Surgery-Gratitude&Reflection-Meditation

Meeting Summary: Recovery & Resilience

Date: March 12, 2026 | Location: Upper Doghouse Studio | Duration: ~31 min

Key Highlights

• Surgery & Self-Advocacy: Paul B. (a nurse) shared his recent surgery experience for a pinched nerve. He emphasized the importance of patient advocacy, specifically his request to avoid ketamine due to past negative experiences, opting instead for a combination of propofol and non-narcotic pain management (Tylenol/Ibuprofen).
• Holistic Recovery: Paul attributed his rapid recovery—including performing household repairs the next day—to mental preparation and meditation. Both Doug and Paul discussed how techniques like silent retreats, guided sessions, and "moving meditations" (hiking) are vital tools for managing pain and maintaining sobriety.
• The Power of Gratitude: The hosts framed gratitude as an active practice rather than just a feeling. Doug highlighted his work leading gratitude sessions in treatment settings, focusing on non-material gains like relationships and health.
• Incremental Growth: The discussion centered on the "1% better" philosophy—focusing on small, manageable daily improvements in fitness, diet, and kindness rather than overwhelming, unrealistic goals.

Quick Overview

Focus Area | Core Takeaway: Medical | Clear communication with anesthesia teams is crucial for those in recovery.
Mental | Meditation and mindfulness can significantly reduce the need for post-op narcotics.
Lifestyle | Self-care (gym, massage, hobbies) is a pillar of long-term emotional stability.
Community | Sharing personal stories and listener feedback strengthens the recovery network.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 1:05

All right, and we are back with another episode of the Terminal Addiction Podcast. My name is Doug H.

SPEAKER_01 1:11

And I'm Paul B, and we are back in the upper doghouse uh studio. It's kind of nice to be home. Yeah, we we took a little break and went to a different location for our last two episodes and and we're back.

SPEAKER_00 1:24

Yeah, and I uh I enjoyed uh you know the change of of location, but uh something comfortable about up here. So yeah. So what are we talking about today, Paul?

SPEAKER_01 1:35

Well, uh uh we we kind of hinted at it uh in a previous episode that I was getting ready to have surgery. And you have had cer since surgery. I have had surgery, and even without, you know, like Kratom and and heroin and all those fun things, uh I made it through surgery. And we're gonna talk a little bit about how that happened.

SPEAKER_00 1:56

So yeah, um, you know, you and I talk pretty often, and so I'm I'm kind of caught up. Uh but uh explain to uh the listeners what uh what was going on, what happened, uh like why you had to have surgery.

SPEAKER_01 2:07

So I had a pinched nerve in my in my elbow. Ouch. Ouch. And um I mean being a nurse, I I kind of knew what to expect. Um and I've got this nice two and a half inch long uh incision in the back of my arm. Um but I was able to make it through it, and and I so it took a lot of planning. I I've had a couple procedures done um since I I went into treatment, but um the more times I do it, the the better I get at communicating to the entire team what I need. And um you know, one of the um people from Anesthesia uh actually didn't like my idea, and we we had a discussion about it. But in the long run, it you know, it was my body, and and so I had to tell them what I needed. And um one of the keys was for me, I I knew that I couldn't have ketamine. And uh I I know there's a lot of talk about ketamine, using it for different things, but uh I've had a previous experience with ketamine and I liked it a little bit too much. Uh so when anesthesia came in, I said, I've only got one request, and that's that I get no ketamine. And they said, Well, you know, then you're gonna be getting more narcotics. I said, my my um my weakness is actually the ketamine, not the narcotics.

SPEAKER_00 3:29

So, yeah, so for those of you that you know aren't aren't hip to uh a lot of the drugs, uh ketamine is sort of a dissociative. Um it's uh used a lot, I think, as an animal tranquilizer.

SPEAKER_01 3:40

Yeah, it was used originally uh so that they could do surgery on uh, for instance, horses while they were wide awake. And so we use it a lot in children uh because you can you can um put a bone back in place uh while they're awake and not have to give them too much sedation. And the idea that that um anesthesia had was, well, if I'm not quite so much out of it, then um you know they won't have to give me as many narcotics uh during procedure uh for the you know to to keep me asleep.

