Sinner Raised by Ministers | Amonte's Testimony

Amonte is a man who was raised in a house of ministers, yet he grappled with trusting in the Lord. Although he struggled with some underlying traumatic experiences from his childhood, he was able to find healing through the Lord. God moved in his life, navigating him through several trials & tribulations which led him to Medical School. He now leads Bible studies, has a faith based clothing company & has fully surrendered his life to the Lord. Similar to Jonah, we serve the God of second chances.  

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00:00 Intro  
02:43 Testimony  
15:13 Jesus Is My Stylist  
17:50 Earliest Memory of God Moving in your life?  
22:13 How did God confirm that He’s got your back?  
27:07 As a pastor’s kid, what are your thoughts on the stereotype and how did you avoid it?  
29:16 How did you persevere with your relationship with God while dealing with your thorn?  
33:28 Have you struggled with unforgiveness?  
37:15 What do you wish you knew about God when you were younger?  
39:04 When did you realize that Jesus was your firm foundation?  
43:21 What would you tell a believer who struggles with unworthiness?  
50:57 How important is it to be obedient and equally yoked in a relationship?  
01:08:32 What is your one message for the world?

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 Credits:
     Music:  Adrenaline by #soundridemusic 
     Link to Video:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K1twNzIqBfY&list=PLKXtr1txsTzYDnWhw-Py9IdVSOzoEHloZ&index=7 

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:00

This is my first time really telling this. I've always struggled with sexual immorality. And I feel like that's always been what my whole relationship with God focused on was me always falling short to that. Yeah, I don't know where I'm gonna go. Like as far as heaven or whatever. I don't know where I'm gonna go. The Holy Spirit taught me there's a lot, I think, in my childhood that I hadn't really dealt with. As a kid, I was sexually abused. He heals that too. You know what I mean? Whatever that is, like he heals that too. Yo, you do not understand how much God loves you. Take what you think and multiply your times a hundred or a million. It's that much. I do I want to give him all the glory.

SPEAKER_01 0:44

What's up guys, and welcome to the Mount Testimonies. So, what's your name?

SPEAKER_03 0:49

My name is Amate Simmons.

SPEAKER_01 0:52

And how old are you, Monte?

SPEAKER_03 0:53

25.

SPEAKER_00 0:56

25 years old. So, in those 25 years, how long have you been walking with the Lord?

SPEAKER_03 1:03

Uh I want to say all 25 because I feel like you know he was always always with me, whether I acknowledge it or not. Um But I s I say when I first looked up and realized, like, oh god, there you are. Um I think I was pretty young. I I wanna say like I wanna say middle school, honestly.

SPEAKER_00 1:27

Alright, so what has the Lord revealed to you recently?

SPEAKER_03 1:34

Um I think the most recent thing that God's been revealing to me is that I am a kid, like I am a child. Um I'm his child, and really just as any other child, um any other infant, like I am completely dependent on him. Like I need him for everything. And I think I used to think that maturing and like becoming this adult meant that like, oh, I got it. Heck, I got it, I got it, I got it. And I'm like, no, I do not have it, I never have it, I never know what I'm doing, father. I need you every second of the day. Um, and a big part of that takes humbling myself. I think being a kid is pretty humbling. Like, go to your parents for everything. Like, I need you to clothe me, I need you to feed me, like I what do I eat today? Can I have this snack? Can I can I do this? Can I go outside and chill with my friends? Like, and so I think God is teaching me just to remember that I am a kid and a child, as I even though I continue to grow old physically and just to continue, like, you know, have that humble heart um as a kid. So yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:40

Well said, well said. So share your testimony.

