Women, Lunar Cycles & Miscarriage: Why the Female Body Processes Collective Grief

In this episode, we explore the deeper rhythms of the female body—beyond biology and into the emotional, spiritual, and collective layers of feminine experience.

We begin with the idea that women’s bodies are inherently cyclical, mirroring the rhythm of the moon. Unlike the modern world, which operates on linear productivity and solar time, the female body moves through phases of rise, expression, reflection, and release.

This cyclical intelligence invites a different way of understanding women’s energy, emotions, and sensitivity to the world around them.

From there, the conversation opens into a deeper exploration of how the body processes emotion—particularly grief.

We discuss how grief is not only a psychological experience but also a physiological process, and how the body sometimes attempts to complete unresolved emotional patterns through physical experiences.

This perspective creates space to talk about difficult and sacred topics like miscarriage, and the ways some spiritual traditions view these experiences through the lens of soul contracts or brief soul encounters.

Rather than offering rigid explanations, the conversation invites a compassionate and expansive way of understanding how profound reproductive experiences can hold layers of biological, emotional, ancestral, and spiritual meaning.

The discussion also touches on the idea that the feminine body may be uniquely attuned to collective emotional climates.

During times of societal upheaval or chaos, many women notice heightened sensitivity, emotional processing, or changes in their bodies. We explore the possibility that women’s nervous systems and hormonal cycles may respond to—and even help metabolize—collective emotional energy.

This episode ultimately reframes feminine sensitivity not as weakness, but as a form of deep attunement to life’s rhythms.

Together we explore:

• Women as cyclical beings whose bodies mirror lunar rhythms
• The difference between linear productivity and cyclical intelligence
• How emotions and grief can move through the body physically
• The body’s attempt to complete unresolved emotional patterns
• Miscarriage and spiritual perspectives around soul contracts
• The womb as a site of emotional and intuitive intelligence
• Women’s heightened sensitivity to collective emotional states
• The role of the feminine in metabolizing and transmitting collective grief

At its core, this conversation invites a more compassionate and expansive understanding of the female body—not only as reproductive, but as responsive, intuitive, and deeply connected to the rhythms of life.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Welcome, friend. Welcome, friend. Welcome to the fun side of the internet where we cuss and we think about words that we can use for routine drinking. It's tea. It's tea that we drink. Okay. I don't know what you may be drinking if we pick a keyword, but it's tea, guys. You're listening to the TNA podcast. Totally not appropriate. We're your hosts, Taylor Sappington, a cosmic cartographer, medical astrologer, and herbalist decoding the intersection of soul, body, and belief.

SPEAKER_03 0:35

And Adrian Irazari, a psychoalchemist trained in East Asian medicine, vibrational healing, and the sacred science of your nervous system.

SPEAKER_01 0:44

Together we blend ancient tools, clinical wisdom, and unapologetic truth-telling.

SPEAKER_03 0:50

From main events to metaphysics, tarot to tonics, karma to cancel culture, nothing is off-limits and everything is on the table. This space is for the boldly curious, the ones who crave uncomfortable conversations, crave deeper insight, and are done pretending that they don't feel what they feel.

SPEAKER_01 1:11

So turn it up, tune in, and don't say we didn't warn you. Welcome to TNA. So today we're going to talk about women and the moon and the lunar cycle. And I believe we did a podcast about the lunar cycle, but this is going to be a different perspective because admittedly, I sent Adrian an SOS the other day. Because I was having a mental breakdown. And I was having a mental breakdown because obviously we just traversed a lunar eclipse. And my body has recently reoriented herself to full moon bleeding. Right. That means that my cycles are fucking strangling me. No, that means I'm getting a period pretty much every 23 days. Now, the caveat to this is I am tracking my hormones every single day through a P stick. And my hormones are beautiful. Like there's a beautiful cadence. My follicular phase, which Adrian helped me create length with, is now 11, 12 days. I'm not trying to have babies. We are done with that chapter in life. So it doesn't need to be any longer for me, right, Adrian? Yep. Okay. But my luteal phase, which is the phase in perimenopause for a lot of women that starts to abbreviate, dances between 11, 12, sometimes 13 days. But as of late, she's like, just like the number 11. And I could just die. So I sent Adrian an SOS and I was like, what do you do with the women who literally have done and do everything? Is there a conversation we can have about what it means when your body is physiologically stable and synced to the lunar calendar? And what did you say to me, Adrian?

SPEAKER_03 3:12

That it's a sign of health. And you were like, I call bullshit because you were upset. I'm gonna rip the hair out of my head, the little hair that I have. Yes. I think that's exactly what you said. I'm gonna rip the little hair that I have left in my head out. But I said that because her bodies are supposed to move with the lunar calendar. And she was headed into this big lunar eclipse that we had, and there were also other big events that were happening at the same time. So, yes, the sky can absolutely dictate your schedule. This is just like when you ovulate more than once in a month. It doesn't happen often, but it happens in conjunction with your lunar cycle. Your lunar cycle, your lunar return. Yeah, you're looking at the body as an expression of the sky, really. And you can be doing all the right things. I had a meltdown about a short cycle a few months ago. Do you remember that? It was like three months ago now, I think. And I was like, what is this? Like it started out of nowhere. And then I looked at the calendar and I was like, oh, it's because today is the moon, this day. And I was like, okay, I don't have to like it, but I'm on time. Oh no, I don't like it. No, and a lot of people don't. So like I have a lot of people that will come into my office and they'll kind of panic and they're like, oh, like my cycle was so good, and then now it's not. And I was like, what do you mean now it's not? And they're like, well, it came early or it came late. And then that also causes panic with people, especially if they're sexually active. Yeah, I was late.

SPEAKER_01 5:06

And I'm like, well, how late. I would give my left arm to be late at this point. I would love to be able to send Adrian a text message and be like, I am on day 28. I am late with a big shit eating grin on my face.

SPEAKER_03 5:19

Like well, but that's why I ask people like, how late is late, right? Like, are we talking like day 32, 35 kind of late? Or are we talking your cycle tracking app said that you were going to start on day 25 and day is day 26?

