When the Waves Come Back

Oh hello, old friend.
As I’ve shared before, grief comes in waves—and with the wild series of events approaching, I can feel those waves slowly gathering themselves again. Triggers are real, and they stir up emotions you thought you’d already sorted through. In the midst of it all, it’s important to remember that they are just waves. Like life, they ebb and they flow.

Give yourself grace. Remember that it’s okay to not be okay. It happens, and it’s human. Sometimes you really do need to take the day off, even when you know you’re coming back to a mountain of work—because clearing your mind and grounding yourself matters more than powering through. That pause is what keeps you from drowning.

I’m proud of my growth and the way I’ve learned to swim—to stay afloat instead of getting swallowed whole by the waves that grief brings. So hello again, old friend. I knew I’d see you, and this time, I’m meeting you with strength, softness, and a steadier heart.

This Is Where I Landed with Shayla
I’m in my bold, soft, God‑led becoming era — and I hope this episode reminded you that you’re allowed to take up space too. Step into your power, step into your softness, and choose the version of you that feels aligned, peaceful, and undeniable.

I want to hear from you, email me landedpod@gmail.com

Let’s connect on IG, TikTok and FB: @landedpod

Remember, you are that guy, you are that girl, you are whomever you choose to be. Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.

Transcript

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Hello, hello. This is where I landed with Shaylin. I'm so happy to have you here. If this is your first time landing with me, well, hello, hi, welcome. I hope that you come back again. And if you are a return lander and have been rocking with your girl for a hot little minute, as always, hello babe. How are you guys doing? I'm really enjoying starting off each episode asking how you're doing because guess what? I care. I really want to know how are you doing on the opposite side of this audio. I hope that you have been well. I hope that you have been taking care of yourself and all of the lovely, lovely things. You know, you know what I want to talk about? I haven't talked about it in a hot little minute, but let's talk about it. My old friend grief. Yeah, you know, those waves really are just something else, and I don't necessarily like them. I'm not the fan, you know, like the biggest fan of the waves and stages of grief, but grief really does hit you in waves, and that's okay. It's okay to be on the up and up, and then just one day you just don't feel the best, and sometimes it takes a little bit longer to be able to understand what could be um impacting you. Some may even say triggering you. And yesterday, my grandma and I we were on the phone per usual and we were talking, and um, you know, we have some tough, I call it like it's like two and a half weeks where we go from March 26th, which is when my brother passed away, to April 6th, which is his birthday, to then April 11th, which is when my dad passed away. And what a series of events, right? Like March 26th, April 6th, and then April 11th. And March 26th and April 6th was it was difficult enough, okay. But then um, you know, adding in another date where it's just so difficult to kind of process. Um, I typically do struggle around this time, um, and it's always interesting because you don't know until it happens, right? Like you don't know how the lead up is going to impact you until it actually happens. And last night I was so anxious about so many different things, and my dreams were all over the place. I could barely sleep, I was hot, then I was cold. I was taking out the off the covers, putting the covers back on, under the sheet, not under I was literally going through it, and it was so insane, so much so that I really did need to have a day to myself, and I you know it kind of sucks, right? Because like when you have the flexibility of taking time, like yes, you want to be able to take the time, but you still don't want to take the time because it's like you have a job, and like the last minute, like quote unquote, like call-offs, and then like you get like anxiety about having to call off, and like, right? Like, we all feel these things where it's like even if you are going through something, you don't necessarily want to take off of work. And I've talked about this before, which is like you should though, you really, really should, and I know for me that I have to listen to my body though, I have to, you know, really tap in and understand when something could be going wrong, and recognize it immediately because I just can't afford to just like let shit slide and not pay attention to myself, and a lot of times we do that. Also, I just want to share. Obviously, you did not hear an intro, therefore, guess where I am. I am on the roof, but I am on a different rooftop, and when I tell you I'm up here lounging, um, I woke up this morning, sent my message uh that I wasn't gonna be online, and then got back in the bed. I slept for a good four hours. I woke up around one o'clock, and then uh made something to eat. I watched this show, I've been watching Cross on Amazon Prime, which is really, really good. So good that I ended up getting freaking no ads on Prime. Insane, but anyway. Um, and also I really enjoy that show, but I think that show is also triggering me, and that's the thing when you have trauma, is you have to be very careful about what you consume. And I started to talk about consumption in the last episode, but I didn't really dive into it because I did not understand yet, but now a day later, after watching the show, which again I really do enjoy the show, and I think that is what sucks when you have trauma, is you cannot, there's certain things that even though you want to