Ram

Nina and Monkey talk about cheddar gorge, goats, the unfortunate side of nature and trash tv. 

Questions can be emailed to ninaandmonkeyspodcast@gmail.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Yeah, this is a soft start. That new Volcan. That's what they call it, you know, in the documentaries. Soft start. Alright. So very soft start. It just means that you sort of hear the setting up a bit. We do it frequently, we just didn't know what it was called till now. I put the camera a little further away today, which gives a strong view of the elbow disappearing up, you know where. But listen. We could maybe rearrange your tail to take the edge off that. There's no hiding it, Nina. You've built a career on it. Okay, fair enough. I also have brought coffee. Oh Jesus, I hate it when she brings a coffee. I love having coffee when I do this podcast. I know that the shooking. Nina, it's the worst noise. I know. I'm sorry. Also a bit hot now, so I'm just holding it. She's just torturing we with this ever readiness. You said torturing we, which is accurate. It is accurate, but you meant torturing me. I did indeed. See these are the these are the pitfalls. Okay, first sip. I'll try and lean away, do try. So another week, another day, another week, another scary shadow on the wall. It is rather looming. I'd be scared in a haunted house if I saw that thing. That coffee sicking ghost on the wall. Leaning over again one more sip. Jesus Christ. Wait, my voice gets further away when you go to take a sip. Yes, and well done making it through the other side of the word further, monkey. It's early in the morning, it hasn't really warmed up yet. Okay, I'm gonna slide over to the side, take a sip. Hopefully you won't hear it, you guys. Uh uh and you have my dequest apologies if you do. You can make a nonverbal noise whilst I'm there. I know what you're doing, monkey. You know full well. You're rubbing it, aren't you? I'm rubbing it. Well, I have my coffee. Yep. That's what you get for being a coffee holic. It was a bit too hot, I had to spit it out, and I stopped rubbing. That was awful. I've done this twice on this podcast. It's twice. We've had we've had two burns and spits. I don't think you should do that. I think you should drink coffee in your own time. I I agree, I agree. So, alright, so the that that was a that was a bit of a shit start because of the spitting. Yeah. It was a little. And so then we did a restart and now I'm in a kind of a is this the actual take kind of mindset. Oh you gotta go with it, Nina, lean into it. Okay. I shall lean into that now. Let's think about what we've done. We're just freshly back from Cheddar Gorge. Cheddar Gorge. We went in. Um Cheddar Gorge was very beautiful. If you haven't gone, you should go, 'cause it it almost doesn't feel like you're in Britain. The road's approaching you could feel like anywhere actually, yeah, you could almost feel like you're in some sort of American canyon. But why be anywhere other than we are? That is the deeper question. All this oh we could be in France, oh we could be in Italy. Just fucking settle down where you are and say, Oh, this is nice, we're here. True, monkey. I do have that filtering um thing where I always do that. Oh we could be in it's almost like we're in Greece. Fucking shut up, you're here. Do you like it? Then enjoy it here. We just made the same point twice. Desperate for a sip of coffee and not getting on, not yet. So um we went to Cheddar Gorge and they had Arden animations in there. They had a lot of Ardman animations in the cave, monkey, just to be specific. So there are caves there dricking, horrific caves. They look like anglesms. I have no idea what one of those looks like. They look like sort of dripping inage of a of a sacred cow. Um sacred. They are like yeah, it is, it's like wounds. A bit like wounds, um bit like the inside of your cheek, maybe. Yeah, it looks a bit like that. It's a bit like that texture because the minerals have been dripping for ages. It's a disturbing pink colour, a kind of peach colour, but a godly keach, a bodily peach colour, uh and wet with it. Wet with it, slimy with it. Yes, and nonetheless beautiful. It's like hanging folds of vagina material. Well, an upward um growths, yeah, we know what you're talking about, Nina. And but never the twain shall meet. No, they just live in forever yearning from coming from above and below, because what's happening is they're dripping below, and then that is making a guy you know what I mean? Isn't that like isn't a case erotic? There's shakes everywhere. It's just a fractal of what goes on everywhere. Up ab I don't want to go there, monkey, let's not drag it all down. Although you can't deny the goat and what the the ram was doing. On the