Finding Hope in Moments of Despair - Mom Edition

Lately I've found myself hopeless and discouraged. But God has shown me that hope, joy, and the motivation to keep going can only be found when we put our complete trust in Him. Surrendering to His goodness and control helps us see the light in such a dark and evil world.

I talk about this and more as it relates to motherhood, business, and walking the Christian faith out.

Transcript

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Alrighty guys, welcome to the Entrepreneur's Wife podcast. I am your host, Carly Rains. This is a podcast where we talk all about finding purpose as the helper to our small business owner in this feminist obsessed world. And today I really this is gonna be a vulnerable conversation. Really just about what I've been going through lately now that I've had two kids and we have a growing business. Um, some of the realistic cons and how God has used that to really have me cling to Him and renew my mind with scripture and just the importance of not taking everything so seriously, but at the same time making sure you're depending on God and making sure that you're setting parameters and boundaries up for your life when moments like this come. And I hope that it's encouraging for you because to be honest, up until this point, I didn't really struggle with the topics that we're gonna talk about. We're gonna talk about social media when it comes to your kids. Do you show your face? Do you not show their faces? Um, talking about just, you know, as you get known more in the online world, what that means in the physical world when it comes to safety, and making sure your kids still get like a normal, radiant, abundant life, but at the same time putting, like I said, boundaries and safety precautions in place. Um, what that means, just it's a whole bunch of stuff. So uh rather than me just explain what it is I'm gonna talk about, let's just get into it and talk about it. So, um, like I said, we Briston and I now have two daughters under two. Our oldest, Briley, she is 19 months, almost 20 months, and our youngest Karsten, just turned two months today. And it has been a wild ride, it's been so fun, so crazy, and so chaotic all at the same time, but it's really uh shaped me as a person, and something that I didn't realize would be a just a temptation to fall into um is worry. I remember being single, and I I had hit a point in my singleness in college where I just really didn't know if I wanted to get married, if I wanted to have kids, because I knew the cost, the emotional cost that would come with those things, and what I mean is like when you get into a relationship or you love someone, um, whether it's romantically or like kids, even friends, you're setting yourself up to potentially get hurt, and it's kind of like an open wound, if you will. Um, and so I knew like going into marriage, okay, like I'm gonna face loss at some point in Bristol and I's life, unless we die exactly at the same time. There's gonna be a time where either he dies before me or I die before him, and I am be entering this marriage knowing that, knowing that there's gonna be really high times and really awesome times, but there's also gonna be loss and grief and disappointment and things like that, and so you know that was one stepping stone, and then we had our first daughter, and again, I came to the realization of okay, this is another vulnerable pinpoint. Um, this is having a kid, you know, you're so vulnerable in so many different aspects, you can hurt on just a whole new level. Um, whether it's people have done stuff to your kids or at your kids or about your kids, and it affects you as a parent. And in the world we live in today, there's so much evil, um, there's always been evil, and there's nothing new under the sun, but just I think with technology, the news, social media, having everything at our fingertips escalates that evil tremendously. I mean, because if you think about it, back in the day, if something catastrophic happened across the world, they didn't have the technology to know that right then and there. So it would take years before word of mouth stories got to them. And I think that that really, you know, there's a book that talks about the anxious generation talking about how I don't know if it's um millennials or Gen Z, I think it's Gen Z, how we are the most anxious generation, and it is it, it's it makes sense because literally something happens, it's on the news, it's on social media, there's reels about it, there's posts about it. You get everything right then and there, and the algorithm, guys, is amazing if it is producing life-giving content. I ran into this, you know, so I have a two-month-old and I'm breastfeeding, and so I wake up usually at one point in the middle of the night to feed her, and then throughout the day I'm feeding her, and I've gotten into the habit of scrolling on social media or watching YouTube videos while I feed her, and it wasn't it didn't start out as a bad habit. Um, I was really encouraged by fitness people and people of the faith, and I