29. Why It Feels Scary to Step Into the Life You Actually Want

Have you ever felt terrified to step into the life you’ve always wanted - because it means saying goodbye to your old identity? What if the life you’ve prayed for...the one you’ve worked so hard to build...actually feels scary to step into? 

In this episode, I’m sharing the day I said goodbye to my old life - literally walked out of the apartment where I’d rebuilt myself piece by piece - and why I was scared even though it was exactly what I wanted. We’ll talk about the identity you have to release when you step into healthier patterns, and why your nervous system might panic when life gets better. We’ll explore why your nervous system might not react well when you're finally ready to leave survival mode and embrace what you deeply want, like wanting to be in a healthy relationship.

We’ll dive into how to let go of your old self, understand your fear of change, and finally step into the life you want. If you’re navigating the journey of transforming your relationships and rebuilding after hard chapters, this episode will give you the courage to move forward.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Welcome to Heal Thrive Prosper. I'm Andrea Tanase. And if survival mode made you forget who you are, I'm here to help you remember. After hitting rock bottom and rebuilding my life from the inside out, I now guide people like you, the cycle breakers, the strong ones, the overachievers, to unlearn harmful patterns, reclaim your worth, and build a love and life that feel like freedom, not survival. So grab your favorite snack and let's heal, thrive, and prosper together. Welcome back. This week something dawned on me. It's been exactly one year since I moved in with my fiance. And you might be thinking, well, what's the big deal? Well, for me, this is the day I said goodbye to my old life, but not in the dramatic way of the way that I said goodbye to my old life when I left my abusive relationship, when I started my healing journey, when my life just got turned completely upside down. It was a moment where my desire and fear had a head on collision. And a lot of times when this happens to us in life, we mistake that collision for a sign that we're not ready for whatever it is that is in front of us. And that couldn't be further from the truth. So it was March 30th, 2025. Again, the last day in my apartment, the apartment that I rebuilt my entire life in, piece by piece. And the fears that came up really surprised me. And now that I've had some time to process, I realize what it is. I was really afraid of the identity that I had to let go of to step into this new chapter. I was no longer going to be the hyper-independent girl. I was no longer going to be the person that did everything on my own with no help, that built all my furniture, that put up pictures on the walls, that carried a 60-inch TV up a flight of stairs by herself. Yeah, I did that. But all jokes aside, that was the real fear that came up. A chapter came to a close, and I had a moment of grieving, letting go of that version of me. The version that survived, the version that did everything possible to make this happen. The only reason I got to this fork in the road, or not even really a fork, because it was a really easy decision. But the way I got to this healthy relationship and the way I was able to show up in it and build it and foster it was because of that version of me. And it happened in this apartment, a lot of it, a lot of the hard work, the breakdowns, the journaling, you know, starting my Instagram page in 2019 when I had no idea what I was doing or what was going to happen with it. The moment I decided on Heal Thrive Prosper, that name, that name of my Instagram, the name of this podcast, the name of my business, was on that couch in that living room. It just came to me. I just sat down one day and I knew it was going to be something. So all of those things were swirling in my mind as I stood there by myself the last day. Went to drop off the keys, the gate clicker, called my landlord, and I went in my apartment one last time. It was surreal. Truly the beginning of the chapter I had been praying for and working toward. And so I want to talk about the fear that came up. Not a lot of people talk about this part of growth and this part of healing and actually getting the things that you're working towards and deeply desiring. There is so much grief in outgrowing the person that just kept you alive and kept you going through the toughest times. We don't talk about how terrifying it is. Step into a life that your nervous system has never experienced before. We don't talk about how thinking, oh, I'm not ready, is usually just your body saying, I've never been here before. Please just go slowly and don't forget the versions of you that brought you here. As you start moving in the direction of those huge things you are desiring in life, whether it's your dream career, your dream partner, your dream business that you're building, if you're scared, if you're hesitating, and if you're wondering what you'll lose by choosing the life that you actually want, I need you to hear this. You're not losing yourself. You're meeting the version of you that has the thing that you want. And yes, it is a different version. It's something that you created, that you worked towards, that you didn't have before. It's a layer to your identity that is new and it is scary. Especially when it's a healthy relationship that you're striving for, at least for me, I didn't know what that looked like. I wasn't raised in a home that showed me what positive, healthy communication was, what healthy love was. I had to unlearn so much, and I had to learn how to love my partner in a healthy manner, even though it was never shown to me. And it wasn't easy, but it's what I was deeply desiring, it's what I had always wanted. So fear doesn't mean stop. And I've talked about this before in the episode that is just about fear, but fear means you're standing at the threshold of your next chapter. And so, yes, you will have to leave some things behind. Like I said, I don't think I will ever carry a 60-inch TV upstairs by myself. In fact, my fiance will not let me. He wouldn't let me do that. I'm not going to build furniture by myself. I might actually never build furniture again. I had to let go of that version of me. I had to say goodbye to certain things. I had to say goodbye to making dinner by myself, dinner for one. There is no dinner for one anymore. And it's scary, but it's beautiful. And so when that new reality really hit me in the face and I was standing there in my apartment, I was just scared of what I would have to let go of and what it looked like. And you really don't know until you take that step, until you do it, until you actually go through the threshold and start that next chapter. When people come to me looking for guidance and coaching to work toward that healthy relationship that they are desiring, they want to know that they will not abandon themselves, that they will not leave themselves behind in search of that partner. That's the work I do with people every day. So I urge you that if you're on the threshold of even making a decision that will take you closer to what you want out of life, take fear as a sign of expansion. Take fear as an evidence of your desire and look at fear as that threshold. If you are 100% in knowing what direction you need to go in, and you know you are in alignment, now the only work you have to do is figuring out okay, what support do I need to move forward? What's my hurdle? Where am I stuck? How do I get closer to that place? And so if you're at the edge of that next chapter, as always, I encourage you to book a clarity call with me. Let's look at the patterns that you've been surviving, the life that you've built so far, and let's look at the life that's trying to meet you on the other side. I would love to help you, whether you just continue listening to the podcast, whether you follow me on Instagram at Heal Thrive Prosper, whether you book that clarity call and decide that you do want to work with me or not, I hope that I am some part of that journey and you taking the next step forward to what you truly desire out of life. And if that is a healthy, happy relationship, then I am your girl. It doesn't have to be scary. You don't have to lose yourself, but you do have to open your arms to that next chapter and be ready to embrace it. And if you're listening this far in the episode, I think you're ready. The life that you deeply desire, the love that you deeply desire, it is there for you. Just take the next step forward. Thank you for listening today, and I'll see you next time.