BYS - A Discussion on Loss & Life

The BYS staff gets real and grateful discussing the loss of life, and life redeemed.  God is the Great Redeemer and shows us time and again on how He cares and loves for us.

Jake Scheffler joins Ron in the studio to discuss loss thru miscarriages, and how redemption belongs to the Lord in His own timing. And does He redeem.

Stand firm, have faith, and bear your shield!

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:31

Well hey there free believers. Welcome back to the Fairy Field Podcast. I'm your host, Ron Scheffler. And we're going to be taking some thoughts today, talking about some thoughts about loss and life. And before we kick off on that, you know, I just want to say congratulations to my son Jake and daughter-in-law Nyung to their beautiful son, Zechariah Elias Scheffler. If you listened to the podcast a few episodes ago, Nyung was on the podcast and uh she was very much pregnant, just anticipation of the delivery of her beautiful boy. Before we get into that part of the story, though, of my family, I just want to step back in time, go back into that time travel machine, if you will, and just talk a little bit about my story with my wife, Tracy. So our story starts back in 1990, in the August of 1990, when my wife and I started dating. And then we got engaged in May of 91. And during that time, you know, things were good. Uh dating was well. And shortly thereafter, in 92, my father passed away of a massive heart attack and stroke. That was February 1st, 1992. And I just want you to all remember that date, February 1st, one time. That becomes uh important in this story. So my wife and I, we continued on and we're we're dating. And sometime that summer in 92, uh, my wife developed a cyst on her ovary. And that was a little alarming, and you know, it kind of came back quick uh after that. So I just remember being at uh my brother's baseball game. We were supposed to be watching this game, and I was just sitting with Tracy. She was in laying in the backseat of my car and just in pain uh from the cyst. And so uh we go to the doctor and we were waiting for you know the wedding, we're prepping for wedding plans, we're making plans, and the doc says, you know, um we're gonna have to come on back and uh check things out. Uh so don't get pregnant on your honeymoon. You know, every guy's dream uh was dashed there for a brief moment. But because she would need to determine if the aspiration that she had on her first cyst was successful or if the cyst was growing back. And indeed, you know, the cyst did did come back. But the wedding happens, uh, we go on our honeymoon, we come back, and she goes back into uh the doctor's care. The cyst grew back and became a necessary surgical decision. Now, on that day of surgery, uh I remember sitting in the room with Tracy and the doctor, and Tracy was adamant, telling the doctor, look, we really wanted kids, and please don't take out anything of her reproductive organs. And the doctor was saying, Well, you know, we're gonna we'll see how things go, and you know, hopefully we'll we'll be okay. And when they went back, you know, Tracy told the doctor again before she uh went under, just saying, Look, Doc, really don't take everything out. I really want to have kids. So the doc came out and said, you know, after the surgery, things things went fine. He came out and he said, you know, he'd really struggled with his decision to keep the healthy half of her system in her because the cyst attached was found to have borderline malignancy potential in the cyst. And his fear of ovarian cancer in someone so young, 23 year olds, 23 years old at the time, was worrisome. Now remember, this is 1992, right? Uh medicine's a little bit different nowadays. And he wanted to take everything out. And the procedures were different then, so he just remembered Tracy's last words to him and they stuck. So he left half of her uh system in, so to speak. Now, after a checkup visit, the doc told us to have your kids and have them fast because then we're gonna come back in and we're gonna take everything else out. You know, so we're young, and so we did, right? And here we are, thirty plus years later, with four married adult children, three grandsons, and one on the way. I mean, it's amazing. You know, I'm in the turf industry, and you know, Tracy had four kids with half of her operating system in place. It's like trying to mow your lawn with a two-blade deck, and only one of the blades is rotating. Shout out to my friends out there in the turf industry. You know, but during the years of us having children, we had lost a baby between number three and number four, between Tiffany