Traci - The Call No Parent Wants

The phone rings at 6:30am.
You don’t recognize the number.

Minutes later, everything changes.

In this episode Traci takes us inside the day her 19-year-old son Trent suffered sudden cardiac arrest during a Navy fitness assessment—and the decade that followed. What began as shock became a long, unrelenting journey through ICU decisions, anoxic brain injury rehabilitation, and the invisible labor of caregiving that few people truly understand.

This is not a story about a moment.
 It’s about the long after.

We talk about what caregiver burnout actually looks like when it’s not reduced to a buzzword: Sleeping in 15-minute fragments, forgetting to eat, living in a constant state of fight-or-flight, and carrying the quiet fear of what happens if you let yourself rest.

Traci shares the weight of being asked to sign a DNR, the confusion of navigating medical systems that often misunderstand anoxic brain injury, and the hard-earned skill of becoming an advocate—inside both civilian hospitals and the VA.

We also name what often goes unseen:
The ripple effect of trauma on others, including the classmates who witnessed Trent’s collapse, CPR, and defibrillation—and were left without closure.

And still, hope finds its way in.

Through adaptive sports, brain injury clubhouse community, equine connection at Henry’s Home, and the slow, honest rebuilding of identity when “caregiver” becomes your whole world—until it can’t be the only thing anymore.

If you’re caring for someone you love—whether you’re just beginning, deep in it, or somewhere you can finally look back—this conversation offers language, validation, and options.

One clear truth remains:   You don’t have to do this alone. Ask for help. Let people show up.

Transcript

Tracy’s Military Life And Motherhood

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Welcome to Defines of Silence. I'm Valerie, your host, a veteran, nurse, and a survivor. This is a space for sacred witnessing. For stories often carried quietly and for the people who hold them. For survivors, healers, and witnesses. Here we stand against the silence that isolates and honor the silence that allows us to truly be heard. Some episodes in this season will focus on sexual trauma and forensic realities. Others will explore moral injury, grief, and the cost of caring deeply in a world that can wound. You're invited to listen at your own pace, pause when you need to, and take what serves you and leave the rest. A gentle note before we begin. This podcast includes conversations about trauma and abuse. Please listen with care and honor your well-being. Thank you for being here and witnessing today's conversation. Hi everybody. Welcome to Defiance of Silence. Our episode today is incredibly special to me. Um, and I can't wait for you to meet Tracy. But before we meet Tracy, let's just take a moment just to arrive where we are. Close your eyes, just take a real cleansing breath in. And breathe out. Just notice where you are. Notice if you hear any birds chirping or the rumble of a car engine or even just um the kids playing in the background. Wherever you're at, whatever you're doing, just arrive to this moment and know that you're here for a reason to hear this conversation. Thank you for being here. And let's get started. So today I have Tracy. Um Tracy is a Navy veteran. She's raised in a deeply rooted military family. Both her father and her stepfather are retired Marines, and service has definitely shaped the rhythm of her life from the beginning. She met her husband Raleigh while they were both on active duty and stationed in Bermuda, a military love story that became a lifetime of shared service. Together, they rose rose, they raised two sons. One followed in their footsteps into the Navy, and the other is now a radiology technician in West Texas. So, part of Tracy's story on September 15th, 2015, while her son, Trent, was at a nuclear power school for the Navy, he suffered a sudden cardiac arrest during a physical fitness assessment. In a single moment, everything changed for their family. Since that day, Tracy has walked the long road of caregiving, learning often through trial and error, how to care for her son, while also how to not disappear in the process. She now serves as a volunteer and a board member at Henry's Home, which is a sanctuary for retired horses who now serve veterans and first responders. Through horses, community, shared experience, she has come to understand how trauma doesn't just affect a person and who experienced it. It ripples through the family, through their peers, and through the entire community. She is not somebody who naturally seeks the spotlight, and she prefers crafting and traveling and cheering on her favorite teams and being present with her people. But she is stepping outside of her comfort zone today to speak to us about caregiver burnout, secondary trauma, and what it means to keep showing up when life changes in an instant. And I'm already crying. Hi, Tracy. Hi, you got me crying too, and it's my story. It's just so special and so beautiful. And I'm glad that you're here to share it with us. And um, you know, before we get into all of that, tell me a little bit about how you found yourself where you're at today. Like, what has it been like to be little Tracy and then Mom Tracy? And then, you know, just kind of in a nutshell, tell us how you got here.

SPEAKER_01 3:51

Wow. Um you know, little Tracy never had any dreams of joining the military. Um, my best friend did, and she came home from boot camp and said, I need to go visit my recruiter if you want to come with me, and then we'll go play racquetball. That was on a Tuesday, and on Wednesday I was taking the ASVAB, and on Friday I was signing paperwork, and on Sunday I went to MEPS, and Monday accepted a job and left four days later for boot camp in Orlando. So um that all just kind of happened crazily. Um and then, you know, you never anticipate you're gonna meet at your first duty station, the one. And um, as the military often does, they said, okay, you will go to Virginia and you will go to Hawaii. And we were like, well, wait a minute. Um, so we we kind of did the military, well, if we get married, they'll station us together. Yep. They did not. They left me in Virginia pregnant and him in Hawaii. Oh, yeah, good times. Um, so when it came time, we realized one of us needed to be at home and provide a constant for the kids, and his career was taking off more than mine was. And I joked that, you know, he could barely dress himself. I wasn't gonna leave him with two babies to dress. So um, you know, everything was dedicated to being the mom and the military wife and the ombudsman and all of the all of the things. Um, and we got the kids grown, and we thought, okay, great, now we're gonna have empty nests. We had our kids young so we could go enjoy things. And nine months after the youngest one flew out, um his wings were clipped, and um, and we had to reevaluate every plan that we had for our future, for his future, for our family's future. And yeah, that's that's kind of how we got here.

SPEAKER_00 5:49

Yeah, thank you for sharing that. We have a similar path as far as meeting at our first duty stations and then falling in love and getting married. And we did the same thing. One was going to Korea and the other, or Germany, I think he was supposed to go to Germany, and I was staying where we were at, and we're like, well, if we get married, we can go together. And then we ended up going to Korea instead of all the places. So, anyways, good times. Um, but thank you for sharing that with us. And I know that uh I just want to give a little, I don't want to say trigger warning, but just a little bit of caution um for those that might be listening that have maybe little ones around too, that your story is is really powerful and and there's a lot of um a lot of things in it that is gonna strike a chord in many people. So I just want to give a little warning in case there's some little ears around that it may not be the best topic, um, because it can be a little scary. But um so you mentioned that you know, Trent is your son that went to the Navy. Um tell us a little bit about Trent and what brought him into the Navy, and then when you feel ready, you know, tell us what happened to him.

