coming or the loss is coming, the change is coming, or if they've already had that death or the change or the loss, and you want to support them. We're going to be talking about some things that we can do to be a support to those people, to be a presence in their life. And I want to remind you that words don't matter. The words that we try to find to say, it's so hard. We don't know what to say. Maybe we haven't had the experience that they're going through, but we want to be there for them. We really do. We want to be there for them. So I want you to know that the words don't matter. If you can't find the right words, it's okay. Just be with them. Sit with them if the situation makes that something that can be done. If they're at the hospital, maybe take them a meal. Or just go sit with them. Or just pop in for a minute, either in their home or they're in the hospital, if their loved ones are in the hospital, and just let them know that you're thinking of them. Ask them if you can go grab a sandwich for them. Just be there for them. Be a presence. It doesn't, it doesn't have to be anything fancy. It doesn't have to be anything big. You don't even have to have very many words. Be there for them. Love on them, support them. And if they're at the right moment, they may need to talk. Or maybe they just need to sit in your presence. Or maybe you can offer to sit with their loved one while they step out and get some fresh air. Or perhaps they go and they take a shower. Or whatever they need to do, if you would offer to do that for them. Or maybe you're running to the grocery store and you could call them up and say, Hey, is there anything you need? I'm going here, I'm going there. Can I pick up anything for you? Is there anything you're running short of? And I want to encourage you, if you want to take a mail to them, that you take paper plates as well. That was something that someone did for us when we were going through uh the situation where my son had a brain tumor and he had brain surgery. And there was this woman that brought us some food, and she brought toilet paper and I think paper towels or napkins. She brought paper plates, and I was just like, wow! Because who has time to run to the store if you run out of toilet paper? I mean, you would, but what a what a sweet gift. What a compassionate gift that they were thinking of our family. And they brought paper plates and napkins, so we wouldn't have to have dishes piling up because it's not a time that you're gonna do dishes. You're not gonna worry about your kitchen when your son is heading for brain surgery or he's in the hospital or he's back home recovering. There's too much wrapped up in all that, and it's the same way when someone goes through a loss, goes through a death, goes through a major change. They need our comfort, they need our compassion. So brainstorm, write it out, ideas of what you can do to help them, to be there, to show that you care, that you're thinking of them now. We've mentioned in the past in other episodes that you can do, you know, send a text, you can send a card, you know, things that don't require a response. But there are so many things that we can do to be a presence, to just show them that we care, that we're thinking of them. So that's what I want to encourage you today. Is there anyone you know who's grieving, who has a loved one that maybe's in their last days, is on their death journey? Is there anyone in your circle of life where they have an anniversary of a death coming up? Is there some important day coming up here in October or even November that you could start planning, making sure to mark your calendar, set an alarm on your phone that you reach out to this person? Maybe it's the anniversary of the death, maybe it's the loved one's birthday or an anniversary, or there's so many things, depending on the age of the person. I just encourage you to really take a moment and really think. And I commend all of you who are tuning into this podcast because you do want to learn and be encouraged more on supporting and helping those who are grieving. I'm on a mission to make societies comfortable, to make our communities, our schools, our workplaces, our families comfortable, all of us comfortable talking about death and dying, change, loss, grief. I want us to become so comfortable that it's natural, part of our conversations, and so it's a natural thing to reach out and say, I'm struggling today. Hey, tomorrow's the anniversary of my loved one's death. Can you send me a text? Just let me know you're thinking of me, or give me some kind of encouraging words to help me to get up and get out of bed and just take that step. We need to be comfortable with each other, with talking about death and dying and the death journey. We need to prepare, we need to understand it. It's hard, but if we are there with each other, if we can help another person not feel alone at the time of the loss, or two weeks later, or a month later, if you reach out and send a card to someone who lost someone a month ago, that'll be such a precious comfort to them to know that it's been 30 days, and hey, Johnny remembered he sent me a card. Sue left a message on my phone. They remembered that it's been 30 days since my loved one died. That is such a comfort, and so I encourage you, reach out to those who are grieving, that are in your circle of life, in your neighborhood, in your workplace. Think about who has had loss a month ago, two weeks ago, who's dealing with it currently, right now. Let's be a presence together. This is the caring death dealer, and I am here for you.