and Clay. And during that time, we're going to name that child Elsa if it was a girl. So I want you to keep that in mind as well. And I remember, you know, the pain that we had. Um we had the miscarriage, and boy, my wife, she didn't want to talk to anybody. And family were calling to call on her, and they're getting mad at me, and she's like, I don't want to talk to anybody. Please don't give me the phone. She was just kind of in a dark place for a while. And, you know, we're we're gonna go back to church. So we go back to church one Sunday, two Sundays, both days in a row, there was a baptism with the hymn playing, I hear I was there for your burning cry. And if you know that song, it's like, man, it was cutting right through us. Third week, no baptism. We felt relieved. The fourth week back to church, another baptism, same song. I'm like, Lord, this has got to be some kind of sick joke. But now, you know, our children are older. And as have we matured in our relationship together as a couple, with our relationship between parents and our children, and most importantly between us and God, God has shown us how He is God the Redeemer, God the healer. Twenty-eight years later, from ninety-two, it's twenty twenty, right before all this COVID craziness. And my son, Jake, and Nyoung get married on February first. Remember that was the day that my father passed. Now that day is no longer in my mind, the anniversary of my father's death. It used to play such a big weight on my shoulders, and I remember when I passed the day that I passed his earthly life, I just felt relief, which is crazy because I'm a believer, and I know that one day I will be in heaven with Jesus. But that date for some reason just played on my mind. But now that date of February 1st is no longer a sad date, but it's a joyous anniversary date in our family. Jake was the first of my kids to get married to Nyang, and God not only redeems, but he redeems bigger than we think. For our youngest son Clay married our now daughter in law Karina, whose birthday just so happens to be February first. A date that used to be a cloud over me and has become a celebratory one. And by the way, Karina's middle name is Elsa. Twenty-four years after the miscarriage, God has given us our Elsa. God redeems sorrow in big ways. And I believe that the redemption is even bigger than I can imagine because I'm fully convinced, fully convinced that I will see my fifth child that was miscarried one day in heaven when I go to be with the Lord. Well, why do I think that? Well, there is certainly a lot of scriptural support to back this up. And while it does not directly tell us that, the info that supports this that scripture inferences and I'm par paraphrasing here from a focus on the family article from three different areas. The first is Genesis 127. That reads, So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him. Made male and female he created him. Also in Psalm 139, verses thirteen through sixteen, we read this. For you formed my inward parts, you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works, my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance. In your book were written every one of them in the days that were formed for me when as yet there was none of them. Every human conceived is in the image of God. Every human is redeemable because of God's plan and salvation by sending his son. So the question becomes Is an unborn child redeemable? And the short answer is yes. Well, why is this? And here I'll quote from focus directly. Because of something called the age of accountability. Biblical passages such as Isaiah 715 and 16, which I'll read here first. 715, he shall eat curds and honey when he knows how to refuse the evil and choose the good. For before the boy knows how to refuse the evil and choose the good, the land whose two kings you dread will be deserted. Seem to indicate these verses that children can't be held responsible for their own actions and decisions until they reach a certain age. Scripture doesn't indicate precisely where this line should be drawn, but we are led to assume that any person whose life ends before he crosses the threshold into spiritual maturity, as it were, is automatically redeemed. Thus, when my time on this earth ends, I fully expect one day that I will meet my other son or daughter that I could not hear in this world. So I know that maybe some of you have experienced a miscarriage as well. And I'm so grateful that in the studio now joining me is my oldest son Jake, who he's gonna just kind of talk on to the next generation of our family here. So, Jake, welcome to the studio. Uh so appreciate you sharing your story with us.

