Melissa - A Sound Bath Sent Me Back In Time

What if healing doesn’t come the way you expected—but reaches you anyway?

In this episode, Valerie sits down with Melissa —a Navy veteran, mother of three, and a fierce advocate with a servant’s heart—for a conversation that is as honest as it is human. Melissa brings humor, warmth, and just the right amount of spice as she shares her journey through trauma, healing, and learning to trust her body again.

What starts with curiosity about a sound bath becomes something much deeper. Melissa opens up about what shifted when she stopped trying to heal the “right” way and allowed herself to experience something that actually reached her nervous system.

She shares the moment she realized childhood trauma was shaping her marriage—feeling the pull to push her husband away while also fearing abandonment. From there, we explore the realities of therapy, barriers to care, and why modalities like EMDR can feel safer when words are hard to access.

The conversation expands into sound therapy, somatic release, and what it’s like to revisit memories while still feeling grounded and safe in your body. If you’ve experienced hypervigilance, night terrors, or chronic insomnia, Melissa’s experience with improved sleep may resonate deeply.

We also connect the dots between inner child work, mindfulness, parts work, and the daily practice of interrupting old narratives—especially the ones that say “something bad is about to happen.” Melissa shares how prayer supports her healing, how she serves fellow veterans by connecting them to VA mental health resources, and why holistic approaches like Reiki deserve a seat at the table alongside traditional care.

There’s laughter in this conversation, too—because healing isn’t only heavy. Sometimes it’s surprising, sometimes it’s uncomfortable, and sometimes it’s exactly what you didn’t expect.

If you’re searching for trauma recovery tools that meet you where you are, this conversation offers possibilities without pressure.

Take what serves you. Leave what doesn’t.
 You don’t have to carry this alone.

Transcript

Welcome And Content Warning

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Welcome to Defines of Silence. I'm Valerie, your host, a veteran, nurse, and a survivor. This is a space for sacred witnessing. For stories often carried quietly and for the people who hold them. For survivors, healers, and witnesses. Here we stand against the silence that isolates and honor the silence that allows us to truly be heard. Some episodes in this season will focus on sexual trauma and forensic realities. Others will explore moral injury, grief, and the cost of caring deeply in a world that can wound. You're invited to listen at your own pace, pause when you need to, and take what serves you and leave the rest. A gentle note before we begin. This podcast includes conversations about trauma and abuse. Please listen with care and honor your well-being. Thank you for being here and witnessing today's conversation. Hey witnesses, welcome to Defiance of Silence. Happy to have you here with us today. I'm really excited to introduce you to Melissa. Melissa is a Navy veteran. She resides in Texas currently. She is a wife, a mother of three. She is an adventurer and lover of the great outdoors. She's one of the kindest people that I've ever met. Um and she makes it a point to put herself in situations where she can help somebody else. And she wants nothing in return for it. And that to me is really, it's just beautiful. And it's she's one of my favorite people. So welcome, Melissa. Wow, thank you. That was awesome. You're one of the best people I know as well. Oh, well, thank you. I only said that so you would say that to me. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. Um, Melissa and I do know each other uh for a couple of years now, and we've spent some time in some of the veteran spaces just getting to know each other and um have that in common as well. And unfortunately, have some trauma in common too, which is how we landed in this space. So she's gonna tell us today about her healing experience. Um, specifically, you know, just that healing isn't always about doing it the same way as everybody else. And she's somebody that I know had an experience that she's shared with me regarding some um some different modalities. And I'm gonna let her tell us about that in just a second. But before we get started, let's just take a moment and get grounded and just notice where we are, stay present for this conversation. So close your eyes if you're safe to do so.

SPEAKER_01 2:33

Just take a moment and think about and the air coming in through your nostrils.

Navy Life, Marriage, And Texas

SPEAKER_00 2:39

How does that feel? Focus on the tip of your nose and how does the air feel coming out of your nostrils? Is it warmer coming out? These are all things that just help us to get present and and notice where we're at. So thanks for being here. Let's have this conversation. Amazing, Melissa. Thank you for coming. Thank you for coming. I I really um just want to share with our witnesses too that um just to tell on ourselves that we tried to do this last season and it was the shenanigan show, and no one's ever gonna hear it. Umyssa was so gracious to be kind of my guinea pig when I was trying this out to start. And she was so gracious to sit with me, and we both learned some things from that experience. Definitely, and so this this is gonna go a lot better than it did that time. But I say that just with all genuine um gratitude for for you for coming on and being willing to share your heart with us. And um so just tell me a little bit about yourself. Just where did you grow up? And you did join the Navy, so you know, what did you do in the Navy? And then how did you land back in Texas?

