36. Inside My Talk at a Mental Health Symposium: Three Unexpected Lessons on Relationships and Leadership

In this episode, I’m bringing you inside my presentation, Building Cultures of Care: Relational Leadership for Systemwide Wellness and Belonging. I recently delivered this talk at a mental health symposium for education professionals. I spoke to a room full of mental health leaders - counselors, school psychologists, and district-level professionals - about what it truly takes to create cultures of care inside schools and systems.

We explored how relational leadership shapes the educational field, why emotional wellness must be centered in leadership practices, and how the hardships leaders face - both personal and professional - impact the way they show up for their teams, their students, and themselves.

And there’s a twist: while I went in to teach, I ended up learning just as much from them. The lessons I took away were truly surprising and eye-opening. In this episode, I’ll share not only the insights I brought to the table but also the valuable perspectives I gained from these incredible professionals. It's a conversation filled with mutual learning, and I can’t wait to share those surprising takeaways with you.

Transcript

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Welcome to Heal Thrive Prosper. I'm Andrea Tanase. And if survival mode made you forget who you are, I'm here to help you remember. After hitting rock bottom and rebuilding my life from the inside out, I now guide people like you, the cycle breakers, the strong ones, the overachievers, to unlearn harmful patterns, reclaim your worth, and build a love and life that feel like freedom, not survival. So grab your favorite snack and let's heal, thrive, and prosper together. Welcome back to the podcast. I don't know what's in the air, but life has been a little wild the last couple of weeks. Amidst health challenges that my husband is going through that completely blindsided us. I took off some time from work, but I had a planned speaking and engagement that I did show up for last Thursday. And so I want to talk about that event, what it meant for me, but also the lessons that I took away from it, just being in a room full of educators, of people making an impact every single day. And I went into that space very honored to have been invited to lead a breakout session, but I walked out learning from the people that I was there to teach, which is something I love about speaking, teaching, leading workshops, coaching, and all of that is I learn from everyone else. And it makes me a better person, every experience that I have. So it was a mental health symposium, a two-day event at the Confession Center in the city that I live in, which I have been to events there. It's my first time being a part of an event there, but the event brought together educators from across Southern California. Most of the major school districts had teachers and representatives there. And the focus was on educationally related mental health services. And the keynotes and breakout sessions were designed to support adults who support students with disabilities. And walking into that space, I knew how to be speaking to people who carry a lot: teachers, specialists, therapists, school psychologists, administrators, all navigating systems, expectations, and just the emotional weight of their work. What I wasn't expecting was who was going to show up to my session and what they had to say. So my breakout session was called Building Cultures of Care, Relational Leadership for System-Wide Wellness and Belonging. And my intention with this breakout session was for them to reflect, identify the patterns that are showing up in the way they relate to their peers, the way they relate to students, understand how those interactions have a system-wide impact and learn practical strategies to support repair and mutual care. And we started with a patterns audit to understand what patterns are leading their interactions, the way they deal with other people and how that affects the overall culture and how that trickles up and down, to be honest. And then later on, we had a group discussion. And in that discussion, I was astounded at what I heard. And so before we get into that, I'm going to start with one of three major takeaways that I had from the entire experience. The first one being embracing the power of not making assumptions. I'm sure you've heard before that making assumptions usually isn't the best, especially if you're going off of no actual data or information. And it's really just assumption based off of nothing, right? Maybe your prior experience, maybe a feeling. And sometimes assumptions are right, but when they're wrong, that isn't the best. And often we don't need to assume. We can slow down and actually get some information that can change the entire trajectory of whatever the situation is. In this example, and in this case, and what happened to me is that I walked into that conference. There was a keynote speech at the beginning of the conference. All of the attendees of the conference were in one large room. And at one point, someone asked, you know, how many of us in the room are our teachers? And so a ton of teachers raised their hand. It to me overwhelm overwhelmingly looked like there were majority teachers in the room. Well, it came time for my breakout session. And what assumption could I have made about the people that were in that room? As they slowly trickled in, I was getting mentally prepared. I was looking around. And I could have also assumed that that room was full of teachers, but I didn't. And I'm so glad I didn't. Y'all will not believe it. Well, maybe you will, but I couldn't believe it. I decided to say, okay, we're gonna get started. I want to know who's in the room. Raise your hand if we have some teachers in the room. Completely expecting 90% of the people, maybe not 90, but you know, 80% of the people to be teachers. So it turns out my group, the people who showed up to my session, saw the title and the description, saw my bio, were overwhelmingly school psychologists and counselors, which I absolutely love, but it definitely took me by surprise. There were at least 20 people in the room, two of which were school administrators, so higher up in leadership, the rest all counselors and psychologists. So in this moment, I decided that I was going to veer off my plan a little bit. I am so glad that I embraced the power of not making assumptions. And what