EP. 27: Fix Her Up by Tessa Bailey

Join Carina and Pili on this episode of 'Read Me Next' as they review and roast two romance novels, 'Deep End' and 'Fix Her Up'. They share hilarious insights, character critiques, and their honest ratings, revealing what works and what doesn't in these stories.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:07

Welcome to Ring Me Next, a book club of Make It a Podcast. Where we have lots of feelings and no qualifications. What are we reading this week, Feely? We're reading Fix Her Up by Tessa Bailey.

SPEAKER_02 0:16

Yeah, we had a little switch up there, didn't we? Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 0:21

Bro, this week it was something else. It was something else. But I mean, we made it. We we really did. We said we need an episode out, I guess. It was crazy. Yeah. So we actually started reading Deep End by Allie Hazelwood. It was our first Allie Hazlewood book. Yeah. She said herself in the book that this is one of her best yet. If not her best. And all we were so excited about, oh, okay. You know, people say it's kinky. We're like, yes, let's read it. Oh my God. We had to DNF it. It was just like, how far did we even get? You got pretty far, didn't you? I got like all over 70%. I got to chapter 47. You got really far. Yeah. See, I did it. It sucked.

SPEAKER_00 1:07

I wish I had.

SPEAKER_01 1:10

I mean, obviously we always say reading is objective. So if that's your favorite book, we love that. Go ahead. Do that. But my God, I did not like that book at all.

SPEAKER_02 1:19

And then, so we were like, okay, what other book can we read? We had like a 30-minute long conversation in the car. We were like, fuck, like, what are we doing? Not appealing a reading slump. Nothing appealed to her. So we went through book after book after book. One thing about me is if we start a series, I think I need to finish that series. Like in one. Like I can't just read a book and be like, all right, cool. Put that series aside. No. Like I can't do that. So it's hard for us to come up with like standalones to read sometimes. But she was like, okay, Tessa Bailey, we love Tessa Bailey.

SPEAKER_01 1:56

So for Book Club years ago, we loved It Happened One Summer. Oh my God, I love that book. I still love that book. I still love that book. It was like our first romance book that we read that we really got into reading after that. It was like, it was so, so good. So we're like, man, we haven't read Tessa Bailey in years. Let's read Fix Her Up. Fuck. Why do we do that? Was she fixed? Bro, like I'm like, we can't DNF two books in a week. So I have to finish this, but my God, I did not want to finish this book either.

SPEAKER_02 2:28

I mean, okay, but the vibes of this book were much more fun than Deep End, at least. I think it was.

SPEAKER_01 2:35

No, 100%. Deep End was insufferable. I thought it was not insufferable. It was terrible. But this one was so like corny. It was so corny. It was so cringy as fuck. I was just like, bro, I don't like this book either.

SPEAKER_02 2:50

Yep. Okay, so before we get into the book, what did you rate it? A two. I can give it a two. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:57

It was just there. It was one of those books that's like, you're there. No, but I'm telling you, if we hadn't DNF'd Deep End, I would have DNF'd this one. I did not want to finish this. It was I didn't like it at all. Like, I mean, I guess now we can laugh about it, but I was just like, God damn. Like the reading gods were not on our side this week. No, they weren't. Damn. So how about for your spiceometer? I do think a lot of people and their mother say this is like the spiciest book ever. But I think, like we've said before, I think we've mentioned it. Like if we are not into the characters, into the book, like we're just not doing it.

SPEAKER_02 3:29

I would give it like a three. Yep. Same. I was gonna say like three and a half, three and a half, four. It doesn't fucking matter. But it it is what it is. It is what it is. Because it was it was spicy. Like there is a lot of scenes that were like pure smut. I do. But like, like you said, like if you're not if you're not feeling the characters, you're like, all right, you fucked her. Let's move on.

SPEAKER_01 3:52

Yep, another another too bad scene. Okay, we get it. All right. Keep going. That is so funny. And I was so fucking excited. I was so excited because I had seen a clip of Tessa Bailey, and she was saying, you know, like whenever she wants to like get into like the spicy, you know, writing mood, she will reread the dugout scene of this book. And I was like, ooh, okay, we're gonna get some fun banter smut. Oh my god. Cringy as fuck. Honestly. Okay, but before we get into this book, I want to talk about Deep End.

SPEAKER_02 4:25

Okay, okay, go ahead. Okay, do it. Do it, do it. So I honestly don't even remember any of it. It was like the diver, right? Yeah. And the hockey player. Nope. Nope.