SPEAKER_02 3:50

All right, so yeah, I'm originally from Southern California. Um, I joined the Navy at 19 years old. So a little bit after high school, I did try college for a little bit and it didn't end up working out. And I joined the Navy because my grandfather was in the Navy, and so um I really admired him, and so I wanted to, you know, kind of pay homage to that. And um that's why I joined. And I was my job was a mechanical engineer, I was a gas turbine systems mechanic, so I worked on the ship's engines and I was stationed on a ship, the USS Paul Hamilton DDG60 in Pearl Harbor, Hawaii. Um, I ended up in Texas because I um met my husband in Hawaii and we got married, and I got out of the Navy. He stayed in, and his shore duty was in Fort Sam Houston. And so that's how we ended up here. So we actually moved away and came back. Like when we were both out of the military, we're like, let's go to California and we went and we're like, never mind. And we came back to Texas. So, you know, we've been back now five years and we just love it here.

Pushing Love Away To Feel Safe

SPEAKER_00 4:58

Oh, I'm so glad that you're here. Because if you weren't here, I wouldn't have met you. But yeah, tell me how long have you been married? So I've been married, it'll be 15 years in July. Wow, that's incredible! Congratulations. That's a long time. And as a veteran married to a veteran, I can speak for this as well. It's not always easy. No, that is not at all. That is huge. Um kids in there too, and some you know, pets and plants and yes, yes. And then you throw in life, be lifened, and all the things that happen. So so considering that life be lifing and the way things go down, you know, childhood always brings up, you know, memories and things like that. Or excuse me, let me rephrase. Childhood memories often come up when you're in a relationship. And I know that you've had your challenges overcoming some of those things that, you know, happen to us when we're kids. And it's not something that we have to broadcast, but it's just something that kind of naturally occurs because it's the only thing we know. So like we find each other and we trauma bond and we end up in these relationships, and all of these patterns replay themselves. So you find yourself in a place where you're vulnerable, you feel um just really unsettled, and and you've got to go on a healing journey and you don't even know where to begin. So, can you kind of just fill us in a little bit? What was going on with you when you realized that you needed some help?

SPEAKER_02 6:29

Yeah, so man, like diving into that, but not too deep, because we don't got that much time. Right. Right. So um, I've I realized I needed help when actually I was trying to, and it's a funny way of like saying it, but like separate from my husband without separating from my husband. And it's like because of my childhood trauma, I didn't know how or what to say or do, but I told my husband, I was like, you know, I don't want to be with you anymore, but don't move out, don't go anywhere, like literally don't change anything. So, like I didn't even make sense in what I was saying or like what I was trying to make happen. But I was like, after that fact, it was like thinking, and we did talk to like a therapist, and she's like, Okay, essentially, she's like, Melissa has trauma, and instead of letting you in and telling you what's going on, she's gonna push you away. And so that's what happened because my husband's my best friend. Like, no matter what, no matter if every freaking night he's snoring and drives me nuts, and I want to strangle him, he's my best friend. You know what I mean? And so it's like, okay, something's not right where I want to push him away instead of letting him know like I'm drowning inside. And so, yeah, that's how I figured it out.

SPEAKER_00 7:59

Wow, that's really powerful. And I'm glad that you found a therapist to let you know that because that is the thing. Like, we'll abandon ourselves, we'll we'll abandon you before you can abandon me. Like, that's that was my operations. Like, I'm gonna abandon you before you can abandon me because then it's my terms. So I yeah, I resonate that, and I know that a lot of these witnesses probably do too. So after that, you started therapy together, or like what did your healing journey start like? Because a lot of times, um, you know, you don't know where to start, and so you kind of start it's it's like opening a rusty gate. It's like, I don't know how this sounds terrible, and it's like you know, and everything's falling apart, and you're not really sure what you're doing. You're just trying to get the damn gate open. So yeah, so people I think resonate with hearing the beginnings because you can listen to somebody who's done years of a healing journey and be like, wow, that's amazing. I could never get there. But guess what? They weren't there in the beginning of their so I find great comfort and insight in hearing how people started and how what was that like for you?

