Step Up to the Mic! #40 - Discovering "Authentic Community" with Addison Ott!!!

Addison (Addie) Ott is an author, podcaster, entrepreneur, and warm, friendly speaker who radiates the love of Jesus.
She is the author of “Fellowship Over Followers", helping others recognize how comparison is stealing the joy of deeper intimacy with Jesus and fellowship with one another.
With a background in graphic design and a heart for storytelling, Addie creates spaces where others can engage with faith, friendship, and purpose in meaningful, gospel-rooted ways. Whether through writing, design, or podcast conversations, her mission is to help others live with intentionality, hope, and a heart set on Jesus.

Her Website:  https://www.addisonott.com/

Landing Page Link:  https://dedicated-knitter-7774.kit.com/fellowship-over-followers-handout

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Hello, everyone. Welcome to another episode of Step Up to the Mic. This is the place for aspiring and established speakers to take the stage, deliver their talks, and bring them directly to you. Folks, today's featured speaker. She is an absolutely fascinating young lady. She has so much to offer, and she's going to talk about a lot of it today. She is an entrepreneur. She's a speaker. She's a podcaster. She's the author of the book Fellowship Over Followers. Folks, please welcome to our stage, Addison Ott.

SPEAKER_02 0:36

Awesome, Rory. Thank you so much for that warm introduction. And with that, we're going to kick off our presentation. So, friends, just a quick welcome. And we are going to be talking about discovering authentic community. And before we do that, first, Maz Braz Rory said, my name is Addy Ott. I'm so glad to be here with you all today. And also, I'm just going to pray over our time together. So wherever you are, would you just join me in a quick prayer? So, Jesus, we just thank you for this day. We thank you for just all the things that you are doing in our lives, Lord. And we're here to learn more about you. And we're here to learn more about this authentic community that you've modeled from the beginning, Lord. And so wherever we find ourselves wrestling or really grateful for the friends that we have in our lives, Lord, I pray that you would just remind us of your intentional design. And Lord, would you just bless our time together wherever we are? It's in your name. Amen. Awesome. And here we go. So I want you to imagine you are meeting a friend over a warm cup of coffee, maybe iced coffee, if you're like me, an iced coffee drinker, but you begin to catch up and you share the pleasantries, you share about the weather, you talk about what's going on in your lives, and then you kind of linger into this same conversation. It feels a bit mundane, maybe a little bit repetitive, and it's cordial, it's nothing bad, but it just doesn't feel as life-giving as you think it could. And you leave the coffee shop, you're driving back home to your house, and you think, I feel the same way. You love that friend so much, but what if, I want to challenge us here, what if it didn't have to be this way? Instead, you and your friend, you're both leaning in across the table, and you don't even realize how great the conversation is until the store is closing up and they're like loading up the chairs, the staff is vacuuming, and you're like, oh my gosh, uh, I think we have to go, right? It's only then that you realize, oh, this was a great conversation. And sometimes it continues outside of the restaurant. And I want to encourage you, friends, if your heart aches for this type of deeper fellowship, then you are exactly in the right place. And so as I was having that kind of conversation, and you're kind of picturing that with your friends, as that was coming across your mind, what feelings, questions, or thoughts emerged? Just think about that internally because we're gonna unpack this, kind of these feelings and these thoughts as we enter into these conversations of fellowship. So just hang that, hang on to that in the back of your mind, and that would be great. So, as we're thinking about fellowship, I just want to share a quick story with you. This is a photo of me after a long work day and is unknownly taken by a friend of mine. And the ironic thing is now it was taken about five years ago. So at the time, I was newer to this type of full-time work and communications, and I was starting to feel a bit fatigued. I was doing what I loved, but internally I was wrestling with feeling alone in my own community. And friends, you and I both know too many people are walking alone. And I care deeply to change that because it was exactly five years ago where I was. So I knew something had to change, and together we're gonna unpack what it means to dive a little bit deeper into fellowship. And so if you're ready, let's go. First, we have to recognize the social lies. Before we can go any further, we have to admit that these are all around us. So they are always here wherever we are, but first we have to kind of recognize and name these lies. And so in our digital landscape, this might be a common lie that you experience. Why don't I get as many posts, your likes on my posts or reels, whatever it is? Or you might kind of compare yourself and be thinking, I can never be that successful as you see someone's life, or they close a deal, or they get the house, they get the new car, whatever it is. We've all been there before. Or this last one, you may feel kind of constrained by your own community or in a false identity where you're always known as the blank guy or girl. You might be too quiet or you might be too loud. Some of these identities can be paralyzing, but