SPEAKER_02 11:08

Yeah, thanks for having me.

SPEAKER_00 11:10

So, Jake, uh, let's just talk a little bit about over the last few years and how you and Nyung had a difficult time. Why don't you go ahead and and tell out your story?

SPEAKER_02 11:20

Yeah, of course. I think to start, you know, we we're young, we're inexperienced in this field, and we just thought, you know, it just kind of happens quickly and and easily, and never, of course, anticipated like I mean, who people don't really anticipate or plan for bad things to happen like this, but you know, we we had uh to begin kind of our parenthood years, we we did have two miscarriages first prior to our our son Zechariah. So each time, you know, it was it was the mountaintop of joy, and we announced it to family and we announced it to friends again, just naively thinking like why why would anything go wrong? Why, why? I mean, like this is such a good thing. And I think that this the first one was pretty early on that we we lost the the child, and then uh that was really hard, and then the second one we were in the the second trimester, and so I think we thought we were in the clear, um, heartbreak each each time, of course. And I think to add to that, with both instances, my wife and I were actually uh apart. So the the first time Nayung was in South Korea, and I was hours from home. Um, well, actually, it wouldn't have been my home at that time. My my parents' place, hours from my parents' place. I was doing a a trek from Fresno, California back to Wisconsin. We we were moving back, and part of the reason for that move was because we were expecting a child and we wanted them to be closer to to family. And I got a call from from Nyung that we had we had lost uh the child. The second one, I you know, she she just had a feeling it was a similar instance to the first one, and so she went in and I was in Ohio for work, and I just remember I'll never every time I go back to Columbus Airport, I I just I look at that spot at the table when I got the phone call from her and um heard the news that we had we had lost this baby again, and um, you know, just traveling home multiple connections at an airport with news like that. I mean, it was just like I felt soulless and just so heartbroken and just gutted. Um and I think you know, to to add to that what really stung, and I I wish I could say this this wasn't the case, but you know, this is the Barry Shield podcast. We're supposed to be real, so that's what we're gonna do here. But my my sister Tiffany was expecting as well at this time, and and they found out just a few weeks after my wife Nyoung and I, and so you know, we had we had these really just exciting plans, and we were talking about baby stuff together, and we were like, let's go through the what to expect book and and we'll do that together, and you know, we're just we're just excited about these kids growing up so so close in age, and so having to lose the kid after it being our second one, and then my sister here is is pregnant was was really difficult.

SPEAKER_00 14:55

Yeah, you know, as parents, your mom and I were just devastated for you, especially that first one because you guys were apart and Nyung was halfway around the world, you know. I remember like waiting for you to come in the house because it was late. You got you arrived late and we were wondering, hope everything's okay, wonder what happened, hope we didn't have a flat tire or whatever. I saw you saw you and mom hugging in the driveway, right? And I just was like, oh my heart just fell for you. And then, you know, to see the second one when you know Tiff was just doing so well with her pregnancy. Man, it was it was hard for us, and certainly we wanted to help however we could, you know, but to pray for you, certainly, right? To be available, yes. Um that was just a tough time, right? And then Calm comes along and he's been a firecracker, a great part of our family. Um lots of energy and but initially, right, we yeah, I could be wrong, but I thought mom and I thought saw some hesitation from the new aunt and uncle, right? Uh yeah to just simply embrace Callum.

SPEAKER_02 16:09

Yeah, I mean, again, just in in the real attitude, I would love to say I had joy for my sister and I I was so excited to meet Callum. And I mean, just with uh what Nayung and I were going through, I mean we we were not really interested in in meeting him. I think it was just wrestling with these feelings of like God, this is so unfair and and painful. And I mean it was like a it's a fa it was a phase we're in where nothing would help, you know. Um wonderful uh verses that people would send, and it's just like this is not it's not what I need. This is not helping. It's it's good, yes, and I know deep down I believe it, but right now I don't believe it. And so I mean we we were just depressed and so angry and and jealous and really stuck in in this spot. And so it was it was really hard to navigate. And I I could and I I still feel so sorry that Tiffany probably felt some of that too and and felt like she maybe was walking on eggshells around us. You know, it was just a really difficult time, really challenging for for all of us, I think, as as a family.

SPEAKER_00 17:29

Yeah, you know, and we we sensed that, and I know mom and Tiff talked about it a little bit, and we knew it was gonna take time. And you know, I remember um you know, just thinking that, okay, this is what we're gonna be praying about, and we're gonna continue to check in with you guys, and we're gonna continue to pray, and then we're gonna pray some more. And I remember though, you know, Tiffany was just she gets her big Tiffany smile and is just so excited to see her big brother come in the door and visit. And you know, now you guys have such a great relationship you know with Callum and he loves Uncle Jake, gets excited. I mean you guys see each other, you we all we live fairly close to to one another, and so you s we see each other often. And I remember, you know, the first crack was I think Nyang, right? She was starting to hold him and embrace him and then he followed suit. So I was that was like an answer to prayer.

