Training Should Build Your Life, Not Replace It

In last week’s episode, we talked about why staying comfortable in your training can hold you back from real progress. But what happens when you swing too far in the other direction?

In this episode of My Understanding, we’re exploring the other side of the spectrum—when discipline turns into control, and control starts to take over your life.

Fitness can be one of the most stabilizing and empowering tools we have. It gives us structure, progress, and a sense of capability. But when life feels unpredictable, it can also become the one place we try to control everything. Check it out and let us know what you think! 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hey everyone, welcome back to my understanding. I hope you guys are doing well. Had a good week. Uh today we've got a fun topic. So last week we had talked about the mentality of training and how being comfortable can cause little to no progress. Uh so this week I wanted to go over how too much control can also be a bad thing. So when you are, we're gonna kind of go over a couple topics around this. So one of which is gonna be just kind of the idea of using fitness as control. Uh, another is just when you know discipline becomes more of an obsession. And the last topic I'll be covering is kind of a healthy drive versus avoidance. So each of those is, you know, we're gonna spend a little bit of time discussing, kind of just giving you guys my understanding, obviously, of each of these and my own kind of opinion on how they'll affect somebody's gym life and outside life. I've seen a lot I've seen this in lots of different people during my time as a fitness professional. And so these are just some of the things that I have personally noticed. So to kind of kick us off, one of the first things I want to talk about is using fitness as control. So, what I mean when I say that is fitness can be a very stabilizing force in life. You are, you know, it is a great way to ground yourself. You are in control of so many aspects of the gym, of your, you know, health lifestyle, if you will call it. So, you know, you're in control of your sets, your reps, you're pretty much kind of in control of your physical body in that sense. So it gives you a lot of things that you are you can kind of build some discipline around. And so it is one area where when you are really dialed in, it is a great thing to help just give you some guidance and help kind of bring you back to reality of like, okay, hey, life outside may be tough, but this is one area where you're still doing really good. So that is a good thing. But the other side is sometimes it can become a place where you try to control everything and you almost ignore how bad things are going outside of the gym. And so it almost acts as this mask in a sense of like, hey, yeah, things are going great in the gym. Oh, did I just, you know, I'm not gonna worry about the stuff going outside because I know at the end of the day I can still come to the gym. You know, maybe you're struggling at work, struggling in a relationship or something, but the gym is going good. You almost let it become a mask of like, okay, as long as I'm doing good in this area, I don't need to worry about the rest. Or I can kind of lie to myself about how bad things are outside of you. It's almost like progress in the gym becomes a substitute for just addressing the harder, harder emotional or life changes that you could be going through. So that's kind of where having the too much control part is a dangerous aspect for the gym because while you have the benefit, the good side of hey, it is a great way to build the habits, healthy habits, build that lifestyle, build a routine that can very well help you on the outside of life. It I mean, it's it's meant to, it's meant to help give you more energy throughout your day, it's meant to help give you some mental clarity, get a lot of stress relief. So there's lots of benefits. But if you are ignoring all the other things and kind of pushing them down and not allowing it to be that good thing in your life, and you're just kind of letting it consume you in a sense, now you're you're letting it take over an aspect of your life that it shouldn't be. So you really have to kind of monitor, okay, and kind of have just a real talk with yourself of is the gym, you know, something that is offering clear, you know, inputs and outputs for me, something that I have a lot of control over. Is that still still being something that is good for me? Or have I started to let it become something bad? Because ultimately this doesn't mean that you know training or working out is unhealthy. The problem more so just arrives when fitness becomes the only place that you know someone feels capable or in control. Because then you've started to let everything else in your life slide. So as you are, you know, going throughout your daily life, you really do have to have those talks with yourself of like, okay, I'm glad the gym's going good. How is how's the rest of my life doing? And sometimes those talks can be very hard. Sometimes we don't always want to have those talks. But if you can't, the gym is going to be something that just starts to take over your life rather than be a good part of it. And I am, I mean, this could just be me, but I am a firm believer that too much