6. Why Capable Women Start Losing Confidence

Why confidence in God matters more than self-confidence (and how to move forward even with doubt)

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If you’ve been struggling with self-doubt, imposter syndrome, or feeling like you’ve lost your confidence, this episode will completely reframe how you see confidence. In this conversation, we unpack why so many capable women feel less confident as life changes, the hidden lie we believe about confidence, and how true confidence actually grows through action and trust in God. You’ll discover why confidence isn’t something you wait for, but something that builds as you take the next step—even when you feel unsure. This is a powerful, faith-based perspective on confidence that can help you move forward with clarity, courage, and peace.

TIMESTAMPS:
[0:00] The moment you start wondering where your confidence went

[0:30] Why life changes quietly shake how you see yourself

[2:40] The surprising truth about women who seem confident

[4:08] The voice that shows up when pressure hits

[8:59] The decision that changed everything (before confidence showed up)

[11:15] The shift that completely redefines what confidence actually is

[17:27] What to remember when you feel unsure, behind, or not enough

Watch This Next: Why So Many Capable Women Feel Like Frauds - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r6R9jlwPApk&t=633s

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Instagram: @PetrinaVerma

Question - When was the last time you took a step forward even though you didn’t feel confident?

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#ConfidenceInGod #SelfDoubt #ChristianWomen #ImposterSyndrome #FaithOverFear

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 Welcome to Pretty Deep Podcast! We explore real, honest conversations about faith, identity, confidence, and the quiet beliefs that shape our lives. New episodes every week to help you grow deeper in your walk with God and in yourself.

