Restaurant Improbable

The side quest stump makes his much anticipated return to test Ranger and Ayahee.

Starring

Tyler Wood as Ayahee

Grant Janik as The DM

Mark Brady as John Lick

Shane Smith as Ranger "Always In" Danger

with Lisa Corrao as The Narrator (@LisaCorrao)

Intro and outro music provided by Tim White @DDSluggers

Follow us on social media @ComedyNDice

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:00

Hi, is this the side quest dump? Uh great. Um yeah, I just uh uh I'm like four XP away from leveling up and I just I need a quick uh side quest.

SPEAKER_04 0:13

You need a side quest, you need a side quest, that's what I'm gonna do.

SPEAKER_03 0:19

Okay, are you gonna give it to me?

SPEAKER_04 0:22

Of course, of course, of course, uh, and you've got the ads. You're talking about total. So we're talking correct ads. It gives me the total. And if you're correct, I'll take you three.

SPEAKER_03 0:51

Hello everyone, and welcome to another episode of Comedy and Dice. My name is Tyler Wood. I play AIE. Anybody else?

SPEAKER_08 0:59

Oh, I'm Shane. I was like, is this which squay does this go around? Uh I'm Shane. I play Ranger Danger, the half elf ranger.

SPEAKER_03 1:08

Uh my name is Grant Janik. I am your DM. DM, of course, stands for Dildo Mammaries or uh Dungeon Master, whichever one you prefer. I'm the world. Oh, Grant, that reminds me I can hear your uh vibrations on recordings. If it's if your ears can hear it, I can hear it. I can't hear it now, so and it's off, it's off the table. So get fucked, liberal. Perfect. Alright, so we are in the middle of the desert still. Yes. We're we're trucking along. Shane, you just uh became conscious again. So well that's great. When we last left off, we all what you remember, Shane, is that AI has now cartoon powers. Oh yeah. And one thing that was happening is you were driving along the desert trying to catch up to that big hole where he went into. All of a sudden you hit something, and then you hit your head against the steering wheel and you blacked out. So as you're coming to, you're looking around, you start to notice, you take a gander, you see John, who is just deciding to take a nap. You guys are taking shifts, and AI is looking at you. AI now has tits. Oh, hell yeah.

SPEAKER_08 2:25

Yeah. Uh all right. So I'm just awake now. Yes, you're awake and AI has tits. What do you do? I like rub my eyes, and uh I imagine because uh, you know, I wasn't there for all the cartoon stuff, but like, you know, my I see my eyes getting big and I'm like, oh my god, look at those. That's exciting, but also that's my friend. That's not an object of my desire. Uh so I go over that. I go, hey, uh, what'd I miss?

SPEAKER_03 2:49

Uh yeah, we uh we went off, we we took care of the cat from uh when we was in the uh the the the snowman, the snow, the the probable uh snowman guy. We took care of his cat, everything's cool over there. That's good, and uh I got gifted this shirt.

SPEAKER_08 3:04

Oh, that's nice. What does it say again?

SPEAKER_03 3:06

Was it it says uh these are two massive honka donkaroo titties, is what they say. Amazing. But you've read you gotta read Braille. Yeah, I'm not doing that. I'm not doing that. Okay.

SPEAKER_08 3:17

Yeah, not good at touching.

SPEAKER_03 3:19

Here's what's crazy though, and I take the shirt off and I give it to give it to you. So when try it on. You take the shirt off. As soon as the shirt comes off, you see more so a shirt that is just made out of pure quartz.

SPEAKER_08 3:32

Oh, this is hard when it's off, soft when it's on.

SPEAKER_03 3:35

It's hard when it's when it's off, and then you're hard when it's on.

SPEAKER_08 3:39

Oh, okay. So I I put this shirt on. I put it on.

SPEAKER_03 3:42

All right, as you put it on, nothing changes to your perception, Ranger. You just look like you're wearing a quartz shirt, but to AI's perception, you now have massive honkers.

SPEAKER_08 3:53

Wow. Uh do I st this feels normal. Do you see anything on your end? What do you got? What do I got going on here?

SPEAKER_03 3:58

Yeah, it looks like you have giant titties. No. You think? Yeah. I know so.

SPEAKER_08 4:03

Oh, okay. I'm taking the shirt off. Taking the shirt off.

SPEAKER_03 4:06

This will be useful, I'm sure, at some point. Oh, f we we've been uh John and I on the way back here from uh our little side quest. We we talked about some things. We we have some plans. Yeah, we have some plans in place.

SPEAKER_08 4:18

All right, all right, all right. Well, so what's the plan now? What do we gotta do? I'm gonna save this thing for later.

SPEAKER_03 4:23

Uh, right as you say that, you hear a voice from behind you. I put the shirt back on. Perfect. A voice from behind you under the buggy, and he it goes, Hi, I'm the side quest dump.

SPEAKER_05 4:34

It's me, the side quest dump.

SPEAKER_03 4:37

Holy shit. All right. That that's who you think it is.

SPEAKER_08 4:40

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 4:40

Uh hey, what's going on? Uh what uh as you turn around you see a little tree stump with a couple of rings around it.

SPEAKER_05 4:50

He's like, Hey, I'm the side quest dump. Wanna go on a little side quest? Cause I'm the side quest dump.

SPEAKER_08 4:57

Uh AI, are you familiar with this stump? Yeah, he's how we he's how he gave me tits.

unknown 5:02

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_03 5:03

And we like this stump? We we no. I wouldn't say that I I like the stump, but he's who got us this uh this quartz shirt, and you know, we we took a little side quest back to one of the chapters we had already completed. Okay. And uh I think I think he maybe wants another one.

SPEAKER_08 5:18

Okay, I'm yeah, what what do you got for us? Well, I'm I'm interested in what side quest you have.

SPEAKER_05 5:23

Which th which chapter do you want to go to? You have a couple of chapters available.

SPEAKER_03 5:29

We have two through seven left. Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_05 5:32

Yeah, you can go to chapter two. You can go to chapter three.

SPEAKER_08 5:38

What's the one that's not the lawyer one? Anything but two. Okay, good. Okay. Uh, because I can't, my brain can't process the lawyer stuff. I'm like, what are we doing again?

SPEAKER_03 5:48

Uh oh, that one, no, it was nothing to do with the lawyer. We just have to go where you least expect. Oh, oh, yeah, yeah. That's that's where the the tear is. And clearly not where I least expect, just go where you're not supposed to. Where you would least expect is an anthill playing Magic the Gathering, because that's also not Magic Pokemon or whatever. No, the where I'd least expect is inside my own asshole. And it wasn't there either. It's like post office number two, my own ass number one, and it turns out it's an anthill.