as these are all familiar to us, we have to recognize them and address them. So I want to ask you a question. Who here knows that this is not the way that God has designed to fellowship? Where we're asking these questions, we have these lies that kind of combat and enter our minds. All of us know that this is not the intentional design, or we all have this ache where it could be deeper and there could be more life-giving and fuller friendships. So, where do we go from here? Okay, great question. This is where we are going to remember together what God has called us to. First, first thing is God has called us to know his voice. And this is very important because there are so many messages and noises in the world where we have to remember the voice of our Savior, which is found in his truth, which is found in spending time with him daily and reading the Bible. And if you don't know a place to start, I would encourage you to start in John, but we have to start in scripture to know who Jesus is and to know who our Father is. And that is full of truth and a real new identity that he calls us into. So the second thing is we have to know God's voice, but also we have to know that God has called us to pray. And this is by knowing his voice, understanding it better, and also where we come through an in-person relationship with God. So through prayer, we have an active relationship with God, and he genuinely wants to hear from us. So we have to remember to know his voice, we have to remember to pray, and God has also called us to fellowship together. Now, this is the gift of the local body of believers. And think about it, how good is it when you go into, I guess you could say your favorite coffee shop or the place that you're known the most. But for me and all of us who are believers, the best place is when we go to church and we see people that we know and love and they know our names, and we get to share together through life and also just catch up and share through this life together. And that is just such a great, encouraging thing where you're known fully for just who you are and who God has created you to be. So we know the lies, we know this isn't God's original design, and we also know we are called to more that God has specifically called us to more. So now we have to face the problem head on. How do we face the problem? So, first, these social lies or false truths, they are wrapped up in the route of comparison. And comparison, like we kind of mentioned, with all those lies, those are all a route of comparison. It happens so easily, almost like a millisecond. You don't even realize it's happening in real time until it's already happened. We go on Instagram, we scroll on our phone, and those lies they pop up, or we go to work and they pop up, or we're just in uh getting over catching up and getting up, um, catching up over a cup of coffee, and there it is, a lie can come and pop up out of nowhere. So the problem is comparison. Secondly, we have to admit the problem, and that is where we catch these lies and we admit them right in the moment, and then God, as we look to Jesus, He will encourage us to see a different way and a different pathway forward. So we know where these lies come from, and we know that we, when we encounter them, we have to admit that it is the problem. Next, we're gonna take the step together of how do we resolve this problem. Okay, so now we're going a little bit deeper, but we have to embrace honesty. And this is where our first exercise comes into play. And there's a handout attached to this talk, and you can find it in the show notes of this video. And this is where you have to identify the lies. And to help you get started, I'm just gonna name a couple of few examples for you to think through. So this could be the fear of man, fear of your reputation, think of thinking too much of what other people think of you. We have to lay this lie down, or it can be idolizing, fill in the blank, whether it could be idolizing money, status, success, whatever it is, you can fill it in there. And also it could be a false sense of identity. We talked about that as we named one of the lies earlier, where we need to remember who God has called us to be and who you were when you were a lot younger is not the same person who God is going and calling you to be. So these are just a few examples, and you can take a few minutes out of your own time just to think through some of these examples of asking the question, who is God calling you to be? And as you do this, this is just between you and God. And so take as much time as you need, but for the sake of this talk, then we'll just keep on moving along. So as you've thought it through this, you've thought through some of those lies, you've taken some time to name them. I want to encourage you, friend, there is good news. And you may be asking, what is this good news? And this, friends, is where it all comes into practice. Thankfully, Jesus models a different way for us to follow. This is the words of Jesus, and he says in John 13, 35, by this everyone will know you are my disciples if you love one another. So, what else does Jesus say? So we're gonna find out and learn together. This is our second exercise. We're gonna be answering two questions. Number one is who did Jesus say you are? Again, this is who does Jesus say you are? And number two is what identity does he give you? And again, you can do this at your own time with the provided space and the handout attached to this talk. So as we look to Jesus, he encourages us and he models a different way of how to do this, how to live a life on purpose and on mission within intentionality of fellowship and community. And