Why self-awareness isn't changing your love life

You have done enough healing. That is not the problem.

If you are self-aware, have spent years in therapy or personal development, know your patterns inside out, and are still single, this episode is going to reframe everything. Because the missing piece is not more healing.

In this episode of Shift and Receive, I explain the difference between awareness and actual subconscious change, why you can heal something completely at a conscious level and still keep running the same pattern in your relationships, and what it actually takes to break the cycle for good. If you have ever felt stuck on the self-development hamster wheel while your love life stays exactly the same, this is the episode that explains why, and what to do instead.

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Transcript

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You are not single because you haven't healed your inner child enough. You are not single because you haven't healed from your first crush breaking your heart. That is not why. You have done enough healing. The problem here is that you have not actually rewired the way that you are doing life. Welcome to Shift and Receive. I'm Alexandra Belrose, your host, hypnotherapist, and EFT tapping expert. I specialize in all things love, subconscious rewiring, and manifesting the amazing relationship and life you've always dreamed of. Let's get into it. I know that you are smart. You've probably gone to therapy, you've probably done a lot of work on yourself. And if you are anything like me, you probably are right now in a self-development addiction moment. And those that can come and go. I've definitely had moments where I was reading so many different types of books, that I was researching so many things, that I was learning and going the deep end of self-development. And then there were times that I just wanted to read rom cons or I just wanted to read Akatar. If you haven't read Akatar, definitely a recommendation here. But all of this to say that I know that you probably have done a lot of self-development, that you have worked on yourself, that you are probably quite self-aware. And still the whole being single thing is completely baffling to you. And you'll wonder if I know myself so much, why am I still single? I was once told by my therapist, you are too self-aware to go to therapy. And that is still something that sticks with me because yes, I have done a lot of work on myself, and obviously I do hypnotherapy and I teach all of these things, but you still need someone external to you that is going to mirror those patterns, that is going to mirror those beliefs for you to then go, like, oh wow, I am still doing this thing, or I hadn't realized how triggering this was still. So, yes, I get it. You have done so much healing and you are so aware, but there is something that is still just not clicking, and you know that because you see it in your everyday life. You are still single when everybody else around you seems to be in relationships. And this isn't to say that there is something wrong with you. There is definitely nothing wrong with you. You are not single because you haven't healed your inner child enough. You are not single because you haven't healed from your first crush breaking your heart. That is not why. You have done enough healing. The problem here is that you have not actually rewired the way that you are doing life. I think because the word rewiring always makes me think of electricity, you can go to a plug and say, Oh, you are not working because the cable behind you is broken, but if you don't change the cable, it's still not going to be working. I hope I'm making sense with this analogy. But there is a part of you that knows everything at a logical level, and your brain knows that, and yet it's still firing the exact same pattern in the exact same ways of doing things because everything comes from the subconscious. And the subconscious does not get healed by someone putting a spell on you, or someone doing some energy healing, or someone just telling you that that's what you're doing. The subconscious is highly illogical from your logical standpoint. For the subconscious, it is being very logical. Everything that you do comes first from your subconscious. So if you are healing things at a logical level, but you are still reacting the way that you used to, you can do all the healing in the world, it's never going to change anything. To give you an example, you might be very aware that someone, when you were growing up, was a bully to you. You know this, you have worked on it, you have worked on it with yourself, with therapists, with other people talking about it. You know it. You have done some inner child seething, you have been there for your inner child, held it when it needed to be held, all of the things. But still, every time that you are in a relationship, you are acting the same way because that person in your childhood made you feel like you were bullied or was actively being a bullied towards you. You have done all of the healing, but the problem is that the subconscious is still firing the same pattern, the same trigger that then makes you take a certain action. Because, like I said, the subconscious works in patterns. So once the subconscious has a belief that is set up, it is then going to know that when we are feeling this way, when something like this happens, we are going to fire up this belief, and that then triggers a certain pattern of actions, of emotions, of things that then make you act a certain way. Your beliefs impact your thoughts, and your thoughts are going to be what you take action from. So the key here is changing that subconscious belief. It's really rewiring that belief. The more you change that pattern, the more you're going to have a different outcome. And sometimes that is just work. So, yes, you definitely need to have that awareness. It all starts with that awareness. But after that, and once you've healed it and you're like, yes, this was not my fault, this was a misunderstanding, whatever that is, it has its root. Fine. But then you have to rewire everything behind it. Instead of running away when someone says, I love you, you sit with it. You see how you feel, you say it back. Instead of starting fights, or instead of just not dating at all because you are now scared of getting hurt again, you've got to rewire that pattern. And you can only do that by removing that subconscious belief, but then taking a different action. And that is not to say that that old subconscious belief is not gonna come back from time to time. That is part of the work. But you are always rooted in the embodiment on the other side. The rewiring and the embodiment go hand in hand. If you rewire but you don't embody, you're gonna have the same results as before. You will still stay in this self-development hamster wheel of constantly chasing the next thing that needs to be healed, that needs to be changed because there's something wrong with you instead of actually doing the thing that is going to change the outcome. Notice, have that awareness, rewire that. What will you do different? And then embody the outcome. The version of you that has that amazing relationship. What did she do in this situation? How does she handle these types of situations? What does she think about love, about dating, about herself? Those are the things that you need to embody. You can't embody those without first doing the rewiring, but the rewiring without the embodiment also doesn't do anything. So again, you first have to have that awareness. You then rewire your subconscious to make you think about different things that you can do. So you're not thinking from the same place as before, and then you're able to embody that. That is the key. But that is why we are so addicted to self-development. Because without the embodiment, the self-development is just constant work that we feel like we need to do. So stop the self-development, stop the healing on yourself, and start rewiring your subconscious and embody the version of you that is already in a relationship, that is already happily engaged or married, or whatever that looks like for you. Thank you so much for listening to this episode. If you have enjoyed it, please leave a five star review and make sure that you follow Shift and Receive wherever you are listening. And if you are ready to change your love life, take my quiz What is your biggest love block, to discover what is blocking you right now in your love life? You have the link in the show notes.