SPEAKER_02 18:32

Yeah, and I I just remember the first time holding him, I just I would just cry every time because I mean he it is a miracle like you're holding my nephew at this time, and it's I mean it's incredible, and I am truly joyful in that moment. But every time we left it was it was hard for Nyung specifically. Every time we would drive home, a lot of that would come to surface again, and and we would just talk through it, and just I think realizing that it would take a bunch of time, but um yeah, I mean when we were holding him and just it was it was just more confirmation that we wanted to be parents. I mean, watching Nyoung hold Callum was so like attractive and just seeing how she teaches him and interacts and loves on him uh was precious and that that helped a lot.

SPEAKER_00 19:26

Yeah, so then comes a Sunday morning that I will never forget. And I was at church early. Um I had to bring you know mom to to worship practice, um you know, watching you up there and Nyoung up there, the worship leaders of our church. Mom was on team with you guys, and the three of you were up there, and I was just watching you guys rehearse, listening to the beautiful music you guys were creating. And, you know, you're playing the guitar, you're singing, Naioung is playing the piano, sometimes the cello, and she was singing that morning, and you know, mom's up there with you singing. The three of you guys were singing. I was just so enjoy watching and listening, and I just felt that I should be praying for you guys, and I just remember praying, Lord, like look at them up front. They are serving you. They're helping lead your church. But Lord, they they're so faithful as individuals, as a couple to the church body. Please bless them with a baby. And I was just it wasn't just a whimsical prayer. I was standing and um watching you guys playing worship music, and it was a more powerful prayer than I would say just sitting down and just saying a quick prayer. I just felt the Holy Spirit washing over me, kind of like it's gonna be okay.

SPEAKER_02 20:50

And and you had told me that after church service, and I remember again, like we're going through it very hard heart at this point. Like I remember being like, Yeah, thanks, Dad. That's that's great. Where is this kid? I I'm I'm we're not happy, and my wife is depressed, and there's nothing I can do or say, you know. So it just looking back at that, yeah. Wow.

SPEAKER_00 21:12

Yeah, you are an old man and a fool is what you want to tell me. So then what, sometime later, right? Um I don't know, I can't remember two months later or several weeks later, maybe. I think there was a time where it was just con confirmation time that you were that you knew that you guys you th you assumed you were pregnant again and they figured out the due date and worked back the date of conception. And I young knew the story because I was sitting with her chatting, I can't remember where you were, but I think we were alone together, and I was telling her about the prayer and that's when she says that was the day that they believe in conception happened, and she was like, Yeah, I'm pretty sure that was the day. So uh wink wink. So I'm like, man, that's awesome. So on the Sunday that the Holy Spirit would told me to relax and everything was going to be okay was more than likely the date of conception.

SPEAKER_02 22:12

Yeah, I forget what they refer to that as, but that that's what the nurse told us, like at the appointment. They were like, actually, your date it wasn't this, it was this, that that Sunday, the the thirteenth, whatever month.

SPEAKER_00 22:25

Yeah, so that was something else. And you know, so um the as the date got closer, your due date now, right? People started guessing at when the baby would come. Nayang was saying I wanted it to come yesterday. Um and and I said I I remember just saying, and you know, I could I could easily have said whatever day, you know, but I would just remember saying, no, it's gonna be on a Sunday. It started on a Sunday worshiping the Lord, it's gonna end on a Sunday, it's gonna be Sunday the 13th. And I told the family this is what's gonna happen, right? We're gonna go to church. Uh, and I was scheduled to preach on Luke 7, which is actually uh a podcast, an abridged version of my of my sermon on the podcast here. But I said I was preaching that day on Luke chapter 7. I said I'm gonna be in the middle of my sermon, and Nyung's water's gonna break. I'll have to stop and we'll pray for them, and the rest of the family scooch Nyung to the hospital and off we go. Well, April 13th arrives, and Tracy and I are already at church early, and Jake comes in, but Nyung stayed home because she was feeling contractions, uh, pretty strong ones.

