33. The Hidden Beliefs Blocking You From Healthy Love

Ever wondered why a healthy relationship can feel just out of reach, no matter how hard you try? In this episode, we're diving into the hidden beliefs that quietly hold us back from the love we deserve. If you've ever caught yourself asking, "Why can't I have a healthy relationship?" or "What’s blocking me from trusting myself and others?"...this conversation is for you.

We’re stripping back the survival‑mode mindset and getting real about the identity shifts that open the door to steady, mutual, emotionally aligned connections. Tune in for a clarity‑driven exploration that’s all about rewriting the old beliefs that have kept you from the love you’re more than worthy of.

And for every accomplished woman who’s felt exhausted from the search, this is your place to reconnect with your own power to believe in something new. We’re here to remind you that healthy love isn’t just possible - it’s a space you can step into by trusting that you’re allowed to change your beliefs, shift your identity, and fully receive the love that aligns with the truest version of you. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Welcome to Heal Thrive Prosper. I'm Andrea Tanase, and if survival mode made you forget who you are, I'm here to help you remember. After hitting rock bottom and rebuilding my life from the inside out, I now guide people like you, the cycle breakers, the strong ones, the overachievers, to unlearn harmful patterns, reclaim your worth, and build a love and life that felt like freedom, not survival. So grab your favorite snack and let's heal, thrive, and prosper together. Today we're diving into a very important conversation regarding beliefs and shifts that I had to make before healthy, aligned love was even possible for me. And I want to take a second to acknowledge that these were not mindset tweaks, they were identity level shifts. And you might be wondering, well, what's the difference? A lot of people will talk about mindset, change your mindset, think differently. But there is a difference between your mindset and who you believe you are at your core and what beliefs drive your everyday decisions. So a mindset tweak changes how you think, but an identity shift changes who you believe you are. You can in your mind decide that you are trying to act confident and exude confidence, but that's different than becoming someone who is confident and someone who knows that her voice matters. Those are different. And so you're not about to hear tips or surface level advice per usual. You're about to hear identity shifts. And stick around because towards the end, I realized that all of these beliefs really led to one core belief that I had about myself that absolutely needed to be addressed. And I see the same belief in my clients today. And I find that it's something that really keeps people from going for the things they truly desire in life. Belief shift number one was the shift from the I don't need anyone, I can't trust anyone mentality to a new belief. The belief that I welcome aligned support, I deserve aligned support, and I seek aligned support. There was a time where I was queen of hyperindependence and it was a way of protecting myself. I had a series of bad experiences with people who did not have good intentions for me. And there were a lot of reasons for that. But coming out of that pattern and realizing something had to change, my old ways of saying, I don't need anyone, I can't trust anyone, no one's trustworthy, I can't even trust myself, even. I realized that receiving support and being able to receive help and ask for help is actually a relational skill. And I used to think of it as a weakness. I thought, well, if I need someone, I'm setting myself up for betrayal to be let down, et cetera. And it's life. And yeah, those things will happen, but it is not normal to only have a series of bad experiences in your entire life. And that was the case for me. I was in my mid to late 20s and I had no good examples of romantic partners in my life. I did not have a good support system. I did not obviously have a good relationship with my family. And so I didn't know how to receive support. I had never gotten consistent healthy support. But as I healed a lot of the patterns from those terrible situations and people who did not have good intentions for me, I realized that healthy love requires receiving, not over functioning, not, you know, giving too much, not overextending myself, not any of those things, but it requires ability to receive and obviously receive from the right people. And so I mentioned that it's not normal to have only had negative experiences with people and to be at a point where you feel like you can't trust anyone. And I don't mean that it's not normal that it's not something that happens often because it is. There are a lot of people who feel that way. I'm saying it's not normal in the sense that it shouldn't be normal. We should grow up with healthy examples of love, with support, with good boundaries being modeled, with emotional intelligence being modeled. But that's not the case for a lot of us. And I know it wasn't the case for me. We are going to move on to belief shift number two that I needed to make, that I ended up making on my very long healing journey in order to find healthy love. Belief shift number two is that my past defines my future. And what it turned into and what I believe now is that I am the creator of my future. I am building the future that I want. I have that power. So because of all the negative experiences, because of how I was raised, because of my outlook and my mindset on life, and also because of deep down my identity, what I believed about myself, I thought that the experiences that I've had were the experiences that were bound to continue because I didn't know anything else. And I didn't realize anything else was better. And I've talked about this a lot, but I had the mentality of even when I started healing, that if I got into a situation that was just a little bit better than the very terrible situation I was just in, that it was great. And that's because I had no clear vision, no clear understanding of what was possible for me, how much good is out there, that love is out there, that support is out there, that good friends are out there. So I thought my past and the horrible things that happened to me were going to continue into my future. And now, as I've spent years undoing these relationship patterns that I no longer wanted to be a part of and now helping other people do the same exact thing, I know that I am creating my future day by day. What I believe, what I stand by, my actions every day, they are the blocks for tomorrow and the next day and the next day. And I have a clear vision and I'm going in a certain direction. And