How Your Relationships Affect Your Nervous System (And Your Health)

Have you ever left a conversation feeling completely drained… and couldn’t explain why?

In this episode of Healing Beyond the Symptoms, Dr. Leah Hahn D.C., explores a powerful truth:

The people in your life directly impact your nervous system — and your health.

This isn’t just emotional.

It’s biological.

Through a concept called co-regulation, your nervous system is constantly responding to the people around you — whether you’re aware of it or not.

What Is Co-Regulation?
Co-regulation is the process by which our nervous systems:

• mirror
• respond
• adapt

to the emotional and physiological states of others.

You’ve experienced this if you’ve ever:

• walked into a tense room and immediately felt it
• felt your body relax around someone safe
• left a conversation feeling either energized or completely depleted

Your body is always responding.

The Truth Most People Miss

Not all relationships support your nervous system.

Some relationships:

• create tension
• trigger stress responses
• keep your body in a low-grade state of alert

And over time, this affects:

• your energy
• your emotional health
• your physical wellbeing
• your ability to heal

In This Episode, You’ll Learn:
• What co-regulation is and how it affects your body
 • Why some people make you feel safe — and others don’t
 • How chronic relational stress impacts nervous system regulation
 • Why “being sensitive” is often nervous system awareness
 • How to recognize relationships that dysregulate you
 • Why awareness is the first step (not immediate action)
 • How to support your nervous system within difficult relationships
 • Why healing happens in safe, connected environments

Dr. Leah Hahn D.C., also shares a powerful client story illustrating how small relational shifts can create profound nervous system changes — not by cutting people out, but by becoming more aware and intentional.

Timestamp

[00:00:00] – Why Some Conversations Drain Your Energy

[00:00:40] – The Hard Truth About Relationships & Healing

[00:01:20] – How People Affect Your Nervous System

[00:01:55] – What Is Co-Regulation? (Explained Simply)

[00:02:40] – Signs Someone Helps You Feel Safe

[00:03:05] – Signs a Relationship Is Dysregulating You

[00:03:45] – Why You Don’t Always See the Impact

[00:04:15] – Compassion Without Self-Abandonment

[00:04:55] – First Step: Notice How Your Body Responds

[00:05:25] – Redefining Self-Care (It’s Not What You Think)

[00:06:10] – Real Story: Hidden Stress in Everyday Life

[00:07:15] – Small Shifts That Change Everything

[00:08:00] – Why Loneliness Disrupts Healing

[00:08:40] – Stop Trying to Fix Others—Do This Instead

[00:09:30] – The Power of Regulating Yourself First

[00:10:10] – Key Practice: Check How You Feel After People

[00:10:45] – Daily Nervous System Reset Habits

[00:11:10] – Finding Safe, Supportive Relationships

[00:11:30] – Final Takeaway: Feeling Safe Isn’t Selfish

Final Takeaway

You don’t have to change everyone around you.

But you can change:

• how you respond
• how you care for yourself
• and what your nervous system is exposed to

Because healing doesn’t happen in isolation.

