Stop Controlling the Outcome: What Happened When I Finally Let Go

An honest episode of The Hones-Tea Podcast about what happens when you stop forcing things and actually let life flow.

Over the last few weeks I've been releasing control of the how in my business and personal life. Journalling, breathwork, choosing joy, trusting the universe. And the opportunities that landed as a result were ones I never could have planned for including co-leading a breathwork and flower painting workshop that came completely out of nowhere.

In this episode:

• Why being bad at something new is a rite of passage, not a reason to stop
• Using journalling and breathwork to self-regulate and get to the root of what's keeping you stuck
• Human Design Projector energy and why honouring rest changed everything
• Releasing the how and watching life open up
• Messy action, limiting beliefs, and becoming the next version of yourself
• Why in-person connection is shifting things in 2026
• The art exhibition, the breathwork workshop, and owning who you are out loud

 Wild and Blooming — breathwork and flower painting workshop in Edinburgh. Join the waitlist 

If something in this episode resonates and you're ready to move on it, I work with women using Human Design, astrology and embodiment practices. → www.lbaldwin.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

The Honesty Podcast is a space for women who know that they're meant for a life that's full of magic, excitement, and wonder. If you're ready to reconnect with your power and listen to that inner knowing that says you're meant for more, grab a tea, take a breath, and let's begin. Hi and welcome back to another episode of the Honesty Podcast. I'm actually really looking forward to doing these episodes now. I was actually speaking to my business coach about this journey on YouTube a few days ago, maybe a week ago now, where at first I was just so nervous about creating an episode. It feels weird to be speaking to a camera, and so I would plan out the episode before I do it. I need to write some stuff down. Originally, I did do it just speaking and would have the audio, like the script in front of me, because it's really nerve-wracking remembering what to say, making sure that you're giving value on my episodes is such a huge thing. So yeah, the journey from that to then starting to do episodes and just writing them out beforehand and being like, okay, I've got a theme going on, and now just being like, do you know what? I'm gonna turn up once a week and discuss the week and not necessarily script it or have any plan. Sometimes I like to reflect and think, right, okay, what's happened this week and maybe write some bullet points down. But honestly, I just feel so much more at ease, and that really goes to show that the more that you just turn up and practice whatever it is that you're wanting to do, the easier it gets over time. I don't think anything of speaking to a camera now. Still feels a little bit nerve-wracking as I'm pressing play, but even my whole setup, it just feels way more easeful and natural than it once did. So I just wanted to reflect that back because if you're starting something new, then it can be really daunting. And I do think that being bad at it is something we all have to go through when we are starting a new activity, venture sort of career path. It's just a rite of passage, and then it's really nice to look back on the journey as you do start to get better at it, and even looking at my first ever episodes, it's weird, but even my aura, the way that I was sitting, I just feel like I look so much different, and that was only in December that I started doing the honesty podcast for YouTube, so yeah, it's been really nice to even look at beginning episodes versus now. So I just wanted to reflect that back. We're just it's part of the honesty podcast. I have been a busy person over the last couple of weeks, so this is a little bit later than I would have liked to schedule, but also this project, this podcast, is something that I'm doing because I love to do it. It's my creative process. I don't feel like I have to prove anything to myself or anybody else. I'm just really enjoying learning how to use my voice authentically. And so if it's not every week, it's not every week. I'm really not putting that pressure on. When I do need to start putting pressure on, is if I could create a podcast and I've been looking forward to it, and then I begin to procrastinate because that's a fear response that is not an authentic, I'm excited, but I'm really too busy, and my body needs rest. There's a complete difference between the two. So, for example, last weekend I had my mum up and my stepdad, which was amazing. My best friend did an art exhibition, which I'm gonna discuss more in a moment, and I did an event on the Sunday. And as a projector, I do need more rest than the average person. If you're into human design, it's one of the four energy types. I took Monday to lie horizontally. I needed that day to rest, and I think that the not-self version of me, the version of me that needs to prove to other people that I've got what it takes, who it overworks would have created a podcast on Monday just to prove to everybody that I could get one out once a week, and I'm not operating like that anymore. So it is this balance between knowing when we are turning up for ourselves and listening to our body, but we can still have that trust within ourselves to then do whatever it is we've said we're gonna do on a day that feels more aligned, versus the version of us who is procrastinating and not doing it because it's scary and creating all the excuses under the sun. And I have been both versions, so it is definitely something I'm practicing. Today would have been a great day to create an excuse. I went to an event this morning, I have an admin job, so this is my lunch time. But again, it's creating that trust, isn't it? Like I have the energy today and the excitement today to do a podcast, so that is what I'm doing, and I'm really proud of myself already for turning up. So yeah, it's just sort of understanding the body and understanding when the mind is coming into play. A reflection from the last few weeks. If you've watched my other podcast episodes, you'll know that a few weeks ago I wasn't feeling great, and when I'm not feeling great, I like to self-regulate. So if that means having a little cry, then that's what I'll do. I'll do some breath work, and a big thing I do is journaling because I do feel like when we journal and get our mind, it's like getting the thoughts onto paper, it's like a brain dump. I think it's just so helpful because first of all, nobody else is reading than pages, so you can get as brutally honest as you need to without feeling like you're gonna get cancelled or judged or whatever. And so