I don't believe that all of the bad things that have happened to me, even bad things that I've done, mistakes that I've made, I don't think that defines me. It doesn't define my tomorrow. And if you're listening right now and you think that all of your bad experiences, whether it's dating, whether it's your family life, whether it's your friendships that need attention, that are lacking, that you think could be better. I want you to know that you can create that better. You can work on that. It's in your hands. I've caught myself repeating old patterns, reacting in the same ways, especially very early in my healing journey. Your past might explain you, but it doesn't get to author you. And that's what I realized. I would catch myself and say, you know what? This isn't a pattern I want to continue. I'm actively working on this. I don't want to be like this anymore. I'm becoming aware of these things. And I know they can't come with me in my future. And they don't go away overnight, these patterns. You have to work on them and you have to get support. You have to have someone alongside you who understands, who can help you see them, who can guide you along. Healthy love requires choice, not being on autopilot, not being in survival mode. It requires you to be aware of where you're at and have a vision of where you could be. And it requires you feeling like you have agency, that you're not just flowing through life and things are happening to you, but that you are making decisions that are impacting your future. This shift was powerful for me. I realized I wasn't limited to the experiences I had before. I realized that I could experience new things, healthy things, amazing things. And I want you to believe that too. Along with believing that good things are out there for us, this leads me directly into belief shift number three, which is that wanting more than survival is unrealistic. I used to believe, and I was told, that certain things were not for me, that certain jobs were not for me, that healthy love was not for me, that chaos was for me, that I deserved what I had in my life, that I deserved being underpaid and overworked, that I deserved being in an abusive relationship. And that sounds wild, right? And I wanted more than that, but I couldn't get more than that. I couldn't get better than that until I changed that belief. That belief that wanting more than survival mode is unrealistic. I know where it came from. I've talked about my family life and I've talked about how my parents grew up in Eastern European communism, and that survival mode was really survival mode for them, and that's what they grew up in, and that's what they imparted on me. Stability, survival. That's what you need to worry about. But I realized that I needed to shift that belief and shift it into I deserve more than just quote unquote, not as bad as before. I deserve to identify the things that I actually want out of life. They might seem unrealistic. Yes, based on my past, if I told you all the things that I had been through and where I am today, right now, how my life is, it would be really unrealistic. It wouldn't sound like maybe it was possible, but here I am, here talking to you, talking to people in 26 different countries now. That's how many countries are listening to me talk about my life, talk about how I can impact your life and how I can support you on your journey. That sounded unrealistic even a year ago, actually. And all the things I have in my life sounded really unrealistic 10 years ago. Like uh dang near impossible. I wasn't even thinking about them. So that belief shift is so important. Wanting more than survival mode is why we're alive. We're not alive to just survive, we're alive to thrive. That's why my business is called heal, thrive, prosper. That's what I'm here for. That's what I want to help people do. I want you to heal those patterns and wounds from the past. I want you to thrive and not only thrive, I want you to prosper. I want you to look around and say, I cannot believe this is my life. My life is amazing. My standards previously were built from survival, not desire. And I realized that something that wasn't as harmful as it was in the past isn't the same thing as having something healthy. And I had to identify what do I want? What is healthy? What is good? Healthy love requires desire and knowing what you desire, not settling. And I want you to think about what it is that you've been told is unrealistic and what is unrealistic based on your past. And I want you right now to tell yourself that it's actually not unrealistic, that you can have it. You can. It is possible. That leads me into belief shift number four. The belief that silence keeps you safe, that shrinking your desires is safe. I realized as I was healing that my voice protects me. Staying silent, a thought protected me, but it was keeping me from those things I deeply desired. Shrinking my needs and my wants and my desires wasn't protecting me. It was keeping me from them. I was around people who didn't see what I was worth, didn't see what was possible for me, didn't have the vision. And I had to get away from that. I had to realize what I want, what I need, what I think. Those things matter. They're who I am. Healthy love requires expression, not disappearing. If you cannot truly express yourself, if you don't feel safe to express yourself, and if you don't know how to express yourself, that is something you will have to work on just like I did to be able to be in that healthy dynamic. As I was doing this work, something clicked. All of these beliefs, even though they look different, were pointing to the same root truth. Once I saw it, everything in my relationship started to shift even more. I'm gonna share that truth in a moment because if you understand it, you'll know exactly where to start in your own healing. All of these symptoms were of one root issue. I didn't fully trust myself, my voice, my needs, I didn't know my worth. I didn't trust in my ability to choose differently. I didn't trust in my ability to receive love safely. So healthy love really begins with self-trust, with the relationship with yourself. Every belief shift was really a step toward becoming someone who trusts yourself again. As you've listened to these beliefs, if you can relate to any of them, I hear you, I feel you, and I'm here for you. If you want help identifying the beliefs that are shaping your patterns and your relationships and start working on that shift that would change everything, make sure you get on a call with me, get on a discovery call, let's talk and let's take that brave step together. If you haven't joined the newsletter, joined me on Instagram, or booked your discovery call, all those links are in the show notes. Thank you so much for listening, and I will see you next time.