The Girl Who Knew Too Much - Why Knowing More Isn't Changing Your Life

For years, I thought the answer was more information.

More books.
More courses.
More certifications.
More understanding.

And whilst knowledge has been one of my greatest gifts, I eventually realised it had also become one of my greatest hiding places.

In this episode, I share my own journey through personal development, Reiki, psychotherapy, coaching, spirituality, and self-discovery - and the surprising realisation that changed everything:

The problem wasn't that I didn't know enough.

The problem was that the wrong part of me was in charge.

We explore:

• why awareness alone doesn't create change
• the difference between knowing and embodying
• the Inner Boardroom
• why personal growth can become a form of avoidance
• who is really making your decisions
• how to create deeper congruence between wisdom and action

If you've ever found yourself saying:

"But I know what to do..."

This episode is for you.

Memoirs of a Mystic In Training, by Melissa Amos is available on Amazon

Learn more about Melissa by visiting her website melissa-amos.com and download a free hypnotherapeutic series, Intuition Rewired. 

Follow her @themelissaamos across the platforms 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello and welcome back to another episode of the Mystic in Training Podcast with me, your host, Melissa Amos. I discovered something about myself. There's a surprise. And I'm thinking that many of my listeners will resonate with this. I realize that I have an identity as the girl who knew too much. Not something that I thought I would ever say, because I have always been the one that's like, I need to know more. I need to know more. Give me more. If I have a rabbit hole that I see over there, if it sparks my interest, I go down it. I go down even more layers, I gain all the information, I discover everything about it, the operating system that lies underneath it, and the 12 different theories that may be supporting it or denying it. And then I synthesize that into my own space. Turns out, as I've been doing this work on my wounds into my medicine and really understanding on such a deep level what really drives us, I realize that something sometimes can actually be causing some form of, how should I say this, stuckness, overwhelm, procrastination. Sometimes it's not about knowing more, it's about being more. And I think that you'll resonate with this if you've ever been in the position where you're like, but I know what to do. I I know what to do. I know where this wound came from. I know why this person's behaving like that. I know why my Pisces son and my Leo moon seem to fight, and therefore this is why, but then nothing begins to change. Sometimes the learning and the discovering and the query and the inquiry can actually be the thing that is causing us to avoid the very thing that we need to look into. You know, I even think back to my journey. You know, I started on the spiritual quest in 2008, uh, quite by accident, if I'm honest, when I learnt Reiki. I remember sitting in the class and feeling this energy move through my hands and thinking, oh my goodness, there's something going on here. Um, and for a while before that, oh, I'm gonna confess something soon. For a while before that, I had been really considering who I was as a human, not really with the spiritual or the energetic side. I hadn't been opened up to that yet, but I knew that I wanted to be in personal development. I knew that um like NLP, coaching, training, that kind of thing seemed to be the thing that lit me up. Then I learnt Reiki and I felt this power moving through my hands, and my teacher was running from what I could see a pretty successful business with Reiki and Massage and all of these things. And whilst massage wasn't ever really my thing, I I could see straight away that this was something that I could work into. Remember, which you may know about me, I was very ambitious, you know. I was working in car sales at the time, and I think that ambition gets like driven, mind the pun, uh, driven into you when you're in an environment like that. And and I could see that there was a possibility, but I so I learned my Reiki. Um, and then a few months later I did my Reiki too. Um, and then I got like obsessed. I was reading all the books, I was discovering all the different kinds of Reiki. I was ringing my teaching, going, There must be more. Is there more? What else can I do? And I learned Karuna Reiki and say Chem Reiki and the Violet Flame, and and I did my Reiki Masters, and then at this point, listen to some of my earlier episodes to find out more. But um, I'd left my job, I'd left car sales, I'd gone to work for another company that was more aligned with what I wanted to do with training, and I learned NLP, and on my weekends off, I'd be learning in this in summits and I'd be doing all of these things. And I spent so long just researching and discovering and going on courses and reading the books, and this happened for years. Somehow get onto the discussion of what is it that you want to do in your life, or I'd be really like upset at work, or I'd be, you know, be under pressure, or you know, even after I had kids, even after I had my eldest, I'd be saying how I really want to get into training and development and coaching and helping people. And at this point, I had more skills than I needed to do the thing that I wanted to do, but still I didn't feel ready. And what did I do? I continued wanting to learn more, and it was one day actually where I realized that probably like five years had passed and I was still having the same conversation. I was still saying one day I will. At this point, I was Reiki master, NLP practitioner, coaching specialist, energy. I'd started to learn, and I mean learn about the law of attraction and all of these things. And I realized that the more I knew, and the more I was giving my authority to the amount of information that I need in order to make this successful, the less action I was actually taking. And actually, the more I knew and the more powerful I realized this work was, the more pressure I put upon myself of well, I need to know even more so that I can make sure I do the best job. Did I ever tell you I have an exceptional existential issue? But that's a story for another day. But I look to my life now and I and I see this pattern, and I've got a confession to make. Because for so long, the part of me that was in charge was telling me I need to know more. The part of me that was in charge was saying you need to learn everything. And because of the way that my brain works and the interest that I have, I found that quite easy. It's not that it wasn't hard work because that it did take a dedication and devotion. But I personally found that easier than actually feeling the thing, than actually making the relevant changes that I needed to do, that