Wrong Way Forward

13. Pass the Turkey, Not the Trauma: Thanksgiving Etiquette

Katy Montgomery and Justin Joseph Season 1 Episode 13

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It’s our Thanksgiving Special, and Katy and Justin are diving headfirst into the holiday that’s equal parts gratitude and emotional landmines. From navigating political potholes at the dinner table to deciding when alcohol becomes “a little festive” versus “a full-blown family intervention,” we break down the etiquette, the angst, and the absolute absurdity of Turkey Day.

Katy shares her road-trip plans to Asheville, Justin confesses his family’s annual Las Vegas escape, and together they unpack everything the morning shows don’t tell you: how to set boundaries, when to exit a conversation gracefully, why hostess gifts matter, and how curiosity (and maybe a pre-game cocktail) can save your sanity.

We also dig into viewer emails—yes, including updates on nude gardening neighbors, the saga of designer dog deposits gone wrong, and the eternal debate over the “boob shelf.” And because it’s Thanksgiving, we wrap with what we’re truly grateful for… plus a surprisingly heartfelt reflection that proves we can be sincere right after saying the word “pubes.”

Whether you’re hosting, hiding, or heading out of town to avoid the drama altogether, this episode has something for everyone bracing for the holiday table.

Email us your Thanksgiving disasters: wrongwayforwardpodcast@gmail.com

New episodes every Thursday—because bad advice never sleeps.

Holiday Plans And Traditions

Accouncer

She's Katy Montgomery. He's Justin Joseph. These best friends are serving subpoenas to bad advice weekly with Wrong Way Forward. Now, here's Katy and Justin.

Justin Joseph

Hi, everybody, and welcome back to this week's episode of Wrong Way Forward, a very special Thanksgiving episode. We know you all are all out there spending time with your family and friends. Katy, what about you? What are your Thanksgiving plans this year?

Katy Montgomery

I am heading to Asheville, North Carolina.

Justin Joseph

Okay.

Katy Montgomery

I'm going to be there with my sister. We're going to do a little road trip and very excited to rest and relax. It's been a crazy semester. So ready for some R.

Justin Joseph

And so will you be going out to dinner for Thanksgiving? Do you do something at home? Does someone cook, etc.?

Katy Montgomery

So we're going to go out to dinner. I'm probably going to become the most hated woman in America. Our family wasn't a big Thanksgiving family. With my dad's work schedule and with my brothers playing soccer, it just became kind of crazy. We were more of like where we really spent time together was Christmas. And so I had a few kind of, you know, microwave sides growing up and Thanksgiving. So for us, we like to go to a restaurant. We like someone else to kind of do the work for us. And Christmas is what's extra special for us. But I am very excited for the time coming up. And Justin, what about you? What are you and your friends and family doing?

Justin Joseph

So, you know, we um are sort of in the same boat. We were a big Thanksgiving family growing up. So we always did the traditional fair, sit at the table, go around, give thanks, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. But I think as we got older, um, it became a lot of work, right? Trying to coordinate as everybody's schedules. Um, and so we leave town. We do the same thing. We go to Las Vegas. Um I know it's kind of become an anal tradition. We eat at the same uh Capitol Grill restaurant every year. They can they do the traditional fair or you can have a fillet, and so we'll do that and see a couple shows, um, spend a very few chill days, and then um we're back to Denver. So that's what we've been doing the past couple of years and really have enjoyed it.

Katy Montgomery

Yeah, well, I'm actually excited about today's episode because Thanksgiving is you said it, you know, it is a time to celebrate, spend time with friends and families, and really, you know, kind of take a moment to be grateful for what has happened in the past year. But it's also a holiday that happens to be kind of very stressful and angst-ridden for a number of people.

Justin Joseph

I think you hit the nail on the head, and that's frankly one of the reasons why we leave town. It makes it very easy to not have to deal with any of the stresses that come with who are you gonna see, what are you gonna bring, how are you gonna behave? It's just get out of town. Um, that's what we're doing. It sounds like that's what you're doing. But there's a lot of people who are gonna spend it at home with family and friends

Why Thanksgiving Gets Stressful

Justin Joseph

and are gonna be dealing with these exact things that you're talking about. And so today we thought we would talk about Thanksgiving etiquette. And uh to pitch us off, Katie and I both listened to a clip that had a number of ideas of how to behave and things to do and things not to do. So we'll use that to kind of kickstart the discussion and then we'll come

Etiquette Clip Sets The Stage

Justin Joseph

back on the other side and talk about it. This is from a uh Los Angeles uh ABC 7 New York, or I guess it's from New York, ABC 7 New York, and this was their take on Thanksgiving etiquette.

