Why We Show Up the Way We Do At Work

In this episode, I explore the idea that the way we lead, communicate, and respond at work is often the intersection of our life experiences, our level of self-awareness, and the work we’ve done to process those experiences.

Our early environments, the leaders we’ve worked with, and the messages we received growing up all shape the patterns we bring into the workplace—sometimes in ways we don’t immediately recognize.

I also share a personal example of my own journey with learning to be more assertive. Growing up, speaking up wasn’t really encouraged. Over time, I realized that pattern was showing up in my professional life, and becoming more aware of it allowed me to start changing it.

In this conversation, we’ll talk about:

• How our experiences influence our leadership and workplace behaviors
• Why self-awareness is a critical leadership skill
• How unprocessed experiences can show up in our work relationships
• Why doing the inner work can help us lead more intentionally

This episode is an invitation to reflect on the patterns we carry into our work and how greater awareness can help us show up with more intention, courage, and authenticity.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:03

Okay, welcome to Inside Work with Lindy, where I'll be exploring the moments that matter most, like advocating for yourself, having the hard but necessary conversations, and getting clear on what you really want. This will be a place where I hope you feel less alone, supported, and more confident in how you move through your life. I'm Lindy, your host and the person in your corner telling you you've got this. All right, let's do it. Today, I want to talk about something that I think influences our work and leadership more than we often realize. It's the idea that how we show up at work is really the intersection of our experiences, our awareness of those experiences, and the work that we've done or perhaps haven't done yet to process them. Every day when we walk into work, whether that's in person, on a virtual meeting, a phone call, a conversation with a colleague, we're not just bringing our skills and our job title, we're also bringing our history, our experiences, the feedback we've received over the years, all of the environments that we grew up in, the leaders we've worked for in the past, the moments we've succeeded, and the moments where we've struggled. All of that comes with us. And often we don't even realize how much those experiences are shaping how we show up. Our early experiences especially can create patterns that follow us into adulthood and into leadership. Let's think about it. Maybe you had a manager early on in your career who micromanaged everything you did. Sometimes that experience can lead someone to becoming very controlling when they themselves are in a leadership role. Or maybe you grew up in an environment where conflict really didn't feel that safe. So now, as a leader, it might feel very uncomfortable to address performance issues directly. Or maybe you were always praised for being the reliable one, the person that would get stuff done, who you would just handle everything. And now you struggle to delegate because you've built an entire identity around being the one who carries the load. That's just how it goes. These patterns they don't disappear when we grow older or when we get promoted in our jobs. They stay with us, they come with us. And often they show up in the subtle ways in how we lead, how we communicate and interact with others. But here's where things get interesting. The real shift happens when we begin to develop an awareness. An awareness is that moment when we pause and ask ourselves questions like, gosh, why did that comment trigger me so much? Or why did I react defensively in that conversation? Or maybe why do I feel like I need to control this situation? What's behind that? Self-awareness isn't about judging ourselves or beating ourselves up, it's really about curiosity. It's the willingness to step back and say, hmm, that reaction might be connected to something deeper. I just have this feeling. And the more aware we become of our patterns, the more choice we actually have in how we respond. Without awareness, we simply react. With awareness, we can respond more intentionally. And here's the hard truth. If we haven't worked through our experiences, they don't disappear. Even though, trust me, I know we wish they would. They still show up. They show up in our leadership style, they show up in our relationships with coworkers, they show up in how we respond to stress or feedback. And work, like it or not, it's actually one of the environments where this shows up a lot. Because if you think about it, work touches so many parts of our identity, our sense of worth, achievement, recognition, belonging. If we haven't processed parts of our stories, sometimes we find ourselves replaying those patterns at work without even realizing it. We find ourselves overreacting in situations that feel bigger than they actually are, or avoiding conversations that we know we have to have. Or maybe feeling frustrated by patterns in our work relationships that seem to just repeat. And often those patterns, they are invitations for us to look inward. One area that I've personally worked on over the years is my assertiveness. Growing up, speaking up really wasn't encouraged all that much. The message was more along the lines of keep your head down, don't make waves, work hard. And that approach, it served me well in some ways when I was younger. It helped me stay focused and very responsible. But as I moved in my career, especially in leadership roles, I began to realize that this pattern was limiting me. I would sometimes hold back in meetings or hesitate to express my perspective, or assume that if I just worked hard enough, people would notice what I needed or what I wanted. And what I've learned over time is that's not always how the workplace works. People cannot read our minds. And the more I became aware of this pattern in myself, the more intentional I became and about working on it. Learning to be more assertive, speaking up about my ideas, advocating for what I believed was important. And interestingly enough, what I discovered is that the more assertive I became, in a respectful and thoughtful way, of course, the more I actually started getting what I wanted and what I needed. Hmm. Go figure. Not because I was pushing harder, but because I was communicating more clearly. There is a great power in that I found. And that shift can come from awareness. Once I saw the pattern, I could begin to change it. The goal isn't that we become perfectly healed or perfectly self-aware before we lead others. That's just not real. But the goal is to be willing to do the work along the way. That might look like reflecting on our own experiences, being open, really open to feedback, working with a coach or a mentor, spending time thinking about our reactions and patterns. Leadership isn't just about strategy or decision making. A big part of it is actually emotional maturity. It's the willingness to understand ourselves better so that we can show up more intentionally for the people around us. So, I want to leave you with a few questions to think about. What experiences have most shaped how you respond to stress or conflict at work? Where do you notice yourself getting defensive? What type of feedback is the hardest for you to hear? And are there patterns in your career or leadership style that seem to repeat themselves? Those patterns might not be random. They might actually be invitations for growth. How we show up at work, it isn't random. It's the intersection of experiences, our awareness of those experiences, and the work we've done to understand them. And the more willing we are to explore our own story, the more intentional we can be in how we lead, communicate, and support others. And in the end, that kind of awareness doesn't just make us better leaders. Thank you for listening. I'll see you next time. If something in this episode made you think, feel, or maybe just breathe a little bit easier, I'd be so grateful if you'd leave a rating or a review. It helps others find their way here too. And hey, keep going. You've got this.