All Tomorrows: The Ultimate Grimdark Evolution

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What happens when evolution is forced on humanity as a punishment not for crimes, but for curiosity? Welcome back to Acceptable Losses. Today, DK, PancreasNoWork, and Kirioth traverse a countless amount of time to watch the fall of humanity and the creatures that rise in its ashes. We are exploring C. M. Kosemen's "All Tomorrows," a work of speculative evolution that showcases the dark destruction of humanity as we know it.

After humanity's descendants encounter the Qu—a hive-mind of billion-year-old nomads—they are genetically warped into unrecognizable abominations to populate new worlds. From the tragic Mantelopes trapped in a culture of grief, to the Colonials forced to live as sentient waste filtration units, it is a fate worse than death.

Because "All Tomorrows" is a very art-heavy medium and podcasting is an audio format, DK and Pancreas are tasked with describing these unspeakable horrors in terrible detail for your amusement.

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:14

Welcome everyone to another episode of the Acceptable Losses Podcast, where normally Kirioth sends us screaming, crying, pissing, and begging for mercy in some grim dark hellscape. But this time, Pancreas No Work is here, and he's gonna do that. But before he does, head to shop.orgid8.com and pick up some of our sweet merch. No, he won't. It's still Kyrieoth. Whatever. It's early. I'm in the middle of a move. He's here. Doesn't matter. Shut up, shy. We're doing an episode. Shop.org8.com. Be a weeb for Lincoln. You like sci-fi, don't you? Uh, I think there's still some coins, some wall scrolls. It's great. Check it out. Kirioth, before you do the episode that I thought Pancreas was doing, tell him about the Patreon.

SPEAKER_00 1:05

I mean, I could always, I could always send you the script, Pancreas, and you could just blindly for us.

SPEAKER_01 1:10

I I I'm not gonna lie, the the the panic I just felt was pretty pretty potent.

SPEAKER_02 1:16

No, I read the schedule wrong. Sorry. It says with Pancreas. I thought it said Pancreas doing it. So sorry for the dread that just got put into your soul, Pancreas.

SPEAKER_00 1:28

Pancreas is like, oh my god, is this next April? What the hell is this? Oh no, bro. Well, funnily enough, when it comes to uh when it comes to me hosting things, that's generally what you'll find on the Patreon at patreon.com slash acceptable losses. And if you go there and you support us in a monetary fashion, you get access to episodes early, and you get exclusive episodes only available to patrons. We are we've got two more left for this month. We are racking them up. There's a good number on there, and there is quite a uh quite a a vast array of subjects for it as well, from some like Grimm's fairy tales all the way to things like threads, and soon pure existential horror shall be yours as well. Plus, if you follow us, then you'll be able to get threads as a free gift. So head over to patreon.com forward slash acceptable losses, and uh yeah, give give us a follow. Give it a look.

SPEAKER_02 2:27

Yeah, threads is a gift. Boy, that that's that is a choice of words right there. The episode is a gift. Um the the the topic of it is oh boy, it's worth watching, it's worth listening to, but uh big old yikes. Yeah, a little bit.

SPEAKER_01 2:51

It's like that's a wonderful question. I'm in charge, and boy howdy. Uh oh.

SPEAKER_00 2:58

Oh my god. Well, I can tell you, if you'd like to know, and it's I'm I'm so looking forward to this. You've I'm afraid the two of you, you have got you've got work to do this time. Like you're not fully off the hook.

SPEAKER_01 3:10

Am I am I singing again? Oh don't worry, we weren't that mean.

SPEAKER_00 3:14

We weren't that horrible. No, because today we've got all tomorrows. Now, do you have do you have any any uh any knowledge of this particular work before we get started, or is this gonna be a complete mystery to you?

SPEAKER_02 3:31

Complete mystery. Honestly, it sounded like an episode of Star Trek to me, but I was like, there's no way we're doing one episode on like just No, I don't.

SPEAKER_01 3:42

I have been told I have no mouth and I am a scream but galaxy-wide, which sounds utterly horrifying.