Speaker 3

Giving thanks, the whole point of why you're there, but it can also pose some challenges that you know come with getting a lot of different personalities together. Set the tone from the beginning. I always say, you know, say at the beginning, if you know that there's two people that are just constantly at it or they're sensitive topics, say, all right, at the beginning, welcome. I'm so happy to have you. Let's focus on our amazing family. You know, set the tone early. And I think it's okay if something comes up to agree to disagree. So the host is the is actually the the kind of the orchestrator of the party at the end of the day. What about being a good guest? Bring a host gift, ask what you can bring, because if you just show up with a pumpkin pie, but four other people showed up with a pumpkin pie, then it might not be the best thing, right? So ask the host what you can do during the meal, ask offer to help. Thanksgiving is all about spending time with family and friends, sharing a good meal, giving thanks, the whole and so that gives us an intro to kind of talk about um what we should expect and what we should do with Thanksgiving.

Justin Joseph

And I know, Katy, you have strong thoughts on coming with a hostess gift.

Katy Montgomery

I mean, always, always

Host Gifts And Missing Advice

Katy Montgomery

with a hostess gift. Um, I think it's very important. Um, I think it is a way to show your own gratitude and to really recognize that the work that a host or a hostess does um can be overwhelming and that you are taking the time to just nod thanks. But what I thought was interesting, you know, if we kind of talk about the wrong way forward, is once again, she had some good advice, but she just really missed a lot about what people need to be doing if they're going into kind of one of those angst-ridden Thanksgivings.

Justin Joseph

And what I besides having a cocktail before you go.

Katy Montgomery

Yes, but that was gonna be my first thing, Justin.

Alcohol: Social Lube Or Landmine

Katy Montgomery

Um, alcohol is a great social lubricant if used appropriately. Um, and it can be something that can get shy people talking, you know, people can let down their hair, um, people can have fun, but too much alcohol is when people are not aware of their own boundaries and not aware of other boundaries. So, you know, if you are a family that partakes in quite a bit of alcohol around the Thanksgiving table, I think that's something important to kind of be aware of is what is your alcohol consumption and knowing thyself well enough is sometimes loose lips can sink ships. Are you someone three to four drinks in, loose lips sink ships to where you're not respecting your own boundaries or others and that you can kind of cause that um, you know, slight discomfort to kind of blow up in your face?

Justin Joseph

100%. And I also think it's a that it's because of the stressors that are associated with Thanksgiving, and unless you are in one of these families where you look, you know, there's like six of you, and it's it's pure bliss to be around each other. I just don't think there are a lot of families out there. Number one, because people always, you know, Thanksgiving is an an event where a lot of people come together, but um, putting too much alcohol in the mix is a recipe for disaster in a number of ways, but it's also the way that makes it a little bit easier. So it's it's a very, very slippery slope. Do you agree?

Katy Montgomery

Completely.

Curiosity Over Combat At Dinner

Katy Montgomery

I think the other thing that she was missing is, you know, it is coming together and having conversations. And the people that I talk to who are going into Thanksgiving, um, probably a little worried and anxious, or, you know, we disagree um on politics or we disagree on what's happening in the international arena, or, you know, they say these things that are really disrespectful to, you know, my core values. And I think what people do is they go in and they think, oh, well, that's, you know, that's Uncle, you know, Michael, or oh, that's, you know, Aunt Susie, or, you know, grandpa Joe. Instead, I think it's stepping back and again, kind of knowing your own boundary and being aware of your tone. But the big thing that I think people stop doing is being curious. You know, why is grandpa Joe saying that? Why does Aunt Susie always comment on that? You know, people would always, you know, say to me, and we've talked about this a lot, but you know, I'm single, and they'll be like, you know, well, you know, you know, why aren't you dating anyone or are you dating anyone right now? And I would just be like, is why can't this person focus on my education or my accomplishments or the size of team I've managed or the impact I've made in the world? And I would go in thinking that rather than thinking, why do you think she's interested in knowing that? Why, how can I be curious? And I always refer people, um, and if you're not a Ted Lasso fan, just Google this. It's a great clip. But when Ted Lasso um is at the pub and takes on a wager um for darts and basically, you know, beats the person in darts and said, you know, if you've been curious and asked me some questions, you would have found out that my daddy took me down to the local pub regularly and we played darts. Oh, interesting. You know, and so I just am like, how can you go in and change your mindset and reframe and be curious about why these people are so insane?