SPEAKER_01 4:34

He was a swimmer. This is a different, different book, different book. I don't know what you're talking about. There's no hockey player. Go ahead. Go ahead. So it was the diver, she's a competitive diver for Stanford. He's a competitive swimmer for Stanford. And supposedly there's a there are these kinky as fuck people, right? Oh my god, yes, I remember. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And her best friend ends up being the guy's girlfriend, which is weird. Weird as fuck. They break up and she's like, oh, you guys should get together. You both are kinky as fuck. And so they're like, okay. And so they end up getting together. I was assuming. Obviously, but I'm telling you, I think I read like a couple of sex scenes and they were not kinky at all. I was just like, okay. Because she wants to relinquish control. That's like her thing. Yeah, yeah. From what I understood. She wants to, you know, just be super submissive. He's super dominant. So at one point, the first time they have sex, then afterwards, he like ghosts her. Doesn't talk to her, doesn't text her, doesn't call her, nothing. And so we're like, damn, what the fuck happened? She was so confused. She's like, well, whatever. I guess it wasn't good for him. It is what it is. And she was fine. She was okay. She was like, I guess we didn't vibe the way I thought we vibed. You know? Okay. And so, like, a few, like a couple weeks later, she ends up weeks. Yeah, like I think it was like a couple weeks. She ends up meeting his brother, his older brother. And so they get to chatting, and the older brother's like, Oh, does he still have that thing when like he really enjoys something? Like he'll just kind of cut it off. Cause like that's how he is able to control himself. Kind of like he's like a control freak. And to to prove that he can control himself, he will stop whatever he's enjoying. And so she she's she's like, bitch. So she goes up to him, she's like, Bro, what the fuck? She's like, When the hell are you gonna talk to me? And he was like, I was giving myself 15 days. Oh my god. And she was just like, damn, like we were so close. We're so close to getting there. And then we find out also her, she had like this big injury.

SPEAKER_02 6:27

Yes, that's what this she's going to therapy for. Yeah. And it was like the tumble or the twist or something in the wheel. Inward pike or whatever the fuck, right?

SPEAKER_01 6:34

Yeah. Anyways. So she's going to therapy. He ends up kind of solving the problem. What do you mean he solves her problem? Fuck the therapist. She comes clean to him that the day that she got injured, that that morning of that like diving meet, her dad, who's like no contact, called her. And he's like, oh. And then she's like, and my boyfriend at the time broke up with me and he's like, oh. So he's like, shit fucking day. So it's all mental.

SPEAKER_00 7:05

And she was like, Oh, I guess you're right. She goes to the pool, does the fucking word point. So okay.

SPEAKER_01 7:16

So he shouldn't become a therapist at this point. Whatever. One plus one equal two. I don't know. I mean, I don't know about you, but it seems to be adding up, girl. I'm like, let's see where the problem is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Oh my god. So at this point, I'm like, okay, I'm still reading this book. I'm still reading this shit. What like honestly broke the camel's back was he and the best friend and Penn were still really good friends. Oh, okay, yeah, because they've been together since they were really young. They've been together since they were like 15 or something. And so they've they're still really good friends. And the main character, Scarlet and Penn, are at this diving meet, and he's like out of the country or out of town or something. God. And somebody's really mean to Penn. And she's like, oh my God, I need Lucas. Like, please call him for me. And she's like, Yeah, okay, sure. So she's calling him up, and I'm like, okay, this is starting to get like I've been through 70% of this book, and the best friend still needs the ex-boyfriend who's now your situationship. So she calls him and he doesn't answer. And so Scarlett, the main character, is like, talk to me. Like, I maybe I can help, whatever. So she's telling her about whatever, why this girl like hates her. And she's like, Well, you know what? Like, I'm on your side, like it's okay, you know, like I believe that you're a good person. Whatever. She's like, Oh my god, thanks, you're such a good friend. The guy calls them back, right? And he and she's like, No problem. Scarlet fixed the problem. And then Scarlet, the main character is like, she has she's like, Yeah, I guess I'm like basically you to the guy. And I was like, Okay, I'm done. No. What the literal fuck? What is this weird ass love triangle relationship that we got going on?

SPEAKER_02 8:55

No. If I would have seen that, like, oh my god, call Luke. I need Luke. No. Be so fucking for real. A 70 fucking percent book.

SPEAKER_01 9:03

Absolutely not. No. Come on. I agree with you. 70% we haven't gone anywhere. Thank you for not letting me read that. I honestly. So I said Dina, if I call Karina up, I'm like, I cannot finish this book. I hate this. Please let me change the book. So before we get into Fixture Up, I did have some hilarious deep end Goodreads reviews. Just so because I was like, am I the only one? No, there's no fucking way. There's no fucking way. And there is no way. A lot of people hated the book. Perfect. And so this one is one star. It says, oh no. Oh no, no, no, no, no. Guys, I'm so sorry. I absolutely hated this with every fiber of my being. And you know what? That's on me for being incapable of DNFing. You see? That was her problem. Yep. I was gonna say, this is almost you. This is almost me. Yeah, no, but I got I got to 70% and I said DNF. Yep. And I think at the end of the day, Ali Hazelwood books just aren't for me, and that's okay. Which I was also gonna say, I remember texting you at the beginning of that book, and I was just like, I don't know if I'm stupid, but I'm not understanding half of these words. Because I know she writes a lot of like women in STEM, and maybe that's just not me. I mean, I don't think so.

