37. No One’s Coming to Save You: Your Desires Aren’t Random, They’re Direction

In this conversation, I share the truth that changed my life:
your desires aren’t random, they’re direction.  
They’re the clearest map you have toward the relationship, belonging, and self‑trust you’ve been craving.

I recorded this episode for the woman who wants more but feels stuck between desire and fear.
For the woman who wants love but is terrified of repeating old patterns.
For the woman who wants to take action but keeps waiting for clarity, confidence, or permission.

Inside this episode, I share the identity‑level shift that helped me stop hiding behind fear and start honoring what I truly wanted.
Because desire isn’t chaos. Desire isn’t selfish or irresponsible.
Desire is information and direction.

If you’re ready to stop letting fear run your love life and start taking your desires seriously, this episode will meet you exactly where you are.

And if you want support finding your next aligned step, you can book a mini session with me.
Together, we’ll uncover the one action that honors your desire and moves you toward the life - and love - you actually want.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Welcome to Heal Thrive Prosper. I'm Andrea Tanase. And if survival mode made you forget who you are, I'm here to help you remember. After hitting rock bottom and rebuilding my life from the inside out, I now guide people like you, the cycle breakers, the strong ones, the overachievers, to unlearn harmful patterns, reclaim your worth, and build a love and life that feel like freedom, not survival. So grab your favorite snack and let's heal, thrive, and prosper together. Welcome back. If you're listening to this right now, that means the title didn't scare you away, which means you're the perfect person I want to talk to. Today's episode is one that I've been wanting to record for a while, but I waited because I wanted a couple of things in my life to come to fruition. And so I can talk about them and really show you with examples why your desires are not random and why you should take them seriously, and why they are your compass and your direction. Again, I know that no one's coming to save you title. Sounds intense, but it's also the most loving thing I can tell you. If you're listening, you're probably someone who has desires you've been carrying quietly, desires you tuck to the back of your mind, desires you've been telling yourself you get to one day, whether it's taking dating seriously, getting clear on the partner you want, getting healthy and working on your mental and physical health, so many things, right? That you know you want or need in your life. And here's the truth: no one is coming to hand you those things. No one is coming to hand you the life that you want. And no one is coming to make those choices for you that would lead you to those things. And here's the part that is the hardest and has been the hardest in my season of pursuing my dreams, goals, aspirations, all of those things is that no one's coming to validate your desires before you act on them. But actually, I'm here to do that. And as a coach, as a mentor, as an advocate for women, that's my job. I'm here to tell you that your desires aren't crazy. They are something you need to take seriously. And so that is your invitation to put those desires instead of in the back of your mind, put them at the forefront of your mind while you're listening to this and open up your mind to the fact that those are going to be reality because you're going to start taking them seriously. So when I say no one's coming to save you, I want to clarify. I don't mean that you're alone. I don't mean that you have to do everything by yourself. Again, that's why I'm here. I also don't mean that you can't receive support or love or partnership or true friendship or belonging. What I mean is that you're the only one who can decide that your desires actually matter and believe that because I can tell you, but I need you to believe it. You're the one that can take that first step, and you're the one that can wake up every day and keep choosing yourself, even when it's hard. And believe me, it is hard. And it doesn't get easier the closer you are to certain goals and certain dreams and on that path when you're on the right path. It I'm sorry to tell you that it's not all rainbows and butterflies and shun sunshine and amazing days. Once you are on the right path, once you start taking steps, there are gonna be obstacles, there are gonna be so many surprising things along the way, but um, it's worth it if you're going in the right direction. So your desires are not random, they're not accidents, and they're not inconveniences. They are direction and they're the map of who you're becoming and who you're meant to be. So let's talk about that desire for a little bit. As women, we are often told that having desires that don't serve other people directly, or especially like people exactly directly in our lives that we have grown up with, that we're friends with, we're told that these desires are selfish, that they're irresponsible, that we have certain responsibilities and going against that grain and that narrative is not what you're supposed to do. And if there are any black sheep or cycle breakers listening, y'all are my favorite people to work with, to talk to, because you're already, you've already done it, right? You've already, in micro ways, gone against certain things that you've been told that you know don't resonate with you. And now you're pulling, you're feeling that pull towards something greater, something that you know is for you, but that you're maybe scared to pursue. Desire is data