SPEAKER_01 5:40

Please stop using cycle tracking apps. I'm gonna give you two reasons. First of all, most of them sell your data, they collect and they sell your data, and it is in the fine print that they sell your data. So you're agreeing to all of these terms and conditions, you know, of which includes the selling of your data. But also your cycle tracking apps operate off of an algorithm. Your body is not an algorithm, it is a unique ecosystem that changes according to the input that it's exposed to. The output is responsive to the input. So I know that it's like I almost feel like cycle tracking apps are they make it autopilot for a lot of people. Yes. And I think there's one that you use. I used to use, I don't think it's available anymore. They were updating it or something, taking charge of your fertility, which, if you've ever seen that book, it's like the original textbook of how to utilize the fertility awareness method. It's a wonderful book, and she had a wonderful app to go along with it. But Adrian, there's one that you were using too that does not sell your data.

SPEAKER_03 6:44

Oh, yes, there's actually two that I would recommend. Embody is the only encrypted app that is currently on the market. They can subpoena your data all day long, and the app goes, but we don't have it because of how they store it. So totally brilliant, run by women, highly recommend. And it does take all the visuals are pretty and like you can see like what phase you're in. Now, it doesn't have the sensitivity that if you put the or not yet, I know that's in the planning works because it's still a fairly new product. If you put your basal body temperature in, it doesn't reflect that in the cycle phase that it tells you on the app itself. But I really like the app. I use it. The other one that I really like is Read Your Body. It was designed by Fertility Awareness Educators. Okay. It does not calculate anything, it is literally like an electronic fertility awareness chart that you put your information into. You can put as much information in customized fields as you want, but it relies on you putting the information in and then starting the next so you can keep track of your cycle. And it's nice because when you have cycle interruptions, sometimes changing your workout routine can cause a pattern interrupt. Getting sick, getting sick is a big one that changes it. Travel, weddings, honeymoons. It doesn't have to be a negative thing, it can just be a thing that changes your regular biorhythm job promotions, yeah, changing jobs, the world on fire. Well, you know, that one too.

SPEAKER_01 8:27

I'm just gonna weave that in because it kind of feels like a dumpster fire around here. This place is fucking ghetto. I have that conversation with my soul at all times where I'm like, did you really agree to this? Is this a joke? Like, are we really doing this? Girl, what were you thinking? Like, they're releasing information about aliens, and I'm like, bitch, mother ship, come find me. I'm here, beat me up, Johnny. Let's go. I have done 40 years of this. Have you seen this around here? They're like locking doors and driving by. Okay, see you guys see when you're done.

SPEAKER_03 8:59

Yeah, exactly. They don't even want to stop and pick us up anymore.

SPEAKER_01 9:03

God, we're just a social experiment at this point. There are series that say that we were released as a social experiment. I should get a tin foil hat from this point forward and just put it on every time we talk about this kind of stuff. I am willing to read anything. I am willing to consider any perspective, any potential reality, including the thought that we were placed here as an experiment. You know, I said to my son the other day, as we jump off of, can you tell Taylor has her periods? Girl, we'll circle back around. But I was driving Sydney to school yesterday, and you know, there's like big ass caterpillars that come out in spring and they're like fuzzy, and you can literally see them on the road. Yeah. I stopped my car. And my son is like, What are you doing? And I was like, the caterpillar needs to get to the other side of the road. Right. And of course, everybody is like beeping their horn. And I was like, We don't exist without the caterpillars, you know, and I looked at my son and I was like, Let this be your first lesson and how humans are the greatest parasitic load to any ecosystem that has ever existed.

SPEAKER_02 10:13

What did he say to that? Because I can only imagine at his age what he had to say back to that.

SPEAKER_01 10:24

This is my mom. And I'm like, one day you will appreciate every weird aspect of me. For now, it's gonna be an embarrassment. That's fine. You can be mad, you can beep at me. The caterpillar got to the other side of the road, and we will have one more beautiful butterfly floating about our ecosystem, helping pollinate and transfer information from plant to plant. Motherfuckers, yeah, try me. People don't stop for cats and dogs. People don't stop for possums. I can't stand driving around here because I just want to cry. I keep a box of tissues in my car because I'm like, we literally couldn't slow down enough to let the poor opossum cross the fucking road.

SPEAKER_03 11:03

I was surprised you didn't get out and move it. I thought about that. I didn't even make it in that person.

SPEAKER_01 11:10

I do it for turtles. I will pick up injured birds and take them to the rehabilitation center here. Like the way you treat everything around you says a lot about you. And if you have your face so stuck in your phone while you're driving, you know, or so lost, maybe it's time to like literally press pause and reflect on what's going on in your world that you can't pay attention to the surroundings around you.

SPEAKER_03 11:33

Oh, so many people have a hard time plugging into that.

SPEAKER_01 11:36

Because it's fucking chaos here and everybody can feel it.

SPEAKER_03 11:39

It's like static. Well, I don't know if everybody can feel it. Like yes and no. And I say that because we have gotten so adept at numbing ourselves the fuck out. Yeah, that's fair. And I can feel it. Like when I've had too much screen time, yeah, my brain feels static-y, and I'm just like, oh, I don't like this feeling.

SPEAKER_01 12:00

Does your neck scream at you too? My neck screams at me. I now know when I'm starting to get tense in the back of my neck, it's time to put my phone down and get off my computer because my body's like, we have had enough. You do not need to write another email, forecast, check anything. Like, get off your computer. I have an override switch that I used for many years. We talk about it all the time. I would forego that pain and be like, bitch, I have things to do. Yeah. You know? Yeah. And my body is now at the point where it's like, no, you don't.

SPEAKER_03 12:29

Yes. My body has reached that point in its life too, where it's like, I was reflecting on that as I was getting ready for bed last night. I'm like, you know what? I don't think I checked anything this evening, and I think that's okay.

SPEAKER_01 12:42

Social media have had a post ready for three days. I haven't posted it. I'm like, I'll get to it, you know, I'll get to it. What a beautiful place to be where you're like, I'll get to it, you know.

