17. How to Discover Your God Given Purpose | Even When You Don't Know Where to Start

Finding your purpose starts with trusting how God already designed you.
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Have you ever wondered if you missed your calling? In this episode of Pretty Deep, Petrina Verma speaks to the woman who feels like everyone else has a clear purpose, calling, or “God moment”, while she is still asking, “What about me?”

This conversation reframes finding your purpose from a Christian perspective. Whether you are in motherhood, work, marriage, ministry, or a hidden season that no one else sees, your life still carries eternal significance.

In this video, you’ll learn:
* The deeper question underneath “What is my purpose?”
* Why your current season may matter more than you realise
* The hidden clues God may have already placed in your life
* How to begin recognising the thread that has always been there
* What to do when your gifts feel too ordinary to count
* A practical way to rebuild confidence when self-doubt is loud

⏰ Timestamps ⏰
 0:00 - Did I Miss My Calling?
 1:40 - Why Purpose Feels Hidden
 4:21 - Purpose Isn’t What You Think
 6:52 - The Thread Through Every Season
 8:00 - Finding Your God-Given Lane
 11:12 - What Was Already There
 15:42 - The Notebook That Builds Confidence

This episode is part of 'The God You Didn't Know' — a season of honest conversations about the misunderstandings about God that quietly shape our confidence, identity, and peace. 

Watch the full series here  ➡️  https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLuIjdmA2_b_OmBO6i6_R8hEsJrkRSXsGz

Pretty Deep Podcast exists to help women who are done striving, see God and themselves more clearly.

Disclaimer: This video is not sponsored and does not contain affiliate links. The views shared are for faith-based encouragement and personal reflection.

