I stopped doing quiet time the "right way" (and how God met me in my ADHD struggles)

You start every January with a Bible reading plan. Three weeks later, you're drowning in Leviticus and beating yourself up for failing again. Sound familiar?

If you've ever wondered what's wrong with your brain, why you can't stay consistent with spiritual practices, or if God is disappointed in you for struggling so much, this episode is for you.

In this vulnerable conversation, I share my journey of getting diagnosed with ADHD this year and how it completely transformed my relationship with God. No more performing. No more forcing formulas that were never designed for how my brain works. Just freedom to meet God in ways that actually honor how He made me.

In this episode, we talk about:

• Why consistency in traditional spiritual disciplines feel impossible for ADHD brains
• The shame and guilt cycle that keeps you stuck
• How my ADHD diagnosis was actually an answered prayer
• What it looks like to do quiet time differently every single day (and why that's okay)
• Practical ways to connect with God when your brain craves novelty
• How to let go of external expectations and lean into your intimate relationship with God
• Why struggling doesn't mean something is wrong with you spiritually

Whether you're officially diagnosed with ADHD or just deeply relate to these struggles, there's freedom waiting for you. Your brain isn't the problem. The expectations are.

BITTERSWEET NEWS: This is our last episode with co-host Jasmine Barcia for this season as she enters a new season of calling 🥺 We're so grateful for the journey we've shared together ❤️

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Transcript

Introduction and bittersweet announcement about Jasmine

Episode 12 - ADHD and spiritual disciplines 0:47

Welcome to the Christian Women's Journey to healing and identity in Christ. Here we break free from shame, striving, and self-doubt to walk in the freedom and intimacy with God that we were always meant to have. Hi, I'm Melissa Chan and I am a, Christian emotionally healing coach with a PhD in developmental psychology. And y'all know. I got my trusty co-host, Jasmine Garcia. I do have some bittersweet news. So this is our last episode together for this season. Jasmine is in a season where there's just a lot that she's been called to. and so we. Found that it's for her to those things that are on her but I just wanna say, oh no, I don't wanna cry. This was not planned. I'm like, I didn't know what you were gonna say.

Melissa 1:44

Ugh.

Episode 12 - ADHD and spiritual disciplines 1:45

Agree. Get ourselves together. No, I just, I just wanted to say thank you for, thank you for coming on this journey with me. I know that. When we started, like even when this idea came up, there was a bit like, well, I don't know if I can commit, or I don't know how to do this. Right. And even for me, I didn't have everything planned out. I didn't know what it was gonna look like. But I think regardless, we both made that commitment. We're like, see how it goes. shown me so much grace. In the process, as I was stuff and, just the stress of learning all these and, I am just appreciative so glad that you. Can I say something too? I guess, I know she's entering the episode and I'm like, but I have to say something too. I don't make my makeup run. I remember telling you, I was

Speaker 3 2:44

different,

Episode 12 - ADHD and spiritual disciplines 2:45

We didn't know the timeline. We knew there was a

Speaker 3 2:48

and there was a finish. Mm-hmm. You know,

Episode 12 - ADHD and spiritual disciplines 2:49

I feel like we're both

Speaker 3 2:51

Mm-hmm. Like, there's been very

Episode 12 - ADHD and spiritual disciplines 2:54

like, subtle, but

Speaker 3 2:56

mighty and powerful ways,

Episode 12 - ADHD and spiritual disciplines 2:57

you know? Yeah. Yeah. And so I just, I also

Speaker 3 3:01

I came

Episode 12 - ADHD and spiritual disciplines 3:02

to you like in

Speaker 3 3:03

high alert, vulnerable, bracing for

Episode 12 - ADHD and spiritual disciplines 3:06

contact. Like, full of fear, full of doubt, spiraling

Speaker 3 3:13

I felt like you helped.

Episode 12 - ADHD and spiritual disciplines 3:14

Navigate

Speaker 3 3:18

Mm-hmm

The January Bible reading plan struggle (can you relate?)

What is ADHD and how does it affect spiritual practices?

