Are We There Yet?: Adult Children, Changing Relationships, and Trusting God

In our newest and final episode in our series on development, we explore one of the most unexpected transitions in parenting: navigating life as parents of adult children. Together, we discuss the spiritual, relational, and psychological shifts that happen as our role changes from managing and guiding to supporting, trusting, and remaining connected in new ways.

We talk honestly about growth, boundaries, letting go while staying present, and how our own stories, fears, and expectations can shape these relationships. Through a Christian lens, we reflect on what it means to parent with wisdom, humility, grace, and hope while trusting God with both our children’s journeys and our own.

Whether you are parenting young adults, fully grown children, or preparing for this season ahead, this conversation offers encouragement, insight, and space for reflection as we consider how development continues for both children and parents across the lifespan.

CDC Milestone Tracker App: https://www.cdc.gov/act-early/milestones-app/index.html

BabySparks - Developmental Tracker & Online Learning for Parents: https://babysparks.com/

Harvard's Center for the Developing Child: Three Core Concepts in Early Development: https://developingchild.harvard.edu/resources/videos/three-core-concepts-in-early-development/

Building Social-Emotional Skills at Home: https://www.naeyc.org/our-work/families/building-social-emotional-skills-at-home

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:02

Welcome to the Whole Person Parenting Podcast. We're here to have honest conversations about how to follow Jesus and parent kids in a whole person way. For more content and encouragement, as we support you on your journey, you can find us on Instagram, YouTube, and wherever you get your podcasts. We're so glad you're here. Now let's jump in. Hey everyone, welcome back to the Whole Person Parenting Podcast. And we are in our final episode of the Are We There Yet series, which is really exciting. It's been um a how long is it how many episodes has the series?

SPEAKER_01 0:39

I don't even know how many episodes in the series.

SPEAKER_02 0:42

Ten? I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 0:43

Close probably.

SPEAKER_02 0:44

Maybe around there. Eight to ten. Yeah. So this has been a a long um series, but it's been great. And we've been walking through the stages of development from baby, we little baby, to now. Or yeah. And what we're gonna be talking about. Yeah, the adult to parent relationship. Yeah, the adult to the parent. Which can go on until that person is uh, you know, fifty and eighty. Yeah. Or longer. Or longer. Maybe even a hundred.

SPEAKER_01 1:15

Maybe even a hundred and eighty. A hundred and eighty?

SPEAKER_02 1:19

I mean, that would be like it will be it's completely crazy.

SPEAKER_01 1:23

You had to have the baby at twenty.

SPEAKER_02 1:25

Yeah, which is not crazy. Crazy. And then and then very healthy. You guys be yeah, in for the long haul. Ugh man. I don't know if I'd want to be a hundred.

SPEAKER_01 1:35

And get to the big thing.

SPEAKER_02 1:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:40

Yeah. I don't know. I feel like I I would if I was like well enough.

unknown 1:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:45

You know, stable bodied.

SPEAKER_02 1:47

I don't want to be. I've seen a hundred years of things. Which I think is so cool. That just sounds exhausting to me. I'm not gonna lie. I'd rather be in heaven with Jesus and then parting it up with him instead of me being senile. And not all 100 not all 100 year olds are senile. Most 100 year olds are either in a wheelchair or they're senile.

SPEAKER_01 2:12

I literally just saw a a oh gosh, what was it on like a dateline or something like that? I don't remember. But they were talking about this woman who is a New York jeweler. She has like a jewelry store. She um has been, it's like a family business. She's over 100. She works every day. She gets she walks on her own. She is very like with it in her mind. And yeah, I say there's a lot, there's a lot of yeah, arguments.

SPEAKER_02 2:39

But she's the most of us staying like she's the she's not the example. She's she's the exception. She's the exception on the rule.