would watch YouTube videos that would just the people that I follow on YouTube are very life-giving, and so it didn't start out bad, but you know how the algorithm works. You watch or stay on a post long enough, the algorithm takes out as oh, they want to see more of this, and then it starts flooding you with similar content. Well, they have these movie clips, um, and now that I'm talking about it, I wonder if it's gonna pop up on my feed some more. But they have these movie clips from Grey's Anatomy, all different types of movies, literally, all different types of movies. Well, I started stupidly, I started watching some like sex trafficking with Grey's Anatomy. Um, there's like this one movie called The Lovely Bones that actually I had watched that whenever I was younger, and I hated that movie because a young girl, a man in their neighborhood murders murders a young girl. It's very horrible. So all of these crime, like people breaking into houses, um, videos, uh, kids getting kidnapped. I mean, you get the picture, okay? Um, spouses coming home and their husband's dead, so just a bunch of negative, negative uh content, and it just kept flooding my social media because I kept watching it, and I didn't realize it at the time, but this went on for several days, and I knew like, okay, Carly, you need to stop watching these movie clips because it's just gonna keep giving you that. And if y'all know me, you know, like I have to be very careful what I watch because my mind goes there, and if it's set in like a realistic or contemporary, realistic world, it's possible that it could happen, and my mind just is like, oh my gosh, worry, like what if it happens to our family? All this stuff, okay. So this has happened for several days, and I hit a point the other day, I think it was Saturday night, where I mean, I am like uh so feared, so I don't want to say traumatized, I'm freaking out as we're going to bed. And I've dealt with spiritual warfare before, and so I'm freaking out about oh my gosh, what if witches put a curse on my kids, or what if witches put a curse on our family, or what if witches put a curse on our business, or what if somebody tries to break into our house? Or oh my gosh, what if World War III breaks out because of everything going on in the news? I mean, guys, my mind is racing. What if my husband gets prideful with the business and cheats on me? What if, you know, like I'm I'm literally going, if if you could imagine like every little bad thing? What if my kids get taken in sex trafficking? What if a person wants to babysit them and they sexually abuse them? I mean, like, it just kept going and going and going and going and going. You know, what if we're out in public and someone tries to take our car or steal us or whatever, you know, like it was just terrible. And my mind kept going. What if I have nightmares tonight? Oh my gosh, I have a bad feeling. What if somebody tries to break into our house and steal my daughter? Like, so so much terrible thoughts. Okay, so this is all going through my mind. And I had, guys, for the first time in probably forever. Okay, I don't remember another time of it being this bad, which I will say, and I know I'm kind of going all over the place, I'm in postpartum, and I don't want to use that as an excuse, but that is something that I I need to consider when I'm talking about this topic. I'm two months postpartum. My hormones are going crazy. Um, so even though I need to be careful with what I'm seeing and I need to be careful with my thoughts, I also have to consider, okay, Carly, breathe for a minute. There is this thing called postpartum depression. And I am not saying that I have that at all. I don't think that I have that at all, but I do think that this moment that I hit, if I did not have the Lord and if I did not know what to do moving forward, I think it could have very easily slipped into postpartum depression. And so I say all that to say I was laying in bed at night, it's going through my head, and I remember just me like, God, like I'm ready to go to heaven, like I'm ready for this life to be over. Like they're talking, and and I'm just gonna be real with y'all. Like, I'm gonna be super, super real, okay. I know as Christians, we always need to be prepared for the end times. We always need to be prepared for persecution, for the antichrist, for the mark of the beast, for you know, Christ's second coming, for if someone held us at gunpoint and said, you know, deny Christ or you're gonna die. Like, I understand, I know this is the thing. I know that we should be prepared for that. Scripture clearly says, as Christians, we should be prepared for that, and we should actually count the cost of what that looks like in our lives. But going back to what I said at the beginning when I was talking about getting married and having kids, it gets so much harder for me personally to count the cost the more that things happen in my life, like getting married and having kids. If if I if I was single, getting you know a gun pointed at me, I mean, think about all the stuff that's happening in Nigeria