It happens in a safe connection.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Have you ever left a conversation feeling completely drained and then spent the next hour wondering why? Your body was trying to tell you something. And today we're going to learn how to listen. Welcome to Healing Beyond the Symptoms, the podcast that helps people discover the root causes of their health struggles and take back control with science, strategy, and self-awareness. I'm Dr. Leah Hahn, a chiropractor and functional wellness doctor who believes that true healing starts beneath the surface. So let's dive in. I want to start today with something that might sting a little, just gently. One of the hardest parts of healing, something nobody really prepares you for, is realizing that not everyone in your life is going to show up for you the way that you show up for them. And if you're someone who naturally gives a lot, who offers care and presence and understanding without even thinking about it, that realization can be really painful because you've been doing it for other people your whole life. And somewhere along the way, you started assuming that's just what love looks like. That's just how relationships work. But here's what I've come to understand, both in my own life and in the work I do. The people we surround ourselves with have a direct, measurable impact on your nervous system, and by extension, on your health, on your healing, on how safe your body feels on any given day. And that's not just woo-woo, that's neuroscience. And today I want to talk about it in a way that's actually useful, because understanding it changed how I think about self-care completely. Let's start with the concept of co-regulation, because this is a word that gets used a lot, and I want to make sure it actually means something to you, not just as a concept, but as something you've actually experienced. You know that feeling when you walk into a room and someone is visibly tense or upset, and even if nobody says anything, you feel it, your shoulders go up a little, something in you shifts. You didn't decide to do that, you didn't choose it, your nervous system just responded. That's co-regulation. Our nervous systems are constantly attuning to the people around us, mirroring, responding, adjusting, and it's biological. It's happening all the time, whether we're aware of it or not. And it goes both ways. Think about someone in your life who, when you're around them, you just exhale. Your body softens. You feel like you can be yourself. You leave the conversation feeling more like you, not less. That's a regulated nervous system helping yours find its way back to safety. That's co-regulation working for you. But the reverse is also true. There are people, and some of them we love deeply, who leave us feeling exhausted and edgy or somehow smaller than we were before. And a lot of us have been taught to manage that, to push through it, to not make it a big deal. We tell ourselves we're just being sensitive. But your body isn't being dramatic, it's being honest, and that's worth paying attention to. Now I want to say something carefully because I know this can be a complicated topic. Some of the relationships that dysregulate us most are the ones we can't just walk away from. A parent, a partner, a sibling, a coworker we see every day. I'm not here to tell you to cut people out of your life. That's rarely the answer. And it's almost never as simple as it sounds. What I am saying is this. Most of the time, when a relationship is dysregulating us, we don't even see it clearly. It just becomes the background hum of our life. We think this is just how things are. This is just how I feel. We've adapted so well to the discomfort that we stopped noticing it's there. And one of the things I find most profound about this work is the idea that people can only meet us as deeply as they've met themselves. That person who isn't able to offer you the presence or the care that you need, it's almost never about you. It's about where they are in their own process. Their nervous system is doing the best it can, just like yours is. That doesn't mean you have to keep absorbing it. It doesn't mean you have to make yourself smaller so they're more comfortable. It means you can have compassion for them and still protect your own nervous system. Those two things can both be true. And the first step, as always, is just awareness, not action, not a conversation, not a decision, just noticing. How do I feel in this relationship? How does my body respond when this person calls or walks in the room or sends me a message? Does it brace or does it soften? Start there. I want to reframe self-care for a moment because I think we've made it mean something that it was never supposed to mean. Self-care isn't just bubble baths and manicures. At the deepest level, self-care is about learning what your nervous system actually needs and giving it that. It's about choosing as consciously as you can the people and the environments and the rhythms that support your regulation, not just occasionally, as a practice. I think about a woman I've worked with, I'm gonna call her Elaine, who came in caring so much. On paper, she was doing a lot of the right things. She was a mountain biker. She loved to ski and run and rock climb. But what we discovered when we started working together is that her daily environment was keeping her nervous system in a constant, low-grade state of alert. There wasn't one big dramatic thing. It was just the accumulation, the relationships that took more than they gave, the constant need to manage other people's emotions, the way she never quite felt like she could put the weight down. And as her nervous system started to settle, as she started to actually feel safety in her body, maybe for the first time ever, she began to notice things she'd been moving too fast to see. She started recognizing which relationships left her depleted, how she could show up for others and then leave as her nervous system started to give her cues that she needed breathing room and space. She started making different choices, small ones at first, and that's how it goes. I love deep connection and deep conversations where surface level, small talk, super social situations can leave me feeling exhausted and depleted. You don't have to fix everything at once. You just have to start paying attention and recognizing what your own needs are. And from that awareness, you can ask yourself, what is one thing I can do to support my own nervous system? Not for anyone else, just for me. Maybe that's choosing to spend time with the person who makes you feel like yourself. Maybe it's choosing to not engage in the conversation that leaves you spinning. Maybe it's five minutes of stillness or a walk or a phone call with someone who genuinely gets you. Loneliness, by the way, is deeply dysregulating. I want to say that clearly because sometimes self-care looks like reaching out, not pulling back. Healing happens in connection with people who allow you to be seen and feel safe and fully human. It's about finding the right relationships that honor your needs, your energy, and your boundaries. The last thing I want to talk about today is something that sounds simple, but is genuinely one of the hardest things I know. Keeping the focus on yourself. When we're in relationships that feel hard or complicated, when we can see that someone we love is struggling, or when we feel unseen or misunderstood, our instinct is often to try to fix it, to explain ourselves better, to adjust how we're showing up, so that maybe this time it'll land differently. But trying to change other people is almost never where the transformation lives. What actually changes things, what actually gives you back your power, is changing how you relate, how you respond, and how you care for yourself inside of that relationship. That shift from focusing outward to focusing inward is one of the most healing things I've ever witnessed. Because when your nervous system is regulated, when you feel genuinely grounded in yourself, you stop needing the other person to be different in order for you to be okay. And that is a completely different kind of freedom. And here's something that always moves me about this work. When one nervous system settles, it often helps another settle as well. You can't force that. And that's not selfish, but that is profoundly generous. Here's what I want you to walk away with today. Start noticing. After you spend time with the people in your life, your partner, your kids, a coworker, a friend. Just check in with yourself. How do I feel? Do I feel more like me or less? Your body always knows. Let it tell you. Practice self-soothing, not as a luxury, but as a daily necessity. Breathing, gentle movement, time outside, stillness, warmth. Even 10 minutes creates a real shift in your nervous system over time. Look for community that supports your healing. Seek out people, even just one person who allows you to be seen, safe, and real. That is connection, and it's not optional. It's part of how we heal. And keep the focus on yourself. You can't change other people, but you can change how you care for yourself. And that changes everything. Thank you for being here with me today. This one's close to my heart because I think so many of us have spent years pouring into everyone around us while quietly running on empty. And you deserve more than that. You deserve relationships that feel safe. You deserve a nervous system that isn't always bracing. And you deserve to experience what healing actually feels like from the inside out. If you're curious about nervous system-based support and what that could look like for you, I'd love to invite you to book a wellness consultation at BodyandBalanceCarepractic.com. We'll talk about where you are, what your body needs, and what a path forward might look like together. If today's episode created a spark within you, please share it with someone who needs permission to start noticing. And please take a moment to like, subscribe, and leave a review for the podcast. Your reviews help more people discover these conversations about healing, nervous system health, and living beyond the symptoms. Thank you so much for being a part of this community. And until next time, breathe deep, choose yourself, and remember, going where you feel safe isn't selfish. It's essential. Thanks again for joining me today on Healing Beyond the Symptoms. If you've been curious about network spinal or if you've tried everything else and still feel stuck, I want you to know this. Your body is not broken. It's patterned. And those patterns can change. If you're ready to experience how gentle care can lead to profound transformation, I'd love to invite you to book a wellness consultation at BodyInBalanceCarepractic.com. Together we'll look at what your body needs to finally release, reset, and thrive. Until next time, breathe deep, trust your body, and remember, gentle can be powerful.