SPEAKER_01 6:56

Okay. Trent knew from probably seventh grade he had no desire to go to college. He came home one day and said, Mom, riddle me this. Why is it that I have to learn seven subjects, but one teacher doesn't have to teach them all? I don't want to go do four years of college and do English and social sciences and foreign language. I just want to study math and science. And so we said, Okay, you're gonna go into the military. He's like, Yeah, I said, but if he's like, I want to be a nuke. Nobody wants to be a nuke, really. Um and he said, but and I said, you know, it's it's two years of school. You don't want to go to college, but you'll do two years of school. He said, but it's all math and science, it's all what I like. So he signed up his senior year of high school. Um, and he decided that he, well, back up to his junior year in high school, he broke his collarbone and had hardware put in, and you can't join the military with hardware in your shoulder. So his senior year he had surgery to have it taken out so that he could join. Um, and so he enlisted right at the end of his senior year, and um that's just all he ever wanted to do was join the military. So we I at the time was working in Navy recruiting. My husband had just done three years in Navy recruiting, so we were like, well, okay, we'll we'll get you in. What do you want to do? Nuke, nuke, nuke. So there we go.

SPEAKER_00 8:25

Wow. So he knew from a young age that's what he wanted to do. Yes. And that's fascinating to me that you were a recruiter.

SPEAKER_01 8:32

I think I worked up at MEPS and did all the yeah, okay, okay. Not me, no way.

unknown 8:39

Gotcha.

SPEAKER_00 8:40

Gotcha. I would not be a good recruiter. I would be like, oh, you don't want to? Okay, don't worry about it. Right, it's fine. Okay, so so now paint the picture for me. He's gone to basic training and he's in his tech school.

SPEAKER_01 8:57

And so in basic training, he was up in Chicago in the winter. Everybody gets sick up there in the winter. Um, he graduated at the end of January and headed down to Charleston. Um, and every time we would talk to him on the phone, he had the sniffles, the sneezes, the coughing. Trent, are you sick? No, mom, it's just allergies. It's just allergies, it's just allergies. So um he called most, probably three or four times a week from school as he was driving around or doing whatever. So he called and he said, you know, hey, I'm I'm doing this. What are you doing? Well, I'm cooking, I need to run, I'll talk to you later. But you sound horrible. You really need to go to medical. Oh, I can't miss class, mom. If I miss class, they'll roll me out of the program, you know, I'll be here longer, or they might even kick me out of being a nuke. I'll just keep taking my Dayquill and my NyQuil and my Robotussin and I'll be fine. And that was on Monday night. And on Tuesday morning at 627, my phone rang, and it was a number I didn't recognize. And my first thought was, How on earth is a telemarketer calling me at 6 30 in the morning? This is ridiculous. So I wasn't going to answer, and I did, and I was, you know, hello. And he says, Is this Mrs. Stahl? And I said, Yes. And my mind immediately went, is it my husband or my kid? Which one is it? Um, and he said, This is Master Chief, and I'll leave his name out, from Navy Nuclear Power School in Charleston. Um, and we had an issue today during physical readiness. And I said, Okay. Trent has always been very accident prone, so I was like, all right, what do you do now? And he said, Um he collapsed on the run. Um, and I'm currently following the ambulance to the hospital. So I'm thinking, okay, he rolled his ankle. Um he said, but CPR was done, but I think he's gonna be okay. And at that point I couldn't deal with anything. I'm just like, you I need to call my husband, he'll call you right back. So I called my husband and I said, You need to call this Master Chief. I don't know something about Trent and CPR. I I I froze. I can't hear. So he called me back about 30 minutes later and he said, You need to pack our shit stuff. That's okay and we have to leave. So we started looking for flights. We were stationed in Pensacola at the time, Trent's in Goose Creek, which is basically Charleston. By the time we could get a flight from Pensacola to wherever there was a layover into Goose Creek, it was gonna be nine or 10 o'clock at night. And he just said, I can't pace around an airport we're driving. So we got in the car and we took off. And we rolled in that evening, and the whole drive, I kept waiting for Trent to call me and say, Hey, sorry, everything's good, but that call never came. Um a nurse at the hospital called a lot. Um, we need permission to do this test. We need permission to do this test. We just wanted to keep you posted. He's he's hanging in there, but you really need to hurry. We're gonna try and keep him alive until you get here.

SPEAKER_02 12:23

Oh my god.