and it's that part of you that remembers who you are under the conditioning, the culture, the family expectations, the survival mode you've been in. If you want partnership and a healthy relationship, it's not random. If you want to feel like you belong, it's not random. And if you want to feel if you want to have a life that feels like yours and not someone else's, that's not random either. Those are things pointing you towards the next version of yourself. So this is the part that I told you I was waiting on a little bit to come to fruition. When I started following my desires, I didn't have things planned out exactly. And if you would ask me a few months ago that I'd be doing the things that I've done the last few months, I would have told you, like, no, that's not even the direction I thought I was going. That's not even how I thought these things would manifest. But I took step, one step in front of the other, and this is where I'm at. I spoke at that mental health symposium for the education sector. Something exciting is coming soon. I'm actually going to be teaching a uh writing workshop called Reclaiming the Narrative, Exploring Identity, Culture, and the Stories We Outgrow, it's for a local literary nonprofit. And I'm just so excited to step into that. But all that to say is if I had kept shrinking, kept thinking of all these desires in my head, of getting back into my creativity, being creative with purpose, sharing my voice and speaking and being brave with my story and impacting others, I would not have been doing any of this. And I didn't know these opportunities would come up. They came up, I applied, and I got them. Same thing with my of how I met my husband. If I had stayed home, stayed scared, um, really given up. Like I said, I was giving up and stopped dating, I would not have found him at the time that I had, or maybe ever. If I had stayed in that story of love isn't for me, I'll never be in a healthy relationship, I'm not ready for love, I need to fix myself and all these things. If I had stayed in that belief that my desires were unrealistic, I wouldn't be doing any of these things. I wouldn't be sitting here talking to you. And if you listen to my other episodes, I've said this multiple times, but now there's just other examples. These experiences are not accidental, they are the product of me, like I said, putting one foot in front of the other, following what I set out to do, which is impact women, impact people with my story, and help people believe that those desires for love, relationship, and belonging are not for nothing. And I had every reason to not try any of this. I had every reason to not keep dating three years ago, four years ago. I had been hurt, I had been disappointed, I'd been in relationships that made me question my worth, but that desire in the back of my mind kept whispering, there's more for you, there's love for you, there's someone who can meet you where you are. There's a relationship out there that won't cost you yourself. And same for these events that I'm taking part of for a couple of years, I want to say maybe before I even started my business officially last year in July. If you're listening to this right now when I'm recording, it is June of 2026. So it's been almost a year, and I do want to do a special one-year anniversary episode of my business. And then in August, it'll be a one-year anniversary of my podcast, like the last day of August. But um, for years I had that nagging feeling that I was suppressing something I was meant for, that I had a purpose that was unfulfilled. There was just a hole in my life that I could feel was not being fulfilled and I felt unfulfilled. Eventually I listened to that voice because although I was so comfortable in my life with all the free time I used to have and having so little responsibilities, which I had worked so hard to get to that point in my life at that point, because I was just healing from burnout and just so many years of chaos, just pure chaos. So in that season, that's what I wanted. But then that voice, that pull, I listened to it. Definitely not because I was confident, not because I was fully healed, but I was healed enough and not because I had it figured out, but I was willing to figure it out. I realized something that if I didn't take my desires seriously, just like with dating, uh, no one else would, right? No one would come knocking on my door, offering me a speaking engagement if they didn't know who I was, no one would email me to be on their podcast. So I they wouldn't know how to reach me because I didn't put myself out there and et cetera, et cetera. But here's the part I want you to know belief comes before that action. If you don't believe it, you will be like me. And years ago, I tried to listen to that voice in the back of my mind, but I truly was not ready because I didn't believe that I could be successful. And I didn't have a good idea of what success was and what it looked like for me and what goals meant for me. So before you take action on those desires that you're thinking of in your head right now, you have to believe that they're possible for you. Not that they're guaranteed, not that it's gonna happen in a month or three or six or a year, not that it's gonna be a perfect journey because it's not. There is no certainty in going after our desires and what we want out of life. Just believing that it's possible is what makes it possible, is what opens the door. You have to believe that a healthy relationship is possible for you. You have to believe that you can break cycles. You have to believe that you can be loved and adored without performing, without being fake, without people pleasing, without all those