SPEAKER_08 6:24

Yes. Which uh was on nobody's radar because it was underground. Very punk rock. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. Uh let's I don't want to walk through them. I'm just gonna pick one because I don't remember what they're for. What's hey, Tyler, what do you think is the most fun one?

SPEAKER_03 6:37

Oh, I already did. I got the I kind of picked two last time. Oh, okay. And uh now we're not allowed to go back to chapter one. Okay. Um, like we needed to see uh the fucking uh guy again.

SPEAKER_05 6:49

Yeah, what's your pick one? You can't go back. I'm the Star Quest duck.

SPEAKER_03 6:54

So we we picked that one, then it went to eight. Okay. And uh yeah, we're we're there. So oh man, I mean you were there for all the adventures that I were. What was your favorite one?

SPEAKER_08 7:04

I think I liked six. What was six? The fun the the We had a fun time.

SPEAKER_03 7:08

Uh what was it? Chapter six. Don't tell him. Don't tell him. I want to hear from Ranger why you had so much fun in chapter six.

SPEAKER_08 7:16

Listen, uh, I thought you'd have a memory. I don't remember.

SPEAKER_03 7:18

No, listen. Did you have fun in chapter six, part one, two, three, four, five? Oh shit. Chapter six, return to chapter six, fucking part four, or did you have fun with with the the the compendium uh thereof?

SPEAKER_07 7:31

Oh, so I was it five I like? I think it's five I like.

SPEAKER_03 7:35

Hold on. Let me chapter six. I'm gonna let me hold on, let me tell you what the name of the episode is. Okay, and you tell me if you can figure out what what it's about.

SPEAKER_09 7:47

Good luck. That's all I'm gonna say.

SPEAKER_03 7:49

Okay, I love this. This is awesome. Because I I get creative with these sometimes. Oh, yeah. Chapter six was oh, no. Oh well, it's a it's a combination. Okay, it's chapters five, six, and seven: the past, the present, and the future. Oh, Jesus Christ. Well, I gotta tell you what that was about. The present one. Do you remember what the present was? No. Mine was the past. Okay. Yours was the future. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 8:16

So chapter six is the only one that you guys did not go to. So are you going to chapter six?

SPEAKER_08 8:23

Oh, I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 8:25

Uh yeah, that sounds fun. Okay. Alright. Uh, so you push the sixth ring on the stump, and he goes, All right, time to suck you guys. And you get sucked into the stump as it spins and spins and spins, and then it spits you out, and you land as you look around, you see that there is a bunch of crates around you. You're in a very, very dark room. Dog crates, right? Yeah, dog crates, and you see a hooded figure above, like, behind you, like typing away at a computer. I cast poison spray. Ooh. Uh sure. Okay. Rolled a hit. Poison spray. Rolled a hit. Does an 18 hit. Oh shit. Yeah, an 18 does hit. How much damage? 11. Okay. Uh fuck. Okay. Um It's the first time this has ever worked. Shit. Okay. I've cast poison spray on Edgar Allan Pooh no less than 14 times. Every time we come out of a chapter, a half chapter, or return to a chapter. Can't hit him, but this person, I walk into where they are, their home, and blast them. Just straight blast it. So to set the scene, what happens is the stump spits you guys out, and he's like, Oh right, you're sad quest. And with out as he's the stump is talking, you cast Poison Spray at the shadowy man, you hit the back of his head, which starts to melt and disintegrate into his brain, and you see him just fall over. And the stump goes, What you need to oh my god! Oh are we done? Did I do it?

SPEAKER_05 10:19

Um he he was supposed to give you give you your side quests, so well shit. Let's let's try to figure this out.

SPEAKER_03 10:29

Was he important?

SPEAKER_05 10:30

Oh, he's kinda important.

SPEAKER_03 10:34

Like to to the overall thing or just a side quest?

SPEAKER_05 10:38

A and B. He was pretty important. Yeah. Okay. Well, let's think about this.

SPEAKER_08 10:43

Um, I would like to cast uh Spare the Dying on this. Does this work? Would that work for this creature?

SPEAKER_03 10:52

Well, what does Spare the Dying say?

SPEAKER_08 10:54

Oh, zero hit points, but isn't dead. But this bro is probably dead.

SPEAKER_03 10:58

He's dead. Like this guy is dead, dead. Uh he didn't even go into like saving roles. No, he's super dead. He's he's guy in the chair. Guy in the chair has terrible stats. Like he's he was Mark's like spy dude. Um, that's right. Roll perception. I put on his headset. Oh, um okay. As you put on his headset, you roll perception for me.

SPEAKER_08 11:27

Both of us are the same.

SPEAKER_03 11:28

Each of you can roll perception. Five. An eight. Okay. You see a couple of like the screens he was looking at, it's multiple screens, and they look like security cam footages into bars, and you hear the audio of the security cam footages. I listen closer. Yeah, it's it's just uh security cam footages and whatnot, and the stump is kind of behind you, like, um, okay. Well I isolate the audio on the top left feed. Yeah, so as you isolate the audio on the top left feed, it zooms in so it's less of a clutter and more focused. You are able to determine all of these bars are being ran somewhat poorly. Oh, is this like kitchen nightmares? So there you see some servers like drinking behind the bar uh in the in the top left one. There's some servers draking behind the bar. Alright, what do we do?

SPEAKER_08 12:32

I don't know. I feel like we gotta get you think each one of these is a side quest, each one of these different cameras? You think it's a we just need to.

SPEAKER_03 12:38

So there are four cameras total. So top left, top right, bottom left, bottom right. I start going through the guy's pockets. Uh okay. You go through his pockets and you're able to find a ledger, and inside the ledger has bar one, bar two, bar three, bar four, and it shows earnings of each of those bars, and you see that his earnings are steadily going down.

SPEAKER_08 13:08

Ooh.

SPEAKER_03 13:09

Okay. It for each of the bars. Who whose earnings? You assume it's the guy you killed. Okay. I look at the side quest stump and I go, what do we do here?

SPEAKER_05 13:18

Technically speaking, you were supposed to save this guy's bars and he was gonna reward ya.

SPEAKER_08 13:24

Okay. Well who's who's who's next in line, like in his will, who's getting this next?

SPEAKER_05 13:29

Well, shit, I don't know. I think I um fuck. I don't know. I just I just I just deliver the news. Um, I'll tell you what though, if you save at least like three of the four bars, I'll let you get the item that he was gonna give you. I'm the side quist.

SPEAKER_03 13:47

Okay, alright. Sounds good. Yeah. Yeah, that's that's good enough to me. Um I uh do you want to go to the to the first bar where those uh girls are drinking?

SPEAKER_08 13:55

Yeah, do we have the addresses? Are they can we do we need that?

SPEAKER_03 13:59

Oh, I I think we just go outside and find the giant sign that says bar number one. Yeah, that's that's the name of the bar is bar number one.