Sound Baths And Somatic Trauma Release

SPEAKER_02 9:06

Yeah, so I did start um with therapy, and I gosh, honestly, I can't remember if it was individual or um marriage counseling that we started with, but I do remember at some point I told my husband, I'm gonna have to take a pause on this marriage counseling because like I'm so messed up. I need to focus on me. I can't even think about us as a couple right now, but like I need your support in that. And I had to, you know, explain that to him because um he knows it now, he is sensitive. And so I basically had to be like, this ain't about you. I love you, but it's not about you. So like let me fix me and then let I'll circle back. And so um, I did have individual therapy and then it like ran out, which I was like at a different retreat recently, and they were like, don't come in here talking about the VA because we're not gonna be able to fix it in this, you know, time span. So that's a whole other issue that I know a lot of us can um relate to. And and I know I did want to do MDR, EMDR because you don't essentially have to speak about a lot. And I have a hard time with communication. To me, it feels like if I say it out loud, then it's real. And so um, it started with that. I wanted to do MDR, my VA therapist um stopped, and so I was like, okay, and this is what I do a lot in life. I'm gonna figure this out on my own. Yeah. How can I fix this, you know, on my own? And so I started to like, you know, do a Google search. Essentially, I landed on um sound therapy. And I do go to a local yoga studio and I saw that there was a um teacher there that did this, and it was also linked with um somatics. So, like somatics is like a sort of stretching, and like what I read about it, and so I might be saying this wrong. I'm sorry to the people that are like actually certified in this. I have a deep respect for you, but it's like you're holding trauma in your body, and there are certain, even just a way of breathing, um, breathing and uh stretching that you can release this trauma or this tension that's in your body. Like I've literally been to classes now a few times, and like we're just stretching, like literally touching our toes or bending over or you know, whatever, and you you start crying or you let out a yelp. And those are things that are stuck in your body. So, anyways, I I found a teacher near me that was holding a class for a sound bath. And so I took a friend with me, actually. And so I go to this sound bath and I'm like, okay, you know, I'm here and I'm gonna like just see what this is about. And so she's like, it's so a sound bath is a crystal sound bowl, and they have like um some sort of not a mallet, but it's like a a thick wooden stick. So things are probably made out of certain things. And again, I'm sorry for the people that do this. I don't know the exact um names of things, right? It's okay. But I feel like though it is important, like you probably are supposed to have certain things so that it's done correctly. Um but anyway, she's you know, doing the sounds, so I'm like listening to what she's saying, I'm listening to the sounds, and the sounds, you know, they go through your body, you can feel it like vibrating. And I was like in that instance, like transported back to my ship. And I was like, what the heck? And a light turned on in the studio, and like I was in my ship though, like in my mind, and a light turned on, and I was laying in my rack, and I was like, Oh, hell no. And so I woke myself up. I was like, nope, not ready. And so I came out, and so then I'm like, wait a minute. So, like, you know, we leave the class or whatever, and like my friend was like, I don't know, that was kind of weird. And I was like, oh, okay. You know, I didn't really give an opinion because I I just wasn't sure about it. Yeah. And so I started to read up on it and I was like, okay, like this can really do something for you. Like, you, but you gotta be open and ready. And so I didn't take someone with me the next time because I realized if I have somebody with me that I know, or if like almost I'm conscious about people around me, and I'm thinking, like, oh, what are they gonna think? What are they gonna? I have to like really let go and be there for me and my journey and what I'm trying to get out of it. So I go to another class and I'm by myself, and I'm like, I I pray before I do anything, and I'm like, I'm ready. I'm coming in here and I'm ready. So it was at a different studio, the same teacher, and she starts talking and she starts playing the sound bowls, and I was like transported again, but this time I was so ready and willing and able, and I was like little me, like sad and crying, and like then I could feel my actual body like trembling, and I was crying like in real life outside too, and like breathing really fast, and like all of although I was having this like actual physical reaction, I knew I was safe.

SPEAKER_00 14:16

That's important, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 14:18

Yes, and like and it's a huge thing too when you do these, um when you do these things that you are with somebody like a teacher or instructor or whatever that you do trust. It's a huge deal, just like your therapist. You're not gonna go to a therapist that you hate, you know, you're not gonna go to a doctor that you hate, you're gonna keep looking until you find one that you, you know, you vibe with, that you feel safe with. It's super huge. Um, so, anyways, like, so that happened. And like after the class, I like go up to the teacher and I'm like, you're a witch. And she's like, Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 14:55

Now, can I pause you and ask you a couple of questions if you're comfortable sharing? You said you were transported back to when you were little. Are you comfortable sharing what exactly that you experienced?

SPEAKER_02 15:06

Yeah. So, like the the part that I went back to was like, I remember being left like outside of my daycare before it would open because I was raised by a single mom and she worked hard. Nobody can doubt that. She is a hard worker. Um, but I don't think she always knew or had the space to be the type of mom that I needed her to be, I will say. Sure. And so I was taken back to like a time being left out of daycare, like before it was open. So I was scared and I was little, I was elementary, you know, and I'm just like confused. Like, why am I being sitting out here? You know what I mean? And so I was like there and I was like, you're okay, you're safe. Like now, like you're almost, or not almost, you are. You're talking to your younger selves and you're saying, like, you made it out and you're okay now. Now you're an adult and you're safe. And like that's what you're doing, like when you're being transported back, or at least that's what I was doing. And then I was also brought to like a little bit of older me, like maybe teenage age. And I and it was the same thing, like just a lot of like at that age, I was just like confused. Like, why did I always feel so like abandoned or like alone? And so it was just like, you're safe, you're an adult now, and you're safe and you're okay.

