Uranus Has Better PR Than World Leaders - Trailer Episode!

Markets are spiraling like a sleep-deprived teenager, the moon’s going goth and turning blood-red, India just Alt-F4'd its entire gaming industry, a Chennai clinic made the funniest billboard of the year (our mission is Uranus), world leaders are awkwardly power-posing at a summit, and AI is once again trying to steal your job (or at least your TikTok feed).

In this first trailer episode of Harry’s Hot Takes, Harry Goldberg rants about the ridiculousness of life, the news, and everything in between — with sarcasm, hot takes, and zero filters.

Transcript

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Hello, welcome to the first episode of Harry's Hot Takes. Today, we are diving into everything from moody stock markets to the blood moon, bad gaming laws, and the funniest billboard I've ever seen. Anyway, let's start with the one thing everyone pretends to understand but doesn't, the stock market. Every time I check the news, the markets are either steady and calm or about to collapse. There's no in-between, and it's honestly like a weather forecast but with more billionaires crying. It's always the kiss of death, like when someone in a horror movie says, I think it's safe now. Nope. Nope. You're dead. But seriously, one CEO sneezes weird and Dow dropped 600 points. September is historically the worst month for stocks, apparently, and dropping an average of 3.8% thanks to liquidity shifts and volatility. So we're looking for a rough month, folks. But there's no way to know, because economists are astrologers, but with uglier charts. So we're basically betting on unicorns here. Anyway, while the markets are losing their minds down here on Earth, the moon's busy putting on a horror movie up above. Let's talk about the so-called blood moon. This weekend, the moon's going through its edgy teenager phase. It's turning red and scaring the crap out of superstitious people, it looks like. It's basically, it's cosplaying as Satan's nightlight. But people are still going to treat it like it's the apocalypse filter. And your neighbor Gary is going to still be posting blurry iPhone pictures on Instagram. So, yeah. That's what it really is. If you don't know, basically it's the earth being sandwiched between the moon and the sun. I don't know how we're not burning yet, but it's okay. We'll figure that out later. The moon goes red, though, and TikTok goes dumb, and that doesn't make much sense because TikTok was already dumb. But something else that doesn't make any sense, if blaming the blood moon for the apocalypse sounds lame, wait until you hear what India just did to online gamers. They banned real money online gaming. Congrats, India. You just turned every gamer into a day trader they basically rage quit a 3.6 billion dollar business with a single pen stroke which is kind of crazy when you think about it because i cannot imagine grinding all night just to find out the government patched my wallet you can literally bet everything on cricket there but not candy crush with real money it's kind of insane and you can also still lose fake gold in fortnite but heaven forbid you win a rupee enough about bans and regulations though let's lighten the mood with the greatest billboard i've ever seen yes it's about uranus Literally. Yours. This is the greatest ad ever. Quote, let Elon explore Mars. Our mission is Uranus, end quote. I am not making that up. This ad on the Chennai, and again, I don't know if I'm pronouncing that right, the Chennai Clinic billboard combines a great, great rare, it makes a great rare combo of humor and health. It made me laugh, and it also made me think about needing to schedule my next colonoscopy at 20 years old, so there's a win-win there, and it's also more memorable than kamala's negative 20 million dollar campaign so if you can't sell health care with butt jokes then what are we even doing i mean but from a butt joke about uranus to a global summit in china honestly they're not that different both are full of crap but we'll unpack the serious one here um the seo summit in tianjin and i don't know if i'm pronouncing that right uh again world leaders are showing up to pretend they run the world and kim jong-un made a rare appearance he showed up and it's honestly like Willy Wonka leaving the factory for the first time in 20 years except Kim Jong-un literally looks like he's full of chocolate so there's a big difference there but truthfully no one solves anything at these things I mean I don't see why Kim Jong-un being there would solve anything the dude literally wants to bomb somebody but he just can't and they just slap diplomatic glitter on all these old problems so I guess my hot take for this one is that summits are just model UN, but with nukes. I don't know if anyone would agree with that, but you can't really argue with it. Anyway, while the world's politicians pretend to run things, the real takeover is happening quietly. AI is back, and it's everywhere. It's like glitter. You think it's gone, and then it's stuck on everything in your house and your classroom. ChatGPT is still grading essays, and it has not improved. It's still scanning for buzzwords like therefore, And then it's moving on. But apparently AI TikToks are coming up soon. I'm not really sure. People think it's because Midjourney just launched its first AI video model, model V1, which apparently is better than Runway and OpenAI Sora. I don't know. I haven't really used it yet, but I'm guessing that grandparents are going to still be tricked into thinking that a duck with chicken legs is real. So, yeah. But AI really isn't going to replace us. It's replacing born humans, which does mean more dumb podcasts like this one. But to everyone who's scared that AI will take your job, spoiler alert, if a robot can do your job, maybe you deserve to lose it. But yeah, that's pretty much it. I mean, AI is impressive, but not as impressive as people who want to work. Anyway, so yeah, Moody Markets, Red Moons, Band Games, Awkward Leaders, Robots Making Videos, and Uranus is trending. Just another week on planet Earth, and this has been Harry's Hot Takes. See you next time.