cliffs are wild goats and there was a ram and he well, I mean he wanted it. He did, he wanted it fast. From this little goat he was chasing about with his gig horns and and she was running away. I think it was his daughter. Oh monkey, I I don't why would you say I think it maybe was, that's why you would say it. But the but but running around he wanted it. And it was it was frightening. It was frightening. Yeah, if he's not doing that, then no more cute little goats. True. Why does nature have to be so fucking theral? It's uh it's what it they were so beautiful if the whole thing's beautiful, and then you see that and you go, Oh yeah, that's what that's what life is, it's gold things. It's um the gorgeous, most amazing thing, and then it's you know around chasing a goat that doesn't want it. Yeah. Uh so you you it is possible, I think, monkey, to still enjoy oh yeah, you you can still feel love and and wonder for the goats whilst uh even in the distress. Uh it's nature. You gotta get on gourd, you've gotta get this is the world we have. This is what it is, you know. So uh go to Jed Cheddar Jeddah Cheddar Try that again, go to Cheddar. Gorge at your own peril. I remember um being there as a child once, and I hadn't been there since. Anyway, it was very beautiful. It was indeed, you know, just beware of the round. There were baby goats that were so gorgeous. I mean, their knees and their little anchor their little feet, the chunkiness of those little legs. I mean, so sweet, just adorable, and you've got that round to thank. Mm-hmm. Yes, well, you're you're starting to sound a bit like uh what's his name? Tate. Andrew Tate. I'm not sound I dare you, dare you call me Andrew Tate. Fuck you, Nina. I'm sorry. Just a little bit, you know, thankful to the Ram. Well, you know, you have to be. This is truth, okay. Okay. I guess I have to be thankful to the Ram. I guess I do. I'm not happily thankful to him. No. That's a great too far. I'd like to teach him some manners. What was funny was that this younger goat was running away from him. She went under a a fence. She went under a fence that only had a tiny gap down the bottom, and then old Rangboy came following and to get his big fucking horns under the fence. He was really struggling, and I laughed at him. I laughed and Yeah, well you're gonna have to get under there, sir. Teach you. Yeah. It was weird watching his face strain under that thing with those big horns catching on the uh catching on the fence. Well, you really paint a picture. Anyway, it's all there to see. Go to cheddar gorge is my point. Cheddar was to die, though. I mean I didn't know if I was stupid to think is there cheddar and cheddar cheddar gorge? Like why is it called Yeah, like is it the champagne region kind of thing for sparkling wine? It's called cheddar 'cause it's from cheddar. And it is. And I didn't know that. I thought, well there won't be cheese there, but it sounds like there would be. And there was cheese. But there was cave aged cheese. Cave aged cheddar, and I bought a cake sliced shape of it, and that was all I had for lunch. You just kept eating the cheese. Just the cheese surrounded by gulch rounding and stalagnites and tights and lights and whatever the fuck those things are. Yeah. All of that was a big day. It was a big day out. It was a big day out. I enjoyed it. I really enjoyed it. You found the Ardman a little jarring. I love Ardman animations. I always have like my favourite things with those gas commercials back in the day. But I didn't need to see them in caves. No, because the caves was an it was a little bit like Here's a Wonder of the World, but look at this cartoon. It was a bit much. Yeah, it was a little it was a little enforced. Because I'm a big fan of Caves. She's into Carlsbad. I've been to Carlsbad and in Neha there are caves as well. I love caves. And what I like to do, she puts music on. I put some sort of epic film music like um Cornfield Chase. You know that one, uh Hansimmer, I think it's from Interstellar, and there's another one. You know, something sort of epic and building, and then you walk into a cave and then you look up at all the it goes on forever. If you go to the one in their heart, I mean it's so beautifully lit, there's no cartoons in there. It just looks like a huge cathedral, and it's extraordinary, and you have that music on and you think you're having some sort of you know uh enlightening experience. You walk around, yeah. It was really nice. You eat your cheese, get enlightened. I watched a show, oh she watched a trashy show. You know when you turn on the television, you put on Netflix and something starts up. I fucking hate it when it starts up and I haven't chosen it. Well it's loud and it jar it's jarring for anyone else