SPEAKER_03 2:46

Okay. Um this is probably like the first time that I'm actually like I've shared it with people like individually, but I think publicly. Um, I think to this extent, I'm probably the first time. Um, so you gotta bear it with me, cuz I don't know, you know, grace, grace, grace. Um I feel like I would love to start at like I was a kid and this happened and this happened, and then I found, but that is not how it happened for me. I think I think it's more so as I look back, I kind of see all the ways that God has been moving in my life. Um, and I feel like it's like that a lot of the time. So I'm gonna kind of I guess take uh on a journey with me a little bit, you know, just looking back and then you know, but I think so there was this this this day, right? Um where I was having a really hard time, I think, this this whole week, the whole week, honestly. Um, but there was one particular day where I was on the phone with a friend, and I'm trying to be a friend and like be there for her and help her and all that kind of stuff, and she was talking about how she was like sexually abused or whatever. Um, and I don't know what it was, but I got so upset like at her. I didn't really understand the emotion, but I was kind of like, why are we why are we talking about that? Let's change the subject, like let's like why are we like you know, um, and then I realized or I realized I think the Holy Spirit kind of reminded me or taught me, however you want to say it, that I I think in that moment the reason why I was so upset and so um thrown away by that conversation was because there's a lot I think in my childhood that I I haven't really dealt with. Um and as a kid I was as a kid I was sexually abused, um and I think I've I ignored it or was like nah that that ain't happening. Like, you know what I mean? Like it wasn't it wasn't what I thought it was. I'm tripping, I'm cool. Um but I've always struggled with like sexual immorality, whether it whether it be lust, fornication, porn, that was something I always struggle with, always struggle with. And again, I I said in the beginning how like I always felt since a young, my both my parents are ministers, so I've always been around the church, you know what I mean? So since a young kid, I knew to pray before the test. That's how my parents taught me, you know what I mean? Like I knew I'm Jesus Christ is like I was a, you know what I mean? I've always knew that. I've always knew it was him. Um but since a kid, I've also always struggled with porn, fornication, lust, like, and so it were kind of like multiple times where uh I was sexually abused, ironically enough, both by family members. Um and I think again, this is me 25 looking back, trying to figure out all this stuff. Um but I'm at this point now where 20 25, 24, and I'm like, God, I I've been me and you've been I've been close with you for the past like couple years now. Like I've been reading my Bible more, I've been learning, like why am I still struggling with this thorn if it was like in my side? Like you got me leading Bible study, you got me doing all this stuff, you got me like why am I still struggling with this thing? Um and I'm waiting for you to to hear me deliver me, like I'm trying like what is it? Um and so I think when you ask me like what's my testimony, um I think about I think about struggling a lot with uh a lot with that. Um and it brings so much guilt, I think, as a young kid, I think I struggle with that kind of guilt and shame because again, you know, you brought up in a church and you know, like, okay, this is not and I remember being like 10. Um, and it's funny because you know they used to always say in church, like, you know, God gives second chances. And I'm a kid, so um, when I would mess up and have sex, and I started having sex at a very young age. Um I started having started having sex. I lost my Virginia at like 13, and even before that, I was you know doing stuff with girls, and so when they used to always say, you know, God gives second chances, after messing up so many times at the age of 10, I would be like, I don't ran out of my second chance. Like I don't, they only said second. They never say third, fourth, fifth, and tenth. Um and so I dealt a lot with uh shame and like guilt and condemnation and just you know never feeling you know never feeling like never feeling like enough, I think. Um for him or for anybody um and so I always had to like I always felt like I had to work for everything. Like I I'm gonna try my best at school, you know, because if I work and get this grade and get this A, then I'm you know, deserving, and I'm working and I'm smart, and yes, I you know it's it's I am enough, you know, or you know, I'm gonna try my best in this relationship to please this girl because you know, then if I can make her happy, then yeah, I knew I was loved and I knew I was deserving. Um and so I dealt a lot, I think, with that. Um and it wasn't until recently that you know God kinda had to I guess work on me with that and you know teach me what it is to accept his love, um, teach me what his love is. Um and so so dealing with that as a kid um and for a long time that's always been like my biggest thorn or my biggest struggle. Um and it felt like that's always been like what my whole relationship, like what God focused on was me always falling short to that. Um and you know, with God bringing me through school and continually blessing me. Um you know, I always knew that he was with me, but I I think just trying to understand his love. Um, and so you know, fast forward from being a kid, struggling with like that kind of guilt and condemnation and shame and figuring out all that kind of stuff. Um the first time, you know, talk about really looking up and realizing like, whoa, like, you know, like God, I want to learn more about you. It we started in college where I was studying for this MCAT test. And um and the MCAT is this test that you take to get into medical school, and it was such a hard test. And I remember just being like, yo, I don't know. I really want to, I feel like God wants me to be a doctor. I don't know. Like, so God, like, I'ma I'ma come to you if you just like let me try you, you know what I mean? Like, help me get through this mountain. Like, and that was my first time really like sitting down, opening the Bible, and saying to myself, I'm gonna read the Bible. And that was in 2021, I wanna say. Um, so since 2021, I've been kind of like, you know, I would love to say, hopefully, you know, God agrees, faithfully trying to walk with him since then and really like trying to get to know him more and you know, be just be at his feet. Um and since then he's done nothing but but guide me and protect me um and show up for me. Um and I think the last part of my testament that I want to make sure um I do I want to give him all the glory. I think another part that from being sexually abused that I struggle with and not struggle with in the sense of just I think another thing that runs in my family and that I always saw was homosexuality a lot and it was always something where I think I s saw a lot and never like never never did anything or or experimented or nothing like that, but it was always something that was around me since a kid. Um was always something that I had like questions about since a kid. Like why it like like what is that? Why is that? Um and I think that has also been something that you know God has healed me from, like just the the mental thought, I think, or the that side of it, um, or being confused as a kid, um, and trying to navigate through those feelings and emotions um, you know, from being sexually abused. And so I think that's always something that uh when I think about my testimony and all that God has done, um, that's something that comes up too. Um and I wanted to, like this is my first time really, I think, telling this, um, but as I'm thinking about it and trying to ask God, like, okay, like what am I, you know. Um, that was something that I wanted to make sure I say because I didn't want, I wanted the other person on in the screen to also know that like he heals that too. You know what I mean? Whatever that is, like he heals that too. Um so yeah, I think that's I think that's my testimony.

SPEAKER_01 14:03

Just wow. That's such a powerful testimony. And I really like how you mentioned the thorn in your flesh because I kid you not, I read that today in Second Corinthians during my private time. And so I pulled up some verses actually, 2 Corinthians chapter 12, verses 7 through 9. Therefore, in order to keep me from being conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

SPEAKER_00 14:52

So I'm I'm glad he set it up to nine, but I'm gonna include ten as well. I think it's gonna be just as powerful. Honestly, I feel like it like closes it very beautifully. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses and insults and hardships and persecutions and difficulties for when I'm weak, then I am strong.

SPEAKER_03 15:14

Yeah, I feel like you know that's something that is I didn't realize, you know, and I didn't see until after you know what I mean, after just how big his grace is, and you know, it's funny because um it's funny because when I was like that day when I was talking to that girl and like realizing had that kind of like epiphany where God reminded me of all that stuff that happened as a kid, um, God kept saying, God kept saying, like, or I kept hearing, like, Jesus is my stylist. And mind you, that's just that's a shirt, right? And I had I had made that shirt a long time ago. When I made the shirt, I had the idea of the shirt, I was not like, ooh, my testimony, Jesus is my stylist. I was just cool saying, like, that's not fine, father. I'm gonna put on that shirt. Like, and so here I'm having this breakdown crying, and in my ear, I'm hearing Jesus my stylist. And I'm like, I'm like, God, why you talking about the shirt right now? I ain't trying to work on the shirt, father. Like, I'm like struggling right now. And he's like, no, no, no, like, like I'm your I'm your stylist. Like, ever since since you were a kid, I've been watching over you and and I've been with you. And all these moments in your life that you see as mistakes, as failures and weaknesses, like I I put there. Like it wasn't like I'm we I'm your stylist, I'm weaving everything together, and you see these knots, but really I see a beautiful tapestry that I'm making now. I'm gonna show the world and say, look what I can look what I can put together, even through all that. Um, and so that's all. Uh so yeah, this is the this is my stylist and the verse on the back of it. Um, and yeah, and then the verses in Matthew, he's talking about like, you know, if I dress the lilies, you know, and even Solomon, he ain't as fly as the lilies. You know what I mean? Like Lily's flyer than Solomon. You think I ain't gonna take care of you? Like, why are you worrying about anything? In the front, it says, let go, let go, because why are you worrying? Let go and give it to God. Um, thank you, bro. And then again, even that it was a sign that like that came in pieces and parts, and like looking back, you know, God like speaking to me in a little bit. So talk about, you know, his gracious sufficient, he's always working and has a plan. Um that's actually, you know, where that I think part of why that shirt means so much to me.

SPEAKER_01 17:50

So during your testimony, you mentioned how there were some ways that the Lord moved in your life when you were younger. So, what's the earliest recollection of the Lord moving in your life?