SPEAKER_01 2:49

I I mean I I I'll give you that. But I'm just saying it's possible. And if I could be in that state, why not? Yeah. I'd like to see a hundred years of history in real life, but yeah. Anyway, I think we're rest in peace, Betty White.

unknown 3:02

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 3:02

Was she a hundred? She felt ancient when she died.

SPEAKER_01 3:07

She's kind of always older. But anyway. But anyways, um We definitely digress here. Yeah, but I don't know how that happened.

SPEAKER_02 3:13

Basically, we're gonna be talking about parenting adults. Or do you parent adults anymore? Yeah, that's a great idea. Or are they their own adult in there, their own parents? Yeah. Yeah. Who knows? Yeah, that's what we're gonna talk about. Okay. That's what we're gonna talk about. Let's do it. All right. Let's just jump in. Okay. So let's set the scene, shall we? Yes, let's see. So there's you know, someone is 18, has graduated high school, is moving on with the next steps of their lives. Maybe moving out of their parents' house. Maybe um, maybe going to college or starting job. Yep. Or yeah, like trying to live independently. Trying to live independently. Good luck with the prices, but trying to be uh, you know, somehow doing it. Yep. Or they're failing and they're still living with their parents. No, I'm just kidding. That's not failing. I don't think that's failing. I don't think that's failing. I know how I have lots of friends who still with their parents. Yeah, but I'm 19, so I I feel like that's reasonable. It is very reasonable. Maybe 20, you get older, you as the older you get, there's there's the societal expectation that you should be out of your parents' house and living on your own. Um, and so we're gonna just kind of talk through I think part of it is gonna be culturally informed of just like what is the American culture, what do we expect? I mean, uh, and then also what does God say about like this stage and what does it look like for both the child who is now an adult and the parent. Yeah. So yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:52

Well, so you're talking about that um that uh like expectation that when you graduate from high school, that now you're an adult, now you do something, you make some kind of next step. Um, and that there's this like um belief there that that means that you're no longer like being parented by your parent. And um like for some so for some that's true. And then what does that even mean? Like, does that mean that you don't live with them anymore or not? Because I saw Is being a parent just living with them? Yeah, I don't think so. I don't think so. Um and so I think like one of the statistics that I saw I was gonna say was that like half of I think it was 18 to 29 year olds, half of 18 to 29 year olds in the US still live in their parents' home. That's insane. So they people are launching later and later.

SPEAKER_02 5:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:58

And I yeah, I do really wonder what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_02 6:01

Well, because when you think about you know, 60, 70 years ago, you were getting married at like maybe 16.

SPEAKER_01 6:10

Yeah, oh, for sure.

SPEAKER_02 6:11

And you're out. You're out before 18.

SPEAKER_01 6:13

One of my I think my great grandmother got married when she was 14.

SPEAKER_02 6:16

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 6:17

And my grandmother got married, one of them got married. I'm not sure how old. My mom got married.

SPEAKER_02 6:22

Yeah, my mom got married at six no oh no, eighteen.

SPEAKER_01 6:24

She was at she was um eighteen or nineteen. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 6:28

But now I would say the combination to get married is twenty-four, twenty-five. Yeah, even later. Even later. Yeah. So it just keeps getting pushed back. Yeah. Um which I really culturally. Mm-hmm. I don't know what that I don't know necessarily if there's a reason for that. May it could just be kind of more of an awareness of you know, the psychological too of like, okay, these like you're marrying kids are marrying, you know. That's why we think now we would think it's unhealthy or strange if someone got married at 14. Right. Yeah. Because but then back then they're just thinking, well, her body's ready to start having children, so you gotta ship her off.

SPEAKER_01 7:08

Yeah. Well, yeah, maybe our expect maybe our understanding of like readiness for launching has changed. But currently we're looking at like adulthood, what we call adulthood. So that looks like 18 plus. Yes. So this is the season that you're in.