SPEAKER_00 4:12

Yeah, and it's it's uh it's it's not a very long acting, uh so it's it's nice for what you were talking about or um you know quick outpatient surgeries, but uh yeah, it's definitely one of those that um has some some controversy. I know there's some uh talk out there about people using it for um for therapy purposes, uh, but again, that's not just a bunch of hippies hanging out in a parking lot. That's probably more of a monitored uh you know treatment uh with professionals in the same Yeah, and it sh certainly shows some promise in things like PTSD and and major depression.

SPEAKER_01 4:45

Um uh but again, it w it was one of those drugs that I had a bad experience with. Um being very upfront with this the surgery team that I was a recovering addict. Um I did have a little surprise, and that was when I got back into the operating room. Um I was waiting for uh you know to start getting sleepy, and I was having this conversation with one of the nurses there, and I remember him saying, Oh, but you're not gonna remember any of this. And I'm thinking, uh, yes, I will. And then the next uh conversation I had was with the anesthesia provider, and he said, Oh, you're gonna feel a little warmth in your arm. I'm thinking, bullshit, no, I am going to feel uh pain shooting up from my IV site up to my shoulder. And that's the last thing I remember was the pain uh as it hit my shoulder.

SPEAKER_00 5:34

So with uh with any medical procedures, you know, dental or surgery or or anything, uh, we just want to remind people that it is a great idea to uh talk to your providers, let them know where you're at uh in your recovery, and if you have access to you know somebody that that is knowledgeable um about this kind of stuff to to bring them in. If you have a a doctor who understands addiction, um, you know, linking them up with your uh you know, surgical team or anesthesia team uh so that they can make sure that you're getting what you need and not getting what you don't want. So what uh what was the uh what was the actual anesthesia like? How was the product? How was the pain? How was you know the feelings, all that kind of stuff?

SPEAKER_01 6:19

So they used uh something called propofol, uh sometimes known in the medical profession uh as uh milk of amnesia. Um you go to sleep very quickly, you wake up very quickly, uh there's no lingering side effects from it. Um I did get a small amount of uh narcotics during procedure, I don't remember any of that. Um but when I woke up, I woke up very quickly uh and got nothing other than Tylenol. But I had already set up that I was going to have a gatekeeper that that kept any uh uh medications, narcotics that I was going to be getting. Uh fortunately, I did not need any narcotics. And I think one of the reasons why I didn't uh I I I I practice a lot of meditation. Uh I was able to get to relax enough um that I really haven't had any pain at all uh since the surgery, uh, even though I've got a big ugly scar in the back of my arm. Uh I've not taken anything harder than an ibuprofen. Um, and I that's once a day that I've been taking those. Um certainly everyone's experience is a little different. I have like I said, I I have had a couple couple procedures previous. Um going to sleep with propofol is um a little different. Um you do fall asleep very, very quickly uh versus just kind of forgetting everything. Um but my my experience actually was was actually pretty decent um in going to sleep and waking up. So you know I did I didn't have to stick around the the uh recovery room very long because I did wake up so quickly.

SPEAKER_00 7:55

That's good to hear. That's good to hear. Um and and and again, for those of you that might be uh you know not hip to uh a lot of the the the medications, uh who was it that that passed away from the propofol? Wasn't it uh wasn't there a famous musician?

SPEAKER_01 8:09

Yeah, yeah. Um actually Michael Jackson uh died from propofol. That's right.

SPEAKER_00 8:15

Yeah. And he had a uh a doctor with him 24 hours a day administering this stuff, but it's still you know nothing to be messed around with.

SPEAKER_01 8:23

No, no, absolutely. And you know, like I said in the uh I think it was in the last episode, maybe the one before that, um there's been many people that uh have overdosed from things that they were given by doctors. You know, Prince is another one that uh overdosed from medications given to him by a doctor. Uh and you know, he was one that didn't drink, didn't didn't use any uh illicit drugs, but just the medications that he got um you know from the doctor did it.

SPEAKER_00 8:51

Yeah, so I'm I'm glad you made it through the surgery. You uh you reached out to me, I think, that same day. Yeah. Um and and I was kind of honestly a little surprised to hear from you. I thought you were gonna be, you know, taking a day to to to rest, recuperate, but you sounded great on the phone when we when we talked and kind of told me the the the whole spiel about what you uh what you experienced. And I'm just happy you made it through uh, you know, in one well, one piece minus a scar.