Episode 12 - ADHD and spiritual disciplines 3:19

Okay. Alrighty. We're going back to our like first episode with the Water Works. Um. Yeah. it's been a joy doing this and I don't know what we have in store in the future for what the podcast is gonna look like, but I am just very grateful that Jasmine has been able to you already know. That we don't show up as women who have it all together clearly we're, we're like less than one minute or a couple minutes into the episode and we're already crying or fighting to not cry. Um, we are actually healing in real time and sharing vulnerably along the way. we're talking real emotions. Emotions, real healing and the real Jesus, we had to get it. Yeah, she got it. If you didn't get it the last episode, I would be like, mm, Nope. Fire. She's done. Done. Jokes aside. Let me just ask y'all. Yeah. Have you ever on January 1st started very, ambitiously this Bible and one year plan, right? It's like. You already know where this is going, right? You start the Bible one year planned, you're gung ho about it. Maybe for the first week, maybe you even lost three weeks, like, dang. And then by that third week, you're like, uh, yeah, no, I'm, I'm done reading through Leviticus. I don't, mm. and then of course the shame cycle happens. You're like, oh man, I try every time, and I mean, well every time, but I just can't get through it. Especially when you get through the, the names, the genealogy. It's like, no, all these names look the same. So, I don't know if you relate to that. If you do raise your hand, because we both have gone through that. the reason why I bring this up is because people who struggle with A DHD, this goes out to those who are officially diagnosed, but also those who aren't officially diagnosed, but go through these particular struggles, When it comes to A DHD, it poses a lot of challenges for engaging in consistent spiritual practices. It doesn't mean that we can't it just might look a little different. So today I'm on the hot seat. Jasmine was the other time we were talking about OCDA, but today it's me. I'm gonna share about my personal story of A DHD, and how that has affected my spiritual walk and how God has navigated me through that.

Jasmine 5:50

I was gonna be like

Episode 12 - ADHD and spiritual disciplines 5:51

ha on the, on the mic. God, I'm gonna be interview once Fun. Great. I'm so happy. No, I, I'm honestly very happy we get to talk about this topic today. I think both have like, such a heart for neurodivergent those who are of the faith, those that are and those who are not

Speaker 3 6:16

Mm-hmm. And I remember like talking to you About it a couple

Episode 12 - ADHD and spiritual disciplines 6:18

months ago when I was really just trying to figure out like, am I neurodivergent? Do I have I have OCD? What do I have some, I have something, brain I realized there were not a lot

Speaker 3 6:30

of

Episode 12 - ADHD and spiritual disciplines 6:32

comes to like

Speaker 3 6:32

bridging. Faith and your divergence

Episode 12 - ADHD and spiritual disciplines 6:36

I'm so yeah, I would more about

Speaker 3 6:40

A DHD and

Episode 12 - ADHD and spiritual disciplines 6:41

your walk of faith and just your story about

Speaker 3 6:43

Getting your

Episode 12 - ADHD and spiritual disciplines 6:44

what that meant

Speaker 3 6:45

Mm-hmm. I know that's a but

My diagnosis story: an answered prayer

Episode 12 - ADHD and spiritual disciplines 6:47

we, we could break it down a little bit more. Yeah. if you've been following along in previous episodes, you've probably talk about getting diagnosed this year with a DHD It has been a rollercoaster of emotions. at first it was very difficult because, I think there was just all this grieving of all the masking that I was doing and realizing that the shame and the guilt and the pressure and just the criticism, self-criticism. It wasn't because I was doing anything wrong, it was just because my brain's wired But I couldn't receive God's grace because I didn't know that. it's interesting, but I think that this. Diagnosis has actually been an answered prayer. Something that I would pray to God all the time because I felt like something was wrong. I didn't know what it was. And I would actually, during prayer time, like grab my head crying, be like God. What's wrong with my brain? Like, what's going on? I can't do anything properly and I'm trying so hard. so this year was finally like this culmination of all that, I felt finally. Free to receive God's grace. And now it's been a journey of understanding how to walk my Christian walk with the way that God has made me.