so we see him encouraging and modeling us to do these three things. The first one is to gather together. So this is to gather together with other believers. We already mentioned whether that is going to church on Sundays, but there's also a lot of other ways to gather. And a couple of those are whether it's through mentoring or through gathering together over a Bible study or a small group or just a weekly ministry that is hosted at your church. Number two, Jesus encourages us and models for us to encourage, to encourage one another. We witness Jesus encouraging those around him. And this is where true fellowship, it really does not begin with ourselves. It begins with loving others well. As we have a right view of Jesus, then we're able to extend encouragement to one another around us. And number three, this last one is trust. This may feel intimidating at first, but I want to encourage you, friends, to be encouraged by the simple truth is that each friendship takes time. It's actually been said that it takes a minimum of 200 hours to become close friends with someone. So I want to encourage you here. Rest assured, if you don't click with a friend right away, trust is built over long periods of time. It's not manufactured overnight. And our third practice is really practical. This is where I want you to take some time to identify your community. And you may be saying, Addy, I don't have anyone in my life. There is no community. Well, again, I'll encourage you here to think outside the box a little bit. And maybe also start with your family. It doesn't have to be someone you don't know yet. Think about the people who you see all the time, the people who are in conversation with. Those are the people who are in your community, and it doesn't have to be big, you just have to start small. So try to complete and fill this list with as many people as possible. And again, this is where the handout's gonna come in handy, and you'll go through this section that has a list where there are co-laborers, a mentor, and people in your community, and also people who you are investing in or walking with. So you can refer to that in the show notes as well. And as you're wrapping up, you're identifying your community. Here are a few reminders I want to leave you with. I want you to remember to recognize the social lies. Again, these lies they happen in the minute that we need to attack them and redirect them with the truth. And so recognize them and know that your brain is doing what your brain is supposed to do. It is taking information and processing it, but also we have to recognize that we can process it and not just let it go straight to our heart and we can replace it with truth. So number two is we have to admit the comparison. This is where it gets a little tricky sometimes and a little bit uncomfortable that we have to actually admit that these lies are a route of comparison and we have to name the thing that we are comparing ourselves to. It isn't always fun, but I want to encourage you here too, that Jesus will take you as far as you want to go and he will be gentle with you and your heart. Number three is we have to embrace honesty with Jesus and trusted community. And so, first, this is where we can get totally honest with Jesus because he wants to hear from us and he already knows everything that we're going through. And then after we share it with him, then it is so much more easier to share this with trusted community, to share our weaknesses, to share our burdens. And if you aren't in a trusted community right now, and again, you're thinking, Addie, how do I do this? How do I put this into practice? And then I want you to email me at helloaddison at hello at addisonaught.com and I can help you get plugged in to a local church. And here is where we put it into practice. So this is our last QA. This is so this is our last fourth and final exercise before QA, and we're gonna put it into practice. And so if you're ready, if you're with me, then let's go. I want you to circle one person from your list, from that community list. I want you to circle one person and don't overthink it too much. Just once you're done, you'll be like, okay, I got it, and here we go. This is it. I see some good thumbs up, or you're ready to go. Perfect. Okay, now this is the fun part. I want you to get out your phone. Seriously, get out your phone, and you should have that person's phone number. I want you to text that person and ask them when they are available to share a coffee or a meal with you. And you could preface it with, hey, I can't wait to share about this talk I'm just I'm listening to, or something I just learned, or this conference that I'm at, and be like, hey, can we get together when I'm back home next week? Or I just listened to this thing. Can we get together tomorrow and share what you learned? And so for this challenge, again, I want to hold, I and I will be your personal accountability partner. Again, this is it. I absolutely will. If you send me an email at hello at Addisonot.com, I want to hear how it went and if you genuinely, if you actually followed up with them and got together with one person from your community list. And with that, friends, I want to thank you for your time and just continue to share this as we continue to dive deeper into community. It's gonna take time and remember you have to start before there is any results. It takes time, you got to put in the work and be encouraged by that quote earlier of taking 200 hours. And so if you do this, again, send me an email. And with that, I just want to thank you for your time. And I'm so grateful for this step that we're all taking to deeper fellowship together.

