5. Why You Don’t Feel Like Yourself Anymore (God May Be Doing Something)

Why many Christian women feel lost in midlife and how remembering your identity in God changes everything.

Like & Subscribe for weekly conversations that help you rediscover who you are in God. ➡ https://www.youtube.com/@PrettyDeepPodcast

Have you ever found yourself thinking, “I don’t feel like myself anymore”? 

Many women reach a season where life looks fine on the outside, but internally something feels different. 

Roles change, children grow up, careers shift, and suddenly the identity you built around being needed or productive starts to feel unstable. 

In this episode of the Pretty Deep Podcast, Petrina explores why so many Christian women feel lost in midlife and why the deeper issue often isn’t aging or changing seasons, but where we’ve anchored our identity. This conversation gently reframes how we see ourselves, reminding us that our identity was never meant to be built on usefulness, but on belonging to God.

Watch This Next: The Reason You Feel Distant From God (Even When You're Trying)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QXOrKFEl3Mc

Subscribe to my YouTube Channel: Pretty Deep Podcast - https://www.youtube.com/@PrettyDeepPodcast

Connect with me!
Instagram: @PetrinaVerma

Question - Have you ever had a season where you felt like you lost yourself? What helped you reconnect with who you really are?Disclaimer: This video is not sponsored. No affiliate links are included in this episode.

#ChristianWomen #IdentityInChrist #FaithAndPurpose #ChristianEncouragement #WomenOfFaith

About:
 Welcome to the Pretty Deep Podcast. This is a space for honest, thoughtful conversations about faith, identity, purpose, and the deeper questions women carry through different seasons of life. New episodes every week.

DISCLAIMER: This content is intended for encouragement, faith discussion, and personal reflection. It should not be considered professional counselling, medical, or psychological advice.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