SPEAKER_08 14:06

Perfect, perfect. Yeah, let's do that. We walk outside and look for bar number one.

SPEAKER_03 14:10

You find it, it's like uh all you walk out the door and you see right across the street bar one, bar two, bar three, and bar four all next to each other.

SPEAKER_08 14:22

Yeah, let's just walk into bar one. Let's check it out.

SPEAKER_03 14:24

All right, as you walk into bar one, you are seeing a bunch of people drinking behind the bar, like taking shots and shots and shots. Uh, it's kind of a dive bar situation. So, you know, not very much decoration, kind of fluorescent lights. They're drinking out of plastic cups, not glasses. Kind of rinky dink. Hey, this place is uh there I say rinky dink.

SPEAKER_08 14:48

Yeah, I was thinking of the same thing. And now that's not something I normally say about places, but I we're what we probably mind melded before we walked in here.

SPEAKER_03 14:55

Yeah, I was thinking uh, you know, usually I'd be like derelict, but no, this place is uh straight up a rinky dink. It's like a little roller rink. Is that where that comes from? Uh baby rinks? Yeah, rinky and then uh the dinkies are the uh they're they're the little uh the little fairy guys that are uh around all the the skating rinks. Hey, uh who's in charge here? Do you say that out loud, or are you just yeah like how do you are you going like who's in you just walked in and shouted? Yeah, who's in charge here? You you that goes out to the void, you see a couple people not even pay attention to you. No one pays attention to you. Oh who's drinking? Can you describe them? Yeah, so there are two servers behind the bar. They're both dragonborn that are just drinking and getting pretty wasted. There is a gentleman, he is a human, he is over on the bar and he is also drinking a bunch of drinks. And those are the only three currently out in front of you.

SPEAKER_08 15:54

I walk up to the you say as a human? Yeah. Yeah, I'm gonna walk up to the human. And I'm like, uh hey, bud. Do you know who's in charge?

SPEAKER_02 16:03

Uh it would be me. I am the bar manager.

SPEAKER_08 16:06

Okay, what's your name? Uh, Tim. Tim. Listen, Tim. Hey, we uh we saw your bar is kind of doing kind of shitty. We'd love to help you out. Is there anything we can do to help out? We're both he's a financier. So we know what we're talking about.

SPEAKER_02 16:18

Uh I'm the fanciest. The bar is doing fine. I think the far's the bar is doing great.

SPEAKER_08 16:25

Um you know, I think this guy's wasted.

SPEAKER_03 16:28

Should we kill him? I mean, might as well. I'm I'm having I'm just having a day. And I'm not really I'm not really wanting to put up with anybody today. So I get it. I get it. I think if we just got a clean house, yeah, I agree. It's gonna be much easier to start from the top. We could go through the whole thing where we like fire them. Right. But, you know, uh, depending on whether this is a an at-will state, uh you know, we gotta go through a whole thing with contracts. So I think it's easier we just off them. I agree start from the bottom up.

SPEAKER_08 16:57

Yeah, I think you're right. I think it because we're gonna get through it faster that way. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 17:02

You uh you take the two dragonborns, and I'll kill the human.

SPEAKER_08 17:06

What? No, I think it should be reversed for sure.

SPEAKER_03 17:09

Oh, no, no, I know what to do. I know what to do. What is it? I go, hey, you know what? We're gonna take over for you guys. We you're gonna have the rest of the day off paid. You're gonna go home, you're gonna drive home right now in a horse-drawn carriage, and we are gonna take over the rest of the bar. Does that sound alright? Oh shit. Uh roll perception. Roll it with advantage because he's pretty drunk. Okay, with advantage, I go, oh, I got a uh 12. Okay, that will work.

SPEAKER_02 17:43

Uh he goes, Ah, alright. I mean, fuck, somebody give me my keys. That's what I call the whip for the horse on the carriage.

SPEAKER_03 17:53

I find the whip on the wall, hand it to him, and then I walk him out to the carriage, and I go, Hey, you though, you got the rest of the day off. As a matter of fact, you got a bonus. Oh, uh, the two dragonborn, they're like, oh, really? Oh, love that. And I walk them outside to the carriage. I assume he's mumbling and fumbling as we're going.

SPEAKER_06 18:17

He's stumbling over, getting into his I'll drive you home. I'll drive you. You're in clearly no shape to drive other drive you home.

SPEAKER_03 18:24

And then as he gets inside, I I look underneath towards the uh the brake cables, and I spray poison spray. Well, it's not acid, but I have a question. So uh this is a horse-drawn carriage. Yeah. The brakes are the horse's legs.

SPEAKER_08 18:44

No, didn't they have brakes?

SPEAKER_03 18:46

I don't know. In this, I was imagining there are brakes. Fuck it. I'll give you I'll give you no brakes.

SPEAKER_08 18:51

I bet they had brakes on the wagon because they would have to like sometimes slower down faster to make those horses do their bidding.

SPEAKER_03 18:57

I guess. Alright. I'll give you that. That makes sense. Hold on. I I typed in brakes on wagons question mark, and uh the uh the term wagon brakes refers to braking mechanisms used either on motorized vehicles like Jeep Wagoneers, horse-drawn wagons, or mobile scenery platforms in theater. All right, I'll I'll give you brakes. Are they now poisoned? Because I've I sprayed poison spray on them. I've been using this like it's assuming.

SPEAKER_09 19:22

The brakes are poisoned.

SPEAKER_03 19:24

They're poisoned. Great, they're gonna die eventually. Uh and then while I've sprayed is the is my my poison spray isn't corrosive, is it? Uh it's I say it can be for comedic effect because it did corrode the one guy's brain. So while I'm at it, I'm just gonna take my sword and and cut the brake wire also. Yeah, that's easy. Just for good measure. Yeah, that's just in case you got that. Yeah. Okay. And I go, you guys, we're gonna see you here bright and early tomorrow, and you're doing a great job, and we're gonna see you then.

SPEAKER_02 19:56

Uh sure. Fine. Here we go. Yeah, and the horse kind of starts trotting along.

SPEAKER_03 20:03

That was easy. Good job. I I cut my hand to my ear to listen for the calamity I'm sure is to follow. Where are you when you do this? Uh, right where I left him. Are you st so are you still outside though? Yes. All right. You see the horse drawn carriage run straight through the wall of bar number two. So now this is good. I wanted an open concept eventually between all the world. So this is helping me get there.

SPEAKER_08 20:29

Yeah, we do a nice pergola with vines in between. Yes.

SPEAKER_03 20:32

So the horse is dead. The three members that were in there are dead. Good. There's nobody in bar one, and bar two now has a giant hole in it. I go into bar two. What do we see? As you walk into bar two, you see a whole bunch of rats running out of the hole.