SPEAKER_02 10:05

Because like there can be time, like I feel like even people in real life can say shit that I don't fucking know what they're talking about, but they're still funny people. Oh, I understand. You know what I mean? So I feel like it can't be the vocabulary. The vocab was vocab in, though. I will say that, I remember that. But I don't think we can blame it on the vocab. No, I agree. I think there's just the yeah, the characters were not good.

SPEAKER_01 10:25

She goes, now, first things first, I personally didn't think that this book was kinky at all. I actually found the spice to be very mild. However, that's not why I didn't like the book. That's an entirely subjective opinion, which is true. Queen. However, what I did find odd is how the author's notes disclaimed that the book contained explorations of kinks, and there was very little of that. They even made the entire list of kinks to explore and then just never returned to it. Did you get to that?

SPEAKER_02 10:48

No.

SPEAKER_01 10:49

They he like gave her a list of like kinks that she would be into.

SPEAKER_02 10:53

Can I tell you where I got to? Oh yeah. The fucking email.

SPEAKER_01 10:56

The email was like, when you want to try it, try it with me. Baby. That was like chapter three. And says far now. Yeah, you really did not get far. Yeah, you didn't miss much. But no, they had like this whole like exchanging of lists of like the specific BDSM and kinks that they're into. What were they? I don't know. Because they never I mean, I didn't get to any of those parts. When you want so Oh my god. Okay, okay. Continue, continue with this review. She goes, I generally could not stop cringing the entire time. I fear this entire book gave me the ick. You should have known. You're telling me his ex, who is also her best friend, is the one who pushed them together because she found out that they have the same kinks, which is also like just the book started off, and I was like, What? Yep. Like I I hated that off the bat.

SPEAKER_02 11:36

Yep, 100%. No, like the the way Penn was so freaking out about sex not being great because of the kinks that he liked. I'm like, girl. Girl. Girl. It's fine. No, no. But why are you why are you freaking out about it? Ugh. Just cut it.

SPEAKER_01 11:51

I don't know which what else do you want us to say? So this is this is a two-star. It says, Well, I can officially say I gave Allie Hazelwood a try, and I'm pissed. I'm pissed I wasted my time. I went in expecting romance with spice, but all I got was way too much spice and unconvincing romance, which is true. Like I felt like they didn't even like each other. I don't know. He was so dry as fuck to me. Whatever. Like he wasn't broody or grumpy. Like he was just dry as fuck. Seriously, I don't even know what to call this mess. No emotional depth, no chemistry, just endless kink talk with nothing real behind it. I knew I was going to hate this book within the first five percent, but did I stop? Nope, because apparently I enjoy torturing myself. So true. Yep. And so Scarlett, the FMC is supposed to be this ambitious driven woman with career goals. But she's got no personality, no depth. I couldn't care less about her. Honestly, so true. And Lucas, the MMC, he's hot, but that's where it ends. Their so-called chemistry is non-existent. It feels like they're checking off items from a shared kink list instead of building a real real relationship. No emotional pull, just sex. And that's what the whole book boiled down to. Just sex and a whole lot of nothing. Honestly, so true. Didn't like that. Two and a half stars. I actually think Penn should have been the main character given the amount she was in and mentioned in the book. Honestly, I think it would have been a better book. Oh my gosh. It says things I did like. Allie Hazelwood's writing style, the openness talking about what they intimately liked, the diving competitions. Although I read the words inward dive so many times, I had to Google the video. And the roommate. She deserved more scenes. And yep, that's it. I did like the roommate. The roommate was a very good idea. I remember her reveal. Yeah. She goes, I think there are too many side plots going on that it was hard to focus on the actual story. Honestly, just an unmemorable read, plus one too many insufferable characters. Staring at you, Scarlet. Literally. Oh my gosh. One star. Time of death, page 222. And I think after the third time he licked her tears away during sex, mind you, which is three times too many. Got the ache so many times. I'm out. And no, this is not kinky. That's not even the reason for the one star, by the way. Just an observation. Boring and annoying in every way. Characters, sex, plot. Agreed. DNF, 45%. I I can't do it. Can someone tell me which chapter all the characters drown into the deep end of the water and die? Oh my gosh. So these are just like a bunch of short reviews. This is five stars. It says my favorite of Allie's books, and I don't say that lightly. Woo. Okay, girl. One star. I'm still searching for the kink. One star. I think the kink got lost in printing of this book. I would rather jump off a cliff into the deep end water than read this again. Yep. Oh my gosh. This is the last one. It says it doesn't have any stars, and it says, I think Swedish men are too white for me. Which I remember we you thought he was Russian at the beginning. Yeah, I did. I was like, he's from somewhere. He's from somewhere. No, he's Swedish. But, anyways. Let's get into Fix Rob because that book we actually finished. So, Karina, what is Fix Rob about?

SPEAKER_02 14:49

So this cracked me up, right? Because we go from DNFing this book and then P. Light texts me. She's like, why is our FMC a clown?

