Give Yourself the Credit You Deserve

This episode is your wake‑up call from your favorite podcast bestie: you’re not giving yourself nearly enough credit for everything you’ve pushed through, built, survived, and elevated. A conversation with a friend who just took the BAR exam snapped me into reality — we hype everyone else up, but somehow forget to acknowledge our own wins. That ends today.

I’m giving you the real, unfiltered best‑friend truth: when people show you who they are the first time, believe them. Stop letting people test your boundaries. Stop giving grace where accountability is due. People will always treat you the way you allow them to — and that’s not a threat, that’s a pattern.

And while we’re being honest… what’s the caliber of your circle? Think about the people closest to you. Are they aligned? Are they consistent? Are they adding value, or draining it? Analyze your connections with clear eyes, not nostalgia.

Discernment matters. Boundaries matter. Self‑respect matters. And common sense? Not common — so trust your intuition and stop ignoring the red flags. This episode is your reminder to remember exactly who you are and move accordingly.

This Is Where I Landed with Shayla
I’m in my bold, soft, God‑led becoming era — and I hope this episode reminded you that you’re allowed to take up space too. Step into your power, step into your softness, and choose the version of you that feels aligned, peaceful, and undeniable.

I want to hear from you, email me landedpod@gmail.com

Let’s connect on IG, TikTok and FB: @landedpod

Remember, you are that guy, you are that girl, you are whomever you choose to be. Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:07

Hello, hello. This is where I landed with Shayland. I'm so happy to have you here. If this is your first time landing with me, well, hello, hi, welcome. I hope that you come back again. And if you're a return lander rocking with your girl for a hot little minute, as always, hello babe. How are we doing on this glorious day, people? Technically, it is Sunday, but when you are listening to this, it could be Monday or it could be any day in the week. So, hi, good morning, good evening, good afternoon. I hope that you are well. I hope that the spirits are high. I hope that the weather is good. Fingers crossed, wherever you are. And I hope that you are just, you know, out here doing a damn thing. Your girl is very nasally today. My allergies are irritating me. It's a little windy. I did spend a good what five hours at the pool yesterday. It was 89 degrees, okay. And yeah, my first pool day of the year. It was great. Tay came and my friend Ashley. We hung out by the pool. We had sushi. It was supposed to be bikinis and barbecue, but you know, none of us know how to barbecue. So last minute there was somebody else at the pool. He was eating sushi, and Ashley was on her way. I called her. I was like, Where are you at? There's a Smith's by my house, which is the grocery store here. And she had stopped and picked us up some sushi and we had that by the pool. Uh of course, you know, DJ Shea was on the ones and twos. Um, so I was playing some good music on the speaker, and we were just vibing out, relaxing, soaking up the sun. I am definitely darker every day, or like every weekend. I feel like I'm like getting darker and darker because it's either I'm hiking eight miles in one weekend, or I'm at the pool for four hours, or I'm doing something outside. I love the outdoors though. Like, I love love love the outdoors. So it was really nice to hang out with my friends. I hadn't seen Ashley in a hot little minute. My girl has been studying, okay, and she just took the bar. So shout out to Ashley because we were talking about it yesterday, and she was like, Yeah, I've just been studying for my exam. I'm like, girl, stop saying exam. Like, you took the bar, B-A-R to become a lawyer. Like, what are we talking about? And also, that reminded me too, like, we don't give ourselves enough credit. I know that I don't give myself enough credit for a lot of the things that I do or have done. And we really do ourselves a disservice and we don't necessarily understand what we are doing, right? Like, we understand, but we don't give ourselves the acknowledgement and like hype ourselves up. Like, literally, Ashley was talking about it, and Taylor was there, and I've obviously Taylor didn't know. So when I had said, like, you know, I was like, you know, it's just so interesting to me how casually you're talking about this, as if like you didn't just take the bar. And she well, obviously, right? Like, for her, someone that's been in like the law like field, she it's like you know, like it's an exam, literally. But like for us that have nothing to do with that field, it's like, girl, you took the bar? Like, oh my gosh, that's amazing. And so I was hyping her up and just from like getting her to remember, like, that's a huge accomplishment. That's a huge accomplishment to be studying for and then taking the bar. And then also for me, I'm like, wow, I'm