Return to Chapter 4 Part 2: Big Rigged

Our adventurers outsmart their pursuers... or do they?

Starring

Tyler Wood as Ayahee

Grant Janik as The DM

Mark Brady as John Lick

Shane Smith as Ranger "Always In" Danger

with Lisa Corrao as The Narrator (@LisaCorrao)

Intro and outro music provided by Tim White @DDSluggers

Follow us on social media @ComedyNDice

Patreon.com/ComedyNDice

Transcript

SPEAKER_04 0:00

I've been on this desert road for miles. I could really use some gas. Maybe a couple snacks. Oh, next gas station, a mile ahead. Good to know. I think I'll just pull over here. Huh. I'm sure there's another one up the road. Hello everyone, and welcome to the next episode of Comedy and Dice. My name is Tyler Wood. I play AIE the Barbarian, Ericakra level three. He's a father. He is a part of the mafia, and he is currently with his friends in a dune buggy, ready to go. And usually to my left, but now above me in the Discord call, is Hi, I'm Grant Janik.

SPEAKER_03 0:51

I am your DM. DM, of course, stands for Dirty Mop and also stands for Dungeon Master. I am the world. And usually to my left, but also uh according to my screen, I'm in the correct rotation and everyone else is too. So to my left is the amazing and lovable. Who's doing it? It's always you, Mark. Oh, it's not me.

SPEAKER_02 1:15

And um, yeah, that other space was mine. It's uh Mark Brady. I am John Lick. I am a halfling druid dog. Irish setter now. Uh accent got switched up and uh you're a Scottish Terrier. Right, yes. What did I say?

SPEAKER_04 1:32

Irish setter.

SPEAKER_02 1:33

Oh, yeah. Scottish Terrier, right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:36

Yeah, an Irish setter is a volleyball player who just sets the spikes. All right. That's gonna not make it in.

SPEAKER_02 1:46

It has to. And then uh, of course, uh last but not least, um, one of the whole the whole gang's favorite, I think.

SPEAKER_04 1:59

And this is where Shane's intro usually goes. He is Ranger Danger, a half-elf Ranger, and his audio dropped. So I'm just inserting this for him uh because it is way too late to be asking him to re-record. We had a little bit of a technical difficulty, some of the fun of recording remotely, but we got it figured out, and even though we lost some of Shane's recording, we were able to sync back up and restart the episode. Hey Grant, I have a question.

SPEAKER_03 2:27

I have an answer.

SPEAKER_04 2:28

Where are we? What are we doing?

SPEAKER_03 2:30

Yes! Well, big episode last time. When we last left off, you guys had entered back into the world of Dunkel Sprout, but it was not as it all seems, as the cutesy fun, pink, Katy Perry-filled world of Dunkel Sprout has been mad-maxified as the author has taken Dunkel Sprout because you know where the plot hole is originally. It's up in Meaniburg Hill in Meaniburg Castle. And your goal is to just get to the castle and get to the plot hole, but he created this hellscape of a world, just sand dunes. Uh, and speaking of sand dunes, unluckily, you guys do not have to walk on this sand dune because you have a buggy that you guys have used some scrap metal to make into your very own Mad Max mobile. The upgrades that you have put on it so far is like a cow plate or whatever it's called, basically the cow catcher. The cowcatcher, uh, the V on the top of the buggy. You also have fortified it with walls, and then you also took some spikes on the bottom of it. So you have two on the front wheels, two on the back wheels, and then two on the sides. That being said, you also did something very important, very plot-related. Before you went into the book, uh AI took his feather and pricked Ranger for some blood and wrote in chapter 20, the key, wrote, the key is in chapter four, which happens to be where you guys are right now. That being said, now you guys are following this map, Doom Buggy in tow. You have two more stops until you make it to Meanie Berg Hill. The two stops on the map are one, looks like sort of a pool area, more of like a pool of water pond-esque, and then another one is just a deep hole, and then you're at Meaniburg Hill. But be sure to be going quick because you have some people in hot pursuit. You guys did not see who was in hot pursuit behind you. You just knew that you are being chased. So, with that, we'll pick up on you guys traveling on your way along this curvy road as you are traveling to the pond, the next area of fucking interest.

SPEAKER_04 4:55

There you go.

