Fifty Episodes, Zero Rules For Grief

Plans unraveled, but the heart of our work held steady. We set out to share the origin story behind “the caring death doula” for a milestone 50th episode and ran into tech roadblocks—so we did what grief teaches best: we stayed present. This conversation leans into honesty, gratitude, and the quiet courage it takes to feel what you feel without apology.

Together, we name the messy middle of loss—anger at choices a loved one made, numbness that flattens the day, the waves that crash when you least expect them. There are no stages to pass, no finish line to cross. Grief is love learning a new shape, and that learning is allowed to be imperfect.

We also discussed the importance of raising our children to see death as part of life; of teaching them to understand the fragility of life. 

If you’ve been with us from the start or you’re pressing play for the first time, you’ll find permission here—permission to feel, to pause, and to come back when you’re ready.

If this conversation meets you where you are, subscribe, share it with someone who needs gentle company today, and leave a review to help others find a safe place to land.

And always remember I am Frances, The Caring Death Doula, and I am here for you. 

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Transcript

Intentions For The Milestone

Gratitude For Loyal Listeners

Naming Grief’s Many Feelings

A Safe Place To Return

Getting Real About Connection

Teaching Children About Death

Listener Story And Solidarity

No Stages, No Rules

Anger, Numbness, And Permission

Closing Support And Presence

SPEAKER_00 0:41

Hello, this is Francis, your host. Thank you for joining me today. The whole month of February so far has not been anything that I had thought it would be, as life does. You know, like that phrase that says that life happens while you're making plans. So my plan for February was going to be to honor my dad, to share with you today. We're celebrating the 50th episode of this podcast. And so I wanted to share the episode where I would talk about why I'm the caring death doula, why I took, why I embody that name, the caring death doula. But I'm having technical issues, and so I couldn't upload that episode. And it it really is a good episode. It was very difficult for me to record it. And so I'm not going to attempt to try to do it again. But I want to thank you, those of you who have been here since the beginning, and you keep coming back and you keep listening and being faithful and you keep sharing, and I thank you for that. If you've listened to three or four or 10 or 25, whatever number, thank you for coming back and for supporting me. And this desire to change the way our communities, our society, our workplaces handle, talk about grief. Thank you for learning, for being willing to learn how to support someone, to hold space. And if this is your first time, thank you for stopping in. And I I hope that this episode gives you some comfort, some feeling of being in a safe place. But I'm holding space for all those who are grieving today, whether it's fresh, raw grief and you're numb, whether you're holding anger right now because they left you, because they didn't seek medical help, or they didn't seek, they didn't take care of their bodies so they could stay with you. Whatever you're feeling right now, I'm here for you. And it's okay. And grief is your love. You're learning to carry your love in a different way. You'll always have the grief, and it'll come and go. And for some people, it's not as strong. And for others, it is, and the waves will come crashing and knock you down every single time they come. And I want you to know this is a place that you can come whenever it works for you, whenever you can handle it, whenever you're ready to. I want to thank those of you who have shared with me when an episode has touched you. I had a listener thank me for being raw and real. And that's the only way to have a connection, to have a true connection is if we get real with each other. And let's let's talk about it. Let's raise our children to understand that death, that loss, that change that comes from that death is part of our life, and we can't avoid it. We can't escape it. We need to teach our children to be comfortable with it, to realize the preciousness, the fragility of life, and how we need to enjoy and be aware of each moment. Thank you to the listener in uh Sherman Oaks, California, who shared that she had gone through an unexpected death and was thanking me for my episode about my brother-in-law. It's hard, isn't it? There's no rules for grief. Please remember that. There's no rules, there's no right or wrong way. There's no checkoff list that, you know, you go through depression and then anger and then this and that. It's not linear. There's no end to it. And it's okay if you're dealing with anger right now. Angry that they didn't take care of themselves so they could be with you longer, or angry that they didn't go to the doctor or obey what the doctor said to do, or or whatever your anger is about. They left you too soon. Or if your anger is at God, or if you're numb right now, I want you to know it's all okay. It's all okay. This is your path, and there's no right or wrong way. This is a caring death, Dula, and I am here for you.