SPEAKER_08 20:51

Uh, are they like are they big rats or are they normal rats? They're normal rats. Okay. I was like, is this like a Disney situation?

SPEAKER_03 20:59

And as you walk in, you see that this place is so uncleanly that there is mold growing on the sides of the walls. There are mushrooms sprouting. You go and you can examine like drinks that are open on the table, have fruit flies in them. It is unhygienic to a tea. And you see nobody drinking. You they're just at empty they're at empty tape, not empty tables, but the tables have nothing on them. There's just customers sitting there, not even wanting to order. And they all have their feet hiked up because the mice were apparently under them. And then there is uh one bartender, a human bartender, behind the bar, and there is a back office. That is the doors closed.

SPEAKER_08 21:45

I uh I walk up to the bar kicking kicking rats out of my way as I go. I assume. And I walk up to the bartender, I go, Did you excuse me, do you guys know you have a rat problem?

SPEAKER_01 21:55

That we did, but they all ran out that hole.

SPEAKER_08 21:58

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_03 22:00

Sounds like we've we solved this one.

SPEAKER_08 22:01

Yeah, nice. Oh yeah. Well, cool. That's that was my only question. I'm just glad that one was solved.

SPEAKER_03 22:06

Yeah, do you want a drink?

SPEAKER_08 22:08

Uh sure. Yeah, I'll take a drink.

SPEAKER_03 22:10

Okay. What do you want?

SPEAKER_08 22:11

I want what's what are those chocolate martinis or everyone's getting that's so annoying. Call it coffee martinis or whatever.

SPEAKER_03 22:16

No, one of those coming right up. And they turn around, they start pouring and making it, they hand it back to you, and there are like dead fruit flies in the glass that they gave you.

SPEAKER_08 22:27

Okay. Thank you. Uh thanks. I don't tip. Uh okay. So I think we got this one. It'll take them a bit to get back on their feet, right?

SPEAKER_03 22:36

Oh, uh well, maybe let's uh do do you are you the manager? Uh uh no, I'm just the bartender. The manager's uh in the office. Oh, in the office. Oh yeah, I forgot about the office. Let's go uh let's go see what's going on over there. I go knock on the door. Yeah, you knock on the door and it opens up. It's not a big office. Uh as they open the door, you see a short little gnome look up at you and go, hello.

SPEAKER_00 22:57

What's what's wrong? Why is this place so dirty? Why what do you mean it's dirty? I I don't it's I I swear we just cleaned it yesterday.

SPEAKER_08 23:05

Do you want to or should I? I mean you you can. I I don't like when people lie to me. Clearly he's lying. You know, you know, so I might lose my temper. It's probably best for you to do it.

SPEAKER_03 23:14

Oh, I I think you don't you don't even know what I was gonna do, do you? Kill him.

SPEAKER_08 23:17

Were you gonna kill him?

SPEAKER_03 23:18

I was gonna kill him, yeah.

SPEAKER_08 23:19

Yeah, but I don't want to do it angrily. I want to do it because it's my job, not because I'm invested, you know.

SPEAKER_03 23:23

I unsheath my hand axe, and I uh like I'm driving a giant railroad spike, I like with a sledgehammer, I slam it down onto the top of the gnome's head. Roll the hit. That is a 17. That hits, roll your damage. Nice. That is an eight. Okay, with eight, you the axe swings down and gets buried into his skull, and you go to pick your axe up out of his head, but it's so far lodged in there that he just lifts up dead, lifeless with your axe. So now he's just hanging and swinging from it. You ever chopped wood? Me? Who, me? Either of you. Ever chopped wood? Yes.

SPEAKER_08 24:11

Not well.

SPEAKER_03 24:12

Yeah, so whenever that happens, you know what you do? You just like lift it up and then you slam it back down into the ground again to see if the log will fully split. As you bring it back down, it does he splits in two. He is split straight down the middle. We're talking King Solomon style from the Bible, just straight down the middle. Meanwhile, the other patrons No no, please, my my gnome, don't kill my gnome. Yeah, the other patrons have ran out of the bar, including the bartender. This bar is empty once they saw like a murder. Oh, I assume there weren't people in there. No, there were- I told you there was people sitting there, tables were like nothing on the tables, but there were patrons there just not drinking anything, and then there was the bartender. Oh, you see, this is a good thing. We don't want those patrons anyway. If they're willing to eat a place like this, I don't want them here. So now the bar is empty. Good. On the bar number three. Here we go. Problem solved. Okay. So you walk into the third bar and you see it is a beer garden. So there is a whole bunch of taps at the back wall, kind of behind the bar. You see more of a wooden atmosphere, kind of orange lighting, a little bit more hearthy, more homey, just inviting. And when you walk in, you see that they are also serving food. So what do you do? Who's in charge here? Uh somebody meets you at the front and goes, Hello, my name is Rhonda. Can we just can we just sit wherever?

SPEAKER_00 25:45

Yeah, sit wherever. Wherever you like. Can I get you guys some menus?

SPEAKER_03 25:49

No, I sit on top of the bar. Okay. You sit on top of the bar. She's like, Oh right, that's fun.

SPEAKER_08 25:56

Uh all right, yeah, I'll sit, I'll sit on top of the bar too. I sit up right next to him. I was like, uh, do you make uh chocolate martinis? Uh we're a beer garden, so no. So no, okay. I'll take a hefeweizen, please.

SPEAKER_03 26:09

Yeah. Uh she goes and starts pouring you the uh beer and she gives you the foamyest beer you have ever seen. Oh, I love these kinds. Thanks. Thanks for the foam. Appreciate that. Yeah, like this is about like seven eighths foam.

SPEAKER_08 26:26

Okay. Well, uh, I'm not gonna order again because this feels wrong. Uh do you like foamy beer at all? AI? No. No, I can't say what I do. Okay. All right.

SPEAKER_03 26:35

Well, I uh you know what I would want though? Huh. Can we get some fucking menus? And I snap my fingers. Rhonda comes back and she's like, I listen, I thought you I offered you menus. Here you go. And it's menus that it's just one-sided, and they have nachos, they have a pulled pork, they have a steak, and they have mozzarella sticks. Let me get you a finest steak. Okay, how would you like that cooked? Medium rare. Okay, anything for you? And she looks at you, Ranger. Uh, chicken tenders, please.

SPEAKER_00 27:12

Oh, oh, we don't have any chicken tenders. I'm very sorry.

SPEAKER_08 27:16

Uh I'll do a steak.

SPEAKER_00 27:20

Steak. How would you like that cooked?

SPEAKER_03 27:22

Well done, please. Well done and medium rare. All right.

SPEAKER_00 27:26

I'll go ahead and put those in.