so cool. I have friends that are like taking the bar, like, what the heck? Becoming lawyers and shit. Like, okay, we love that. Uh, but yeah, so remember to give yourself the acknowledgement for what you are doing and what you have done because it's a big deal. You are a big deal, like, you're not little small potatoes, babe. Okay, you're you are that guy, you are that girl, you are whoever you choose to be. So keep that in mind, don't forget that, and don't let anybody, you know, like make you forget that, or let anybody downplay you or anything like that. Because what the heck? Like, that's that is huge, and what you're doing on the opposite side of this audio is huge as well. So big yourself up because you deserve that, and also make sure that you have people around you that big you up and that remind you that you are doing really cool things because that is what community is about, that is what having friends is for. If your friends are not hyping you up, then oops, are those are those your friends? Are those your friends? Are those the people that you want to be around you? I don't know. Uh sounds like you need to take a seat and think about that because yeah, when it comes to friendships, friendships, you know, I've had my share of friends, have we all? And as I've gotten older, I've realized one, what I'm looking for in a friendship, and also what I've kind of just gone along with in friendships due to time, and I think a lot of us have done that where we've had friends that have been our friends for a really long time, and so you kind of just like, oh well, that's just them. But as you get older, is that okay though? Like, are you cool with them just being them? Does that also align with who you are today? Um, and so that's something to kind of think about. I've been having a conversation with one of my friends about her friendship, and you know, I just helping her to look at things a little bit differently because yeah, yeah, your friends should treat you well. Your friend should never hurt your feelings, your friend should, you know, like, and yes, like people will mess up, right? So you may get your feelings hurt once or twice, but after the t the the second time, now you're playing with me, and I don't like to be played with. I am huge on respect. I've talked about that on this pod multiple, multiple times. Uh, one thing I don't play about is respect. You gonna respect me, okay? I don't know what meme that is, but he was like, You gonna respect me. No, you're actually going to respect me, and if you don't, then to-do audio, sarnara piece, uh, you know, bunjour is a hello, I don't know. But if it's not, I don't know. But goodbye. Uh yeah, you gotta go because that's not, we're not doing that. Y'all need to stop letting people play with y'all. And I've said that before, but I'm here to remind you stop letting people play with you, friends, family, romantic at your job, you have to demand a certain level of respect and let people know that you are not one to play with, and you have to set those boundaries to let people know how far they could take it before they start to play games. Because if we want to play games, baby, I'm gonna win every time. So I'm not one that you want to play games with, and you have to let people know that and set those boundaries, but also make sure that people are respecting you. I don't know why people nowadays let people play with them all willy-nilly, and just I I don't get that. I don't know, I'm real strict. One thing you're not gonna do is play a game with me. Uh uh. You can't talk to me crazy. You definitely can't talk to me crazy. I'm not one that you could talk to, crazy. Nope. You learn one good time to talk to me a certain amount of way, and you may not even be able to get all the words out before I stop you in your tracks. That's how y'all need to be. You know, a lot of times we allow people to well, not me, but people allow people allow people so many chances and opportunities. Why do y'all do that? When someone shows you who they are the first time, and I know you've heard that before, babe. Okay, when someone shows you who they are the first time, believe them. Okay, believe them. Because when people show up as their true authentic selves, that's who you want to see. So just keep that in mind because I've been having some really good conversations with friends who are like dating, meeting people for the first time, or we've just been talking about friendships, and I've been side-eyeing a lot of people because y'all just be letting people just do too much. Like, I don't get that. I don't know. But everybody is also different, and I'm not judging, right? Because we all have our traumas, we all have our boundaries, we all have our stand, we all have all of those things, but at the same time, I want you to remember that people will treat you the way that you allow them. Let me say that again. People will only treat you the way that you allow them. So if you allow someone to be mean to you or be rude to you or speak to you