Real Talk - Testimonies | Cody

In this episode of the Shoes Off Podcast, we continue our Real Talk – Testimonies series with our friend Cody, who shares a raw and honest story of faith, struggle, and ongoing transformation.

This episode is not about having everything figured out. It’s about the reality that God meets us in our darkest places and continues to work in us, even when the journey is messy and ongoing.

Cody’s story is still being written, and it’s a powerful reminder that God doesn’t give up on us — He continues to restore, refine, and reveal Himself over time.

Join us for a real conversation about trauma, healing, and the faithfulness of God through every season.

We'd love to hear from you -- email us at ListenToShoesOff@gmail.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to Shoes Off, a weekly podcast where we pause, take off what weighs us down, and take a step onto holy ground.

SPEAKER_03 0:10

Before we get into this conversation, we want to take a moment to prepare you for what you're about to hear. Today's episode is with our friend Cody, and his story is raw, real, and powerful. It's not a story of a perfect path or a straight line. It's a story that many people can relate to, one that includes faith at a young age, but also seasons of deep struggle, pain, and searching. Cody gave his life to Christ early on, but like so many, life brought challenges that shaped his journey in difficult ways. He experienced childhood trauma that led him down a path of drugs and alcohol, and he wrestled with PTSD along the way. But what makes Cody's story so impactful is not just what he went through. It's how God never left him in it. In this conversation, Cody opens up about some of the hardest seasons of his life, including his experience with controlled ketamine treatment and how even in those moments God was present, revealing truth, bringing healing, and continuing to pursue him. This episode is a reminder that faith isn't always about having it all together. Sometimes it's about walking through the darkest places and realizing that God is still there. He's still working and he's still shaping us. And Cody's story is still being written. God is still molding him, still revealing himself, and still bringing healing to his life. So wherever you're listening from today, we encourage you to lean in. This is a real conversation about struggling, healing, and the faithfulness of God through it all. Let's jump into our conversation with Cody. Cody, welcome to Shoes Off. How are you doing today? I'm doing good. How are you guys? Good. Thanks for being with us in person. Cody, we'll just get right to it. What was your life like before you surrendered to Christ?

SPEAKER_02 1:54

So for me, I came from a family of faith. I was saved when I was between nine and ten years old and baptized. I had a rough childhood, and as I progressed through my life, I kind of found a road to nowhere. And for me, that road to nowhere meant a lot of bitterness, loneliness, worthlessness, just really lost, you know, alcoholism, severe alcoholism, drug use. Didn't really have a purpose, you know, just felt like nothing was here for me.

SPEAKER_03 2:30

And did you feel, I guess, when you kind of went through that, you know, did you feel all along God was still there with you or speaking to you through that? Or when did you first realize, you know, it's time to make a change?

SPEAKER_02 2:42

So I always struggled seeing something that wasn't there. Yeah. Like I always been a visual person. So I had to like shift my perspective at some point to understand to talk to something that isn't right in front of you. Yeah. And, you know, for me, I was probably 18 years old at this time, and I dreamt my own funeral. And God had a way of showing me visionary things because I always struggled with not being able to see him. Right. And I dreamt my own funeral and I could see myself in my own casket. I woke up the next morning like shook and scared to death. Sure. And I was sitting there and I'm like, well, what's he trying to tell me? If I don't change my life or change my ways, am I gonna die? And that's when I slowly started to one day at a time revert to better people and better things, but I would still fall back, you know, on the bandwagon again. Come back off, fall back on. I did that for five, six years. It wasn't until I met my wife and found stability, is when, because you know, my whole life I never really had stability. I was drifting through life from couch to couch, friend to friend's house. Sure. You know, so when God introduced me to my wife is when I really started to rely on him more because it's not just about me anymore. I had to take her feelings into perspective and you know, listen for once, right? And when I did that, I didn't have anybody to call to talk about this stuff, so I started to rely on him. Okay, well, for the first time I'm gonna put it in your hands and see what you have to offer me. And he showed me, that's for sure. Yeah. But let's backtrack for a minute. So I was on my way to work two years ago, and I put a six thousand dollar engine in this truck of mine, and it was gonna be my next big thing. But you know, physically I wasn't living the fast life anymore. I was internally though, right? It was still internally like, gotta get there, gotta get there. I had like no chill mode. Well, I spent 40 hours putting in this engine, and 24 hours later, I was on my way to work, and I got hit by a semi-truck doing 55 mile an hour. He ran two red lights and he was loaded down. And when he hit me, he spun me 180 and it knocked me out, and then I got like my head hit the A pillar again or B pillar, and it's like it woke me back up. It was weird, can't explain it really, but it's like I got right out of the truck without a scratch on me.