Transcript

0:00

Have you ever sat in a church service or a Bible study or a conference and heard someone talk about their calling? The moment they knew, the vision they received, the anointing that they walked in. And somewhere in the back of your mind, underneath the amens and the nodding, you thought something you've never said out loud. What about me? How come I don't have a moment like that? How come I don't have a calling I can point to? What is wrong with me that I can't seem to find this thing that everyone else seems to have? Or maybe it's not a church service. Maybe it's just life. You're doing the mum thing, you're running home, you're showing up to the job that pays the bills, managing everyone's schedules and needs and moods. And underneath all of it, underneath the school runs and the meal planning and the to-do list, that never actually ends, there's this quiet, uncomfortable lake. Is this it? Was I actually made for something more than this? Did I somehow miss it? Here's what I want to say to you today. You did not miss it. You haven't been left out of some secret that everyone else is on. And your purpose is not something dramatic that happens to you that you either receive or you don't. Your purpose is something that God has built into you before you were born. And today we're going to find it. Hi, I'm Petrina, and this is Pretty Deep, the podcast for women who are done striving and ready to see God and themselves more clearly. Let's get into it. I want to talk honestly about something for a moment. Because I think the way we talk about purpose in Christian circles, you know, the calling language, the anointing language, I think it does something to a lot of women that nobody intends for it to do. It makes purpose sound like an exclusive club. And if you haven't had the moment, you know, the big revelation, the clear vision, the dramatic calling story, you feel like you're standing outside the door. And you start to wonder, am I even in there? Here's what I want to say about that. The most fundamental purpose of your life is not mysterious, it is not hidden, it is not reserved for a select few. It is for you. It has always been for you. And it is simply this. You were made to be loved by God and to love him back. You were made to bring glory to him in the way you live, in every season, in every room, in every relationship. That is the overarching purpose of your life. Not your career, not a platform, not a ministry title. Love, relationship, and reflection of God. And here is what I find so beautiful about that. It means that there's not a single woman alive who is without purpose. Not the woman who's changing nappies at 3 a.m. and cannot remember the last time that she slept. Not even the woman who has just a job. Not a career, just a job that pays the bills and gets her through the week. Not the woman whose children have grown and now she doesn't know what she is and she's not needed the same way that she used to be. Not the woman who has never stood on a stage or led a ministry or had a calling story that's worth putting in a book. Every single one of them is living her overarching purpose just by belonging to God. But I also know that for most of us, that truth, as beautiful as it is, doesn't fully answer the ache. Because the question underneath the question isn't just do I have a purpose? It's what does my purpose actually look like? What am I specifically here to do? How do I find the thing that is uniquely mine? And that is the question I want to spend the rest of this episode answering, hopefully. Here is the first thing I want you to understand about purpose. It is not one thing, it's not a single fixed calling that you either find or you miss. Purpose is seasonal, it shifts with you, it grows with you, it looks different in different chapters of your life. And when you understand that, something changes. Because it means that you are never without purpose. You're just in a different expression of it in different stages of your life. Let me give you some examples. In your childhood, your purpose might have been to be a faithful, loyal friend, to bring joy into the lives of the kids around you, to be kind in a world that can be so unkind to children. That's not a small purpose. That, even though you don't know it at the time, is a significant one. In your work, your purpose might be to bring the character of Christ into your workplace, to do your job with excellence, to treat people with dignity in an environment that doesn't always do that. That is not a small purpose either. As a wife, your purpose might be to love and honor and support your husband in the things that God has called him to, to be a safe place when he needs one. And as a mother, this is the one I really want to sit with because I think it's the most underestimated purpose of all. When you are in the trenches of motherhood, the nappies, the sleepless nights, the tantrums, the thousandth meal you've had to think of this week, the temperamental teenager, the young adult making decisions that break your heart a little, it all feels like something you do in the dark. Nobody sees it, nobody acknowledges it, and nobody is giving you any trophies for it. It's so easy then to feel like it doesn't amount to purpose, like it all doesn't count. But can I tell you what God actually entrusted you with when he gave you that child? He gave you an eternal soul, not just a person to raise, not just a life to manage, an eternal soul with eternal significance, with a future that stretches far beyond anything that you can see from where you're standing. And God entrusted you with that. Some people never fully realize what they held in their hands in that season. I don't want that to be you. So, purpose is seasonal, it shifts, it grows. But here's the beautiful thing: even as the expression of that purpose changes, there's always a thread, a consistent, unmistakable thread that runs through every season, every role, every version of your life. That thread, it's you. The specific, unrepeatable, God-designed person that you are. Now, in Christian circles, we talk a lot about spiritual gifts. And you know what? I love that. I think understanding your spiritual gifts is genuinely one of the most useful things you can do to understand your purpose. I