SPEAKER_01 15:03

I was like, are you fucking kidding me right now? Like, I'm gonna have to read a book where she is a clown. That's her career is a fucking clown performer. I couldn't. Like, I couldn't. I mean, no, no hate against clown performers, but why does she have to be a clown? I hated that.

SPEAKER_02 15:25

No, and and just one of the biggest facts of the book is that nobody took her seriously because she was a goddamn clown.

SPEAKER_01 15:31

Bro, like, seriously, you couldn't have picked any other career. Tessa, do not write any more clowns. No, no, I'm telling you. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 15:40

Okay, so it was a romance book. The trope was brother's best friend, right? And fake dating. And fake dating. Which you'd think would be great tropes. Yeah, we'd love a fake dating. That's the best.

SPEAKER_01 15:53

Yeah, not this one. Not when she's a clown. Not when she's a fucking clown, bro. I couldn't. I couldn't. That's so funny.

SPEAKER_00 16:00

Anyway, so not like she but every time she would perform a just cringy ass shit, I'd be like, oh my god, kill me now. When she started juggling, stop.

SPEAKER_01 16:15

She wasn't that bad. I don't, I think it's what we were saying. Like, if I'm not into it, like everything she was doing was just giving me the goddamn egg. Yeah. She started fucking juggling the lemons. It's just like, come on, I'm like, I need to leave.

SPEAKER_00 16:31

Like, bro, no, I could not.

SPEAKER_01 16:35

I couldn't. That is so funny. Everything made me like want to die. Are you kidding me? And he would be just so infatuated.

SPEAKER_02 16:44

So I'm so proud of you. He's like, oh my God, I think I'm falling for her. I have never seen you perform before.

SPEAKER_01 16:55

Literally. Oh my god, it sucks so bad. Oh, anyways. Okay, so she's a fucking performer.

SPEAKER_02 17:01

Anyway, she's a clown. She's a clown. And her brother's best friend is this famous baseball player that had an injury and had to stop playing. Yeah, and he moves back to the hometown. He moves back to the hometown and he's in this big old slump, and she has been in love with him since they were children. Yeah. And she helps him get out of the slump.

SPEAKER_01 17:22

Yeah, and so the fake dating part comes where he is up for a job. And so he's like, he needs to look less like a player. Oh, yes, because he's a big player. He's Mr. Tubats. He's Mr. Tubats. Which was said ten times in this damn book. Damn. Yep. Yeah. He's Mr. Tubats and she's Miss Clown. And so they're like, let's fake date so people take us seriously.

SPEAKER_02 17:42

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So people were gonna take her seriously because she's a fucking clown, and then him for not being a player. That's the book. Yep. Yep. And then they fell in love like two seconds later. I couldn't. I literally could not with this book.

SPEAKER_01 17:55

Like every I swear to God, it was so fucking corny. It was so corny. It was so corny.

SPEAKER_02 18:00

I mean, this is like one of those books. Like, you know how you have like a show that you put on TV when you're doing laundry? Yeah. I feel like this is one of those books.

SPEAKER_01 18:07

Like you just like, no, not even. Not even for me. No, I no.

SPEAKER_02 18:13

You would have DNF'd this also a thousand percent. Where would you have DNF'd it? Like, what part did you change her one?

SPEAKER_01 18:19

When she was a goddamn clown, I would have DNF'd. What the literal fuck she could have had any goddamn career. That's so funny. It it was ridiculous. I hated that. That is so funny. You know what was ridiculous in the book? What? The fucking sister-in-law. No, the sister-in-law. Okay. Kristen, who the fuck are you, Kristen? No, no. I'm telling you, every time I was fucking cracking up because every time Kristen would come into a scene and Steam would just pop out of nowhere and be like, we're still going home. I'm like, yo, he low-key and abuse. He'd be like, Kristen. She'd be like, all right, ladies, gotta go. I'm like, are you okay? No. Blink twice. Blink twice for real. No, it was so funny. No. I was cracking up. Like, I'm like, is he supposed to be cool? Like, and then you got Rosie, who doesn't even talk to her husband. But I thought Rosie and Dom, I thought they had some like tension. They're supposed to be the next book. Of course. Of course, of course. But I was just like, they kind of I'm like, why aren't we reading that book? Yeah, that's like a little mysterious what's going on over them. But oh my gosh, no. No, literally, but Steven was cracking me the fuck up. Every time he'd be like, yo, Chris it! Okay, ladies, gotta go.

SPEAKER_02 19:30

Even like the first scene that he pops up, he forgot his lunch at home when he got home and wasn't like, oh my god, I missed Oh my god, I missed your chicken.

SPEAKER_01 19:38

And the girls are all like, that's what you're mad at. No, but even everything about this book, the Just Us League, I cheated. Everything was so goddamn corny.

SPEAKER_00 19:52

I thought about that.