right now. So many Christians are getting murdered, and then you think about the abortion rates, and and then you think about all the stuff that's happening with Islam in our country, with government, you know, people getting elected in our government, and then you look at you know the New York City mayor, and you also look at what's happening in Texas with Frisco and the Dallas area. I mean, again, guys, there's been a lot that my mind has consumed, and it's not, I will say, it is not healthy to consume that all at once, and I am realizing that, but you have to count the cost, and I know that, but having two little girls, like having two babies and a husband, I'm like, how in the world am I supposed to do this? Like, how am I supposed to count the cost? Like, how where where's hope? I feel so despair right now. I don't, I don't feel like I don't feel like there's any good in the world. All I'm seeing is all this evil that's happening, all this division, all this hate on Christians, and I I've you know, I hit a point where I was laying in bed and I was singing to the Lord, Lord, I'm just ready for you to come back. Just come back. Let's go to heaven, let's be in paradise where all of this is over, and I don't have to go through pain. Like I don't have to go through the suffering. I don't want to go through the suffering, and um it's funny. I'm like getting emotional about this, but it's funny because I think the cross, when we say pick up our cross, deny yourself, pick up the pick up your cross and follow me. This is a whole new revelation for me because the cross was a very tormenting, suffering thing, and it's funny because we now wear it, like I have a cross necklace on right now, and we now wear this as like our sign of victory for overcoming death, hell, and the grave, for overcoming evil, but there was a point of suffering that Christ had to go through, like he had to brutally go through the cross in order to get to paradise, and I I just want to skip all that, and I just want to go to paradise, and honestly, I think I think my wanting to go to heaven and and skip all that, I don't think is like a like I know when Paul says like I would rather be I'd rather be with Christ, but Christ has me here on earth, and he was in prison, which is pretty funny, but he's like Christ has me here on earth, and so even though I'd rather be with Christ, I need to take this opportunity to complete and finish the race that he's called me to live. And when I was laying in bed, I pretty much was like, I wanted to quit the race. I wanted to already be at the finish line, I wanted to be in heaven. I just and I don't I don't want that to sound suicidal because I'm not saying I would ever, ever think, you know, do that. I'm just saying, I hope you get what I'm saying. I'm saying that I don't like all of what's happening in the world, and I don't want it to happen to me, I don't want it to happen to my family. I don't want to grieve and have to go through that suffering in this life. Like I don't, and I don't think anybody does. And you know, Jesus didn't even want to go to the cross. Like he's he's so stressed out, he's literally sweating blood in the garden, and he's saying, Lord, if there's any other way, like if there's any other way, please can we do that? Because I don't want to go through this brutal thing. But he says, you know, not my will but yours be done. And he humbles himself and says, I'm still gonna do it even though I don't want to. And it's funny because I will see videos of Christians, and they're going hard about the news and then and stuff that's happening, how we how the church needs to stand up and all the stuff that the church needs to do, and as Christians, what we should do. And I'm like, in the back of my head, I say, okay, like I know you're talking right now about what we should do and how bold we should be and how we should stand up for Christ, but in the back of my head, I wonder, like, are you also, are we also, if we're gonna be that bold with our words and that bold online, are we also in if persecution came and we were held at gunpoint, like, would we still execute as much passion and boldness for Christ as we do online? And I remember waking up the next morning and it's Sunday and we're getting ready for church, and I just I didn't have hope. I was like, I God, I know you're good, and I know that you have a plan for my life, but right now all I'm seeing is the suffering, all I'm seeing is the negative. I I can't I can't see the hope that you have for my life, which is what Jeremiah 29, 11 literally talks about. Because God's people is exiled, they're in a time of suffering where there probably looked like there was no hope, and yet God says, I know the plans I have for you, plans of peace and not warfare, to give you a hope and a future. And he says that verse, that famous verse. And um I just I was like, I have no hope. Like, when is this gonna get better? How is it gonna get better? The only way, you know, in my head rationally, I was thinking that it would get better is like what I said earlier about well, what if I