Speaker 3 8:10

For those that don't on like what

Episode 12 - ADHD and spiritual disciplines 8:12

masking

Speaker 3 8:13

is? Mm-hmm. Yeah. And then,

Episode 12 - ADHD and spiritual disciplines 8:15

take us on the journey

Speaker 3 8:16

of like what your

Episode 12 - ADHD and spiritual disciplines 8:18

walk with God looked prior

Speaker 3 8:21

How God has used that, like you said, like it was you. Mm-hmm. And how it's

Episode 12 - ADHD and spiritual disciplines 8:30

Yeah. Before that, let me tell you what a DHD is. Oh yeah. Um, because I certainly didn't even really know what it was prior to getting diagnosed. I mean, a lot of you probably have this similar understanding of A DHD when I think A-D-H-D-I think of that dog from up squirrel, you know, getting easily distracted. and that's how we typically joke around about it, you know? Like, oh, that's my A DHD. I didn't realize. That it's so much more than there's also different types of A DHD. There's a DHD, hyperactive. what we typically think of. Like the little boy that's bouncing off the walls can't sit still, can't pay attention, you know, or struggle with that. or there's also. A DHD inattention, which is what I've been diagnosed with. And this is actually more common amongst females. a lot of our disorganization isn't necessarily outward, it's inward.

Melissa 9:30

It's

The shame, guilt, and self-criticism I carried for years

Episode 12 - ADHD and spiritual disciplines 9:30

the brain fog. It's our thoughts just jumbled up. But we also. do a better job of masking. which I'll get to in just a bit. So with a DHD and, neurodivergence in general, our brains are just wired differently. Almost like a computer. It takes up so much ram to do very simple tasks like pressing the start button, you know? Yeah. task initiation is very difficult. It takes me a very, very long time to rev up the engine. think about like starting your car and making it run. For most people, they can just get in the car, start it, and go. Right. That's the neurotypical brain. But for the A DHD brain, it's like k. Oh, it's not the engine. Is it dying? You know, I'm trying to start it over and over again and it makes that noise. and it could be like that for a very long time until I'm able to get up and do something. Mm-hmm. I always tell people before I even understood my A DHD I'm like. An object at rest stays at rest. And an object in motion stays in motion. You're like law of inertia. Yeah. Yeah. It was the best way to describe me because, when I try to get started on something, it's really difficult. You know, and I think a lot of students struggle with this, like procrastination. That's one of the things that, people with A DHD may be prone to. Mm-hmm. I know for me it's been procrastination galore. Um, so like. basically all of the executive functioning stuff is very difficult to do. Executive functioning is like decision making, emotional regulation, emotional regulation, prioritization. And the thing is for neurotypical brains. People just automatically just do things. For people with a DHD, like there isn't that auto automation. it's almost like I'm relearning a task every single time. Today, actually, I hadn't driven. Um, quite a while, like maybe a little over a week.'cause I've been working from home. I almost forgot, like, okay, what do I need to do first? Oh, I need to put the keys in the, I need to do the seat. So like, and even driving it felt different. Yeah. I almost, not that I forgot how to drive, I eventually like snapped back into it, but. It just felt weird there can even be a lot of forgetfulness. we struggle with object permanence, which, um, basically outta sight outta mind. It can even be like within my view, but I'm not perceiving it. just to tell a quick story of how this played out. the most recent experience I can think of, I was going to Trader Joe's. Just to buy bagels. Like I needed bagels for sure, and I had a list of other things that I could get. So I'm telling myself, rehearsing the list in my mind as I'm driving and I'm like, okay, Melissa, you're gonna get bagels, you're gonna get avocados, you're gonna get blah, blah, blah. Like all these things. I'm like, okay, good, good, good. Got the bags. Like I'm narrating to myself the different steps in what I'm doing. So tell me why. Forgot the bagels. Huh? Uh, tell me why. I walk into Trader Joe's and then all of a sudden it's like, whoosh. What was I here for? What was it? I'm like, oh, where am I? I'm in Trader Joe's. Ooh, look at these snacks. Ooh, look at this fruit. Let's get some fruit. Oh, this is a good deal. And so I'm like grabbing all these things. and guess what I walked out with? Everything your list. No, a boyfriend. I'm just kidding. I'm like, girl, what? No, I need to go to Trader Joe's with you. I'm kidding. Go to Trader Joe's guys not sponsored.

Melissa 13:08

There's.