SPEAKER_00 16:24

So you were able to communicate with yourself in that moment and go back to that exiled little person and say, Hey Melissa, yeah, we made it. Look at us, like we're right here. Yes, that's that's incredible. That is incredible that all of that happened through sound. And what I heard you say is that you have to be open and ready. And I think for myself, that has been one of the biggest things. And it's like I've been on a healing journey for 20 years, but it wasn't until the last like three or four that things started to make sense, and I realized I wasn't really open. I just yeah, like I wanted the squeeze, the juice, I wanted all the stuff, but I didn't want the actual squeeze. Let me say it that way. I wanted the juice, I wanted the juice, but I didn't want the squeeze. I wanted to like tap dance around the side of it. And then I would hear people share stories like what you're saying, and and think, well, I want that. But then when our body, our body, my body, started to respond and have that, it was like, nope, just like you said, like, nope, not ready for it, and you shut it off. So that that I want people to hear that and know, like, that's okay. You might not be able to that it's okay, that you have to start small, and I love that you shared it that way. So after you meet your teenage self and you leave this class, then what happened? Did you go experience this more? Or was that like how did that go for you once once you had this transformative experience?

SPEAKER_02 17:53

Yeah, I did. I was like um almost seeking it out. And so this teacher actually does this, I would say at the very least, once a month. And um, I will shout out the yoga studio, Black Swan Yoga. They're legit, like they have all different classes for like all different things. Um, and it's donation based. But, anyways, this teacher is like certified in like all the freaking right things. I'm like, dude, you're an angel sent from heaven above. And so, like, I go to her classes, I seek them out. But I will also say, like, you're saying is like you have to be ready. And so, like, oftentimes I sign up ahead of time and like the day of, I will say out loud to my husband, even and like, I don't want to go because I know it's gonna be hard work. And like you said, it's like you do want to heal, but like once you actually started getting into the healing, it's not just like you're gonna be getting hugs and like being told everything's okay. No, like you have to go back to the trauma and like almost relive it, and then say to those people back then and say, it's all right, and you made it through. And I'm sorry that happened to you. And so every time my husband's like, you should go, you know, you're gonna regret it if you're not, if you don't, and I'm like, all right. And so I always go. I'm like slightly resistant. Once I get there, I'm like, okay. And every time after, I'm like, thank God I went.