I like to do that. I get really honest about say if there's jealousy coming up, if there is bitterness, because as a projector in human design, that is my not self like emotion, is this bitterness. So I like to reflect on that and just where I'm feeling overwhelmed, wherein my body is feeling certain emotions, and how often have they been coming up, and then I can get to the root cause of them and take action, make a change. And so I did that and made some di financial decisions to free up a little bit of money so that I wasn't feeling this overwhelm around finances. And since then, it's just felt so nice, and even within my business, I've just felt really different, and there's just not been this pressure that I was putting on myself. I've been learning human design and astrology for the last two years, and then also working with clients within this space because I feel like I've really embodied that now, and then also have taken up a breathwork course that's gonna last for the rest of the year. However, I did do breath work when I became a yoga instructor six years ago, so I have been working with the breath for many years, but not in such depth that I could be a trauma-informed breathwork facilitator. So that's sort of where I want to go because especially after working with clients in human design and astrology, I just feel like okay, that's an amazing opening into what's going on internally and how to move out of the mind and into the body and what not self-behaviors are coming up. But then we also need something to be able to get us to that next bit to remove the trauma, to remove the things that are really getting in our way and to start to reprogram the mind, create new neural pathways to look at ourselves and think, okay, where am I limiting myself? What stress responses are stopping me from moving forward? So I do think it's a whole package. And so while I love the human design and astrology aspect, I really want to marry the two together. And I was putting a lot of pressure on my business beginning to take off because I've been speaking about being in business now for two years, yet I've also been studying and working another job during this time, and so I, having taken this time to look at money and where I was feeling overwhelmed, realised that I just needed to back off a little bit, stop trying to control the outcome, which I had been doing, because I wanted to just prove to myself and everybody else that I had what it takes to be successful, and instead tuned into the universe, which is like very much what I'm about anyway, and just trust myself that I can turn up when it's it matters, I can help people when it matters, and then also just really trust the universe that all of these amazing experiences are gonna come. And if this is what's meant for me, then I just need to allow things to happen in the way that they're meant to happen instead of trying to control the outcome. Because when we try and out when we try to out when we try to control the outcome, we miss so many amazing opportunities, and that's what I was doing to myself. I was so hyper focused on things happening a certain way, and then really doubling down on that from a from a state of fear and stress that I was obviously I've probably missed so many opportunities that you know were in this bit when my focus was here. So I just made a decision to start having fun in my life again, to really prioritize fun over everything else, and this meant fun that and this meant to, and this meant enjoying life, and this didn't need to have anything to do with my business. This was fun in the sense of okay, when I wake up in the morning, what songs do I want to listen to? How can I just be more present with my partner and my cat? Can I go and see friends and just be in that moment instead of thinking about a thousand and one different things? And as I started to swim in that energy of joy and gratitude, just life felt way more happy, and that's what really life is all about. And I think we can forget that sometimes, can't we? It's like we're so focused on creating a happy life that we stop to look at the fact that life is so joyful as is, and so yeah, I've just felt really at peace and flow, and because of that, the invitations have started to come in. So I've had some amazing conversations and experiences with people who I would never have even thought I'd be collaborating with. And last weekend, when it was my best friend's art exhibition, she asked me if I'd do a breathwork and flower painting workshop, which I just was so happy that I had received that invitation. And so that's what we did last Sunday. I led the breath work and meditation, I got people to connect with their inner child, it was so beautiful. And then my friend basically led the flower painting workshop, and the pieces of art people created was just oh, it was stunning. It was such a beautiful morning, and we've decided to do more from that. But this was something I would never have even considered an offering for people. It just landed on my lap, it was an invitation that felt full of recognition and and lit me up, and it worked really well. And then there's been more invitations come after that, and I've also been I've also been putting myself out there and networking a little bit more, meeting new people, getting out of this house, which I think sometimes when we're so again hyper-focused on creating an online business, we become almost in this cocoon, and there is a need for in-person experiences now. There has definitely been a shift in the last couple of weeks, even the last month maybe, of things moving from online to in-person. Because the internet is so noisy at the minute, we've got AI, which you just don't know what's real and what's not anymore. I even think things like Instagram reels and TikTok aren't as popular anymore. People are turning to YouTube to have that long form content so we feel connected to people. That feeling of connection has been missing, and so I started to create some products that were online, and then it just really didn't feel right in my body, and I just thought, no, in person is where it's at. But sometimes we just need to allow things to manifest in the way that they're meant to instead of controlling that. So that's just something that I have been reflecting on even today. I went to an event this morning with my friend, and it was a networking event, it was a coffee and pastry morning with this business called Habits in Edinburgh. And it was just something I wouldn't I would never have done last year because I wasn't feeling good in myself. I even wasn't feeling confident enough to meet other entrepreneurs and speak about my business because it felt really new and fresh, and I was still learning. But now I'm in a place where I'm like, no, I am an astrologer, I am a human design