Episode 12 - ADHD and spiritual disciplines 13:09

They're cute, cute, uh, cashiers and, uh, bagger. You know, they strike up a conversation and one thing led to another. No, but you're absolutely right. I left with everything but the bagel, and I don't even mean the seasoning from Trader Joe's. So walking into Trader Joe's, I was very intentional. I did all the prep work. but as soon as I entered in, I even forgot that I had a list. That's the thing, like people are like, oh, just use like posters or just make a list. It's like, yeah, I've been trying, but you forget that you even have a list in the first anyhow, all this to say that our brain wiring's different Yeah. And things that are automatic for a neurotypical brain. It's not automatic for a neurodivergent brain. And that poses A lot of issues. We are laughing about it, but it's actually. Not funny when you're know. Oh no, not at all. It's not funny when you're in it. It's not funny when it, affects your daily living or the ways that you show up in different areas of your life. Like we can joke about it cause it's like we gotta make light of it somehow, you know? And we learn to have humor with it. But when you're in the thick of it, there's so much that comes up the person that is. Struggling that's why we thought it was important to talk about it today.'cause people that are not diagnosed and there are

Speaker 3 14:29

people that are diagnosed and how are they

Episode 12 - ADHD and spiritual disciplines 14:31

faith? Yeah. And what are the struggles that they're going through and how can we just a topic of and freedom is gonna look different. Yeah. You know? Mm-hmm. It doesn't mean like you're gonna get rid of your A DHD. Yeah. You know what I mean? And I don't think we even. Should get rid of her. A DHD. This is how God has wired our brain and there's beauty in the A DHD Brain. There's so much, there's creativity, like your more sensitive surroundings there's this highlight of empathy. Mm-hmm. You know?

Speaker 3 14:58

Yeah.

Episode 12 - ADHD and spiritual disciplines 14:58

Mm-hmm. And so, Yeah. So you, you mentioned masking earlier, so

Melissa 15:02

so Oh yes. Please tell us

Episode 12 - ADHD and spiritual disciplines 15:03

Oh yes. Please tell us now that, that came back to my brain. Um, so masking, I think typically people think masking is like. basically withholding information, right? Yeah. So instead of showing what you're feeling inside, maybe you're upset, you smile, right? But a DHD masking is so much more than that. A DHD masking is ignoring your nervous system, ignoring what your body's telling you.

Melissa 15:27

you.

Episode 12 - ADHD and spiritual disciplines 15:27

I do this all the time. At my job, I'm in front of my students and, lecturing all day, and I have to turn it on, you know? even when inside I'm feeling anxious and jittery and, my. body is just overwhelmed. Sometimes I'll be shaking even when I'm lecturing, but I try to ignore it because I'm like, well, I can't break down right now. I'm in front of my students. I can't engage in my, like, stemming, which is, things that we do to help relieve a lot of the anxiety that we feel. Some of my stemming actions may look a little weird to other people, so I would only stem when I'm in the comfort of my own home., Some of the things I would do is just like, really like, rub my face aggressively, or I might even like, hit my head sometimes, because I'm so overwhelmed. I would just burst into tears and just really intensely crying. it's really, really hard to be true to my nervous system when so much of the world and the church is made for neurotypical people.

Speaker 3 16:33

I don't

Episode 12 - ADHD and spiritual disciplines 16:33

know that. The spaces that we have in our

Speaker 3 16:37

church

Episode 12 - ADHD and spiritual disciplines 16:37

communities like really give, atypical opportunity

Speaker 3 16:42

unmask

Speaker 4 16:43

mm-hmm.

Episode 12 - ADHD and spiritual disciplines 16:44

I've never seen

Melissa 16:45

And

Episode 12 - ADHD and spiritual disciplines 16:45

I think part of the reason why is because a lot of people don't understand mm-hmm. That stemming is helpful. It is. Yeah. Um, or assumptions are, are made, um, like attention grabbing or just being disruptive. you know, hey, we're all praying, like why are you getting up and jumping around, like, calm down. You're distracting. Yeah. You know, there's almo this like pressure to conform to the rest of the group because this is the norm, what is needed for me could be a distraction for the rest of the group. And it's so crazy because the masking originates

Speaker 3 17:22

from that external pressure conform.