disrespectfully, um, you know, right? Like if you allow that, that's how they will treat you and they may add upon the way that they treat you because you allow it. And then sometimes we're like, I can't believe they treat me like this. Well, in the beginning, when you met Fred and Fred told you that you couldn't hang out with your friends on the weekend. Now you and Fred are three years in and you literally never leave your house. Fred showed you from the beginning what type of person that he was, but you just looked past stop looking past the goddamn red flags, okay? I clearly I need to give somebody on the opposite side of this audio some tough love. I don't know because this is I just feel I just feel this. So clearly somebody needs it because I don't need it, but somebody needs to hear it. And that is what I'm here for. Your favorite podcast, bestie. Remember, we're besties, okay? So it's okay for me to give you this type of advice because you need it. You need it. And you know, I've said this before. A lot of people don't have friends like me, okay? A lot of people don't have friends like me. A lot of people don't have friends that will let you know what it is and what it's not and what it could be and what it should be. Because we are so whatever you want to do, babe. If that no, girl, that's stupid. That's dumb. You shouldn't do that. You shouldn't allow that. Like, what? Yeah, what kind of what's the calibre of your friendships? I want you to think about that. I want you to do a little exercise to really dissect each one of your close friends. I've talked about this on the pub before. When my dad passed away, especially in the manner in which he passed away, I when I tell you I analyzed each and every person that was in my life, family included, I literally was building Rico's on people. Hate that I did that though. Hate that I did that. However, it really did teach me a lot, and that's not something that I would have ever done. I would have never analyzed people in that way if what happened to me never happened to me. And everything happens for a reason. Right? Like we all go through things to teach us lessons. And yes, that happens in friendships, right? And like all types of relationships. So when I say relationships, I'm not just talking about romantic. I mean friends, family, and it could be that you're in a romantic relationship. So there you go. But when we're in these relationships with people, right? Like you learn from every relationship that you are in or that you have. And it's up to you to be able to take those lessons and move forward with them differently. Because a lot of people learn things and then they still continue to repeat cycles. You can't that's not ideal, babe. When you learn something, you want to learn something and apply it in a different manner than how you've applied it before, especially when it didn't work. But for some reason, in our minds, right, we're like, okay, well, let me just try it. Excuse me, let me just try it again. For what? What are you trying it again for? Like, I don't I don't know. And again, maybe this is just me. Because I'm on a strict program over here that I'm not doing the same thing multiple times, expecting a different outcome, because then that just means you're what? The Lulu. Okay, that's literally like the definition of crazy doing the same thing multiple times, expecting a different outcome. No, why is it gonna be different? You also have to understand when it comes to relationships, there's two sides, right? So it's you and it's the other person. You can change, but if the other person remains the same, you trying to do the same thing with the same person is not gonna work because, and I think that's it too, is that we're like, oh well, I've made adjustments and I've changed and I've learned and I've grown. That's all good and well and dandy, babe. But if they are still the same, what do you think is gonna happen? It's just going to be you in a higher conscience with them where they were at. And then guess what you did? Yes, wasted your goddamn time that you don't have. We don't have time to be wasting, hon my brother, my sister, on the opposite side of this audio, you don't have time to be wasting. Life is short. Life is very short. Here today, gone tomorrow. Like, hate to be morbid, right? But I know that. I know that for a fact. I've seen it in multiple times in my life. It's true. We see it every day in the world. You don't have time to waste. Why are you not living your life to the fullest? Why are you accepting the bare minimum? Why are you okay with what you're okay with that you know, okay, that you should not be okay with? What is that about? And then how can we flip that? How can you begin to live your life to the fullest? How can you no longer accept what you're accepting? How can you be happy, filled with joy? Living your best life. You know, I the all of that is so important, and we allow life to pass us by so quick. And then you wake up one day and you're like, damn, that's crazy. I could have been doing