SPEAKER_03 18:07

I remember I remember a lot from my childhood. Not a lot. I think I remember enough from my childhood. Uh like sometimes where I surprised my mom when they're like, you remember that? And I'm like, yeah, yeah, I'm like, I remember being here. Um but I think the one memory that specifically I'm reminded of when it comes to God, like being there or in the midst, I think was I think it was when my grandfather died. Um I wanna say was around 2011. 11. So I was probably like 1112 by then. Um and I remember Okay, now back I rem I back up, maybe I remember my grandfather, like, he's a real big painter. He could paint, bro, could really paint, like draw, like crazy. He used to watch, he used to watch, oh, what's that guy's name? He's Bob Ross. He used to watch Bob Ross, and I used to watch him watch Bob Ross, like, like, and he would, you know, everything he would Bob Ross would do, he would do, like, and it looked the same like TV. I'm like, oh, that's crazy how talented you are. I ain't got that talent, but I used to watch from afar, like, oh, that's fire. Um and my grandfather, he I believe he believed in Christ. Um, but he had cancer, uh colon cancer. Um, and I think he knew his time was gonna be short, that he would go soon. Um and I remember two things something about him. I remember him we were talking about something, and him telling me like, you know, something, something, yeah. I don't know where I'm gonna go. Like as far as heaven or whatever, I don't I don't know where I'm gonna go. And and I'm a kid, so I'm just like I'm laughing because I don't think I said anything. I think I was just like, alright, like he's he's tripping today. Um and so like but I remember that because that was the first time I think I was like, heaven, like like, oh yeah, like I don't know, it's just something that I remember. Um I think the second thing I remember is when he passed. Um I remember crying and being sad. And I remember I remember crying and being sad and having questions and asking God like why, you know, all those things that kids that young kids asked at that time. And I remember listening to um Taken to the King by Tamil Man, and it was I don't know why, but again, I knew Christ. I like I knew who he was, and my family was always true. I always knew like 10. And so I just remember listening to that song and crying and being comforted. Like even though I couldn't describe it, I just remember being comforted, like someone was hugging me or like drying my tears. Um and I think that was the first time where I like I think that was the first time where I kind of like leaned on God or like felt that hug from him um at a young age. See, that's probably my earliest recollection of like a guy in my life.

SPEAKER_00 21:42

Alright, since uh Well, first of all, that was beautiful.

SPEAKER_01 21:48

I like how you mentioned when your uncle was watching Bob Ross and you were watching your uncle, the first thing that came to mind was, and Christ was watching over you.

SPEAKER_00 22:03

Since we're on the topic of uh recollecting memories, um when you started taking a walk with God seriously in 2021, how did he confirm for you that he's got your back? That's a good question.

SPEAKER_03 22:21

I think I think as a student, a lot of me seeing God move is always like what he's confirming on my back a million, million, million ways. Um, but I think the ways that I always focus on is in my academics, that's always something I worry about so much, you know what I mean? Like, am I studying enough? Am I gonna pass this test? Am I gonna do that? You know what I mean? Like, always like like worried about that aspect of it. So, because I'm focusing on that aspect. I see gotta move a lot more in that aspect, but I'm sure there's a many, many more different ways that God showed up for me, whether it be, you know, providing for my parents, um, protecting me, um, and guiding me. But I think when I started taking Christ seriously, the biggest moment that I was like, yo, like, that was God. Like, like that was yeah, he heard my prayer, he's like, okay, I'm about to really, you know, was in studying for the MCAT. I um I started and studying and studying and studying. And the program that I was studying for, they had this uh like pipeline thing where if you were with them for a certain number of years, they would just accept you into medical school, no interview, no MCAT, interview, but no MCAT. Just we like you, you hear it. You don't gotta do nothing else, guaranteed. And I'm like, yo, I want that. And so working my working my butt off for those three years in the program, trying to, you know, trying my best. And I was always cool with the people. So in my head, I'm like, I'm getting, I'm getting the spot. They're gonna choose me. Yeah, it's over. Come to find out, they don't even choose me. So I'm heated. I'm like, well, I'm like, oh, they're so disrespectful, like they not gonna excuse me. They're gonna tell me I'm the best, that they love me, and they didn't even choose me. So I'm in my head, like, you know what, forget them. I'm gonna go to a better medical school, I'm gonna do all that, and I'm gonna show them that they should have chosen me. Um so ended up studying for the MCAT, right? Remember, I'm like, God, help me do this MCAT. The highest you can get on the MCAT is like 516, something like that. It's gonna miss out to the MCAT. Um, and I got like a 504, which is okay. It's not like it's not bad, it's not poor, but it's not like ooh, it's like okay, 504, okay, cool, cool, cool, cool. Um and it's always crazy when I think about saying that and I say it out loud. Usually as a medical student, you're supposed to apply to like they tell you at least to apply to as many medical schools as possible, you know, because you want to increase your chances of getting into school. Medical school is competitive, it's hard. Um and I remember being like, nah, like I just feel like I feel like I know where God wants me to be. Um And so I only applied to like five medical schools, I only passed to five. And again, my school's only in 504. So it wasn't like it was a crazy, you know what I mean, where I could walk in like confident, but I remember being like, God, and this is the first time where I'm really like, for this big mountain in front of me, like, God, I'm gonna trust you. I'm gonna trust you, and I'm gonna see wait to see you move. And so I applied to only five medical schools, I got interviews for two. Um, and once I got the interview for the school that I knew God was gonna, I knew he was gonna get me in, I've like, I declined the interview for the other school. I'm like, I don't even need y'all. I know what God wants me, keep it, keep it. Um by God's grace, I ended up getting accepted into that medical school. So I think that was um just such a moment where I'm like, yo, God, you really be moving, like you really got the power, like you got the juice for sure, for sure. Ain't nobody else. Like, because how you do that? Like, low, low MCAT score, I didn't have the best resume, I didn't have the highest GPA, like I wasn't the um, you know, and I remember when I got accepted to miracle school, I remember crying in the shower, and the only thing I can say was like like better men than me. Because I got there are there are better men than me. Like, I don't deserve this. There are better men than me, like better men than me. Like there is like, you know, but yet it's still your grace and your blessing. So that's the first time we saw God move. I had to take him seriously.

SPEAKER_01 26:48

And I think that right there serves as a great testament of your humility right there. And as you were saying that, it made me think of 2 Corinthians 5, 7. For we live by faith, not by sight.