Episode 12 - ADHD and spiritual disciplines 17:25

Yeah, I can't expect the world to always accommodate me. I can't expect myself to continually deny my nervous system. So there's has to be this middle ground and a lot of my journey now is understanding what is that middle ground. Yeah, I think in terms of spiritual practices in particular, before I found out about A DHD, Some of the things I would engage in were kind of like what I led off with the, Bible in one year, and feeling immense guilt and shame for not being able to follow through and not even lasting for very long to be begin with. when I'm praying, maybe someone asked me for prayer and I'm like, okay, yeah, yeah, I'm on it. I'm on it. Mm-hmm. So then I, I go and I pray, and then mid-sentence I lose my train of thought, which happens all the time. And then, it takes me a while to get back to what I was praying, Consistency. That's the main thing. We struggle a lot with consistency, or at least I did. with A DHD. We're always seeking dopamine, novelty, so consistency is almost like the enemy of novelty. You're doing the same thing all the time. For the A DHD brain, it's hard to focus, on the same thing. I would start doing inductive Bible studies in my quiet time. and maybe I would be doing it for the first month because it's exciting and interesting. And then by the second month it's like, eh. don't wanna do it this way anymore. It's so tiring. You know? Or even within that first month when I'm super intense about, inductive Bible study, I would go down rabbit holes. I mean like deep. Mm-hmm. Rabbit holes. like, I'd be reading the first two verses and I'm like, Ooh, I wonder what the original Greek says on this. And so I'll look that up. And then I'm like, oh, well that's interesting. I wonder what the context is. Let's look up the cultural context. Ooh, let's look up like all this and that. And Oh, I see that this is related to this other passage. Like, let me look at that. Oh, let, let's look up the original Hebrew. And so I can do that for almost like 12 hours, you know? Yeah. the thing about A DHD is while we do get easily distracted, we also enter into hyper focus modes. it's beautiful if it's done in a healthy way. it's where we basically lock in. And for myself, what that feels like is I become so focused, like laser focused on this one thing. I lose track of time. I lose like any grounding that I have with reality. I don't know how to explain it. It's not quite out of body experience, but it's almost like. Blacking out in, in a way because I, I don't even understand or know that time has passed. in my mind I'm thinking, oh, maybe it's only been an hour. And then I look at my watch and it's like, oh, it's been 12 hours. I have not peed the entire day. I have not eaten, I have not taken my dog out for a walk. And all of those, like bodily sensations, the hunger, the like, needing to pee so badly, all of that like hits you at once. Mm-hmm. Once you're like, out of that hyper focus mode. you're having all these, like you're operating in all of these different ways and you don't have a diagnosis, so like. were you thinking? Like what were the, what were you thinking about yourself? Like what were

Speaker 3 20:40

The

Episode 12 - ADHD and spiritual disciplines 20:40

lies that were coming up that you didn't even know were lies, but things that you struggled with, even just the way that you saw yourself. I mean, the main emotions that came up were shame and guilt. I would have these. High standards for myself because these standards were based off of what other people were telling me and my own understanding of what spiritual maturity looks like and what a quote unquote good Christian should do. Yeah, right. Christians, we need to engage in spiritual discipline, spiritual practices. that's part of how we can grow our relationship with God. We have to know him. Through his word and we have to speak to him through prayer. Right. But the thing is, I was so rigid in my thinking that it had to look a certain way, and this was based upon what I was observing other Christians doing, whether that was on Pinterest and Instagram or like amongst my friend group and community. there would be a push for certain things like going to Bible studies consistently or. waking up first thing in the morning and doing very early devo time, which girl? Mm-hmm. Some people can do it. My,

Jasmine 21:46

some people's brains

Episode 12 - ADHD and spiritual disciplines 21:48

does not. Wait. Yeah. Yeah. I was telling Jasmine earlier that my brain doesn't come online until very late in the evening,

Melissa 21:55

and so

Episode 12 - ADHD and spiritual disciplines 21:56

and so around like maybe anytime between 6:00 PM to even like 10:00 PM that's when my brain is like, ugh. We're awake. Let's start working. She's awake right now, y'all. I am. Can you I love it. I, I love it. I was, I was not that way this morning,

Melissa 22:16

but

Episode 12 - ADHD and spiritual disciplines 22:16

yeah. So it, it's like, what, what I was saying earlier takes a while for, for me to rev up and by the time I'm like fully awake, it's like, oh, actually I need to go to bed. I have work, I have responsibilities. So that also makes it hard as well. What kind of sparked up journey a diagnosis Like how do you

Speaker 3 22:39

like God was in.

Episode 12 - ADHD and spiritual disciplines 22:41

of that. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like even in how I am answering these questions, there's a DHD like written all over it because I would go down like describing this one thing and then forget what your question was. Well, so before I answer this question, yes, yes. Let me, let me go back to what you originally asked. Who did I ask? Um.