SPEAKER_01 19:54

Did anybody read this? Like, I just I couldn't. Everything. So essentially at the beginning of the book, I like wrote this down because I was just like, what? But it's page 32. I already hated it at page 32. Oh my god, at page 32. That's so funny. Oh, he's saying, like, I guess I don't want to be a novelty anymore, a good time, something easy, not to be taken serious. And she goes, I don't think of you that way. You could never be a joke. I'm sorry if the mean things I said in your apartment made you feel this way. And so he's like, No, what you did was different. I needed that. He reached over and tweaked her nose. There, you finally got me to admit that throwing food and calling me on my shit is what got me back among the living. And so she's like, if he hadn't just played gotcha with my nose, like I was fine. I was like, bro, that him booping her in the goddamn nose. No, but she was kind of funny. Like that part is funny if he didn't fucking boop me in the nose. No, like I I couldn't. I could not. Oh my god, that's so funny. I did like when her, Rosie, and Bethany started talking at the beginning. Yeah. That was cute. After they started at the Justice League, I didn't like that, but I like the Just Us League. I hated that. That's so fucking funny. I was also like, what even is this book? Yeah. That he told Steven right away. He told Steven that they were hooking up right away. And then if his dad hadn't come into the bar, he was gonna tell Steven it was a lie from the beginning. Yep. Like, sir, he's like, I couldn't lie to Steven. I'm like, shut the fuck up. Why are you gonna tell him that it was a lie?

SPEAKER_02 21:22

Yep. It's the truth now. So also, why are you gonna do that by yourself? That's her fucking brother. I mean, I just I don't know. I don't know. No, and the whole end that they broke up because Steven heard him talking shit to his dad. I'm like, no, that's his fucking dad that he's never seen in his whole life. You're gonna take what he's saying to his dad seriously front, like yeah, at face value. Shut up. Steven, you're fucking dumb. No, Steven was crazy. He was like the villain.

SPEAKER_01 21:51

He was a dictator of that family. He said, Bethany, get fucked. Stevie, you're gonna be single. You're a fucking cloud.

SPEAKER_03 22:03

And Kristen, get your ass home. That was in the entire thing.

SPEAKER_00 22:12

That was basically I think Steven was the villain. Oh my gosh. That's so funny.

SPEAKER_01 22:19

That's crazy.

SPEAKER_02 22:20

That is crazy.

SPEAKER_01 22:21

No. Oh my God. Also, I feel like I just no, going down to Tickletown is crazy. Like the the shit that is in this book.

SPEAKER_00 22:31

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. That's crazy. When I heard I said, come again? What? Going down to Tickletown? And I mean he's like, I'm like, is this some like perverted? But no, he was really gonna tickle her. And she's like, you wouldn't do it.

SPEAKER_01 22:57

He's like, on the crown of your foot, like it was when we were children. It's like, shut up. This is so weird. Literally.

SPEAKER_02 23:05

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 23:06

Loki, corny as fuck.

SPEAKER_02 23:07

That's my note. Oh my god, no, I have your highlighted. It says, I'm strongest when you're around, but I'm going to get better at using that strength even when you're not standing beside me. That's a corny as fuck. Ew. I was like reading that line, and I was like, I'm glad.

SPEAKER_01 23:26

Okay. Ew. So, so corny. Oh my gosh. I also have that when she was doing the mud run, which was cute. I would love to do a mud run once. Let's do it. I think that'd be fun. It's read me next at the next mud run. Read me next. But anyways, I thought that was cute, that they were all doing it. But what made me la laugh is that she like stopped the mud run and then she went to go talk to him. She's like, I look over at the She's this is how I picked her, right? She's helping the girls cross the fucking thing, right? In the mud. They're all being a leader. She's the leader. She's like getting, yeah, girl, come on, let's do it. Whatever. She looks to the bleachers, finds him, and she's like, okay, I'm going over there. And he's like, You're doing great. You're such a good leader. I'll talk to you at the finish line. She's like, okay. She walks. What? I'm like, stop the mud run to go. But Steven afterwards, like, let go of her.

SPEAKER_02 24:22

God damn, Steven. And he's like, let me explain. Steven's like, why are you holding her?

SPEAKER_01 24:29

I couldn't. And no, and then he's like, he's like, he told his dad, I heard him yesterday. He was telling me that it was all fake and that this. And she's like, you don't get it, Steven. You don't get it. It's okay. I know. It was fake.

SPEAKER_02 24:45

And then, and then what? She all of a sudden finds out that he knew that she was in love with him from the beginning, and that's what he didn't take serious.

SPEAKER_01 24:51

Girl, no. No, but then sorry. She breaks up with him basically for like less than 24 hours, and he just has this epiphany that he's like mid-mid-drunkness, and he's like, Oh my god, I love her. I want to marry her. I want to have her babies. Yeah. That was a huge switch up. That was like crazy. Yeah. That was insane. Yeah. 100%. I couldn't. I could not.

SPEAKER_02 25:16

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And no, not only that, but him proposing on live TV his first fucking episode. His first broadcast. Marry me. What the fuck was her name? Georgie.