indulge in it, you just can't, and I am like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place because I really do enjoy that show, but I know that it's going to trigger me, and I know that it already has. Right? I know something so simple as a show, and uh the reason why I can't watch the show is because there's a lot of like murder in it, um, senseless murder in it. And if you know, you know, a little bit about my trauma and where it stems from, then totally makes sense, right? Um, and yeah, there was also a show that I used to watch uh that one of my friends put me on. It was uh it's called Caramo, and it's like one of those like Maury-esque type of shows. I couldn't watch that because it was also triggering. Um and yeah, it just reminded me so much of certain like family dynamics, and yeah, couldn't watch that show. There was also another show that I was watching similarly to Cross, where it was like one of those investigative shows where, like, you know, they were investigating murders. I had to stop watching um watching that, and I don't realize it right like until it happens, and just being mindful of your triggers and also being really soft with yourself in those moments when you do realize that you are being triggered because it can be frustrating. Like I said, right, it's like I really enjoy the show, the acting is really good, the storyline is also really good. Um, but it's triggering to me, um, because of my trauma, and that sucks. It sucks a lot, actually. It sucks a lot, and it can be very frustrating because sometimes I just wish that like I could and I I'm like trying to be sensitive in the way that I say this for myself, but also other people because I don't want to like for other people on the opposite side of the audio that have experienced trauma and that are like working through that, right? Like it's sometimes so hard. And it's not something that a lot of people can understand, like they can sympathize and empathize with you, but like having an understanding is really difficult, and yeah, like I I uh I want to use the word normal, but I know that that's not like the right word, right? And I like what I'm experiencing is abnormal, and I think sometimes that irritates me too. That irritates me too because it's like my experiences are not normal life experiences that people experience, and I think when I watch them on TV, it reminds me of that. So I've noticed also that I've stopped watching certain things, like a lot of the things that I watch now are uh like reality TV shows, and you know, like I love Thousand Pound Sisters. I've been watching that for years now. Comes on TLC, um Housewives of Potomac, like I watch a lot like uh Abbott, I watch a lot of lighthearted shows because the heavier ones, um, yeah, they they hit a little different, and like I said, while I do enjoy them, those shows they I mean clearly they do trigger me even when I don't realize it, and yeah, so I guess I'm gonna have to cancel my ad free because I'm not gonna be able to watch that show anymore. I also think it's important to be able to laugh sometimes, you know. Sometimes you do have to laugh to keep from crying. And I was um I'm up on the roof, like I said, I'm not on my normal roof, I'm on the roof that is attached to the like clubhouse and pool area, and it's really cute up here. Um it's very well lit, it's not like mine, it's very different. There's like cute little high and low seatings. I've been laid out on this like L-shaped couch that they have up here. Um, and I was watching the sunset, and uh, I was uh at the pool earlier. I was reading, I read a good about four chapters, five chapters, I think. So I'm happy about that. Um, and then I came up here, uh, I watched uh a reading, which was really good. Um, and all day I've kind of just been trying to figure out what happened, um, because I haven't been feeling anxious like that, and so I knew that something happened, I just wasn't sure what. And the only thing that's new is the show, and it makes a lot of sense, it makes a lot of sense, clearly. Um, and then also just like preparing, like mentally preparing for the weeks ahead. Um, and talking to my grandma yesterday, um, and she was saying that she was thinking about them yesterday. Um, and I tried to be a place and a space where my grandma can freely talk and express her feelings because she does not do that. She uh she suppresses her feelings, which is not a surprise, right? Like a lot of older people do that because they they did not grow up sharing how they felt. Um, and so I've always tried to explain to my grandma the importance of expressing herself and why that's so important. Um, you know, as a millennial granddaughter, I feel like that is our responsibility to our grandparents to be able to do, um, and even our parents and getting them to understand the importance of expressing themselves. Um, and yeah, yeah, I just wanted to share that, you know, with someone on the opposite side of the audio who may be just living life, right, and going through life. Um, but as someone that does live with trauma, um, you know, sometimes I also forget, which is wild, that I most definitely was diagnosed with PTSD, and I try to live a life where I, you know, like a quote unquote like normal life, and I don't I really try not to allow those things to uh sit too heavy on me or allow them to like dictate the way that I do things or the way that I look at myself or things like that, because that's just something that I have experienced, which has caused me to have that um diagnosis, right? And there's a lot of us that are diagnosed with uh anxiety and depression, PTSD, uh bipolar disorder. There's so many of us that are struggling um in our own ways, and while it may not always present itself, there are moments where it does, and it can be really overwhelming. And one of my really close