4 Hidden Agreements That Might Be Running Your Life

You don’t need more discipline.

You don’t need more clarity.

You need to see what you’ve already agreed to.

In this episode, Melissa breaks down four of the most common hidden agreements that quietly shape your behaviour, your decisions, and your results - without you even realising it.

These aren’t the beliefs you consciously think.

They’re the ones you live by.

From “it’s safer not to be seen” to “I need to be chosen,” this episode will help you recognise the patterns that may be keeping you stuck… even when you know what to do.

Because these agreements don’t feel like beliefs.

They feel like truth.

Once you see them, you can’t unsee them.

And that’s where everything begins to change.

If you want to explore your own hidden agreements more deeply, you can start here:
 👉 https://melissa-amos.com/the-hidden-agreements/

Memoirs of a Mystic In Training, by Melissa Amos is available on Amazon

Learn more about Melissa by visiting her website melissa-amos.com and download a free hypnotherapeutic series, Intuition Rewired. 

Follow her @themelissaamos across the platforms 

Transcript

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Hello and welcome back to another episode of the Mystic in Training podcast with me, your host, Melissa Amos. After last week's episode, I have had a number of messages asking me about this hidden agreement and what I actually mean about coding and how is it showing up in their lives. The answer that I'm always giving is you actually don't need to go digging for them. One of the beauties about understanding this concept of having hidden agreements means that we can begin to live differently and we can begin to observe who we are and how we're showing up. And that alone is the clue to what it is that is actually driving us. Because these things aren't separate. It's not like we've got these set of agreements that are separate to our life. When we become aware and when we become alert, we can actually really see how we're showing up, what we're adhering to, and how the universe, of course, is delivering this, all of these insights behind us. Now, a number of you have said that you've noticed things, like the way that actually you hesitate, the way that you talk yourself out of the thing that you want to do. And maybe by now you have caught yourself thinking, well, is that one of those agreements that Melissa was talking about? And so today I thought would be a great idea to give you some insight into how you can see them. Let's start with just a number of the agreements that you may have seen operating. One of the most common that I see in, especially in the spiritual space, and really I would say mainly amongst women, but it's it's pretty broad, is this clincher. Um, it's safer not to be seen. Now, even as I say that, it might bring something up in you. It's safer not to be seen. And the thing with something like this is until you are actually um stepping out and actually ready to be seen, you might not notice it. In fact, that's quite true for many of the green agreements that we have. Until we are moving forward, until we are facing them, until something happens which is making us confront that, that they sit so far below the surface that we don't know. If you are noticing this, then the good news is that you're already beginning to move towards it. We always love a silver lining here on the Mystic and Training Podcast. So it's safer not to be seen. How does that show up? Well, it shows up in that hesitation, it shows up in like the hiding behind other people's modalities, for example. Oh, I'm a Reiki healer or I practice EFT or I do RTT or whatever it is. It comes up in this like severe procrastination. So, you know, like this perfectionism that I need to have everything perfectly aligned before I show up, before I put my offer out there, before I write this post. You might run it through AI 16 different times in order to really change what it is that you've written with maybe the mindset of, well, I want to make this better, but actually the underlying core is my viewpoint, my words, my expression isn't safe to be put out there. It may also come up in trying to keep things small. So you have this big idea and then you like tone it down 10 levels, being too busy to post on your social media, being afraid to do a live call, being in a in a room if you even get there and like holding it back or playing it safe or like downplaying what you do. What happens there is you are still seen. You're just not seen for who you are. You're just seen for another version. And actually, somehow that feels worse. Like somehow you then end up with this thing that nobody sees me because nobody does. I see it over and over again. It has such a hidden cost to it that not only is it that you're walking around feeling a little less than, maybe not good enough. I think even imposter syndrome comes up in there because you're presenting as somebody that isn't true to you. And and I'll say this: it doesn't always feel like that. It just feels like, oh, I'm being more compassionate or I'm being more mindful with my words, or I'm being accessible or humble or whatever it is. But actually, how is anyone ever gonna see you if how are your clients gonna see you? How is the love of your life gonna see you? How are the friendships that you want to cultivate gonna see you if you're not showing up as the truth of who you are? So let's go. Agreement number two. I can't have success and still be liked or a good person, or you know, this is also the money is the root of all evil, and also can I be rich? And right? There's all the subheadings from there. And how this shows up is well, if I go too big, people will judge me, or I can't go for that big thing because who will people think I am? Like for me, when I put out my 22,000 pound offer, that's when it really came up. There was all of this stuff sitting underneath it that whilst I felt ready, actually something in the energy that I put it out there reflected that back to me that you can't have success and still be liked. You can't have success and still be a good person. And I saw it in my in some, I'm afraid to say, um, in some of the comments on the post and some of the reactions that came from other people, people in the industry, people that that I'd known. And it brought up a lot for me. Of course, it did. It made me wonder if I was too much, it made me question a lot about what it was, but most of all, it made me really look at this um thing that I was holding as truth that um success had a price to pay. And how I think it had showed up until that point is kind of shrinking your ambition. I always felt that ambition was a dirty word. And I was judged for my ambition, but I, or I felt like I was judged for my ambition at least. And I look back now and I realize it was because I couldn't fully step into that. When I fully stepped into I am ambitious and I want to succeed and I want to do these incredible things, and you know, I I want to change the industry and I want to create the podcast and write the book and do and launch my own healing modality and all of these things that I've now gone to do. It took me to admitting it and owning it. And when I did and I was grounded in it, well, then suddenly that 22k offer became a 33k offer and it sold, right? Because I'm really standing in it. The people that are there to see this are now