SPEAKER_01 9:14

Yeah, I was actually underneath I I I don't think my my surgeon would like to hear this, but I was underneath the kitchen sink uh uh replacing a faucet uh the day after surgery. Um you know, I I felt good. And part of that was was my own mental preparation for their procedure.

SPEAKER_00 9:33

That's good. Yeah, uh the idea that, and you talked about it, um, you know, practicing you know meditation just as part of our daily lives, uh, I have found that it is a very uh useful and helpful tool for you know an infinite number of things. Um kind of brings me back to the present moment, uh controlled breathing. I can I can you know be on the exercise bike at the gym and uh grab onto the little metal you know heart rate and blood pressure monitors, and and I can watch my pulse rate go down while I'm pedaling. Uh I can watch it come down six, eight, ten, twelve points uh on on the uh on the um pulse rate. So I I I know that it is it is a valuable tool. Um and especially for people in in early recovery, um it's for a lot of people it's a pretty foreign concept. Yeah. Um and there's a lot of different ways to meditate. I don't know that it is a um a subject that's brought up often enough. I think uh meditation, prayer, spirituality seems to be a pretty private thing. Uh but I think it's really important uh to talk about this stuff with your with your support network. Um, you know, if you're if you're a member of like a 12-step group, uh bringing that up as a topic. And and you know, especially if you're new, um picking picking the brains of the people that have been there for a while, seeing what they do to uh pray and meditate, because I think a lot of people come in and they're just they just don't know and they they they see it and they don't know what to do with it. So I I'm I'm curious what your meditations look like as well.

SPEAKER_01 10:59

So I I do it every evening. Um and since I'm not working this week, I've been doing it throughout the day as well. And I don't want to discount the idea of medication. I uh you know, I I have some medical issues myself where I have medications that I have to take. Um but the idea of using other things to help with pain uh isn't a new concept. It it you know goes back uh literally centuries um with different cultures. And um, you know, we we find that there's a lot of things that we can do um as far as pain management that don't require medication. Um I wear a t-shirt, my my wife hates it, I wear it sometimes when I'm teaching, and it says says educated drug dealer on. Um, you know, our industry is based on the idea of, well, if if you've got something, we need to give you a pill for it. And that may be the wrong way of looking at things. Um, you know, uh certainly in my past I I would have turned to the drugs uh quickly to uh take care of that that little pain I had. But um, you know, things like massage, things like heat and cold, um really do a lot for uh you know helping with the pain.

SPEAKER_00 12:15

Yeah, and and and meditation, just to touch on that again, um there's a lot of different ways to do it. Uh I spent like six weeks over in the country of India uh about 12 years ago. I went with uh a friend of mine who was my uh sponsor at the time. Uh and and he goes over there, you know, regularly, a couple times a year. And uh so I just tagged along. And uh while I was over there, you know, I was I was a recovering Catholic in a Hindu country, in a Buddhist pocket of that Hindu country, and I made friends with Muslims. Um and so I I got to pick the brains of a lot of people. Um I did like a little two-day, uh, three-day uh silent meditation retreat, which you know at the time was was a lot. It was it was heavy. Uh there was no talking uh during the retreat. There was a few minutes to kind of download some of your stuff with uh with one of the um supervisors, but it was it was different. Uh it was very different. So some people really um you know lean into the the silent meditation. Uh some people are really big on like the smells and bells, and I've got singing bowls and I've got incense and I've got you know candles and I can I can go that way with it too. Some people include music, um, usually music without words, uh, just so that you're you're able to just focus on on you know meditating. Um but uh but then you can just you know go sit down on a park bench for a little while and just be part of you know the world around you. Uh and I and I think there's just a lot of different uh avenues for meditation. People like a guided meditation, yeah. Uh YouTube has a lot of really good stuff uh under guided meditation, and it's another person's voice kind of setting a scene and walking you through things. Uh and and it really does um it helps a lot of people. And and and I know my meditation is becoming more and more just like in the moment. Um it's it's usually uh a pretty quick five or ten minutes where I I I separate myself from from whatever is going on. Uh I find a nice quiet place and I just I just focus on uh being instead of you know doing because I think we get so wrapped up in doing all that stuff all the time.