SPEAKER_04 5:48

Wow.

SPEAKER_02 5:50

Cop came up to me, he said, normally when I pull up to these situations, he said, This the driver, the driver's dead. He said, somebody's watching over you. And you know, for a couple months I was really torn and beat up over that situation, but I started changing my perspective to understand what is God trying to teach me. Yeah, you know, I don't I always try to find the beauty in the struggle because if you don't, you're gonna stay stuck. Yeah, yeah. So I started thinking about it more, I started talking to him more, and then it hit me one day on my way to work, and I was like, he taught me that those things are replaceable, but I'm not. And that I still have a purpose here because you know, before the car accident, I was at a point where I was wanting to, you know, kill myself again. I had the wife, the kids, the cars, the house, but internally I was still dead. And that brings me to another thing. You know, I started going to church with my grandma again. Yep. And, you know, I went to church with her and I broke down on the altar, just cried. Sometimes you just gotta cry, you don't even have to say anything to him, and he knows what you need. And I was at the worst point of my life, the car accident did me in. My I have comp complex post-traumatic stress disorder and got diagnosed with that as well. So I was just getting hit all the way around. Like, like, here comes the devil again, right? Yes, yeah, yeah. Oh, we're gonna drown you, you know. And so I was at a loss again. So, and then I got introduced to ketamine-assisted psychotherapy, is what they call it. And uh so I had to undergo eight sessions of ketamine, they were like four-hour sessions. You go in with an attempt to it gives you the opportunity to heal from your past trauma. Okay, so for me, I was an only child, so I didn't have any witnesses. So, you know, it's hard for me to open up because people might look at you like, oh, this guy's just crazy, right? You know, so ketamine gave me the opportunity to relive my trauma with my inner child. So everybody has an inner child, whether they believe it or not. We all do. It's just you gotta heal your inner child before you can move on and be happy with your adult life, and so it gave me the opportunity to rewitness, like the adult version of me was able to look over my inner child and rewitness everything again. Wow. But I was nervous in that time because the devil took my childhood from me, and I was more or less scared that he was gonna come back and try to swindle his way back in when I did ketamine. Well, instead, God showed up. So journey number one. So there was two important ones the first was the opening and the closing setting. So the opening setting, you know, I prayed real hard. I'm like, I don't know what I'm gonna do, I don't know what I need to experience. And God met me and we had a conversation, and he let me talk to my grandpa's that I haven't seen in years. I was so young when they passed, you know, I really didn't get to show them what I've accomplished as an adult, you know, and it kind of does something to you. And he he showed me things, unexplainable things, like let me hear their voices, and they were telling me that everything that happened to me when I was a kid wasn't my fault. It's just some people don't do great things, you know. But, you know, and then we move on, I do a couple more to the closure setting. You know, it took me about eight months to do all them treatments. Wow. So like the closure setting was, you know, I'm like, I just need a closure here, right? And so God met me again at the end. He said, I just want you to know everything that happened to you was not your fault. It's time for you to let go and you need to start enjoying your life. Like he was taking the pain away, like an internal pain that like imagine like let's see, almost like a nervous system per se, all the little like nerves and how they intertwine. Yeah, that's how I felt my heart was. It just wasn't it was just covered in like brush, you know, layers and layers of trauma. But journey number eight, you know, we had that conversation, then he was like, you know, I want you to see your guardian angels, and I believe in them. And he showed me my great-grandmothers, both of them, great-grandma Nelly and great-grandma Slavins. And he said, you know, these two have been watching over you the whole time. Because, you know, when I was going through the worst time of my life, something always told me to never give up. Like there was two different times I wanted to take a gun and just end it all. But I I know it's the most selfish thing you can do because you you leave the burden behind for everybody else. And but it was just that internal, you know, the angel and the devil, you know. So eight months of ketamine, and then you know, here we are six months later, it decreased 70% of my depression and anxiety. Okay, I don't deal with the same things I did before, and to me that was God's work. Wow, you can say the ketamine did it, but if it wasn't for God being there for me, I don't think the ketamine would have done what it needed to do. Sure. Ketamine's just a drug at the end of the day. Yeah, it's about your intention setting and how you're willing to heal. And so that was the ketamine journey.