SPEAKER_00 3:50

Yeah, that's that's that's pretty much it. And uh it's amazing. It's very fun, but boy, is there a lot to get through. So, we're gonna start out with uh a billion-year chronicle of the myriad species and the mixed fortunes of man. So speculative evolution is an exploration into various hypothetical scenarios when it comes to biology in a science fiction sense. Sometimes it's written in line with some literary classics like H. G. Wells the Time Machine, but in 1981, Dougald Dixon would release After Man. This book was an artistic exploration that hypoth hyp hyp Oh god, this word hypothesised, there we go, uh how the natural biomes of the earth would change after humanity vanished. This book would turn the concept of speculative evolution into a more artistic endeavour through a wide range of mediums, including art books and discovery documentary style shows like The Future Is Wild in 2002. You could even consider the Avatar film series to be a form of stylized speculative evolutionary media. The internet has been a goldmine when it comes to these works, including Possum's first personal favourite one, which is Dylan Badger's extensive series, Serena, a natural history of the world of birds, which is about a domestic canary being placed on a world that results in a multi-million year evolutionary study. That is the most possum-coded thing I've ever heard. Yeah, a little bit. There is, however, one story in the realm of speculative evolution that asked a dark question. What if the evolution faced was not by choice or by time? What if evolution was forced on humanity as a punishment, not just for crimes, but also for curiosity? The curiosity of humanity would lead to its downfall and would result in humanity becoming a curiosity in and of itself. C. M. Coisman not only asks this question, but also answers it. The twisted imagery of what happens to humanity in all tomorrows is a dark destruction of humanity as we know it, and we get to watch helplessly as it's reconstructed into something unrecognizable. Though we're not going to view some of these abominations as human, some were forced to remember what they used to be, so today unacceptable losses, we're going to traverse a countless amount of time to watch the fall of man and the creatures that rise from the ashes.

SPEAKER_02 6:23

Oh boy. So look, I I know that these episodes are never just a walk through the tulips and sunshiny days, but yikes. Um like the them being mutated and like malformed and twisted, and then also remembering how they used to be. Oh man, that's brutal.

SPEAKER_01 6:47

Yeah, and those uh those accompanying images sure are oh my god, that looks wrong.

SPEAKER_00 6:55

Yeah. Well, I mean, I've got good news for you because uh Possum has a task. There's no quotes today, except for one at the very end, which is great for you two, because it means you don't have to do quotes. But the thing is that on the other side of things, uh you have got to take the pictures that will be supplied as we go through and really like take the time to describe in terrible detail what horrors are being presented on the screen. Like, because this is partly a visual medium, this book, and we're doing an audio medium. And you know not everybody's watching on YouTube, right? Yep. And Shy will most likely have to censor a good number of them so that some key details will probably be lost anyway. So uh yeah, uh Possum has explicitly said, none of this, oh what is that, or I'm sorry what when looking at a picture. You need to look at the remnants of humanity in their eyes and describe exactly what it is that you see.

SPEAKER_02 7:54

I mean, I'm still gonna say those things, but I will also try to describe in between the oh god, what is that? I'll I'll try to describe to the best of my ability what I am looking at. Would you would you like to go first?

SPEAKER_01 8:09

Oh or or is this your just the warm-up here? Or just we just get to appreciate this.

SPEAKER_02 8:17

I feel like we should both be describing it, right? Like this shouldn't be a we take turns, yeah?

SPEAKER_00 8:23

I think that works. Yeah. I mean, let's let's start with the book cover. Just in case that has to be. I mean, I'm looking at it and I feel like there's at least one thing I can see that YouTube probably won't like, but I could be wrong. Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_02 8:37

There's there's a lot. I mean, at at least the book cover, they're like humanoid, right? Like obviously their faces are kind of like jacked up, and that thing on the right's hand is very bulbous.

SPEAKER_01 8:51

It seems like the f the the webbing between a duck's feet is what that guy's hand is.

SPEAKER_02 8:57

Yeah, kinda. Um also it's it's it's hard to ignore the the the middle guy that's doing sort of the T posing for dominance. It's kind of hard to ignore the weird tendrils coming out of his crotch where any form of genitalia should be. What the DNA dick? Yeah. Well, yeah, there's like a oh yeah, I guess there is like a double helix. It's not really a double helix. Uh I thought that was like tattooed on his leg, but I guess it's kind of not, is it?

SPEAKER_01 9:26

No, it's it's it's hanging out. It's it's like floating in front of him, it looks like.

SPEAKER_03 9:30

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:31

Also the other guy who has a a a left for dead witch hands, but with extra fingers, and also the like 80 degrees backwards penis. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 9:47

Yeah, I I I thought that was a tail.

SPEAKER_00 9:50

Uh yeah, it's kinda That's a tough one, actually. It could it could be either. It was almost got like a Yeah, but then he's got that like whiz.