Justin Joseph

And what

Handling Nosy Or Loaded Questions

Justin Joseph

let me ask you this because I I I know having another girlfriend who is single, that's one of her least favorite questions. Why are you single? How do you handle tough questions that are going to either make you uncomfortable, not necessarily about whether you're single, but maybe about your politics? How do you handle those in those situations?

Katy Montgomery

Well, I think everybody kind of has their own signature stamp. Um, I tend to be sarcastic and use humor. Um, and and that's that's my comfort zone. Um, I think other people switch the topic. Other people may, um, when asked a question, respond with a question. Um, I work with a lot of people, sometimes on executive presence or people who aren't comfortable in crowds. Um, and so we talk a lot about like what's in your back pocket, what are your kind of conversation topics? So when you are kind of, you know, presented with something you don't want to talk about, or it's something that makes you uncomfortable and your mind goes blank, you've got that safety net of two or three topics. So smart. Um and that's something to kind of be prepared for.

Justin Joseph

That's so smart. I remember when I was young, and even like in the back on the days when you would talk on the telephone on your first quote date, or when you met someone and it was gonna have a phone conversation, I would actually sketch out a list of 10 topics so that there would be no dry air time. So that for that exact reason. And so maybe it's something as simple as that. You write it on your phone, and if things are going south, you just stick your phone on the table, take a look, and move to that next topic.

Katy Montgomery

Exactly. And I think that there's, you know, try to think of things that just aren't controversial, right? So I remember when I worked at Velveteen Rabbit, it was a clothing store for women and children in Tupelo, Mississippi. And on my first day, she's like, we don't talk politics, religion,

Safe Topics And Prep Lists

Katy Montgomery

or football. Because even with football, you know, if you were, you know, a Mississippi State fan, you know, you might be, you know, helping out an oldness fan. And that can be pretty intense over Thanksgiving in the egg bowl. And so, you know, what are some topics? I mean, for example, we talked about AI and bots in a previous episode. That is something that is fodder for everyone. They think that is so interesting, you know, talking about people love to talk about the weather. DC has been so windy lately. And I can start any conversation with how windy has it been? And people of all ages love to talk about it. So when you're thinking through those kind of 10 topics, you know, think about things that really aren't ones that are gonna kind of divide, but rather things that like people have in common.

Justin Joseph

And so here's what's interesting. Um, there is a slate article out there that says, you are wrong. It says this is the wrong way forward. It says you should take on the tough topics at the Thanksgiving

Debate Or Avoidance? Know Your Family

Justin Joseph

dinner table. We're gonna read that advice on the other side of this break. We'll be right back with Wrong Way Forward.

Katy Montgomery

You've been listening to Wrong Way Forward, where bad advice goes to die, and then gets resurrected just so we can roast it again.

Justin Joseph

If you're enjoying the chaos, hit like and subscribe and come back every Thursday for new episodes.

Katy Montgomery

Have a new topic or some disastrously bad advice you want to dissect? Email wrongwayforwardpodcast at gmail.com. Include your contact info.

Accouncer

Now back to Wrong Way Forward. Roasting the worst advice ever. Welcome back to the Katy and Justin Podcast.

Katy Montgomery

And we're back, and we're talking about Thanksgiving etiquette and how to make the most of this holiday where we're meant to be grateful and give thanks. And um, my boyfriend has commented on this, my sister-in-laws have commented on this is that y'all can raise absolute hell at the dinner table and fight and dog cuss each other, and then two minutes later it's like, hey, do you want to go down the street and get another beer? I mean,

Hosts Setting Ground Rules

Katy Montgomery

we're that type of family. I think everyone knows and has a good sense of like going in and being like, what kind of family is this? If you're a family um that potentially holds grudges or somebody's gonna say something that's really personal and below the belt when you're having a political debate, I think that's different. You also think who's sitting around the table? You know, if you only see cousin Mary once a year, you know, I don't think that you're being a wimp and that you have lack courage if you decide to avoid a topic, you know, that might not be revisited for an entire year and Mary might sit and stew. So I think that is great advice if you have a family or an environment that can argue, can disagree, can banter back and forth and really kind of have a lively debate. But if you're one where this is gonna just turn sour grapes, I think it's going in and saying, what's the true objective here of this Thanksgiving and who's in the room and what, you know, what personalities are at play.