SPEAKER_00 7:25

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 7:26

In I'm in the early stages. In the early stages of this. And so as far as like a lot of things that Presley and I have been able to talk to talk about on this podcast have been related to our own relationship. Too, we've been able to do that. And so we're gonna be able to do that about this much.

SPEAKER_02 7:45

Yes, because it's literally what we're currently living. We're currently living, and honestly. Yeah, yeah. And like honestly, there is like a weird transition out of moving away from college and wanting to call my mom all the time, and now I feel like I'm at a place where I don't need to do that. And I feel comfortable not like having to ask you about what type of like I remember I got like a sun rash at the beginning of the school year.

SPEAKER_01 8:15

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_02 8:15

And I was freaking out, and I just only wanted to call you because I didn't know what kind of medicine to take or what to do. Yeah. And now I'm someone who can do their own laundry and can do the things that they need to do to live and function and where I feel like for the record.

SPEAKER_01 8:32

I stopped doing your laundry a while ago before you leaved out.

SPEAKER_02 8:36

I would wait like three weeks to do it. Yes, I know. It would pile and pile and pile and pile. And so now I don't like going more than six days without doing my laundry. Yeah. So it just forced me to grow up. But I think the thing I felt the most when I was leaving, or now that like you, dad, and Braden have your own lives here, and I'm not as a part of it, um, it can feel like I don't know, there's a bunch of different emotions. It's like part of me knows that you guys are always here supporting me, but I'm also like, there is like the expectation within myself of like I can't just keep going to them for every single little thing. Yeah, you know. Yeah. And almost a resistance and wanting to go to them for help.

SPEAKER_01 9:27

And so I'm thinking that is like what do you think is the block on that?

SPEAKER_02 9:33

I think it's just like, well, I've been with you guys for 18 years. You did what you were supposed to do, you parented me, you loved me, but now I'm supposed to do that myself. Okay, you know, and then also like Braden should get that time with you guys like by yourself and like it's not necessarily that I feel like I'm in the way, and I know I'm not, because I know that you guys would never say that. And I don't think you think you don't feel that. But um I think there is kind of a thing inside of me that's just kind of like you've got to like you can't keep going to them for everything. Yeah. And I do understand that. And I think there is a and this is what we were talking about as well as like I feel like there's a gauge or like a uh spectrum to this with the launching, is like, and I feel like you guys have done it really well where you guys both have you know, you didn't allow me to like come home every weekend, you know, and just you made me like stay and be like, you have to make friends and figure out what to do on a weekend, you know. When you and and uh and that was helpful for me because it made me make friends and uh figure out what I was doing, but I think there's a a spectrum to this where either the parents can uh 100% launch out and they're unwilling to support, like kind of like a baby bird just like thrown out of its nest and then it falls, and it's just kind of like, well, you were supposed to have already learned how to fly. Or there's the parents that refuse to let the bird fly and keep them.

SPEAKER_01 11:21

They build an adjacent nest.

SPEAKER_02 11:23

Yes, they build an adjacent nest.

SPEAKER_01 11:24

They just build onto the nest. Yes, instead of you can stay here forever. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 11:28

And I think the way it should be is it's like you get thrown out, but if it they fall, that bird goes and downs and catches them and comes back up with them, reteaches them how to fly and keep you keep trying.

SPEAKER_01 11:40

Yes, I like this metaphor.

SPEAKER_02 11:42

I feel like I don't know why I have this metaphor. I'm really just thinking of uh Rio with the little blue bird that like falls out of its nest. It always comes back to Rio. But he just fell and he fell and he couldn't fly, and then he never learned how to fly until he was old. Oh my goodness. Bird. You know what I'm saying? And it was because, well, he never had anyone to teach him how to fly, but like also he never tried. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 12:08

So there's both. There's both the preparation, the uh follow-through, and then the effort on both parties' parts to do their role, like what their role is, and and I do think that can change, you know. I think there are different seasons. I was gonna say that I do remember having a similar, like having that similar feeling to you. Like I remember, which led me to pawning several things that I regret pawning. Because you didn't want to go to because I did not want to go to my mom for money.