I don't feel like myself anymore. Many women reach a point in life where they quietly think this. Nothing is falling apart. Your life probably looks fine from the outside. But inside, something has shifted. Your kids don't need you the way that they used to. Your career didn't unfold the way you imagined. And your body? It's changed. You start wondering, who am I now? Did I miss my purpose? Did I miss what my life was meant to be? If you've ever had that thought, stay with me. Because the reason you feel this way might not be what you think. Hi, I'm Petrina, and this is the Pretty Deep Podcast, where we talk about the real things that women carry and we gently untangle the things that make life feel heavier than it needs to. I'm not coming to you as someone who has everything perfectly figured out. I'm a wife, a mom of three, someone who's lived on three different continents and started and run multiple businesses. I've reinvented my career more than once. And I've had seasons where life felt clear and exciting, and seasons where I've quietly asked the same question that many women ask. Who am I now? And over the years, walking through those seasons with God has taught me something incredibly freeing. Most women think they're losing themselves in midlife. But often that's not actually what's happening. What's happening is that the things they've built their identity on are shifting. And when those things move, it can feel like you're disappearing with them. But today I want to show you something different. In this episode, we're going to talk about why so many women reach a point where they feel like they've lost themselves. We're going to talk about the quiet belief that many of us carry about our value without even realizing it. And we'll also talk about the truth about God that changes how we see ourselves. Because your identity was never meant to be built on what you do, it was meant to be anchored in something far more secure than that. So if you've been feeling a little lost lately or wondering if your life has become smaller than it was meant to be, I am so glad you're here. Let's talk about that. Because for many women, this feeling doesn't arrive all at once. There's no dramatic moment where everything suddenly changes. It happens slowly, quietly, almost imperceptibly. One day you're scrolling through Instagram and suddenly you find yourself comparing your life to someone else's. How she looks, how she dresses, how confident she seems, and something inside you whispers, I used to feel like that. Another day you're standing in a change room and you're trying on clothes, and nothing quite feels right anymore. The styles don't suit you, your body feels uncomfortable, and you walk out of that store thinking, what even works for me now? Or you're sitting in a meeting at work and you realize that the younger voices in the room seem to carry more weight than yours. Or you're at home in the evening and the kids who once needed you constantly are now out living their own lives. And suddenly your house is quiet, and you realize that something has changed. For years your life was full of purpose and urgency, people needed you, your time mattered, your role was clear, and now that season has shifted. And it can leave you with a strange sense of loss. And underneath all of that, there's often a deeper grief that many women don't even know how to name. Leave alone confront. Because for years we've built our identity around things that felt really solid. But when those roles begin to shift, it can feel like the ground underneath your identity has started moving. And this is where something really important begins to surface. Because for many women, the pain of this season isn't actually about aging or about career shifts or children growing up. Those things are all real. They are not the deepest issue. The deeper issue is this. Many of us quietly build our identity on being useful and needed and productive, on being that person that holds things together. We built our sense of worth around things like being a good mother, being competent at work, being responsible, being dependable, being the one people rely on. Those things are not bad, they're beautiful things. But when your identity is built on usefulness, then the moment your usefulness changes, your sense of self begins to shake. When work no longer defines you the way that it once did, or when your body changes and you don't feel as confident in it as you used to, it can start to feel like you're disappearing along with all these roles that you had. And that's when women begin to ask questions like, Who am I now? Do I still matter? Is my life becoming smaller? But here's the part: many women never stop to examine. Where did we learn that our value comes from usefulness? This learning comes from culture. It comes from work environments that reward productivity. It comes from motherhood expectations that quietly tell us that we should carry everything. It comes from perfectionism. And sometimes it even comes from the way faith has been explained to us. And slowly, without even realizing it, we begin to believe something that sounds like this. My value comes from what I do. And this is where the conversation gets even deeper. Because if we are honest, many women don't just believe that people measure their value by usefulness. Deep down, they believe that God does too. Not consciously, because most women would never say it out loud. But quietly, underneath the surface, many of us carry a picture of God that looks something like this. A God who's evaluating us, watching and grading our performance. Pleased when we're doing well, and disappointed with us when we fall short. Almost like he's standing there with a cribboard, checking how we are doing and marking us, seeing whether we are measuring up. And if that's the picture of God that we carry, then of course our identity becomes tied to performance. Of course, we feel secure when we are useful, and of course we feel like we are losing ourselves when those things shift. Because if usefulness is how you earn approval, then losing usefulness feels like losing value. And the truth is, many of us learned this pattern long before we were adults. When we were little girls, we were often praised for being the good girl. The girl who behaved well, the girl who helped, the girl who did well in school, the girl who didn't cause any trouble. And of course, there's nothing wrong with encouraging our children to do their best. But somewhere along the way, many of us have quietly absorbed a message that sounds a bit like this. You are most lovable when you're doing well, when you're behaving, when you're succeeding, when you're making everyone proud. So we grew up learning how to perform well, how to carry responsibility well, and how to hold everything together. And without even realizing it, we slowly begin to believe that love and approval are tied to how well we are doing. And when that belief quietly slips into our relationship with God, it creates a picture of him that was never meant to exist. Because when a little girl grows up knowing that she is deeply loved, and when she knows that her parents delight in her simply because she is theirs, something very different forms inside of her. She carries a quiet confidence. She doesn't walk through life constantly wondering, Am I enough? It doesn't occur to her even to question whether she matters. She simply knows that she does. That's what secure love does. In the Bible, in 1 John chapter 4, in verse 18, it says, There is no fear in love. Perfect love drives out fear. It creates stability in a person. But when love feels tied to performance, we learn something different. We learn to prove ourselves, we learn to earn approval. We learn to measure our worth by how well we are doing. And then we step into a world where that is reinforced and that message is everywhere we look. We live at a time where so much of life is on display. Through