Why control is a dangerous master and how to trust God with your husband's business decisions

Control is a scary temptation that seeps in with good intentions. We as women are constantly faced with this temptation: to control our husbands' decisions. 

But this is not how God's design for marriage.

We explain how we should approach our husbands, God, and business decisions, and why living a surrendered life is the best.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

What is up, guys? Welcome to the Entrepreneur's Wife Podcast. I am your host, Carly Rains. This is a podcast where we talk all about finding purpose as the helper to our small business owner in this feminist obsessed world. We take biblical values, look at what it means to be a woman of God in our business as a mom, as a wife, and just as a person. And we really look at how do we find identity, how do we find purpose when the world is telling us to find identity and purpose in temporary things, and what does it mean to find identity and purpose in God and in eternal things? How are y'all doing? Um, the podcast episodes have been slowing down a bit. We just had our second daughter, and it has been almost a month. We've gone three weeks, we're going on four weeks, so it's almost been a month since she was born. She was born March 25th, and I'm gonna kind of nerd out, but March 25th, she really wasn't due until April 1st, and she came early March 25th. March 25th is a significant date. If you are an avid fantasy reader, if you're a Lord of the Rings Hobbit, the Hobbit fan, you know that this date has and plays a big role in um J.R. Tolkien's world building with those two books, and so I already have her first birthday party um theme planned out. We're gonna be cute little hobbits, and I am so excited for it. So when I found out she was born on that day and all the correlations, I was like, oh my gosh, this is so cool! So we have been getting adjusted to what it's like to have two babies under two. We have an 18th month-old daughter and then a almost one-month-old daughter, and oh my gosh, to the moms out there, I just want to uh celebrate you and just say I don't know how you do it because it has been exhaustion on a new level, uh, just chaotic on a new level. It's just we're in the thick of it. Thankfully, I have had mom friends who have had kids who are 18 months apart really encourage me um that it does get better that once you kind of get it into the adjusted to the newborn state, like you do find a routine and you do find your rhythm back. Um, you just gotta give yourself a grace for a few months. So we're in that process. Uh, I finally am not feeling as exhausted throughout the day. Um, just because you go from sleeping all night to now with a newborn waking up one to two times in the middle of the night, and that usually takes about an hour. It takes a while to change your diaper, feeder, burp, pump, all stuff. Um, but we are super thankful that she's healthy and we've just been loving her and just enjoying time as family. And I think that it's really important. I know this is kind of like a business uh-minded podcast, but I think it's really important to prioritize your family and your family time and make sure that you're spending time together, especially in these moments. My mom has been very adamant to say, like, don't rush. I know you're exhausted, like I know you are looking forward to when she sleeps throughout the night, but she's never gonna be this little again, like you're never gonna get these moments back, and so try to take it all in as much as you can. And um, I I've I've tried to do that, I need to be better at it, but um it's definitely I don't want to rush this season, and I I just I really want to enjoy where Bristol and I are at in life because we're gonna blink and wake up and be 50 years old and be wondering, you know, where did time go? This went by so fast. So I look at our first daughter and think that. Um, so real quick before we get into this episode, I want to give y'all a couple updates. Um, so the podcast episodes I'm gonna try to do once a week, and then you know, once we get into the groove of things, I might do more episodes a week. But for right now, I'm gonna stick to at least once a week. So you will be getting an episode at least once a week. The second good news is I am doing photography for a writing conference called Realm Makers, and that is at the end of June in St. Louis, and I'm super pumped about that. Um, just the opportunity to get to even do that and represent this organization, um, and that they're trusting me is is really cool, and I I want to say and encourage you as an entrepreneur's wife that everything you're doing for your husband's business is not wasted, and I know we hear that in church, like what you're doing in your season of life like right now is not wasted, it's for a bigger purpose, and I know we hear that all the time, but really a lot of the stuff that I learned through sacrificially working for Briston full time in those in that season when I had to lay down writing and I had to lay down deep desires that I wanted to pursue when I fully bought in and went