Taking the Mask Off: Breaking Down the Mental Barriers of Being Myself Online

A more personal episode of The Hones-Tea Podcast and a new format. Less structured, more real. Think podcast meets vlog.

A recent tarot reading asked me whether I wanted to be a teacher online or whether I just wanted to show up and share my life. It cracked something open. This episode is the result.

I talk about:

• The fear of being fully seen online and the witch wound behind it
• People pleasing and what happens when you realise you don't even know your own opinions
• Why I made a financial decision I'd been avoiding for months
• Periods, emotions, and why our most difficult days are often our most clarifying
• Aries season 2026 and learning to rest inside the push
• Finding joy again — dance classes, romance books, and remembering what I actually like

If this resonates and you're ready to start doing something about it, I work with women using EFT tapping, Human Design, astrology and somatic practice. Come find me at www.lbaldwin.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

The Honesty Podcast is a space for women who know that they're meant for a life that's full of magic, excitement, and wonder. If you're ready to reconnect with your power and listen to that inner knowing that says you're meant for more, grab a tea, take a breath, and let's begin. Hi, and welcome back to another episode of the Honesty Podcast. A slightly different episode today because I have been really thinking about how I once turn up online, and I do think I want to start vlogging a little bit more and just sharing a bit more of what's happening, who I'm seeing, my friendships, business, the lessons that I'm learning because I do feel like I'm somebody who is constantly learning and developing through experience, and then being able to share that. If you are watching, I feel like it's for a reason and you'll maybe resonate and maybe learn a few things, but rather than it be like me just sitting with a theme and educating, I would rather just share about my life, and then I feel like I can keep turning up and doing this. It's really authentic and in the moment, rather than trying to be polished, which I think is something that I've definitely been trying to do on the last couple of podcasts, which worked, it was all good, but at the same time, like today, I had a cold last week, I've come on my period, I'm really heavy. Like, I just don't want to sit here and do this, to be honest, or at least I do want to sit here and do this, but just be able to be honest, which is what the podcast is anyway, isn't it? It's the fucking honesty podcast. If I cannot say it on here, where can I say it? And I really love watching YouTube videos and following people who you can just see their personality come through on the videos, and a huge thing that I have been working through the last couple of weeks is authentic self-expression. I got asked in a Tavo reading, well, this is a theme that came up was basically taking the mask off online. And I'm not saying I've sat here and tried to put a mask on and be a different person, but I definitely think anybody should be able to relate to this where when you aren't used to being online and videoing yourself, there is like a weird thing we do. It's like we almost protect ourselves by putting up a bit of a wall, and even as I'm talking now, like I'm definitely not talking to this camera how I would speak to my partner or my friends. There's like a a nervousness, and the only way to break that down is by practicing more. So during the tarot reading, I was asked, you know, do I do I want to be more of a teacher in the online space and just have it very sort of structured in like I suppose how I have been doing the podcast, so this is the theme I'm gonna talk about and I'm gonna educate. Or did I want to be more of a sharing my real moments and the lessons sort of come from that instead, and I think I was leaning way more towards just sharing my life experiences and finding that connection with an audience through just being a hundred percent who I am, but that's just gonna take practice, I think, because that just doesn't feel natural at first when we do things online, like even smiling. I'm like, I'm such a smiley person in real life, but sitting here and doing this, it's like I can feel my mouth being weird. I'm just being honest, like I feel like all of us can relate to it a little bit, and yeah, I just don't want that to stop me from being able to just come on here and be myself. So I actually I'm in my pyjama pants with a jumper on that I would just wear around the house. I didn't really feel like doing this. I'm getting my hair done tomorrow, so that was another excuse that kept coming up. And so yeah, I just want this to be real and to share real experiences and grow in that way. And I think you know, it's hard to show up as who we are because I do think there's like a real fear of being seen and judged, which let's be honest, even my favourite creators, oh, I just go to the comment section and it's brutal. So I do think, like, especially as women, there is a witch wound there of you know being burnt at the stake and people turning up with the pitchforks, and I think even the people with the best intentions somewhat do this. Either we do it with friends behind people's backs in the workplace, or we'll see a post online and then counter it with a post that's completely the opposite because you just need to get your points across. I just see it so much, and so yeah, when I got asked this question in the tarot, it was like, who do I want to be? And it I had to sit and really be honest about that, and I was like, I just yeah, I want to show up, I want to do vlogs, I want to have fun. I have my Mercury in the fifth house of creativity, so like being able