Meditation, Inner Child, And Trust

SPEAKER_00 19:18

Yeah, yeah. I think that it's important to highlight that healing does look different for everybody. And there are parts of the journey that are incredibly beautiful, but also painful. Those those two things can exist at the same time. And this is something I've been like walking with and wrestling with for the past several days, actually. I'll just I'll just share with you since we're having this conversation. Um, I had a meditation, this was months and months ago, excuse me, months ago, that was really I felt profound in the moment and I didn't have a whole lot of meaning to it. I just was like, okay, I'm gonna hold this loosely. And in that meditation, I was just like in my bed sitting up meditating at the end of the day, and my little self was in the driveway and it's it's a house that I used to live in that was somewhat traumatic memories in that home, particularly. And I always for some reason felt this weird thing like I needed to go back to that town, back to that house, and like make peace with it for some reason. But I was like, that's dumb, it's just a house. But like there was this emotional charge attached to that place, right? So I'm in the driveway. This is all in my meditation. So I'm in the driveway, me as a little, and I have this particular dress on that I loved to wear when I was a kid, and there was a tree on the side of the driveway, and I used to climb that tree to really escape like just all the things. And I was a very adventurous child, too. It's not saying that everything was horrible. I just love climbing that tree, and I had a great perspective of the whole property, and I could be above everything. So if anybody came outside looking for me, they wouldn't look up in the sky. I'd be in the tree. So, so I have shared previously on other podcasts. Um, and we recently had a therapist named Victoria on. If you remember, if an if anybody listened to that, and she I shared the story about I wasn't able to connect with that little. I like she was dead inside, she didn't want to hug me, all of this stuff. So this was profound because in this meditation, it was the same scenario, except for this time when she saw me, she was excited to see me and she took me by the hand and she brought she brought me into the tree. I know, like I haven't talked about this out loud yet. So this is the first time I'm sharing this um with anybody, but I she took me into the tree and was just showing me all the cool things, and it wasn't like she was damaged or harmed, like she's totally safe and she was comfortable with she trusts me. Yeah, and that was the thing, the thing that I found out in EMDR was like she doesn't trust me. And EMDR brought that out, and that really helped me to get in touch with that. So I'm in this tree, and I, as an observer, am just like, oh my gosh, I love. You, I I love you so much, I love you so much, and like happy tears, right? And I still struggle to access tears sometimes. So, like that, even in itself was pretty profound for me. So, anyway, it was time to go, and I was like, I don't, I don't want to go, and I don't want you to go. And like the bell went off for my timer. I use an app that has a timer and it's a singing bowl, and the bowl like sings at the end. Yes, and it was over, and I could hear the bell, you know, in the background. It was pulling me out of the meditation. I was like, No, no, no, no, no, no, I don't want to go. I I don't want to go. I'm gonna stay right here. And she kind of just faded away, and it was like, nope, it's okay, you gotta go. So I I came out of that experience, like, what in the world? And so this was like six months ago, I guess. Um and recently I just had another meditation, similar, same place, similar experience, except for this time she took me into the house, into the house where I and I was like, I don't know if you should be in there. Like I never said anything to her, but in my mind I was thinking, I don't think you should be in here. Like, you shouldn't be in this house. And we only went to the entryway, and then there was nothing in the house, and I didn't feel any body sensations in the house. I wasn't activated. There was nothing going on for me internally when I stepped into the house. And it was, I I knew there was just a knowing that I knew that it was just a house. Like she was telling me it's just a house. Like the house itself doesn't mean anything, it's just wood and bricks, and it's just a house. And I was able to let go of that house and all of the memories with that house that kept coming up for me in that time and let them go. And I was like, same thing. When the bell went off, I was like, I don't want to go. I love you, I don't want to go. And I just really was like, I don't know what to make of this. I don't know what to make of this. And it's been in my awareness, it's been in my awareness recently. Um, specifically in the last few days, it just keeps coming to mind that particular those two particular meditations. And I'm like, hmm, I don't have to make meaning of it necessarily, but I feel like there's just this theme in these non-traditional ways of healing, like with meditation and and what you're experiencing, that we can access something that's already inside of us. It's already there. We just have to give it permission. And like when you said, you just have to be open and ready. Like the first time I did EMDR and I met that little person, I was not ready. And I was not able to um and I felt rejected by my own self, if that makes any sense, because she didn't trust me. And I'm like, yeah, I'm like, what do you mean you don't trust me? I've gotten us this far, haven't we? You know, and then I'm thinking, maybe she's smarter than me. She knew not to trust me, but I wasn't trusting myself. So all of these things have this theme. Exactly. You know, and I know you get what I'm saying, and some of my thoughts about that are just kind of all over the place at times. And I know uh the listeners are probably like, okay, this is too much. This is too much for me. But I felt the same way in the beginning of my journey. Like, this is not something that I could ever access. And I never thought I would have a meditation like that. Most of the time, meditation for me, does there's nothing happening. I'm just gonna tell you that right now. Like 99% of the time, I just I'm done and I'm peaceful. Or I fought my brain the whole time, my monkey brain, trying to say, you know what, just notice, Valerie, stop thinking about it, just notice it and let it pass. So I don't want to make it like it's this magical potion or right, because it's not whatever. But but it's really the internal work that we're doing on ourselves prior to engaging ourselves in this way. And that's what I'm getting at is doing the work, being in community, learning about yourself and taking a good hard look at yourself is how you become open and ready. Like there's no process for that. So, yeah, what I hear you saying is that you knew you weren't ready, and then you went home and did the work and got ready. So, how did you do that? What was your process like? What were you thinking and feeling in between those two experiences? Were you like, okay, how do I get ready? Or did it just sort of naturally come where you just made peace with what could possibly show?

Prayer As A Readiness Practice

SPEAKER_02 26:13

Oh no, definitely not. I'm so stubborn. Um, how I got ready was prayer, like all day, every day. Honestly, like that is my go-to for everything. And so I um I like deep down knew that this thing could really help me. And so I just prayed. And I I pray so much now, even that like when I'm gonna do anything, I'm like, God, just help me take from this what you want me to take, you know, or you know, have this work for me how you want it to work. And I just like in general in life, I try to trust God in everything and anything that I'm doing because you know, these are things that He created for us and He gave, you know, people gifts to help people like us that are hurting and need healing. And so I just pray and I'm like, okay, God, I see this thing that you know can really do some good work and like please help me to utilize that.