hadn't gotten married? What if I hadn't had kids? This would be a little easier to deal with. Um, so then we go to church and I'm just reminiscing on this all day long. Like, how do I how do I deal with this? And you know, it's funny because I'll I'll give you the answer, but real quick, I want to say this. I do not know how very well known uh people on social media who are Christians. Kudos to y'all. I do not know how you do it. I like I know that this is called the entrepreneur's wife, but like if you are very well known on social media or just the world, I I can't imagine what you go through, especially getting married and having kids. I mean, just the thought of okay, I have kids, we're going here in public, or or they're going to this school or whatever, and just the thought of so many people know me. Like, what if something bad happens? And because that goes through my head of like, okay, our business is growing, this is great, like this is so awesome. But you know, what about our kids? And how do people do it? Who are you know? I think about Nick and Stephanie Bear, and I think, you know, uh the Robinsons, like Sadie and Christian Robinson, well, their last name's Huff, but they aren't afraid to show their kids online, like they they show their kids' faces online, and I've wondered that because I've seen both sides, I've seen both sides argued for why you should, you know, why it's okay versus why it's not okay. And I see, you know, it's funny, I see Tim and Demi Thibault, who, by the way, their foundation is all about helping uh women in sex trafficking and like rescue them and get all that figured out, and yet they they're showing their daughter on social media, and it's like okay, well, if they're literally working in the industry, sorry, my baby had a little bit of a cough, she's asleep right now. But if they're literally working in the industry and they're not afraid to show their kid online, then you know, maybe, maybe it is okay. You know, maybe, maybe I am just freaking out for no reason. And I kind of want to stop rambling, and I just want to get to the point where this morning I, you know, I I also will say guys, I have not like sat down and had my Jesus time in a a good amount of weeks. Like, since having Karsten, it's been very inconsistent. Um, I might read one verse, I I might, you know, journal like one sentence, but I have not sat down like I used to and really like sought the Lord and worshiped and prayed and let meditate on the word day and night, and you know, let it like soak my thoughts and renew my mind and and you know just thank God and listen to his voice. Like I have not done that, and I think that also is a huge proponent into all of this of what I'm experiencing. So you have like the content that you're intaking, you also have the fact that I'm in postpartum, and I'm also taking into consideration the fact that the one light source that gives us joy and the fruits of the spirit and peace, I'm not consuming every day. I'm not getting my daily bread like I should be. And so this morning I was like, I have to, I have to schedule reading the Bible, even if it's one sentence. Because again, guys, I hit a point where I had no hope. Where I was like, what good is there in the world? Like I know God is good, but like other than that, like I I'm just seeing uh I'm just seeing darkness, I'm just seeing evil. And um this morning I opened my Bible and I I felt like God was like, read Psalms three and four. And what's so cool about the Psalms, most of the Psalms. Is it's these poems, it's these songs written, most of them are written by David, who at this point in Psalms 3 and 4 is running for his life. Like people are trying to kill him, his own son, and he's running for his life, and I just I love um Psalms 3. I read Psalms 3 quite a bit, but I love Psalms 3 because it says it starts off by saying, Oh Lord, how many are my foes, how many are my enemies? He says, Many are rising against me. Many are saying, Of my soul, there is no salvation for him in God. And this hit me because this is like saying, There's no hope for you. Like you have so many enemies, you have all these bad things happening. There's no hope for you. Like there's no you God can't can't give you hope. And he he's like actually stating, like, this is the issue that I'm having, and then he says, He says, but he says, but you, oh Lord, are a shield about me, my glory, and the lifter of my head. And when I read that, guys, it was like taking in fresh water, it was like, okay, like, yes, there's all this evil in this world, and I can be so consumed by all of these what ifs, but but God is is protecting me, he's gonna protect our family, he's gonna protect our business, and I'm not saying bad things aren't gonna happen, but what I'm saying is he's he's a lifter of our head. Like he's our hope. Like I was trying to be hopeful and kind of find it in the world subconsciously, and this verse is saying, no, like God Himself is our hope and he lifts your head. And another thing that I kind of talked about um on a reel on social media was I feel like when we're