all in for textile, I learned so much. And so now from what I've learned, I actually like get to apply that and not just benefit myself, but I actually get to benefit this organization and I actually get to add value into them and what they're trying to do and the mission that they're trying to accomplish and just make it better. And I wouldn't have had the knowledge or the wisdom um or the skills had I not have gone all in and laid down my writing desires for a season and gone all in with Texas At Law. Like I wouldn't know what I know today. And so I look back, and you know, we always talk about the story of Joseph, but I look back and I want to encourage you that like no season is gonna be wasted. Really try to be a sponge and take in everything that God is trying to teach you in the season that you're in right now. You might not be loving it, it might not be your dream job, it might not be where you want to be, but I promise you, you're going. If you have a good attitude, if you have a humble heart, and if you soak up all of what God's trying to teach you, I promise you you're gonna take that. And when you get the opportunity that you want, um, you're gonna get to apply so much more wisdom and knowledge from what you're learning now than had you not have done that. And so that's kind of my encouragement for you is just be a learner, grow, be a grower. Um, don't ever think like you know it all. Don't ever think like you're the master, always be a student and have the mindset of a learner and a student. And I promise you, you're just you're gonna be a sponge, and you're just gonna keep growing and growing and growing and growing and becoming better and better and better. And that's what the world needs. The world needs less masters, and the world needs more sponges and learners and students. So, um, let's see if there's anything else. I am gonna do another challenge in June. I've been thinking about it, so I have a goal um of losing 50 pounds. Um, I am right now at 200 and I want to lose, I want to go down to 150 by the end of the year, and so then the month of June, I will be doing like a clean, fast, very similar to our training in righteousness type uh challenge, 30-day fitness and faith challenge that we did in the month of March, where we combined it working out and daily walks and daily exercise, daily movement with faith. And so in June, I'm actually gonna hit on nutrition and us just cleaning out our diet and really correlating that with what do we need to clean out in our spiritual life to help us be healthier and grow closer to God. Um, we're gonna correlate that with food, and I'm gonna let y'all know my biggest struggle is gonna be sugar, and so think about what is your biggest struggle, like what is gonna be the thing that is gonna be the biggest temptation, the hardest thing to say no to. And I would start praying and asking the Lord to help you with those desires before the challenge starts because we have a month and a half before the challenge actually starts, but I'm already setting my mind and like putting my perspective on the mindset and the attitude that I want to have during the challenge, and I'm already trying to prepare myself mentally and emotionally and spiritually for the things that I know I'm gonna struggle with, which is sugar. Okay, so um, yeah, that's coming up in June. And the last thing that I want to say is we are moving forward with the children's book. I had written a faith, cute little western themed children's book based on Texas Outlaw, and we found an illustrator, we're getting a timeline together, and so that's probably going to come out definitely in 2027. I'm hoping at the beginning of the year. Um, so just be looking out for that if you're a mom and you want more faith-based, good uh content for your kids. This is a story that involves running and involves fitness, it involves faith and trusting in God. Um, it's Western themed, like I said. So look out for that. That's coming in 2027. I don't have an exact date yet, but we're getting the ball rolling with that. And then for the YA fantasy novel, um, I am waiting to hear back from a publisher. Crazy, y'all. This is like kind of a tangent, but um there, I'm going to a writing conference in August, and there's just not a lot of even Christian agents or publishers or editors looking for the YA fantasy sci-fi speculative fiction genre. Um, most of them look for, you know, your contemporary, your historical fiction, your Amish type books, and that's great. You know, if you're a middle-aged Christian woman, that's great. It's probably right up your alley. Um, but for our young people, for our teenagers and our young adults, they, you know, 90% of them don't want to read that, and they want to read action-packed, uh, good fantasy-filled books, and sadly, just I don't know why, but not a lot of Christian agents, publishers are looking for that. And if you go to the seculative side of publishers, um, sometimes even though you might not have, you know, Jesus written in the story, it can come like your biblical themes can come across too much, um, too Christian, and especially with the whole movement of you know, the