SPEAKER_03 12:53

I've decided it's far more important to like take care of my side of the street. And so, like, I took time this morning to meditate and to visualize like spreading golden rays of my energy out and be like, let the women who are meant to find me. And setting that kind of caterpillars walking across the street. Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 13:19

But I really feel like that's gonna do more. Yeah, we have been talking about this on the podcast for weeks now. It is a Buddhist principle, and I think it is brilliant. And I think more people would be served by just embodying, reflecting upon and embodying the notion that you are most impactful, you are most effective through the perspective of activism, if you will, when you take care of what's going on between your two ears within your four walls and on your front porch. Because then you become abundant in so many ways and not financially. We always talk about abundance, and it's like financial. I'm so excited to see the white-brimmed hat, boho skirt, jewel-wearing influencer age go out the window. Like, bye, see you, you know. Like, I'm so glad you can afford Louis Batons and Gucci bags. That's not what I consider to be abundant. And maybe we need to start providing other perspectives on what abundance actually looks like.

SPEAKER_03 14:29

And I agree with that. Abundance can look a whole bunch of ways. And really, what I am grounding my energy and sharing in that meditation is that I'm looking for like-minded people who are ready to do the work with me. To me, that's abundance.

SPEAKER_01 14:51

I kind of love your energy when you deliver that. My energy maybe just today is like, let's go, bitch! Let's dive deep. Come on, get your channel out, you know. Like, but I think that's you're looking for that type of woman in a different delivery. Which I may be too. Ask me tomorrow. Today, this is what I'm feeling.

SPEAKER_03 15:08

But I think that is what we're talking about, though. We're talking about a paradigm shift, yeah, and that social media isn't it and influencer culture isn't it. And so, oh god, I hope so. It can't happen fast enough. All right, but you know, really manif I hate to use the word manifesting. The women that calling forward. Yeah, I like that better. Calling forward the women who are ready for the work. I had the most nourishing conversation with one of my clients yesterday. She scheduled an extra appointment with me, not because she wanted to talk about her period, but because she wanted to talk about the mother wound. And she wanted to talk about how that was playing out in her life and what that would look like in terms of how her cycles show up and everything. And I was like, fuck yes. Can I add to that?

SPEAKER_01 16:02

Blackmail and welcome, friend. So it's so interesting you had that conversation because yesterday I got on the phone with my mentor. I meet her, you know, every Tuesday, and my brain gets bent and blown open. And we're just gonna do that for now, right? But I brought the same conversation to her about my cycle, you know, and I was like, let's look at this through a quantum lens. Now, obviously, family constellation was part of that conversation, which I think we could add into this conversation today, and I'll go there in a minute. But the other piece of the conversation that like really broke my brain open and finally made it all made sense was this when we're talking about the mother wound. Okay. I was born to a mom. Now I can't speak for her, but I don't know if she was ready to become a mom or if it was just what she was thought like she had to do. Like, I feel like that generation is like you get married and you have kids. Babies, yep. You know, so I was born to a mom. I was baby number one of four, where I'm not so sure she was ready to become a mom. And she was a woman who struggled with the experience of endometriosis and anomiosis, right? So there were reproductive challenges, painful periods. She had reproductive challenges long before she got pregnant, you know, and considering what we know now about endo and adeno, I would say it's probably quite a miracle, if you will, that she got pregnant successfully five times, four of which were kept viable, you know. And then she had a hysterectomy in her mid-30s. So she had four babies, and then she had a hysterectomy in her mid-30s. Mom is who we get our morphogenetic field from for our reproductive organs. We mirror mom. I have no template to go off of after a certain age. So the template up to a certain age looks like this, right? It's endo and adenomiosis, it's painful periods, it's heavy bleeds, it's four pregnancies, you know, then it's more painful periods and headaches, which is so interesting. I started getting headaches at 36. You start to draw the parallel of like, oh, this is when she had her hysterectomy. And the reason she had her hysterectomy is because of the headaches that were due to hormones, right? Which I'm sure was absolutely a piece of the puzzle. But my mentor was like, Did you ever think that you're having funky cycles because you have no template and your body's trying to create an experience that it has nothing to draw off of? And I literally had to sit on the other side of the computer for a minute. I understood exactly what she was saying, but I was like, holy shit. Of everything that I've heard though, of like the, you know, yes, yin deficiency makes sense. Heat and dampness make sense. I can see it in my physical form, right? We, you and I, me and the acupuncturists I work with have done such exquisite work to address those things that I don't think my system could be any better supported.

SPEAKER_03 19:01

Well, and when you sent me that voice note, I thought to myself, you have this lunar eclipse deeply impacting your chart. Yes. And it's a big event, regardless of how it hits your chart. Then look at it from that subset of this hits my chart in a very specific way.

SPEAKER_01 19:28

So of course it's going to And I have no template, so I'm operating off of collective influence.

SPEAKER_03 19:36

That's interesting to think about because my mom had a hysterectomy too. And her mom was really sick in the hospital, I believe it was with pneumonia, when she was in her mid-30s and her bleed stopped by 36. And so, like, if we're looking at the mother line, right? And then my mom had her hysterectomy, I want to say at 38. Yeah. So, like, I got pregnant with Enzo at 39. Here I am, 42, right? And like that would totally make sense. I've been operating without a guidebook for a little while now myself.

SPEAKER_01 20:15

No, I'm sure, I'm sure everyone's like, well, how do you do this? And that's a much deeper conversation. Like, there's absolutely work that you can do in the morphogenetic field to create anew, if you will, to create a template that your body can actually operate off of. But I was like, what if our conversations centered more so around how your body is mirroring the lunation that's going on, the collective experience that's happening, and your family history through the lens of whether or not you've got an operational template instead of how can we implement progesterone to extend the luteal phase.

SPEAKER_03 20:54

Yes. And I actually had this conversation with my student this morning when we were talking about supporting the luteal phase and trying to reduce the risk of miscarriage, etc. And I said, progesterone isn't as good as some of the other tools that are out there. And this person is a Western-trained OBGYN. And so we talked about some of, in my opinion, it's my opinion, superior tools to just using a progesterone suppository because all that does is delay the inevitable. You'll still have a loss if you're gonna have a loss. Yeah, it might be that the initial stages of this just need alignment, and then the pregnancy can progress. Like Chinese medicine calls it restless fetus.

SPEAKER_01 21:48

Oh, that's such an interesting way to well. And then, you know, if we segue that into the family constellation, the other conversation that we had, my brain gets melted once a week, and then I have to go into. Grade and I have to do all of the homework that is required in order for me to learn how to properly implement these tools, right? With you, the listener, because it's coming. So the other conversation we had was family constellation. And if you were born into a family where one or the other parent was really excited about bringing life forward, and the other was like hesitant, not sure, are you being dropped into a child position or are you being born into a partner position?