who's in the room and it's just like, oh I hate a minute, I wasn't watching hold your horses, slow down around. And something started, and Nina sh slightly had to get addicted to a little act called Glock Blast. Block blast, hard for you to say. I am not addicted, but I do sometimes do I do it on the tube. You did it last night. Well anyway, I what happened was the thing started up, this show, and I think it's called Age Is Just a Number, or no, I think it's called What Is My Age Again? And it's like a dating show. I mean it's trashy as hell. It's pretty trashy. All these people are just in a place, you know, they're all very made up, you know, they're all looking their best, they're all sort of gotox and all that shit. Go talks. Gold talks. I can thank the Rams for your gotox. Um but anyway Inject that into your lip girls. Okay, thank you. The the thing is the they're dating, but they're not allowed to say how old they are. No, I don't think anybody stoops like I do. I watched, I think, two episodes in a row. Hoil's cling last. And these these people, you know, they want to get it on with someone who is younger or older than them. I mean that's why they chose them. And they've chosen people who are dep definitely you're a little bit surprised when you hear their age. So older people who look younger and younger people who look older. I mean they're just looking at it, aren't they? The producers are having us on. I mean, it was it it felt a little contrived. Obviously, they need to create a story. Well, I think they direct the whole thing, don't they? The kisses, they think is you if you're a kiss, we'd like to film it, so why don't we shut up over here? That probably is what happens. I've never been on one of those shows, so I don't really know. I'm sure of it. Anyway, so they thought they're getting the oldest keekle with the youngest keekle, yeah. And then it's so silly. I mean the whole thing is to disguise like you know s a fetish that's there in the first place. Would you call it a fetish? It's just an age cap. Well I mean yeah, I know. I I I it's not exactly a kink, it's age old. Okay, age old. Great way of describing it. Well I mean it's inappropriate in a given context. I mean it is the thrust of this show to say age doesn't matter. Because that is a sort of message that I got back in the nineties. Ay, we know what you did. And I and and for me for me looking down young, whoa no, thank you, then it does matter. I mean, just no way. But these guys, you know, it's a bit hard, isn't it, when the guys have got daughters the same age as the girls that it's a little tough, it's harder to take. Well and the women have some I don't know. It's bringing up a question. Oh, I mean listen, if everyone's happy, if everybody is happy, but you know, the young ones, they don't know what happiness is yet. Just trying to get under the fence before the ran does. No, I don't these weren't. They weren't they were hanging around waiting for the ran these ones. Jesus, what a topic of this year's This year's podcast weeks, weeks. God, time's flying, isn't it? Yeah, this year one a year we're gonna do one a year. I can stick to that. Anyway, I'm not making light of these things, you know obviously if it goes wrong and it's not wanted, it's awful. And even if it's wanted, who knows what young people want exactly. Anyway, it's a trashy show, I watched two episodes. I jury's out. We stand firmly on the fence. We do not encourage or discourage, or maybe we slightly do. I can't decide. I'm on the fence and the wang is under it, and I'm up here teetering on a hole, desperate to continue my life. So we went from the wonders of nature in Cheddar Gorge and then to the slottiness of television. It's a slutty sh you do know what I mean when the show itself is a slut. That's and don't change sluts. No uh you know, it's a slaggy show, it really is. And sometimes very occasionally I watch those. I don't tend to, she tends to watch documentaries, high ground stuff. She's always trying to ingratiate herself with uh the literati the monkey. That's such bullshit. I just enjoy documentaries, she wants to learn before she dies. I like to listen to as much as I can. I like to learn things, so that's yeah, I like to watch documentaries. Um and uh I watched a very good one. It it's a very, very dark one. It's a very dark one and it will stop you sleeping multiple nights. That doesn't mean don't watch it. It just means beware trigger warning. Yeah, serious. It's called the darkest where, but I'm not gonna go into it now. It's uh it's a fucking nightmare. It's a fucking nightmare. And you won't sleep afterwards and you'll wonder about what you can do about it. So I I wonder if it's not a bad thing for those reasons. Um but that is a uh a