when we're at a point in our life where we're struggling so bad, we just want to quit. And I want to parallel this with a cross country runner in a race. Like you're running multiple miles and you're running through this course, so it's not like a track where you can see the whole thing. You can't see the whole course in cross country, and so you know that there's a finish, like you know, you're the object of the game is to run the course to the finish line. You know there's a finish, but you don't know how far away from the finish you are or how close you are or where it is, right? And the this idea of him being a lifter of our head is like in those really hard moments where my lungs are tired and I'm out of breath, and I want to quit the race. I want to step off to the side. I want to tell my coach, coach, I couldn't do it. It was too hard. You know, I had this happen or this cramped up or whatever. God lifts our head and makes us realize, hey, you're like, don't get stuck in this moment. Like for me, I was I was stuck in that moment, and God's saying, Hey, Carly, like I have more for you. And God is saying, like, this isn't the end. This isn't, you know, the end all be all. And if you think about it, this was the cross. Like, like Hebrews talks about how Christ endured and he set his hope on what was to come for the future that was to come. And you know, I'm realizing as I talk about this that this is so I feel like elementary to say, but like I I didn't know what to do when I was having all those thoughts. It was a moment where I was like, Lord, like I know you're good, and I know that you know you're our hope. But I was like, how do I move past this moment? And I'm realizing that Christ is the example for what we should do in moments of despair like this. Like he would he, you know, said, Lord, I don't want to do this, like, but not my will be done, your will be done. I don't want to go to the cross, I don't want to suffer. But even in his suffering, it talks about how he just kept his focus on the future. He kept his focus on the Lord and what was gonna come from him, you know, pursuing the cross. Like he kept the end in mind, if you will, and the goal of why he was doing what he was doing instead of getting stuck in that rut, in that ditch, he lifted his head and he realized there's more to come. And I just think when we when we lose hope and we're in this moment of all these things are consuming us, and we fix our mind on that moment. I think it's so hard for us to actually move past it. Because honestly, guys, there's no hope. Like, you're like, there's no hope. I I'm stuck in this and I don't know how to get out of it. And um, it just goes on to say, I cried aloud to the Lord and he answered me from his holy hill. I love this next part because it says, I lay down and slept, I woke again, for the Lord sustained me. I will not be afraid of many thousands of people who have set themselves against me all around. And then later on it says, Salvation belongs to the Lord. So, you know, it it's I love that what David's saying because he's saying, like, I I laid down and slept and I awoke again, and the Lord had a plan for me. And I think whenever I was consuming all of those thoughts and just that content, and just my mind was just racing with worry, I was forgetting the promises of God. I was forgetting, you know, even if bad things happen, he has a plan for my daughters. Like he has a plan for our marriage, he has a plan for our business, he has a plan for the life that we're in. And and my only job is to acknowledge that and to say yes to it and to align myself with his plan and to keep saying yes to his plan. And no matter what happens, as long as I keep him in the forefront of my mind and keep him in front of me and focus on that, I'm gonna have hope. Like it's it's gonna be okay, and I'm not gonna totally fall into despair. And I just I I just wanted to encourage you with that because again, you know, just all everything that's happened with the attempts to kill President Trump and the death of Charlie Kirk and just you know, these these school shootings and just all this stuff that's happening. Um again, it can be so easy to say, to throw in the towel, put your hands up and say, Lord, I give up. Throw in the white flag. And I I want us to endure. Like I want us to uh prosper. I want us to um keep our eyes on the Lord, and you know, something that I realize is like the enemy wants us to live in a state of despair because something that I've realized is if I don't have hope, I will not move forward to advance God's kingdom. And the enemy does not want that, he wants us to be hopeless. You know, if you read the screw tape letters, it's actually really interesting because screw tape, who is this older demon, is writing to a younger demon in training, and he says to the older demon, or he says to the younger demon, the issue is not calling yourself a Christian, the issue is not going to church, like the issue is not carrying these, if you will, Christ-like uh qualities, the issue is when they actually start doing and walking them out, and