LGTBQ, all that, uh, sexual orientation, transgenderism, they they want it's a hot topic, so they want that in the book. So you have a hard time uh like finding someone to represent you because there are so few who are actual Christians who want um that type of genre and that type of content. So um I actually posted about it the other day and got great feedback from a lot of authors and writers who are experiencing the same thing, and they basically explained that that's why they're going the self-publishing route, and thanks to technology today, we have the capability of producing professional work through self-independent publishing. So if this publisher denies um and doesn't accept my work, and really, guys, I I want to preference that uh if you ever want to write a book, just because a publisher denies does not mean that you're a bad writer. Um, just because they reject your proposal doesn't mean that your writing is terrible. A lot of times it doesn't necessarily have to do with your writing, it has to do with what they're looking for at that moment, and so your book might not be what they're looking for, and so it might just not be a good match, and um it stinks, but it's just it's just true. So if this publisher denies, then I am probably gonna go the self-publishing route, and I have toggled back and forth with it for many years, to be honest, because in the book, in the series, we we bring up some pretty controversial, heavy topics, biblical, and then also just with current events going on, and a publisher a lot of times has say on what's going to be included in the book and what's not gonna be included because they're representing you. And my fear has always been will they want to change some stuff or take some stuff out or not include some stuff that I do feel passionate about and that I do feel like needs to be in there. And self-publishing kind of removes that because it's you, you're publishing the book, so you don't have an overhead saying, Nope, I don't want that in there, or I want this in there instead, or whatever. So um my hope is to get the first book published within the next year, like get the ball rolling within the next year, and but again, I'm waiting to hear back from a publisher, and I should hear back by June. So I have a month and a half left, which is very nerve-wracking. But anyways, so those are kind of all of the updates. Um today I wanted to just briefly talk about releasing control, and I I don't even know what to title this podcast, but I wanted to share with you a really cool thing that had happened that I feel like um the Lord is just reminding me and teaching me. And as Christians, we are always called to live a life of surrender, and surrender and control are two opposing forces. So we either live in a state of surrender or we either live in a state of control, and this can be in anything in life: your job, um, your circumstances, your husband, your family, your kids, your finances-like you either are surrendering them to the Lord and letting him guide your decisions, lead your life, determine what happens, or the opposite of you're in control, you're making the decisions, you're saying which way is what. And honestly, I feel like as women, the reason that we have so much uh struggle with control is because we want safety and we want security. And so honestly, I feel like a lot of people who really struggle with control, it yes, it can be manipulative and it can be evil, but I think for a lot of people, it actually is an insecurity of they want to feel safe and they want to feel secure, and the way that they feel safe and secure is through control, whether they're controlling others or controlling circumstances, they feel like they always have to have their hand on the wheel, if you will. Um, and it can kind of get you in a state to where you're not really dependent on God, you're not trusting him, you're not releasing that state of control, um, and and you're not surrendering to him. And this is the core difference between this is the sorry, my husband just walked in. This is the core difference between the tree of life and the tree of knowledge of good and evil, is that the tree of knowledge of good and evil was really a moment for Eve to take control of her life, um, whereas the tree of life required her to live a surrendered life to the Lord. And so rather than her making decisions and her leaning on her wisdom and what she thought was right, the tree of life is a state of I am literally depending on the life giver, which is God, um, to for my survival for everything. And then the tree of knowledge of good and evil was I'm depending on myself, and I've I've kind of, if you will, become my own God because I'm the one making decisions and I'm the one in control. Okay, so I explain all that to say that when we talk about our husband's business, um, even though he might be the one who's like the CEO and in charge and making all the decisions, at least for Briston and I, a lot of times he comes to me and he'll like ask me questions like, hey, what do you think about this? Or what do you think about hiring this person? Or what do you think about this decision, or