SPEAKER_02 27:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:06

So growing up in a Christian household, especially with your parents as ministers, what have you heard about pastors' kids and how and how were you able to break that molding? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 27:19

You know what's crazy? I don't know. I don't know if I've I've I've heard that like pastors' kids have it very tough. Um I don't know. I feel like my my parents weren't too like unless I'm just so like you ever be like, I guess just so much trying to think is normal. To me, I'm like, I was chilling. But they were they were they were cool. I mean, I think they were cool. They were fine. I mean, I would go to church, um, and my parents are young too. So they were ministers young. My mom had me when she was 18. Um So when they became ministers, they were in their early 30s. So they were still very young ministers. And so I think that um they weren't too like strict or overbearing. My dad was real cool, you know, he was never too strict and nothing like that. Um I think as just as a uh first oldest of three siblings of two younger siblings, uh, and being a boy, they always was like easy on me. So I was able to kind of do what I want, go wherever I want, and like nothing like that. Um so funny enough, I didn't really have it bad as a minister's kid. Um yeah, I really didn't have it that bad. I'm trying to think of something like that they did that would have got me mad, but um nah, I don't know. They was pretty chill with me. So, but shout out to my pastors. I've heard I got it tough, and I'm praying for you. I'm praying for you for sure, for sure.

SPEAKER_00 29:00

Well, glory to God for that. So something that kind of stuck out to me in your testimony, and I feel like this will help out a lot of people. How did you persevere in your relationship with God while waiting to be delivered from your thorn? Yeah. Yeah, that's a great question.

SPEAKER_03 29:29

That's a great question. Um I think honestly. I don't know. I I think it was just like I wanna make sure I characterize it right, because I don't wanna give off the wrong impression. I think I'll tell you what it wasn't and then maybe that'll help me figure it out. Um it wasn't like say maybe it was so I think what made me persevere was one, I was like, like God, where else am I gonna go? Like there's no like like you know what I mean? Like I am like I'm yours. Like where else is like I can't, I can't go, I can't go nowhere else, Father. Like, you know what I mean? Like I'ma I'ma stay right here, you know? Um, and I would pray, you know, God forgive me, you know, and all those things. And um and it wasn't and trust trust me when I say it would be like days of guilt, shame, condemnation, you know what I mean? And like just in a slump and going through it and feeling like God's done with me. No, I messed up too many times, like that, like no, that he can't be still wanting me. Like, and and then he would just like pick pick me up, you know what I mean? Like, I I I I wish I wish I could be like I wish I could be like, you know, I was in those moments and um a friend or something like that said a real good Bible verse to me and reminded me, or like I had a you know what I mean, but it was just like I would go through it, I would fall, and I would be really, and then I think I really was just like, God, but like I I can't go nowhere else. And I do love you, I do care. Like, so I'm gonna keep trying. I think it was that. I think it was that. It was the I'm gonna keep I have to keep trying. Because I I do love you and I do care. Um and I and and I I do want to get over this thing. And I believe that that you can. I believe that you can. Like, you know, and so it was always just I'm gonna keep trying. I'm gonna keep trying. And I I think maybe in the back of my head I had this, I don't say hope. I'm gonna say hope. I think I had this hope, like, okay, it can't be forever. Like, yeah, it can't be forever. Um, and so I'm gonna get up and I'm gonna try, um, and I'm gonna keep trying. Um And whenever I did run back, it was always, he always had open arms. You know what I mean? It was never like a I always made it harder for myself in my own head. You know what I mean? Like I made, I made myself an enemy in my head. It was never something where God was, it was always God. Like, now I'm like, I'm right here. Like, I think of the story of the product with some where God like meets him on the road. Like that was always the case. God was always like, I'm right here where you left me. I ain't go nowhere. Like I'm all you gotta, you know what I mean? Like I'm I'm meeting, matter of fact, forget meeting you. I'm about to go get that, you know what I mean? I'm gonna pull you back up. And I I don't know how he would pull me back up, but um I will wake up the next day and be like, Alright, you went, I'm still here. So you must say give up on me yet. Um so I'm gonna keep I'm gonna keep trying. I'm gonna keep trying.

SPEAKER_01 33:23

The Lord is always faithful. So have you dealt with unforgiveness? It's a common struggle amongst many Christians.

SPEAKER_03 33:36

Yeah, for sure. Um Yeah, I think I think the biggest person in my life who I struggle with when it comes to not forgiving them, so I don't think my dad. Um again, my parents had me very young, and I'm a mama's boy, if you couldn't tell that already. Um and so I've always been up under my mom. You know what I mean? When my mom had me at 18 and my father was young, 18, you know what I mean? He he not in the picture. I'm with my mom. I'm staying with my mom and my grandmother. Um, and so I've always like watched. I've always I've always watched how my dad treated my mom, you know, as a young kid, though he's 18, you know what I mean, with the kids. So like it I've always been like on my mom's side, like, you know, of that kind of perspective of it and seeing, you know, them go through certain things or whatever. Um and my dad struggled with like infidelity um early on and even like you know, I think when they got married. So I think watching that as a kid, I struggle with forgiving him because I always have this kind of animosity towards him. Um like just animosity because that's my mom, you know what I mean? And um, and again, my mom is boy, I've been wa, you know, been with her since she was a kid, when I was a kid. So it's kind of like even when she forgave him, I didn't, you know what I mean? So he's always been in my life, thank God. But it was always this distance between us. Because I've always felt like I don't know, it was always just this distance because I haven't forgiven him, I hadn't forgave him. Um I think me not forgiving my dad, you know, played a lot, played a big part when it came to all the things that I was struggling with. You talk about like, you know, just having low self-esteem and not accepting love and all that kind of stuff, because it was always something where I would question, like, I, like, yeah, you had whatever problem with my mom, but why wasn't me and my siblings enough to make you stay? You know what I mean? Like, again, talk about trying to feel like I'm worthy enough. Like, why why wasn't I enough to make you to make you be loyal, make you be committed? Like, and then that also led to kind of the animosity of like, all right, well, forget it then. You know what I mean? Like, I don't, you know. Um, but I think that also led to a lot of like low self-esteem issues and like just for having to always overwork or feel like I have to work for God's love too, and feel like I have to prove something to him to prove that I was worthy enough to be his child or be his kid. Um, and so I think I think he was is probably the the main person that comes to mind when it comes to unforgiveness. And I think it took me a while, and it's still something that I have to work on, like just remind thinking about how I treat him, you know what I mean? Like, am I talking to him a certain way? Am I talking to him? And I catch myself being a little rough with him, and it's funny because he'll be like, Dad, what I do? And in my head, I'm like, he really ain't do nothing. So, like, you know, but it's I think it's still that little kid in me that's like, you know what I mean, but um, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 37:16

What do you wish you knew about God when you were younger?