to communicate in this really fun, organic way is just something that I really want to do. But the what was stopping me was yeah, this just this fear, so I don't want to live my life like that, so I just thought, fuck it, I'm just gonna do a vlogcast, if that's even a thing. So this is what this is is just me showing up being myself. And as soon as I had decided after the tarot reading that I was gonna focus on authentic self-expression, I got a cold and a really sore throat. So I did like three days of it where I was trying to record little reels and speaking to the camera, even if I wasn't gonna post, just to break down this fucking wall I've got. And um yeah, I ended up just really sick for a week. Um, so now here I am. But it meant that I could watch videos of people who really are authentic, and I was laughing out loud because you can just see the personalities coming through. I I think now more than ever it's so important to have people who are genuine online because we have AI, we have so many people selling different things. Like I'm all for businesses, like entrepreneurs, success, I love that, but I think it can be very overwhelming, and I think that there is this real need to make money, and I think sometimes in business you can well, I personally feel like I can see in the online space when someone's motive is to make money over like a deeper purpose, and I know that I just have been on such a journey since being in my late teens of putting weight on my self-worth being really low, boys being horrible, like I'm with the best person now, but it took some time even within this relationship to feel really comfortable to find my voice within this relationship. Friendships ending that lasted, you know, 20 years. It was hard, and then finding new friendships and learning how to be myself in that kind of space and finding spirituality, astrology, becoming a yoga instructor, becoming an astrology guide, you know, just so many things. I've really felt like I've grown a lot over the last 10-12 years, and I'm in such a good space now that to be able to help other people do that is my big purpose. But in doing this kind of work, we can definitely lose ourselves as well. So, in the theme of authentic self-expression, you know, when I was sat with this tarot lady, it was the best session ever, honestly, it really got me thinking like, who am I to be showing up online? Because I was so focused on everybody else, and how could I be this person who like makes a difference to other people that I lost myself a little bit along the way, and I think that this year just needs to be about me really stepping into who I am, owning my opinions. You know, I actually said to my boyfriend, I was like, because he's honestly like the type of person that just does not give a shit, he is a hundred percent who he is, and that's one of the things I really love about him, and he's really brought that side out of me, like you know, like he questions me sometimes, being like, is that definitely what you want? And you know, like if you don't want to do this thing, then just say no and put boundaries in place. Like he really has helped me do that over the last couple of years, but he'll be watching something, and whether I agree with him or not, he has his opinion and he's just a hundred percent behind what he thinks, and yeah, we can have a healthy debate about things and maybe he'll change his mind, but in that moment he's just like, Yeah, this is what I would think, and so what? Do you know what I mean? So I just thought, I am so worried about what everybody else thinks about me that I don't even know what my opinion is. Like, I would I think that's why I was like struggling so much to show up online because I thought, well, if I post this opinion or this belief, and then someone attacks me for it, I can't even say that I I a hundred percent believe it, and if somebody was then to argue with me, I'd suddenly agree with them, and I just was so like conflicted internally over what I actually believed that I had to really sit with it, and probably a good job I had a cold because I actually had to sit with it. Um, and even when I was saying this to my boyfriend, I was like, Yeah, so then you know, I was been I've been thinking and I don't even know what I think about this, and blah blah blah, and he was like, Well, you should just do this, this, and this, and I was like, No, I actually just can't listen to you anymore because this is what I do. I'll I'll then listen to this, you know, piece of advice and and then take it without really digesting whether it's something that I fully back. And I think a lot of us can feel like this, especially if you know, if you resonate with this, then you know I'm a people pleaser, and it's like I've been working on this slowly in certain areas of my life, but it really shows up with strangers so much. The thought of upsetting somebody online terrifies me, and it's not like I'm sat here like with like mental beliefs or anything, but it's just yeah, the thought of even showing up authentically and and that upsetting somebody, yeah. It's been a big thing that I've had to unpack, and so yeah, I've just been doing this exercise over the last couple of weeks where if I see a video online and I I'm like, oh my god, yeah, I really agree with that. I've just been writing it down, like okay, this is a belief that I have because I've watched this thing or I've read this thing and my body has reacted in a certain way, like I fully agree with this belief or opinion that this person has. So, yeah, it's just been a process, and I think it's gonna take some time, but again, the only way I can really work through this is by doing these videos as well and having fun with it too. Like, I don't ever want to dread sitting down and recording a podcast. I don't ever