SPEAKER_01 14:20

It's important to remember to just be I was a brand new nurse uh this is going back twenty-five years ago, but I was a brand new nurse and I was working in an oncology unit and I had a patient patient in oncology that was doing a lot of the things that we're talking about right now, you know, you know, the sense smells, uh, you know, using our other senses um to help with their their cancer diagnosis. And at one point I I went to the uh oncology doctor there and I asked him, I said, Is this is all this stuff safe uh for this patient that was very sick? And he looked at me very stern and he said, you know, the stuff that we're giving her is killing her, uh, but the stuff that she's doing uh, you know, at very worst isn't hurting her. And that that was a big lesson for me, uh, you know, in my career. Um sometimes, you know, we we don't know everything about medicine, we don't know everything about about you know spirituality or any of those things. And we can learn from each other.

SPEAKER_00 15:21

Yeah, I've uh I've also got a friend who is an avid golfer and uh he he likes to walk the courses, so he's got his bag and I think he carries or has it on wheels, and so he'll he'll kind of meditate as he's walking, kind of a moving meditation. Uh I know a couple people in this area who are who are in uh in 12-step programs, like to go out and go hiking. Uh some people tell me that just going fishing is is another meditative activity. Um you know, I I really just uh I encourage people to try things, give it a fair shake. Um, you know, ask people, you know, in in your in your recovery worlds um you know what they do to meditate. Uh, you know, Google has a lot of really good stuff as well. Um so just trying some things and not just trying it once or twice, but actually giving this a a real shot and and giving it a try and finding what works for you. Um because because what Paul and I have been you know talking about works for us, uh, but we understand that everybody's on their own recovery journey and uh that what they what they do is is gonna need to work for them.

SPEAKER_01 16:23

Yeah, I I I go fly fishing a couple times a year, and it it's not so much for catching fish. It's it's just to get outside of myself and and just kind of relax. Um I I'm also a drone pilot, and a lot of times I'll just take my drones out in the, you know, out in a field someplace, fly around for a while, just you know, seeing the world from a different perspective uh gives me a whole new perspective on life. And you know, there's there's things to be learned from everything. I I I can see myself as a bird just flying over the the crowd and you know, uh going through fields and you know, flying through the sky. And it's kind of a neat way of uh experiencing life.

SPEAKER_00 17:03

Yeah, that's very cool. It's something I I've seen some of your footage and it's it's just really cool, and I can imagine that, you know, just being out there by yourself or maybe with another person, just you know, getting a different perspective on the world. Uh, I think a lot of times we get so wrapped up in our you know single perception that it's I think it's important to zoom out and look at the big picture and and doing something with like a drone, you're literally zooming out and seeing things from a a different perspective. I know I've heard uh astronauts who when they get up there and they see you know the the size and the mass of of you know the earth and then they also see the vastness of space. Uh a lot of ta a lot of times I've heard those guys talk about uh that being a a spiritual experience. Sure. Uh you know, reframes their their their view on everything. Um so yeah, just just being able to take a step back and zoom out and see the picture from a wider perspective, um, getting other people's inputs, uh, I think really helps you know shine some light on that kind of stuff.

SPEAKER_01 18:05

Yeah, absolutely. And you know, uh we all have something to learn from from every experience in life. And you know, I start off my Saturday morning uh meetings with uh going around the room and asking everyone their gratitudes. Yeah. And um, you know, it's it's interesting because you know, I'll have a group of 40 people there, everyone has their own gratitude for the day. And it's rare that two people will have the same gratitude. Uh sometimes it's gonna be that your favorite team is playing uh that afternoon, or it may be because the sun's shining, it may be because you know you have a family member that's doing well. Everyone has their own idea of what you know their that gratitude is.