SPEAKER_03 37:27

What do I wish I knew about God when I was younger? I think it's funny because we were talking about this, and I feel like it's I feel like it's still I feel like it wouldn't do what I think it's gonna do, but I would still say it. I'd be like, yo, you do not understand how much God loves you. Like, yeah, like you don't understand. Like, take what you think and multiply your times a hundred, like, or a million, like it's that much. Like, I wish I understood a little bit more just how big his grace and his love was, and just how much he cared and how he's always there, and that he's never really like I I think the love part, I think I wish I understood more about how much he loves me. Um because it took me a long, it wasn't until recently that I really started accepting his love. That's a big part about being Christian. It's ex that's one of the biggest parts, it's accepting this love that we don't deserve and I'm not worthy for, but accept, because God is love. It's accepting that love so that you can love others, right? With and love him. Like you can't, you can't you can't give that. It's not something of your own. Only He is love. You have to get that from Him. Um, and until you receive that love or start to accept that love more and more, um, it becomes so hard to do other things, other things that He has for us to do. Um and so yeah, I think I think uh how how big God's love is is something that I wish I understood a little bit more when I was a kid.

SPEAKER_01 39:04

So when the devil attacks us, right, he can only attack us down to our foundation. That's why it's important that we make Christ our firm foundation. So at what point did you realize Christ was your firm foundation?

SPEAKER_02 39:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 39:29

I think I realized he was my firm foundation. I think every day he reminds me that he's my firm foundation. You know what I mean? Like I think I think in every I think it's kind of like piece by piece, I'm kind of like reminded or I get reaffirmed or reassured or added a little like man like you, it's you, you know what I mean? And like today I today I have this understanding of how much he's my firm foundation, and tomorrow or a month from now, I'm gonna have even more understanding of how much he's a firm foundation just because of the experiences and times that I trust him or whatever. But I think honestly, I I think one of the earliest times was back to that that that test, like, you know, of just how I was able to depend on him and trust in him. Um he truly is, you know, that firm foundation. And I was talking to some friends recently about I think one of the greatest things that I love about God is how like how dependable he truly is firm, solid rock. It's this verse that goes like he is my solid rock, um, my shield. Like there's a song singing in my head, it's like the rock on which I stand when everything around me is shaking. Um so yeah, I I think back to I think back to that test, honestly.

SPEAKER_00 40:56

Yeah, we often forget. We can't lean on anything but him. And just like you said, if if he's not your firm foundation, then that means w whatever else you use to replace him is just saying it's just gonna just crumble before your feet.

SPEAKER_03 41:17

Yeah. Liter no, literally. And talking about things come, I feel like when I was struggling, because like getting trying to get to the root of why I was struggling with all those things, like the porn, the lesson fornication, like it was the sexual abuse, and it was the guilt and shame. Um, and a lot of it was that low self-esteem and insecurity at the bottom of the world. I'm looking for something to fill me or to fill me up. And it kind of brought me in this cycle of you know, I ran to that. I ran to sex with multiple girls or whatever when I was when I was lonely, when I was upset, when I was sad, whenever I ran to that, and it did nothing for me. Like it was never enough. Um, or I would try to run to my favorite foods and it would be cool for the first 10 minutes, but then after that, I'm like, dad. Like I it still ain't filled that hole in my heart. Um and that's why I think accepting his love is so important and realizing how much he loves you is so important, is because he he fills that hole. He's like, yo, I want to fill that hole so badly if you just let me. Like, I'm the only thing that can fill that hole. And I think it took me running to all those different things and realizing, like, man, ain't none of them do it. Like when I was lonely and I thought I thought I wanted sex and it really wasn't sex. I wanted love and I want somebody to hold me and comfort me. And and you know, I but I thought it was that that I wanted. Um I was sad and upset and I thought I thought all I really needed was my favorite movie, give me a good meal, ice cream, some pieces, I'm gonna be s it's like dad, even even when it's done, I'm still having that feeling inside, you know what I mean? So it's kind of like I think I'm just reminded um that he's all I need, you know, um, and that whatever it is I'm looking for, it's in him. Uh, and that he fills every hole and that there is no hole that's too big for him. Um But yeah.

SPEAKER_00 43:17

That actually is a great transition to my next question. What would you tell another Christian that's dealing with the feeling of unworthiness?