Justin Joseph

I agree. And I think it's the host or hostess's job to kind of set the rules for that at the dinner table, right? You have to know if you're hosting an event, going into it, is this gonna be a potential landmine that I need to avoid? And some articles that we read again prepping for this saying, you almost say that at the beginning, like, so glad to have you all here. As you know, it's Thanksgiving. This is a politics-free table. Or if you're asked a question, I think there's ways you can handle that, right? Because there's some people that are gonna disregard a host or hostess's advice and they're gonna come right out with it. What did you think about XYZ? Who did XYZ this week? And I think you have to be prepared to handle those if you're the host or if

Exit Lines And Graceful Escapes

Justin Joseph

you are the recipient of a question. How would you handle that if someone asked you a question that you didn't think was appropriate a political discussion for a dinner table?

Katy Montgomery

Yeah, and I think at the end of the day, families do have shared values. And so, you know, even though you might differ on, you know, the best person in the White House or, you know, your local council person, it's like, what are the shared values that we do have? And and so I think, you know, if the debate goes, you know, um awry and it's kind of crazy, going back to kind of what are those shared values among the family. And I think that's something that, you know, a host or hostess um can reiterate at the beginning.

Justin Joseph

And you can certainly, oh, sorry, go ahead.

Katy Montgomery

No, you go ahead.

Justin Joseph

I was saying you can certainly, if someone asks you something and you know it's headed in a it's going to head in a direction you don't want to be, you say, you know what, let's talk about that offline, or I don't know that now's the right time to talk about it. That's I think the um direct approach to dealing with it. Um what I mean, I guess you, you know, I one article I read said the indirect is you if someone starts typing to something you don't want to, you pull out your phone and look at your phone just to show your disinterest, which is kind of more passive aggressive.

Katy Montgomery

And I think just like we were talking about having a list of topics that you can talk, you know, can talk about that might not be controversial, you know, it's always okay to have like an exit strategy or a way to remove yourself from a conversation. So again, when I've been coaching people, we talk about the cocktail party or the cocktail reception at a conference. And there are some people who have great anxiety about how to remove themselves from a conversation. And so there are ways to think about that. A great one is excuse me, I'm gonna run to the restroom. Or I have to take this call, or um, you know what? I see, you know, I see, you know, grandma, you know, Helen over there. She seems kind of lonely. I'm gonna go check in on her. So particularly if you're highly uncomfortable in that, you might also have a few exit strategies pre-planned.

Justin Joseph

I love that. I love it.

Listener Mail: Boob Shelf And Skims

Justin Joseph

Well, that's our kind of take on this year's Thanksgiving etiquette. Of course, if you run into a horrifying situation at your dinner table, we want to hear from you. Email us at the wrongwayforwardpodcast at gmail.com. We're always up for taking on those intricate, interesting uh predicaments that we all find ourselves in inevitably during the holidays. Uh moving on, we also have some viewer emails this week. Last week we had a great topic of neighbor um gardening in the nude. And needless to say, our inbox blew up over this. So we're gonna talk about that. And Katie, we've got some other viewer emails you wanted to talk about.

Katy Montgomery

We do. So I actually have someone who wrote me about the boob shelf. So if anyone remembers, I kind of, you know, had a few comments about Lawrence Sanchez, Jeff Bezos' wife, boob shelf, and when it is and is not appropriate to have a boob shelf.

Justin Joseph

And what a boob shelf is when they're lifted and hoisted and served to the gods.

Katy Montgomery

I mean, that's assuming the gods want this stuff. I think I think that's still out there. But um, she writes, um, love the recent episode and all the episodes. I have noticed the trend of crazily cinched popped-up racks. As a fellow well-endowed woman, this trend confounds me. Also, yes, that will be what anyone ever looks at. And yes, we are all able to wear what we want. And yes, maybe others should not listen so intently while being so distracted by another's boob shelf. So less of a thing that is wrong, and it's more of a problem of no one will listen to you if your wardrobe choice hints at giant milkmakers squeezed into a deliberate position.