SPEAKER_02 12:44

I've had the same or even pawned things, but I've not wanted to go to for you guys for money. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:49

I was like, you've already Well, she sent me money, and I still And you said I need money too, and I still don't have enough money. But I didn't know that was kind of the thing. It was like it's like for like I think it's it wasn't enough for me to continue my life as I like with bougie wanting to go shopping every Saturday or go eat out at Chick-fil-A. Yeah. Every two days. Yeah. I can't do that. So it's like you can't do that anymore, and and being like, that's not that's really my issue to deal with. But I 100% did call my mom for money, you know, for a long time. And if I ever needed money, I'm sure I could, you know, I can call her.

SPEAKER_02 13:28

Oh, she would probably still, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 13:30

So um and I'm not sure. Well, and you and your mom have a really good relationship in your 40 and 40s, and she's in her 70s. Yeah. Yeah. And like and I feel like that is another relationship we could use for this because I uh I'm the youngest spectrum of it, but you are the older spectrum of it.

SPEAKER_01 13:47

Yeah. I'm I'm how older am I older?

SPEAKER_02 13:50

I mean middle-aged. I'm middle-aged. I I'm saying out of the spectrum. The spectrum starts at 18, goes to like 80.

SPEAKER_01 13:59

Okay, okay. You're in the middle. I've been doing this for quite some time. Yes. I've been doing this for a good chunk of time.

SPEAKER_02 14:05

So and you've had to be married, but yet still connected. Have your mom. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 14:12

Yeah. And that's, I mean, and and I won't say that like I think that I think that we've done a pretty good job. And I think my mom's done a good job. Um, but I also think that there's like no perfect situation, you know, and no perfect um looking relationship because we're all just people. Um, but I think the biggest thing is that are you willing to stay committed to the relationship? Are you willing to work through the issues? And I think that's the always the most important piece of it. But it does, it is it does change because there's there's a need for mutuality there that has not been present. And so there's a shift away from like my role to the adult child is to parent them or provide for them or guide them or step in. Now you're not doing that. Now you have to wait for them to ask you if you want to. And I will say that.

SPEAKER_02 15:07

Would you say that's the case in everything? Would you say that you never have to step in?

SPEAKER_01 15:12

Um, I mean, they're autonomous. I mean, as you get to be older, now me thinking about you as a 19-year-old is probably gonna look different than when you're, you know, 30.

SPEAKER_02 15:25

Right.

SPEAKER_01 15:26

Right. And and when you have, you know, a family of your own, when you have or when you're married, you have someone else.

SPEAKER_02 15:33

Um and that person now looks after you.

SPEAKER_01 15:35

Yeah, and I'm not saying stepping in doesn't look like, hey, I've noticed X, Y, or Z. Are you needing some help? Yeah, um ver that's not taking over.

SPEAKER_02 15:46

Yeah, versus coming into their house, doing all their dishes and leaving the secret superhero, you know, came in and people totally do. Yeah, which is just a lot of people.

SPEAKER_01 15:56

I don't want to be anybody's cleaning elf.

SPEAKER_02 15:58

I don't want to be, I don't want you to clean the cleaning. I don't want to be my own cleaning elf. Yeah. Well, I'm kind of I don't know why this movie's coming to mind, but I'm thinking of Beautiful Boy, which is genuinely the saddest movie ever. But and where he's got a substance use disorder. He's got a substance abuse problem. And I'm not saying that's the extreme side of it. Yeah. But you see, like just you know, there's a probably a lot of adult parents that are parents of adults that are are not don't agree. Don't agree with their ch kids' way of life.