SPEAKER_03 43:29

That's a good question. I think I would I think I would take them back to one of my favorite psalms, and it's Psalm 139. Um it's a great song. It's a great actually, and there's a s there's a song about it too. It's actually a great song too. But in summary, you know, the psalm is kind of like My favorite part about the psalm is he says, you know, where can I go from your spirit? You know, if I ascend to the heavens, you are there. When I ascend to the depths, you are there. There's nowhere I can go. And that was comforting to me too when I had those low moments. Then the other part that helps me in the unworthiness aspect of it is, you know, he talks in that song, it talks about like us being wonderfully made and complex made. And like God like knows the number of hairs on your head. And he's like, it was so cool to me because he in the psalm is like, yo, think about all the beach on the sand. Think about all the sand on the beach. Thank you, God. Think about all the sand on the beach. And and then God is like, the psalmist is like, yo, as many, as much as that is, I think about you more than that. You know what I mean? Like, all the specks of sand on the beach, I think about you a million times. Those are my thoughts towards you. You're constantly on my mind. There's not a second that goes by where I'm not thinking about you. And you are my creation. You are my child. Like I like I look at you and I like, you know what I mean? Like, and even more so because you are one with Christ. I look at you and I don't see your sins, but it's his blood that covers you. And so you are holy and righteous in my sight. Um, because of your faith and because his blood covers you. And you are my creation. And there's another verse in Ephesians where it says, like, you are God's masterpiece. Like, you know what I mean? Like, I want you to think about God, think about all the things that He's made and created, and everything from His hands are good. You are that. Like, another psalm that talks about like who am I that He's made me a little a little lower than the angels and given me dominion and power. Like, you truly are worth so much more than what you think. And God loves you so much more than what you think. Um, and He is not upset with you, He's not beefing, which is really us who make ourselves enemies in our in our mind. This verse in Romans that says that, like, you know, we made ourselves enemies in our mind because of sin where we think, you know, because of our sins, our mistakes, that we've gone too far or messed up, and that's the nothing but the enemy bringing shame and guilt to make us run away from him. Where really God is, you know, one of my favorite stories is Genesis. Um because in that story, after Eve sin, Adam and Eve sin, um, they run, right? At first they're naked before God. Um and God's walking among them, he's talking among them, and they vibe and they're chilling. Oh my god, this garden is nice, God, how you do that? They chillin'. Um then sin happens, and they run. They run away and they clothe themselves. They find they realize that they're naked, and they find something to cover themselves up. And God asks a question and he's like, Where are you? And that's so powerful to me because God's not God's not asking because he's like, yo, they need a good hiding spot. Like, dad, like how where they at in this garden? Like, I really cannot find you. Can y'all please show yourselves? Like, that's not what he's saying. He's saying, Where are you? Because he wants you to realize like you you are far apart from him, like you've gone, you're hiding from him. And he wants you to look and realize, like, man, I am not where I need to be. I need to be, where am I? Where am I? Why am I hiding? You know, so I think I always think about that because God is always asking, where are you? He's saying, like, you need come, I still see you as my creation. Like you are still beautiful and wonderfully made in my sight. Like your sins are not too much. You have not gone too far. Um, and I think it's I think I think if anybody has kids, it's easier for you to understand I don't have any kids. But when I asked my I remember, I remember being in a time where I was working, I was trying to figure this out because I'm really like, God, how much, like, I don't get it. Like, what do you mean you're never gonna be in you're not upset with me or I haven't gone too far? Like, you don't know, like all the all the ways that I've messed up. And I remember asking my friend, she had just had her baby boy, and I remember asking her, like, like, yo, if he, if he vomits, let's say he's he's feeding him and he throws up on himself, like, you don't get disgusted by that? And she's like, no, like that's my kid. Like, I don't I'm I'm wiping it off and this is I'm like, okay, okay, okay, that was an easy one. What if, what if, what if he poops all over himself and he just messy and he stink and it's and it's a mess, and it's like diarrhea, and it's the it's all up his back. It's the worst kind. Worst kind. You not you not done, you still, she like, done? What you talking? No, I'm about to I'm cleaning him up and I'm bringing him and I'm holding, I'm holding him, and I ain't going nowhere. Like and it's the same, it's the exact same thing. Like, it's this you are his child. You know what I mean? Like, there is there is nothing that you can do to make him go. That's not like there's no s there's not you know what I mean? Like he always wants to be near you. He always wants to be near you. Um He always wants to be near you. You know, and just for completeness, we always talk about, you know, blaspheming the blaspheming the Holy Spirit as that that one sin that's like okay. But when you talk about when you talk about things like dealing with porn or drugs or addiction or or cheating or lying or all that kind of stuff, you know, um basically my point is just any regardless of what you're going through, you were never too far. That's my point.

SPEAKER_01 49:54

And I would actually like to add something to that. Uh Romans 5, verses 20 and 21. The law was brought in so that the trespass might increase. But where sin increased, grace increased all the more. So that just as sin reigned in death, so also grace might reign through righteousness to bring eternal life through Christ through Jesus Christ our Lord. So never think you're too far ago. So we've had a great conversation so far. But there's two more questions. So this is a heavy one right here. I know you're in a relationship. I also know the Lord pulled you out of it for a season of refinement. But when things but when you guys got back together, things were ten times better than before. They were how important is it to be obedient and equally yoked in a relationship?

