The Numbness of Grief

In this episode, your host, Frances, shares raw moments after two funerals and the quiet that followed. She names the numbness of early grief and the strength in saying “I’m not okay.”

 She offers  encouragement to rest or to return to routine, and permission to reject timelines.

• fresh grief after family losses
• numb days and decision fatigue
• permission to rest without guilt
• returning to routine when ready
• waves of grief without timelines
• no judgment for how you grieve
• holding space and reaching out

You can always reach out to me.

The Caring Death Doula

Sign up for my newsletter, ask questions, and get responses via Email: thecaringdeathdoula@gmail.com

Follow on FB The Caring Death Doula

https://www.facebook.com/share/1CUfH9Kek6/?mibextid=wwXIfr

IG The_Caring_Death_Doula https://www.instagram.com/the_caring_death_doula?igsh=MXdjOTF3MWo2a3RpYw%3D%3D&utm_source=qr

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:41

Hello, this is Francis, the host of the Caring Death Doolis. Thank you so much for joining me today. Thank you for walking this path with me. This path of living life with grief. Learning how to shift the love that you have and carry it a little bit different.

SPEAKER_00 1:11

Thank you for holding space with me.

Fresh Loss And Emotional Exhaustion

SPEAKER_01 1:16

I've really been thinking a lot about grief, obviously. Uh, with two funerals last week, the death, the unexpected death of my my brother-in-law, the lonely grief from my dad's death two years ago, and being feeling like the only one that's grieving.

SPEAKER_00 1:45

I want to speak to you today if you're grieving. I understand. You are not alone. I am witnessing you. I am holding space for you. If you're in fresh grief, I so feel for you. I'm holding space for you. I hope that you can use these episodes to know that I'm here with you.

Numbness After The Funerals

The Checklist You Can’t Answer

Waves Of Grief Without Timelines

Permission To Rest Or Return

No Judgment, Your Way To Grieve

Support, Outreach, And Closing Care

SPEAKER_01 2:28

Because I had days after we got through the funeral of my brother-in-law, Darryl, where all I wanted to do, and especially after I went to that second funeral, uh, I was done. I will be honest with you, when I when I came home from, or actually when I left the second funeral, I was done. I did not want to return home. I did not want to see anybody. I did not want to talk to anybody. I did not want to make a meal for my family. I did not want to do anything. I didn't want to have to entertain my grandchildren. I I didn't feel like I had anything left by the time I came out of that second funeral last week. But I had to make it through that day and the next day. And finally, Monday morning came and my last out of state child left with his family to head back for the two-day trip. It was going to be back to Wyoming and his life there. And all I wanted to do was sit in my recliner with my heating pad and not talk to anybody, not do anything, not think anything, maybe have comfort food. But I just didn't want to do anything. I wanted to rest. And so I want to encourage you, if you can, if you're in that stage, I don't know if any of you have seen those reels where they they show someone just kind of lying there, kind of laying in their bed or wherever, and there's a voice that comes in and it says, Did you drink enough water today? No. Did you eat well today? No. Did you get outside today? No. Did you talk to anyone today? No. Did you make plans today? No. And it goes through all these questions and it's always no. No. No. Because that is the numbness that comes from grief. And it's going to be there in those first days, in that first week. And you and you kind of push yourself through it, right? Because you've got things to decide and and things to do. You've got the visitation or the funeral or the the party, whatever you do for your loved one to honor them and to celebrate their life and who they were and what they meant to you. But then everybody leaves and they go back to their lives, back to their homes. And you're going to have those numb days. And you're also going to have those waves of grief that are going to hit you. And they may come out of the blue, they may come two months later, two years later, five years later. Whenever they hit for you, that numbness is going to make you not want to do anything. It is okay to not be okay. It's okay to say I'm not okay. To say I'm having a hard day. Because you feel weak right now. You feel like you can't you can't handle it. But I want you to know that you are strong for yourself when you can take that time to rest. When you can say, I'm not okay. And maybe for you, if you're in that raw grief and the funeral's over with and the family goes home, you don't want to stay home and have a day of rest. You want to get back to work. You want to get back to your routine, to your schedule, and that's okay. Because we all grieve differently. And there should be no judgment, no criticism, nothing should be sad about how you handle your grief and what you need. It's okay to go back to work right away. If that's what you have the capacity for, if that's what you need, if that's how you handle grief. All I ask is that you don't stuff it down, that in whatever way works for you, that you take care of yourself, you give yourself the option to just go to work and you'll deal with it when it fits, when it comes up, and you have a moment, or if you need to rest, then you rest. And I hope you have an employer that will give you the time that you need. And if you don't, I am so sorry. Because that numbness of grief, especially when it's raw and fresh grief, it is so hard. But that numbness will also just come out of the blue. That grief wave will just come out of the blue and hit you. And I want you to know it's okay. Don't let anybody tell you that you've grieved long enough, that there's any timeline or any pattern or any, you know, list of order of how you should grieve or what you should be feeling. Know that your grief is your grief.

SPEAKER_00 8:48

And I see you. I understand. I'm here for you.

SPEAKER_01 8:52

You are not alone. If you're grieving today, know that I'm here to support you. I'm holding space for you. You can always reach out to me. And if you know someone who's grieving, please reach out to them. Give them the space they need. Be there for them, support them. Thank you. Once again, I want to thank you for listening in, for learning to support each other, for holding space. This is the Caring Death Doula, and I am here for you.