patterns that you've worked so hard to break. You have to believe that belonging is possible for you. And you have to believe that a life that feels like yours is possible for you. Once you believe that it's possible, even a tiny bit, once you can visualize it just a little bit, just a glimpse, you start to act differently. And that's what changes the trajectory of your life. Those little actions. You start making decisions from your desires instead of your fear. Am I telling you that fear is going to disappear? Absolutely not. I have a whole episode on fear and how I've not conquered that, but how I have just not compartmentalized. That's not really the right word either, but that's what came to mind. But the fear will be there. And I've learned to just act, to just do anyway, because I'm making decisions from my desire. I am centering what I want instead of what of choosing to center the fear. You can start choosing from clarity instead of that survival mode I was talking about. Because once you have a direction, you have a compass, and you know if you're off course, you can correct. You can start acting like the life you want is actually worth pursuing, even if society, your mom, your dad, your ex, your current partner, whatever is telling you that that life maybe isn't possible for you. So here is the part that a lot of women struggle with. A lot of my clients, which is why they come to me, because they want the guidance in this messy part of taking action and having someone who's been through certain things guide them along and help them and advocate, help them advocate for themselves. A lot of women will think that desire is enough, that being clear on what they want is enough, that understanding themselves is enough. But without action, desire becomes regret. You start to resent yourself because now that you know what you want, you've said it out loud, you've written it down, you've told somebody, and you don't act on it, it starts becoming a problem. Without action, you start self-abandoning. And maybe you've already done that in different ways. But once you've identified what you want and you still don't take action, you're signaling to yourself that okay, I know what I want, but I'm still not taking it seriously. I'm not centering myself and my desire. I'm abandoning myself and I'm going to keep doing whatever I'm doing in my life instead of following the desire. So action is how you honor those desires. It's how you choose yourself, it's how you build the life you want. Action is messy. You often don't have clarity before you take a step. A lot of times clarity will come after you've done something and you're like, oh, maybe not that again. Maybe I learned something. Maybe you'll do something differently next time. Oh, maybe that wasn't for me. But a lot of times you don't have that clarity until you start taking action. That's hard. It's always been hard for me. And why I put off doing what I wanted to do for so many years is because I thought I had to know the next step before I took the step. It's like in the middle of you taking the step is when you start seeing and building that next one. And that's hard for me because I was a huge control freak. I wanted to know exactly what comes next. And a lot of times you can't. Action doesn't have to be dramatic. If you're already feeling scared and you're like, oh no, I'm not ready. Sometimes action is so simple. You can start by just saying no to things that are not aligned anymore. That friendship that's dead, that you're the only one holding on to, that situationship that you know is not your future, whether it's updating your dating profile, going to a community event because you're lonely and you want belonging, but you haven't tried to find it, right? Whether it's starting to tell the truth about certain things, how you feel, your opinions, whether it's asking for what you want, admitting you want more, small things like this compound and small actions build momentum. It's what will actually change your life. So here's my invitation to you today. Just take one desire seriously. Not all of them, not overhauling your whole life, not a five-year plan. Just start with one desire that's been tugging at you and ask yourself, what is one action I can take this week that honors this desire? Because again, no one's coming to save you, but you can save yourself and you can align yourself with people that can help you save you. You can choose yourself. You can follow the direction your desires are pointing to, and that's where it all begins. And if this episode resonated with you, share it with someone who needs to hear it. Maybe you can be brave together. And if you're ready to stop waiting and start choosing yourself, I'm opening up a handful of mini sessions in the next week or two. In these sessions, we're gonna find your next aligned step, whether it's in love, relationships, friendships, belonging. And we're gonna take one action that honors that deep desire and moves you closer to the life that feels like yours. We're gonna decide on what that action is and we're going to get you closer to where you want to be. It's a free call, and I'm offering it to you because once you get a taste of it, you will know your desires are not random, they are direction. And sometimes having someone hold up that mirror for you is exactly what helps you take that first bold action. So if that's you, book the mini session with me. We'll find that next step together. The rest of your life is waiting. Take that next step and don't forget to hit follow on whatever platform you're listening on to be notified when new podcast episodes come out. Thank you so much for listening, and I'll talk to you next time.