SPEAKER_03 51:02

That's a great question. That's a great question. And it's I'm thinking I'm laughing because uh I didn't know what they were gonna ask me. Um I didn't think they were gonna ask me about my relationship, but Falash, my girlfriend, Falash today, asked my wife at this point. Um, she was like, she was joking, and she was like, um, and you better tell our story, right? You better, and I'm like, we're laughing. I'm like, alright, ain't nobody worried about yet, you know what I mean? Um and she was like, don't talk about us too much. But so it's funny that that question came up. But so yeah, um my girlfriend, my future wife, mother of my children one day, the person I see forever with, the person that I believe God made for me, just for me. Um we've been together since 2021. That was a close one, I fellas. I already forgot that date was like crazy. 2021. Um we were friends in college. In college, wasn't thinking about it knowing that, but COVID comes around and we end up together. And in the beginning, I mean it was everything's always been fine. But we were, again, I'm still I'm still Christian, I'm still trying to walk with God and do all the right things. Um, but I'm still struggling with fornication and lust and porn, all that kind of stuff. And so you can imagine that in that relationship, we end up, you know, falling to all those things as well, and you know, trying our best to wait till marriage. And that was actually one of the things that like we that was always our initial, like when we got before we got together, it was we waiting for marriage. Like that's our goal, like that's what we want to do because we she's Christian as well, and it was always, you know, we want to include God and we're God fearing we want to include him in this relationship, and we're God fearing, and so we want to try our best to kind of make that the center of our relationship, and so that's always been it from the beginning. Um but fast forward throughout the relationship, having a good time, and we're having a hard time waiting until marriage. We're having a hard time, and you know, it got to a point where I didn't realize it, but I was idolizing her, and I was idolizing the relationship, and I knew I was idolizing the relationship because God would tell me, right, specifically, like as the man in the relationship in the leading relationship, like, okay, y'all need to stop. I need to stop fornicating, stop having sex, like y'all need to set these boundaries, do this, do that, do that. And I would find myself in these situations having to choose between, or feeling like I had to choose between. You know, she never like she never she never like made it an obligational relationship, but when you a guy, like, and you chilling with Charlie, and you're at the crib, you have a nice time, and it's like, oh my, and it's like, but then you think in the back of your head, like, wait, wait, I like, like, I can't be God, God said no. But then you like, but that's my girl, like this is my, you know, like, and so I would fall. And I didn't realize it, but every time I would fall, I was choosing her over God. I was putting, trying to make her happy or us happy, or feeling our desires or whatever, this relationship over being obedient to him. Um, and so that would happen over and over and over again, where I constantly chose the relationship, chose her over God, um, or my own desires over God. Um and that's what that's what making an idol is. You can make an idol out of anything. It's it's putting something before God. You can put food before God. If God says put that piece of that slice down and you take a bite anyway, you don't make you you chose being obedient, faithful to him, you chose this thing, you know what I mean? So that's always something that you you know is really important. Um But realize that, and I remember like as I'm getting closer and closer to God, staying in that sin became a lot harder. The more I got closer to him, it became a lot harder to keep doing that. Um, and as I got closer to God, it also became a lot harder to tolerate sin. And you know when you're like new to Christ and you're new, fresh, and you like God didn't open your eyes and you don't realize how terrible and you kind of on this like not rampage, the zeal of turn your life to Christ now. You need to like that was me. Like I was like, like, no, we need to get to get it together, like now we can't, like, you know what I mean? Uh and so I was really like hard on her because but again, going back to the low self-esteem and feeling unworthy, that zeal that I had was me realizing how unworthy I was, but feeling like I had to go work for this thing with God now. And so now I'm bringing that into relationship where I'm like, no, we have to, you do have to be obedient, but I'm like, no, we have to do this and this and this and this, and we cannot, we cannot. Like, and I'm really like, you know, going at her. Um, and she has her own relationship with God. She's always been a Christian, but at this point, our paths are kind of like taking the I'm trying to get closer and closer and closer and closer. And she's kind of just where she was, you know, chilling, having fun, doing what she wants to do, still Christian, all that kind of stuff, but not really like, you know, having that her own kind of intentional walk with it or whatever. Um, and I remember, I remember God being like, I need to break up. You gotta break up with her. And at first, I'ma had like, I must be tripping. I must be God. You told me this is my wife. It's supposed to be in a Satan, you a liar. I ain't leaving. I yeah, yeah, I got it. I got I got I told him God. I ain't leaving. Months later, I'm still hearing, like, yo, we need to break up, we need to break up with her. And to this day, I truly think, like, I don't, I think that was the hardest thing I ever did in my life to this point, was break up with her. Because when I love this girl, you know what I mean? Like, this is my first real, real relationship. I've had relationships, but they've last a month. She's only my last a month, whatever. This is my first real long-lasting relationship. This is a woman I see my wife. And so guys I break up with her, I might break up with her. Like, so hardest thing I think I ever did in my life. But I remember the conviction of the Holy Spirit was just too much. Like, I could like I couldn't, I could not, like, again, getting closer and closer to Christ, it made it so hard and impossible to stay in that sin or stay in that relationship and then being an idol to me. And so I remember being on the phone and just being like, you know, we gotta break up. And no lie, she laughed. Like she was like, you know, I was joking, like she like stopped playing, like hung up, called again, like, you know what I mean? Like, I must have heard you all. Like, she's like, she knocked, because it was everything was smooth, we were cool, like we, we were good to I think to the world, we would have had a perfect relationship, no arguments about nothing, none of that stuff. Like we were chilling. And randomly here I come talking about we need to break up. And I take accountability because I never I also wasn't communicating with her where I was my relationship with God or what I was dealing with or experiencing. I was just kind of keeping it inside until it kind of blew up, you know what I mean? Like you shouldn't do, with your partner, especially. And so I got to this point where I'm kind of like, no, yeah, it we need to, I'm on, I'm sorry. We had a date planned the next day, like, like I'm like, cancel the date. We can't, we like you know. So we break up, this is me trusting God. I don't know, God, what you gonna do, but you told me to, you know, and I don't know, I really do not understand how I did that. Like, I don't know how. I nothing but the power of God, his Holy Spirit, because I it was crazy. I'm crying, I remember crying, I remember my roommate, you know, trying to comfort me, help me. Mind you, I'm still in medical school, so I'm going to class the next day. You ever seen the movies where it's just like like it's gray and white? Like, like, you know what I mean? And it's just like oh my um this romantic, like food don't taste the same no more, like all this stuff. Um and we so I was gonna get too long-winded. Breakup, whatever, whatever. I was struggling with going back and forth after we broke up because I would be like, Okay, we broke up, but I miss her. So I would go back to her, like, you know what? I think I think we're good now. I think we're good now. Let's try again. And that was really God didn't tell me to go back. It was me. So I would go back and I always feel bad about this for her. But I would go back and then hear God being like, I did not tell you to go back. What are you doing? And then I'd be like, you know what? I'm sorry. God didn't tell me to come back. Just forget everything. Like, and I will leave again. I would leave, and then I would be like missing her, and then I would come back, like, okay, okay, okay, no. This time, this time, we locked in, we locked in, and then this happened like three times. I kid you not. It's so she's so wonderful. It's happened like three times, and then I'll be like, actually, I'm not supposed to be here, so let me just like let me just go. I'm sorry, don't text me no more. Like, like, and I'm like, and she's like, Yo, what is wrong with you? Like, you keep coming into my life and leaving and coming to my life and leaving. It's because I was still like, I missed her, you know what I mean? Like, but God is like, no, I did not tell you to go back. Um, so I finally, and you know what I was struggling with? I was struggling with being content and resting, and what God was doing is in Exodus, there's this verse where God says, and He's leading the Israelites through the desert and they're hungry. And he says, You know, I allowed you to hunger so that you can humble yourself and then I can feed you with this mana. And what God was trying to do in that time when I was in this exodus period of being single was allow me to be alone and all that kind of stuff so I can realize that he is what I need. Like, Mante, I know you're lonely. Let me feel it. Again, go back to the time, let me do it. I got you. I know you miss a partner. I can be that companion if you let me. I we can go on dates, I can do it. Like, I can if you just let me. Like, I and it wasn't until I got content in him and really relied on him and came to him and wasn't looking for that relationship to fill any hole in me, and instead went to him. That guy was like, and this is so this is how it happened. So she called me one day and was like, um, she was like, I don't know what, I don't know what it is, I don't know what you're doing, but I keep having dreams about you because I'm just that guy. I keep having dreams about you, and I think you're supposed to be in my life, even as a friend. And I'm like, okay, okay. And so I was like, because I had learned the last time, I was let me pray about this first. I'm gonna pray and I'll get back to you. So I prayed, and God's like, you know, you know, take her to church, let's go to church. So I'm like, okay, okay, let's go to church together. So we go to church together, and it's a good time, you know, it's we're we're chilling, it's nice. It's the first time, actually, in our years of being together that we've ever gone to church together. This is the very first time ever. Um, and so after that moment, you know, we had our we were trying to figure it out, had our little patches of you know what we're doing, and obviously I had to win her trust back because after all that back and forth, she's like, How I know you're not just gonna leave again and be like, God didn't tell you to be here. Um, so you know, I had to really, you know, kind of earn her trust back and show her, like, no, like I this is throughout that period, and I was praying, like, you know, God, you know, if this is who you want me to be, you know what I mean? If you want me to be here, like, you know, help me, show me, keep, like, tell me, I'll if you tell me to leave, I'll leave. I did it before, I don't care, I'll leave if you don't want me here. Um, but throughout time, she gave me reassurance that she was the one. And I came through a bunch of different ways. Um, and so now here we are together. And when I tell you he has redeemed our relationship, it's the most beautiful thing. We go to church together, we read, and that was something that I prayed for. Like, I remember praying like God, like I want us to serve you, like together in our relationship. Like, I want us to do those things, like help us to do that. And he answered every single one of those prayers. We go to church together, we read the Bible together, like we she singing in the choir, like she's like praise, dance, all those beautiful things. Like, I'm doing what God wants me to do as far, you know, whatever he asks for me to do. Um, and so truly redeem our relationship so much when she checking me, you know what I mean? And did you read your word today today? Like, you need to go to church, you need to go to church, you need to do and I'm like, okay, you're right, you're right, you're right. And I think that's what it's supposed to be. You know, mentioning like an equally yoked relationship. I think I think it's about being with a partner that you both are seeking God. And as you seek God, you get closer and closer together. And it's not this it's equally yoked comes from this example of a yoke being this thing that they put on on animals, on oxen mostly, that they would carry on their backs, on their necks. And and if an if they were unequally yoked, you can imagine, let's say you have a let's keep it unequally yoked, and you have one ox that's pulling this way, and another ox that's pulling that way, or not pulling at all, they ain't going nowhere. You know what I mean? Y'all is stuck in that same spot in this, but if you have a relationship where you guys are are equally yoked and you're equally kind of holding this or trying or carrying it, then you guys can again, because you still have your own relationship with God, but as you as you walk together, you guys come closer and closer together, uh, and closer and closer to Christ. Um and I think I think one thing that I wish I did, because I think where I messed up in that beginning part, talking about like that that zeal I had for God and being like, we need to do this, this, this, this, and you can't do that, was I wish I gave more grace. That was the second thing that I learned in us getting back together was it's about grace. Because Amante, you don't have it down perfect and down packed, and neither does she. And you need to give her the same thing I give you. So as y'all working together and you demand a relationship and you're leading her, you gotta give her grace. And that's what love looked like. It looked like giving her grace and giving our relationship. Grace and knowing that we're not gonna have it down pat immediately, we're not gonna understand it together, we're not gonna have it all in one day, but there's grace, and God gives us grace, and we can extend that to our relationship and to others. And so the second time around, I was also a lot patient. I I hope she would say that. I was a lot more impatient and a lot more like, you know, with like for example, we were talking about Halloween. When we broke up, before we broke up, and I was still in that zill period, I was like, um, I was like, and I still feel this way, but I went about it differently. In the beginning, Halloween, when she mentioned it, I was like, no, we ain't never, you ain't never, don't even mention it again. You know what I mean? Like I'm like, like, because we asserted Christ. I'm very much, and it was very much, but you can imagine from someone else, feel like it's not a sound of warm or welcoming kind of, you know what I mean? It could come off as judgmental or as like, you know, overbearing and stuff, versus now, you know, talking about this is us talking about, you know, what we see in the world and things like that. Um, and we're having a conversation about it, and there was grace in the conversation. We're you know, we're talking and explaining what we think and what should we do with our kids, and how do you want to raise up our kids like that? And yeah, no, I can understand that perspective. And what would you say to a couple who said this? And you know what I mean? So my point is grace too. Even with the trying to be equally yoked as possible, you gotta give grace. There has to be grace. You can't have a checkbox of what's your partner's. You can't say she has to read three times a day and she has to do this and she has to do this. Because where's the love isn't love isn't having this perfect package and then being like, yeah, I love that. Love is what Christ shows us, and it's taking this thing that doesn't deserve it, that's not worthy of it, right? That that is all messed up and still dying for it. And still saying that I'm a I'm I'm here's my grace, you know what I mean? So, um, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:07