SPEAKER_00 27:13

Yeah, that's powerful. And that that's the go-to for me too, is just really making sure that I'm in a posture of gratitude and humility and just yeah, open to whatever God wants to show me. And I don't always like it. I'm just gonna be honest. Like I can't, I don't know a person that I don't know a person that really is in prayer and relationship with spirit that can say they always like everything that happens because sometimes um, you know, you may be shown something that you didn't really want to see. But I can always look back and go, yeah, I didn't like that in the moment, but now I'm so thankful. And I feel like what's left me and what I've left behind for 2025, you know, moving into 2026, by the time this airs, it's gonna be like March, but right now it's January. So, but moving into 2026 and thinking about the future, but not being so future-minded that I'm leaving the present, you know, just really just thinking, what do I want to leave behind? And one of those things was for me was just leaving behind expectations that I think I know what God's gonna do, or that I have some kind of um right to know. Like I just want to be present and be available for whatever it is, and also just leaving behind any um notion that it has to be my way, and that is huge. And I think that's where a lot of this recent growth for me has come is just realizing like things are not gonna go my way, and that's okay. Um it's actually better, and if I can get out of my own way, I will feel much I I feel more alive now than I ever have. And I've faced some pretty tough things um in my past that don't feel so tough on this side of it during during the thing, of course, but on this side, I think, man, I can see now where the provision was, and I can see now where I was always hypervigilant. I can see now, even though all those things were going on, I was still being taken care of. And I just had this epiphany a couple of days ago that I woke up and I had this such a sense of gratitude, and I I caught myself like smiling about it. And then immediately my brain was like, the shoes, the the shoe's gonna drop. The other shoe's gonna drop. You're so you have so much gratitude right now, and you're at so much peace right now. Remember this because when something bad happens, because that's probably what that means, is that you're gonna need to remember this moment right now that you that you have stuff to be grateful for. And I was like, wait a second. And I realized that that's like that old programming that I was subscribing to and this performance and all these things that I was doing, and just realizing, no, I don't have to accept that. That was a thought, and that's all it was. And I can notice that thought and be like, guess what? Shut your mouth. We're not going there, and I'm not gonna spiral on worrying about what's gonna come. I'm not gonna pre-game my anxiety over something that hasn't happened. And that that for me was I mean, in an instant, as soon as I acknowledged that I don't have to make any meaning out of this, I woke up grateful today, and it's okay for me to be grateful for today. Yeah. Do I feel so grateful right now? Um and I tell you, when I made that shift in my brain, it all the thoughts went away. All of the overthinking was just gone in the instant, and I thought, man, like that scenario would have messed up my whole day in times past. And so it's just a nod to doing the work. It is not me doing something incredible, it's me just realizing that there is a bigger picture here. And when you can access healing in a different way, like what you've done, it opens your eyes to seeing what's available to you if you just keep continuing to be open. And so since you're doing that work, like I can see it on you, you're glowing. I mean, it's it's been a beautiful journey to watch you. Um, you know, because when we first met, I would say we both were not in the greatest places we could. Yeah, we're looking so so it's it's beautiful to sit with somebody who um is just done suffering and done feeling sorry for themselves. It's not to say we don't have bad days, it's not to say that there isn't stuff that comes up that we're like, okay, great. But navigating it and having a different lens to look at it is just so incredible. And I'm incredibly honored that you're sharing this story with us. And also just noticing like you can still um go around the same problems. Maybe there's more lesson that you still need to learn or whatever it is, but I have a different perspective when I go through it again. So if you think of like a spring and a spiral, you can spiral down all you want, but you can also go around the same problems and have a higher perspective. And so you're just gonna maybe a little bit different than before. So my therapist used to tell me, girl, you need to spiral up. You're spiraling up. Yeah, you're still, yes, you're still facing the same similar situations, but spiral up. So you have a higher perspective, and that lens gets wider. And then the higher you spiral, then you know it's a non-issue. So the things that were issues to me then, I can walk away now and go, yeah, I'm not even gonna go there. Yeah. And it's okay. And I sleep just fine. I sleep just fine, knowing that I can leave that with God and leave that in in the hands where they belong, not in mine. So um, yeah, I don't know why I got on that.

SPEAKER_02 32:44

And I really think well, I really think too that God keeps giving you the same uh situations until you learn, like until you change the way that you, you know, have reacted in the past. And like to go on what you were saying too is how you know you're being so grateful and then your mind's like negative all of a sudden. And it reminded me of this book that I read called Conquest of the Mind. And it's essentially about like you retraining your mind um in the way that you actually want it to go. And so, like, you're so used to being negative that even though you have this slight little change of like, oh, I'm so grateful, your old mind is still there saying, Well, let's, you know, let's see the negative in this. And you literally have to like, it's it's almost or it is exhausting because you're like, nope, we're not doing that. Yeah, we're not doing that anymore. You can go get out because we don't like you anymore. We're just gonna be grateful and we're not gonna think about the negative or let it, you know, overtake us at in any sort of way.

SPEAKER_00 33:44

Yeah, and and it that's a nod also to um the internal family system, like we talk about a lot on this podcast. I don't know if you've done any internal family system work, but it's it's talking about the parts of us. So there are parts of us that are still going to want to make sure we're safe. And that manager side of me is gonna go, okay, Valerie, you have all of these things to do today, and you don't have time to feel. We don't have time to do that, you know? And so those parts of us are still gonna have the negativity or the negative thoughts. But as I work with those parts and start to show them they can trust me to take care of myself and protect my younger self, those things start to fade away. And that's really what I'm seeing from that. So if you haven't, if you're listening and you haven't done any internal family system work, I highly recommend the book Um No Bad Parts. It's actually a really great explanation of all of those inner workings of that we have. And I have affectionately named my manager and my firefighter Tina and Gina. So I have a quick reference for them when I'm when I'm like, all right, Gina, that's enough. That is enough. And when my procrastination is real high, I'm like, Tina, that's enough. You know, there's Tina, Tina, damn it.