ICU Choices DNR Pressure And Faith

Rehab Transfers And Medication Overload

SPEAKER_01 12:24

So we got in that evening and we called the command representative who said, you know, I'll be here. Give me a call. And I was not prepared for the sea of khaki that walked out to meet us in the parking lot. And um so we walked into the ICU. You scrub in, and as we're scrubbing in, somebody came up and introduced themselves and said, you know, that they were from the organ transplant team. And did we know that it was his wish to be an organ donor? And I said, Well, actually I do, but can I see him before I talk to you? Um and we walked into the room, and you were never prepared to see the machines and the tubes and the swollen face that we had to deal with. And there was a little girl from his class sitting there, and she turned around and she said, I just didn't want you to think that he'd been by himself, so I stayed here until you got here. Um so we spent, they let us stay past visiting hours that night in the ICU. And then um the next morning we were back, and you know, they they bent the rules from us from from early on. You know, you can come in. Visiting hours are from eight to ten. And um, they'd let us in at seven, and they'd let us stay till 11:30. Um in the early days, the cardiologist was the big one pushing us to sign a DNR and let him go. We were told that um with a sudden cardiac death, which is what they insisted on calling it, even though he was alive, um, there were fewer than 10% odds that he would wake up, that he would survive. And if he did survive, he likely would never wake up, never walk, never talk. He'd have no quality of life, we'd have no quality of life as his parents, and we should just sign a DNR and let him go. And we had a lot of conversations about it, and I just said, I feel like it's too early. So I think it was the second or third day. Um, I walked down to the chapel in the hospital and did what every parent does. Please, God, take me instead. Whatever, you know, whatever it takes, just um I'll never do this again if you'll just do this for me. And it was, you know, I'm the only one in there, it's very quiet. And I heard something, felt something, say, open the Bible. Okay. And I'm not an overly religious person. So I, you know, sitting right next to you, and I open it up, and just wherever it opens is where I stopped. And it was Jeremiah 29, 11, which um basically says, I have plans for you, not plans to hurt you, but for a future. And I walked back in and they came again and said, We really think that you should sign a DNR. And I said, I'm not doing it. I'm not. I'm just not. You know, I'm a doctor and I have experience in this. And I said, Yes, but you're not God. And it's too early. We're on day three. I'm not doing it. So he, that cardiologist got mad and basically wouldn't come back to see us anymore. Sent his physician assistant. Um, but we had an amazing nurse who just kept saying, He's in there. I can tell he's in there. So we would say, you know, he squeezed my hand, he blinked when I told him to blink, and they said, That's that's reaction, it's not, you know, it's reflex, it's not what's happening. So she worked with him to, you know, he's still not opening his eyes, but she worked with him as she sat there for 12 hours at his bedside saying, if you can hear me, give me a thumbs up, give me a thumbs up, give me a thumbs up. And he did. And so she's like, Tracy, he's I swear to God, he's in there. Just give it time. The neurologist said, you know, he's we have neurosturming, and that's terrifying to watch. Um we don't know um what the outcome is going to be. I had never heard the term anoxic brain injury before. You know, this this is something that happens to strangers on TV. It's not something that happens in your life. Um and so these terms that are that are being thrown at you, and and I, you know, we'd stupidly thought in the beginning that the only thing we had to worry about was the brain was the heart. And once the heart was stable, we dodged a bullet. He's gonna wake up just like they do in the movies, and he's gonna go back to nuke school, and everything's gonna be the way it's supposed to be. Trent made another miraculous recovery like he did from every other injury in his life, and things are great. And that just didn't happen. Um they um and we were at a civilian hospital, so they were trying to figure out what to do, what the protocol was with the military. The folks in the military there had never dealt with this before, they didn't know what to do with us. Um, so they worked out for us to go to um the VA's polytrauma rehab center, and there are five of those in the country. Um, and we went, you know, the kids had grown up in Texas, graduated high school in Texas, all their friends were up in the DFW area, and there was a PRC in San Antonio. So we thought, let's let's go back to San Antonio. Um, you know, I knew I was gonna be with them. My husband's active duty back in Pensacola. So um we you know spent 31 days there in Charleston. They did a tracheostomy, um, they did a defibrillator implant because it was an unexplained cardiac arrest at that point. Um, they um went to do, they decannulated or they they took him off the vent, I think it was the third or fourth time, and realized he had strider and they couldn't put it back in, so they did the trach. And when they did that, they collapsed a lung. So they wanted to put in a breathing tube or a chest tube to, and I was like, no, let's let's wait. That's one more spot to introduce infection. If it's not necessary, let's give it some time. Um, and it did heal before we had to do our Medevac flight to San Antonio. And then we went from San Antonio to Walter Reed and Walter Reed to Richmond to another poly rehab center, because in San Antonio they primarily saw traumatic brain injuries. It's where our soldiers from Iraq and Afghanistan were coming back and being treated. He didn't have one like that.

SPEAKER_00 19:34

So they weren't treating the anoxic brain injury the same as a traumatic brain injury. No. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 19:39

And they really can't. Well, I should say they were treating it the same, and they really can't. Gotcha. Because with the traumatic brain injury, it's typically one or two areas of the brain that's injured. Um, you know, you you take a knock, you or a blast, and you've got left frontal lobe and temporal lobe, but with the anoxic brain injury, your whole brain goes without oxygen. So when you look at the charts that they have of, you know, an injury to this area of the brain could bring these behaviors, and this area of the brain could bring these behaviors. We have it, it's like going through a cafeteria. Well, we'll take two from this one and one from this one and one from this one. And they kept saying, Well, there's no visible brain damage, there's no white spots, there's none of the things that we we see with those. So he should have a full recovery, and he's not. He there must be something wrong. He had what they tried to push was that he had a psychotic break as a result of the brain injury. Huh. And they had him at one point on 17 different medications.

SPEAKER_00 20:40

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_01 20:41

Um, and nothing was going well. And um I raised a big enough stink about things that they just wanted to get rid of us. So they said, you know, there's an expert up at Walter Reed. We think we should send you there. And he's agreed to take you. And at that point, I just wanted us out of San Antonio. Yeah. So they sent us up to Walter Reed. Um, and the doctor there looked at his medication list and was like, Why is he on this medicine? I don't know. Well, why is he on this medicine? I don't know. So as he went down the list, he finally just said, Okay, we we are gonna do a med wash and it is not gonna be pretty. Um, I don't want you to come to the hospital for the next three days so that you don't see what's gonna happen. Thankfully, there was a blizzard, so I couldn't get to the hospital anyway. I was living in the Fisher house.

Caregiver Survival Mode And Marriage Strain

SPEAKER_00 21:31

Oh my goodness. So can I let me just, if I may, pause you there for a second. At this point, what is this like for you? Like where were you at mentally and emotionally? Were you kind of just trudging along, or were you No, I was a hot mess.

SPEAKER_01 21:49

I, if you so much as said good morning, I cried. Um I didn't sleep. Um, maybe 15 or 20 minutes at a time, two or three times a night. Oh, Tracy. Yeah. I didn't eat. Even when he was in the ICU, the nurses used to bring food in and say, has she eaten today? No. Well, she's going to eat this if I have to hold her down. It just you are in fight or flight. You are in your focus is all on your child, or I would assume it's the same way if it's your spouse. And nothing about yourself matters. There were days I was like, I don't remember the last time I showered. Um I carried a toothbrush with me because I was never sure did I brush my teeth this morning? I can't, I I don't know. Um it I ended up in the emergency room three times over the course of the first six months thinking I was having a heart attack because of the anxiety.

SPEAKER_00 22:50

I can imagine, yeah. And so what was this like for your husband and the two of you together, your relationship? Was that what did this bring you closer together or was it more like a distancing?

SPEAKER_01 23:03

We made the decision early on and we had the conversation because so many of the families that we saw were splintered because of what happened. And we said, We this is not going to break us. We have gone through so many other things. This is not gonna be the thing. So um it was hard for him because he had to be in Pensacola. His command was fantastic. They um they gave him the 31 days that we were in the ICU and said, just be there, call and muster every day. Um when we were sent to San Antonio, he went back to Pensacola. They had him there for two weeks, and they said, Now you need to go to San Antonio and be with your wife and family. So we he was coming out and he would stay for two or three weeks, and then he would go back to Pensacola for two or three weeks, and then he would come back. Um that sounds like a lot.

SPEAKER_00 24:00

It was a lot, sounds like a lot.

SPEAKER_01 24:02

And you know, I could not have made it without the evening phone calls and and the text messages from him. Um, I know people who have had this injury be their spouse, and I don't know how they do that because that's always been who I turn to when things are wrong. And now they have someone who either doesn't know who they are or doesn't wake up or can't speak. So um even when he wasn't there, he was still carrying me through it.