SPEAKER_02 23:38

So now I just sorry to interrupt, but I gotta say, like, just to set the record straight, like she had told me to go. You know, it this was not like a I'm close to labor, and I'm just like, okay, I'm gonna leave you here. Her mother-in-law's here. You know, she was like, I'm good, I'm just uncomfortable. You go to church, I'll do home church with my mom.

SPEAKER_00 23:57

Just so you know, I'm glad you said that you are a good husband. So, yeah, so I get up to preach, and about 10 minutes in, I see Jake, you're on the phone, and then I see you leave uh mom, and you're going to the back of the church where Tiff is with Callum, and all I saw was Tis' face, eyes popping through big, jaw hitting the ground, and you're going out the door saying, Nyoung's water broke. And I look over at mom and she's smiling wide, and what ended up happening was Nyung called Jake and said, Hey, my water broke. And when Jake said after Jake said that, I I said uh in the middle of the sermon, okay, it looks like Jake's going. And the congregation started clapping in excitement, right? We're a small church, so uh it was just awesome. And I stopped the sermon, and we prayed for all, and the cool thing was that it was caught on tape, right? Because my church, Harvest Columbus Church in Wisconsin, videotapes the sermon and posts them online. So it almost happened like I like I stated, it was just that Nyoung's water broke at home, yes, in the middle of my sermon, but not at church. Uh so the cool thing is that the adventure started on a Sunday at church and it ended at church following God, giving God the glory. And your little boy came into the world, and you named him Zechariah Elias. Go ahead. And why did you name him that?

SPEAKER_02 25:30

Yeah, Zechariah means the Lord has remembered, and we just thought you know, we wrestled with we had names for both the first two, if it would be a boy, if it would be a girl, and I I think you know, we were like, do we do we use that now? Because that was a life like you had already spoken about with the scripture. That was that was its own its own name. And so we went with Zechariah, the Lord has remembered because we just felt like though those few years seemed endless, and and I know it sounds dramatic, but most of that time felt like there wasn't any hope in the realm of of kids and and having having kids. And so we felt like with this child, like the Lord remembered our prayers and remembered I think about Nyang like when she was going through it and and depressed, and I don't use that word lightly, I know we throw that around. She, you know, she was depressed, there was nothing I could do or say, and I mean she was furious, and I remember she kept praying and she kept reading scripture, and she said it's it's not that I'm feeling good when I do it, it's that I know that I should. And so she stayed persistent and disciplined in that throughout that whole time, and so we just felt like like the Lord has remembered our grief, our pain, and he has given us this. So Zechariah and then Elias means Yahweh is my God, and and that's you know, we're we've been praying for him um since before he was in the womb, and and you know, we're just praying that God saves him at a young age and that he would be a fierce warrior for for the Lord. So uh that was that was the name that that we gave him.

SPEAKER_00 27:28

Yeah, again, right, just naming him, giving God the glory in a name that will be carried his whole life. There will always be rumored. This is part of your st your story, Jake, and Nyoung's story, your your family's story, and I'm grateful that we're part of that story to give God the glory, because that's what we're here for on this earth, to give God the glory. But the story just doesn't end there. So you were at the hospital, we're visiting, and you told me that um you wrote this devotion or at the hospital one night. Well why don't you uh share?