SPEAKER_03 4:55

Thanks.

SPEAKER_04 4:56

There's an award-winning linguistics. I have to be going quick, quick going, quickly. We grant, you're the best.

SPEAKER_03 5:06

Thanks. Thanks. I I I had therapy today, so it's I'm ready to go. I got told like I'm ready to quit. No, no joke. I got told today in therapy. He was like, hey, I think you may be depressed. I was like, oh, he was he was right.

SPEAKER_02 5:22

He was just he just told you that.

SPEAKER_03 5:24

Well, how long have you been seeing this guy? Oh, a couple years. I got sober with him too, and we're just learning this now.

SPEAKER_02 5:32

Yeah, I would have thought that would have been one of my first guesses.

SPEAKER_04 5:36

Hey, Grant, you know what would help? Well, another trip to Disney.

SPEAKER_03 5:40

Oh, we're planning it. Uh oh, but there so with that, we pick up with you guys. We pick up with you guys rolling along the sand dunes. Who is who was the last person to drive, I believe? Because you guys had gotten out to fill the gas.

SPEAKER_04 5:57

So I set the gas station on fire, so I might as well be the person driving. I'll I will take responsibility for that one. All right. So then Mark, you're in the back with the kids.

SPEAKER_03 6:07

Yep. Okay, it's it's just you, and then who has the worm? Who has the bookworm? Nobody, everybody hates him. All right, you left him. He's he's left fine.

SPEAKER_04 6:18

Uh I'll keep him. I'll keep him with me because if he pisses me off, it's something I can snack on.

SPEAKER_03 6:24

All right. So, with that in mind, we're gonna pick up with you guys just traveling along this dune buggy.

SPEAKER_04 6:30

Grant is looks like he's riding a horse or something else. You're a bit jovial when you ride a dick, Grant. That's that's interesting to know.

SPEAKER_03 6:41

It's a great place to be. I'm happy to be there. Yeah, you don't like depressed at all, actually. No, it's where the G-spot is, man.

SPEAKER_04 6:50

I think he rides a dick, like he rides the teacups at Disney World, like, ha!

SPEAKER_03 6:55

I spin the same way too on it.

SPEAKER_04 7:00

Okay, so we're we're heading down. What do I see out the the windshield?

SPEAKER_03 7:04

So out the windshield, currently, you see just it's more sand. There's it's winding up and down as it continuously goes. I will say also, you guys keep periodically looking back in the weird view mirror just to see whoever's chasing you. You can't see who's chasing you. All you see is dust of somebody continuously following you. You can't figure out what it is, but you can tell that something is in fact following you.

SPEAKER_04 7:32

I put my left arm out the side of the dune buggy. I assume there's a hole there where I can just like put my hand out, and I'm going to angle it in such a way that it does not hit the dune buggy, but it does go onto the ground. I'm going to spray as much as I can, as often as I can, from my cantrip of acid splash onto the sand. So we all know liquid keeps well on sand.

SPEAKER_03 7:58

Okay, yeah. You are doing that as you cast acid splash, it's creating these bubbles. So it's not a continuous stream, but it's a giant bubble glop, a giant bubble glop, a giant bubble glop. So as you are periodically doing that, you continue along this map, and you see in the horizon, you start to see silhouettes of trees. I'd say more of the palm variety.

SPEAKER_04 8:26

Alright. The palm variety. Am I following the map? What do I see on the map?

SPEAKER_03 8:31

You are you are following the map. Is there a road we're following? There's not really a road. It's more so a loose path, but you can tell using the map, like there's giant hills of sand dunes that you would not be able to use to get like use the dune buggy to get up. So you can use that we're going in between some of them. You're going in between some of them, you're able to use them as landmarks in comparison to the map. So you can tell that you are on path to the next part of this place, this desert, uh, and you can tell that these palm trees are signifying that you are getting closer and closer to your intended destination.

SPEAKER_04 9:15

Alright, let's go to the pool. Fast travel.