social media, we are constantly showing the world the highlight reel of our lives. Our wins, the beautiful moments, our successes. From the outside, everyone's life can absolutely look perfect. But the pressure to maintain that image is exhausting and sometimes it's even brutal. Because life starts to feel like a performance. A perfect example of this is the way people get engaged today. Years ago, a boy loved a girl and he asked her to marry him, and she either said yes or no. Sometimes he had a ring. Now it's a full production. The ring has to be perfect, the location has to be picturesque. There's often a photographer hiding in the bushes to capture the perfect moment. The poor guy's down on one knee, maybe reading a poem that he wrote himself. And it all has to look incredible in photos. So she's probably had her nails done in advance. Now don't get me wrong, those moments can be beautiful and so precious. But it also shows how much pressure our culture has placed on performing life perfectly. Everything is on display, everything is curated, everything is measured. And when you grow up in a world like that, it becomes very easy to believe that your value depends on how well you're doing. And slowly, without even noticing, many women begin to carry that same framework into their relationship with God. But that picture of God, it isn't true. The God revealed in Scripture is not a taskmaster. He's a father. A father who understands our humanity. A father who knows our weaknesses. A father who's patient and compassionate and full of mercy. He's not standing over you with a clipboard and measuring your usefulness. And he's not waiting for you to perform well enough to deserve his love. The Bible tells us something extraordinary: that we are loved simply because we belong to him. Not because we are productive or impressive or useful, but because we are his. And when that truth begins to sink in, everything you know about identity will start to shift. When you begin to understand who God really is, things will start to settle inside you. Because if God is not evaluating you, if he's not measuring your usefulness, and if his love for you is not dependent on how well you are performing, then something incredible becomes possible. You no longer have to build your identity on what you do, it can rest on who you belong to. And the Bible describes that relationship in the most beautiful way. It says that we're children of God, not employees, not performers, just children. Beloved daughters. And when a woman begins to truly understand that she is God's beloved daughter, something inside her becomes secure. She stops walking through life trying to prove her worth. She stops measuring herself against everyone around her. She stops feeling like she has to constantly hold everything together to deserve love. Because she knows something deeper than all of that. She knows that she already belongs. Like I said before, the Bible says in 1 John 4 that there is no fear in love. Perfect love casts out fear. When you truly understand that kind of love, the fear that drives so much of our striving begins to lose its power. The fear of not being enough. The fear of falling behind. Because your identity was never meant to come from your roles. Roles shift, seasons shift, responsibilities evolve. But your identity as God's beloved daughter, it doesn't disappear when those things change. It remains steady and secure and unshakable. When a woman truly understands that, she begins to live differently. Not from striving, but from belonging. So, the natural question becomes then: how do you actually begin to see yourself the way God sees you? How do you know what he thinks about you? And how do you know who you really are to him? Because the truth is, we can't build our identity on assumptions about God. We really have to discover who he actually is. And the way we do that is surprisingly simple. It begins with spending time in God's word. Just the other day, a lady I know was sharing that she had grown up in a Christian home and had gone to church her whole life, but that recently she had decided to step away from the faith. The reason she gave was that she was tired of the pressure to do certain things. She said she didn't read her Bible and she didn't pray, and she felt like those things were expected of her. Like they were requirements that she was constantly failing at. Listening to that made me feel really sad. Because reading the Bible and talking to God were never meant to be like performance. They were never meant to feel like something we do to earn God's approval. They're actually the opposite of that. We spend time in the Word because the Word reveals who God is. It introduces us to Him. It shows us His character, His beauty, His Majesty, His kindness, His goodness, His faithfulness, His justice, His patience, His mercy, His peace. I could go on and on. And the more you read the Word, the more clearly you begin to see God. You begin to see how very extraordinary He is, how loving He is, how patient and compassionate He is. You begin to see that He loves us with a perfect love, with an everlasting love, with a faithful love, with a love that keeps forgiving and is patient and is kind. With a love that does not boast and does not keep a record of our wrongs. You know where I'm going. It's the kind of love we read about in 1 Corinthians 13. And as that picture of God becomes clearer, something beautiful begins to happen inside you. You begin to realize that the God who loves like that loves you. And when that truth starts to sink in, you will naturally begin to fall back in love with Him. The Bible says in 1 John 4.19 that we love because He first loved us. And as you begin to discover that love, you want to talk to this person who loves you so much. And that's what prayer really is. It's not perfect words, it's just conversation with the God who already knows you intimately, inside out, and still loves you. It's not formal religious language, it's just conversation, sharing your thoughts, your questions, your fears, your hopes, your gratitude with him. And over time, as you spend your time in his word and in conversation with him, your picture of God will become clearer. And when the picture of God becomes clearer, the way you see yourself, that begins to change too. Because the more clearly you see how deeply he loves you, the more secure your identity becomes. You stop measuring yourself the way the world measures you. You stop defining yourself by how productive you are, or how useful you feel, or whether your life looks impressive from the outside. Because you begin to realize something far more solid than that. You belong to him. You are his daughter, and nothing can take that identity from you. It doesn't disappear when seasons change, it doesn't shrink when roles shift. It doesn't depend on whether people notice you or applaud you. It rests in the love of the God who created you and who has loved you from the very beginning. So if you've been feeling a little lost lately and you're wondering who you are in this season of your life, I hope this conversation reminded you of something important. Your identity was never meant to be built on what you do. It was always meant to be anchored solidly and immovably in who you belong to. If this episode encouraged you, I'd love for you to like and subscribe and follow the Pretty Deep podcast so you don't miss future conversations like this. There's a new episode every week, and your like, your subscribe helps others find it. If this topic resonated with you, I'll link another video that's sure to speak to you. It's called The Reason You Feel Distant from God, even when you're trying. In it I talk about why so many women love God deeply and yet still feel like he's far away. I think it'll really encourage you. Thank you so much for spending this time with me. You know, I value it more than I can say. I'll see you next week. Much love.