SPEAKER_03 11:53

So what I guess after that journey, what does the process of change look like now for you that God is working in your life? I know you're reading the Bible, we've talked about that. God works with everyone differently, but what is that process of change look like for you that God is really molding you into who he wants Cody to be right now?

SPEAKER_02 12:12

So I think he wants me to believe more like my mother than anything. For the listeners that don't know, just celebrated my mom's funeral today. She took her last breath a week ago. But you know, I read this letter and it just stated how she was selfless, caring, unconditional love. Yeah. And just wanted to see everybody be happy, and it reminded me of Jesus. You know, like they should like I feel like a mother's love is like Jesus' love. Yeah. You know, yeah, not saying a father's love isn't that, but it's like a mother is just unconditionally all the time, just like he is. A mother will never turn their back on you, and he won't either. Yeah. And you know, even when you're distant, he's just waiting for you to come back to him. And I I feel like that's what that car wrecked did for me. It was like, hey, I'm gonna show you another visual thing here. Right I need I need you just like you need me. And I think it just woke me up to be more humble, slow down, focus on the moment. You know, so the process of change is every day I just try to be a better version of myself. I try to be more obedient to him. I pray more than ever. I'm doing things I thought I'd never do. Ten years ago, Cody would have been like, oh no. No, we're gonna be able to do that.

SPEAKER_03 13:37

God has a way of I guess showing us showing us that you think sometimes the hardest person that looks like it on the outside is you know, God can just penetrate the heart. Yeah. Sounds like a little bit of the story that you kind of went through. I mean, so I guess what are those things today? I mean, there may be somebody listening that's going through that exact journey. Yeah. PTSD, maybe they had a childhood that was trauma and you know can really relate to to your story. Well, you know, we've talked about the process of change. I mean, what are some things that I guess daily you wake up you have to guard against? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 14:17

Well, guard against or struggle with, right? So I live my life in fear, like per the illness, mental illness, right? Yep. And you know, living your life in fear is very rough, you know, even when you are on proper medications, it's just the fear outweighs the happiness a lot of the time. But ever since I've been more with him, it has like been I've been more happy lately, and I'm not used to being happy, right? I always said when I'm doing something wrong, that's when I feel I should feel happy. When I'm doing something right, that's when I don't feel happy. Because it was backwards for me growing up, you know. So when I feel something like bad's going on, it's like it's normal. I can handle that. But when something good's happening, that's like I want to run the other way, you know. So I still struggle with like I guess internal happiness a little bit. And like, you know, I still struggle going out in public, you know. I do it, but like it takes everything in me to go out in public, go to a store. I still do it because it's what you have to do as an adult, yeah. But it's hard for me to enjoy the certain moments because I'm just worried about everything that's really not important. It's just that's what the illness does for me. Yeah, yeah, the hypervigilance, the always fearing something bad's gonna happen. But since I've leaned more towards him and just putting it in his hands and trying learning to trust the process he asked for me, I've been able to focus more on what matters now, and that's just my family. Yeah. Because you can lose hindsight of that real quick, you know, always worrying about tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow. Well, we're not promised tomorrow, right? Yeah, so and Matthew 6 34 is my favorite quote or verse. It says, Don't worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow will worry about itself. Yeah. And you know, tomorrow's got its own set of problems already. We don't even know what they are. Yeah. But we we know the God of tomorrow. Right. Yeah. And we know the one thing to be true is him. Yeah, he never changes. Right.

SPEAKER_03 16:32

So you've talked a little bit about that. What has God shown you about himself through the story, or what have you learned about God? Yeah. Is it his faithfulness? Is that he never changes, or he he obviously accepts you for who you are, right? We all have we all have that.