so if we can get them in a state where either they're distracted or you know, they're busy doing other stuff or they have no hope, if we can get them in a state where they're not doing and they're not helping advance God's kingdom and they're not growing closer to the Lord, if we can get them in that state where they're just stagnant, they're kind of slothful and lazy. Um if we can keep them from walking out the Christian faith and having hope in God, then we can keep them from advancing God's kingdom. And, you know, there they're again, it was like I was looking at all of these physical things. I was looking at all these physical negatives, and I was forgetting the power that comes with the Lord. I was forgetting the power of prayer, the power of the Holy Spirit, the power of declarations, the power of worship, the power of reading God's word. Like I totally forgot those things, and I was just basically throwing my hands up and saying, Lord, there's nothing. The only the only solution is us going to heaven, but there's nothing we can do now on earth to try to fix this or solve this or make this better. And I don't think that that's a right outlook that we should have. Um, the last thing I want to end on is Psalms 4. Psalms 4, I feel like is a continuation to Psalms 3. Psalms 3 is really about just that desperation and that moment of despair that David's in. And then Psalms 4 is really like what he does about it. And he talks about putting your trust in the Lord, how when we call out to the Lord, how he will answer us, how he's always by the righteous side. And I love the ending of this chapter, this Psalms 4, because it says, in peace. Well, I'm gonna start with the verse above that. It actually says, You talking to the Lord, you have put more joy in my heart than they have when their grain and wine abound. I love that because when you when you're hopeless, you're not joyful. And it's saying God put more joy in David's heart than even his enemies did when there was plenty of food and they were they were happy, go lucky, and they were cheering. The real joy actually came from the Lord. And then he says, In peace I will both lie down and sleep. For you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety. And I love that because it's a promise from the Lord. And my biggest encouragement as we end this episode is declarations, scripture declarations. That's one thing that I realized and have always realized since I learned about this in college, is that when you're going through something, whether it's anxiety or overcoming an addiction or your marriage or you know, this being hopeless and having despair, you need to find scripture that combats that, that speaks God's promises and combats that particular topic. And you need to, you know, I type them on a word document and usually print it out. You can just write it down on a blank sheet of paper or notebook paper, and you need to pin it up on your mirror or something that you look at every day. And you need to look at those verses, and you need to pray at those verses and say, Lord, I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Lord, you have a plan that has a hope and a future for our lives. Lord, you say in peace, I will lie down and I will sleep, for you make me dwell in safety, you know, and just declaring and praying these verses over us, and things will change, your mindset will change. Um, yeah, I mean, that's pretty much all that I had. I I wanna I want to pray us out, but I just want to encourage you, just be careful of the content that you're intaking because again, this started out so innocent and just escalated so quickly. And um, so you know, just be praying for watchful eyes um that are aware of what is giving you life and what is building you down, and you know, understanding that these are gonna affect your beliefs, your thoughts, and it's so important, like in the book of Joshua, it's so important to meditate on God's word day and night. So I'm gonna pray this out and then we're gonna go. But dear Lord, I just thank you so much for these listeners. I hope that this message made sense and was encouraging. I just pray that they, you know, sit down and find scripture, they figure out what is my struggle, what's keeping me from growing closer to Christ. Um, and then you know, uh once you reveal that, Lord, I I I pray that they just declare scripture, they meditate on the word day and night, that um they lift their head up and they they cry out to you. It's my biggest thing. That they you you said, My people who are called by my name, if they humble themselves and seek my face, then I will heal their land. And so I just I just pray that over us that we would be the ones who humble ourselves and seek your face so that you can come and heal the land. Um we love you, Lord. I pray for this podcast that you bless it, that you bless the listeners. Um, and that one day maybe we start making money from the podcast and a little bit of income. So but thank you so much for this opportunity. And I just pray everyone has a great day and we just live in hope. In Jesus' name. Amen.