SPEAKER_03 9:18

So as you approach the pool, the the palm trees start to get more and more like palm tree-ish. They're they're not hands. They they start to appear more and more often. And you start to notice that you pass a palm tree, pass another palm tree, then you pass a cactus, which is the first time you've kind of seen vegetation in this area. As you continue more and more, you see more and more cacti appear, and some of them have red flowers budding. As you continue onward, you start to see now grass is spurting up here and there. Very sparse. It's not like outside, not outside grass, it's not like you know, patches uh and fields of grass, but it's patches, it's small pricks here and there. It's not outside grass. No, it's inside grass. It's like a it's it's a Christmas tree. Yeah, it's turf. It's astroturf. Uh as you continue along as well, you start to notice that the air has shifted from a dry heat to a humidity heat. And I would say here everybody roll perception. 14. 11.

unknown 10:31

18.

SPEAKER_03 10:32

Okay, with uh an 18, John and AI, you guys do not know this, but Ranger, you are able to sense that something is kind of caddy wampous with these trees. Something's a little afoot. You can't put your finger on it, but as you whiz by, something's going a little bit wonky with these. Alright.

SPEAKER_01 10:53

You guys, there's something up with this forest of pine, maybe palmetto trees.

SPEAKER_05 10:59

What are you talking about?

SPEAKER_01 11:00

It feels wrong. It just doesn't feel right. It said it just doesn't feel right. I'm feeling it. You know how, like, right when you're about to pass out and everything starts to go black around your eyes, it feels like that.

SPEAKER_04 11:10

Yeah. Okay. Do I need to stop? What do I need to do?

SPEAKER_01 11:14

Keep going. No, I'm gonna I'm gonna I wanna uh do detect magic.

SPEAKER_03 11:17

Okay, as you cast detect magic, you are able to discern that there is indeed a magical presence around you, and the magical school is school of illusion.

SPEAKER_04 11:33

Ooh, okay. Oh, can you illus illusion now?

SPEAKER_01 11:38

Can you think I just know it's from the school of illusion? Unfortunately. But uh, y'all, this is an illusion. All this is fake. You know, this for this forest of palm trees. You know how I say we're living the simulation, and you're like, whatever. This is it feels like this. It's all like I don't think these trees are real. I think this is uh I think I think it's a mirage. It's a mirage. Ooh, that's what that's the phrase, especially for a whole lot of the room.

SPEAKER_02 12:08

Well, what do we do? Do we keep going? There's people you know coming behind us here.

SPEAKER_01 12:14

Oh, yeah. How should we do that?

SPEAKER_02 12:16

Maybe we maybe we stop and and and let them pass and see what happens.

SPEAKER_04 12:22

Yeah, we we go like Scooby-Doo, like behind the tree. We have a big long car and it's not that wide of a tree, and we go behind it and we disappear. Oh, yeah, yeah. And then they go by and then we come out the other side, like all along.

SPEAKER_02 12:33

Like, oh, you know what? I'm gonna uh I'm gonna cast a fog cloud when they come by. That way we hide ourselves, they don't see us.

SPEAKER_04 12:42

That's smart. That's smart. Yeah, that's right. That's right. We'll just be just be a giant inconspicuous cloud of fog right in the middle of this mirage.

SPEAKER_02 12:51

Yeah, well, I mean, who knows? They couldn't see us, so uh let me see how how much I can cast 30 feet cube uh cube of fog that's okay. Uh 20 feet? So what if I do it a bunch? What if I just keep going casting all over the place? I'm like, oh yeah.

SPEAKER_04 13:15

What fucking accent do you have right now?

SPEAKER_03 13:20

I can I can do it uh uh a bunch of times. Is it a cantrip or is it uh it's a first level? How many how many spell slots do you have available to cast fog?

SPEAKER_04 13:31

You would have reset since we actually I don't know what did you cast any spells last week? He casted fog to get away.

SPEAKER_02 13:38

Okay, yeah, I only got one one spell I like.

SPEAKER_04 13:42

Please do use up one of your slots.

SPEAKER_02 13:44

Ooh, I have mold earth. What I can mold earth, make us a little uh a little a little place we can hide behind Scooby-do it.

SPEAKER_01 13:54

I thought you said mold orf. I was like, oh, is it a Lord of the Rings podcast?

SPEAKER_02 13:57

That's what I want to do. Let's get out. Let's do it. Actually, you don't have to get out just in case.

SPEAKER_03 14:05

Yeah, mold earth is a cantrip, so you can do this as many times as you want. Nice. Molding sand.