mitigated uh recommendation. Yeah. Alright, monkey. We need a palette cleanser. Why don't you have another shickle's coffee? I thought you'd never ask, monkey. You can you can go at it on the mic while I sit up. Thank you. I'm really sorry you have to listen to that. That's nylon on what is this a phone? Yeah. It's monkey's nylon body rubbing against the foam of the microphone. I don't think that's anyone's idea of ASIN oh no, nor do I. Nor do I. Then what did we do? We have to go back a little bit further. Was there a weekend? Yeah, the gosh. Not much happened actually, a bit of a shit weekend. Sometimes you can't think of anything to do in the evenings. Does everyone have that? I mean, there's nothing sometimes you don't want to sit still and watch, you could go out for a walk. I could go out for a walk, but that feels sometimes unfriendly, and I want to be with people and do something god gang. I love the game Katan. I sometimes I sometimes play that, but sometimes oh. Seemed like the um the video recording stopped, but I don't think it did. I don't think it did. I've listened to a lot of podcasts this week. Yes, you really got into godcast. I listened to um Romish and I listened to um Catherine Ryan, I listened to Adam Buxton, I listened to Louis Thur. I mean, there are so many other godcasts out there that you should be listening to before this drizzle. But there are some good ones, it's really nice. And then it's sort of like an ongoing friend swap, isn't it? Because then you they do your anyway. I d I dipped into the world of podcasts and why you're jealous of the uh interviewing people. Well I keep talking about this, don't I? I do want to interview people, and I think a good format would be me first and then you. Oh, cling out the the gig guns later. Well I think simultaneously it might break my brain, you know, really listening and giving the care to the other person and trying to get stuff out whereas you what you say might slam them down only if you're there, only if I'm there. So I think we'll split it, and now we just need the perfect guest, you know your suggestions, you know, on a ghost card in the Nina Monkeyspodcast at gmail.com. Suggestions, you know, and then we can reach out to people and we might try that. We might try that. We're gonna need a different setup. Yeah, we can sort that out. Um, so we have other Leicester Square gigs coming. Um, there's one a month. I think the next one has one seat left, uh, which is uh uh uh you know for one person who wants to come, there's just one left, but you can't bring a friend. Uh then there's one, there are two more added. Um I'm not sure they're both on sale yet, but they are confirmed as May and June. Uh, and they're great fun, these gigs. They're really fun. Um Monkey. Yeah. Would you like to sing a song? Yes, I would actually. Okay, I have already downloaded one. I haven't listened to it, nor have I. Uh you just you go at it. Monkey will have press play. I need a moment just to sort of tune in. Okay. Oh, isn't that pretty? I feel like I'm on Shadow Gorge. Yes, I am, I'm on. Oh, here comes the beat. Yes, I'm on the mountain in Shadow Gorge. And I'm looking at a cliff and I'm thinking about not falling off it. I like the stones in the grass. I like the swelling wood in the trees. Oh god, who's this coming over the crest of the hill? It's the little round trees, just look at those homes once we come up down. Little goat you can make the down the mountain. Little goat you can get under there, and you'll get stuck on maybe you should render for the shake of the gold changed and make some little cute. Well, there we are. Thank you, monkey. That was the strong cheddar gorge. Well done. Thank you for listening to us again. Strong's still going. I can't stop it, it's too far away. You can do the second verse. Gol in a case, get some cheddar and eat your heart out. No need for a cracker, you can get a cup of Nat Cafe from the middle of my cafe that doesn't make coffee, it's on the Nat Cafe, that it tastes pretty good with the cheese and I recommend it. And then you can walk all the way home. Alright, this is a long song and I'm running out of steam. Running out of steam. Like the old gold, like the old gold. Like a dancing monkey, but that doesn't transpire no much enough. I'm just gonna dance enough now. Put your other hand in it so I can. There you go. Oh it's nice I'm moving my arms, yes. It's a new thing, it only took us twenty years to work out that I can move my arms. Just wasn't ready for a double hander until now. I don't like the way you move, it's like idiots. What? It's like you just clapping your elbow with one hand. I don't make the noose. Thanks for listening. See you next week, guys. See ya next week. Stay cheery. Take it lightly.