SPEAKER_00 18:48

Yeah, and and I'm I'm fortunate enough at the uh treatment facility where I work as a counselor, uh, I get to do a wide variety of lectures. Um there's probably you know 25 different lectures that I can give at a moment's notice, but one of them that I I really enjoyed doing is a gratitude lecture. Uh, and I get to do that with uh one of our chaplains uh who is has actually become a really good friend of mine. And so he and I get to tag team this lecture. Uh it's one of the only, I think, lectures that are that we do at our our facility that has two presenters. And so we've learned uh over the year and a half, we've been doing it uh, you know, how to play off of each other. Um and a lot of times that gratitude lecture comes around at the right time, um, not for the patients, but for me. Uh and it's it's really good to get in there and and talk about this stuff and you know, educate people and teach them what gratitude is, because I think that's a word that's been uh co-opted a lot by you know influencers, and it's just a popular word to say is gratitude. Oh, I'm grateful. It's about I I think it's uh it's about the action. Uh that's one of the things that we teach the the patients at our facility is it's about the action. It's not just you know saying thank you or you know, saying you're grateful. It's about what are you doing to show that gratitude? What are you doing to show that thanks? And um, you know, we we we talk about that and then we go around the room and we have the patients, uh, each one of them tell us three things they're grateful for. And and it's so cool because you know, very, very, very rarely is it a material thing. And if it is, there's usually a uh sentimental attachment to it. I remember we had a guy that was grateful for his car, and then when it was like, oh, okay, but that car allows him to get to meetings. Yeah. Uh that car, he he works on that car himself in his garage. So being out there wrenching on a car uh for him is a spiritual activity. So I don't hear people talk about being grateful for money or being grateful for things or stuff. Uh typically it's it's people being thankful for the opportunity to get clean and sober, uh, grateful for their family and friends, grateful for you know the education that that they're receiving. And so it's it's it's very, very rarely, if ever, just a material thing that is just uh a thing. Um so it's it's really cool. And I think uh gratitude is a a big part. And uh so meditation has actually become you know part of my gratitude. While I'm in that silent state, a lot of times I gain uh some insight, sometimes I get answers, sometimes I get just a thought that comes into my head that I would not have gotten, you know, otherwise if I had just been caught up in the hustle bustle. But um, just by being still for a while, I I get a lot of um insight. And so I'm very grateful for that insight because it allows me to be more grateful and then go and and act on that gratitude.

SPEAKER_01 21:32

Yeah, I often start my day off with gratitude, but I'll finish my day with a reflection of how the day went. And which is kind of a gratitude in itself, you know. I uh all the good things that happen. I'm I'm grateful that you know it doesn't take anything more than an uh you know a regular Motron for me to not be in pain this afternoon. Um and that it's been that way since I've had surgery. Um you know, there we can be grateful for a lot of things. Um and it's you know, again, what are you grateful for at the beginning of the day? What are you grateful for at the end of the day? Kind of reflect on how the day went. And yeah, that can help in in your overall well-being.

SPEAKER_00 22:11

Yeah, I think that's a great idea. Um excuse me. Um but yeah, making that making that list at the beginning of the day, I think uh can help start you on a good foot. Um and I think you know, reflecting at the end of the day, you know, what went well, what was a challenge, what was an obstacle, where was I an asshole, um, and and how can I do uh a little bit better tomorrow. I'm uh I was taught, you know, just try to be one percent better. And that doesn't mean that in a hundred days I'm gonna be a hundred percent better. You know, I I I try to just be a little more kind, a little more caring, a little more understanding, a little more empathetic, and then I I just try to put that into action and I find that, you know, by the end of the day I I am like one percent better. But then just like the 24 hours that I get to stay sober resets, you know, the next day, uh, so does the hundred percent. So I've added to the hundred percent, made it a new hundred percent, and then I try to do one percent better than that the next day. So it's a it's an ever growing process for me. Um and and it's something that I can it's not anything difficult. It's just simple stuff. It's saying hi to people, it's asking them how they're doing. It's please and thank you. It's holding doors, it's not littering, it's it's you know, throwing your trash away, it's it's a whole lot of things. Putting, putting, putting your shopping cart back. Uh I will die on that hill. Uh, and I just think that's an easy way to make somebody else's life a little bit easier. It's no sweat off my back to walk an extra 20 or 30 feet to put a cart away. Um, and and sometimes I'll even see you know an elderly person uh who is is putting their groceries in their car, and I've I've waited for them to you know finish packing the car and I'll take their cart back for them too. Um I think there's just so much negativity sometimes uh out in the world that becomes kind of distracting that it's it's it's really nice to just do a nice thing for somebody without expecting anything in return. You know, that that joy of giving, uh, I find it's very helpful and uh you know can help shape my day. And if I'm having a rough day, going out and doing something nice for somebody uh really does sort of reset where I'm at in my head.