SPEAKER_03 22:34

Ooh, that's a good one, too.

SPEAKER_01 22:37

If I look at my constellation, and I've done a lot of work on this sweet little constellation that I call my family constellation here immediately with my husband and my son, but I had Sydney, and it was just him and I. So there wasn't room for him to be a kid. He was born into a partner architecture. And I don't mean that in a weird way. Do you understand what I'm saying? I do because my daughter was mine. Right. Yeah. I was a single parent for a while too. I get it. And whether we want to admit it or not, like it's really not possible for one parent to be two. You do the best you can to provide mothering and to provide fathering when that role is not being successfully inhabited because your picker's broken and you pick a fucking loser. But you know, my son, your picker is broken. I have nothing nice to say. I will never name him, but you know, like a loser, and I fully own it. Okay. I was clearly trying to fix something that was broken and meant to stay broken. I was trying to play a role that I was trying to live out something that happened when I was younger, and I was never gonna fix it in a relationship. And I'm sure that's relatable for many. But you know, when you have one that's so committed and the other that's absent, whether they're there or not, where is there room for the child to be a child? Yes. So it's it was very obvious. Sydney like stepped into that role of like, well, I'm just my mom's right-hand dude. It's her and I, like against the world. And there were a lot of power struggles between my husband and my son as Sydney started getting older because Sydney didn't see himself as the kid, he saw himself as the third wheel, the third adult wheel. But if you're born into a family constellation where one parent is all in and another parent is not or is absent, again, how can you become a child? Now you're in partnership. And I again, I don't mean this in a weird way. I don't know how else to like vocal if you've got a way to say this where it sounds different, but like you're in partnership with one of the parental figures, right? Parents that are besties with their kid. That's wonderful. And I would also question it. Like, let's really unpack that. What does that look like? Okay, how can you fully embody all unique aspects and characteristics of you if you're automatically in partnership with unspoken expectations and paradigms?

SPEAKER_03 25:08

Yeah. Right. I worry about that with my daughter, quite frankly. And I think it will often push her out and be like, go be a kid, please.

SPEAKER_01 25:15

Yeah. Well, mom and dad are supposed to energy is supposed to flow down, yes, not parallel, right? And in these setups, look up family constellation if you're listening to this and I'm not doing it justice by eloquently speaking to it, right? But if energy is flowing side to side as opposed to down, you're gonna have some stunted growth here with with the child, right? And then that creates further architecture that could potentially lend itself to like unspoken dynamics between mom and kid or dad and kid. Like resentment, jealousy, these are just some of the things that can come up. Yep. So you're talking about like a restless uterus, is or restless. Is that what you said? Restless fetus, yes. Like that precursor to a miscarriage. Well, it's just like being born into a family constellation where the constellation isn't complete before you come in. That also is gonna generate issues earth-side, if you will.

SPEAKER_03 26:13

Yeah, that's really interesting. I'm not aware that my grandmother had any losses, but that was the generation that didn't talk about that kind of stuff. Yeah. And my mom didn't, but in conversation with my mom in more recent years, we've come to the conclusion that we both of us feel strongly that she had polycystic ovarian syndrome, which was part of her stuff, right? And my grandmother tried for 10 years before she was able to get pregnant with my mom. And when I have a similar story with Enzo and repeating, repeating lines, like it jumps generations.

SPEAKER_01 26:53

So there was mom who had to hold some of that dynamic, and then obviously it found you in its fullest form.

SPEAKER_03 27:01

Yep. My journey was a little shorter than hers. But she had my mom, and then she got sick not too long after that. And if it jumps generational lines, you and me need to have a conversation about how not to get breast cancer. That would be great.

SPEAKER_01 27:17

Because she died of. Yeah. Well, and I think oh, we could do a whole podcast on like the esoteric aspect of breast cancer. A lot of the times, and like this is just one perspective, right? It's containment. So if we don't have full expression of the emotional body, if we're holding on to things that were passed down through generation ancestral DNA lines, and we don't know how to fully express, transmute, and alchemize, they have to go somewhere. The body is literally the canvas for the mind's work, it's the canvas for the emotional body's work, it's the canvas for the supramental body's work. So, like everything that is not appropriately addressed, and when I say appropriate, it looks different from person to person, but anything that goes unintegrated eventually ends up in the physical body. And what would it look like if our conversations around these things included this as an aspect and allowed us to tend to people as a whole system and looked at elements that were unseen as being just as valid contributory factors as the physical world that we live in and provide them with support that allowed for some reorientation of the architecture internally before they moved on to addressing it externally. Now, herbs, I will always say herbs have been a big part of my journey. Like traditional Chinese herbs have been incredible supports. Western herbs and working with them have been incredible supports, but none of these things are gonna take away if there are other elements that need to be addressed. Like to the point where we started this conversation. If herbs were gonna address the shortening of the luteal phase, they would have done it by now. Yeah. So they're just here supporting a better experience and decreasing potential symptoms that could be present, but they're not creating length at this point. So the question has to go deeper. What's preventing the length? And that that conversation we had where she's like, What do you have to pull off of? I was like, okay, like you just blew my mind. That makes more sense to me than I'm progesterone deficient, because you've seen my labs every month. I'm like, I am not deficient.

SPEAKER_03 29:32

No, you're not. And that's why I tried to talk you off the ledge yesterday, because I'm like, there's so much that's influencing the way that your body is expressing itself. And you said, How can you tell that this is not coming from an imbalance or a disharmony, but from alignment? Because I don't think you liked my initial answer. And she was spicy yesterday.

SPEAKER_01 29:58

My cerebral brain just could it was on an axle, it had itself wrapped around an axle. Oh man, I feel old saying that. Is that something your parents said too? Wrap yourself around an axle. Sorry. You know, but it was just like it would not get off of this. And I'm like, what Adrian is saying makes sense. I can see it, it makes sense. I'm very attuned to my environment and the cycles, and that's it.

SPEAKER_03 30:22

Is you're attuned to nature extremely. You are attuned to what is happening in the sky. How many times have we had conversations going into a particular astrological configuration? And one of us is thriving and the other one is dying. Like I didn't thrive with this one. Yeah. Well, but it hit your chart in some really big way. It did. Right? So this one sucked. There was one last summer that I remember going, oh my god, Taylor.