found out mine by doing a spiritual gifts test. I discovered that my primary spiritual gifts are encouragement, discernment, and faith. And once I knew that, I could look back over every season of my life and see them at work. Every single season, those gifts were there. They were being exercised, used, whether I was aware of it or not. But I want to go a little broader than just spiritual gifts. Because I think purpose lives at the crossroads of three things: your personality, your passions, and your gifts and talents. Who God made you to be, what God made you to love, and what God made you to do. And here's the thing about that crossroads, the place where all those three overlap. That is your lane, not anyone else's, yours. God is not random and he doesn't create by accident. Can I tell you how I think about this? You've probably heard the saying that we are God's hands and feet on earth. I love that. But I want to take it one step further because here's what I believe: God looks at this earth at everything that needs to be done, at every person that needs to be reached, at every task that needs a human hand behind it. And God is intentional. He knows what kind of personality is going to be needed to do that task. He knows what gifts and talents will be required. And he also knows what passions will make the doing of it feel natural, even effortless to the right person. And then marvelously, fearfully, wonderfully, God creates a person. Custom design for that specific task with exactly the personality, gifts, and passions that that work requires. That person is you. You are not an accident looking for a purpose. You're a custom design with a task already attached. Jeremiah 1.5 says, Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you. Before you were born, I set you apart. Set apart. Before you existed, before you had done a single thing to earn it. Ephesians 2.10 says, We are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. The good works came first. God had the task before he formed you, and then he made you specifically, precisely, and lovingly to walk in that task. And 2 Peter 1:3 says, His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Everything you need already given, already in you. Nobody else is as perfectly designed for your tasks as you are. Not because you're more gifted than others, but because you were made specifically for those tasks and they were made for you. Your personality is not a coincidence. The things that you love are not a coincidence. And the things that you are naturally good at, they are not a coincidence either. They are all architecture, God's architecture, built around the purpose that He already had in mind for you. And when you find the overlap, when you can say, This is who I am, this is what I love, and this is what I'm good at. You have found the map. Not someone else's map, yours. I want to tell you about my photography studio because I think this story illustrates everything that I've just told you better than any framework could. Every woman who walked through the doors of my studio came in nervous. She wanted to be seen, she wanted her true beauty to be captured, but she had never had good pictures, or at least that's what she believed about herself. So she came in with hope and dread at the same time. And from the moment she walked in, I caught her. I had her back. I was enthusiastic, I was confident, I was encouraging, I would light her, pose her, tell her what I saw. And little by little something would begin to happen. That woman who arrived scared and underconfident would slowly start to bloom. By the end of the session, this same woman who had walked in wanting to disappear was posing, voguing, owning it, like she'd been doing it her whole life. And then the pictures would come back and I would watch her see herself. Some women would gasp, some would get emotional, some would actually look at their portraits and say, No way, that's not me. And I would have to tell them, yes, it is. I'm not a magician. I can only capture what's already there. Every single time I said that, I knew I was saying something bigger than photography. Because what God was doing through me in that studio was showing women themselves the way he saw them. Not filtered through their own insecurities, not distorted by comparison or criticism or years of being told that they weren't enough. Just as they were, the way he had made them. Now, did I sit down one day and decide I'm going to build a spiritual ministry through portrait photography? No. I just followed the crossroads. I used my creative personality, my affectionate nature, my artistic gifts, my spiritual gift of encouragement. And God took the overlap of all those things and He did something that I could not have designed on purpose, even if I tried. That is what the crossroads does. That is what happens when you trust the way that God has made you. So, how do you find your crossroads? How do you actually identify your personality, your passions, your gifts? Especially if you've spent so many years so busy taking care of everyone else that you've lost track of yourself. I want to give you three things, three practical tools that have genuinely helped me that I believe will help you too. Tool number one is the spiritual gifts test. Now, this is the fastest way I know to get clarity on the gifts pillar of the crossroads. There are a number of free tests available online. I'll point you to a few in the description. And what it gives you is language for what God has already placed in you. For me, knowing that encouragement was a primary gift, it changed how I saw everything I'd ever done. It explained why certain things just felt effortless to me, why certain interactions just felt like purpose. Why looking back there was a consistent thread, even when the seasons look completely different. Your gifts have been there all along. The test is just a cool tool that helps you name them. Tool number two, journaling. This is the slower, quieter work, and it's where the honest answers live. Now, if you've ever sat down and asked yourself, who am I really? When no one needs anything from me, I want to invite you to do that. Some questions that I want you to sit with. What do I love? Not what I should love, what do I actually love? What activities