Melissa 23:12

Healing

Episode 12 - ADHD and spiritual disciplines 23:12

in real time, guys, I hope we make you laugh. Uh, you were, oh, you were asking the, the thoughts, the lies that would come up. Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes. So, um, because I was comparing myself. A lot to either what other people are doing or even just the standard that I thought that all of us as Christians should be like performing at. even though I was trying so hard and I couldn't get there, it would make me feel like I was a failure. No matter how hard I tried, I just simply not only can't get there and can't do enough, but maybe it's because I don't love God as much as I think that was the thing that I was so afraid of and I would repent all the time. God, I'm so sorry I didn't spend time with you today. It's because of the time blindness. I thought that I spent time with you, but I was actually remembering spending time with you from yesterday, you know, because I can't keep track of time or days. I would always be apologizing to God, and just feeling like I was a lost case. you feel like that strange in some ways? I think it did keep me humble. That's the good thing about it. It really highlighted my neediness for God. I if anything, it did allow me to draw closer to him in the ways that I would cry out to God, but it kept me from receiving God's grace.

Speaker 3 24:38

because you're in the, a

Episode 12 - ADHD and spiritual disciplines 24:40

spiral

Speaker 3 24:40

of

Episode 12 - ADHD and spiritual disciplines 24:43

so now you're, seeing all these things repetitive, Was there a moment where I might did that, how did you cross that bridge? Yeah, that's actually an interesting story. I never thought that I would've had A-D-H-D-I think I kind of like joked around about it, only because I would just get distracted. Mm-hmm. Now and again, but that was based upon my limited understanding of A DHD. I was under the impression that A DHD means you're bouncing off the walls and fidgeting and you know, can't sit still. so I was like, Nope, that's not me. I'm not impatient. I can wait all day. You know, it's fine. I can pay attention to people in conversations. It didn't even occur to me. but through all the like. Praying and asking God what is wrong with my brain? And at this time I was also finding out that I had aphantasia the inability to visualize things in my, mind. I, so I. I was praying from this place of like, there's something wrong. Like, I can't, I can't do this. I can't visualize things and I, I can't keep track of time, like, what is wrong with me? Now, earlier this year, as I was talking to God about these struggles, because my A DHD symptoms actually got worse this year, everything that I was doing to mask and not knowing that it was masking, it no longer worked. what actually happened was almost as. The volume of my sensory overload was just like shot up. I felt like. Every noise assaulting my,

Melissa 26:17

ears.

Episode 12 - ADHD and spiritual disciplines 26:18

I felt really dizzy. I felt like I was gonna faint. And these aren't like super loud noises to the typical person, but I would feel so overwhelmed and my heart would be racing. I remember my resting heart rate was one 30 or higher. Like, this is not. Normal. and so talk to God about it, and I would cry and be like, the things that I used to be able to do, I, I just can't do it right now. What's wrong? and God gave me the word, a DHD. I was like, I'm, I'm probably just making this up. There's no way. And I would tell that to God. Like, no, A DHD is usually this and I'm not like that. God kept on giving me that word, A-D-H-D-A-D-H-D. And so finally I was like, okay, I'll go. Get assessed. And even that whole journey took such a long time. You were, you walked through that with me. Yeah. But eventually, I was seen by a psychiatrist and got officially diagnosed and learned that I have a DHD and spades. Like I scored so high on the A DHD scale, you know, being the, uh, overachiever that I am. I didn't realize that all of what I was going through would culminate into this, but I think that God telling me that I have a DHD was such an answered prayer because now I can receive more of God's grace.