SPEAKER_01 30:54

And I was doing I was like, Woo!

SPEAKER_02 30:57

And you're like, what are you talking about? I feel great. And I was like, I feel like where did the bus go?

SPEAKER_03 31:01

I got it. It was an eclipse last summer. It was. And that one sucked. But both of us spend time in nature. Both of us live in alignment with the seasons. Both of us live in alignment with our cycles, right? So when people are doing the work, and this is the part that feels so fucking frustrating for people when they're like, oh, my body didn't show up for me. Hold the phone, sit down for a second. Because it doesn't mean that it's not showing up for you. Well, but the thing is your body isn't betraying you. And I know that it's really easy to go there, especially when you've been doing years and years of work to like help this thing perform optimally. And then when you have a moment like Taylor was describing, you're like, well, shit, I did all the damn things. I checked all the boxes. What the fuck? But what it is is that your body is now performing optimally. So like healers and people who work in this space tend to have funky cycles, not because they're not in alignment, but because they're so in tune with the moon around them. Like when we have a supermoon and I bleed near that supermoon, I think I'm gonna bleed to death. Because the intensity of it's not cramping, it's the flow rate. Like that intensity is holy shit. Now, I think some of your symptoms from this eclipse were actually more eclipse related.

SPEAKER_01 32:36

It's interesting too, because I said to my husband the other day, and I think I shared this with you on an Instagram message, because we always have a message in some platform somewhere. I said to my husband, I was like, I never went into labor because I had an emergency C-section. And there's always been this feeling of I missed out on something because I didn't go into labor. And I said to my husband, I feel like my cycle every now and again is like, hey girl, this is what you missed out on. I'm gonna give you a little preview. Because when I got on the phone Tuesday with my mentor and she's like, How are you? And I'm like, I was in labor all night. That's what I was doing because nothing was touching the cramping. I wanted to be on all fours. I needed to move my hips. Like, I need my own bedroom once a month where I can just make noise and move about and not disturb anybody's sleep. But it was so painful. And I'm like, is this what it would have felt like to labor into delivery? Because I can only imagine that thing. And sometimes I'm like, are you just giving me the opportunity to experience something that I didn't experience? Does that sound batshit crazy?

SPEAKER_03 33:47

Not at all. Actually, I was gonna say maybe flip the frame and not look at it like giving you an opportunity to experience it, but maybe more like completing a cycle.

SPEAKER_01 33:58

Yeah, because I'm not gonna be bringing another baby into this world, like know that for a fact. For a while, there was like I wanted to have my not like revenge pregnancy, but my I'm gonna do it again and I'm gonna get to experience everything from start to finish, laboring, delivering, you know. And as life went on, I was like, yeah, I don't really think I have the construct to be a mom to anyone else. I just don't have in this lifetime, no, I'm not built to mother in that way. I have one and he gets everything, you know, and there was absolutely a period of grief. There still are moments of grief where I'm just like, I didn't get to labor. I didn't get to see what my body was capable of. And that was something I was excited about. Not that I was in I recovered from a fucking C-section as a single mom breastfeeding. I mean, yeah, way to go, girl. You know, working 60 hours a week. No woman should ever be put in that position. No, ever. Absolutely not.

SPEAKER_03 34:53

Although I do see bodies that did belly births that have this, and it really means infection. You said belly birth, that's a fun way to say it. Okay. Yeah, I really like that that idea of a belly birth because there are women who see cesarean section as a failure, and there are women who see cesarean section as stealing a moment from them.

SPEAKER_01 35:22

And because you don't get to see anything. I mean, the entire setup of a C-section is so isolated. Like you're strapped down on a bed, you have a sheet in front of you, so you can't see what they're doing, right? You're so detached from the entire experience. And then all of the requests, like, don't cut the cord until it's finished pulsing. Do you think anybody fucking listened to anything that I said? I mean, I hope that the people who have to have c-sections or choose, which that wouldn't be my choice, but I get it. Choose to have c-sections, at least have somebody advocating to the point where they're like, these are her requests. The least you could do is fucking honor them. She can't participate, having skin to skin. I mean, that should be no questions asked. Yes, absolutely, you know.

SPEAKER_03 36:08

Well, in everybody's journey with a belly birth is different. And because of that, especially in the emergency C camp, yeah. I find that there are far more women that have grief stuck in their system that needs to move. Yep. And I will see it in their bleed, and it can be years after. And there's still an integration process that has to happen energetically. And it will show up in the period, it'll show up the way that they move through the world. And if your vision going into it, I've seen many people who their vision going into it is they were gonna have a home birth or they were gonna have a vaginal birth, and then things like water changed on a dime.

SPEAKER_01 36:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 36:54

And all of a sudden, they found themselves in this very scary situation where they were being rushed in for this emergency see. They birthed their baby in a way that they never really conceptually wanted to think about, and were left emotionally and energetically picking up the pieces on the other end of it all. And I have absolutely seen it play out in cramping, and oftentimes it's described as I don't have any like contractions kind of experience, but it comes in waves. And it's like, yes, your body is trying to work through this process that was never completed. Sometimes they'll have overly tight pelvic floors afterwards. Yep. That's what I'm saying. Weird. We've never talked about that part, Taylor, but you know, but it's because there is a chemical process that takes place in your body if you want to talk about it from a physical standpoint. When you go through the physical act of birthing your child vaginally that gets cut short, cut off, interrupted when you find yourself in a situation where you have to do a belly birth. And that is disruptive for a lot of systems. And so it very likely is that your body is energetically trying to complete a cycle when that happens every so often.

SPEAKER_01 38:13

And when you take a full moon or an eclipse, which is all about closing a cycle, you know, it makes sense. It's interesting too, because the things that make me feel best on these major, this is not every period for me, you know. So, like on these major lunations when I'm experiencing this, the thing that makes me feel best physically is my husband literally ramming his fists into the back of my back. Yeah, kidney position. I'm like, that's the thing that provides the most relief. It's not heat, it's not walking, it's fists in my back. And I'm like, this is so fascinating.