Coming Home Safety Fears And New Routines

SPEAKER_00 24:37

Yeah, that's beautiful. That is beautiful. So when Trent reached the end of his hospitalization, I don't want to skip, I'm I hope I'm not skipping over anything. I just I'm just fascinated by this whole thing because I have had the pleasure of getting to meet Trent. So I know that this is not who he is. So this is exciting. And so, spoiler alert to listeners, Trent is awesome. But I I know that that road getting to where he is today was really hard for you. And we've had a lot of deep conversations um at the ranch about that, and I know I've seen you share openly about that journey. But um, so did they I have a question? Did they figure out what actually caused this cardiac arrest?

SPEAKER_01 25:20

They did not. So for all of this time that they are bouncing us from facility to facility, he's still on active duty. Um and they said, you know, we really can't medically retire him until we get him to uh his best possible recovery. Um so when we got up to Walter Reed the second time, they started telling us, okay, well, we're gonna do the med board and look to get things going. And I thought, fantastic, it means we can get out of here and start our next chapter, whatever it may look like. Um so they start the med board and we're moving through the process, and then we get the phone call from the Peblo, Peblo, however you want to pronounce it, who says, Well, um, we have to pause this because they want genetic testing to be done. What? Because if they can prove it's a pre-existing medical condition, then they're not responsible for this. Yeah, golly. So um, you know, we we talked to the doctor on the unit and he was like, that's baloney. And so they're going back and forth, and I talk to the folks at the genetics lab, and they're like, Well, do you have guardianship? And I said, No. And they said, then he can't have genetic testing. They've found that he is not capable of making his own medical and legal decisions, yet you don't have guardianship. So nobody can say he can have the genetic testing. Wow. So we went back to them and said, Okay, checkmate, I guess we'll just keep him on active duty forever because you can't release them.

SPEAKER_00 27:17

And the little thumb nose there. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:20

So they said, Oh, okay, well, um, so he was, they just said, we don't know what it was. We from the beginning felt that it was when he went to the ICU that day, they realized that he had double pneumonia and a severe sinus infection.

SPEAKER_00 27:36

Yeah, you said he was sick and he'd been on these medications.

SPEAKER_01 27:40

So had he gone to medical, he likely would have been SIQ and not running the PRT. And he is very competitive. He was not not gonna be the fastest one running because he was always the fastest one running. Um, and he collapsed.

SPEAKER_00 27:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:57

So we figured it was respiratory distress that sent him into the cardiac rest.

SPEAKER_00 28:01

Yeah, he was so young. I mean, that's that's sounds logical to my nurse brain.

SPEAKER_01 28:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:05

So they were just like, you know, well, it's unexplained. So they were just going with it's unexplained. So once he was medically retired and we got here to Houston, um, they did do the genetic testing. Um, and there is no underlying medical condition that would have caused the cardiac.

SPEAKER_00 28:21

Yes. Okay, so I have a question then. If so, when you got back to Houston, um, or you know, brought him home, was he awake at this point? Like he was. Did we miss that part? So tell me about what it was like when he woke up. What happened? I gotta know this.

SPEAKER_01 28:38

So at week three in the ICU, he had kind of woken up before that. Um, and but still they were not allowing him out of bed. Um, he was obviously hooked up to the heart monitor and and all the things. And so we would notice that he'd start kicking his legs when he was unconscious and and and yelling, and and everybody's like, oh, that's that's some more of the parasympathetic storms. And I'm like, no, this is different. And then we realized that he would use the bathroom. And I'm like, he is realizing that he has to go to the bathroom and he doesn't want to. So they started kind of watching a little more closely and not just thinking it was the parasympathetic storms. And at week three, he was awake and they let him stand up. And he took off walking like nobody's business.

SPEAKER_00 29:28

I mean, I have a surprise face right now, but I shouldn't because I've met Trent. But wow.

SPEAKER_01 29:33

Yeah, three weeks archaeologist that had told us to sign in the room and let him go. Yeah, was until I see you visiting another patient and saw him walking laps and was like, wait a minute, we have to put in a defibrillator. I'm like, no, we don't. He's like, yes, we do. Wow. So um, so yeah, when when he left Charleston, he was awake, he was mobile. Um alert is maybe.

SPEAKER_00 30:04

Yeah, yeah. So it was he didn't wake up and have conversations with you necessarily. Not not at the beginning. Okay. So when he got home and you guys are back, you know, you've got now you've got him medically retired, you're home, and you're having to care give. What what does your life look like at this point? How do you figure this out?

SPEAKER_01 30:25

Yeah, so in the beginning, he was a wanderisk. Um, we had to have alarms on every door in the house because he would just take off. Um, he had no awareness of what was going on around him. He would just walk out in traffic, he um just just nothing. He was not um I'm trying to think of the best ways to even describe it. Um he could he understood what you were saying, he could talk back, but but like now he often chose not to. He has kind of selective mutism, which they feel is anxiety and um the awareness that things are different, because he has said, I don't want people to think I'm stupid, so I don't talk. Yeah. Um but at that point he just you couldn't take your eyes off of him because if you did, he escaped from a locked unit at Walter Reen um and on the seventh floor and was walking out the front doors of the hospital because he was hungry, and from his room he could see the Panda Express and the Navy Exchange.

SPEAKER_00 31:40

My goodness.

SPEAKER_01 31:41

No wallet, yeah. Yeah, but he was headed to Panda Express. Yeah, um, in Richmond, he did the same thing. He learned what the code was and escaped their little locked unit. Um, it was 10:30 at night, and they found him in the parking lot. Um, the Richmond VA is not in the best of neighborhoods.

SPEAKER_00 32:03

Oh goodness.

SPEAKER_01 32:04

Yeah, yeah. Um, so when we got him home, it was it was terrifying of oh my god, do I sleep and have him walk out of the house?

SPEAKER_00 32:14

Right. So was your husband early? Yeah, some shift work there. So so essentially you came home and just became nurse, mom, all the things, trying to fit in wifing and living and having a normal life, which is not normal anymore. No, not at all. So what did you do?