DISCLAIMER: This video is not sponsored. Some links may be placeholders and can be updated. Always do your own research before making decisions based on content from this channel.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Have you ever looked at another woman and thought, she just seems so confident, and I don't feel like that anymore. She walks into a room like she belongs there. She speaks clearly, she doesn't have to second guess herself. And then you look at yourself and you think, why don't I feel like that anymore? Maybe you used to feel more confident, but somewhere along the way, something shifted. Your body changed, maybe your career plateaued, maybe your kids grew up and don't need you the same way as they used to when they were little. Or maybe you're standing at the edge of something new and suddenly you feel hesitant. You second guess yourself. You wonder if you're capable. You wonder if maybe you're just not that kind of woman. If you've ever had that thought, stay with me. Hi, I'm Petrina, and this is the Pretty Deep Podcast, where we talk about the real things that women carry and we untangle the quiet beliefs that make life heavier than it needs to be. I'm not speaking about this as someone who naturally walks through life full of confidence. I'm a wife, a mom of three, I'm a writer, a photographer, a podcaster. I've lived on three different continents and I've started and run multiple businesses with my husband. And I've reinvented my career more than once. I've spent large parts of my life dealing with self-doubt and imposter syndrome. But over the years, walking with God through those seasons has taught me something incredibly freeing about confidence. And it's probably not what you think. In this episode, we're going to talk about why so many capable women feel less confident as their lives change. The quiet lie that many of us believe about confidence without even realizing. And the truth that will actually allow you to move forward with God, even if you don't feel confident yet. Because confidence is not something you either have or you don't. And once you understand what it actually is, it will change how you move through life. So let's talk about that. Let me tell you something that often surprises people. A lot of women assume that I'm a confident person and they'll say things to me like, You seem so sure of yourself. You come across so confident, so bold. And every time someone says that to me, I smile. Because the truth is very different. I've spent large parts of my life dealing with self-doubt. Like when I started my photography business, I had no formal training. None. I taught myself photography through the internet, through YouTube, through experimentation, and through hours and hours and hours of practice. And if you understand Indian culture, I'm Indian, you'll understand why this bothered me so much. In Indian culture, qualifications matter, credentials matter. And for photography, I had none. So imposter syndrome showed up super quickly. But interestingly, it didn't show up when everything was going well. It showed up in moments of pressure. For example, when someone would inquire about a photo shoot and I would call them back. If they sounded excited, I felt fine. But if they expressed even the slightest hesitation, or if they said something like, oh, that feels expensive, immediately the self-doubt would flood in, and that voice inside my head would start talking. It's because your work isn't good enough. It's because your photography and your studio are not fancy enough. It's because you don't have a degree. You're going to be found out as a fraud. You know that voice, it can be very loud. And interestingly, that same voice showed up again when I started thinking about launching this podcast. It said things like, You have nothing important to say. Who do you think you are sharing your thoughts online? You're not a preacher. You're not a Bible scholar. You have no business teaching anyone anything. So mean, right? And if I go back even further in my life, that voice was there even earlier. When I got my very first job writing for a magazine. Now, logically, this made no sense. I'd spent my teenage years hearing people say I should be a writer. I had a nearly perfect score in my high school English exam. I had a bachelor's degree. I had a postgraduate diploma in design. I had always loved writing. But somehow, when I was suddenly writing for a magazine, that voice in my head, it was there. You're not a trained journalist, you don't have a media degree, you're not a real writer, you don't belong here. And here's what I've realized over the years: this voice, it's incredibly common. How do I know this? Because I'm very curious by nature and I love asking people questions. So I've always made it a point to ask the people that I admire, you know, the people who've achieved lots in life, if they ever felt underconfident, if they had that harsh inner voice like me, and if they'd ever experienced imposter syndrome. You know what? The answer is always a big smile and a resounding yes, followed by stories of their experiences. Most women assume, most people assume that confident people don't have that voice in their head. But that's not actually true. The difference is not that confident people never doubt themselves, the difference is what they do after the doubt shows up. And once I understood this, it changed how I thought about confidence. So if confidence isn't the absence of doubt, what actually moves people forward? Let me take you back to something that happened early in my life. I had just finished studying interior design and I was working in a temporary job while figuring out what I wanted to do next. One day I randomly came across the business card of the editor of my favorite design magazine in India. It was the top design magazine in India at the time. The moment I saw that card, this thought popped up in my head. How cool would it be to write for this magazine? I should call the editor. I should ask her if she has any freelance writing work. Now logically, that sounds really simple. But the moment I had that thought, fear hit me. My hands started shaking. My voice felt unsteady. My heart was pounding and my stomach was churning. My mind was racing. Are you crazy? said the voice in my head. Why would she talk to you? You're not a journalist or a writer. You're gonna embarrass yourself. And when she rejects you, it's gonna hurt. Don't do it. Honestly, I nearly didn't. But somehow I picked up the phone anyway. And I called her. And that one scared phone call became my first writing job. Which turned into a career that lasted more than a quarter century. I wrote for design magazines, for art and architecture magazines, for fashion magazines, for women's websites. I wrote about design and art and crafts and creativity. And you know what? That brave step meant that I got to meet the most interesting people as I interviewed them for my assignments. And it all started with a phone call I made while I was afraid. Not when I felt confident, when I was terrified. And looking back now, I can see something very clearly. Confidence did not come before I made that call. It grew after I made it. And this is something I've noticed over and over again in life. When I started my photography business, or when I launched new creative projects, or even when I started this podcast, confidence doesn't arrive first, it grows as you move. Because every time you take a step, something happens. Your competence grows. And when competence grows, confidence grows. Doing builds confidence, not the other way around. Now, here's the lie that many of us quietly believe. We think that confidence is supposed to come before we