this, this, this, this, and that. Or I could have, you know, had these friends, or I could have had this life, or I could have had this job, or I could have had this money, or I could have had this car, or I could have done X, Y, and Z. Whatever it is for you. Why is that? Why? Porque No, literally, why? Like, I don't understand. And I need you to again try to figure that out. Because I'm sick of this for y'all. Literally, I am. I really am. And I sit there with my friends and I listen to them, and I be giving them good shela advice, and they don't be taking it. Or they do take it, but they don't take the whole advice. Like, girl, didn't I tell you to do X, Y, and Z and say this and don't say that, and make sure you emphasize this? Like, you gotta take when people give you advice. Here's another thing that really pisses me off. My cousin does this, and I love her. She's also younger than me, so I'll be trying to give her some grace. But she'll call me, have me sit on the phone with her for hours. I'm giving the best advice of my life. Okay, at this point, call me Dr. Phil. I'm just over here, just dropping the jams, dropping the jams. You think she takes it? No. And you know why she's not gonna take it? Because everybody has to learn for themselves. And if you on the opposite side of the audio is someone like me, where you try to give people the best advice and be there for them and explain to them and all of the things, right, for them to see and have some common sense. Because you know, uh common sense is not common, right? I know, and that's what really gets me is that common sense is not common, and ooh, does that piss me off? Because what? Like, I think things should be way more simpler than people make them out to be, but again, common sense is not common, it just makes me so sad because it's like, oh my gosh, you're an idiot. I know, and that sounds really harsh, but that's kind of how I think sometimes because it's like common sense common sense should be more common than it is. I I mean honestly, it's the best policy over here, and that's how I feel, so I'm not gonna take it back. But yeah, I need y'all to think things through a little bit more, babe, okay? Because do y'all be thinking I don't know, I don't know. Some people do, some people don't. It's like 50-50, and again, that's what stresses me out because how did you get here? How do we get here? And trust me, I'm talking from experience, okay? That's why I have like I don't know, and it's funny because I have a lot of friends. Um, but I used to have way more friends, and I think that that's crazy. Um, the amount of friends that I have now and the amount of friends that I have before. But also, we are very much, I am very much in a place of quality over quantity. I never cared how many friends I had, I just had a lot of friends because of where I'm from, and I just know a lot of people, but now the quality of the friends that I have is way better, like, and it has nothing to do with the amount, it's just the quality, and it's also being aligned with people that are like-minded and that respect me and the differences that we have because you can also really quick. This is just all of this is coming to me, and I'm just saying what I'm feeling. But clearly, this needs to come out, so excuse me, you on the opposite side of this audio. I know you're picking up on something because we all have friends, we all have friends, we all have family, we all have relationships that we sometimes allow people to you know treat us a little crazy, and you live and you learn, and you don't allow that shit again, period. But when it comes to friendships that are you're different than the people, right, that you're friends with, that's totally okay. Opposites attract, that's a real thing. However, you have to have a certain level of respect for the person that's different because you guys don't necessarily align on everything, but you have to have an understanding and a mutual respect to allow that person to be different and still rock with each other with no issues. That comes into play with friendships, and that really messes up friendships because people don't have the respect for people that they think that they do, or people um like let things what is it, like go off of their back, like you know, like you peep certain things, but you don't address it, and then situations happen and it's kind of like a blow-up now because it's like, oh, you never really respected that I was different than you, right? And I think that also really hurts, and it's like it's frustrating because it's like you sometimes, and I talked about this before, we treat people the way that we want to be treated, and we shouldn't, because it puts an expectation that the person is going to treat us how we treat them and they're not, because they're not you and you're not them. And so now in my friendships and in my you know, like my relationships, just in general, I don't treat people the way that I want to be treated. I don't do that because then I'm expecting for them to do the