SPEAKER_02 28:09

Yeah, so this I wrote this on the 15th of April. He was born on the 13th, and that first night you know, it's kind of like you're you're holding on for dear life, and it it didn't feel real at that point. And then the next day was one of the best days of my life, having seeing you and mom, you know, grandma and grandpa coming down the hallway with with my son's other grandma, my mother-in-law walking together, and you guys are all just in tears and overjoyed, and and I will never forget my wife in the hospital bed holding Zechariah as you three walk in, and I mean it was just the most joyous, tear-filled occasion, and it was so precious, it was truly one of the best days of my life. I mean, we all just stood in the room holding this baby all day and just talking and laughing and celebrating, and and so that was the first night, you know, and then because of the storms, you know, and we're just like trying to figure it out. Well, on the 15th, it had started to hit, and it was probably like between 3 and 5 a.m. And I I couldn't sleep, and and I'm just like overjoyed, and and the words started flowing, so I started writing them down. And so yeah, this this was the devotion I I believe God uh was was kind of leading me to write based on some of the experience. So here we go. As I lay in the hospital listening to my now two-day-old son breathe as he nurses, I couldn't help realize how most of, if not all of my pain from the two miscarriages has seemed to vanish. It's almost like the only difference and complaint I had now was that my plans of a family, my plans were just delayed, that's all. But what if I didn't have Raya? Where would my heart be? I think it's safe to say it'd be much harder and it would be much more jealous towards those who have kids when I don't. Fact of the matter is what I wrestled with over and over during the miscarriages was would I be content in God alone if I am never given a child? And not just that, you can use anything. Would I be content in God alone if I don't have a house, this job, a spouse that I desperately desire, a child, etc. Fill in for whatever fits for you. Easy for me to say now because I do I have a child as I lay here with a thankful heart. But God calls us to be satisfied in him alone and in what he has provided, not more or less than that. The world will always lie and tell you you're not as much of a man or a woman unless you have blank. God says otherwise. God says I'm enough, and what I've given you right now is enough. Not the things may not change in the future, because trust me, those two miscarriages changed our lives, and it seemed like it was never-ending pain and jealousy and years of questioning why us, feelings of emptiness and dissatisfaction with life. If there were 734 days during the two miscarriages, then I probably spent 733 of them not feeling thankful for what God had in fact given me and wanting more instead, wanting the child. So I know it's easier said being on the other side of that now, as I lay mere feet from my son. But my challenge is if nothing were to change in your life as far as what you have now versus what you want, and what he has given you, would that be enough? The point is this, God is and will forever be all we need and all that can satisfy our hearts. Search him more. Offer up your heart's deepest longings and desires to him and place your trust in him alone. He may or may not answer the way we often see fit or desire, but he is good and kind and wants all of you to surrender to him and trust him. Written four hundred fifteen Watertown Regional Hospital and the verse to go along with it is Proverbs three twelve. It says, My child, never forget the things I have taught you. Store my commands in your heart. If you do this, you will live many years, and your life will be satisfying. Never let loyalty and kindness leave you. Tie them around your neck as a reminder. Write them deep within your heart, then you will find favor with both God and people, and you will earn a good reputation. Verse five, trust in the Lord with all your heart. Do not depend on your own understanding, seek His will in all you do, and He will show you which path to take. Don't be impressed with your own wisdom, instead fear the Lord and turn away from evil, then you will have healing for your body and strength for your bones. Honor the Lord with your wealth and with the best part of everything you produce. Then he will fill your barns with grain, and your vats will overflow with good wine. My child, don't reject the Lord's discipline, and don't be upset when he corrects you, for the Lord corrects those he loves, just as the Father corrects a child in whom he delights. Amen.

SPEAKER_00 34:00

Yeah, Amen, and thank you so much, Jake, for your courage to share this this evening. You know, I mean, a fantastic devotion. I know it was a painful story, but God is the healer, God is the redeemer. And you know, to kind of wrap up our story today, I was holding Zechariah today, and as I held held him, you know, no one else is in the room, and I I've I've done this with with Callum too, you know, just pray blessings over the grandsons, and I was telling Zechariah today, you know, Jesus loves you, God loves you, and if you seek after him with all your heart, Zechariah, you will do great things for the Lord. And his response was a half smile. And he was all asleep. So I just felt like that is so stinking cool. Yeah. The Lord is in the midst, the Lord is our friend. Yes. And he wants to be with us and have a relationship with us. So God is the Redeemer, the Redeemer above all, and gives us more than we can ever imagine. Folks, if you don't know the Lord, if you're going through something, seek him out. He'll guide you. He'll redeem you if your heart is turned toward him. Seek him in all that you do, and may God bless your life. Thanks for listening. God speak.