SPEAKER_01 16:32

Yeah, or it's like dangerous, like in that situation where you're like killing yourself over this. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 16:37

However, extremity, extreme side of it, extremity is a word, but I don't think I use it correctly. Extreme side of it is too, is like the parent can completely disown the kid, meaning like this isn't how I raised you. Yeah, you're screwing your life up, I'm not gonna be a part of it anymore. Yeah. Or there's the complete endorsement of it. I mean, there's just so many spectrums there are well.

SPEAKER_01 16:59

I will say with the sub the substance use, when you've got substance use or any kind of like wild like offer walls.

SPEAKER_02 17:07

The dad tries a beautiful boy for a really long time.

SPEAKER_01 17:09

He does, but not until he stops intervening does the kid able to figure out himself. Right. Because although that's like an effort to keep them alive, which I mean to try to combat the the impulse to keep someone you love alive is is horrific. I mean, that's a terrible place to be at. Um very, very complicated, very difficult. And but when you um and if they're a child, that's one thing. Yes, you have to do that because you're the parent and they are you know, they're minors, but when they get to be older, it actually can become a barrier to them getting what they need, which I know this is like we could talk about this at on another episode. I think we probably should like talk about the substance use um issues in families and parenting. But um, as in a you know, in a general sense, yeah, it is like I'm not here to intervene on your behalf, like in any kind of intrusive way. And if you are not taking your own steps, then I'm not going to intervene, even when, you know, maybe being like, this is this is the boundary. Like, I'm not here to make your life the same as it was when you were living in my house. I'm not here to like keep up your lifestyle. Yeah, I'm here to support you as you support yourself. And as long as that's happening, I think this is where this shifts is like as long as this happens, as long as you're doing this as an adult, then you know, I as you're as you're growing and aging, I'm I'm less inclined to even ask, do you, you know, I've noticed X, Y, or Z, unless it's like seems like it's something dangerous or, you know, really, really difficult. Um so one of the things I think that parents need to be cautious of, you know, when you're work dealing with your adult children is that understanding that, you know, you just offering what your thoughts are, offering your advice, um, whenever it has not been solicited, you know, when your opinion hasn't been asked, you know, it could come off as a criticism. It could come off as like, you're not doing a good enough job at whatever it is that I need to step in and tell you what to do and um and allow for kids to ask you and and you know, like create the gap. One of the things I was just thinking about, like one of the things that can happen, and it can happen in both directions. So you can have you can have uh kids who are feeling over responsible for their parent, right? You know, as especially with aging parents, um, they're feeling over-responsible and they may see their aging parent not taking care of themselves, not doing what they're supposed to do for themselves. Yeah, yes, and that's very common, like for you to feel like you're needing to step into this parental role. And at the same time, uh, you know, conversely, you could have the child still depending on the parent like they always have, like to the same degree. And the uh the issue is is that when when either party is closing in the gap too much, like so imagine like there's this like relational gap. What we want to see happening is that you're both you're moving together, right? Simultaneously in your meeting in the middle, meeting in the middle here. Yeah. So this is the what mutuality is like. But whenever you're covering too much of that in one way or the other, whether you're the child covering too much to the parent or parent too much to the child, then the then you don't have a space for mutuality to happen. Right. And then you are always whoever's in that role is often always covering the distance. And so creating the gap allows you to see, you know, okay, we're we are gonna come together. Okay, we are committed in into relationship. Yes, and I don't have to make that happen in you know in either direction.

SPEAKER_02 21:19

And there is like kind of a push and pull, because you had talked about um that there were times in your life where you were living with your mom or yeah, your aunt and uncle because you needed that extra support of like I can't I need some time to grow financially. Yes, you know, and there was like a push and pull, because in that scenario, they're more in the middle than you are, and you're doing less.