act. We assume that confident people feel sure of themselves first and then they take the action. So if we're feeling hesitant, unsure or afraid, we assume that means that we're not ready. We tell ourselves things like, I need to feel more confident before I start, or I'll do it when I feel ready. Or worst, maybe I'm just not that kind of woman. But if you look carefully at the people you admire most, something very interesting appears. The most impressive and capable people are not necessarily the ones who feel the most confident. Often they're simply the ones who keep moving despite the doubt. Over the years, I've met many women who are incredibly successful, incredibly capable, and privately they still wrestle with self-doubt. Some of them are introverts. Some of them feel imposter syndrome even after years and years of experience. The difference isn't that they never feel afraid. The difference is that they've learned how to act while they are still afraid. And this is where something deeper begins to emerge. Because eventually I realized something that completely changed how I think about confidence. Confidence is not a feeling. Confidence is a choice. It's the choice to take the next step, even when you don't feel completely sure of yourself. And for me, that understanding became even deeper as my relationship with God grew. Because I began to realize something else. Confidence in myself will always be fragile. Because my ability changes from day to day. My emotions, I'm perimenopausal, so sometimes they change by the minute. I joke, but you know what I mean. Emotions change. Your energy changes. But confidence in God is different. Because God is not fragile, God is not uncertain. God is the rock. And when your confidence is rooted there, you don't have to wait till you feel completely confident to move forward. You simply need to trust him enough to take the next step. And when you start reading the Bible through this lens, something begins to become very obvious. You'll see that God rarely calls the people who feel the most confident. In fact, very often he calls people who feel the exact opposite. Take Moses. When God called Moses to lead the Israelites out of Egypt, Moses didn't say, Yes, Lord, I'm ready. Instead, he immediately started explaining why he wasn't the right person. Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh? I'm not a good speaker, I stammer. Please send someone else, Lord. That doesn't sound like a confident man. Or Gideon. When God called Gideon to lead Israel into battle, Gideon's response was essentially, are you sure you had the right person? He said, My clan is the weakest, and I'm the least in my family. That's not self-confidence, that's hesitation. And yet, God called Gideon. Or Esther. When Esther realized that she might have to approach the king to save her people, she was rightly terrified. Because approaching the king in those days without permission could mean immediate death. But Esther stepped forward anyway. And then you look at Jesus' disciples. These were not religious scholars or wise men, they were fishermen, ordinary men from small towns. And yet Jesus chose them to carry the message that would change the world. When you read these stories, a pattern starts to emerge. God is not looking for people who already feel confident, he's looking for people who will trust him enough to take the next step. Because confidence in the kingdom of God doesn't ever come from believing in yourself. It grows as you walk with God, as you see him show up, as you see him guide you, as you see him equip you in ways that you didn't expect, step by step. That is how confidence grows. So the question becomes: if confidence grows through walking with God, how does that actually happen? Because this is where many women get stuck. And I don't want to send you away from listening to this today with no solution. Most women think that confidence will suddenly appear one day, like a switch will flip. But confidence with God doesn't grow like that. It grows the same way that trust grows in any relationship. You get to know the person, you learn their character, you see how they respond, and over time, trust forms. And that's exactly how confidence with God grows. It grows when you spend time with him, it grows when you read his word, it grows when you talk to him honestly about what you're afraid of, when you bring your questions to him. Because the more you read scripture, the more you begin to see what God is really like. Because scripture reveals who God is. You begin to see how kind God is, how patient he is, how faithful he is, how powerful he is. And you start to see that God equips the people he calls. In the Old Testament, there's a beautiful example of this. When God calls his people to build the tabernacle where he will dwell and be present with them, God appoints this man called Bezalel. And scripture says that God fills him with wisdom and understanding and the skill to do the work. God didn't just say go figure it out, he equipped Bezalel. And you see the same pattern again and again. Esther stepping into a moment that could have cost her her life. The disciples, small town fishermen, becoming the leaders of the early church. Over and over again, God takes ordinary people and equips them for what he calls them to do. And when you begin to see that pattern, things will change. Your confidence will stop resting on your ability and hopefully start resting on God's ability. And that is a completely different and very firm foundation. Because confidence in yourself will always be shaky. Like I said before, your emotions, your energy, your circumstances change. But confidence in God is different. It's built on the rock. And when you begin to understand that He's guiding you and equipping you, you realize something very freeing. You don't have to know everything. You don't have to feel ready. You just have to take the next step with him. So if you're watching this today and you're thinking, I just don't feel confident anymore. Please, I want you to hear this clearly. You're not disqualified because you feel unsure. And you are not behind because you feel hesitant. And you don't have to become someone perfectly confident before God can use you. That's not how it works. Confidence does not come from believing in yourself. It grows when you begin to trust God. It grows when you walk with him, when you read his word, when you talk to him, when you learn who he is and how very, very faithful he is. And when you take the next step that he places in front of you. Because, like I said to you before, and it bears remembering, confidence is not a feeling. Confidence is the choice, the active, everyday, conscious choice that you make to trust God. Confidence in yourself will always feel shaky. But confidence in God is built, like I've said twice already, on the rock. So if you're waiting until you feel completely ready, girl, you might be waiting forever. But if you're willing to take the next step with God, even when you feel unsure, you may discover that confidence grows along the way, step by step. If this episode encouraged you, please make sure you like this video and subscribe to the channel and follow along because we talk about these kinds of things every week here on the Pretty Deep podcast. And I'm also going to link another episode here that pairs beautifully with this one. Why so many capable women secretly feel like frauds. It will really help deepen this conversation that we've had today and it'll encourage you even further. Thank you so much for spending this time with me. And remember, confidence is not a feeling. Confidence is choosing to trust God and take the next step with Him. I'll see you next week. Much love.