of something is never a good thing. I mean, too much of anything is usually never a good thing. Too much of water, terrible thing still. I was gonna go very dark there for a second, but too much, usually almost always, too much of anything is never a good thing. I am a firm believer in that. Um so yeah, so kind of monitoring to make sure that you know fitness doesn't have too much control over your life and that you are still in control of it, is the way to look at it, I would say. Um, and to kind of expand on this topic, or I guess, you know, kind of go on to the next small one, which is where or when discipline becomes an obsession. So you have a lot of control over life, or your goal is to have that balance of control in life and control in the gym. And sometimes when the gym starts to have too much control, it can turn into what looks to be an obsession. And so discipline is often, you know, praised in fitness. It's a good thing. You want to have a lot of discipline, that commitment, it shows you can show up, you can do the hard things. And so having discipline is often praised in the fitness world and for a good reason, you know, that consistency and that routine, it's good to have those. But it might also explain that, you know, healthy, healthy discipline allows for adaptation because too much of that discipline can become unhealthy, especially when like flexibility disappears. So the healthy amount of discipline allows for you to shift gears, it allows for you to, you know, become more malleable to the things around you. Because discipline doesn't just mean, okay, I'm on this strict and rigid routine, I can't change anything, and I'm doing that day after day after day, week after week, month after month, and so on. Having the discipline means, okay, I have this routine that I'm going for, I'm gonna stick to it as best as I can with the intention, okay, this is what I'm gonna do. And when something comes up that inevitably will put a change in that plan, having the discipline to, okay, how can I still get to go in the direction that I'm trying to go? Why? So sorry. I got a little distracted. One of our cats accidentally kicked a toy underneath the door, and uh, I just see their paw kind of like reaching and it's just like, where'd it go? Where'd it go? Oh, so sorry. Okay, sidetracked. Um, so discipline uh is about okay, when something kind of changes up your routine and changes up that plan, understanding what your goal is, the lifestyle that you're trying to build, and how can you, you know, modify it and be like, okay, cool, you know, my work schedule changed from nine to five to, you know, now I'm working in the mornings. Maybe it's like a five to three or something like that. And so then it's like, okay, I'm I used to work out in the mornings. Maybe now I figure out a way to work out on my lunch break or in the evening time. So you're still having the discipline because you're still trying to get it done, but also understanding, okay, things are going to change. I'm not just going to, you know, quit on it. That is kind of the healthy version of discipline. But when it becomes an obsession, that's when it's like, okay, this is an extreme example, but let's say your schedule changes from nine to five to five to three, and you're like, okay, time to quit my job. All right, not working here anymore, trying to mess with my gym routine. I don't think so. So that would be that would be an unhealthy, you know, way to look at discipline, is when it becomes your whole life, and that nothing should ever separate you from it. You're treating it like a toxic relationship, basically, where it's like it is, it has consumed you. It is, I was about to say it is gaslighting you. It sometimes can feel that way. Yeah. Um, but yeah, so understanding that when you are trying to build a lifestyle around the gym, and a life, a healthy lifestyle, even will say, having discipline is a good thing, but kind of like I mentioned earlier, too much of anything is not a good thing. And so looking for those signs of like, okay, have I started to lose flexibility? Have I started to lose that? Where it's like, okay, hey, I haven't will say, even on a less extreme note, I haven't hung out with my friends in weeks because every time they want to hang out, that's exactly when I go to the gym. It's like, okay, you know, every now and then it's okay to miss a gym session, especially if you're doing something where it is hanging out with friends, you're getting, you know, a release of dopamine that way, you're getting to do something that's fun, getting to socialize. Having a social life is still very important for the mental health. And so if you're completely cutting that off because, oh no, gym is life, that's where it starts to become toxic. You really do need to kind of find that balance and understand, okay, you know, I I can't, I maybe I can't say yes to them every single time because this is the only time that I'm able to work out. But every now and then, yeah, hey, kind of gauge yourself. Okay, have I just been cutting them off completely? Or when can I, you know, let's schedule some time, fit them in, and make it happen. Cause I'll tell you right now, I've I've got some great friends in my life, and I would be willing to probably see this is the tough one because I'm like, I would quit the gym for them, but I would I