Justin Joseph

I love it.

Katy Montgomery

So it's nice to know that I have some support out there on this comment.

Justin Joseph

100%. Do you remember the Sex in the City episode where they're at the bar? And I think it was Miranda who had bought nipples and she put them under her shirt, and then Cynthia Nixon's character, or I'm sorry, it was Samantha, of course, who bought those. And then Cynthia Nixon's character said, Let me try them out because she's very flat chested. And she put them in and walked the bar, and she was turning heads left and right. Isn't this the same thing?

Katy Montgomery

I mean, probably, and let me tell you something. This is gonna show you how old I am. Kim Kardashian Skims came out with a bra that had intentional nipples in it. And I was talking to a bunch of girls who were younger, and I'm like, is that not the grossest thing you've ever heard of? Who does that? And the girl, girls literally looked at me and were like, I'm I'm planning to buy one. I was like, oh my gosh.

Justin Joseph

Are they also planning to buy her underwear that have pubes in them? Have you seen those? Justin, I heard about them, but you just that makes it yarn for my face.

Katy Montgomery

Well, it makes me want to too, but you know what grosses me out more is when you said the word pubes. I just want to go die right now. I mean, just stop filming because I want to.

Justin Joseph

I think it just speaks to it's she's nasty. I mean, come on. Anyway, um, yeah, I we're both anti-pube underwear. Um, the neighbor in the nude uh discussion we had last week. Uh like I said, the inbox filled up. There was a lot of really funny emails. And what I was surprised about is how many people have had similar experiences.

HOA Nude Gardening And Boundaries

Justin Joseph

But this is literally my favorite one. I complained to my HOA about this is from uh running for office with clothes on. I don't know what that means. I complained to my HOA about my neighbor gardening naked. They sent back a letter saying, unfortunately, nudity is not addressed in our landscaping guidelines. I'm like, landscaping guidelines? So apparently your lawn can't be over four inches, but your neighbor can be fully nude while trimming it. Should I move or run for HOA president on an all-bodies covered platform? So I think that kind of represented what we saw on that. It was really really interesting discussion on it for sure.

Katy Montgomery

It's crazy. And then Justin, we also got an email that just wanted an update. Um, just to remind our listeners, um, Justin had put down the deposit for a designer dog, then was later told by the breeder that um the dog was not available and gave his dog to someone else, and he was contemplating suing um that breeder. And people are dying for an update.

Justin Joseph

Yes. And so this is the update. Probably right after we had that episode, um, we had not heard back from her. I think the first episode I threatened a lawyer, we did not hear back from her. And so um, I think right after that episode, I wrote her and said, We need to hear from you, or we are talking to a lawyer this afternoon. And she wrote me back a nasty email with something like, Give me a break. She said, I'm working on it, um, but do what you need to do. Something sni snippy like that. And so I wrote her back and said, Look, I tried to de-escalate. I said, Look, I am not looking to make this adversarial. I want to keep the dialogue going. Um, as long as we have an open conversation, I'm fine with that. And she wrote back and said, Thank you for your time, or thank you for um, thank you for your something like that. Anyway, we heard from her two weeks later that she had secured us a dog and she had to tell us how much trouble it was to do that. But we do have a puppy coming. We fly um to pick her up um the day after Thanksgiving, actually. And so um I'm sure at some future episode I'll show her on this very platform, but we do have a puppy coming. So thank this viewer for their interest. But yes, that has been resolved.

Katy Montgomery

And I can say,

Puppy Saga Update And Resolution

Katy Montgomery

hey, doggy.

Justin Joseph

Until it makes you.

Katy Montgomery

So, Justin, you clearly have something to be thankful for. And after the break, we're gonna come back and talk about um what we're grateful for um and and what's the best way to show gratitude.

Justin Joseph

Thanks for streaming Wrong Way Forward, the weekly reminder that advice is usually free for a reason. We call out bad advice wherever it hides boardrooms, break rooms, and even book clubs.