same and they're not going to be able to. So people treat me, you know, people treat me the way that they want to treat me. However, right, like I have boundaries and respect for myself to where, you know, they know how they have to treat me. I think, you know, like I feel like I feel like I set a standard and I am just a different type of person and I have a certain uh I mean, you just can't play with me. I don't know. I like that's just how I am, and I'm just like, you're going to treat me with respect. As long as you treat me with respect, I'm cool. Like, and again, I don't put an expectation on people to treat me the way that I treat them because I know that they're not going to be able to do that. But then that also comes to the type of person that you deal with when it comes to friends, family relationship, right? Like to know that they are they have some sort of integrity and they have respect and they have morals and they have uh hello common sense, um, to where they will treat you in a manner that is conducive and aligns with how you would want to be treated. Oh, Shayla. Oh, god dang it. I literally be talking on here and it just starts to flow in, and I'm just like, wow, like that was actually really good. Like, as it's coming out, I'm like, wow, that was good. Because that's true, right? Like, you shouldn't put those expectations on people to treat you the way that you want to be treated, because then ultimately you are going to be hurt, and then we get upset with the person because it's like, how dare you treat me this way? I uh, you know, I treat you the way that I want to be treated, okay? And what does that have to do with me? You treat me the way that you want to be treated. That's not how, like, you know what I mean? And it's kind of like when even when you talk about like love languages and shit like that, like, you know, your love language can be um, I don't know, physical touch, and theirs could be words of affirmation. Now we're talking about relationship, but this is the only way that I can like correlate in this manner, but right, so it's like if they like physical touch, but you like words of affirmation, you have to be able to meet in the middle to ensure that both are being cared for in the way in which they like to be cared for, right? So even in friendships where, like, you know, like maybe you and your friend, your friend likes to spend quality time and they like to hang out, um, but you don't necessarily Like to hang out that much. Um, and so it's like finding somewhere in the middle to be able to meet to where you guys are both receiving the type of friendship that you want to have, right? Like, if like your friend, I know for me, I give like unsolicited advice sometimes, but I I stopped. So I'm in recovery, and now I and now I will ask when my friends are talking to me about something. I'm like, do you want my advice? Because my advice sounds exactly like how I've been talking about for the past 22 minutes. Like, I'm very direct, I'm very honest, I'm very transparent, I'm very vulnerable, but I'm telling you how it really is, and I'm not sugarcoating it for you. So I know now, right, like in my friendships, that it's best for me to ask if they want my advice because sometimes people want to come to you to vent and get their feelings out, and they don't necessarily want advice. So, as uh, you know, like and that's a good example too, right? Like knowing how to be friends with someone. Like, I know my friends that they call me, they talk to me about something. I can just go and give them my advice as we're talking. But then I also have friends that I ask them because they could be like maybe like more sensitive, right? Or maybe they just they have moments where they just want to express themselves, and I know that, and so I'm mindful of that, and so then I will ask, okay, like, would you like my advice? And if they say no, cool, like, and if they say yes, cool. So it really just is finding that middle ground to be able to understand how to be in relationship, period. Um, but also valuing yourself, okay, and prioritizing yourself and ensuring that you are number one in all relationships that you are in, and that there is a level of respect for you that you are to receive from the person that you are in a relationship with, friend, family, or romantic. Period. Okay, well, that's the friendship episode, the relationship episode. We'll call this one relationship shit because yeah, basically. So I hope that you enjoyed that. I did. That was really good. Um, connect with me. Okay, what did you learn from this episode? Do you need more advice? Like, what's the vibes? What's the tea? Let me know. I want to know. You can email me at landedpod at gmail.com. L-A-N-D-P-D. Oh, wait, can I spell? No. L-A-N-D-E-D-P-O-D at G Mol.com. Or you can follow me on Instagram, TikTok, and Facebook. Uh, Instagram and TikTok is best. I'm about to get like do away with the Facebook. I don't know, but we'll keep it. But really, it's Instagram and TikTok. I'm not on TikTok, but we do post on TikTok, so that's my transparency moment. But if you want to chat with your girl, uh, hello, Instagram DM me at landed pod l-a-n-d-ed p-o-d. That's where you can find me. That's where I will be. And uh yeah, we're posting episodes Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. 