SPEAKER_03 38:45

That's what I had Eric do when I was in labor with Enzo. I know fists in my back in the kidney position. Yep. And when I would go through a contraction, he would push. Yep. And then when the contraction subsided, he let up. And that felt so good. Yeah. It did. It took a lot of the intensity out of, I mean, Enzo's birth, every contraction was way more intense than it was with my daughter. He was like, I'm coming out now with a huge head, guys. But you know, that intensity wasn't there with Evie. Hers was more meandering. That's the only word I've got. It's like I would have a contraction, but I had one at 27 and one at 40. And I literally was birthing him with no template.

SPEAKER_00 39:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 39:33

Because my mom didn't have a uterus after I think it was like 37 or 38. I know she was in her 30s when she had her hysterectomy, late 30s. Yeah. Totally different experience.

SPEAKER_01 39:44

Well, I said to my mentor yesterday, too, I was like, why didn't I get my dad's side of the family genes when it comes to because we called her Big Mom Mom, she was four foot eleven, you know, but my dad's a big guy, and my grandfather was a big six five, six, six, you know what I mean? So why didn't I get Big Mom's template? She was having babies till she was 42. You know, like and she was just like, that's not how it typically works, Taylor. Women tend to mirror their mother and their mother's mother, right? Whereas men tend to mirror their father and their father's father. So that's how it tends to work. We see mirroring in that way, like in reproductive construct. And I was like, got it. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 40:22

So that's interesting because my great-grandmother had 17. My grandmother was number 10 of 17, which I think is also why she had some of the reproductive challenges she had, knowing what I know about kidney chi, right? My grandmother was seven more after that. Oh, hell no. Yep. A set of twins that didn't live very long. But yeah, no, she was having the last of her babies when her oldest were starting to have their own. And she was fertile myrtle. And everybody in the family always said, Oh, you look just like Julie. You look just like Julie. You're built like her, you're coloring, everything. And I did not get the fertile myrtle jeans like she had. I definitely was a lot more in the grandmother mother camp. And how we care for our bodies, there's so many forums online. They're like, I have five kids, I'm 42. I really would like to have another one. And the question really, I'm not dissing or dismissing anybody's lived experience or what their desires are, but my question to you would be if you've had that many and you're going into the years of your life where your kidney chi is declining, your yin is starting to decline, you know, what is that going to mean for the outcome and the health of your baby? Like, what is that gonna mean for your transition?

SPEAKER_01 41:49

Like, I also have this question around IBF, and this is probably like its own conversation, but when we look at IBF through the lens of like, are we artificially creating a spot that wasn't asked to be taken? You know, I think bringing a baby into the world needs to be a much deeper conversation on so many levels. And I understand that there are circumstances where it's not happening the way that we want it to happen, and we want it to happen so badly. And sure, we can absolutely go the route of IBF, but we also have to consider that there is no free lunch. So, as you're saying, women birthing after 42, there's potential consequence to the baby from a health perspective based on simple things that occur within kidney chi. That's also a consideration that needs to be made for things like IUI and IVF. Like 99% of kids born via IVF struggle with structural development. You have a soul that's embodying something that it didn't necessarily agree to embody. Interesting. That's gonna piss somebody off. I know. Please know. I'm not saying this to be derogatory. I'm not saying this to point the finger. I'm just providing a different perspective on a very emotional, nuanced, and layered topic. And I do think that this particular aspect needs to be considered.

SPEAKER_03 43:06

I think women feel that at an intuitive level too. I think a lot of them do, because a lot of them will come to me either in the middle of their IVF journey or they'll come to me when they're on the doorstep of this has been the only thing that's been presented as an option. Let's have a conversation. Because often the statement is, well, I don't really feel like this is how I'm meant to conceive, but they're telling me there's no other way.

SPEAKER_01 43:37

I'm sure it's a lot like the C-section. Like you had this vision of how you wanted to bring life into the world and it's not going according to your plan.

SPEAKER_03 43:47

Well, if you're not getting pregnant, it's because there's a reason. 100%. You know, 100%. And yeah, bypassing that reason through the use of technology doesn't arrive. Erase the reason. So that reason is only going to get amplified or magnified or whatever later on when you go through a life transition, because we all go through seasons and cycles in our lives.

SPEAKER_01 44:13

That's interesting because one of the conversations I had recently in community was someone was like, Do I need to start planning for pregnancy three months out? And I was like, We've been working together for four years. You've been planning for pregnancy the whole time. So where's this question around three months coming from? And essentially there's this like benchmark out there that you need to spend three months preparing your body. And I'm like, Well, that's interesting, right? That's an interesting perspective. But I think when it comes to preparation too, preparation is something that you do every day unconsciously to get your body ready for the welcoming of new life. There was another thought that I wanted to tangent off of that with, but you know, day one, day two of my period, it's fly. It'll come back. Three months for men or women, this is what was yeah, this is what was brought. And I was like, there's also like if we're talking from like a supplemental perspective, three months is if your body's in a receptive state, this is where your body starts to integrate what you're exposing it to. You know, like that's such a I don't know, I mean professionals, like professionals giving this advice. Are you pulling it out of your ass?

SPEAKER_03 45:24

I don't so my understanding is that for women, eggs develop on a 120-day window, but we can influence the quality on a 90-day window. Right. But if you think about it, like really think about it, you have to start at day 120. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 45:45

Because everything you tell yourself in your brain, everything you're eating, the way you're digesting your world and the stress in your world around you, your relationship with your partner and whether things are actually going according to plan and you're on the same page or not.

SPEAKER_03 46:04

Yep. All of that is influencing your egg 120 days before it is actively ovulated. So sure, you can do things to influence its quality on a 90-day window, but this has more to do with lived lifestyle than it does with pregnancy preparation.

SPEAKER_01 46:27

And also the pressure that you put on yourself when you give yourself a 90-day window, like that pressure, it's going to, as you would say, it creates a threat. So now we're on a time frame. And that time frame, I have to keep everything strict and in line and according to. We talk about this a lot because everyone, I'm like, I was not the picture of health when I got pregnant. This is the example that I use when women ask me. You know, I was 27. I was probably knee deep in the integrative world. I was just starting to understand my body outside of the lens of traditional Chinese medicine. I had beautiful guidance and mentorship up to that point, but I was expanding my toolkit. I was riddled with Candida overgrowth. I was riddled with mold mycotoxins. I was riddled with dormant Epstein bar virus that had recently gone dormant. You know, did I treat my body well? If you were to see me, she moves and she takes good supplements and she eats well. But I was a ticking time bomb inside because there were threads that I had not yet pulled. And while I got pregnant and successfully stayed pregnant, how I don't know. The amount of stress I was under it was immense. Okay. I'm like, all that came back in postpartum. So, like, not only was my milk supply shit, and I think that was very, I went back to work at eight weeks after an emergency C-section that obviously decreased time with my baby. Milk is made on demand. Pumping in your car in August is not the best way to keep your supply up, even if you're doing all the things when you get home. I was underslept. I had a psychotic breakdown at nine and a half months. Anything that you don't address, this is what I was gonna say earlier. Anything that you don't address prior to the pregnancy will absolutely make its way to being known in your postpartum experience.