make me lose track of time? What makes me feel like myself? When was the last time I did something purely for joy? Not because I had to or because someone needed me to, just because it lit me up. And this one, it's powerful. What do people consistently come to me for? What do they ask for my help with, my advice about, my eye for? Because sometimes the people around you can see your gifts more clearly than you can. Tool number three, the I know notebook. Now, this is the one I want you to try this week. A counselor friend of mine gave me this exercise during one of the hardest seasons of my life. And it's so simple and so powerful. You take a notebook, any notebook, and you start writing. And every sentence you write in that notebook starts with the same two words. I know. Not I think, not I hope, not I'm good at. I know. So, for example, I know how to cook a meal that makes people feel loved. I know how to listen in a way that makes people feel heard. I know how to walk into a room and make someone who's standing alone feel less alone. I know how to tell a story. I know how to make something beautiful out of nothing. Or even I know how to sew. Or I know how to bake cakes, or I know how to paint with acrylics. Nothing is too small to list here. You keep going and you do not stop until you run out of things. And I promise you, you will not run out quickly. You will probably fill notebooks. In fact, I used to carry a notebook around in my pocket all the time to make sure that if I ever thought of something, I was writing it in that notebook. I did this exercise in one of the hardest seasons of my life. I was ending something significant and I had no idea what I was walking into. And there was lots of self-doubt, a lot of that inner voice, you know, the one that says, Who do you think you are? You're not qualified for this. Nobody wants to hear what you have to say. So I sat down with that notebook. You know what the first thing was that I wrote in that notebook? It was not a skill or a talent or a qualification. The first thing I wrote was this. I know that I am the daughter of the king. The king, the most high king. And everything that followed, every skill, every gift, every experience, every season, it all rested on that foundation. Because before you can walk in purpose, you have to know whose you are. And here is what that notebook does. Beyond the clarity that it gives you, it becomes a confidence document. On the days when you feel like you know nothing, when the inner critic is loud and the self-doubt is heavy, you open that book and you see the evidence, concrete, specific, undeniable evidence of everything that God has already built in you. But it also becomes something else. It becomes a gratitude document. Because as you're writing, you start to realize something. You realize the education that God has allowed you, the experiences that he's given you, the people that he placed in your path, the seasons that he carried you through, and the gifts that he's placed in you before you even knew that they were there. The I know notebook is really a record of God's faithfulness and it's written in the language of your own life. Before I close, I want to say something to a woman who's still not sure. You know, the one who's done everything I've described or is willing to, but who still worries that what she finds at her crossroads is not significant enough, that her personality is too quiet or too much, that her passions are too ordinary, too niche, too small, that her gifts are not impressive enough to amount to a real purpose. I want to tell you something that I believe with everything in me. God does not make purposeless people. He's too intentional for that. He is too loving for that, and he is too precise for that. Ephesians 2.10 says, we are his workmanship created in Christ Jesus for good works which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. God prepared beforehand, before you were born, before you had a single qualification, before you had done a single impressive thing. The good works were already there, already designed, already waiting. And the person he made to walk in them, that was always you. Not the more confident version of you. Not the version of you that has it all figured out. And not the version of you with the bigger platform or the clearer calling story. You as you are right now. The crossroads you find, you know, that overlap of your personality, passions, gifts, that's not an accident. That's architecture. That is God. And the purpose he has for you in this season and the next and the one after that are already built into who he made you to be. You don't have to find it, you just have to trust it. Can I pray over you? Father God, for the woman who has spent years wondering if she missed it, Lord, if she was left out, if purpose was meant for everyone else, I ask, Lord, that you please speak to her today. Remind her, Lord, that she is not an afterthought, that she is not a coincidence, that she's fearfully and wonderfully made with intention, precision, and love. Help her to see the crossroads, to recognize the gifts that you have placed inside her, God, to trust the passions that you put in her heart, to honor the personality that you designed her with. Lord, would you help her to start with the most important thing? Not skills, not gifts, not plans, the identity that she belongs to you, that she is loved, that she is a daughter of the most high king. And from that place, Lord, let her walk in every purpose that you have for her, in every season, in every room, in every ordinary, extraordinary, eternally significant day. Lord, we ask this in the mighty name of your Son Jesus. Amen. Thank you so much for being here today. If this episode spoke to you, I have one ask. Please share it with a woman who you know is searching right now, who's doing good, faithful things and wondering if they amount to anything. Please send it to her. You never know what one conversation at the right moment can do for someone. And if you haven't subscribed yet, please do. It genuinely helps more women to find these conversations. If this resonated with you, I'll link another episode you can listen to that will build on this conversation. Go watch or listen to that next. So much love. I'll see you next week.