SPEAKER_02 34:58

It makes me think of Napoleon Dynamite and then you know where my head's going with that.

Better Sleep And Calmer Reactions

SPEAKER_00 35:02

That's where it came from, actually. And that's why it's so funny. Somebody with a fro that's in. I'm just saying. Um we're not gonna talk about that. That was a good time. I got pictures came a long time ago, but that was just a glimpse of um of me being silly, anyways. Yes, I digress. Um, so tell me about tell me about real quick. Um, so after you had this experience, I guess we've gotten off track, but that's okay. You're welcome. Um talking about how this changes you, what was this like for your family? Like, how did things change at home after you started to have this experience where you were really getting in touch with who you are and the things that you were learning about yourself? How did that change the dynamic in your home and your marriage?

SPEAKER_02 35:52

Um, and with my marriage, I will say for sure, being able to um communicate my feelings more because before I would hold everything in. Uh, so that was huge. And I will say too, with myself, I always struggled um with sleep probably probably the last 15 years, like probably since I've been out of the Navy, um I have night terrors and stuff, but it's not just about my military, it's a um experience, it's also about childhood, actually a majority about childhood. Um, and when I started to do sound baths, my sleep is like uninterrupted, like a huge, huge game changer. And like if you know anything about health and wellness, you know if you're not sleeping, it does not matter if you're eating well or exercising or doing literally everything else you're supposed to. If you're not sleeping, you're not healthy. The end. And so, like my sleep changing was like so huge. Um, I felt I just started to feel so much better, you know, getting that rest and then being able to communicate with my husband. Um, and then with my family as well, you know, really being able to like stop and listen and think about what was happening instead of reacting right away. Like I feel like I had a lot more patience and like not in a negative way, but no more expectations for people. Despite how I wanted them to, you know, act or feel, I just accepted the way that they were acting and feeling and not reacting to it. Yeah, it's huge, man. It's like, ugh, it just makes everything like calmer and calmer. And like, that's the things that I try to remember when I don't want to go to a class or you know, don't want to work on my healing. I'm like, okay, think about the things that have changed for the positive thus far. Don't you want them to get better? You know?

SPEAKER_00 37:56

Yeah, that's powerful.

SPEAKER_02 37:58

Yeah, that's powerful.

SPEAKER_00 38:00

I know we've had some conversations in the past about even saying to each other, like, girl, that has nothing to do with you. You better let me know. Yes, that's huge.

SPEAKER_02 38:08

No idea. Yes, that's helped me so much. That has nothing to do with you. And it feels mean. So vain. No, I it does feel vain, right? But it's like so real. It's like, dang, girl, no one's thinking about you. They forgot your name. Like, oh shoot.

SPEAKER_00 38:24

You know it, you're probably right. Yep. And and if they didn't, let them like that's the whole thing, like just being willing to show up as your authentic self. And I've watched you turn into that, and I watch you through service to others, and that's something I want you to talk a little bit about. I know you don't want the accolades for this, and you would never put your name out there as someone who does things like that, but I I know for a fact that you are the person that takes somebody's soup when they're sick, whether they asked or not. You are the person that has gone to people's homes and said, no, no, no, no, get your head out of the mud. I'm gonna help you with this VA claim. No, no, no. We're gonna do these things, and I got you. Like, I got you. And I just know that about you. So tell me a little bit, tell our listeners, like how that service to others helps to heal you. And how how do you look for ways to do that? How could somebody look for ways to do that? I mean, obviously, we don't want to insert ourselves in places where we weren't invited and things like that, but to be able to serve somebody and not carry their burdens for them and just help them through a difficult time with healthy boundaries in place for yourself. Like that, so many times for me was an issue. I would help anybody with anything, um, despite myself and despite my family, and abandon everything to help somebody else. And that didn't always go well. That that contributed to a lot of the problems that I had. But I've known you to be a person that has healthy boundaries around that. And it's just beautiful to watch you navigate that. And I'm excited to hear your insight.

SPEAKER_02 39:59

Yeah, well, I will say that um it all started with me being in the mud. And a friend of mine in California, shout out to Dia, literally came and was like, girl, I'm taking to the VA so you can get some help. That's where it started. And so when I meet people or when I see people and I can tell they're hurting, because I feel like I'm pretty intuitive, I'm like, hey, if you need help, I'm here. That's it. Because I know how it feels to be on the other side. And what I want why I do this is because I just don't want anyone to feel like they have to stay in those feelings. Because I know how it feels. Like I have to just keep saying that. If anybody out there has been in that position, been severely depressed for whatever reason or even anxious or both, it's it feels so terrible. And it's like I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy, you know? And so I just want to help anybody that's in those situations to get out of them. And if I know that there's a resource that they can get that they're not being held from by anything, I want to help them get that because why not? That's why it's there. And so, you know, that's why I do help people get connected to the VA. And if you're a service member, you know, it's free to you. So a lot of people think, oh, well, I have to pay or I'm supposed to be this amount, you know, disabled or this or that. No, did you serve in the military? Yes. Okay, the end. You're good. Let's go. Yeah. You know, and so I just am helping them. I'm just telling them about the things that are already there for them. That's I'm just like a walking, remember the yellow pages? I'm like a walking yellow pages, you know.