SPEAKER_02 14:10

It's yeah, that's that's part of earth.

SPEAKER_03 14:12

Yeah, you can do that.

SPEAKER_02 14:14

Mold earth.

SPEAKER_03 14:14

If it's not wet, it's just gonna like you choose a portion of dirt or stone that you can see within range that fits within a five-foot cube. If you target an area of loose earth, you can instantly excavate it, or you can make it difficult terrain.

SPEAKER_02 14:30

Alright. I I'm going to make mold the sand into an arrow point that we're gonna hide behind. And it's gonna be going pointing towards uh the way we're going.

SPEAKER_04 14:45

Can you smart? You have fire, right? Yeah, some type of fire.

SPEAKER_02 14:51

Uh no, I don't think I do. I think Shane does.

SPEAKER_04 14:54

Do I? What if you you take the sand and you mold it into like an arrow shape, and then Shane, you use fire and make it into glass. That way you have a giant glass arrow.

SPEAKER_02 15:05

Well, it's not a it's not like a two-way mirror.

SPEAKER_03 15:09

Yeah, he's trying to make a big arrow for you to hide behind, not like. I'm sorry, you're still Looney Tunes.

SPEAKER_04 15:17

You're still Looney Tunes, and I'm thinking you have an actual like arrow that you're gonna pull back.

SPEAKER_03 15:22

If you made it glass, you they would just see the dune buggy behind the arrow.

SPEAKER_02 15:34

Where would they go? Oh, they're right there. They're behind that glass.

SPEAKER_01 15:39

But the arrow's pointing, so they know that we went into the place. So it's a distraction.

SPEAKER_02 15:45

That's not a bad idea for making arrows in the future.

SPEAKER_01 15:48

Oh, yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_03 15:50

Yeah. So what what's the plan that we're going with here?

SPEAKER_04 15:54

I'm gonna defer to my my my two animated friends on this one. They seem to have this down.

SPEAKER_02 15:59

I'm gonna mold Earth uh into uh just enough to cover. So I don't want it to obviously be like a sheet, but I'm it's it's like a gradual, just kind of blanket, if you will.

SPEAKER_03 16:10

Okay, so you're creating more or less like a uh more of the dune. You're making it look more duney. More duney. I will say um I'll let you pick whichever one you want. You can either do this as a sleight of hand check or a nature check.

SPEAKER_02 16:31

Oh, uh what? I don't even do I have those?

SPEAKER_03 16:37

Those are two skills that everyone has, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:40

Right. Uh I will do sleight of hand. 15.

SPEAKER_03 16:45

15. You do it just in the nick of time. So so you're able to create effectively what you want to make. Tell me exactly how you're hiding behind it so I can narrate because it's gonna it's gonna affect a lot.

SPEAKER_02 17:02

Okay, well, we're we're are we're still in the car, right? Because we at first we were like, we're gonna get out, and then we're like, well, that's dumb. Because if we're hiding. So it's really just we're all in the car, and then uh from like the top of it, it's just kind of hilly, and then on its way down to kind of blend in to the bottom.

SPEAKER_03 17:23

Okay, so it's more or less completely covered by sand. Yeah. Are we talking like from left to right igloo style, or you're more hiding behind like a big mound? Nice.

SPEAKER_02 17:37

More more of hiding behind a big mound.

SPEAKER_04 17:41

Hell yeah.

SPEAKER_02 17:41

Than an igloo.

SPEAKER_04 17:42

Okay. That's all I want for my birthday. A big mound. Well, hiding behind a big mound.

SPEAKER_03 17:47

Yeah. Hell yeah. You don't want that left to right igloo style, don't you?

SPEAKER_04 17:51

No, no, that's too advanced for me. I'd break it, it would be good.

SPEAKER_03 17:58

Okay. So you are able to make this big hill that you pull the van around, and everybody roll perception. Roll it with disadvantage because there isn't specifically places for you guys to look out to see at who's following you. Oh fuck.

SPEAKER_04 18:15

Disadvantage, I got five. I got a six.

SPEAKER_03 18:20

Two. Okay. All you can hear is the roaring sound of one engine. Is it going? And then you hear a multitude of tires. Multitude. A multitude of tires. Can I get a definition, Judge? Yeah, there is more than one.