SPEAKER_03 48:19

100%. And I know this is gonna be a little triggering for people, but bear with me. If you have had an abortion in your past for whatever reason, and there's no judgment because everybody's situation is individual, but then you go to have your own baby later on in your life with the partner that you want to have this baby with, that does not mean that you'll have issues. And oftentimes people build it up in their head and then they do. And your lived experience is such a big part of how your body performs that if you really didn't want to have that abortion, that's okay, but you have to forgive yourself in order to be able to get pregnant this time. And I really wanted to like include that because I see that so much. And it's the conversation that nobody wants to have.

SPEAKER_01 49:09

I would encourage everyone to acknowledge that we have to start considering souls as part of the conversation. Your baby has its own soul. You're an individual soul, Adrian. I'm an individual soul. The way that I look at my child, it helps me parent him in the appropriate way. I don't own my kid. Yeah, I'm stewarding my child through the first few years of his life. He's teaching me just as much as I'm teaching him. Sometimes I'm student and he's teacher, vice versa. Sometimes we're both student. Yeah, that's great. But I do think, based on what I've learned up to this point about cosmology and souls, they know they know they're coming in and they're going back out, and they know what that all looks like.

SPEAKER_03 49:53

I believe that with miscarriage, miscarriage, yes. I wanted to say that too, because miscarriage, I do believe, is part of that.

SPEAKER_01 50:01

Yeah, it's like a shortened contract, like a okay, this is for a brief amount of time, these are the conditions of that contract, this is where I'm gonna leave, right? And this is why. And they understand the why from a much bigger perspective. And sometimes the lesson is for us to understand the why from the lens that we can, yeah, you know, it is really heartbreaking to watch women blame themselves and when it's like there's so much more to this picture than your OBGYN can provide you.

SPEAKER_03 50:31

And I also want to put the pin in the fact that people will have fascinations with books like Spirit Babies, which is a great book, by the way. And they're like, oh, I'm talking to my baby spirit. That is wonderful. However, they're their own soul, right? There is a piece of their journey, and sometimes their soul can help you more from spirit side than earth side.

SPEAKER_01 50:53

I truly believe that this is why I have miscarriages as I am so glad you said that because 100% sometimes the impact is much better felt in the invisible dimension that's not accessible to the human eye. Their impact in your world is going to be so much grander than what could have happened in physical form between the two of you.

SPEAKER_03 51:21

And I think that understanding has really helped me with the fact that if you've listened to the Reproductive Rebel podcast that I do, you've probably heard me talk about this. But for any of you that are new and haven't heard me talk about my fertility journey, I had seven pregnancy losses. And that shaped me as a practitioner. It shaped me as a person. And I encourage my clients when they have experienced this, and obviously not when they're in the midst of the grief cloud, because you just want to tell people to go fuck themselves. But I encourage them to look at the gifts that they were given, what happened after. And if I look back at every single one of my losses, every single one of them was generative. It brought something into my skill set, it brought something into my family, it brought something into my practice. Every single one of them. It was one of those things where I look back and I go, that timing wouldn't have been good. But it became a catalyst for a pattern interrupt, a switch, a change in trajectory that had to happen in order for me to be able to do what I do now. And it was really only the last loss because I lost my daughter. I was almost out of the first trimester. I knew I was having a girl, she had a name, and I got the delta variant of COVID. And I felt robbed. I was so angry for such a long period of time. The irony that I miscarried on pregnancy loss and infant loss remembrance day just seemed like a great big universal fuck you to me. I was so angry. And the way that it all played out, because I had COVID, the bleeding pattern was different. Okay. So your blood is supposed to look a certain way, and I won't go into all the details here, but the bleeding pattern was different and I almost hemorrhaged. And I had skills doing what I do for work that I could get the bleeding slowed and I could get the bleeding stopped. And if I had been rushed in an ambulance, that wouldn't have happened, right? They would have just kept me in the hospital and maybe I would have ended up with a blood transfusion, which that's sketchy in and of itself at that particular time because of where we were in the timeline around COVID. And it took me almost seven months to realize the gift, but it was there. I had to bleed like that because my practitioner program had to come into existence because I needed to be able to teach other people what I know. It couldn't die with me. And that fall, I had my first class. And it's been one of the most nourishing things to teach other people how to do what I do and what I know. But that came out of losing my baby. And then the next time I got pregnant, it was my son. And it was almost like, okay, mom, you've done what we needed you to do. And now you and I can have this earthside relationship.

SPEAKER_01 54:37

Sydney literally opened so many doors for me. Yep. Like he's how I found my current mentor. He's how I found certain components of health support through expressions of his little body. He's literally, he's like, I call him my little shaman. I don't think many shamans have a temper like him, but you know, we're just gonna use, we're gonna use the word shaman. He's my little shepherd, if you will. So he's the one that oftentimes, I think very unconsciously but consciously brings me to the places that I'm supposed to be because certain things have to be born through me and I wasn't gonna find them without him. So in my own way, I deeply feel what you're talking about because I think a lot of people don't understand too. This isn't in every circumstance, but I kind of giggle. My son is older than me. There's no other way to put it. Like the older ones come in to teach, right? So I'm like, oh, he's gonna amplify my experience as not only a human existing in this world, but as a soul existing in its own world because he knows how to guide and shepherd me in a way that absolutely needs to be executed for me to fully embody. I have a soul, like I've discovered this about myself, or when the setup is not what she wants it, she's like bye. You know, like certain circumstances have got to be met, and we're finally in a lifetime where she's agreed to hang out, to fully work with things all the way through. Because, guys, if you leave, you come back for the lesson. There's no skipping school. You get failed for the grade, and then you come back and you repeat it. I don't want to do this again. No, I don't want to do this again. No, thank you. I was driving home from school after the caterpillar incident, and I came across roadkill again, this poor possum, and I was like, I cannot come back here. I can't do it. I can't come back here. I can't do this again. Yep. Like, there are contracts and agreements that a lot of you don't understand, and some of you are gonna be like, She sounds insane. Great. I'd rather sound insane than like every other person parroting a message to you right now. Yeah. Also, come back in three years. I have receipts. Thanks. So we started this whole podcast with talking about my crisis. Adrian walking me off of the ledge in regards to my cycle, because I think it's important, and we made our way through such a beautiful conversation to hear, but I think it's really important to acknowledge, even through all the other aspects of this conversation, women's bodies operate cyclically and cyclically contains shifts.