friends, she's been she's been struggling um this week, and she was just saying, like, you know, mentally it's just been really hard for her, and I think a lot of times why it is so difficult is because we choose to retreat and don't share instead of sharing and reaching out to our community. And she had told me she was like, she had texted me, she was like, I'm gonna go silent for a little while, and I was like, Why? Even though I knew why, but you're gonna tell me why, okay, because I don't know. I also want you to acknowledge the way that you're feeling, and she had said, like, you know, she's just have a lot on her mind, and you know, like it's stressing her out. And I told her, I said, well, okay, but if I don't hear from you, you know, if I if you're too silent for too long, like you'll hear from me, that's why I told her. Um, which she already knows because when she's silent for too long, I will call you, or I will reach out to you and just check in just to make sure that you're okay. And I'm okay. I just want to share that I'm okay. But sometimes we do have those moments where the you know the waves just hit you. And that's normal. And this is something that you know I have dealt with March 26th will be eight years. Eight years since my brother passed away, eight years since I got on a plane, and flew oh actually I flew to Houston March 25th, and I think that's the thing too, is you just remember the lead up, you remember where you were, you're it's just a lot. It's just a lot. It's a lot and yeah, yeah, it'll be eight years since my brother passed away. It'll be three years since my dad passed away on April 11th, and eight years is a long time. Three years is a long time, and I just miss them a lot. I miss them a lot. A lot, a lot, a lot, a lot. More than I can ever express. And it it's okay to miss your people, and it's okay to remember them however you remember them. It's okay to go back and look at pictures and videos. Um, I know that sometimes it's really difficult to do, um, because it just brings up so much emotion, but it's okay, you know, if you need to do that, if you want to do that to make you feel that comfort. Um and yeah, pictures, videos, I have voicemail uh voicemails that my dad would leave me. And um, yeah, now I am known for my voicemails. If I call one of my friends and they don't answer, I'm definitely leaving a voicemail because what the heck. Um, and yeah, so now I'm like the friend that leaves a voicemail, but they're always funny. I could be cursing them out. I don't know, it just depends. Um, but it'll be a nice memory just to have, you know. Um, and that is one thing that through loss, it has taught me that memories are so important, and I always try to get a picture with my friends whenever I'm with them, even if it's one that I don't post because we look a hot ass mess, just having the picture um is so important because I have no pictures with my brother. None. None. I have no pictures of us together, and that hurts my whole being every time I say it out loud, every time I think about it. I have no pictures of us together, but I have so many amazing memories, and I'm just so thankful for that. So love on your people, you know, love on your people. Let them know how much they mean to you. Let them know that you care about them, let you know that let them know that you're there for them. Yeah, I just I wanted to share that because again, I know that I'm not I'm not alone. And we've all experienced loss in some way, shape, or form. And it is okay to not be okay. You know? It's okay to not be okay. And I know I said that I was okay earlier, and I feel like I'm okay, but maybe I'm not which wouldn't be a surprise because I know what's coming up, and I just need to continue to process that and yeah. But maybe I am okay, and this is what being okay looks like being able to acknowledge my feelings and see, you know, and be able to be aware in a way that I haven't been able to before. I don't know, but something was on me to just record. I didn't have to obviously share any of this, but it's important to be transparent, especially where this podcast started. Um and all that I have shared, I would be doing myself a disservice because this is always, you know, for me to go back and reflect upon. And ultimately, or not ultimately, but in the midst of that, right? It's an opportunity for you as well to be able to reflect and also learn something new. Um, and so yeah, this is my you know, my little virtual diary that I share with you. Um, and I am thankful for you on the opposite side of the audio. And please know that you are never alone because you have me, and you can connect with me on Instagram and TikTok. I am on Facebook as well. All at landed pod l-a-n-d-ed-p-o-d. That's where you can find me, that's where I will be. You can also email me uh landedpod at gmail.com. I've made it super simple for you. Couldn't literally can't be any easier than that. Also, because I love you, I have made a podcast of all the vibes that I share here and the music um that I've been listening to uh on Apple music as well as Spotify. I have to add to the Spotify, but go ahead and follow that. It's Landed Pod Vibes, L-A-N-D-E-D-P-O-D, space vibes, and then like the cute little I don't know what it's called, the little biby gold thingy, but you'll see it up there, and you'll know exactly what I'm talking about, and yeah, so also the landed pod profile, uh, like you know, the landed pod photo is up there, so you will know that it is me shining in the green. My hair is flowing in the wind, I am glowing, and I am smizing, honey. Okay, because if Tyra Banks didn't teach us anything from that goddamn America's next stop model, she did teach us how to smise, so yeah. Okay, I'm out of here. As always, remember okay, you are that guy, you are that girl, you are whomever you choose to be, and I love you.