SPEAKER_04 18:42

Oh my god, a bicycle.

SPEAKER_03 18:44

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_04 18:45

You guys hear that? It sounds like a bicycle.

unknown 18:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 18:49

And then you hear it go and then it goes as it speeds away. And it goes in the direction of the pool. The arrow worked.

SPEAKER_02 19:04

So do we see do we see it? Like how how far away is it? And like, when do we when do you guys want to go? You know, we got to time this a little bit. Because I want to see what happens to them. Oh, they're gonna keep going. I kind of want to keep my eye on it.

SPEAKER_04 19:17

I don't think so. I don't think we've got any binoculars. Oh no, can we see can we see them from here?

SPEAKER_02 19:21

I can make some out of glass. Yeah, we could.

SPEAKER_04 19:24

No, that'd be stupid. Let's make more arrows. Um so we can't see them from here.

SPEAKER_03 19:34

You can't see them from here.

SPEAKER_02 19:35

They've already sped off. And there's nothing, no one behind them.

SPEAKER_03 19:38

It's just it's there, from what you can see. Uh I won't even make you roll perception for this. There's no one behind them. This is the person that was chasing you, and they have continued on forward.

SPEAKER_04 19:48

Okay, let's uh Well, there's only that we're kind of fucked because that's the road we gotta go down. True. But I'd rather be behind them. I think that's fine.

SPEAKER_02 19:56

That's right here. I want to see what happens to them.

SPEAKER_04 20:00

Rather have a bottle in front of me. Shane said they'd rather be in front of us, and it reminds me of that thing where I've had it in my head a lot recently. I'd rather have a bottle. Would you rather have a bottle? Fuck. Would I rather have a bottle in front of me or a frontal lobotomy? Ooh.

SPEAKER_02 20:18

Oh.

SPEAKER_04 20:19

Yeah. Hell yeah. Both. Uh fuck you guys. I'm cutting it from the podcast. Looks like I never bomb. Hilarious. How how often we we're at a fog cloud? Uh, Ranger, you got any cantrips? Oh, let's see what I got.

SPEAKER_01 20:37

I have.

SPEAKER_02 20:37

Oh, I have control flames, but I can't produce flames. I have firebolt.

SPEAKER_01 20:42

Yeah, I have produced flames. Mage hand. What does this do? A spectra floating hand that appears at a point you choose, and the hand will hand job you for the duration.

SPEAKER_04 20:53

Oh, what if we uh we drive by, but you're casting uh mage hand if you see them, and you're given like a thumbs up to show that we're not conspicuous or anything, like we're good to go. That's a good idea.

SPEAKER_01 21:06

Yeah, yeah, that because that'll throw them off. All right, let's do it. We're driving we're driving yet. Let's get in. Who's driving? You're driving.

SPEAKER_04 21:11

I'm driving. I take off, I go at a moderate pace towards the direction that we saw them take off. What do we see?

SPEAKER_03 21:17

Okay. As you continue onward, the trees start to get more and more dense, the humidity starts to gain more and more humid.

SPEAKER_04 21:26

As you know, more and more humid. Nice.

SPEAKER_03 21:29

Yes, as you continue onward, you reach an opening where you see a vast oasis, you see a pool of water, and in the very center is a rock, a very flat stone, and coiled up on that stone, you see a mermaid just J chillin' on it. And as you continue looking onward, you see to the left of the doughnut esque oasis, you see. A giant 18-wheeler rig that is currently not on, engine not running, and walking towards the mermaid in the center, getting ready to start swimming, is a very scarred, tathered, beat-up cartoon the mare. And as he starts stumbling forward, he removes his shirt to start swimming. And as he removes his shirt, you see around his neck a shining and glistening key. And he dives into the water and starts swimming towards the mermaid.

SPEAKER_04 22:47

Does anybody have anything to fucks with water?

SPEAKER_01 22:50

Yep. First of all, did you guys see that how long that mermaid was? She was coiled up. She's coiled up on that. I've never swimming. I've never seen such a long mermaid.

SPEAKER_05 23:04

It's gotta be the longest one I've ever seen. It's gonna be at least 12 foot up. At least. Now you're Australian.

SPEAKER_04 23:17

That's great. Crikey. Crikey.