3 a.m. PST, 6 a.m. EST every week. We are getting down to the well, we're already in the second half of the season. This will be episode 19. We, you know, the landed pod produces 31 episodes every season, so we are chucking down to the end. Um, and yeah, I'm gonna have some special guests on. I wanted this first half of the season to be all me. And then toward uh the second half, which we are now in, like I said, to bring on some peeps. So stay tuned for that because yeah, I'm bringing my friends, they're gonna come to the closet, and we're gonna have a good little time. So that is coming uh probably in the next next few episodes. It won't be this week, but in the following week. So that'll be what? This is 19, 20, 21. So somewhere between episodes 2022 and 31, you'll get some guests. So that'll be fun. But I hope that you have been, I know that you are, so it's no hope. I know that you have been enjoying this season. Um, and yeah, I want to hear from you, so be sure to follow the pod on all of those platforms, and then also don't forget, I created a playlist for you. Um, and since we're talking playlists, let me just say Jack Harlow, that man came back after three years and said, you know what, I am tapping into something different. We don't know the old Jack, the new Jack is here. Monica, it's categorized as RB and soul, and it is exactly that. If you want to listen to a and it's literally 28 minutes, less than 30 minutes, if you want to listen to a nice album that he is he talking about Monica. Okay, whoever Monica is, shout out to Monica. I don't know, but what Tay was over yesterday. I played it on the on my uh uh what's it called? My vinyl speaker, and we just chill. Oh my gosh. Trade places, love it, uh Prague, love it. Move along, loved it. All of my friends loved it, Living Alone loved it. All of it, honestly, all how many songs? Ten songs. I love them all, to be honest, and I've never been a Jack Harlow fan. I've only listened to the ones that were on the radio and were mainstream, and I barely like those, but they was cool. But this R B and Soul is his lane. That's his I put the whole album on the playlist, babe. All ten songs. I just moved it right over there. Um, also, since we're talking about music, and you guys know I love music, that's my love language. Um, Sailor S-A-I-L-O-R-R. Okay, I stumbled upon her the other day. Coconut tea. Love it, love that. Go listen to that. It is on the pod uh playlist, so I made it really easy for you. Also, Bad Bitches by Dustin Conrad and Kaylani. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. ASAP by Maya, and then she has 21 Savage on there. I said now Maya girl. We love to hear it. ASAP ASAP period. Okay, yes, we love it. It's some good little uh new music that I've added on there throughout the week that I have stumbled upon, um, or just songs that I really just enjoy that I wanted to add on there, but yeah, it is right now I've been having some good music on there, so we got about three hours and four minutes um added to uh to the you know to the pod. I mean to the pod ball, I mean to the pod playlist. I'm also okay, because I love you, I see you, I hear you. I'm going to create the same playlist on Spotify. So once that is completed, I will let you know so that way you can go and follow me over on Spotify and catch up on the vibes as well. So I'm really, you know, I'm doing big things for y'all because two playlists is kind of crazy. Um, but you're worth it. I love you, you deserve it. So yeah, I'm going to create that and then yeah, actually, I'm doing it right now. So you can go to Spotify and look up Landed Pod Vibes, same as it is on Apple Music, and you can tap in with me over there. I'm going to, like I said, create the same exact playlist. So wish me luck because I want to put them in the same order. In case you just want to go straight down through, you can do that, or if you want to shuffle. Ideally, shuffle is the best, but you can literally just play from front to the end. Um, because yeah, the vibes are good, but the playlist will um will be a vibe on shuffle. I have a little bit of everything on there. Some things may surprise you, and you're like, oh my god, Shayla listens to that. Uh, yeah, Shayla listens to everything, babe. Okay, it is heavy RB, hip-hop, some rap on there, like I said, affirmation, some um Afrobeats, uh some gospel, worship music on there, but yeah, the vibes are high. So go over to now uh Apple Music and Spotify and check in with the Landed Pod Vibes playlist. Be sure to follow me on there and follow me on Instagram, TikTok, and Facebook, all at Landed Pod L A N D E D P P O D. And remember, you are that guy, you are that girl, you are whomever you choose to be, and I love you. Now, why does it want to end?