SPEAKER_01 25:31

Marry me, Georgia Castle. Girl. The other broadcaster's like, hey, well, welcome to the team. You know, it's good to have you. He's like, Yeah, well, I just want to start the show off by saying, you know what, I fucked up. But Georgie, will you marry me?

SPEAKER_02 25:47

This is when she was doing one of one of the shows as a clown. And she called Travis over to be her face painting. She goes, Oh Lord, this wasn't happening.

SPEAKER_01 25:58

She wasn't aroused clown. I hate that. No, get out of here. No, I swear, when she started juggling the goddamn lemons for the little girl at like the dinner. Oh my god. No, no. That was so cute. No, it wasn't. No. And like I could like, I was like having like second-hand embarrassment in reading that. Because she was, I need to find the part. Because she was like, clap, clap, or I'm gonna slip on. I don't know what the fuck she says. Oh my god. So Georgie, hi, I'm Georgie. What's your name? And then the little girl was like, Madison, do you want to see something cool? No hesitation. Yes. Travis watched spellbound as Georgie snagged three lemons from the centerpiece and started chuckling. Okay, Madison, you have to help me. Clap your hands so I don't drop them. The girl slid out from behind her father slowly, tears beginning to dry. I can't keep it up. My arms are getting weak. Kelvin crouched down next to Madison and clapped, finally giving the girl the push she needs join in. Within seconds, the little girl was laughing, her eyes wide as Georgie picked up speed. Christ, Travis didn't know what to make of this fiery sensation in his chest. That's so funny. But I was just Oh, we're so fucking juggling. No, I couldn't. I was like, that part really got me. I was like, this is corny as fuck. I couldn't get into it. What did I put? This is actually funny. Oh. Then so Steven being a dictator, they're at the fucking family dinner, which also so they have like a fixture upper, obviously, uh, like a business, and it's called Brick and Morty, which that is funny.

SPEAKER_03 27:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:33

I like brick and morty. But so, oh, and so Travis stands up for Georgie in the dinner. Love, love. Okay. But even like I couldn't, I couldn't love it. You know, love to a certain degree. Because I was just like, okay. Georgie and Travis have been staring at each other since the great fist pounding incident. Christ. He liked being on her side. Like when he did that, right? But then I'm listening to this, right? Because I also have the audio. Oh, yeah, same, same. So I'm listening to this, and all of a sudden I hear him say, I know you're wet, baby girl. Did he say that out loud? Thank God he didn't. It was in his mind. But also, what the literal fuck? Anyways. So she's like, I um I was just going to say, Dad, that Bethany loves brick and morty, and she's one of the main reasons it's so successful. She wants to help expand it. If Steven takes the time to guide her on a flip, they could double the number of projects that the company takes on. She's never failed at anything. Relationships not withstanding. And she's like, thanks, sis. Beth deserves a shot, but that part actually made me laugh. Yeah. In the in the audio, it was funny. She's like, thanks, sis. And I was like, yeah, okay. That's funny.

SPEAKER_02 28:34

Yeah, that's another thing we could touch on. The frickin' audio. I didn't like it.

SPEAKER_01 28:38

Yeah, I didn't like it either. Well, because it was just her narration. And she was doing Travis's voice the entire time. Yep, yep, yep. I hated that. Yep.

SPEAKER_02 28:44

And it was very I hated that.

SPEAKER_01 28:48

And it was very like monotone. Like, I there was no emotion in it the way she would speak. No, I mean I had it at 1.5 because I was trying to finish it as quickly as possible. See, I also did. Yeah. Cool. Alright. Yeah, but I also thought it was interesting. There was no epilogue. I put that. True. Anyways. Anyways. That's it for me. Ridiculous. If you want to read a Tessa Bailey book, read It Happened One Summer. It happened one summer. Five out of five. That book is so fucking good. I love that fucking book. I don't know what happened with this one. Yeah. Me either. But maybe it was like the whole year. Maybe she got better. I don't know. This is a big ass flop. I did not like this. Not two flops in one week. Two flops and one almost two DNFs, but we needed to put an episode out this week. I am excited for next week. What's next week's episode? It's Fourth Wing.

SPEAKER_02 29:31

I'm so excited. I was I literally told Pelia when I got here. I was like, yeah, this is just one of those books that's whatever, like, I was just thinking, like, what are the dragons doing?

SPEAKER_01 29:40

Oh, I'm so excited for the fucking dragons.

SPEAKER_02 29:42

Love it. I can't wait. Okay, so these are some reviews for Faker Up for Goodreads. So this is a one-star review, and it just goes into like a bunch of the things she hated in this book. Love that. So this one was Travis's personality. So it goes, Travis was the worst love in this. He considers Georgie his little sister for half the book, but still sexualized the hell out of her in literally every single scene she's in. He was also so jealous and overprotected of her, even when they weren't even together. And Georgie let him get away with doing super sketchy stuff, like sabotaging a date just because she thought he was so hot. That is so true.

SPEAKER_01 30:17

He did sabotage the fuck out of that date. He's like, uh, my shoulder. She's like, we need to ice it right now.