guide, I am a breathwork facilitator, and my business feels good, and I know that I trust myself and I also trust the universe to lead me in a direction that's aligned for me. I have envisioned where I want to go in my life, but often what we imagine, the universe has bigger and better things that we could never have imagined if we allow things to move authentically and we just go with the flow and release the how. And so I often preach about this, but I haven't been practicing it as much because I've just been so in the zone, and realizing that over the last month and letting go of the how has been wonderful. It's meant I can feel happy again. I love my offerings and creations, and these things are flowing to me, and I'm just really excited for where things are gonna go. I don't know where they're gonna go, but that's the joy, isn't it? It's the adventure, it's the not knowing because the possibilities are endless, and so yeah, I'm just really enjoying life at the minute, and even seeing my friends who are entrepreneurs thrive as well. I'm very lucky that I have some incredible people in my life here in Edinburgh. I have always been really good at making friends. We all really support each other within a group, and we have aspirations and we have ambitions, and we aren't scared to be able to discuss that with each other because we just lift each other up. So that's been really nice. And then even seeing my friend last weekend do her art exhibition, it was lovely because she has been speaking about being an artist for so long, she's been creating art like I got her to commission this beautiful piece of art behind me. There's one thing to say, okay, we want to be the thing. We have all these dreams and goals and ambitions. But in order to get there, we have to become that version of ourselves, and we do that by first of all, what language we use. So I am an artist and I'm fucking good at it, and go to my website, here is my art, but then also taking the action required to step into that version of ourselves if it hasn't fully landed yet. So, with my friend doing the art exhibition last weekend, so many people turned up, her art was all over the walls, she'd done so many beautiful smaller prints as well. And as things started to sell and people were like in awe of what she created, I could actually see it in her like a body shifted, and it had landed. And so now I know, like after speaking with her, that she definitely feels different this week as opposed to last week before the exhibition because she had to embody this version of herself she's been wanting to be for so long. So I'm super proud of her. It was also a beautiful reminder that we can't just sit and dream and try and manifest stagnant. In order to get to where we want to go to, we have to do the really scary, often we have to do the really scary piece of action, often messy, often we have no idea if it's gonna work or not, but through taking that messy action, and even if it does feel really tense in the body, moving forward anyway, anyway, we allow that energy to flow through us, and we step into that, we up-level, we become that new version. Even if the version of you is here and this piece of action's moved you this much, you are still moving forward, and that version is possible because you are moving forward. And I think a lot of the times when we feel stuck and stagnant and just feel crappy, it's because we know what we want, we're just not taking the action. And I've even witnessed in some clients and with some friends that we're too scared to even say what we want. Sitting down and just being really honest about what our dreams truly are is too much because once we admit it, we then have to take that action, and that again feels too much. So when I talk about limiting beliefs, a lot of the time I'm speaking about the limitation we're putting on ourselves because what we truly want and desire deep down feels too far away. It feels like we have to believe in ourselves and trust ourselves to take the action required to get there. And it's like building a muscle. Even with myself, I can remember last year I was so scared of telling people I was an astrologer because I just didn't really want people to then pry about it, and I felt like people would mock me for it, and so I was resistant and holding back, and I went back to my hometown of just after New Year, and I was basically around people I did who I didn't know, and it definitely wouldn't have been my target audience, and so I just thought, well, now is a good time as ever, and I told everybody I was a human design and astrology guide, and yes, people asked, is that astronomy? and seemed really pleased, and then as I said, no astrology, it was like oh, but still I had to sit in that feeling uncomfortable and just own who I am and what I do, and by the time the day was over, I just thought, well, if I've managed to say it to the people in this room, I can say it to whoever, and it really allowed me to start embodying that version of myself. I just think that the first thing is acknowledging what you actually want, the second is looking at what actions you can take to begin to move towards that, and then also looking at what the mind starts to do, what limits and beliefs start to come in, what stress responses start to come in that keep you where you are, because it is scary, and nobody likes that, nobody likes doing the big scary thing, like even as kids, it's only the adrenaline junkies would really love going on the big rides at the theme park because it is like the body just feeling so tense in that moment and stressed, and it's just being able to self-regulate enough to go fuck it, I'm gonna do it anyway, and then go and do the thing because afterwards you just feel so proud. And a lot of the time, as well, I will think about what my future self is grateful for. I'm like, okay, if I go and record this podcast now this afternoon, my future self is gonna be like amazing. Thank God you went and did that podcast because now I've got something to edit and put out into the world, and that feels really exciting, and just I can connect with people, I can use my voice to educate and hopefully encourage you, the audience, to go and take that messy action and change your life in whatever way feels good for you. So I am gonna end the podcast here. If you are in Edinburgh, then I'm gonna link a wait list below. If you're interested in coming to a breathwork and flower painting workshop, it's called Wild and Blooming, which I just love so much. Then join the wait list and you will get updates on the next event. And yeah, I'm just here loving life. So thank you for watching this podcast episode, and I will see you in the next one. I work with women who know that they're meant for more. If that's you, you'll find everything you need in the show notes.