So I'm sure you're our God has many names.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:10

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:10

One of his names is Yahweh Gael. Yes, that is the Lord is my redeemer. I'm glad he kept true to his name in your relationship. Yes. But we're down to our last question.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:26

Last question.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:27

Alright, here it goes. Monte. If you can only give, no, if you can only leave behind one message for the world, what would it be?

SPEAKER_03 1:08:46

About me or just about like the world or like whatever.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:50

No, like what would you want to tell the world right now? If you're last your last question, the last thing, last statement. What would you like to tell the world? What do you wish the world knew? I don't know anything.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:11

I think I would say that the greatest thing that you can ever do for somebody, the greatest, like you talk about wanting greatness or wanting to achieve something, the greatest thing you can ever do is to die for a friend. And some people might die for a good friend. Might. On a good day, if they in a good mood, they might die for that good friend. But it's even greater, and how many people would die for someone that they don't know or consider them a bad friend, or it's not, you know what I mean? Like, that's love. That's the greatest form of love there is. There is no greater form of love than that. And I would say that that's exactly what Christ does for us. Like, he died for us and showed the greatest act of love that any person can. When we were far away from him, and when we were sinners in our own minds, and when we were, you know, wasn't thinking about him at all, he made the first move. He made the first move. It made it so easy. Because he loves you that much, he said, I'm gonna come down, God, right? Jesus, I'm gonna come down in flesh human form. I'm gonna die for you because I love you so much. And it wasn't something, it wasn't this bright idea that God had on a random Monday, like, you know what I should do? I think I should come die. It was always his plan since the very beginning, since Genesis. Like Jesus was there in the beginning. It was that was never, it wasn't like God was like, you know what, we got a good idea. What if what if what if Jesus just died? No, he was always there, always. Jesus is God, always there. And he died for you because he loves you. And I think that one of the greatest things to experience as a human, as a person, is that love. You know, and I pray and hope that everyone gets to experience that love and understand just how big that love is. And I think when it comes to who I am, I would want the world to know that, you know, I will and I am a humble servant of Jesus Christ. Um, and I pray that, you know, all of my days God keeps me humble and at his feet. Um and I pray that I can continue to love others the way that he has loved me. Um, I pray that you are well. Yeah, that'd be part of my message.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:57

Amen. For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son that whoever believed in him shall not perish, but have eternal life. For God did not send his son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. And with that being said, Monte, thank you so much for visiting us. Thank you for sharing your testimony. Everyone who tuned in, if you made it this far, please don't forget to like, comment, subscribe, smash that notification bell. Smash that real quick. And hey Jonathan, what else should they do?

SPEAKER_00 1:12:35

Never forget that Jesus loves you.