SPEAKER_00 16:36

And Annie, everybody. Uh Annie, that was uh that was great. That was our first um on this podcast. That was the first time we've ever had anybody uh do a presentation using you know materials. So congratulations just from our podcast here. That was fantastic.

SPEAKER_01 16:52

Yes, thank you for being up for the challenge with me.

SPEAKER_00 16:56

Oh, of course, my goodness. Uh, I do have a couple of questions for you, you know, about uh your presentation. Wonderful. All right. Um, one of the things, I mean, right out of right off the bat, it was, you know, recognize the social lies. I mean, my goodness. Social lies is is gigantic. Um how do you how do you narrow that down to what we need to be dealing with in this particular context?

SPEAKER_02 17:23

This is such a great question question, Rory, because you're absolutely right. I mean, one thing I didn't mention on in this talk, usually I talk about how there's so many things going through our minds, whether it's our phone, you know, text, emails, or billboards, advertisements, there's so many things that are projecting for us to be a certain version of ourself or to be an ideal version. Go to the gym, lose weight, be a better person, or make sure you say please and thank you. I don't know, all of these things. And so this is where I would honestly start with prayer and ask for discernment. Be like, hey, Lord, I want to grow in this way because there are so many things, Rory. If you and I are being honest, we can just have thoughts and they can enter and then they can exit. But we have to do some deep work here and actually take some time to be like, wait a minute, why did I think that? And pause and reflect. Wait, that's something that's different, or is there a recurring theme of thinking, oh, this is popping up again and again and again, and you take notice about that? And so for me personally, I share this a lot in my book, Fellowship Over Followers. And the core lie, the social lie that I believed a lot was that I was too quiet. That was it. And so there's a lot of those limited beliefs that usually they stem back to our younger years if we're being honest with ourselves.

SPEAKER_00 18:35

Wow. Well, you did hold up the book, so hold that up again for anybody who's watching the video version. Okay, that's it right there. Good, good, got it, got it. All right, perfect. Um, you know, you were in what we were talking about there, the comparison game, right? Um, I think that's kind of what's intended on social media. You know, that they they want you to compare so that you buy the product to try and attain that. But the comparison game isn't just in social media either. It's literally everywhere we look. Um, why are we so susceptible to this comparison game thing? Any thoughts on that?

SPEAKER_02 19:07

Yeah, again, I dive deeper into this. This is like the first chapter of my book where literally your brain is doing its job, it is gathering information and it is saying, oh, we're similar in this way or we're different in this way. And sometimes we can classify that with our emotions, even too, where that it's a good thing or it's a bad thing. We can feel a certain way very quickly. And you think about like when you walk into a room at a conference, at a coffee shop, you notice different things. You're like, oh, that person looks like me. Oh, they have the same color shoes or they have the same brand. I want to be their friend. I wonder why. Or we can do it on the opposite extreme, where it's an unhealthy separation of comparison, where it's like, oh my goodness, I'm never gonna be as successful, I'm never gonna do this, X, Y, Z. And we have to realize we're being human. It's not a bad thing to shut that down completely. We we would be not very healthy if I'm if I'm being honest in my opinion. And so that's where we have to realize it's not a bad thing, but also that's where we redirect it and place it with truth. And how do you realize it? Just kind of reframing it in this way. But again, Roy, you're right. It's not just on social media, it is literally in every facet of your life. And probably before social media, we probably experience it the most within our own families, if we're being honest, right? We're like, wait a minute, why are you doing this or that? Or like, I feel different than you, and we're just all trying to be human, but it's not a bad thing. Your brain is doing what it's supposed to do, but just take stock, kind of take inventory again of why it's doing that and how your emotions are associated or attached to it.

SPEAKER_00 20:37

Gotcha, great answer. Wow, okay. Um, the identify your community part. And I I need to kind of bring it back down here to some, you know, some uh a little more ground uh grounding, I guess. The um community has changed so much over the years. Um, and I know it's changed in your lifetime, and I'm like, I don't know, three times older than you are. So um it in my lifetime, it's been just insane from what it used to be. There are so many people who are gonna hear that and are going to feel I don't have community because I think we feel more alone than we ever have, probably in today's world in a lot of ways. Um what do you say to that person who who really feels like they don't have it at all?