SPEAKER_02 9:58

The little tail looks like it's on the front. Oh yeah, that. Yeah, I was yeah. Sometimes size matters, right?

SPEAKER_01 10:08

This is this is uh cr creative looking, as we can put it.

SPEAKER_02 10:12

You know, it looks like it's from um what was that horror book uh what is it? Scary Stories to Tell After Dark. It looks like something right out of that.

SPEAKER_01 10:22

Can I can I make a overall guess as to what many of these designs will look like? Yeah, go for it. The statement I'm going into this is it looks like like Pinhead uh took the human genome and hit I'm feeling lucky on it. Like this He hit the randomize all button. Yeah, uh and it's it's you know it's pinhead, so it's utterly horrifying to look at. Like if I saw any of these beings, I I'm I'm running for my life. I I do not I'm I'm I'm sure they're lovely, but I do not want to uh not to say that they're random, but uh oh the uh this is all for a purpose.

SPEAKER_02 11:06

And their head and their heads are like very insectoid too. Yes. Yeah. So and and the the one in the middle's got that really weird fanned out hairstyle that's just like, yes, you must be crazy. Makes me want to do a bit of dry brushing on scenery, that hairdo. Oh yeah. Paintbrush, you're right. Yep, yep, yep, yep. Don't know why I didn't immediately go to paintbrush.

SPEAKER_00 11:27

That big note. Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. That's how I do buildings. That's just just throwing that out there. It's the right it's the right shape. Anyway, let's uh let's let's get into humanity itself. So the timeline for this story is vague, and we'll explain why at the very end. But when it comes to a starting point, we're looking at somewhere in the late 2050s to 2300-ish. Humanity would unify under one banner, however, resources would begin to grow thin after the global population reached about 12 billion. Something needed to be done, and humanity would look to Mars as a last ditch effort to save the species. Though the technology to colonyze the red planet had existed for quite some time, it was unappealing. Life had become comfortable on Earth, but now that humanity was at the brink, it needed to be done. So we're gonna start out with humanity on Mars, with uh with our first our first picture of your standard Martian human. Oof, boy, the human genome did not start off well, did it? It's just got a strong jawline, that's all.

SPEAKER_01 12:30

Yeah. Yeah, I mean it's it we're still it's still like clearly a human. True. It is still clearly human. Um Bricky forehead.

SPEAKER_02 12:41

Wow. Nah, his forehead's not that big, shy. Brickies or this guy? This guy. Yeah, but uh anyway, it obviously human, relatively normal. Artistic liberties aside, you know, it's a human. Normal.

SPEAKER_01 13:00

Yeah, yeah, you know, it's it's I would I wouldn't you know this is this is human enough, like I wouldn't my first reaction wouldn't be fear. Uh it's and you know, I've I've read things like, you know, people born on other planets, hypothetically, like there's gonna be all sorts of wacky things with that because of, you know, different gravity and atmosphere composition. So but you know, this is this is still human.

SPEAKER_03 13:24

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 13:25

Brown hair. That's fair. Yeah. Hazelish eyes.

SPEAKER_03 13:28

Yeah, you know, human.

SPEAKER_00 13:31

Human. Almost a normal lad. That's that's the last of those you're gonna see for quite some time. So phenomenal. Something that was uh unexpected about moving to Mars was how long it would take to terraform the red planet. It would take centuries of experimentation, including the forced collision of comets, to bring underground water to the surface. Slowly, flora and fauna from Earth modified to survive in the new atmosphere would be introduced, and finally, one-way fusion rockets packed the rafters with colonists would land. As time would go on, the more damaging industries of Earth would turn their eyes to Mars and view it as an opportunity to continue what they'd done for centuries, but now without much fear. They would be messing up Mars, not Earth. This period of several hundred years would be known as the terrestrial heyday. Earth would flourish economically and culturally while Mars would suffer. I mean, corporations can a corporation, aren't they?

SPEAKER_02 14:28

Yeah, I was gonna say that sounds like the most Earth thing ever, or like the most American thing ever. Just awful corporation sees new thing that they can bleed dry for their own profit and golly gee, I guess we're gonna do it.

SPEAKER_01 14:42

I for the for the slightest bit of, you know, uh leave the billion-dollar corporation alone, m madam. Uh I if you're gonna, you know, set up awful, horrible factories and just ruin the landscape, you might as well do it on a planet that's not like, you know, Earth. But also if they're terraforming it anyways, that really does seem like making a painting and then pissing all over it. It's like, why did you why did you do that?