SPEAKER_01 32:35

Um, well, there's medication for that, as I came. Um, and we started so at the end of the journey before he was medically retired, they sent him to a transitional living facility in Western Virginia, so about six hours from us. By that time, my husband had been transferred up to Newport News. Um, so every other weekend we would drive out to see him, see how he was doing, see what the staff had to say about him. And then in the two weeks in between, I was scouring the Hampton Roads area for what am I going to do with this kid when I bring him home. So we got him enrolled in Wounded Warrior Project's Independence Program and had them on standby for when he was coming home. And we had the there's a brain injury clubhouse program that in Virginia is a very big thing. Um and we had gone and met with them and talked to them to see if that was going to be a good fit for him, and it turned out that it was, so we got him enrolled in that as soon as he came home as well. Um, we, you know, just tried to think of anything we could to get him back to normal or our new normal.

SPEAKER_00 33:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:57

Um, and we had a fantastic community support specialist with him. She she'd say, okay, well, does he like sports? Well, he did before the injury. Then I found a place where we can go to adaptive sports and he can play wheelchair basketball and he can be the standing person in pickleball, and he'll play with someone in a wheelchair, and um, they took him to volunteer at the SPCA in Newport News, which was great because he's always loved animals, but they also have a petting zoo. So he, you know, could socialize kittens one day, and the next time they went, he is preparing the or packaging up the food for the petting zoo. And um, and then the brain injury clubhouse program was great. It's the social aspect that was missing because that's the biggest thing, you know. He at the time of his injury had a girlfriend who was a fantastic girl. We we love her dearly, we still, um, but you know, they were 19. Yeah, and she hung around for a long time afterwards with us hoping that things were going to improve. But at the end of the day, at 19, you can't, you can't, yeah, yeah. Um, so um we lived in an area where none of his friends from before were, so there was no opportunity for him to do anything but hang up with mom and dad. And you know, we think we're pretty cool.

SPEAKER_00 35:21

You are, yes. But I could see how he would say this is what I want to do.

SPEAKER_01 35:27

That gave him the social interaction with others who he could look and see with enough hard work I may progress to where they are, but he was also at a point where folks that were just coming out of the hospital could look and say, Hey, if with enough hard work, I may end up where Trent is.

SPEAKER_00 35:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 35:49

So yeah, it was it was great. It was hard to leave that program behind.

Ripple Effects On Peers And Family

SPEAKER_00 35:54

Sure, sure. And if we can shift gears just a little bit. Um I I wanted to touch on something that you and I have talked about before. And you know, we I said when I introduced you that, you know, these kinds of things and trauma doesn't just affect the person immediately involved, but it has a ripple effect in the community. And you shared something with me about the kids that he was in the program with and the responses that they had to Trent's accident injury. Um, would you share a little bit about that? Sure.

SPEAKER_01 36:28

So they were doing um what they lovingly refer to as the dash for cash at the beginning of the nuclear power school. Um when you enlist in the well, when he enlisted in the nuclear power program, there was an enlistment bonus. Um, and they got it part of it at the end of power school, but you had to pass the physical readiness test. So um there were 150 kids taking this test together. They all come from the barracks, and and um so he was leading the pack in the run, and a young man behind him saw him kind of run off to the side and stop and throw himself to the ground, and he said it looked like he had a seizure. Um and as other kids were coming to catch up, um the instructors drove out on the golf cart and just kind of well, fire department's on his way for somebody else. Well, you know, and a Navy doctor was training for a triathlon nearby, and she stopped and said, Is everything okay? And he said, Well, you know, they they fell out on the he fell out on the run, he'll be fine. And she said, Well, does he have a pulse? And they were like, No, well, we can't find one. So she started CPR. Um, and one of the instructors that came up at the end had was a volunteer firefighter. So he took over chest compressions, and um, but you've got 150 18 and 19-year-old sailors watching this happen, watch them shock him twice to bring him back and load him into an ambulance and drive him off. And then they shared no information with them because, well, it's hit, but we can't tell them. So I'm on a parent board, and all these people are like, you know, there was a kid that died at school. Like, wait, I'm the kid's mom. He did not die. Um, but there were no updates given at all to these kids, and so they, you know, they saw us cleaning out his barracks room and literally thought he had died.

SPEAKER_02 38:31

Oh.

SPEAKER_01 38:33

Um, they a couple of them came to visit at the hospital, and we told them, you know, if you guys want to know what's going on or want any updates, give us, you know, this is my phone number. We will tell you what's going on. If people want to come by and visit, they should text us and make sure it's it's okay that he's not got something major going on. Um, but yeah, they they shared nothing with them. Um I can't imagine being one of those moms who got the phone call from their kid. So when I got on that parent board and I said, you know, if your kids are going through the same thing, if they're sick and saying, I can't go to medical because they won't let me miss class, send them anyway. He had double pneumonia and a sinus infection. This could have been prevented. Within two or three weeks, there were double-digit numbers. I can't remember if it was 13. The number 13 is sticking to me, but there were like 13 other kids diagnosed with pneumonia during the next two weeks after their mother said go to medical. So um, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 39:43

Yeah. So those kids didn't really have a chance to close the loop on this traumatic event either. So you have all these ripple effects of the what-ifs and the fear of this, and I'm sure everybody was pulling for him too.

SPEAKER_01 39:56

And we were so far from our families, you know, obviously my parents retired from the military to St. Louis, my husband's parents were in Alabama. Um, our older son was in Wichita Falls, Texas in college. Trent's girlfriend was in Fort Worth, Texas in college. And we at the time weren't sure if he was gonna make it. And everybody's like, we'll come. But we didn't want them to come down and have them not make it in time and then have to turn around and go to wherever it was that we decided to have him buried. So we did not tell everybody exactly what was going on, and I realized looking back how unfair that was. Um, you know, our older son went from having a helicopter mom who literally registered him for his college classes and he wouldn't take the time to do it, to being told, hey kid, you're on your own, you're gonna have to figure it out because I'm tapped out. I can't. Yeah. Um, you know, my sister in California just everybody, how can we help? Pray.

Finding Relief Through Horses And Community

SPEAKER_00 41:21

I don't know how else you're yeah. And when you're facing something like this, I mean your nervous system is an overload, obviously. And it's not so obvious to us because we're just right up against it whenever you're going through something like that. So, so to say, in hindsight, you know, I wished I would have reached out, or I I realized that was selfish, like we just do the best we can with the information we have. And it it is amazing to me how honoring it is to be able to hold space with somebody and and help them through a time like that. And so now I draw from that when something is going on that's really hard. I'm like, you know what? There's been times that I haven't asked for help and now I'm going to. And I feel like that kind of pays like a little nod to my previous versions of myself that just didn't know any better. And I I know that you know that too, because you've done a lot of work on yourself in this self-care area. So talking about that, and thank you for such a beautiful, um, just vulnerable opening of what that was like for you. And I, Tracy, I cannot even imagine. I I cannot even imagine what that must have been like. Um, so now you're home, you're going through all these things with him. Your mom, you're tapped out, your wife, you're tapped out, you're doing all of the things just a survival mode, I would say, if if that's fair. Um, when did you kind of realize that you needed to take care of yourself a little bit differently? And what did that look like when you had that realization? Number one and number two, how did you make that transition? Because I think it's very relatable for people to hear this and go, yeah, I'm in that right now. How do I stop? What do I do?