do I mean by that? I mean there is power in getting information. And this is a simple example, but I could have easily just not asked who was in the room, assumed, and it would not have landed. It would not have landed for them, for their day-to-day experiences and for what they do. And over and over again, I feel like I learned this lesson. Assumptions close doors. Curiosity is what opens them. I decided to change my plan, started the breakout session with a story, and I weave that story through the whole presentation, and then it led to the breakout session or the discussion discussion session that I opened up in groups for them towards the end. And this brings me to lesson number two: mastering the art of flexibility. When the workshop room ended up being filled with completely different people than I expected, I pivoted quickly, gracefully, and not to spoil anything, but I had multiple people come up to me after the breakout session to let me know that it was great. Most importantly, the organizer who was watching from the green room and I had no idea the whole time. I was just in the zone with my group. I created my presentation and this topic specifically crafted for people in leadership in educational systems. I didn't know who was going to show up. And I honestly wasn't ready for just one certain demographic to show up, but I pivoted and I delivered anyway. And I didn't let my ego or thinking that, oh, I spent so much time, you know, presenting or preparing this presentation. I have to follow through with it and make it worth my while or whatever the case is that I could have thought. I thought, how do I deliver the best, most valuable content and story? And how do I create a space for the people that actually showed up, for the people that are spending their precious time, you know, listening to me? And that's what I did. A lot of times when we need to pivot in life, in relationships, in leadership, we take it as a setback when really it's just an opportunity. And that's exactly what I saw. I now looking back at it, could see that a previous version of myself would have maybe frozen, would have maybe internally freaked out, would have just popped, probably just delivered whatever I had planned to deliver. And I wouldn't have been able to navigate that situation with the ease that I did. And that just speaks to the work that I've done and why I am in these spaces. And it really just didn't reinforce for myself that I belong in these spaces. I belong doing what I'm doing and doing this work. And it was a great moment. It was amazing. I was so, so, so tired and exhausted. I had spent days, you know, by my husband's side in the hospital. I had almost no energy. I was running on fumes and coffee and showed up to this event not knowing what to expect. My first time attending, my first time presenting there. And delivering at the level that I did really just filled up my soul. And although my body was exhausted and I mentally and emotionally was going through a hard time, I it just lit me up to be there, to hold space for people to deliver on what I came there to do. So I want to encourage you, if you're listening to this, that it's not only about mastering the art of being flexible, but it's about mastering the art of how you see situations. Do you look at setbacks or mistakes or surprises as a failure, or do you look at it as a learning opportunity, a challenge, a chance to get better? This is really what sets apart people who are continuously learning, improving, and just becoming better at their craft, becoming better people, and those who just get in their own way over and over and over again. Which leads me to the biggest surprise of the entire experience. In the breakout session at the end, I had them reflect on what pattern do they default to in times of conflict and how do they deal with conflict? And I really wanted to get at, you know, emotional regulation and see what tools people are using, if they need tools, what they're relying on. But I heard something that surprised me and really shook me to my core. People navigated challenges that I wasn't expecting to hear about. The hardest part of most of their roles as counselors and therapists, psychologists, wasn't their work with the students in crisis mode or giving their recommendations or doing the paperwork. It was their relationships and interactions with other adults, either peers or people in leadership positions. And it was the same thing from every single group. And I was really left speechless. And another thing I noticed when people were telling me how they navigate these challenges was that it was a lot easier to navigate the workplace when they had peers they trusted and leaders who created space for honest conversations. A couple of the groups reported back when we got back in the main group that they had other peers that they relied on to de-stress, to talk about their day, to talk about how they handle a certain situation. And that that really helped them be able to go back to doing that work day after day. So that was my third lesson that strengthening peer and even leadership relationships is a pathway to impact, is a pathway for them to be able to continue doing their very, very impactful and important jobs. Impact doesn't happen alone, it doesn't happen in a vacuum. It happens in community, in collaboration, in the spaces where every single person feels safe, seen, and supported. So as we bring this conversation to a close, I just want to say that these lessons about staying curious, not making assumptions, being flexible, and building strong relationships are really at the heart of the work I do. At the end of the day, it's about creating spaces where we can be more aligned in our relationships, whether those relationships are at work, in our personal lives, even the ones we have with ourselves. These lessons matter so much because they're the foundation of the relationships that we're all striving to have. For the women I serve, those who are building aligned relationships and full lives, who may be serving in leadership roles themselves, these principles of curiosity, flexibility, and strong connections are what helps them find the kind of love and partnership that feels right for them. And also allows them to collaborate and build relationships professionally as well. So thank you for joining me today. All resources, ways to work with me, and ways to keep in touch with me are in the description. Thank you so much, and I'll talk to you soon.