Good Men Exist. Here's Why You're Not Seeing Them

You do not have a dating problem.

That might sound out of touch when the internet is full of stories about bad behaviour on the apps, men who cannot hold a conversation, and red flags at every turn. But stay with me, because this episode is going to challenge something most women in the dating world have absorbed without realising it.

In this episode of Shift and Receive, I get into one of the most important manifesting principles there is: you do not attract what you want, you attract what you believe. And if everything around you, social media, your friends, your own past experiences, has been building a subconscious case that good men do not exist, that is exactly what your reality will keep confirming. I share my own experience of noticing this pattern, why the brain is hardwired to remember the bad and forget the good, and what actually changes when you rewire the belief.

What You'll Learn:

• Why "there are no good men" is a belief problem, not a dating problem, and why that distinction matters so much
• The core manifesting principle: you attract what you believe, not what you want
• How social media, the manosphere, and your social circle can quietly build a subconscious story that keeps good men invisible to you
• Why your brain is neurologically wired to remember bad experiences and dismiss good ones, and how that shapes what you keep manifesting
• The real reason your algorithm, on the apps and in life, keeps showing you the same type of man
• What changed when I rewired my own belief about men
• How changing a belief shifts not just who you attract but how you show up, what you accept, and how regulated your nervous system feels on dates

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

And the same thing goes with love. If you want to manifest love, but you are constantly believing that men are not good, that men are trash, that you have to be constantly looking for red flags when you date because men are just terrible. That's exactly what you're gonna be manifesting. Welcome to Shift and Receive. I'm Alexandra Belrose, your host, hypnotherapist, and EFT tapping expert. I specialise in all things love, subconscious rewiring, and manifesting the amazing relationship and life you've always dreamed of. Let's get into it. This might be a controversial topic, but you don't actually have a dating problem. And what I mean by dating problem is not that there are not good men in your city, that the apps are this or that, or whatever else you are telling yourself. And I know that that sounds like such an incredibly out-of-touch thing to say, but bear with me here. I know that in the world that we currently live in, where things like the manosphere are so rampant and you see on social media how men can be, I am going to tell you that what if that was just a belief problem and not a dating problem? While I see things on social media, while I see people on social media talking about how bad men are, how they are disrespectful or just very weird on dating apps. I also see my clients dating amazing men. And they rarely have to deal with the sort of man that doesn't know how to treat a woman well or how to respect a woman or how to message or plan a date. This isn't just because they are lucky or they are in a specific place. This is because they have worked on their beliefs, they have chosen to believe something different than what social media has been showing them. One of the biggest lessons when I was learning all about manifestation is that you actually manifest what you believe and not what you want. So, for example, you might want to manifest money, but if you don't believe that you can have money, or you don't believe that you can manage money because you're not good with numbers, you're just not gonna be able to manifest that. And the same thing goes with love. If you want to manifest love, but you are constantly believing that men are not good, that men are trash, that you have to be constantly looking for red flags when you date because men are just terrible. That's exactly what you're gonna be manifesting. One that I see so often, and I have also lived, is if you think that men only want you for sex, you are only gonna be manifesting men that want you for sex or men that start messaging you just to ask for spicy pictures, or that send those unsolicited dick pics. I have been on that side of the dating apps, I have lived it. But when I finally noticed that pattern and I thought, wow, okay, now this is a pattern because the last of the three guys that I spoke to have sent me pictures or have asked for pictures, they had zero interest in talking to me as a person. Then I realized this is a belief that is not doing me any favors. And I started noticing that so many people around me were having the same conversations, that social media was just showing me men asking for all of those dick pics, that friends around me were constantly talking about that. So, of course, I started taking all of the beliefs of everybody else, all of their experiences as my own and my subconscious made it a truth and just ran with it. But when I changed that belief, my algorithm completely changed. And I met really amazing men. One of them even drove for three hours to come to London to build an IKEA shelf for me and then take me out for dinner and then go home. He was a complete gentleman and so so nice. Good men exist. And yes, we all know that bad men exist too. But the world is full of both. There are terrible women out there as well, but you chose your female friends that weren't that. So you can do exactly the same thing with men. You chose to have amazing, empowering women that support each other, that are there for each other, because you believed that that was a possibility for you. You believed that those women wanted you as a friend, that you could be in circles with those types of women. So whenever you saw a woman that wasn't that, you distanced yourself. And you can do the same with men. The more you start believing that there are good men, that there are men that are emotionally available, the more you're gonna be able to see those. But you also have to believe that they're gonna want you. What you need to understand here is that the brain is wired to remember the bad, to notice the bad things, because it needs to find ways to protect you. So it needs to know when there is danger. So it is gonna be looking constantly for danger. That is why, even if you're scrolling on social media and you see three videos of incredible men or women sharing about how incredible their men are, but you see one video of a man that is a complete red flag, half an hour later, you are only gonna be remembering the bad one. Not even 30 minutes, 10 minutes after, you are only going to remember the bad one. Your body will keep that memory. The way that it made you feel, like your stomach tightens, that you get angry, all of those little bits, your body remembers. And then he banks it for whenever you want to find a man. And by then you have this whole bank of memories and things that you have seen and heard of terrible men in your subconscious, making you believe that there are no good men, or that they are so rare that they are impossible to find. They are not, it's just that the bad ones are really loud. Because we, and when I say we, is not just women, but society. We just get so enraged and mad, and we want to vent and we want to tell people so they know, so they are aware, that that is all we keep hearing about. And because of the way that the brain works, what triggers your nervous system into a dysregulated state is gonna be so important for your brain, then what makes you feel calm? And the good stories, the good men make our nervous system calm. So there is no need to shout about it. There aren't big stories about it. So then the brain completely forgets because it doesn't need to remember to protect you from that. And of course, this isn't to say that there aren't bad men out there. Of course there are. There are men who only want sex and men who ghost and men who disrespect women. But when you rewire your brain and your subconscious to notice the good men, to believe that there are good men out there in the world, and you truly embody those beliefs and show up as the person who believes them, you act differently and you start noticing things around you that you didn't as much before. You show up as the person who won't accept that kind of bad behavior, and that also doesn't dwell on that kind of behavior. Then your body feels so much more relaxed and your nervous system is so much more regulated. And like I was saying earlier, you manifest what you believe. So then you start manifesting the right kind of man. You show up for yourself with the beliefs that actually support the thing that you want to manifest, and the world changes. Your manifestations change, good men start showing up, and then you have a man that drives for three hours to just build an IKEA shelf that takes 15 minutes to build just because they want to be in your energy, just because they are kind and they want to do something for you. And you can 100% have that. Thank you so much for listening to this episode. If you have enjoyed it, please leave a five star review and make sure that you follow Shift and Receive wherever you are listening. And if you are ready to change your love life, take my quiz What is your biggest love block, to discover what is blocking you right now in your love life. You have the link in the show notes.