SPEAKER_01 21:46

Yes, yeah, they're yes, and I definitely yeah, I didn't take uh like I took advantage of that. I remember, you know, I wasn't thinking I was taking advantage of it at the time, but I think it was so soon after I had lost. That it was kind of like comforting and reassuring to be like, I don't have to worry about anything and like I don't have these bills, and so then I'm just gonna spend money on choppy dup and stuff. Yeah. And uh or eating out or whatever, and whatever I really should have been saving. And um, and that could be you know really irritating for the for the parent who's like offering you the place to live.

SPEAKER_02 22:23

Yeah, because you're like, well, I'm offering this place to live, but it doesn't really feel like you're uh taking you're taking the time in the way to me to yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:32

And so, but then you know, I needed to come to that realization of like, and and I think that my mom kind of put a little bit of pressure, like I think she asked me, and I felt kind of offended at the time, but she asked me about like when we were gonna be like leaving and or like what was yeah, something like that. And I don't even know that she really even meant it in any kind of way that was when you'd already had me intentionally, yes. In addition to you were my finish, yeah. And we were trying to finish um we were trying to finish Christian okay, that's yeah, and so because we and you were building our house, yes, and um and so it was uh but no, I think anyway, I think whatever it was, she said something like in and I felt kind of offended a little bit, and then or like how much money have you saved, or something along those lines. And then I was definitely a prodding at like uh yeah, and then I was like, oh no, I've gotta do better. And it was good. I needed, you know, at and at that point I think a wake up call, kind of I was depending on her more than I, you know, not that I not that I should I'm not gonna say should have been. I'm just saying I was depending on her more like a parent. And so then that gave her space to ask me that question. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 23:51

And so if she if you're asking your parent to come in and or if and help you, then they have the right to treat you more like a parent.

SPEAKER_01 23:59

Yes, they do than a equal. Than a than a peer. And so, like there is, you know, now I think that it was it was it's not fair when parents use that, you know, will offer help and then be like, now I get to say whatever I want to about your life and I get to dictate everything. And you know, I think that can go to an extreme, and that's not that's not helpful in the relationship. But it was, you know, I feel like she did that kind of a a right time. Um that was helpful in like a here, like let me remind you of how to fly kind of way. And so, and then I'm like, oh, and then yeah, and I was offended like I was a kid, even though I wasn't. I was full adult, but yeah, but I wasn't fully adulting.

SPEAKER_02 24:44

Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_01 24:46

Yes, I understand. So anyway, yeah, I think there's so but you want to, you you want to, if you really are both kind of if you really are independent, you really are on your own, it's you do want to have a relationship of mutuality. There there shouldn't, and and it may be push and pull, like there may be times, um, like if you know, if my mom was a sick or like, you know, having surgery or something like that, then I have a little more of the responsibility than I have other times. And and same way with me.

SPEAKER_02 25:18

If you were it going through substance, then she might have more. But in the new normal day-to-day, it should be in the middle, meeting a little bit.

SPEAKER_01 25:26

You know, I had an accident and when I was in my mid-20s and got injured pretty badly, and I and I was in another state, and my mom drove like probably way too fast um to get there, and she was there in like four hours. It should have been like six uh so but she drove like basically all night um to try to get there. And uh, you know, I didn't have to ask her for that. No, she just knew she knew that I that she needed to help me, yeah, and I did need her help, and I didn't have to ask for that. So, but that's not I feel like that's where that's where she becomes like someone that I can like really depend on, lean on and like a like a confidant.

SPEAKER_02 26:11

Because I think too, it's not like the last 18 years just disappeared.

SPEAKER_01 26:15

No, we have a relationship.

SPEAKER_02 26:17

It's not just like they become an adult and everything changes. No, and that really grow and you still have the memories, yeah. You still have your jokes, yeah, you still talk like one another. Yep, you have the same tendencies. Like yeah, I it it's it's easy to forget that these are the people who made you and formed you. Yeah, you know, and you know, yeah, that uh and they have a they do have a special place in your life.

SPEAKER_01 26:40

They can.

SPEAKER_02 26:41

They should.