activated and they step up and they really see you. So I suppose it's even a subset of uh agreement one, right? Am I safe to be seen? And so when we're holding this agreement, well, we might stay accessible, we might stay acceptable, we might stay safe in these circles that we've created, but we don't feel fully expressed. We kind of feel a little bit like uh I'm not living to my full potential. And guess what? That little friend that we have, imposter syndrome, also shows up in this space. And my truth is, is because we're not fully in that alignment, right? There's something in us knows that we're not really being true to myself. Another one, this was quite personal for me, and I shared it in uh one of the previous podcasts about comfort, that comfort is more important than growth, that comfort is a is a top value. And I think for most of us that's true. I think we want to stay comfortable. Comfort is something that comforts us, right? Like you see, in babies, they want to be comforted. But when we are holding comfort as something that is more important than growth, well, then it can become a little bit restrictive. So, how does it show up? Well, we start saying things like, oh, I just need a break, or I can't do this because I'm, I don't know, not feeling 100%, or when things get easier, when the stars align, when the I've got the perfect equipment, when I've got the perfect support, when the market opens, when the seasons turn, blah, blah, blah. Well, that's when I'll do it. That's when I'll start. Or it can even turn up as, oh, well, my intuition was telling me not to do it because it made me feel discomfort. And if you listen to many of my previous episodes, you will hear me talk about how that is not really intuition, it's something else. And actually, it's this thing that's playing into this hidden agreement that's sitting underneath. Comfort is more important than growth. For me, when I actually changed my philosophy and really understood that one of my strongest values was evolution and growth, like continual evolution and growth. And this for me was when the comfort story really came up because now I was in this position of if I really want to grow, then I need to go somewhere where my comfort isn't. I need to stretch out my comfort zone. Um, I need to find those growth edges, and all of that is uncomfortable. And so, really, it was like, well, what is more important for me? Back then it showed up as emotional eating, of putting things off, as avoiding discomfort, of confusing my intuition with feeling good. Uh now it's a vastly different story. And the cost of this is well, you might stay comfortable, but it's that like uncomfortable comfort. It's that like, oh, I'm yeah, I'm really nice and cozy in this little compartment, but like I think I'm growing a bit big for it, right? You're stuck, you're compressed, you're you you can't fully breathe. And then, as I spoke about in the TEDx episode, I need to be chosen. I'm giving my power to somebody else. It is up to somebody else to say yes to me. It is, it is how I am in relation to another that provides my self-worth, that gives me permission to express myself or to do the thing. Um, I need to wait to be invited, is a big thing. I need validation. Somebody needs to validate me like I'm a parking ticket. When I need those people to step before me and to do this before me, but then when somebody does it before me, then you're like, oh, well, hold on, there's already six other people doing it, so I can't do that. I'll put this out there, I'll put this offer out there, or I'll put this idea out there, and it's only valid if somebody says yes. And if somebody doesn't say yes within five minutes, and then I'm gonna pull the plug because clearly nobody wants it. When actually, when you're really coming from this, I know who I am, I know how I serve, when we get good at the agreement above of like being in that growth edge, being in that void, holding that discomfort, being in that space in between, well, then we begin to understand that the validation, it's like ironic, but the validation like will come, but it comes from you first. And we see it when we're second guessing, when we're shaping ourselves to fit the mold, when we're like waiting, when I'll do it another time, when you drop like a ton of hints, and then you're like, Well, I didn't take that hint. Like, what if you chose yourself? Because the cost of this really is you don't ever fully choose yourself. Like you give your power away to the people on social media, to the bosses, to the family members, to the potential clients, to the random person on the street that may or may not like your outfit, right? What if you just chose yourself? This is where the big change comes. But the thing with all of these is if I asked you what do you believe, you they wouldn't come up because they don't feel like beliefs and they don't feel like values. They feel like truth. They feel like this is just the way life is. Like this is just what life is returning to me over and over again. And you're right, that is what life is turning to you over and over again. But I'm telling you that this isn't because that this is just what life is, and I have seen it. I have been there, I have spent time recoding these agreements and coding myself for success and what success truly looks like. And I've seen how not only I've changed and how I've chosen myself and I've put myself in different rooms and I've changed my habits and my thoughts and the way that I move forward, but also the way that the universe responds to me, the opportunities that come in my direction, the paths that collide as if by magic that put me probably into more discomfort and into more growth, um, and ultimately into more success, and ultimately into more growth, and ultimately into more satisfaction and desire and passion and embodiment and joy and vibrancy and like all these incredible things that I wasn't feeling, I was missing out on. I was watching everybody else do when I was still sitting in my uncomfortable comfort zone. So I ask you, dear mystics, which one of these felt like you? And maybe more than one, or maybe there's others that you're starting to see. But really, I want you to start to look at well, where am I saying yes to it? Like where in my life am I still saying yes to the thing that isn't serving me anymore? And I remind you, this isn't about forcing anything different, it's more about the, hmm, look at that thing that I'm doing again on IQ, on i sweep, and i lovely, I love you, I love you, me. And then choosing another choice, considering what's on the other side, finding that safety in the new way of being. And of course, doing the work from the level that it's presented to you, like I'm doing in the success codes. Because the thing with this is once you see it, you can't unsee it. And so your job, dear listener, is to go and start looking for your hidden agreements. If you want to explore more, have a look at the show notes. There's plenty of details about the hidden agreements that I will be running very shortly. And I remind you, this isn't about you being stuck. This isn't that life is just gonna keep on serving you this. It's a reminder that you are loyal and that you do have willpower and that you do have strength. Just right now, you're being loyal to the thing that no longer serves you. And this is what it means to be a mystic in training. I will see you next time.