SPEAKER_01 43:05

Well, and you hear from the very beginning, make sure you take time for yourself, make sure you take care of yourself, make sure you do something for yourself in what spare time. Because you're, you know, you're fighting the military, you're fighting the VA, you're fighting this, you're you're playing nurse, you're doing wife things, you're doing all the things. And once we got to Texas is when it really hit me that I had to do something for me. And it happened through something for him. Um, Wounded Warrior Project had an outing to the sanctuary. Um, so we said, you know, let's go. We I grew up around horses. I didn't have them because hello, military. Um, but back then all of the bases had stables, so I took all the horseback riding lessons and did all the horse camps and all the things, and then Life happened and I wasn't around them anymore. Um but he did some therapeutic writing, and in those programs, you know, just standing there watching him, you realize, okay, this is so good for him, but it's why do I feel so good? It must just be because he's doing something good. And when we came out to the sanctuary, I realized it's not because he's doing something good. This is something I need for me. And and back then I really didn't engage with the horses at all. I would come out and do hay and um pick poop and scrub troughs because when I went home, I was physically exhausted and could sleep.

SPEAKER_00 44:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 44:45

That's why I did it. I was physically exhausted and could sleep. And then um after COVID was when I got to start working with the horses. And that is when, you know, the anxiety that you're always ratcheted up to here and waiting for the other shoe to drop if something's going good and something, something's gonna happen because things seem to be going well. Um when you're sitting next to something that's that big and feeds off of your emotions, you kind of learn, I can't I can't be on the edge of my seat. And I realized you could take that out of the arena and out of the gates of the farm. And every time I would go, I would come back and feel better. And so I'd want to go again. And so it got to the point where my husband's like, um, you haven't been to the farm recently, have you? You you should probably go.

SPEAKER_00 45:45

You need some horse time.

SPEAKER_01 45:48

Just just go. Um, and I started to realize that you know, when your weight goes up and your blood pressure goes up, and you're placed on anxiety medication because you cry when someone says good morning and you are not sleeping, and all of the things that your doctor is looking at you and saying, you are going to die, and then who's going to take care of your son? Um, and I think that was the first time I heard the you have to make time to be well, or take the time to be well, or you have to make the time to be sick.

SPEAKER_02 46:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 46:28

And that really hit home when she started telling me, Your blood pressure is at stroke level, you are pre-diabetic, you are fat, in case you didn't realize that.

SPEAKER_00 46:39

Yeah. Hard things to hear, but you needed to hear them.

SPEAKER_01 46:44

Yeah, because I just kept, you know, I'll keep going until I drop. Well, that's coming a lot quicker than you think if you don't make some changes.

SPEAKER_02 46:52

Yeah.

Rebuilding Identity Beyond Caregiving

SPEAKER_01 46:53

Um, and so as I made the changes there, um, and it's kind of like with anything, you're making those, you start feeling better, you're sleeping better, you're seeing the other things that she's talking about improve, you want to do it more. And that's when I just realized I didn't know who Tracy was anymore. I just didn't. Who's Tracy? So I'm caregiver.

SPEAKER_00 47:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 47:20

That's what I do.

SPEAKER_00 47:21

That's a powerful statement. And that I've heard it more times than I can even count, especially being a nurse and spending time in hospitals and and working in other programs and things where you're a caregiver and that's who you are because that's all you're doing right now, but it's really not who you are. You are more than that, and it takes time to recognize that. So, whenever you decided, like, who is Tracy? I don't know who she is. What has that path of discovery been like for you?

SPEAKER_01 47:52

It has taken me back to places that I had forgotten about. Um, you know, as a little girl, and I'm in my mid-50s, so you know, mid-70s, you're in school, and what do you want to be when you grow up? I want to be a veterinarian. Well, girls don't do that. You're you're probably not smart enough, and that's really not a job for girls. You should pick something else. Wow, that sticks with you. Yeah, and now I just, you know, as I've gone through this, I've thought, you know, if things had changed, if things had been different, if Mr. Jones in fourth grade hadn't told me, who knows where I would. But then you have to be thankful for what you have because if if I'd followed that path, I wouldn't be where I am. And who knows what would have happened anyway. So um, you know, it it brought back the fact that I love to learn, I love to try new things, I loved, you know, Krista would one of the equine directors would say, Oh, well, you know, they've got a problem with their their poll. And I'm like, a poll? Where's a poll? So I order a horse anatomy book so I can start studying and seeing what it is she's talking about. Um but the more I learned and the more I was able to do things, the the more excited I got to be there, and the more I started to realize this, this is I'm not just about running to appointments and monitoring vitals and cleaning up after Trent and doing laundry and and caregiver things. I'm actually a person with interests and things, and I mean you can't, I guess what I've learned is that you can't be on all the time. You have to mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually take that break, whether it is, and I know we're fortunate. I know that his recovery is not typical for anoxic patients. Um, and I'm I moderate an anoxic caregiver group online, and and I know how fortunate we are that he is able to walk and talk, and even if he doesn't make sense all the time, he's able to do it. Um but even if it's 10 minutes, they have to take something. Even if it's 10 minutes in the bathroom by yourself, you have to take that time. You cannot, that whole you can't pour from an empty cup, you really can't.

SPEAKER_00 50:25

You can't.

SPEAKER_01 50:26

And if you are incapacitated because you've ridden yourself into the ground, who else is is gonna help? Yeah, who's gonna step in? You have to let people in, you have to accept help, which is hard. Oh my gosh.