SPEAKER_03 27:28

Thank you. And you see her walk back behind the bar. There's a door that swings into. You hear a bunch of like kitchen noises. Presumably your orders in. Yeah, this place is nice. This place is nice. Yeah, I go, hey, hey Rhonda, come here. Oh, Rhonda comes from the back. She's like, hey! What's wrong with this place? Yeah. Do you truthfully want to know? Fucking what do you think? I've of some type of like troll? I wouldn't speak in riddles. I wouldn't trust the food here. Oh no. Oh, why is that? Uh you know, I just I just wouldn't trust the food, is all. That's the whole thing. Yeah, that's uh yeah. This is all consumables.

SPEAKER_00 28:14

But no, there's beer. Is the beer alright? Uh it's it's foamy. The kegs haven't been changed in like a year. How is there beer left?

SPEAKER_03 28:25

Well, we just pour beer into the old keg.

SPEAKER_00 28:30

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_09 28:31

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 28:31

Yeah, we get a vat and we pour it into the keg.

SPEAKER_08 28:36

This sounds like a perpetual motion machine. I don't think this is real.

SPEAKER_03 28:39

It sounds like a uh perpetual stew kind of too. Yeah, oh yeah, yeah. This is always just bubble in a way.

SPEAKER_01 28:44

Yeah, all the beer tastes the same.

SPEAKER_03 28:48

Um okay, so uh how do you guys have regular customers? Oh, I mean, we uh don't have any regulars, we just kind of get one and duns. Do they die?

SPEAKER_08 29:01

Not on property. Oh no, okay. Hey, this place is a mess. Do we just do our regular thing?

SPEAKER_03 29:08

All right. Rhonda, is the is the manager here reasonable? Uh well I'm the I'm the manager. I'm Rhonda. Okay, yeah, let's try this. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 29:17

I'm the manager, I'm Rhonda.

SPEAKER_03 29:21

I'm facless. Okay, Rhonda, you you obviously um you're the one in charge here. Well, I mean, yeah, I'm not the owner, but yeah, I'm the manager here. Yeah, but but you know, you you're you're in charge of changing things if they need to be changed and things aren't changing. Well, I mean, I guess, but you know, just to have- You don't care? Uh I of course I care. It's my livelihood. I'm Rhonda. Well, Rhonda, we need to make some changes here. Okay. Um I'm I'm all ears. I'm ready to listen. No, you're Rhonda. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm all ears, I'm Rhonda. Okay, Rhonda. Uh, this can go one of two ways. Either we're gonna kill you, oh, or you come up with a reasonable plan in about 10 minutes when we get back from bar number four on how to turn this business around.

SPEAKER_01 30:10

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 30:10

Alright, we're gonna be right back. Okay. Let's head to bar number four.

SPEAKER_01 30:13

You'll be my first return customers. Do you want your food still? No.

SPEAKER_03 30:19

I assume it won't be out until we get back.

SPEAKER_01 30:23

They do take quite a while. You would be waiting for like an hour for your food if you just sat and waited.

SPEAKER_08 30:28

They cook it on low temperature, so they keep it medium rare.

SPEAKER_01 30:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 30:32

Uh so you walk next door to bar four, and you walk in, and you hear a bunch of sea shanty music, and you look around, there's a whole bunch of pirate decor, and all of the wait staff are dressed like pirates. Except they have like an open kitchen where you can see into it, and there's only one chef in the back, and the chef is not wearing pirate decor. I already see the problem. There are nobody there are no customers here. All right, Ranji, you see the problem, you fix it.

SPEAKER_08 31:05

Uh I don't know if I want to fix it, but I'm just I'm I'm good at pointing things out. Do you notice that the guy cooking isn't really into pirate stuff? I think that's a problem. There's no love in the food. I bet that's the problem.

SPEAKER_03 31:16

I see. Yeah, he's gonna he's gotta really embody being a pirate to make authentic pirate food. Yeah, I would I would assume. Like like what?

SPEAKER_08 31:25

Uh coconuts, oranges, grilled sea bass, and uh I'm sure there's some cocaine in there. I don't know what pirates did.

SPEAKER_03 31:35

Those were four things. They were.

SPEAKER_08 31:41

All right, cool. I I'm gonna let you steer this one. Okay, here we go. Okay. Uh is there anybody sitting in here? Or is it you said it was empty?

SPEAKER_03 31:48

It is empty aside from the wait staff.

SPEAKER_08 31:50

Okay. I go I walk up to the first wait person, I see, and I go, uh, hey, who's who's the second shift cook?

SPEAKER_00 31:59

Arthur be no second shift cook here on the high seas.

SPEAKER_08 32:05

Okay. You just have one cook then?

SPEAKER_00 32:07

RC.

SPEAKER_08 32:08

And your hours? Your hours are what?

SPEAKER_00 32:10

Oh what, 24-7.

SPEAKER_03 32:13

Okay. Well, did you just did you just say RC? Yes. Did you just answer in Spanish? He did. No, he was referencing like where pirates live. I didn't want to kill everybody here, but they're oh man. Yeah, we may have to.

SPEAKER_08 32:30

We may have to. Okay, so yeah, he's just he doesn't want to cook. Uh there's no second shift. I guess.

SPEAKER_00 32:37

Oh, he'll he'll cook.

SPEAKER_08 32:39

Okay, is he good though?

SPEAKER_00 32:42

He's subpar.

SPEAKER_08 32:44

Okay. Uh, I think we're just gonna have to kill everybody on this thing.

SPEAKER_00 32:50

I think we're gonna have to kill everybody at this one.

SPEAKER_03 32:52

I think it's just like do you think the problem could be that everybody's a little too into pirate stuff?

SPEAKER_08 32:59

Oh, oh, so the opposite. The opposite of what I was thinking. Oh.

SPEAKER_03 33:04

Would you like to place a fucking order or no?

SPEAKER_08 33:07

Oh, sure, sure, sure. Oh, no. They're Irish.

SPEAKER_03 33:14

Uh I'd like an orange, please. Okay. Is that on the what's on the menu? Well, there's surprisingly, an orange is there, but you can also we have grog. We have your finest grog and a rum. We are rum specialized. It's more of a drinking place, I guess. Yes. We do have bar food. It's coconuts and we have coconuts, we have oranges, we have grilled sea bass, and we have cocaine. Those are the four things you can order from our bar. Where are you from? All over tortuga. Arrrrr. Alright, what's wrong with the with this restaurant, would you say?

SPEAKER_00 33:54

Nothing. It's perfect. We just don't get enough customers who love pirates. Are you the manager? No, I'm I'm I'm Tum.

unknown 34:05

Tum.

SPEAKER_08 34:06

Hey Tum, can you get can you get us the manager, Tum, or do you make the decisions?