SPEAKER_02 16:47

So I always said, you know, everybody's got a past. Yep. You can either let it mold you, or you can like just make it a chapter, because he does forgive. And even when you feel like you've done the worst thing ever, he will forgive you. You just gotta ask him for it. He's shown me about himself through me is like he'll always be there no matter what. Even if you don't talk to him for six months, yeah, he may give you signs, yeah, like, hey, you know, like you could be on your way to work and just see this like word, be like, what's that mean? But it's him telling you something, you know. Yeah, the nudges. And yeah, you know, he showed me, you know, that a time when I thought I had friends that were my friends, and you know, one thing I know is God will give you uh show you every reason why you don't belong somewhere. So I've put I've been in some of the worst situations you could possibly think of, and I wanted to just continue to stay there because it's what it was comfortable for me. But he will literally let you walk through pain to see why you don't belong there until you're ready. Once you say I'm ready, I don't want to do this no more. Here he comes, yeah. You know, walking through the fire with you, right? So I walked through the fire for 20 years, and you know, he was right there with me. I just had to be more for him. Yeah, and I came out of the fire unburned. So that's awesome. Yeah, it's finding the beauty and the struggle, and you know, this artist Brian Martin, he uh me and him kind of share the same story, and he says if it were easy, we'd all do it because it'd be guaranteed at that point. Yeah, so yeah, God doesn't make anything easy because if it was, we all wouldn't have to try as hard to show our faith and be one for him. So at a time when I didn't have friends or lost my friends, God showed up for me to let me know I didn't need friends because all I needed was him to be my friend, because he's a true friend. Yeah, he he doesn't belittle you, he doesn't say, Oh, you know, you put on a couple pounds, you need to lose weight, you need to do this, you know that. He doesn't judge you, he accepts you for who you are. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 19:18

The Bible says he's a friend that sticketh closer, sticketh closer than a brother, yeah. That's pretty close. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I d I always I had only had a sister, but you know, the siblings, that's that's a close and I would definitely stick with you through that. So, Cody, you know, obviously this is a powerful journey in this in this series, we're talking about testimonies, and everybody's testimony is you know different. And we've always said this to other people that you can reach people that I can't or Isaac can't, just because of the story that you went through. Not that we would want to relive it again, but the the the power that you know God has that brought you through and showed you. So if someone that is listening today and is stuck in that place where you once were, what would you say to them?

SPEAKER_02 20:05

First thing I would say is if you feel like you're on the road to nowhere, right? And you feel like your light isn't shining anymore, God's just dimmed it a little bit to let you know you're not where you need to be. And when you're when you're willing to start putting forth the effort to be there more for him, he will show up. But one thing I learned is it's not when you want it. Yeah, it's when you need it. If it was when we wanted it, we would have everything we want. But he gives us what we need, not what we want. Yeah, it's always on his timing. Even when you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, you still gotta trust his process. You know, my light I felt was burnt out for 20-something years, and here I am today. Every day I wake up, I'm gaining my confidence back, I'm getting my my worth back, and my light's starting to shine bright again because you just it's gotta start with repenting for your past. And you know, I broke down in the car like six months ago, and I said, please just forgive me and wipe away my past. I I'm done holding on to this internal guilt. Yeah, I know I wasn't a good person, but I want to be a better person today. Wow, yeah. So when you just start to trust the process that put it at God's feet and don't pick it back up. Yeah. Because it's easy to do that, it's easy to drop something and pick it back up. Yeah, just leave that one down and keep walking, walk away from it. You know, I think it was in the book of Genesis where he told somebody, don't look back on your past and turn them into a pillar of salt, maybe. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's Lot's life. Yeah, so and you can like revert that to your life. If you're gonna keep looking back on your past, you're never gonna see. Your full purpose that he has in store for you. So true. So true. So, you know, the last two years, three years, he's worked wonders in my life. And you don't see it until after. Like when you can really feel it. You're like, now I see why. Yeah. Yeah. That's that's what that was for. Oh, you're tricky, dude. But you're good. And I, you know, I and I love that about him. It's you know, it's just just one day at a time. Yeah. One day at a time. Don't rush the process because the great things can't be rushed. You know, like a work of art. You can't rush that. Yeah. You can't rush a puzzle. You know, like I'm a mechanic. I can't rush a car. Yeah. It's not going to get done right. Yeah. So that's awesome.