SPEAKER_00 30:25

You be so completely for real.

SPEAKER_02 30:27

I completely forgot about that fucking scene. Oh my god. This one's for you. Dumb slash childish main character. I mentioned before that this main character is a clown, and I can't emphasize that enough. She's completely stupid in a way that makes me ashamed that this book was written by a woman. Oh, that's crazy. From letting herself be walked all over by Travis to enduring a whoa, I didn't know I was hot transformation. To literally being considered a child by everyone around her. It was just unbearable. Her entire conflict in the book was trying to be more legitimate so people would take her seriously, but I still considered her a joke by the end of the book because her actions and dialogue were so ridiculous. Oh my god, that's so ridiculous. That is hilarious. That is hilarious. Like it's true.

SPEAKER_01 31:12

It's so no like she's a fucking cloud. Whoa, I didn't know it was a and also we didn't even talk about that. Like her whole transformation. Yeah. He saw her like afterwards, he's like, God damn, she's hot. Yeah, I hated that. No, shout out Steven, because Steven was like, she should have been hot in her fucking other clothes, huh?

SPEAKER_02 31:28

Travis. Yeah. And he's like, she was. I liked her in the overalls. Baby girl. Shut up. Fucking lose her. Oh my god. No, him calling her baby girl in the beginning of the fucking book, also.

SPEAKER_01 31:40

Where did that come from? Like, it just came out of left field. It's so true. Like when he was like picturing her as the baby sister. Yep. So what the hell are you talking about, baby girl? The fuck?

SPEAKER_02 31:52

Okay, this is a whole bunch of whatever this review is. This is a four-star review. It goes, This book had me in the fucking headlock, y'all. It says, if there's one thing I go Pharaoh for, it's a broken man becoming unbroken because of a girl. I ate that shit up. Okay. I'm just going through the review and it says, Georgie is one smart motherfucker. So we have conflicting. Ma'am knew exactly what she was doing by reverse psychology, Travis. Made him realize his self-worth, and boom, he'll fall in love with you. Lord have mercy, I'm about to bust. Okay. Girl, this is my first Tessa Bailey book, and I'm telling you all that she's the white woman I fucking needed. I know she's writing these books for me. I can feel in from the bottom of my toe to the top of my fucking scalp. This is a four-star review. It says Confession. I was completely prepared to hate this book, truly. I've read pretty much nothing but bad reviews for this. Mm-hmm. Like a car wreck just because I exile myself from looking. So imagine my complete shock when it turned this wasn't a total car wreck of a story, but a story that gives you the same feeling you get when you hit every green light. Just a constant go, go, go feeling of everything great, humor and banter, and love and friendships, and woman empowerment and crazy hot baseball players. Like athletes have never really been my thing, but wow, Travis could seriously get it. No. Women empowerment. I mean the just us league. With Steven coming around, Krista, get your ass or get your ass back in the house.

SPEAKER_00 33:21

I cannot.

SPEAKER_01 33:23

That is so funny, be like literally every time Krista would appear, every time Krista would appear, Steve was like, get your ass out. We're going home. Oh my god, no independence for our girl, Chris. No independence. She needed the just us league. I can't stress that enough.

SPEAKER_02 33:41

Oh my god. Okay. This is a five-star review. And it says, Well, it's official. Tessa Bailey is my love language. That was so incredibly satisfying, and I'm thrilled to see that a sequel featuring Rosie and Dominic is in the works. Also, I highly recommend doing yourself a favor and snagging the audiobook if you're the listening type. Because Charlotte North is a confirmed angel. No. I mean, girl. No. This book was smut. If if Tessa Bailey is your love language, good for you. Sex is good for you. Alright, let's see here. One star. DNF at 69%. This would have been peely. I would have DNF at DNA. 1%. Yeah. When she gets called a clown. Okay, whatever. Look at me while I'm teaching you how to fuck. Is when I quit this book. That's insane. This book is just run-amug with misogyny, like to the point where I'm convinced it had to have been ghostwritten by a man. The main female character is Georgie, a woman defined by her virginity. Yeah. That's so true. We didn't even touch on that. Her clown career. She had nothing going for it. And her unexplained crush on her brother's bestie, Travis. And then he goes, Travis is a well-known womanizer and retired baseball player, also known as two bats, because his dick is also a bat, I guess. Which must explain how the many, many times the author tells you it's getting hard. I kid you not. If I had a dollar for every time Travis gets an erection, I could buy a couple copies of this book. And then she says a whole bunch of stuff, but then she goes, I could go on and list more offenses, but I'd rather stop thinking about this garbage. Honestly, and she was a virgin. He took her virginity. He gave no fucks. No. He's like, I remember reading the scene, and he was like, I don't know why I thrust so hard. Girl, calm down a little bit. Oh my god, that's so funny. Or Georgie. This is a one-star. It says, It's been a while since I hated the book from start to finish. But wow. This was not even on my radar until I saw people starting to give it five or four stars and raving about it. I respect that everyone is entitled to their opinion, but y'all done lied to me. I'm so annoyed that I don't even want to type this review. And I'm certainly not gonna say all that needs to be said, but here we go. Okay, so it goes on to say a bunch of stuff, and then it goes, Oh, and did we really need to be reminded on every other fucking page that she's a clown? Bro. We get it. She's a goddamn clown. Oh my god. We get it. We get it. And then it goes, the whole just us league parentheses, which is literally just women hanging out. Question mark, question mark, question mark, and having drinks. Question mark, question mark, question mark. It's not a club, it's just hanging out. Good god. Oh my god. Oh my god, that's so funny. This is a two-star review. It goes, I honestly didn't quite dislike this book as much as I thought I would when I first started it, and immediately got weird vibes. But a lot of my issues with it are that it is so over the top. When I say over the top, I mean numerous things. Georgie's career as a clown is a bit much. Considering she owns a house with that career. Travis calling her baby girl so much. If you made it into a drinking game, every time you said it, you'd be dead. The miscommunication at the end is dramatic, although most romance books don't quite hit the mark there for me. And the quick way Travis changes his mind about life plans is also a bit unbelievable. It was super unbelievable. Yeah. She goes on to say a whole bunch of stuff, but this one is funny because it's bolded. It says Travis Ford is a bit too much of a hot head controlling type for my personal taste in the male love interest. It's so funny because like he just didn't do it right. Yeah. He just didn't do it right. Because we love a controlling man. Anyways, continue. Two-star review. It says, I would recommend this to anyone who is on the brink of orgasm. Final push.