Advocacy Gaps In Brain Injury Support

SPEAKER_00 50:42

Well, yeah, and especially as a military, I mean, first of all, you're a veteran and you're you know you're a powerful woman already because you I mean that this is like this goes without saying. So you add all of that on top of now you're caregiver, mom, extraordinaire, and you're superwoman, but it only lasts for so long before the collapse happens. Because I say this all the time: your body keeps the score, and there's only so much you can hold before the jig is up, and like your body's going, excuse you, you're done, and you're done, and your blood pressure goes up and your weight goes up and your mental health deteriorates. And so I'm really proud of you for finding a way to express yourself and start to figure out who Tracy is. And you can weave those things into your caregiving, but it is a separate thing from you too, like taking time for yourself. And I know recently you've started um doing a little more on the advocacy level, so this is huge for you. So you found your voice, you found who you are, and you know, I I've never been to the ranch where I haven't seen you out there. I mean, it's such a and and when I watch you, you just see the dedication and the heart that you put into everything that goes on at at the ranch. And um, it's just really something to be admired, and that's that's one of the things that I love about being around you is it's so contagious. Like your love for people and your love for the animals and your love for your son, like it's beautiful. And recently we had an event out at the ranch, and I got to sit at the table with Trent, and his sense of humor cracks me up. Like he is just so funny, and we just have the best conversation. But something that stuck with me that day was that you know, I was saying how as a nurse we were talking about something, and I just said, Well, I didn't do anything special, I just did my job. I was just doing my job. And it struck me that you just said no to that mom or to that family member, that was more than you just doing your job. And that really stuck with me that you that you said that, and it got me thinking about um, there is just so much more on the other side of everything that we do, whether it's mundane, like for me, it may be clocking in and doing this job that okay, we save someone's life. That is not a normal occurrence every day for people, but when you're in healthcare, that is something that's common. So you just giving me that insight with you didn't even know that you did it. Like it just gave me something to think about for the past couple of months. And I really have been thinking on those things. And um, I just wanted people to hear your story and hear how powerful it is to be vulnerable and ask for help and know what you need. And if you're not getting what you need to be able to express that, and it's baby steps, like you said, even if it's just 10 minutes. But tell me a little bit about how you found your way doing this advocacy work because you've recently recently spoke at some things, and now you're you're talking to me on this podcast, which I like I said, this is not your wheelhouse, and you're really good at it. So tell me yeah, 2026 is the year of stepping out of the comfort zone, I guess. The fire horse. It's the year of the fire horse.

A Sleep Device That Changes Everything

SPEAKER_01 53:58

I may not recover from 2026. I don't know. Um you just you see what he needs, and it's not there. Um, you know, we left the brain injury program, clubhouse program in Virginia, and it was devastating to watch the regression that we saw with Trent. Um, he was talking a lot more then, and um and now he whispers and doesn't talk a whole lot. And I just thought we've got to get something like this here. The state of Virginia has six brain injury clubhouse programs. The state of Texas has two. Wow. And they're in Plano and Fort Worth. That's it. So I reached out and I said, How do we get something like this here? And at the time, the hope was that we could piggyb off of what they had because they were talking about expanding. Um, but you know, we did some meetings down here and we got interest from the medical community, from the rehab community, from the caregiver community, from the brain injury community. But ultimately, what everything boils down to is money. And um, you know, it we were coming out of COVID and finances and legislative changes and everything else. So they elected um for the moment not to expand, which was heartbreaking um for me, but um understandable at the same time. So I thought, can I make a difference? Can I I do not have the time, energy, or or talent to start from ground zero and make this program happen? I I just can't do it. Um the lady who originally started the brain injury program in DFW, I think it was three, three to five years of beating her head against a wall and fundraising and all of the things. And I who has time to do that when you're a full-time caregiver? Not me. Um so when we started out um at the ranch, um, and we started instituting new programs, and they came up with the Gallant Strides program, which is just incredible, super, super proud of that program, which is for um veterans and retired first responders with brain injuries or physical limitations like amputations and and those kinds of things. Um but you start seeing those, um, and we we are one of those stories at the VA that is like a unicorn. We have the most incredible care team at the Houston VA Medical Center that is out there. Um his physiatrist, um Dr. McCulski, is amazing. And when you have a doctor who spends her time researching what can help her patients and what can help her patients' caregivers, yeah, that's huge. That's huge. Um so she has found a device that is helpful with insomnia, which is one of our big challenges with Trent. Um and it was developed by a neurologist uh from Ireland who was um working at UCSD. And um he has developed a device called um the Neurovalens Modius. And so she reached out and started asking questions, and then she called me. She's like, Hey, I've got this device. Do you think? And she went through everything with it, and I said, Let's give it a shot. And you know, you're told when a brain injury happens, when wherever they are at six months, that's all you're gonna see. That's the best they're ever gonna get. And then you hear, no, no, no, it's not six months, it's a year. Wherever they are at a year, that's the best you're gonna get. Well, we're at 10 and a half years now. Um, and we started this device, and the sleep was incredible. It changed things for him, changed things for me.

SPEAKER_00 58:19

Right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 58:20

Um, but the little things that we see that weren't happening before, the only thing that changed was the introduction to this device. So when she saw that Trent was doing well, she reached out to some other patients who have nonverbal, bedridden, 24-7 care, and the caregivers were not able to sleep because the brain injury survivor was not able to sleep. They would just scream for three days. Can you imagine?

SPEAKER_00 58:48

No, I can't.

SPEAKER_01 58:49

I couldn't imagine. So um she passed along to the founders of the device. Hey, I'm having some success with them, and um got a phone call from them and said, Hey, would you like to come and share your story? And I said, sure. Right about the time you said, hey, would you like to come and share your story? And I'm like, sure. Um, so we are gonna do some testimonials for them as they market this device more widely for um not just brain injury but insomnia in general. Um it is available to veterans through the VA. So um what is it called again? It is the company is NeuroBalance, and it's called the Modius Sleep. Um so that is has been a game changer for us. Um and so yeah, we we go in and do taping for that in the next week or two, and and we'll help them try and get the word out on that. And it's funny because Trent's cardiologist at the VA was not aware of the device until he went in to have his defibrillator replaced, and he said, Any new medications? And I said, Well, he's actually off those medications because of the sleep device. And he goes, What sleep device? So I told him, he's like, Wait, what's the call? Then he's pulling his phone up and pulling other doctors. Like, did you hear this? We have patients who need this. Yeah. So um, and I guess that's that's one of the biggest things I've learned too as a caregiver, is you don't know what you don't know. You can't ask questions if you don't know right the things. And so part of the reason that we're so open about everything is because the first five months of Trent's injury, we knew nobody else with an anoxic brain injury that had survived. Nobody. Um, and so when you find somebody, you're like, oh hey, did you know about this? Did you know about this?