SPEAKER_01 22:43

I was just thinking, and I feel like now God is giving you your past. I feel like you've used your past as something to hold you down. And I feel like God is starting to open a door for you. Yeah. To let your past now open the future for you. Right. And it's something that I think so beautiful about the Lord and Himself. It's just that, you know, and we've said it, I think we've said it to a lot of our guests lately. And, you know, I think you're just to show another example of this, Cody, is something that you used to feel shame for, something that you used to feel guilt for, something that that held you down, that you felt pinned down now. God has now given you that as a weapon. Yeah. Right. And you know, he's he's taken the the uh the ideas that the devil gave you, that he's giving you that that and saying now you're you're free from that, but now I want you to, you know, I want you to use that as a tool going forward. I want you to be able to to tell people that. I want you to be able to to be open and honestly, Cody, I think you're one of the most vulnerable people ever. Yeah, just in and talking about you know yourself and your life. But I'm just kind of curious because you and I actually got baptized on the same day. Yeah, we did. That's you know, quite a quite a venture, and I know that you and I had a special moment in that with our Papel JJ, you know, being able to baptize us both, but you know, just through your whole life, you know, so because we were saved at a young age, I think that your story shows a a very honest element of you know, giving your life to God very early on, but walking a path that felt like you were distant from God. And I think you said it so beautifully in it that you were walking away, but he was still there, right? You know, and you said that earlier, and it just it's stuck with me ever since. And I think you've just you've done a really beautiful job here, just kind of explaining that he he was there, he never left you. You know, he he he hadn't forsaken you, he was there watching you, and he's definitely been protecting you all the way through. So that's an amazing, what a powerful. I guess that wasn't a question. I just kind of bragged on you and bragged on the Lord of what he's been able to do for you.

SPEAKER_02 24:43

Yeah. So one last thing I'll say is is you know, pain will mold you to be so strong. You know, a lot of people look at pain like I can't do this, you know, this isn't for me, but like, you know, not many people knew my mom, but that woman went through so much pain. Yeah. So much and just kept a smile on her face. And uh same thing for me. We all go through pain, but you can either take it and like let it lead it to your advantage to understand pains are just lessons. They're not meant to keep you trapped in a certain place or a time warp, you know, like where you're 40 years old but you still feel like you're stuck in your childhood. Yeah, you know. There there's hope for everybody. You just first you have to put in the effort. Yeah. If you're not willing to put in the effort, don't expect anything more or less. Right. And that's just the truth about it. Yeah, you gotta put yourself, you gotta apply yourself. If you don't, you're gonna be stuck. And that that took me 20-something years to figure out. You know, playing victim only gets you so far. Yeah. Can you change the past? No. And then you you have to forgive people, you have to forgive your abusers, you have to forget the the drug user that you were, or the al how much alcohol you drank. You know, I remember going to the bars and it was about how much beer you could put down. Yeah. That meant you were a bad man, you know. No, it doesn't. That was just gonna lead me to cirrhosis. Yeah, you know, yeah, but today what makes me a bad man is praising the good Lord. Yeah, right. And you know, I never thought I'd reach a point where I just like to talk about them. Yeah. I I get shocked sometimes. I'm like, what's going on here? I'm not used to this. Like, you know, I talked to my neighbor today and we were talking about them. Yeah just out of the blue, and I'm just like, you know, God's got a purpose and a journey for everybody. You just gotta put in your you gotta put in and do your part so he you can he prepares a seat for you at a table. He's just not gonna give you the table to sit at for free. You gotta put in your time and your work. We all do, you know, just like we have two in the real world. Yeah, you know, careers, job, kids, everything.

SPEAKER_01 27:07

So well, thank you, Cody. I I'll thank you. Yeah, no, no, thank you. You know, thank you for being honest and vulnerable. And like dad said, I think your story is gonna be able to touch people that neither dad and I can reach. You know, you've you've had life experiences, and you know, I I hope that it's touched everybody listening. I know it's touched us. And you know, it just I mean, I know dad probably feels the same way, but it just I feel proud of you.

SPEAKER_03 27:31

You're you're no, you're my older cousin, but I will say, Cody, you know, your mom was very proud of you. Yeah, even in these last days, the man you became and the man that she saw, she saw this change and she was there through the process. And you know, we honor her in this episode. We we dedicate it to her, but I can tell you she was super proud of you, and we are too. And we hope this uh we hope this podcast and this testimony will just reach and so seeds in people's lives and reach others.

SPEAKER_02 28:00

Yeah, if it can just help one person, that's that's what means the most to me.

SPEAKER_01 28:05

Amen. Yeah, so that's the beauty of it. Well, let's pray. Dearly Father, Lord, thank you for today. Thank you for this opportunity that you've given us for us to to gather here in person, Lord, and to be able to just sit here and share for Cody to share his story with us, Lord. But this is not just his story, it's your story. It's a story of how you were able to change him, and how you were able to grow him. Lord, we just thank you for that. Lord, we just ask that this episode just blesses our listeners this week. God, we just ask that you watch over our listeners this week, and we just thank you for all you do in our life and you continue to do. In Jesus' name.

SPEAKER_00 28:37

Amen. Thanks for joining us on Shoes Off. Until next time, keep walking in faith. And remember, growth begins on holy ground.