SPEAKER_01 26:41

But but it has to be, you know, appropriate and it has to be like mutual and it and it and it needs to be unifying.

SPEAKER_02 26:51

And I have a lot of friends that uh I have a lot of friends who love their parents and that they like I would say that their relationship is a lot like ours, like they do it well, like the adult uh parent thing. But I also have a lot of friends that are like, oh I I couldn't wait to get out of there because I I didn't like my person parents. Like I just didn't like them. Yeah. And I mean, I think that can tie into all the things that we've already talked about in other in episodes, and just being like, if your child doesn't like you, like not saying there's a reason for it, but like what what's the you know what are there things that you need to do? Yeah, are there things that do you feel like they feel like you're constantly breathing down their neck or there's a reason that they don't want to be there because it's an environment. Maybe it's not a good environment.

SPEAKER_01 27:41

Yeah. I will say though that I don't I don't think it's too late. I think that there are definitely a lot of I mean there there are things that can be missed opportunities, and again, there's no perfect people, so there's no perfect parents. Um like we've gotten into an argument.

SPEAKER_02 27:56

I'm sure we've gotten into some sort of argument, yeah, you know, at some point this year, just being like, I when I would I would feel like you're overstepping, yeah, and you're probably not really, but then I'm just like you know, feeling like you're not respecting my independence, or I don't even remember. I'm pretty sure we had some sort of conversation like that. Something like that.

SPEAKER_01 28:15

But yeah, you know, it's not like we're perfect, but no, no, and but I will say that like even if it hasn't gone well in those earlier years, like there, you know, if you if you notice like, okay, now this adult relationship is not going as well as I was hoping it would, you know, examine your relationship, like examine your history and your life with your kids and think about like, is there something that is like a blockade that I need to address with my child? Do I need to make some amends? Do I need to, you know, come to them from as as as a a brother or sister in Christ where I'm sharing with them like where I think the fault was on my, you know, that and and if there is a rift in our relationship that I we need to address it so that we can be unified and back in unity. Um, because if we are both believers too, then then we are that. And there was a brother and sister Christ. Yeah. Yeah. There was a our pastor this morning, he um he said uh that he said God doesn't have any grandchildren. And I just thought that was I've never heard anybody say that before. Yeah, and I've never thought about that before. But like God is, you know, I think of God as father, and but that doesn't mean God is father. Yeah, it doesn't mean that Presley's got God is her grandfather. Grandfather. Yes. Yeah. No, he's her father because we are, you know, co-heirs with Jesus and he is our father. And so that relationship really needs to look more closer to what that relationship, you know, through the church and through as us as the body of Christ. Um once there's been you know full development and growth.

SPEAKER_02 30:10

Yeah. So and I think what you were talking about earlier too, I thought was really cool, is like also if you're if you're wanting a you know, relationship, um, sometimes it's really easy to for you to want them to come back into your world and forgetting that they like I've already created like for me, like I have a whole nother life at my school. Um, but I love inviting you guys into that. Like some of my favorite things this year was when my my dad and my brother came and watched me play intramural basketball and got to like just see what my life is like, you know, and and you guys getting to come and see my dorm and yeah and things like that. Um, like I really enjoy that. And it's not like I don't love being alone. Yeah, and I like seeing that. But um that's me entering back into your world. Um, and I think it's really cool sometimes is like you're maybe if you're feeling like it's you're struggling with to find relationship or even things in common, like maybe it's because you don't know their world anymore as well as you you once did, you know, because uh previously you would see them every day. Right. But if you don't know their world, it is gonna be harder to find things in common with them because you're not just in common about like what food we're both eating for dinner. We're both eating the same food. Um, but instead, like they're living in different places, and and I really enjoyed getting to share that with you guys because it was it was cool to me and see it too. Yeah, like this is this is our world.

SPEAKER_01 31:35

It wasn't, I mean, we didn't intrude on that. You asked me. I always wanted to.

