The question you need to ask yourself... Who are you?

Who are you… really?

Not the strong one.
Not the dependable one.
Not the version of you that learned how to hold everything together.

In this episode of The Bestie Space, we’re going deeper than surface-level identity and asking the question so many of us avoid—especially after life changes like divorce, motherhood, or career shifts:

Who am I when I’m not just surviving?

Nicole walks you through a powerful, reflective exercise to help you:

• Identify the roles you’ve carried (and why you stepped into them)
• Separate survival-based identities from your true self
• Define the person you actually want to become
• Begin your own identity reset with clarity and intention

This episode is for the woman who feels like she’s been everything for everyone else… and is finally ready to reconnect with herself.

💛 Bestie Challenge:
“The world has known me as ______… but the woman I am becoming is ______.”

If this resonates, share it with a friend who needs this reminder—you don’t have to figure this out alone.

✨ Let’s stay connected, Bestie!

 ➡️ Explore more breakthroughs, guides, and resources at https://stan.store/NicoleLBestie

 ➡️ Come hang out with me on Instagram for daily Coffee & Gratitude moments @coffee_n_gratitude

💖 If you loved this episode, hit follow on the podcast and share it with a bestie who needs a reminder that she’s not alone. Together, we rise.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Welcome to the Bestie Space. I'm your host McCall, breakthrough guide, coach, and a woman tell us what it's like to feel stuck, found out, and in need of a friend. This podcast is your soft place to land and your strong place to rise. We're talking real life healing, emotional empowerment, and how to move forward when life feels like it cracked you open. So grab a coffee, take a deep breath, and listen in to some real talk, Bestie. I'm here for you. Hey Bestie, I want to ask you a question today that might feel simple, but if you really sit with it, it's actually a pretty confronting question. And that question is: who are you really? Not what you do, not who you take care of, not the roles that you've learned to play, but you. Because here's what I've been realizing, and maybe you'll feel this too. So many of us have spent years, decades even becoming exactly who we needed to be to survive, to get through hard seasons, to hold everything together, to be the strong one, the dependable one, the one that everyone can count on. And somewhere along the way, we became really good at those roles. But we never stopped to ask, is that actually who I am? Or just who I had to be? So today I want to walk you through something. Not just to think about, but to actually feel. So if you're in your car or you are walking around, you can just listen. If you're at home, maybe grab a notebook, a pen and paper. This I think is gonna be a pretty pivotal moment. And the reason I wanted to do this episode for y'all is that I distinctly remember when I was still married, I had an ex-in-law um very genuinely ask me what I was doing for fun. And I had no answer. And it hit me so hard that I typically had answers for every question. I love to talk. I have a I have a reason or a why behind things. And that particular question really just threw me because I was in my roles of being a mom. At the time I was a wife, I was taking care of kids, I was working full-time. I didn't have fun. I didn't know how to answer this person. And recently that has come up again for me in this shift of who we are. And if you listen to a couple episodes back, I talked about how you know I don't do resolutions, I do a reset, but who who are we resetting to? And so I want to start by asking you, um, what are you known for? So if people were describing you to someone else, what what would they say? And I want you to pause for a second and really think about it, or write it down, because you might think about things like, you're the strong one, you're the responsible one, or you're the one who keeps everything together, you're the helper, you're the one that people go to. So write those down if you can, or pause this podcast and think about who would people describe you as? All of those characteristics or all of those roles I want you to write down. I don't want you to filter them. Now, I want you to look at that list and I want you to ask yourself this question: which of these did I choose? And which of these did I become because I had to? Because here's the truth, Bestie. A lot of those roles weren't born from joy. They were born from necessity, from survival, from stepping up when no one else did, from figuring things out when life got hard, from being what other people needed you to be. And listen, there is nothing wrong with that. In fact, it says so much about you. It says you're capable, you are resilient, you care deeply. But that doesn't mean those roles are your identity. Now I want you to shift. And this part is probably gonna feel uncomfortable because it requires honesty, and it's something I'm actively working on, and it is very uncomfortable for myself. So I want you to ask yourself if I could become the version of me that feels the most free, the most alive, the most like little me, little child myself, who would she be? Not who people expect, not who feels safe, but who you actually want to be. Maybe she is peaceful, joyful, happy, soft, confident, playful, creative, rested, free, fully herself. I want you to write down three words. Whatever resonates with you, just three. I don't want you to overthink this, okay? Now we're gonna look at those two lists. So who you've been and who you want to be. And I want you to notice something. The first list probably feels like pressure, responsibility, weight on your shoulders. That second list, though, it probably feels lighter and like you're breathing. So here's the part I want you to hear. You are not just the roles that you learned to survive. You are not the roles that you learned or had to step into just to survive. You are also the parts of you that are waiting to be expressed, the parts of you that maybe didn't get as much space for a long time because you were busy holding everything together. And sometimes when life changes, whether that be a divorce, a career shift, your kids growing up and maybe not needing you as much, or a relationship that ended, it can feel like everything is falling apart. But what if, hear me out, what if that huge life change is actually creating space? Space for you to finally ask, who am I when I don't have to be everything for everyone else? I want to leave you with this. If you took away every role, every title, every expectation, who is the person underneath it all? I know that might feel scary because for a long time those roles were your identity, but they were also your protection, your armor, your way of navigating life. And now, maybe for the first time, you get to choose. So here's your bestie challenge for today. I want you to finish the sentence. The world has known me as, but the woman I am becoming is so the world has known me as, but the woman I am becoming is say it all loud, write it down, make it an affirmation, own it because you are not starting over, you are not having a resolution, you're doing a reset, you're not lost, you are not behind, you're just finally getting the chance to meet yourself. And Bessie, you've been there all along. So if this episode spoke to you, I would love for you to share it with someone who might need to hear it too. And if you are ready to go deeper, you can always connect with me through the link in the show notes. You do not have to figure this out alone. We'll talk soon. Thanks, besties. Thank you so much for being here in the bestie space. If this episode spoke to you, make sure that you send it to a friend or share it on social and take me. Coffee underscore N underscore gratitude. Please also consider leaving me a five-star review. It helps us grow the bestie space community, and I will be forever grateful. And remember, you got this. It's not therapy, medical advice, or a substitute for professional support. If you need help, please reach out to a licensed provider or a crisis resource in your area.