would 100% be able to like, okay, I'm gonna take you know a week off because I've got a lot of friends that are wanting to hang out. I would happily do that for them. I would happily miss a gym session for them. Um, I think that's what I was trying to say. Took the long way around, but we got there. Um and that's that's that's the goal, right? That is ultimately the goal, is you're trying to everyone wants to look for a balance in their life. Even if that balance is, you know, hey, somebody's, you know, a CEO, they're the best at what they do, one of those things. They still have balance because they are still trying to get in other aspects of of life, social, whatever. I clearly know what I'm talking about. Um back on track. Sorry. Tangents today would love them. Um so building a healthy lifestyle, building that routine, and finding the balance between, okay, is my discipline starting to look like an obsession? Am I letting it take over my whole life, or am I actually allowing myself to adapt to the life around me that you're living in? Like, I mean, you're not in control of everything in your life. There are certain things that just happen. And so you have to be able to understand okay, how can I not completely quit the gym, or how can I not completely quit these other things in my life that are still important, and just build a routine around it? Discipline is meant to help you pursue your goals, but an obsession kind of just makes your goals the only thing that matters. And so if you're finding your identity in weightlifting, where it's like, okay, no, I have to hit these PRs, I have to lose this weight, all those things. And it is just completely consuming you, and it's the only thing that matters, and you're, you know, going to the extreme. I mean, I don't know how long you're gonna be able to keep that up realistically. That's oh, yeah, that's where you would really need to either have one of your good friends kind of check you and just be like, dude, you what is going on? Or have be, you know, be able to be real with yourself and just be like, okay, yeah, I'm this is starting to get a little bit too much. So you have to, and you know, that's that's where this becomes tough, is because it's like you will have people try and tell you that even though you're not there. And so you have to also be able to understand, okay, when you are building that healthy lifestyle, not everyone is going to agree with you, not everyone is gonna be on the same page as you, their lifestyle isn't always gonna look like yours, their fitness and health journey isn't always gonna look like yours, and yours won't look like other people's. And so that's where it becomes the idea of okay, you really have to be the ultimate deciding factor of is this becoming an obsession or is it not? And it can be hard to determine that sometimes, which is when you have to kind of when you have to look at facts. You know, how many days a week are you going? Are you recovering properly? Are you still getting your social life? Are you still getting, you know, family time? Are you still doing good at your job? Are you still thriving there? You have to be able to look at all these factors and be like, okay, am I giving the attention outside of here that I'm giving the gym? And so that's when you have those kind of disputes basically of figuring out what's going on. So figuring out the kind of healthy drive and understanding is this a good thing, or am I just, you know, avoiding all the others, which kind of goes into the next topic that I wanted to talk about, which is having a healthy drive versus avoidance. So when you have what I mean by that is a a healthy drive, it usually comes from a constructive place. So it's it's it's someone based someone trains because they enjoy the process. They they want to they want to feel capable, they want to improve their health or challenge themselves in one way or another. So training kind of just adds energy, it adds confidence to the other things in life. That is that is the purpose. That is one of the purposes of it. I shouldn't say the only purpose, but it is one of the purposes. Whereas kind of avoidance-based training, that looks a little that looks very similar on the outside, but it is very different on the inside. So instead of moving towards growth, the person may be running away from something, whether it's you know, stress or insecurity, uh, endurance or just, you know, and sorry, emotional discomfort, uh, or just dissatisfaction with their life. So they may look similar on the outside. They both they both can still be working out, they could both still be going to the gym, you know, four to six days a week, seven days a week, however often they may be going. You might even be seeing results. But the reason behind them could be two completely different things. One person can be doing it for the right reasons, and they're doing really well outside of the gym, too. Whereas the other person could be seeing really good results, but completely struggling outside of the gym and is just falling apart. And that's where it's it's hard to tell until you kind of I mean, it's easier for you to tell because you're in it. From the outside, they look very similar, but avoidance-driven training often comes from just a heavier emotional, you know, tone, basically, where lots of things are going on in your