Every Grief is Valid and No One Can Set Your Timeline

Here in the first episode of our second year, we restate this as a safe space to come if you are grieving. We name losses that don’t fit tidy boxes and reject rigid rules about how grief should look. We affirm that grief is love we carry forward and that no one gets to set our  pace.

Join Frances, The Caring Death Doula as she discusses:

• naming grief beyond death, including pets, retirement and lost dreams or  identity
• rejecting timelines and social scripts for mourning
• giving yourself permission to rest, say no and choose rituals
• asking others to speak names and sit with silence
• understanding grief as love that changes form
• finding support that validates rather than polices

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Chapters

• 1:22 A Safe Place For Grief
• 1:46 Challenging Grief Expectations
• 2:53 Grief Beyond Death
• 3:57 Your Path, Your Pace
• 5:20 No Rulebook, No Deadline
• 6:57 You Are Not Alone

Transcript

SPEAKER_01: 0:41

Welcome. I'm Francis the Caring Death Dealer. Thank you for joining me today. I hope this becomes a safe place for you. A place that you can come and not feel so alone. May you feel seen and heard. Grief is something that hits all of us. There's so many things that happen in our lives. There's so much loss. There's so much change. And there's so much of opinions in society, in our families, within our circle or coworker circles. That they tell us they have an idea of how a person should grieve, how long, how short, you know, what is proper and what's not, in regards to taking time off into resting and caring for yourself, for even going to the cemetery, or having the ashes with you in your home by your bedside, or how often, or where you can cry, or just even the silence that people, it's like they tiptoe around you, or they're afraid to say your loved one's name. Or maybe they devalue your grief of the loss of a pet. When your pet dies and they just don't see why you should still be grieving over that. Or loss, you re you've loss of a dream, or you've retired.

SPEAKER_00: 2:31

And what do you do now? So many people think grief is just from the death of some of a person, and that is a huge grief.

SPEAKER_01: 2:47

But I want us to understand that grief hits all of us in different ways, in different amounts, and from so many different occasions. And no one has the right to tell us that we can or cannot grieve a certain circumstance or a person or a pet or whatever you are grieving right now. Don't let anyone tell you. Please do not let anyone tell you that you're grieving wrong, you're grieving too long, you're grieving too loud, that you're resting and staying home too much, you're saying no to things. Because this is your your grief. This is your path. This is your love that you're grieving, the change that's in your life, not everybody else's life. They don't understand. Because this is yours, and you are going to be learning how to continue your life with this grief, how to carry this grief, this love that you had for a person, for a pet, for your identity, for your dream, whatever your grief is, it's yours.

SPEAKER_00: 4:20

And so I want you to understand.

SPEAKER_01: 4:25

I want you to support each other. I want you to just stand firm, to understand, to know that you're doing it okay. You're doing it the right way. Because there are no rules. There is no rule book. Because really, if there was a rule book, if there was a manual to grief, wouldn't it be easier? Because we would know what's the next step. We would there would be some kind of an order to a process, an order of what we're supposed to be feeling and what we're supposed to be doing. And there would be an end. There would be. You are not alone. This is your place to come. I hope get some comfort or perhaps some kind of guidance or support understanding. You're not alone. I am here for you. Grieve your way. Don't let anybody tell you that you're doing it wrong or you're doing it too long. There is no right way or wrong way. Grief is all about the changes that come. Grief is something that you will always have with you. Grief is your love that you now have to figure out how to carry it forward. Thank you for tuning in. I am the Caring Death Doula, and I am here for you.