Speaker 3 27:39

It's like you understand the

Episode 12 - ADHD and spiritual disciplines 27:43

the way that your

Speaker 3 27:44

mind works. like

Episode 12 - ADHD and spiritual disciplines 27:46

everything that you were it felt like

Speaker 3 27:49

huge battle. It

Episode 12 - ADHD and spiritual disciplines 27:51

redirection. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Like I can go a

Speaker 3 27:55

would

Episode 12 - ADHD and spiritual disciplines 27:55

seem like It's not, it's

Speaker 3 27:57

not an

Melissa 27:59

Yeah, exactly. Um,

Episode 12 - ADHD and spiritual disciplines 28:00

Um,

Speaker 3 28:01

I think there was a

Episode 12 - ADHD and spiritual disciplines 28:03

Not at first. there was a lot of grief, like I, explained earlier. Mm-hmm. There was even just some shame initially, I'm like, I can't do things way that a neurotypical person can, and I struggle with things that neurotypical people don't. So I saw it from this like deficit model eventually though, There was this shift as I kept on talking to God about it being like, I don't know why you even brought this up. Like how is this even helpful to know that I have a DHD aside from, you know, taking medication. God was saying you don't need to compare yourself anymore to a certain standard. I've made you different. I've wired you differently. Different doesn't mean bad, different, just means different. And so since the diagnosis, it's just been learning, okay, how do I function best what are some of the spiritual practices that I can engage in and tweak it a little bit so that it works with my brain wiring. I know we jumped you know, in our train of thought. Yeah. Typical. It works for the episode, you know, I think, um, but.

Speaker 3 29:12

just

Episode 12 - ADHD and spiritual disciplines 29:13

so that we could recap,

Speaker 3 29:14

you

Episode 12 - ADHD and spiritual disciplines 29:14

didn't know you had a you had all of these spiritual disciplines. that you were

Speaker 3 29:20

trying to execute and like do

Episode 12 - ADHD and spiritual disciplines 29:22

and then, you're realizing things are difficult, that was causing

Speaker 3 29:29

one to have feelings of shame and

Episode 12 - ADHD and spiritual disciplines 29:31

guilt, with You are as a woman of God. What does that about your

Speaker 3 29:36

love and

Freedom from people-pleasing and embracing how God made me

What my quiet time actually looks like now (spoiler: it's different every day)

Episode 12 - ADHD and spiritual disciplines 29:38

Where would you say you are now in your Um, journey and how does your walk with God look like now? there has been so much more freedom, I think a lot of this also crosses over, like overcoming people pleasing. once I found out I had a DHD, I was already like. coming out of and I think finding out that I have a DHD, it made me understand that I have a different, set of expectations or standards like for myself and capacity. So, so much of the people pleasing just like completely disappeared and I'm just like, hello world, this is me. And um, I'm okay with you know, people. Not understanding. Like I can sit in that tension of being misunderstood because I know that a lot of people don't understand Neurodivergence. I have this freedom to just be more of who God has made me. And it's been exciting. It's been, kind of like. A little experiment in a way mm-hmm. Of like seeing, what does resonate with me. So some examples would be like instead of doing, quiet time the same exact way every single day, and thinking that's consistency. And that is one way, for myself. Because, my brain is always novelty seeking. I would do quiet time differently each day, but I al would always do quiet time. so maybe one day I'm doing, a more intense study because my energy levels are good. other days when my energy level just plummets, like I wake up and it already feels like I, I've got hit by a semi tre. You know? on those days I would just.

Melissa 31:16

Sit

Episode 12 - ADHD and spiritual disciplines 31:16

with God and set my alarm for maybe like 10 minutes and just be like, God, I just, I want to spend time with you. I come with very little energy, but I need your presence. If there's something you wanna speak to me, then please speak. Holy Spirit, help me to be sensitive to you so I know what God is speaking. If there's something you wanna teach me, if there's a verse you wanna bring to mind, like, do that. I'm open to it. Whatever it is that you wanna say. I'm not coming here with an agenda. I just need to be with you. and then sometimes God doesn't speak anything and I just sit with him for those 10 minutes, but I can feel his presence and then I go about my day, know. Or I'm commuting and I'm praying, talking to God, or I'm listening to a Christian podcast episode, just yeah, different ways every single time. maybe it's like meditating on one verse and, um, I would converse with the Holy Spirit about that one verse the entire day and even look for opportunities to apply. Verse Sometimes it's through interacting with my students. You know, I think it's just being intentional in setting my mind on Christ and it doesn't have to look like this long, Bible study necessarily. I would do that back in the day, but I wasn't always encountering God through it. Sorry, I'm like looking at you and I think like I am some emotions because I've seen you walk

Speaker 3 32:39

like mm-hmm. Like

Episode 12 - ADHD and spiritual disciplines 32:42

to like see the fruit of that joy into You get to God already saw You

Speaker 3 32:54

get to show up in

Episode 12 - ADHD and spiritual disciplines 32:55

as he

Speaker 4 32:56

Yeah. And like

Episode 12 - ADHD and spiritual disciplines 32:57

that's just so don't have to don't have Mm-hmm. But you get to just so beautiful I know the struggle

Speaker 3 33:13

real. Right?