SPEAKER_02 23:20

I have create or destroy water. I can destroy. Can I get rid of it while he's in there? And then he's just in the bottom of a big pool.

SPEAKER_01 23:31

Yeah, that he looks like an idiot trying to swim on land. Jokes on him. Uh all I have is firebolt and poison spray. Yeah, I don't have anything. I got mage hand. I didn't uh can I have beast bond.

SPEAKER_02 23:45

I could bond with the bottom half of the mermaid. Yeah, if it's willing.

SPEAKER_01 23:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 23:51

True.

SPEAKER_01 23:51

I can manipulate an object with a mage hand.

SPEAKER_04 23:54

There you go. Oh, to what extent?

SPEAKER_01 23:56

Um, let's see.

SPEAKER_03 23:58

It's like a normal hand.

SPEAKER_01 23:59

Yeah, so anything I want, really.

SPEAKER_04 24:01

Grab him and squeeze him.

SPEAKER_01 24:03

Yeah. The guy or the mermaid? Should I just grab the mermaid by the tail? Oh, cartoon both.

SPEAKER_04 24:08

If you kill cartoon, it's Edgar Allan Pooh. If you kill if you die in the video game, you die in real life. It's it's that fucking Tom Cruise movie.

SPEAKER_01 24:16

That's a good call. I like this. All right, I'm gonna do that. Risky business. Risky business. I want a mage hand and squeeze.

SPEAKER_03 24:25

Okay. How far how far away is Mage Hand like active?

SPEAKER_01 24:30

It says 30 feet. I gotta get closer.

SPEAKER_03 24:36

You'd have to get pretty close. He's so far away that he doesn't notice you guys.

SPEAKER_01 24:40

Oh, so man.

SPEAKER_03 24:42

I'd say you're about like 120, you know, you're about like maybe 50, 60 yards away.

SPEAKER_01 24:46

Okay, I got a plan. I want to create mage hand, and I want the hand to throw me over him, and I will stab him to death. That's just a great idea. Thank you.

SPEAKER_04 24:57

That's a great idea. Ranger, that's that's the smartest thing ever. You know, you could have grabbed him, but like there's a chance he swiggles out. He gets out of there like he's a slippery fish. Yeah, you know what you're doing. You you know what what a grip of a man feels like. You know how to do it right. You know just where to throw yourself. That's smart. I like that.

SPEAKER_01 25:19

I'm pretty good. They don't call me Ranger Danger for nothing. Is this dangerous, you think? It's stupid for sure.

SPEAKER_03 25:26

Ranger.

SPEAKER_01 25:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 25:28

How much do you weigh?

SPEAKER_01 25:30

That's very polite. Yeah, yeah. Come on. Be nice. I don't ask that of you. I'm kind of fluctuating between 144 and 48 lately.

SPEAKER_03 25:39

Okay, 144 or 148. But I'm a half-liver.

SPEAKER_01 25:43

No, I'm just a half elf, so I'm a normal sized person. Sorry, what was your question, Greg?

SPEAKER_03 25:47

How much do you weigh?

SPEAKER_01 25:49

148. No, 144. Yeah, 144, a little bit lighter.

SPEAKER_03 25:52

144, it's a good day today.

unknown 25:54

Okay, good.

SPEAKER_03 25:55

Okay. Go ahead and cast mage hand. Okay, cast. And the size of this n normal hand appears in front of you. What are you having it try to do?

SPEAKER_01 26:06

Wait, normal hand? Like my own sized hand? Yes. No, I was gonna make it a bigger hand. Does it not I assumed it would be whatever size hand I want, right? Does it say?

SPEAKER_03 26:17

You know what, for the sake of this idea, I think this does get to be rewarded. So you can make this hand as big as you want.

SPEAKER_01 26:23

Okay. Nice. So I basically am casting this and I want to pick myself up. Because I only weigh 144, which is actually pretty good for a man my size, half elf my size. And I want it to pick me up and hurl me with accuracy to my desired target.

SPEAKER_03 26:40

I will say, in order for you to do this, because normally mage hands can't carry more than 10 pounds.

SPEAKER_01 26:47

Oh no.

SPEAKER_03 26:48

With for for you to make it bigger and to be able to lift it, you will have to use spell slots in order for you to give this hand enough power to throw it, throw yourself over there.