SPEAKER_02 31:39

Yeah, they never just showed up to RSQ and were like, surprise. No, which would have been fine probably, but I I mean if you do that every week, then it's gonna get a little like what are you doing? No, yeah. Like I have my my schedule we never ever have showed up unannounced. No. So I mean, I just thought that would be good to say too, because it's it's it there are two different worlds now, but like God always designed like he's in our world and we are in his, like even like the spiritual and unspiritual. Invite him in. Yeah, you have to invite him in.

SPEAKER_01 32:13

He doesn't intrude, which is yeah, it's he he he we have to ask for him. And you know, if we have to ask him, he's a very gentleman of a god.

SPEAKER_02 32:23

Yeah, he's very he's going to be gentle, yeah. Yeah, he is a he's a gentleman, he's not gonna force his way in. Nope. Yeah, he's just gonna open the card and then it's a good one.

SPEAKER_01 32:34

Yeah, of what we can do with our kids is that, you know, um, and with our parents too, like, you know, do you do you need to invite your parent into your world a little bit more? Is that you know, if if that's an if that's safe, if if that's a good idea, then yeah, do that. And if there's um and then also are you taking up too much of the gap? You know, and yeah, are you taking too much of the gap? Allow for some mutuality.

SPEAKER_02 33:02

I'm gonna just read some scripture just to remind everyone that what the word of God says too is like this was God's design. Um, this isn't just this isn't even just like an American way of doing it, is that it's literally biblical. Um, because it says in Ephesians 5, uh it says verse 31, it says, Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one. And this mystery is profound, and I'm saying that it refers to Christ in the church. However, let each of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. So it's talking about, you know, marriage. But it I mean, and it is so explicitly like you were never designed to still be living with your parents forever or to stay. Yeah. It says that the man is supposed to leave the hus the mother and father, you know. And then uh even then, you know, growing up, Paul talks about how, and this is t partly talking about the spiritual walk of of becoming a disciple and letting yourself be refined by the Lord um and sanctified.

SPEAKER_01 34:05

Which is the developmental process.

SPEAKER_02 34:08

And coming back to that, but he even he explicitly um refers it to the developmental process almost, which is really cool because it says when I was a child, I spoke like a child. This is uh 1 Corinthians 13. When I was a child, I spoke like a child. I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. But when be I became a man, I gave up childish ways. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known. So it's kind of just like this idea of two of like, since we are fully known by God, like we should be able to be able to grow up.

SPEAKER_01 34:45

Yeah. You know? Yeah, like I I could get beyond where I I know in part eventually. Like as I grow in my faith and in my walk, then there's there's room.

SPEAKER_02 34:57

There yeah, yeah, for sure. For development. Yeah, there's there is a gap. Yeah, but the gap isn't a bad thing. It's a gap isn't of a distance between one person and another person. It's a gap that's meant to bring you together. Bring you together. Yeah. So I'm sure we'll be coming back to this conversation, especially about like substance abuse and yeah, like this is whole person parenting. So we were talking about parenting stuff. Yeah, but also I feel like pretty soon we'll probably drop a question box in our Instagram and you guys can submit any questions that you have. Um, because we do want to hear like what your guys' want for content is, what your guys' needs are. Yeah. Um so look out for that coming soon. You can follow us on Instagram at whole person parenting, um, or watch our YouTube, which is also whole person parenting. But you could leave a comment on our YouTube videos if you had questions. Yeah, absolutely. But it's been are we there yet? Our first series. It has been a journey. It has been a journey. A journey of development. I think um an ice cube movie.

SPEAKER_01 36:08

We're all we're full of the city.

SPEAKER_02 36:11

What's his name? Ice cue movie, yes. Oh, that's so funny.

SPEAKER_01 36:15

Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_02 36:16

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 36:17

All right.

SPEAKER_02 36:17

But yeah, thank you guys for listening. Thank you. We will see you soon. See you soon.