life right now, and it's hard for you to manage all of them, and so you just kind of focus on the gym. You get that obsession where it's like everything's falling apart. This is the only thing that matters. Gym's it, I got nothing else, I don't need anything else. Give me some plates to lift, some lunges to do, which I have never heard anyone say, but oddly enough, they're one of my favorites. So, you know, that's just me. Um, but yeah, avoidance-driven training is always gonna take the form of you're running away from something, you're probably gonna look pretty upset in the gym most of the time, or you're putting on a fake smile. The progress never feels like it's good enough, and missing a session feels very threatening, feels like something is dangerously wrong, and it's because you're trying to make it fill all of these emotional holes that you're not getting in other areas of your life that you should be getting it from, and so it is a very it's a very dangerous road to go down because the gym is not meant to be the only thing in your life, it's just meant to be a constructive part of your journey. A healthy drive allows room for enjoyment and perspective. Uh, the progress is gonna matter, but it doesn't define your entire identity. It doesn't define who you are. It is gonna be a lot more fun, you're gonna be able to get more creative with what you're doing, you'll be able to have a good time while you're doing it, and it'll show. And typically, in my own experience, the progress shows up a lot better. Because when you are having that avoidance-driven training and you're kind of running away from the hard parts of your other life, those are still there. So you still have all the stress, you still have to leave the gym and go to those. So, even if you're spending a lot of extra time in the gym, the moment you leave there, you still have to go back to that life. So you have all of that extra stress, you know, maybe the guilt, shame, whatever is going on, you still have to live with all that afterwards. And so that's gonna just affect your body in its own ways and just cause the progress to, you know, feel not as good, like I was saying earlier. So you really have to, you really have to kind of grasp the idea that the gym there is that healthy balance. You want to be productive in the gym, you want to have the discipline, you don't want to be avoiding it, you want to have a good drive. Because all of these things, like I said at the beginning, can be very good. The gym is meant to be something to help build you up and help build up the life around you. But if you choose to make it an obsession, if you choose to, you know, give it too much control over your life and avoid all the other parts of your life, you've now let it become that toxic relationship. And it's going to it's going to not benefit you, at least not nearly as much as it could, if it was that good in your life, if if you had that balance. And so I really encourage that. I really encourage you guys to kind of take a look, take a look back at your lives, and and okay, is the gym something that is helping me out right now, or is it something that I'm just using to avoid the stresses of life? Training itself isn't the problem. You know, movement, strength, discipline, they're all just incredibly valuable. The key is ensuring that fitness is supporting and balancing our lives, your lives, rather than just replacing it. Training should expand your life, not shrink it. So give it some thought. And if you're really trying to become the strongest version of yourself, not even just physically, but mentally as well, that's going to be somebody whose habits support all aspects of their life. Not just one. So I would encourage you guys to take some take some time, kind of ask yourself those hard questions. Uh, and let me know what you guys think. I mean, I'm I'm always here for you if you guys ever need it. If you there's any advice that I can ever give you, any support, please let me know. You know, I've I've been on my own journey for a long time, 10 plus years. And so I if you think I haven't been through it, there's a good chance that I have. I'm not gonna say everything, obviously, because I've you know, I haven't done everything. But after 10 plus years of being on this type of journey and having plenty of setbacks, plenty of my own struggles, you guys aren't alone. So please let me know. I'd be happy to help you out, give any advice that I can, give guidance, suggestions, and also please challenge me. Like if you feel like there's something that I miss or something that maybe you know I didn't explain clearly enough, let me know. I'm always down to learn new things or you know, reframe my mindset in different ways as well, because that's how we grow. So please, yeah, let me know. And if you guys are enjoying these episodes as well, it would really mean a whole lot if you guys gave it a like, a subscribe, follow, send it to a friend or two that maybe you thought of when you saw this, uh, and ask me questions. And I look forward to uh hearing hearing hearing hearing your guys' feedback online. Yeah, we'll go with that. Seeing it too, but you know. So thank you guys so much. I appreciate you guys tuning in. Um, I'm excited for next week. We have a special guest coming on next week, so stay tuned, and I will see you guys then. Take care.