Stop dating your type to find real love

Everybody has a type, but are you still single because of it? Whether it is that he works in finance is 6'2 and has blue eyes or he is the educated kind, your type could be keeping you single.

In this episode I explain why the subconscious loves a type and why it might be harder to find real love if you stick to your type "on paper".

Loved this episode?

⭐ Leave a 5-star review to help other people find the podcast!

Take the quiz! https://alexandrabellerose.com/take-the-quiz/

Work with me:
ADORED - 6 months to become the woman who inspires devotion and find lasting love once and for all - https://alexandrabellerose.com/adored-programme/

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

It's a whole pattern that your subconscious knows how to deal with. The subconscious doesn't know if something is good or something is bad. Everything is completely neutral. It is just taking information from past experiences. Welcome to Shift and Receive. I'm Alexandra Belrose, your host, hypnotherapist, and EFT tapping expert. I specialise in all things love, subconscious rewiring, and manifesting the amazing relationship and life you've always dreamed of. Let's get into it. We all have a type. Even if you say that you don't have a type, you probably do have a type. But the question here is, is your specific type keeping you single? I, for example, have always said that I don't have a type. And my friends have laughed at me so many times, up to the point that after so many breakups, I decided to maybe I should look at my past. And I realized that I definitely did have a type. And it tended to be these men that had such deep passions that that passion was so much more important than me. They tended to be educated and made good money, but they never had time for me. And some of them were blonde, some of them had brown hair, different heights, but deep down they were all the same. We would really connect and have this deep chemistry by having very interesting conversations because they were educated, they had passions, they could hold an interesting conversation. So I would get hooked on that chemistry and then forget about the rest. So that is when it occurred to me that I probably needed to try a different type because it hadn't worked so well this far. And if you are telling yourself I don't have a type, please do me and yourself a favor and really look at past partners and crushes and anything like that. Because I was the one that always said to literally everybody, I don't have a type. This can start by really looking obviously at the way that they look. Are they all, you know, very tall men or blonde? Or do they have dark eyes? Or maybe they are in a certain profession. But also look at do you have chemistry in that first date and what was it about? Other things that you can look at is the way that they message, the way that they communicate. Do they all have the same sort of way of communicating with you? Maybe it's the way that they treat you. Or maybe you've always liked the sporty type, even if it was lots of different sorts of sports. Maybe it's time to try a nerdy guy. A guy that does not care about sports at all. Or that has a completely different profession. Or a guy that actually messages consistently. Because the thing here to remember is that the subconscious works in patterns. It is going to find comfort in knowing that this type of person is going to act this way. We know how to handle it when they finally say, I'm meeting the guys for football, and they are more important than our date night. We know what to do. Maybe your subconscious gets hooked in this pattern of like, we know what to do. The person that you are dating messages you just once a day. And when you meet a someone that maybe checks on you throughout the day, that at the end of the day tells you how that day went, and then you suddenly get the ick, that is a subconscious pattern that needs to be looked at. Because your subconscious then doesn't know how to handle this new piece of information. So there is a fear in seeing that maybe the nerdy guy messages you every day. What do you do with that? You don't know how to handle it, so then you just push it away. Your subconscious doesn't have any markers of what to do, how to react, what happens after when X thing happens because it's never happened. So then your brain is just like, well, this is never gonna work. I don't like this. So you just walk away. You self-sabotage after that first date, or maybe even after the first few messages. Oh no, he is too nice, he is too eager. So instead you go and start messaging that guy that maybe messages you once a week because your subconscious knows how to deal with that. After he doesn't reply, you feel disappointed, then you will feel angry, then you will go and vent to your friends, and then he will message again and you'll get your hopes high, and it's a whole pattern that your subconscious knows how to deal with. The subconscious doesn't know if something is good or something is bad. Everything is completely neutral. It is just taking information from past experiences. So it thinks, great, we are in this situation that we know, so we will fire up this whole pattern and we know what's gonna happen at the end. And that is safe. So what if instead you gave a chance to the nerdy guy or the intellectual guy or the guy that doesn't work in finance? Because you will then show up differently, as this is a completely new experience for you with no past records, with no past experiences, and it's completely different of how you have shown up in the past. You can then embody the version of you that knows she can have exactly the type of love and the type of relationship that she has always wanted. And that might look different than what you have thought in the past. It might not be the 6'2 chiseled jaw kind of guy, but it might be the nerdy guy that absolutely adores you and kisses the floor that you walk on, and that listens to you in the evening when you have a bad day and brings you snacks while you're on your period. This is something that I see so often with so many people, and I have definitely done this in the past as well, but is going on a lot of first dates and immediately saying no, this is just not for me. We didn't have the chemistry because you are comparing the chemistry with all of the past experiences that you've had with your type that didn't get you to where you wanted to be. So, what if instead of going on first dates and immediately saying no, they are not for me, you gave them a second chance. You gave them two or three dates. It's the change of pattern that your subconscious needs to create a new safe story around love. And of course, I am not saying at all, if you feel unsafe on a date, you should give them a second date. That goes without saying. But this is about that initial chemistry. Men are also nervous about dating. They've had as many, if not more, rejections than women have, and they also have their dreams. The first date is such a small piece of that. I have been on dates with men that on the first date I would have normally said no, and they really surprise me on date two or date three. They really start showing their personality and they're very funny and they're very caring. Then the subconscious doesn't have previous information, so you don't self-sabotage, so you can show up a completely different version of you. I was never into bad boys, but as women, we always have a bit of a soft spot for bad men that we think that we can change. And when I say bad men, it's not necessarily like the kind of man that's gonna end up in jail, but you know, that can also be the emotionally unavailable man or the man that is chronically single because we just think I can change them. But I know so many women, clients and friends included, that used to love a bad boy, but when they finally decided and realized that this type is not going to get me what I want, and they went for a completely different type, they found that dreamed relationship that they wanted. They found love, they found the safety that they had been craving. And for most of these, the sparks didn't come on the first date. There wasn't any fireworks when they first met or they first touched or they first kissed, but it was a slower burn that really evolved into an amazing relationship and for a lot of them a beautiful marriage. And from the point of the subconscious, it just makes so much sense. I always say that subconscious rewiring is so important and it goes hand in hand with embodying the version of you that already has the amazing relationship. But I also think that you should try to make things easy for yourself sometimes. And this is one of those. If you have always been the kind of woman that gives everything, that has no boundaries, that is constantly self-abandoning in relationships, trying to change how you show up with the exact same type of person, it's gonna be so much harder because it's gonna require you to be very aware of what you're doing, of what you are saying. And there's gonna be a really long time where you are not gonna be able to relax because you have to be so aware of what you should do and shouldn't do. But if you break that pattern and you show up completely differently to a different type of man, the dynamic changes. You have embodied the version of you that believes that she can have the dream relationship that she's always wanted, and she also can do it from a place of feeling regulated because there is no past behavior or past experiences that says this man is going to react to this way or this man is going to do that because it's a completely different type of person. So give it a try, and instead of going on just one date and have that be the all-defining moment of whether this can be your husband or not, give it a few more dates. Let them wow you and let yourself wow yourself so you can be proud of who you are in relationships and really becoming the version of you that believes she can have the lasting incredible relationship she's always dreamed of. Thank you so much for listening to this episode. If you have enjoyed it, please leave a five star review and make sure that you follow Shift and Receive wherever you are listening. And if you are ready to change your love life, take my quiz, What is your biggest love block, to discover what is blocking you right now in your love life. You have the link in the show notes.