want to feel like I won't go for something in my life because somebody else thinks a certain way of me. Because I know that I'm a good person, I think all of us do, you know, we can't fully share everything in our lives in the online world, so people do form opinions, and I know that hurt people hurt people as well. So a lot of the time when I do see people popping off in somebody's comment section and they've literally shared what book they like, then I just think you're a hurt person trying to hurt a person, and this is like a a big part of the work that I do is helping people work through triggers and emotions and find themselves and be comfortable in their own skin, so it's only natural that I have to do it too, and that is what life is, isn't it? We're all still unpacking things. So yeah, it's been a couple of weeks of just reflecting an illness, and oh my god, I just yesterday had like the biggest breakdown where you know when you're just on your period and it's you're just emotional, and you're like, Oh, there's no reason why I'm emotional. And I actually messaged my friend and was like, I I honestly think periods are here to help us see what is going on beneath the surface so that we can turn up post-period and just have the best week ever. And I think a lot of the times we'll be like, you know, I'm emotional for no reason, but there's always a reason. Our emotions are just energy emotion, like they are just literally trying to teach us something. So I just sat and journaled yesterday, I was not feeling right, and made some big decisions financially as well that I've been putting off again over the fear of letting people down. It's been a it's been a thing. But I feel a lot better for it now, and actually taking authority, even over money, it's my like I literally work for it, and I was scared of letting people down because I couldn't continue paying them for editing this podcast when you know I can edit it, and yeah, it just was a big thing. But through practice makes perfect. So here we are. On a positive note, I have been reading some really cute romance books. For me, reading is just such a dream. I love it. A Court of Thorns and Roses got me back into it years ago. I'm a big romanticy girly, and then I've also been reading some contemporary pieces recently, which have put me in a really nice mood this week when I wasn't feeling well. So that's been wonderful. And today I'm heading out to a friend's house for an Easter dinner, even though I'm not religious, but growing up, going to an all-girls Catholic school and with a Catholic family, I think it's just natural in the UK to celebrate Easter. So yeah, we're gonna go around and have amazing food. My friend Billy is just the best cook in the world, so I always really look forward to dinners at at him and um my friend Gabby's house, and yeah, I think it'll just be a lovely, lovely Sunday. And then this week I'm just sort of stripping back all of these big bits of pressure that I put on myself within my business again, so that I can like focus more on the joy. I think that's been a really big thing I've realized over the last couple of weeks, too, is that everything has been about work or studying, and then also have an EA role to help me financially while I build my business up, that I had just even forgotten what joy felt like. And in reading these romantic books, the protagonist always is working too hard, ends up in a small beach town somewhere in like America or Canada, and then realises what life's all about and finds like the joy in the small things and goes to the beach loads and just feels free, and then ends up just having the best life. But it did make me reflect and just think, what have I actually been doing for fun recently? And like I know that I've done it to myself, but life has just felt like so good but so heavy recently, where yeah, there's just not a lot of me time or even questioning that. So yeah, I've just sort of stripped back. I'm gonna focus on doing this, which is exciting and fun. I'm gonna just put my energy into this sort of podcast slash vlog, might even try and video going around certain places and see what that feels like, and then I have also been looking at what else fills me up with joy, and as a little girl I love to dance, so I did that this morning. I booked on a dance class for in a few weeks, so we'll see how it goes. But yeah, just trying to slowly find myself a little bit again. I think 2026, even astrologically, is a big year. I do feel like you can feel that energy, can't you? Of especially now we're in Aries season, around the 15th of 16th of April, a lot of planets are going to be in Aries. Love Aries, it's cardinal push-forward energy, but you can really feel it. And as someone who is sensitive, you know, I I can feel myself pushing and pushing and pushing. So I think it's really important again to just like have days where it's like, okay, what is working for me? Where am I pushing in the right place? Where am I pushing to try and prove something of myself? What is working, what's not. Um, and then also just finding that balance of work and play, which is what life's all about, isn't it? So yeah. Anyway, I hope you have a lovely day. I am gonna be editing this myself for the foreseeable. So if it's rubbish, I apologize, but again, we're just keeping it real. This is what it's like to start something new, to start a business, to start a podcast, to put ourselves out there. It is not refined, it is messy and chaotic, and I think we need to see more of that. So I'm gonna lead by example and just be that person who is showing up as is. And yeah, I yeah, I hope you have a lovely day, and I will see you in the next episode. I work with women who know that they're meant for more. If that's you, you'll find everything you need in the show notes.