Katy Montgomery

Enjoying this dumpster fire, like, subscribe, and check back every Thursday for new episodes. Want us to roast your favorite piece of nonsense? Email us at wrongwayforwardpodcast at gmail.com. Be sure to include your contact info. We're not psychic, just judgmental. And now back to Wrong Way Forward.

Accouncer

Roasting the worst advice ever. Welcome back to the Katy and Justin. And we're back.

Katy Montgomery

And again, this is our Thanksgiving episode. It's actually airing on Thanksgiving. Um, and so Justin and I wanted to talk about, you know, kind of what we're grateful for. Um, and Justin kind of mentioned this at the beginning of the episode, but we are incredibly grateful to y'all. I mean, we are in over 300 cities, we are in 27 countries, and we are just having the time of our lives. So we really do want to say thank you for listening. And um, and if you are loving what you're hearing, we would love um to hear

Thanks To Listeners And Growth

Katy Montgomery

from you at RonwayFord Podcast at gmail.com. But you can also leave a review um on any of the listening platforms, and we really do want to say thank you so much. It it means the world to us.

Justin Joseph

Yeah, we are really grateful. I think that that's also kind of pitches in the last uh thing that we wanted to talk about is grateful is gratefulism. Is that a word? No, no, not at all. Is being grateful, overdone, uh, you know, Oprah start of the gratitude journal. How many of you are doing that? We want to know in real estate. I'm in a selling system called the Ninja Nine, and one of the first, I think the first of the ninjas is every morning you're supposed to write up and write things you're grateful for. I have not done that. I just don't have that kind of mindset. Um, but I know a lot of people who do, and they swear by it. Um, what are your thoughts on daily gratitudes?

Katy Montgomery

So I did when I was um really stressed out

Gratitude Practices: Hype Or Helpful

Katy Montgomery

and living abroad in Singapore. Um I took a positive psychology class through um UPenn, and I one of the things they suggested was a gratitude journal. And I'm pretty type A. And so once I commit to something and I see the habit and I did it for 30 days, and then I said, Well, I'm still kind of pissy and it's not really working, and I gave it up. But I do think that what is really great is to to just kind of stop and just be present in the moment and think about things. And and something that I want to read is, you know, it's kind of crazy what you can see on social media. And I saw this, and I if I had to really think about what I'm really thankful for, Justin, doing this and with kind of the people in my life, is this is just a a short little piece by someone named Jude Um Fredman.

Speaker 3

Okay.

Katy Montgomery

My favorite people are seriously unserious. The ones who work like killers and joke like kids, the ones who build with obsession but live with joy, the ones who

The Joy Of Being Serious And Silly

Katy Montgomery

chase greatness like their life depends on it and do it all with a grin on their face. They bring intensity without the ego. They can be locked in one minute and laughing the next. They remind you that ambition doesn't have to make you bitter and discipline doesn't have to make you dull. They are deadly serious and playfully alive. And those are my kind of people. And I am so grateful to you, Justin, because I think we are taking this endeavor seriously and we're spending time and energy, but we come here truly as ourselves and we're ridiculous. And that's um when you hear things like pube underwear and raw dogging and boob shelves, and I love that we can both be educated, serious, hardworking people and act like complete and total idiots. And that's what I'm grateful for this season.

Justin Joseph

And I think that that is an amazing way to sign us off. And I can't say um, you know, one of the things you said when we started this is if it it the best thing about it was it will be I can spend a week, uh, an hour every week with my best friend. And I that's what I will take from this and say that I'm grateful for. Um,

Heartfelt Signoff And CTA

Justin Joseph

I think what you just read is beautiful, and I think it's a lovely way to end the show. And um, I wish you the best Thanksgiving with your family, Katy. And um can't wait to get going again after Thanksgiving.

Katy Montgomery

That's right. And likewise, Justin, I love you and and love y'all all. So again, happy Thanksgiving and so grateful for all of you.

Justin Joseph

All right, that's a wrap on this week's episode of Wrong Way Forward. Remember, the only thing worse than taking bad advice is giving it.

Katy Montgomery

If you've liked what you've heard, like, subscribe, or follow us wherever you stream podcasts. And if you've got a topic or need some advice, we'll probably regret giving, email us at wrongwayforwardpodcast at gmail.com.

Justin Joseph

Thanks for listening to this week's episode of Wrong Way Forward.