SPEAKER_01 24:11

I liked your comment about you know the 1% better. I I took a class on change management a few years back, and you know, they talked about how if you set your goal at, you know, I'm gonna lose 50 pounds in the next month, well, you're not gonna get there. If you uh decide that I'm I'm you know that I'm going to uh now go from lifting 200 pounds to lifting 300 pounds, you're you're not gonna get there by setting your goal that way. But if you set it at, okay, I'm gonna do 1% or 10% better with the next month, well, okay, then now you've got something to reach for. And it's the same way with with you know your recovery. You can't go into your recovery thinking, okay, I'm never gonna drink again, because that's setting a goal that you might not be able to reach. But if your goal is to make it through today, then you've got a pretty good chance of making it through today, and tomorrow we'll tackle that.

SPEAKER_00 25:04

Yeah, and I think that's the idea of the the one day at a time. Um, I think the world record for sobriety is 24 hours. Um and and I I think a lot of times people get so wrapped up in you know days and weeks and months and years that that they forget to um you know enjoy and and get the most out of this day. And uh that idea of setting you know realistic goals, you know, we were talking about you talked about um you know losing 50 pounds in a month. I could surely stand to lose a few pounds. Um but rather than setting unrealistic expectations for myself where I'm gonna get up at four o'clock every day and go to the gym, and I'm gonna you know only eat you know X, Y, and Z foods. One less cheeseburger today. One one less. Did I have I did not have any cheeseburgers today? I had Salisbury steak, and it was very good. Thank you, April. Um But I can I can make realistic changes. I can cut out things like you know junk food and chips and crackers and cookies, and uh I can I can you know stay away from fast food, I can stay away from you know gluttonous behavior and and sloth-like behavior, I can go for a walk. Uh I can do a lot of things um you know today that will make me feel a little bit better tomorrow. Uh Paul touched on uh you know some self-care. I like to go get massages, uh, I like to go to the chiropractor. Um and and and I find that those things, you know, really do uh help help me feel physically better. Um and then you know, going to the gym is something that I've I've gotten away from recently, and I'm I'm really hoping to get back to it because I I did feel better after I left the gym, kind of in the same you know, way that I feel better after I leave a meeting. Uh so sometimes it's it's just making these small, realistic changes that I I can stick to. And and I was talking to uh my therapist and uh we were talking about some stuff, and we talked she she told me, she said, Well, you you've got character and integrity now, and and you've got maturity and responsibility. And I said, That doesn't sound right. But as I look back on it, you know, I I I can do the things I say I'm gonna do, and I can not do the the things I say I'm not gonna do. Um I I want to be somebody who is is reliable and um you know sticks to their word and and can finish something they start. And you know, that's that's that's all about setting those realistic goals. You know, a lot of people do daily, weekly, monthly, yearly goals. Some people set you know three, six, nine, twelve-month goals. Um and I think that's that's a better way to break it up rather than I'm gonna get you know all of this done in the next you know 20 minutes. So uh yeah, making sure that you're making the most of your time uh is an is another way to you know in enhance your sobriety, enhance your recovery. Um and I think that's a uh a big thing that that I don't know if it gets left out or it's just uh kind of assumed, but I think it's important to talk about that stuff too, because you know those little changes really do add up and and make big changes down the road.

SPEAKER_01 28:07

Well, we've got a hockey game on in the background, and before my Tourette's kicks in, I think we might want to wrap for today. We we covered a lot of subjects today, but it it's been good.

SPEAKER_00 28:17

Yeah, we appreciate everybody that's been listening and tuning in. Uh, I got a text message from uh a couple friends of mine who live down in Florida, and and they texted and said that they've been listening and they they they like what we're doing. And um so we appreciate everybody out there that's that's given this a listen, given this a chance, uh, and hopefully we're able to help some people. So Yeah, and get the word out. Yep, please do. Thank you guys. All right, thanks. Bye.