SPEAKER_00 34:10

No, no, I'll I can get you the manager. Sure. Sure. Thank you. Uh let me go to the captain's quarters.

SPEAKER_03 34:16

And they walk away, and you see a very old woman step out, also dressed in pirate gear, and she goes, Avast!

SPEAKER_08 34:27

Is that how they say hello? Avast. Oh yeah, yeah. Hey, Avast. Avast as well to you. Ah, how can I be of service? Uh this place this place kind of sucks, right?

SPEAKER_03 34:40

Whoa, I think it's lovely.

SPEAKER_00 34:42

Everybody loves pirates.

SPEAKER_08 34:44

What do you think of the chef? You think he's a good guy? He's not into pirate stuff? I don't know. I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 34:49

The chef, I mean, is is I I he could be more, you know, into the whole pirate thing. Like we all are here, but he just is only more focused on the customers.

SPEAKER_03 35:02

Oh, qualifies you to run this place? Pardon? What qualifies you to run this place? Do you speak fucking English? I'm a I I love pirates. I'm a pirate. I love pirates. Well, that was your answer to what qualifies you. Yes, I love pirates. What happens when a pirate is not living up to what they need to be doing? They're into the bargain on the on the the high seas. Oh, they walk the plank, of course. And what would you say is your mission as the main pirate in charge of this ship? Uh, to plunder everyone's booty, i.e., get their money. How's business? Oh, bad. Have you done your job? Well, here's the thing. At that moment, I take out my great axe and chop her head off. Okay, roll the hit. Oh, will a 13 do? A 13 will hit. Roll your damage. That is an eight. She is also decapitated. Oh, wow. So her head flops on the floor. All the pirates, people dressed as pirates. Flop onto the bar. It flops onto the bar. All the pot people dressed as pirates start to cheer. The only person that screams and runs out is the cook who just dips the floor. Alright, we might have been on to something. They are just kind of into the pirate thing, like to a tee a little too much. I'm I this is what I'm thinking. And I I go up to the guy that's obviously the second in command. I give him her head. Yeah. And I go, on the first mate. Yeah, hold hold this for a second. Let's go back to the third bar. Okay. Sure. You go back to the third bar, walking, it's more of a warm atmosphere, and uh Rhonda looks at you. She's like, Oh, you're back. Uh your stakes are almost ready. They're they're just the finishing touches. I don't think that's what Rhonda sounded like. I'm Rhonda. There you go.

SPEAKER_01 37:01

I tried to give Rhonda not a feminine voice because you know, women women don't talk like this. So it's true.

SPEAKER_03 37:09

That's how side quest stumps talk. That's right. I'm the side quest stump, and I'm Rhonda. All right, Rhonda, what's that what's that PowerPoint? Well, it's there's no PowerPoint, but I do have a to-do list because we don't have anything that utilizes the capable projection technology here. Okay. So first things first, we're gonna get new actual kegs so that the flavor can be maintained. That's our first goal. Second goal is gonna be customer retention, right? So we're all gonna be about customer service coming in up at the front. We're gonna make sure that everything tastes. I shoot a look at Ranger.

SPEAKER_08 37:43

I don't know. It sounds good, it sounds like they've done their research. Sounds like a bunch of talk to me. You think?

SPEAKER_03 37:49

Hmm. It doesn't seem actionable. Well, I'll tell you what. Yeah, maybe not. See, judge it by your stakes. Because it seems like your stakes are ready. So a waiter comes out and brings your steaks, and let me just roll for how these steaks are. I mean, she's talking about like getting new kegs. I don't know why she needs like the threat of death to get that rolling. Yeah, that's weird, right? You're right. So, Ranger, you get your steak and it is perfectly well done. Like it is garnished beautifully. It has like a side of mashed potatoes. It looks like a five-star restaurant level steak. AI, you get your steak and it is burnt. It is like a hockey puck. There is no garnish. There, it is just like disgusting. Chard, flat, it's no fat, all bone. Like it's not even on a plate. They gave it to you in a bowl. Like, it is disgusting. I look down at the steak and then slowly up at Rhonda. That's how you ordered it, right? And then over at Ranger.

SPEAKER_08 39:00

Um, you can have some mind. You want some just have some mind. You know, it's probably not a big deal. You know, sometimes they mess up orders.

SPEAKER_03 39:06

What you got the hearts for or something?

SPEAKER_08 39:07

No, no, but I want when we kill them to be a surprise. Oh. You're gonna kill me? I'm Ronda.

SPEAKER_03 39:14

You heard that? With kindness. With kindness.

SPEAKER_01 39:18

Okay, that's that's actually step four of my plan for uh making this bar better is to kill them with kindness. I'm Rhonda.

SPEAKER_08 39:25

Of course. I thought this thing would be solved and there'd be like balloons and shit.

SPEAKER_03 39:29

Hey Rhonda. Yeah, and then I toss my hard hockey puck steak at her head like a frisbee. I go, eat this. Ah. She goes, Well, actually, this doesn't seem also very apat- Oh! Oh! I would love a chance to redo your steak. Willing to change. Asking me to allow her to fix this problem instead of oh my god, I'm so sorry. I can't even believe we sent this out of the kitchen. I will make this up to you, grabbing the plate and going in the back. She goes, This looks like shit. Want a different one? Yeah, it's that's Rhonda. I would love the chance to make this up to you. Ranger, your thoughts.

SPEAKER_08 40:15

Um, I'm cool with my steak. You don't you don't always have to eat it every meal. Close, I'm gonna kill you too. I know.

SPEAKER_03 40:26

Uh I look in my bag and I I start looking at all the uh the weapons I have in there, and I uh I take out my hand axe and I look at it, and I look at her and I go, no, I put that back in. I take out my great axe, I look at her, I go, no, I put it back in. What is she doing? Oh, she's just going like, oh, I can I get an answer to your question or to my question? I'd love can I can I make you a new one? Take me to the chef. Um, I can bring the chef out here. Is that fine with you? Is that what I fucking asked? Well, uh, it's only employees only behind there. So since you were not in a What you afraid a good idea might get in? No, no, no, no, no. It's not that. It's just I had to, you know, for sanitary reasons, we have to keep customers. Customers. Yeah, sanitary reasons. We have to keep the. Does this look sanitary to you? And I hold up the steak. It it it does. It looks burnt, so all the bacteria would have come off of it. I storm into the kitchen. Okay, as you storm into the kitchen, you see one chef who has eight arms, and whenever he's cooking something, he chops off his arm and puts it on a grill, and then another arm like grows out from where it's at. So this cook is just cooking himself and regrowing himself.

SPEAKER_07 41:49

Hey, you're not supposed to be back here. What the fuck are you?

SPEAKER_03 41:56

Whoa, I'm the chef. Get out of here. What are you you're chopping off your own arms? Hey! And then Rhonda comes back and she's like, Oh, um, uh I push her back out.