SPEAKER_01 37:32

Everyone else would just skip it. I mean, I couldn't even say that. That is so funny. Like people love the smud of this, but not even.

SPEAKER_02 37:43

So this is two and a half stars. It says, This is a very hard book to rate and also to review, in my opinion. It's my first Tessa Bailey book, so I'm not sure if this is her typical writing style or not. I find it a little weird to be honest. The characters didn't always make sense to me. AK The Virgin Clown Girl.

unknown 38:00

Not the Virgin Clown Girl.

SPEAKER_02 38:02

And the depressed X-Man whore ex-based player.

SPEAKER_00 38:05

That's the perfect way to describe them.

SPEAKER_02 38:09

Oh my god. Oh, that's hilarious. The b it says the book also didn't flow well for me. I found it distracting and confusing how the writing changed from steamy sex scenes and then back to the more bizarre storyline. A hundred percent. It was so fucking weird. Yeah, it was so weird. Like nothing happened in the book either. Yeah. You're so right about that. Nothing happened. It's so weird. This one has no stars. It says DNF at 52%. This is a shame because I loved It Happened One Summer by this author. But this book was so cringy and the sex scenes made me cringe. Also, when the MMC kept calling the FMC baby girl, that made me want to scream. So for that reason, I couldn't finish this book, which I'm upset about, but I couldn't listen to any more of this. Not honestly saying. Not her saying, which I'm upset about. Poor Hannah. This is a five-star. Do not let this cover fool you. This is naughty, smuddy, fantastic shit, and I loved every single second of it.

SPEAKER_01 39:02

I mean, to each their own, my guy. To each their own. At least we're done. At least we're finished, and we don't have to read it ever again. We don't have to read it ever again. No. Like we said, if you want to read it as a Bailey, read It Happened One Summer.

SPEAKER_02 39:15

Read It Happened One Summer for real?

SPEAKER_01 39:16

We have to reread that at some point. Oh, 100%. Because that book was really good. Yeah, and I read it so long ago.

SPEAKER_02 39:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 39:22

Yeah. I'm excited to like reread that. But man, this book sucked.

SPEAKER_02 39:25

Yeah. If I can remember the characters' names, that's how you know like it was a good book. Because that was what? It was Brennan? Brendan and Piper. Piper. I was gonna say Hopper. That was close. It was good enough for me.

SPEAKER_01 39:35

Travis, you're like, yeah, when I remember the names, remember the name. I remember what it sounded like. But yeah, no. And also Deep End sucked. Don't even read Deep End. I don't think I will read an Allie Hazelwood book.

SPEAKER_02 39:49

You know, it took us a long time. Like, she was on our list of maybes for a while, and the fact that we read it and DNF'd it, she's probably never gonna never gonna get there again. No, I agree.

SPEAKER_01 39:58

That's it sucks because Love Hypothesis, the movie's coming out this year, but I'm just like, maybe we'll just watch it. Maybe we'll watch it. Maybe we'll watch it and do an episode on the movie. Literally. But yeah. Alright. What a fucking flop. I'm excited for next week. Hell yeah. Next week's gonna be fun.

SPEAKER_02 40:17

Hell yeah.

SPEAKER_01 40:18

Love it.

SPEAKER_02 40:19

Okay, guys. I can't win this fucking book. I can't. Thank God it's over. Oh man. Read anything else but these two. That should be the title of this episode. Do not read. Do not read. Oh my god. All right, guys. Read responsibly, or don't.