SPEAKER_00 41:56

You are one of those people.

SPEAKER_02 41:57

Yes, you are one of those people. Yes. I met a woman um at the pastor treat I just went to, and you know, we're talking or whatever. And I'm like, oh, you should try this app. Or like, did you know you could do this at the VA and blah blah blah? She's like, How do you know all this stuff? And I'm like, I just like I look them up, I read about them, people call me, people text me, like I just find things out, and I feel like maybe I'm a tool for God, and He knows if I have this information, I'm gonna share it no matter what.

SPEAKER_00 42:30

Yeah, that's beautiful, and I'm really excited to see where that's gonna take you because I know you have some big ideas. So, what did you leave behind in 2025 and what are you looking forward to in 2026?

SPEAKER_02 42:44

What I leave behind in 2025. Shoot. I don't know. I don't know what I left behind. I don't know. Let's let's leave that behind. Yeah, good plan. What about 2026? What are you looking forward to? But 2026, I have a lot of aspirations. I have um something huge on the horizon. I'm really excited about. I've talked to some people about everybody I've talked to about is like, yes, finally, let's go. So I have some big things uh coming up and you know, just working on being positive and being grateful and uh just living life how God wants me to.

SPEAKER_00 43:30

That's beautiful. I'm so excited for you, and I'm so thankful you shared this with us today. And last but not least, I do like to ask all my guests what's something that you do to release things that aren't yours to carry at the end of a long day or the end of you know helping somebody or whatever it is you're doing, how do you shake off all of that stuff and focus on just you?

SPEAKER_02 43:54

Prayer. Like I said, prayer all day, every day. I do uh also. A lot of deep breathing, like very intentional breathing in through my nose, out through my mouth, and I let it go. If I know like I'm helping somebody with a claim and it's gonna be heavy, I ask God to, you know, umbrella myself for protection from those things. And then I pray after be with that person, all the hurt that they're going through, and please be with me for you know being able to help them how you want me to help them. Just prayer, you know, God's there always. Just pray. Just He's listening.

SPEAKER_00 44:32

Oh, I love that. Thank you so much for sharing that with us. Um, do you have any final thoughts to leave with our witnesses today before we close out with a little releasing?

SPEAKER_02 44:44

Uh yes, I didn't get to talk about this at all, but also Reiki, look into it. And I even just discovered Arizona, your VA covers it. Hello.

SPEAKER_00 44:59

Wow, that's interesting. The VA is making some changes for sure. I are I am hoping that they will catch up um with some things. The last decade, so many things have come out that have we have found that have been helpful for veterans that are really suffering. And, you know, we could go on a tangent forever about over-prescribing and all the other things, but that's not what this is about. But it is uh something that people do need to be aware of is that there's there's this over-prescribing epidemic, and also people, you know, go and experience treatments with um plant medicines, and they have been showing amazing results. Yeah. I'm so excited to be um in this day and age where we can witness those things happening, and I hope that more and more people will find ways to to get help that works for them, whether it's um singing bowls or sound baths or yoga or like you said, Reiki, or even um plant medicine, whatever it is. And if it's a prescription, there's nothing wrong with that either. Just I want people to find what what is good for them. And so if you're able to hear what we're saying here, it's just that it's not a cookie cutter one size fits all healing journey. And Melissa, your proof of that. Your journey is very different than um anyone else's, just like anyone else's is different than mine. So I appreciate your time today. And as always, uh witnesses, thank you for being here for this conversation. And we're just gonna let it all go. So take a deep breath in.

SPEAKER_01 46:32

Let it out. Palms up, push them up to the sky, shake it off, let go of anything that's not yours.

SPEAKER_00 46:46

You did it. Thank you, Melissa.

SPEAKER_01 46:49

Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 46:52

Thank you for being here. If this conversation brought up difficult feelings, please take care of yourself in whatever way you need. I welcome you to carry forward what feels steady and release what isn't yours to hold. If additional support would feel helpful, consider reaching out to a trusted friend, a professional, or a resource in your community. Healing is not a straight line, and you do not have to journey this alone. If this space has been meaningful for you, you're welcome to reach out. And if listening quietly is what you need right now, that's enough. You're right where you're supposed to be. Thank you for witnessing with me today, and until next time, remember that you are love and worthy of being witnessed.