SPEAKER_01 42:10

Oh!

SPEAKER_03 42:11

Hey, you can't push Ronda. Answer my questions. Right. I was sent here by your boss. You know your boss? Oh, but Rhonda's my boss. The other one, the above her. Oh, corporate, okay. Corporate, I was sent here by corporate. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 42:27

What you asked? Why are you chopping off your arms, goddammit? Oh, that's what they pay me to do. What are you? Oh, I'm uh I'm Sid. From Monsters Inc.

SPEAKER_08 42:38

Is that what this is from?

SPEAKER_01 42:39

From Toy Story?

SPEAKER_08 42:41

Toy Story? No, it's different, Sid.

SPEAKER_01 42:44

I can't ask that a lot, though.

SPEAKER_03 42:46

I'm just a guy that comes in, does my gab and go home. I while he's yapping, I go over to him, grab him by the back of the head. Punch him in the stomach. Ugh, hey. Does he kind of double over? Yeah. And then I push his head onto the flat top. So that it starts to sizzle. Ouch.

SPEAKER_05 43:08

Ouchy, ouchy.

SPEAKER_03 43:10

And then I pull his head back and I go, What are you? I'm literally just saying. I put his head back in the middle. I roll it around so the whole thing is getting a nice even trunk. Ranger, um, kind of just pisses me off he's not answering my questions. Uh, I'm good to do this for another uh 20 minutes to an hour if you don't have any other ideas.

SPEAKER_08 43:34

No, no, I think that I think we should uh cut him loose uh from the neck.

SPEAKER_03 43:39

Oh, okay. And then as his head is like, wait a minute. I pull his head up. Try your steak. Do you like it?

SPEAKER_08 43:47

Uh okay, I take my steak. Take a bite. It is delicious.

SPEAKER_03 43:52

It's good.

SPEAKER_08 43:53

It's good. So he can actually cook a steak. He can. He can do it.

SPEAKER_03 43:58

I'm gonna ask you this one more time. Yeah. What type of thing are you? What is your race? What are you called? I'm an I am known as an amoeba. That's gross. We're eating like bacteria.

SPEAKER_01 44:14

It tastes like meat though. It's you know, grated, it's cooked to temp.

SPEAKER_03 44:21

It's it's safe to eat. Is this like commonplace for people to chop your arms off and and like make them into stuff? How what is the ch what is the sea bass? Don't tell me this is the sea bass, because that's mislabeling. That's one of my legs.

unknown 44:36

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 44:37

And then I chop it to look like a sea bass. Alright, Ranger, this is where I'm at. I'm extremely frustrated. Yeah, I think with how these uh these people speak to me.

SPEAKER_01 44:49

Dude, I'm answering your questions. I just work a nine to five.

SPEAKER_03 44:52

I've put his head back on the grill. They're rude, they interrupt me, they don't answer my questions.

SPEAKER_08 44:58

This is true.

SPEAKER_03 45:00

But he's like an unlimited meat machine. Oh, yeah. The food, if it's cooked well, comes out good. It tastes good. It does taste great. It's great. So what I'm thinking is we tie him up.

SPEAKER_08 45:15

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 45:15

We chop off his arms as needed. That's the uh, you know, the unlimited uh meat factory for whatever this thing is gonna be. Um and uh yeah, we kind of we kind of go from there on regrouping everything else. What do you think?

SPEAKER_08 45:30

I think that works because you know, uh I think it could offer supplemental income, and really we don't really have to do much, you know. Uh thing is a good investment.

SPEAKER_03 45:39

Okay. I want to tie him up and put him in the freezer.

SPEAKER_01 45:42

Yeah. He's like, hey! Oh man, am I gonna get paid?

SPEAKER_03 45:47

Alright. Uh we leave. Uh what is Rhonda, she's still there? Cast Firebolt.

unknown 45:56

Ah!

SPEAKER_03 45:57

Okay. Rolled a hit. Eleven. That hits. One ouch! And I look at my hand, I kind of shake it, I cast firebolt again. Okay. Fifte. That hits. And eight. Oh, Rhonda dies. Rhonda burns to a crisp. She's like, ah! Oh, look, it's my steak. Hey. No, I wasn't gonna. I wasn't gonna. Alright, back to the pirates.

SPEAKER_01 46:29

Yeah, you walk back to bar four.

SPEAKER_08 46:32

I love that there's just uh holes and doors everywhere we need to go.

SPEAKER_01 46:36

Nothing has changed. They're just still there at the pirates.

SPEAKER_03 46:40

Arrr. Who is ready for a change? Are we plundering more booty? Hey, I'm sorry, are you are you paid to ask me fucking questions? I don't get paid. I do this for the love of the game. And if you don't want to be killed, you will shut the fuck up. Do you understand? Oh, you shouldn't talk to a pirate like that. And I look at the rest of the pirates and I give them a knowing glance. They are ready to you can tell that they're ready to back up this first mate who is now their captain. Hey, you know what? Maybe I read the read the scene a little wrong, fellas. I apologize. Apologize.

SPEAKER_08 47:19

That's a good shot, though. It was worth a shot.

SPEAKER_03 47:21

No, it's uh I pull Ranger aside so that none of them can hear, and I go, these mutinous fucks. I was about to bring them in on the best money-making scheme they'd ever heard in their life. We were gonna overhaul all four of these restaurants into one big one.

SPEAKER_08 47:37

Oh man, yeah, that's right. They would have made so much money, they would have got a piece of that pie.

SPEAKER_03 47:41

They would have gotten a piece of that pie, but no, they want to sit here and they want to play pirate. Are we saying this? Is he saying this loud enough for them to hear? No, I specifically pulled you aside so they couldn't hear.

SPEAKER_08 47:50

Oh, because if they heard that, they might get on board. They'd be like, oh, we missed out on an opportunity.

SPEAKER_03 47:55

Oh, no, because this that was right before the second half where I go, I'm gonna fucking kill each and every one of them. Oh, okay. My bad. Uh how many are there? Uh I would say there are four, including the first mate. Ooh. That's a lot less than I thought it was. I don't know, Shane. Do you think we should take a more reasonable approach to this and maybe use them for hard labor?

SPEAKER_08 48:17

What uh what do we need done, I guess?

SPEAKER_03 48:20

We need to I I assume they're made like townhomes where ever like the structure stretches across all four buildings and we could like knock out walls and make like openings into all of them so that they become one. And that would cut down on on costs. Uh, we need to cut down on the overhead of four businesses if you condense it into one. Oh, right, and uh less staff uh for each one. We don't need four manager salaries. I mean we've chopped those in half at least. Right.

SPEAKER_08 48:51

Yeah. I say we keep them and uh if they'll uh bow to our needs.