SPEAKER_03 57:19

Yes. And transmutes for the collective.

SPEAKER_01 57:23

I have done enough fucking community service.

SPEAKER_03 57:26

Well, but I'm starting to see this increase in people going, well, I thought my cycle was like lock solid, and now something's getting weird. And it's increasing with the dissonance that is increasing in the collective right now.

SPEAKER_01 57:45

And so we talked about this at the beginning of the year. You and I were exchanging messages, and I was like, I think we can write regular cycles right on out of the script because we are all gonna be processing for things that we can't even comprehend right now. I saw that in my first major full moon bleed. I was like, oh, this year is gonna be fun.

unknown 58:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 58:05

Then I've had weirdness this year too. So like things were 27, 28 days like they normally are, and then all of a sudden, I had a 24 day. And then last month I had two days that looked like I was gonna start between day 23 and day 26. I was like, ew, that was a red spot. Oh shit, it's coming. It's too early for this. And then it came on time, but my heavy day was the heaviest heavy day I've had in a while.

SPEAKER_01 58:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 58:37

So, like, there'll be something, right? It might come on time, but the bleed pattern looks different, or it might come early, but then on the month that mine came on day 24, I coasted right through it. It was like it came early because there was a lot of pressure and energy against the system. But then when it came, it was like, okay, yeah, we're good.

SPEAKER_01 59:00

This is I love cycles like that. I really do. This is not a cycle like that, but I love cycles like that. So yeah, we're in that 23 to 25 day mark right now. And I'm just like, whoops. Yeah. Yep. And if you're doing all of the things, please don't blame yourself. It's very easy to get into this. Like, I'm not doing enough. My body is failing me. Like, I mean, I could get into this is the end of the world, catastrophic thinking. And some of my thinking is really more so rooted in there are certain aspects of my life that feel very small free, period. I'm a very active person. I like going to yoga. I like getting in the water at the beach. I like being out in my garden freely moving about. And I know with the temperature rising everywhere right now, because Florida is on something. And instead of going from winter to spring to summer, we went from winter to summer and it's 10 degrees above normal temperatures right now. You know, I have to be very mindful of my exposure to the heat. So it's more tempered, right? Like in, out, in, out. And I can get very sensitive to bringing a bleed on early if I'm not mindful of that. Yeah. And my heart wants to not be mindful of that. I'm like, yeah, it's warm up. I want to be out in my garden. I want to go to the beach. I want to take yoga whenever I want to take it. And my body's like, Yosis, I need you to not do that. And I understand the reasoning behind that, but I think some of my frustration the other day was like, my life just feels small right now.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:30

Yeah. I felt that way when I was trying to get pregnant too. So I spent pretty close to eight years. Like, you know, I transitioned out of Muay Thai and kickboxing and I loved it. But I spent two weeks every month in a class second-guessing, what if I'm pregnant and I get kicked or I get punched and like that type of thing. And so then the stress of that, it didn't have the same kind of joy that it had before. But then not doing it didn't bring me joy either. And so we make these lifestyle modifications for certain kinds of end goals. And this is why I said don't panic, because there is actually more at play than just I didn't do enough to care for my body this month. And, you know, our bodies in a lot of cases start becoming projects, and then we forget how to live. Correct. And everything's about balance. You have to be able to live and care for yourself at the same time. And I was talking with my Rebel Remembered group about this last night. That one of the things that we were talking about is like this body first, business, second kind of idea that was really my commitment to myself this year is like, okay, so what does she need? What does she want? And how can I go through my days and still honor what she wants? And I feel like that's a good way to kind of look at it for everybody because we don't listen when she whispers, we listen when she screams. And so when we're starting to address things at the screaming level, it takes that much longer to back ourselves out of that pattern. So you can't help but feel frustrated when something doesn't work right because you've been working so long at it.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:19

I also want to remind everyone, and I'm gonna remind you every episode things are changing. Money is changing, culture is changing, the way we do business is changing. Okay. So we are moving. Yes, we're going to be front and center in terms of this is who I am and this is how I help you with your problem. That's gonna start resonating with a lot of people. Uranus is moving into Gemini in a few months, too. So FYI, that's historically not great for business. And it's also when millionaires are built. I don't know how else to put it. Like you're either gonna weather the storm or you're gonna wilt.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:57

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:58

But if you're feeling called to change something intuitively within your business, listen. Stop trying to follow the structures that are intact everywhere around you. Very few businesses that are built for the type of marketing we're seeing, which is psychologically negatively driven, right? And you guys know what I'm talking about. I don't have to get into it. But if you're trying to build a business according to all the architecture around you, you are going to sink. We have got to change. If the collective is changing, the way we do business is changing, the way we do money is changing. And if you are intuitively being called to change something, listen. And the physical lags. So energetically, we can make decisions physically or energetically, I can make changes on a morphogenetic field level, right? My body has to collapse into that change. My business has to collapse into that change. Okay. The change on an energetic level, almost immediate. Boom. The change on a physical level, it may take a few months, if not a few years. So we have to reorient ourselves to time and patience within it too. And on that note, anything else you want to add?

SPEAKER_03 1:04:09

Subscribe, bitches. Follow, subscribe, share this with people that you think will find it as intellectually stimulating and nourishing for the soul as you do. Because we are starting to find our tribe, guys. And like we have gotten some of the most amazing comments and feedback from you all. And I just love that these episodes are landing and resonating with you. So please do share with your community people who you think will wear the tinfoil hat along with us.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:49

Yep. All places that you can find us in video on the first two. Okay. But please know I say bitches lovingly too. And on that note, until next time, guys, stay well.