what do you think we should do here? And it's funny because he listens to older, wiser business owners and they always talk about their wives' intuition, and they always talk about how like your wife sees things and she has intuition um that you probably don't have, and so she can see things to help you out, and it's really great because I think it fulfills the whole concept of God creating a helper for Adam in the Garden of Eden. It's like a perfect illustration of that. But I feel like it's a huge temptation for us to literally do what Eve did and to take control and to kind of overstep our, I don't want to say boundaries, but overstep our position um and not surrender and humble ourselves like we're supposed to. And I found myself actually struggling with this. So, like recently, we've been hiring or trying to hire for different positions, and Bristons always involves me in the hiring process because in our past we've made some mistakes in hiring and it's been very frustrating. And if you're a business owner and you've hired a wrong per I don't want to say wrong person, but if you just made a bad hire, you'd know how frustrating it is. Um and so we didn't want to make that mistake again. And so uh Briston's always involved me in that process, but lately I've caught myself like not actually like letting him at the end of the day make the decision. Like mentally, I like want to make sure it's the right decision because I don't want us to make a mistake, and I feel like I'm overcompensating that good intention, like my good intention is I want to have a good hire, but I'm not surrendering to the Lord and trusting the Lord that the Lord's gonna give Briston wisdom, and so I can I can see myself falling into control like Eve did and be like, but wait, and even though I haven't like physically done anything to Briston, I can see mentally how I'm spiraling into that, and it was really cool because the other day I had a dream, which I actually hadn't told Briston this, so it's cool that he's sitting here listening to this, but I had a dream, and in the dream we were at church, and there was this uh pastor like talking, and they gave a message, and then once the message was over, I went to an older woman, and I something that the Lord does in dreams is he will have me talk in a dream, and there are internal processors who can process information in their minds and in their thoughts, and then there's external processors who have to verbalize in order for them to process what they think, and I'm an external processor, so I have to physically talk about what I'm thinking in order for me to understand what I'm thinking, and a lot of times when I have like a dream from the Lord, that's what happens is I will be talking to someone, and through whatever I say, the Lord will use like what I'm saying to help me process actually process in my actual mind what is going on, and so in this dream, um, I go to this older woman and I'm explaining to her literally how I am struggling with control and how I um am not like fully trusting the Lord with my husband making decisions in our business and all of this stuff. And I woke up from the dream and I was like, oh my gosh, like that is actually what's going on. I didn't realize that I was not trusting the Lord with Briston making decisions, and so then afterwards I was really sitting thinking about it, and I was like, Okay, God, like you put Briston in position to lead this business, and he is so graciously enough involving me in the process, even though I don't see day to day operations, but I have to like surrender and release control in order and trust you that you're going to show Briston who to hire and what. Decisions to make. Like, I can't be mom over here, helicopter mom, if you will, like looking at every decision that Briston's making, making sure he's making the right decision. That's not really a healthy way to do things. It's more so like, okay, I I and guys, a big thing is like prayer. Like, if I'm praying for Briston to be a godly leader in the business, then that means that I'm also praying for him to commune with the Lord and talk to the Lord about should we hire this person? Should we make this decision? Like, what should we do? And if he's doing that, then the Lord's gonna tell him what to do. And I don't need to be freaking out over here on whether or not we're gonna hire the right person. And so it was just a really cool um dream. And it guys, it honestly reassured me, it gave me a lot of peace. Um, because when I woke up from the dream, even though God was showing me, like, hey, you're struggling with this, God was also showing me like, hey, I see you struggling with this, like, and and I want to fix it and I want to take care of it. Like, I don't want you to continue struggling. And what is so nice is that like when the Lord shows you things that you're that's what's going on mentally, so I didn't realize that that was going on mentally. I knew that I was kind of there was some tension inwardly in me going on with all of our hiring process, like I was worrying about it because I wanted to make sure we were gonna hire the right person. But what's