actually allow myself to somatically, energetically, behaviorally move through it rather than just be like, oh cool. Well, I'm like this because, and I would find a new strategy, I would look at different ways of being able to manage that emotion so that I wouldn't feel it so much. But I realized one day when I was standing there in the woods having a full-on emotional freefall, I was like, oh, oh all of this knowledge has kept me safe from this grief that's sitting underneath it for so long. And what I was scared of was feeling this grief because I I didn't I couldn't conceptualize that, I couldn't contextualize that. This raw emotion that sits underneath that I'd spent so long bringing into my mind and discovering more about it, and what does that mean, and where does it come from, and how do I heal it? It was all happening in my brain. And what really needed to happen was for me to bring the body on board, for me to bring the energetics on board, for me to work into the whole thing and actually let go of all the knowledge, let go of everything that I knew, because the grief that I was feeling on that day made no sense. There was not like, well, this happened, and so therefore now I feel sad. It was just like, oh, the four decades that you have been on earth where you've not known what to do with that. Here we go. And even then, I I noticed my mind wanting to try and do it, but I kept dropping back. Where it began was changing the operating system, changing the belief and the coding that kept me strategizing all of my inner world and actually giving the authority to my evolution, to my growth, to my feeling body, to these parts of me that were never allowed to be in charge. And I can tell you the 12 reasons why they were never allowed to be in charge, but as I realized that didn't help. I did a lot of work in my Akashic Records to understand what it was that was going on and to essentially give myself permission because it's hard. But now that's changed, I can witness how yes, my brain still wants to get on board. And by the way, I realize that it's not bad. Like this ability that I have to be able to analyze and to conceptualize my things is one of my greatest gifts, but it's also one of my greatest wounds if that's all I rely on. It's incredible when we think about how we are made up of the sum of our parts, and that the sum of our parts create different roles in our life and they create different defaults. It's like working in a corporation. Um, and I remember once teaching this in SoulSpace, my community, and and the concept of the inner boardroom came out, and it's some of my favorite teachings because you can imagine that we have this, these inner workings. We have like the wise self and the accountant and the health and safety officer and the achiever and the perfectionist, and so often we'll put like the wrong one in charge. We'll ask for this like overzealous health and safety officer to make our decisions for us because we're feeling a little bit vulnerable when actually the thing that needs to be in charge in this moment is our higher self or our wiser self. Maybe our protector needs to come in at that time, or maybe our inner child is the thing that wants to come through. And as we begin to really understand that we're created from this ecosystem, and as I started to look at my default patterns, it allowed for some of the, you know, like non-main characters to come in and go, hey, I've got something really important to say. And then not just put it down on a spreadsheet, which was quite tempting, but really allow it to express and take hold and make some decisions for me. It was liberating and it was game-changing. It allowed me to become more of myself, it allowed me to become more truthful with what it is that I really want. It allowed me to make decisions that felt so much more in alignment that I was so scared to make before. Because I was scared of being judged. I was scared of not knowing enough. I mean, how ridiculous is this, right? I was invited to a kind of training retreat thing. And as I was looking at it, I was thinking, yeah, but I'm I'm not gonna know anything about that subject, and there's gonna be a load of people there that do. And so I can't go because I'll need to do a lot of pre-work before, and I just don't have the capacity right now. What kind of nonsense is that? What if I go there and I'm like, I don't know anything about this subject, and I'm here with a bunch of experts, I'm here with a bunch of people who know so much about it, and there I can learn and I can empty out and I can allow for this wisdom to come through, this vulnerability, this aspect of growth. Like, this is the aspect that we want in charge of us. How do we grow? How do we learn? How do we evolve? And how do we bring those parts of us along so that they don't feel that they're left behind, so that we don't feel our nervous system is going wild. I was the girl who knew too much, but it was when I changed the authority there, it allowed for my knowing and my wisdom and my too-muchness to actually come through and be more of a strength. Because now my there's more coherence within me. Now, when I'm sharing that philosophy because I've seen it in my clients or in my community, there's more integrity in me because I'm holding the same thing of them. I've lived through that. And not only have I lived through that, I've alchemized it and grown from it. And I think that's the key that we can so often get stuck in the awareness of things, that there's so much information out there that we can we can know even more. And I'm always one for knowing. Learn and learn and learn. It's like my life. And it's in the application of this, it's in the congruence of this, it's in the consistency of this, it's in the integration of this, that the real change takes place. And that comes from more of okay, well, now I need to go and do this. That comes from who's in charge in me. What am I, what am I moving towards? What am I disciplined towards? And when we change that, then everything changes. When we change that, the inner boardroom goes, Hey, I know who to bring on board here. And some of them might, you know, be giving you their little insights of well, the accountant's got something to say here, and don't forget to leave some money for your tax bill, but they're not the ones making the big decisions. The CEO becomes your soul, and that's the thing that drives you. And the soul doesn't need information, the soul needs experience, the soul needs expansion, and the soul needs love, and that's dear mystic that changes everything. And so there's your invitation not to change, not to analyze, but to just notice what part of me is in charge right now. And if there were a better part of me, if there was a more congruent part of me that was making a decision there, what would be different? I don't know. See what happens, and I will see you next time.