SPEAKER_01 26:58

How many slots do you want me to stick it to? What do you have? I have two because I used uh detect magic already.

SPEAKER_03 27:04

What level?

SPEAKER_01 27:05

What level of what?

SPEAKER_03 27:06

Oh, first level. What level spell slots? First level. First level? Okay. I would say you would need both level one spell slots. Like the both ones were Okay. So you use all of your spell slots and you take this hand and it grabs you, and you said it want you want it to catapult you.

SPEAKER_01 27:26

Yeah, basically, but with accuracy. Accuracy.

SPEAKER_03 27:29

Yes, with accuracy. Okay, so you want it to trebuchet you over as you trebuchet over this waterfall, you end up right on top of cartoon. You splash down with perfect accuracy.

SPEAKER_01 27:42

Okay, I wanted to pull a weapon before I splash down. Do I have any weapon?

SPEAKER_03 27:45

That's fine. Uh you do. You have any weapon that you have available to you.

SPEAKER_01 27:48

Oh, perfect. Uh I would like to pull my short sword. Okay. Go my scimitar.

SPEAKER_04 27:58

Okay. Oh, because we're in like uh an Arabian type of deal.

SPEAKER_01 28:01

Yeah, yeah. Or ooh, actually, it might be better to pull my bow because that actually does more damage.

SPEAKER_03 28:06

I will say bows are you get disadvantaged to hit when you are at close range.

SPEAKER_01 28:11

Oh, well, how far am I when I'm above him? What's the highest that the hand threw me?

SPEAKER_03 28:16

You know what? I'll say you you with you using two spell slots, you're able to get high. You you get very high if you want to, right above him to use your bow without disadvantage.

SPEAKER_01 28:27

I'm gonna use my bow and shoot him from above and then land on him.

SPEAKER_03 28:31

Okay. Roll to hit with your bow.

SPEAKER_01 28:34

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 28:36

No way.

SPEAKER_01 28:37

Yep. 20. Nailed it.

SPEAKER_04 28:44

Grant's like, uh the podcast just got shortened by five. It did. Ten weeks. It did.

SPEAKER_03 28:52

No, a lot, a lot's gonna happen. Uh okay, Shane. This is very important. Tell me what you do while you're in the air. Because you haven't landed on him yet.

SPEAKER_01 29:05

Have I shot him yet?

SPEAKER_03 29:06

So you shot him.

SPEAKER_01 29:08

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 29:08

How what's your plan here? Like how how have you executed this shot?

SPEAKER_01 29:13

So I I drew an arrow. Very it's it looked really cool. Imagine it in slow motion, but I drew arrow shot him, and I'm in the air. It hit, I assume it hits him. We haven't figured out.

SPEAKER_03 29:22

It does. It 100% hits him.

SPEAKER_01 29:24

I'm asking how how do you want to do this? Uh so as I'm falling, I yell camp park here. Uh because I like that meme. Uh as it's been going around. And uh as I'm falling, uh, you know, I make note of where the arrow is. I don't want to run into that. Uh am I capable of drawing a short sword as I'm falling? Am I allowed to switch? Oh, yeah, it's a mat 20. You can. Okay, so I draw my short sword.

SPEAKER_04 29:51

You can do quite a bit with this shape.

SPEAKER_01 29:52

Yeah, I can. Yeah. Don't you worry. Uh I pull my short sword, which is a perfectly fine size. Uh it glistens in the sun. I put it in my teeth, and then like Travis Pastrana, I uh take my boots off and sling them around like this.

SPEAKER_03 30:10

Is this all while you're falling?

SPEAKER_01 30:13

And I put them back on my feet just because it's a cool thing to do. I rotate in the air, I look back at my bros, my uh my uh my sand dune bros, and uh I go thumbs up. I backflip uh while I'm doing this. Now I'm going like a I'm gonna belly flop. And then right before, right before I hit the water, I do a can opener on his back and shove the blade in uh in his uh spinal column between his head and his back. Damn.

SPEAKER_03 30:53

I'm not even gonna make you roll damage for this.

SPEAKER_01 30:55

Oh, good.

SPEAKER_03 30:56

As you hold the phone, no, I I do need to roll a couple of things here because you're falling. Alright, roll one.