SPEAKER_02 21:22

Yeah. Well, I say to them that I was that person. I mean, it was kind of in high school. I mean, I had people around me, but I kind of knew everyone, but just kept people at arm's length, and that wasn't anything of their fault. It was kind of my own fault. And so I do think we have to do some self-reflection here and ask are we a part of the problem if we're being honest? And again, it's hard to get out of your comfort zone and to see different people. But I think I'd encourage you who are the people that you see all the time. It might be at the grocery store, it might be at UPS or the you know, your coffee shop of choice. But I want to encourage you, there's people around you more than you think. And if for some reason you're like, I have no one, right, Rory? Like, literally, I have felt like that. I'm sure you have too when we're in a room full of people or families. Um, then I would love to be that person. You know, I've said it in the talk. Like, seriously, email me and just share. If you need a place to share that's safe, I will be that friend for you and help you start making friends. Um, but also we do have to put ourselves out there. And again, if you're like, I have no one, no one, no one, then look at your family and like, is there a safe person within your family? Just one person. And if it's not inside your immediate family, maybe it's an aunt or an uncle, maybe someone like that. Um, or it could be someone who you look up to at your work who might be willing to mentor you. Just get creative. But it, I will say, I'll be honest with you, it's gonna be awkward, it's gonna be hard because you're gonna have to go first and put yourself out there and you might face rejection. But the more we do it, I will say it's still gonna hurt, but the more comfortable we're gonna feel, we're gonna be of just being brave and taking that one courageous step. And so I I have all the empathy in the world for that friend right now.

SPEAKER_00 23:09

Yeah, yeah, that's that's definitely something people uh people have to deal with today. Um, I do have one more question for you here, and I want to save it, uh, saved it for the end. Uh, but before I get there, uh give everybody your contact information. How can they reach you, find out more about you, and you know, uh inquire about uh booking you to speak at their uh engagements.

SPEAKER_02 23:27

Yes. Well, just thank you so much, Rory, for even asking. Very kind of you. And you can go to Addison Ought.com, that is ad I-so-n dot com. And then I have speaking on there. You can book me or for your podcast or for an event, and you can find everything there, find my book and also find my business, Gentle and Lollyco, and also our podcast from that business as well.

SPEAKER_00 23:51

Nice. All right, we'll make sure as much of that as possible gets into the show notes. And uh, you have a lot of stuff you do, so your show notes are usually pretty long. But uh, I I appreciate it. The last question I had, um, which I thought was kind of was pretty powerful, and I didn't realize it when you first were talking about it, but then at the end it really hit me. The putting it into practice, you seem to be leaning very, very heavily on in-person interaction. Now, am I picking that up wrong, or is that done on purpose with intention?

SPEAKER_02 24:22

On purpose with intention, yes, absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 24:25

And why is that so important?

SPEAKER_02 24:28

So, so, so important. I mean, because we're you and I both know with even our work and a lot of our lives, we experience a lot online. And this is such a beautiful gift that technology allows us to do. But I was just at a conference of being together with a bunch of women who are kingdom-minded women. And when you get together with these people, with people who are close to you, it changes something. There's only something that is special that you can do online, it helps keep us connected, which is such a gift, but nothing can replace having a friend come over and ask you, hey, how are you doing? Or them getting you a cup of water or getting your favorite drink, things like that. But besides that, all the point besides that, I have seen this practice in my life throughout college and then throughout my young adult years of gathering together time after time when you don't want to go, you're like, oh, I'm gonna be 10 minutes late, it's not worth it. No one's gonna notice I'm gone. And again, I will encourage you go to go to the meeting, go to church, go to the thing. You will be better for it. And I promise you, you will find your people who will see that there is something that is special. Just honestly, you'll get to see God created an image of God right next to you from another brother or sister in Christ. That's my personal belief. And there's something special when we gather together in person that Christ is there, He meets us together, and we're able to share our weaknesses and burdens. And friends, I mean, yes, following Jesus is a personal relationship, but also it is a communal relationship where we just gathering together, there's nothing that can replace that. And that is where true healing and transformation happens and takes place. And I've gone to experience that in my life as well.

SPEAKER_00 26:09

Nice, very, very powerful. I love that. Um, all right, folks. Uh uh, entrepreneur, speaker, obviously, podcaster, uh, author of Fellowship Over Followers. Uh, folks, Addison, Ott, uh, Addie, thank you so much for being on the show today, for doing that talk, and for making us push our limits today. And uh, I just I am grateful to you for that because I loved every minute of it.

SPEAKER_02 26:33

Thank you so much, Rory. It's been a pleasure, and I'm so grateful to have been on here with our friends today. I love it every time.

SPEAKER_00 26:40

Wonderful. Thank you so much, folks. This has been another spectacular episode of Step Up to the Mic. If you're an aspiring or current speaker and you want to bring your talk to the masses, message us today. Never stop talking and help us, help you to step up to the mic.