Episode 12 - ADHD and spiritual disciplines 33:15

It is very real, you know, you know, and even getting here was not an

Speaker 3 33:18

road. what

Encouragement if you're struggling or suspect you have ADHD

Practical suggestions: habit stacking and giving yourself permission to shift

Episode 12 - ADHD and spiritual disciplines 33:19

if there's someone out there is I don't know if I have a DHD, but I can really relate mm-hmm. I've actually asked the Lord if there's something wrong with me, you know, what would you tell that There's so much. But I think one of the main things is that, it's beautiful the way that God has made you. God has made you different and that's a good thing the church needs all the different body parts. you don't have to conform to how things are done by other people. You just have to lean in deeper into your intimate relationship with God. Ask for discernment just really lean in to hear the voice of God, to direct you on what that walk should look like. there is freedom waiting for you in that. a. a lot of like letting go of these expectations that have been imposed upon you externally, expectations that you impose upon yourself. letting go of those lies of like my struggles means something. About me like being a failure, not being able to do all these different things. Instead, it's just like, okay, well let's pivot. what does God want me to learn here? How does God wanna work through this? How does God want to grow me in this? This isn't something that is impossible for me to do because I have a God of the impossible. Right? Yeah. So I just wanna encourage you if you can relate to this, whether you are actually diagnosed or just have been struggling or suspect that you have a DHD, it's not something to be ashamed of. There's just been so much joy and so much freedom in being able to just come into who I am. and I'm still learning. So if you want maybe more tangible solutions, I do understand that A DHD is still a struggle. It still is for me. Just a few suggestions could be, trying to associate, a spiritual practice with something that you already do. so maybe you drink coffee every single day. So, as the cup of coffee is brewing, you can then be, Reading through a Bible verse looking at the verse of the day and just praying as you're waiting for the coffee to be done. I think that helps a lot with people who struggle with A DHD because we're attaching it to something that we're already doing. So then we're forming this association it just becomes embedded into this routine. once you get bored of that, particularly spiritual discipline, it's okay to shift. It's okay to shift into another way to connect with God. In fact, it's almost exciting every day. I'm like, I don't know how we're gonna connect to God today, but I get to like, this is fun. You know? so yeah, like look for ways that really resonate with you. Just remember, what's the heart of all of this? What's the heart of spiritual practices and spiritual disciplines? It's not to. Checklist, all this stuff and be like, yeah, I'm the best Christian ever. You know, it's, it's to connect with God, to grow in your understanding of him and to deepen your relationship with him. Right? So

Melissa 36:20

As

The heart behind spiritual disciplines (it's about connection, not checklists)

Free resource for processing intense emotions

Episode 12 - ADHD and spiritual disciplines 36:20

long as that's being accomplished somehow every single day you are growing and, your relationship with God, that's what matters. I mean, that's a little snippet of my A DHD journey. it hasn't been easy, but it's been an exciting wild ride, which is perfect for the A DHD brain. I hope that in listening to this, if you do struggle with these things, you this encouragement. and spur you on to seek, well, how does God want you to interact with him? And if you don't have a DHD or don't struggle with these things, I hope that this has brought some awareness to different brain wiring and how you can, you know, not jump to the conclusion About someone's spiritual walk because they're not engaging in certain practices the same way that you are. I think there needs to be more of that awareness and grace and empathy given to other people who maybe are on the outskirts of Christian I know that, with A DHD and, just really navigating this journey, there can be a flood of emotions that come up. I know for me that that was the case. And with a DHD we also tend to feel things very intensely. So, if you struggle with being able to process emotions in a healthy way, maybe you shut down because it's so overwhelming, and you're so ashamed of even feeling very intense emotions. Or maybe you allow your emotions pre reign and use. Spiral outta control and then you feel bad about that. if that sounds like you, I created a free three day mini course just for you. you can sign up for that. It'll be in the show notes description, a link to that. Thank you so much for joining us on our very last episode together. Yeah. Okay. I'm coming close

Melissa 38:11

so we

Speaker 3 38:11

can say goodbye together. Oh,

Melissa 38:15

Oh, am I slopping your face? It's okay. Are we gonna say the thing together? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But do it in the mic.

Episode 12 - ADHD and spiritual disciplines 38:23

I wish I had elastic lips. Okay, ready? We're talking real emotions, real healing, and the real Jesus. Keep it real, guys. Until next time. Bye.