SPEAKER_04 31:09

Oh, look at that asshole. I know, baby. You're talking about Shane or the cat?

SPEAKER_03 31:16

Okay, as you can opener right into this guy's neck with your short sword diving into it, you feel his body go limp as he goes, ah, and that's all he's able to muster before his vocal cries start to become gargled and a gurgled mess of blood and liquid and viscera. And as you as your speed stops as you hit the water and the water slows you down, the crystal clear water starts to get a tainted deeper dark red. As you have done this, the mermaid in the center of the rock springs up, and you notice that this mermaid has an instant look of anger and terror all in one. And as she springs up, she's like full 12 feet, sprung up. Her hair suddenly starts to turn into snakes, and you notice around all the palm trees around you and all the cacti start to dissipate.

SPEAKER_01 32:25

Oh, Jesus.

SPEAKER_03 32:26

As it slowly starts to dissipate, you look down at the body that you have just massacred and pile driven, and it starts to slowly evaporate before you, and the key that was around his neck as you go to grab slowly disappears. And you look back at the 18-wheeler, all three of you, and you see Carn sitting in the cab. That's bullshit, twirling his finger with the key around it. That's all you ever do, Grant.

SPEAKER_04 33:04

It's none of it's real. None of what we ever do is real if you don't want it to be. This is bullshit.

SPEAKER_05 33:09

Hey, Ranger, that was just that was cool, even though it wasn't real.

SPEAKER_03 33:15

The Gorgon. Is it cheese? Gorgon New York. Well, her name is Zola. Uh the the Gorgon looks on all three of you and says, Illusion magic really is the best. Oh, yeah, I forgot about it. And with that, we will end our show. Damn. Fuck you.

SPEAKER_04 33:42

That does it for another episode of Comedy and Dice. Thank you so much for listening. We really appreciate it. If you want to support directly, please check us out on Patreon. That is patreon.com slash comedyand dice. Patreon.com slash comedy, the letter in dice. Thank you to our cast. I have been Tyler Wood playing AIE. We have Grant Janik as our incomparable dungeon master, Shane Smith as Ranger, always in danger, and Mark Brady as John Lake. Thank you to Lisa Corello for playing the narrator, and thank you to DD Spuggers, aka Tim White. You can find him on all social media at DD Spuggers for providing us this wonderful backing music you hear each and every week. A little bit of a short one this week. Everybody was pretty busy, but we were able to carve out some time to meet up on a Discord call because we didn't want to miss a week of bringing you guys your favorite podcast. At least top 10, I hope. Doesn't need to be your favorite. But we really appreciate you listening either way, and we didn't want you to miss out on any of the fun of this Mad Max saga. And get ready because this is just the second of the three May episodes. We have the next one coming to you on May 27th. Don't miss it. We'll see you back here then.

SPEAKER_02 35:03

Did you know it sucked? Uh yeah, I was I was five minutes from your place, and then I saw Shane calling the Discord or some the Discord going off, and I go, oh fuck.

SPEAKER_01 35:13

I almost suggested you just go and do it with Tyler and sit next to him. I almost did.

SPEAKER_02 35:18

I almost was like, I'll just sit next to him and then we can be in the same room.

SPEAKER_03 35:21

But uh he didn't want to hang out with Tyler alone on my birthday.

SPEAKER_02 35:26

I was I was at food line. I was at food line, I was buying cupcakes. I was buying cupcakes for our birthday.

SPEAKER_01 35:32

Now you gotta eat those. Oh no.

SPEAKER_02 35:34

I think I still have the uh hold on.

SPEAKER_01 35:36

Yeah, I bought cupcakes too. You'll never know.

SPEAKER_02 35:45

Anyway.

SPEAKER_04 35:48

No, we can't do it. We can't do it. That's so nice of you.

SPEAKER_02 35:50

But it's the thought, right? It's the thought. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 35:52

I like that he doesn't have the cupcakes anywhere near him. It means the girls already ate.

SPEAKER_02 35:58

Well, they're downstairs. I wasn't gonna bring up here for myself.

SPEAKER_04 36:02

Yeah, Mark doesn't eat like that. He doesn't.

SPEAKER_02 36:06

I was in food line and you and you called, and I go, Well, I don't have to buy cupcakes.