SPEAKER_02 15:11

And aren't they just gonna do it on both planets and just ruin them both? Because it's not that corpse is gonna be like, oh guys, don't worry, we're not gonna do it on Earth anymore. We're just gonna fuck over Mars. They're just gonna fuck them both over, right?

SPEAKER_00 15:23

I mean, it seems like they did shift enough of it over to Mars to keep Earth relatively pristine. But it's that thing of you've spent centuries experimenting here, you've spent centuries doing this, and you're now ruining it for reasons.

SPEAKER_01 15:39

At any point in the last like 300 years, you could have moved over when it was still red dirt and nothing else. Now that it's you know nice and clean, let's ruin it. And populated. Yeah, and populated animals. You know, pollution isn't the same if you know you're not giving someone lung cancer.

SPEAKER_00 16:03

It takes all the joy out of it. Why even bother at that point? So in time, the humans on Mars would begin to diversify, forming their own independent culture and society. They would refer to themselves as the Martian Americans or the M Marin Iranian Mar Mariner Oh my god. You know what? There's a couple of words in this one that I've practiced and I still couldn't get. Mariner Marinarians.

SPEAKER_02 16:29

Wow. I yeah, I guess because it's going for Martians, but it's like, so it'd be marinarians. But it's I first saw that I was like extra bit. I was like Meninians?

SPEAKER_01 16:43

Like what that is a word and a half.

SPEAKER_00 16:46

Yeah, I know it's Marinari I can't even. I know it's not true.

SPEAKER_01 16:54

Marinarians trying to say this is making me realize, Dan, there's a reason we just say Martians. Yeah, yeah, can we yeah, can we just say Martians?

SPEAKER_00 17:03

Yeah. We're gonna we're gonna sit with Martians. We I appreciate the effort from Cosman here, but uh that short circuits my brain in a way that very few words do. Um it's part of your punishment. Like it's not just the people in the book being punished.

SPEAKER_02 17:17

It's like you're reading this. Read the word, idiot, read it.

SPEAKER_00 17:22

That that stinks to something that was never supposed to be said out loud, and no consideration was given for that. Um, the division between the Martians and the humans of Earth would become more and more dramatic as years would drag on. It would start as a silent schism that would form into more of a cold war. Martian culture would be steeped in the ideas of revolution and separation from Earth, and the bounty of resources on Mars compared to Earth was seemingly endless. By the year 3000-ish, Mars would be would ban non-essential trade with Earth. The stripping of access to the planet would end the terrestrial heyday in a catastrophic manner. It would decimate the resources on Earth while also collapsing the economy, and Earth would respond with force. And the civil war between Mar and Earth, Mars and Earth was absolutely brutal. Earth would destroy Phobos, resulting in the shattered moon raining down onto the surface, while Mars would counter with a polar impact that would kill one third of its population. The war was fought with automatons, maximizing damage and prolonging the conflict. Lovely.

SPEAKER_02 18:35

Did Earth did you say Earth destroyed Phobos simply because they knew the remnants would just fall on Mars and hopefully just annihilate them?

SPEAKER_01 18:46

I mean, why bother with a nuke when a comet will do the same thing? That's crazy. This is so far it's kind of reminding me of like Marathon lore, uh, which is cool. Oh man, Marathon got you too, huh? Uh no, I've never played the new one. I mean just like OG like OG Marathon lore.

SPEAKER_02 19:05

Oh, okay. I I never played it. I only know the uh the newish one. Yeah. Because it has this icy grip around Bricky's brain. It really a lot. Before every recording. Hey guys, I was playing Marathon and it reminded me of this thing because Marathon's so great. Didn't realize how great it would be. Boy, marathon, marathon, marathon. All right, Brickie, we get it.

SPEAKER_01 19:30

Also, I did just look up for reference uh how big that is, and that is seven miles worth of debris that uh is raining down on Mars on account of Phobos blowing up. You know, the moon, but that's not an insubstantial amount of rock. No. No, no, no.

SPEAKER_00 19:52

That's uh Well, I mean, by its conclusion, eight billion lives on Mars and Earth would be lost, and both cultures would be facing inevitable extinction. Way to go, lads.

SPEAKER_02 20:06

Um Yeah, that that that makes sense when you're using uh busted up comments and uh comets, comets and uh polar impacts.