SPEAKER_03 48:55

You've killed all three you've killed uh every manager, by the way. Oh yeah, the users. Yeah. Okay. Shane, uh, excuse me, range it. Uh I'll know where Shane came from. Range it. I don't know either. Yeah. Uh I'm a little I'm a little I'm a little frustrated. I say this aloud enough for everyone to hear. I'm a little frustrated. And I uh you know I don't want to get uh out of sorts here with my anger, so why don't you try to uh reason with these imbeciles?

SPEAKER_08 49:21

Sure, sure. Uh hey, fellas. Hey. R yes. Oh sorry, I was waiting for the three. There's four of them.

SPEAKER_03 49:28

Yeah, they said that all in unison.

SPEAKER_08 49:30

Okay, I was gonna say, I was like, I'm waiting for the other three and all be different accents. Uh but that might be a bit much. Uh R, R, R, R. No, uh uh listen, hey, we're we're looking for some workers. If you're interested in joining us, we pay handsomely.

SPEAKER_00 49:47

Oh, you pay booty.

SPEAKER_08 49:49

Yeah, lots of booty.

SPEAKER_00 49:51

Ooh, okay.

SPEAKER_03 49:54

Can can I still be a pirate?

SPEAKER_08 49:56

No, no, you're you're that's a big bit that's a big thing for us. Okay, yeah, you can be a pirate. Okay. Just don't steal from your employer.

SPEAKER_03 50:05

Uh, we won't steal from our employer. As long as we get booty and can be pirates, that's all we care about. Okay. Not a pirate in a traditional sense, but an even better version of a pirate.

SPEAKER_00 50:15

That's fine. I still want to dress up and talk the same way. No, you won't be doing that.

SPEAKER_03 50:19

Um, kind of a kind of a deal breaker with us. No, you get to dress in an even more dreaded outfit. Oh, do tell, do tell. A three-piece suit. Um, roll persuasion. That is a tin. Nice. Um I don't know. Uh and then I show them a picture of Jason Statham.

SPEAKER_01 50:45

Oh shit, okay.

SPEAKER_03 50:48

Sure. And I go, you're gonna be stealing more than just the riches and the spoils that one might find handily lying around a ship or a uh a home. Okay. You're gonna be stealing people's livelihoods and leeching on their very soul for the rest of their life. Oh, talking about raiding and plundering. I'm talking about franchisees. Oh. We're in. Okay. Go go get dressed. Um, did I I wore this to work, so get dressed in the suits I fucking showed you. What did you give them suits? No. We don't we don't have the Oh sorry, is this my problem? I thought you were a go-getter. I thought you threw you through your full, however the fucking man of you are that you were pirates. We can go. You had the We could go go get suits, but we don't fucking Okay. They they leave. They walk out the door to go get suits. And if you're not back in ten minutes, you're fired. Okay. Does ten minutes pass? Ten minutes pass, they all come back in three-piece suits.

SPEAKER_08 52:04

Wait a minute. Didn't we ask them to do manual labor? Why are we having them with suits?

SPEAKER_03 52:08

They're about to do the manual labor. I just wanted to make sure they were speeded up first. They come back in, their voices have all changed to Jathan Statham or Jason Statham. Jason Statham.

SPEAKER_07 52:18

Jason Statham.

SPEAKER_03 52:23

Alright, so I I you almost got me. I almost almost copied yours for a second. Uh all right. Here's the plan for these four restaurants. We're gonna knock down the walls, no supporting beams that are gonna make them fall. You're gonna knock down all the walls in between all four of them, and you're gonna pick a uh I like the beer garden aesthetic the most. You're gonna go in and you're gonna copy that throughout. And uh there's a guy in a freezer that's got a whole bunch of arms, leave him alone.

SPEAKER_08 52:50

Okay. Yep, do that, guys.

SPEAKER_03 52:52

Uh, and if there are uh any other staff from any of the other restaurants, you kill them. Got it. And they do all of that to the efficiency of Amish people building houses. It is insanely, insanely specific, articulate, and perfect. So standing before you is one mega bar with the bar aesthetic of the beer garden. Okay. Let's go back to the side quest stump. Alright, you go back to the side quest stump and you just see him looking in horror at the video screens like, uh I don't I don't know how you managed to do that.

SPEAKER_05 53:32

I didn't I didn't see that. Uh working out in your favor? Somehow you made it you made it work. Um here's here's your item.

SPEAKER_03 53:45

And he gives you a finger. It looks like just a regular finger. I slap him. Ah for giving me the finger.

SPEAKER_05 53:56

No, that that's the finger of the chef that uh would like chop off his arms and stuff. So that thing can grow infinitely and you can like cut it off and shit.

SPEAKER_08 54:09

Oh, so we can just have food constantly and it fits in our pocket.

SPEAKER_05 54:13

Yeah, or if you need to like reach something or point at something really far away, you can like grow it a little bit and be like, look over there, and then it's kind of longer.

SPEAKER_03 54:25

Or we can put it in our pocket and let it grow a little bit so it looks like we have a real long skinny penis.

SPEAKER_05 54:31

Yeah, that's true too.

SPEAKER_03 54:32

That's with a knuckle.

SPEAKER_05 54:34

That's a third uh use for it. Yeah. That there you go, at the side quest um.

SPEAKER_08 54:40

Cool, wow. That's exciting. Look what we got here.

SPEAKER_05 54:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 54:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 54:45

Is it worth it?

SPEAKER_08 54:46

I've killed a lot of people today. You have, you have. But we wouldn't be where we are today with it if it weren't for you.

SPEAKER_05 54:53

Yeah, well, back to the desert.

SPEAKER_03 54:57

He sucks you guys in and plops you guys right in front of the buggy. And you see John kind of wake up. Uh, he does that yawn that dog stewer goes like, and looks like you guys are ready to get off and moving. And with that, we end our short little side quest. That does it for another episode of Comedy and Dice. Thank you guys so much for listening. We hope to be back to some regularly scheduled programming very soon, hopefully with our next release. Uh, we've had some scheduling conflicts, so we appreciate everybody enjoying these side quest adventures for a little bit. Want to say thank you as always to our cast. I have been Tyler Wood playing AIE. We have Shane Smith as Ranger Danger, Grant Janik as our dungeon master, and uh absent from this episode, but we still love him. It is Mark Brady that usually plays John Blake. Shout out to Lisa Correo for being the voice of the narrator, and thank you to DD Sluggers that is at DD Sluggers, aka Tim White. Uh, you can catch him at DD Sluggers on all social media for providing this wonderful intro and outro music. Thank you to our patrons. Uh, we appreciate you. Thank you to everyone who listens, and we will see you back here in two weeks for another episode. Thank you. Uh uh, so uh uh uh and uh