Heart Horse Healing And Final Takeaways

SPEAKER_00 1:00:48

Yeah, I can imagine that that conversation can be really healing for somebody who's behind you on that journey. And yes, you know, I thank you and honor you for doing what you're doing and speaking out about these things because you're giving others like shoulders to stand on that this is like they have a solid foundation of somewhere that they know that there's hope. And even if the story doesn't go the same as yours or yours didn't go how someone else's did, there's at least a knowing and a and a connection that we have with each other, and that's all about witnessing each other. And that's what this whole podcast is about, is just breaking silence on these issues that really keep us in the dark if we don't share them. Because you could easily collapse under the weight of all of this, but you choose to reach out and you choose to get help for yourself. And now you're leading others, you're facilitating uh support groups and things that are it's incredible to see that and it it's not lost on me that this is a 10-year journey already. You didn't come out the gate being able to do this, and I think that's something I have to say, I've heard this a lot, and I've myself has have experienced this, and I don't know if any of our listeners would uh resonate with this or not, but I I sometimes would put the cart way before the horse when I'm going through something tough and be like, well, this is gonna help other people. Well, how about I just get through it first before I try to, you know, but but because our nervous system is trying to avoid the pain of it, I'm thinking this can be used for somebody else. So I have so many times bypassed my own suffering and my own things that I needed to feel and work through before I can help anybody else, you know. So there's something to be said for sitting in your story and giving it some time to really resonate and and find out for yourself what you need before you can pour into another cup from an empty cup because it doesn't really work. Um, so I'm really excited to hear that there are new things out there, and we're learning so much about brains and neuroplasticity and all these big fancy words that just say like your brain can regenerate some things, not not ever not everything is known to us yet. So it's pretty cool in research and development of these things and non-drug ways that we can assist people without getting on medications, and that's a whole nother topic for a whole nother day. A whole other day. But that's but that's really impressive. Um, and just to circle back before we finish up, I do want to give you an opportunity just to share a little bit about what it has been like building a relationship with Faye. That's that's your heart horse over there at Henry's. And and also just want to mention, too, that you are you've gone from you know water troughs and scoop and poop to being a board member and speaking on behalf of Henry's Home. And um, hopefully we can get some more people from Henry's Home to come and share their story too. I think that would be amazing. But tell me a little bit about that heart connection and what Faye does for you.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:36

Faye is it's funny. I look at her now and I think Faye is a lot like me. Faye is she's bonded to your heart horse, Admiral, and Sophie. Um, but she is she's a big huge teddy bear and she's very soothing to me, but she's also always on alert, wanting to know what is, what was that, what was that, what was that? Am I okay? And so having to constantly reassure and make sure that my energy is low because she's gonna mirror what I do has been. I don't know if she needed me more or I needed her more. I think that's that's the best thing because she is she's just the best.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:26

I don't even know, I don't even know how to say how it's been. Um that's how you know you're in love because you can't even describe it. She is a beautiful, beautiful species.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:38

She's just there. She's you talk about somebody holding space and they do that perfectly. Yeah, they she doesn't ask for anything in return except maybe a treat or five.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:53

Yeah, it's true. It's true, it's true. And you know, you just glow when you're done with them over there, and I I love it. And I think we all glow a little bit when we get done. And um I just think it's beautiful. So between um spending horse time and crafting and and spending time with your family, um, it sounds like you've achieved some sense of balance finally through all of this. And there will be more things that come up, but now that you're expanding your territory a little bit um with board member stuff and putting yourself out there, I know that's um not super easy for you, but I just thank you and honor you for coming on and sharing your truth with us and and just the realities of what it's been like. Um, and that let people know that they're not alone. So if somebody um is a caregiver right now that needs some support, where would you point them, first of all?

SPEAKER_01 1:05:48

Oh, that's a good question. Um, I mean, so much of it is for us, I always turn to brain injury groups because that's what we are. You know, that's that's What we're dealing with, but it doesn't have to be injury specific. There are there are a lot of great for a lot of us, we can't take the time to go in person, you know, especially if you've got somebody who's 24-7 care and not able to go. So the first thing I did was look online. I was living in the Fisher house and felt completely by myself because nobody knew what I was going through. So for us, we found um parent braininger groups, we found Onoxic Caregiver Groups, we found Yellow Ribbon Fund, we found Semper Fi Fund. Um they are phenomenal for us. Um we found Henry's Home, we found um Wood Warrior Project's Independence Program has been great. Um I know that our Trent's doctor just says she'll call and say, I have a mom who needs you. Can you is it okay if I give them so you know, if you're struggling and you there are people out there. We want to help, we want to be there. Um, you know, heck, put my email out.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:16

If you're comfortable with that, we can do that. We can put your email in the in the show notes if anybody wants to reach out.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:22

I mean, if the biggest thing is my sister and I have talked a lot since Trent's injury, and we've always said there has to be a reason. We don't know what the reason is. Um I've got a lot of questions if I get up there. Um, but the only thing we can think of is maybe it's so that somebody else is journey is a little bit easier than ours was. So we try and, you know, there's there's not a whole lot somebody can ask that we're not willing to answer. I can't think of anything actually that we're not willing to answer. So um yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:58

I think we we heal and pour from our own wounds. And so this is a deep, deep wound in your family that um it's it's not it's not something easy, it's not something you asked for, but it's not something that you're gonna waste the opportunity to spread hope and and peace, that there is peace, you can find some peace in in all of this chaos, and and Trent is a miracle, and you're a miracle, and I just am so thankful that you came on um to talk about this. Thank you so much for having me today. Oh, of course. Um, one last thing, if there's anything you'd like somebody to take away from today's conversation, what would it be?

SPEAKER_01 1:08:37

As hard as it is, ask for the help and be willing to accept the help. Those those were my two struggles. I didn't want to ask for help, and when people would offer it, I would say, oh no, I'm I'm good. I'm good, I'm good. You're not good, you can't carry it all. Accept the help. If you imagine how you feel when you help somebody, don't deprive somebody else from feeling that way by helping you.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:07

Beautiful mic drop. I love it. I love it. Okay, well, before we close, I just want to invite anyone listening, especially caregivers. Let's just take one slow breath. And let's notice what you're carrying that isn't yours alone. You can love somebody deeply without holding every outcome in your body. So for just one moment, let your shoulders drop. You're allowed to be cared for too. Let this land softly, no pressure, no intensity. Just let it be. Release what's not yours. I'm so very proud of you. Thank you, Tracy. Thanks, Al. Thank you for being here. If this conversation brought up difficult feelings, please take care of yourself in whatever way you need. I welcome you to carry forward what feels steady and release what isn't yours to hold. If additional support would feel helpful, consider reaching out to a trusted friend, a professional, or a resource in your community. Healing is not a straight line, and you do not have to journey this alone. If this space has been meaningful for you, you're welcome to reach out. And if listening quietly is what you need right now, that's enough. You're right where you're supposed to be. Thank you for witnessing with me today, and until next time, remember that you are loved and worthy of being witnessed.