so cool is that when the Lord actually revealed like this is what this is the root of why you're worrying, like you're worrying because you're trying to take control instead of letting me have control and just praying that Briston's gonna listen to what God wants him to do and trusting that God's gonna communicate what Briston should do. Um, and so when we finally got to the root of it, and I realized what the root of why I was worrying was, it brought so much clarity and it brought so much peace because then it was like, okay, well now I know like what to do moving forward. Like now, whenever I go to God, it it's just another call to surrender, and so this constant state of surrendering. Like when you come to Christ, a part of coming to Christ and becoming a Christian in the salvation process is surrender. If you like if you did not have a surrender moment in your salvation process, I don't know if your salvation process was the actual salvation process, because a part of the salvation process is surrendering your control, and it doesn't stop there. Like, there's again, every day there's something that's like, okay, I have to surrender control, like being a mom. There's things that I want to do, and that my kids interrupt 20,000 million times, and it gets frustrating because I'm trying to complete a task and I can't because I get interrupted 20 million times because Biley's getting into something, or the baby's crying, or they're hungry, or like whatever it is, and I have to surrender that control of being like, okay, well, yes, I want to finish this task, but it would be selfish of me to put the task over my babies because I'm also called to steward and take care of them, and their needs come before this task, and so just like the state of surrender. So moving forward is really nice because it gave me a lot of peace of like, okay, God does see me, He does see the desires of my heart, like He knows that I want us to make the right decision, and He's also being like, Hey, like, stop worrying about this. I got this, like I see you, I'm still in control, like I'm gonna take care of it, you have to trust me. And um, I've mentioned this before in a previous episode, but also Briston's sitting right here, so it's funny because he's gonna listen to this. But um, even if your husband like makes a decision that you don't agree with, the Lord has also communicated to me that I can still trust God even with my husband's wrong decisions that are like that I think is wrong that he shouldn't have made. And because I remember Briston got this nice truck, and I was so frustrated because I just felt like financially, I just was like, why did you get this? Like, I just was so frustrated that we could have spent the finances in the business differently. And um, so I was on a walk and I was so frustrated, and I just felt like the Lord was like, you have to trust me with your husband, like you have to trust me with the decisions that your husband makes. And also that even if, like, I feel like God was telling me, even if Briston makes a wrong decision, you have to like I have to trust the Lord that he's still gonna take care of us and it's still gonna be okay, even though Briston might have made a wrong decision. Like he's still like God's still gonna be there as long as I'm pursuing him and running after him, like he's still gonna be a good father and he's still gonna take care of us. And you like that drug. Stop. Okay, yes. I do, I yes, I do like that truck, but um he he knew exactly what I was talking about, dude. But that doesn't mean that there's not gonna be consequences for your actions, there's always consequences, good or bad, for your actions, but God still can intervene. Like, there's never a point to where God's like, oh, you're too far gone, like I can't fix that, I can't intervene, I'm not gonna, you know, and so as women just giving up that control of not micromanaging every decision that your husband makes, especially when it comes to the business. And it's funny because recently Briston's been coming to me about office spaces, and just after that dream, like after that dream of um what the Lord was showing me, I just now am like, you know, like it's whatever you think. Like, and yes, if the Lord reveals something to me, like that I feel like I need to say about something, a decision, then I'm gonna say it. But at the same time, I don't want to micromanage every decision that my husband makes because like God put him in that position for a reason, and again, I don't need to mom him and overstep my boundaries. So, um, again, I don't know exactly what I'm gonna title this, but I did want to mention it in an episode because I think it's important to I don't know, just really trust the Lord with the decisions that your husband's making and always be praying for him that he will listen to the Lord and that you will trust the Lord with the decisions that he makes and just releasing control because control can be a huge temptation um that can send us down a slippery slope of worrying and not actually surrendering to the Lord. So I love you guys. Hope you enjoyed this episode, and I'll see you on the next one.