SPEAKER_00 20:16

Yeah, that that yeah it's an uh extinction level event. It's almost like that's a bad idea or something. But you know, we if there's nothing if there's nothing that humanity doesn't like, it's a good war. Love a good war. Every now and again you just gotta get out of the system and apparently blow the shit out of each other to an insane degree. That's sound a little too strong to hard times and all that. Little little too relevant right now. Don't like that. Yeah, I I said it and then immediately felt slightly sad. So peace had to be forced had to be forced to keep humanity alive, and both planets would form the survival committee that had the express interest of preserving humanity by whatever means possible. They would create a new race of humanity, a post-human species with greater intellect and genetic superiority. Something that was highly adaptable, something that could colonize, something that could carry the torch of humanity without being snuffed out by petty conflict. This race would be known as the Star People, and in order for them to survive, the former shell of humanity would have to die. The populations of Earth and Mars would be sterilized so that they could raise the Star People without fears of tampering. The majority would find this to be a sound decision, and as the Star People rose, the original human race would fade into nothingness.

SPEAKER_01 21:39

I so we've I feel like we've immediately gone to insanity.

SPEAKER_02 21:47

What uh yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:51

Yeah, that's a lot of some swervage. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. Um but uh writing was on the wall, they'd ruined everything. Everything. They had annihilated a good chunk of Earth and Mars. You know, eight billion people dead. Given that the population on Earth, like a few hundred years before, was 12 billion, a loss of eight billion, and presumably a ton of your resources. Yeah, resources, crops, animals, just all the stuff that you need to keep a big population alive on either planet. It doesn't actually sound admittedly, the creation of an entirely new branch of humanity is a bit wild, but the whole facing extinction thing, I can absolutely see that bit for sure.

SPEAKER_02 22:38

I was gonna say, if you have the technology to literally make star people who are more advanced, more adaptable, and just straight up better humans. Like you you couldn't you couldn't save humanity, you couldn't I I'm not even going that far. Well, yeah. I listen you just casually, I don't think they need to sterilize everyone. I I'd I'd you're right. You're right.

SPEAKER_00 23:13

There's just an incredible level of uh of self-realization, perhaps, where everyone that's left is like we are the worst. Yeah, I've I feel like we might be collectively not good at this whole uh existing around each other thing, it turns out. So are we the babies?

SPEAKER_02 23:35

Yeah. Also, Star Child Star people look oh god, Star Child, sheesh fuck you, Mass Effect 3. Um the Star people, they look they still look vaguely human. They got kind of bigger, bulbous heads, and they look like they're kind of tripped out and having a little bit of the old uh the they went to go visit old Mary Jane, Juana. Um, but you know, still vaguely human, kinda kind of long necks, but you know, nothing nothing too crazy yet.

SPEAKER_01 24:03

Remind me to never take the Mary Jane you have. Oh god, what? But I I you know I agree they're still mostly human, but what's they look stoned out, dude. They look like they just greened out. Alright, and you're zooming in, I can kind of see it. Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 24:27

It's the it's the slightly droopy eyelids, isn't it?

SPEAKER_02 24:29

It's just the I I think so, yeah. Yeah. Is humanity a pretty good idea? And like the kind of worried furrowed eyebrow a little bit where it's just you'd kind of it yeah, yeah. Yeah, you get it.

SPEAKER_00 24:40

I mean, I'd be worried if I knew I'd been created because the people who came before me had nuked themselves into oblivion. I'd be like, wow, this is the legacy? Cool. Thanks.

SPEAKER_01 24:55

You know, let's see, it's there's a new humanity. I I I I man, you know, 2.5 is out.

SPEAKER_03 25:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:04

Well, the star people would uh complete the attempts to expand outward from Earth and Mars that humanity failed at, and within only a few generations, not only Earth and Mars would be unified, but the majority of the solar system would be colonized. They would accomplish rapid colonization with fast semi-sentient ships that we sh would be shot towards star systems that were programmed to terraform when they found celestial bodies. The terraforming process would include the ability to rebuild star people from genetic information stored in the programming. Unfortunately, this would affect their development in some way. Those star people that were born of the machines would view the machines as their true creators, and their growth would be stunted. Meanwhile, those who spread out directly from the Milky Way without the full usage of these machines would be able to fully colonize one full spiral arm of the galaxy while remaining connected. This would begin the summer of man. And surely nothing could go wrong from this point on. They're doing well.

SPEAKER_02 26:06

Yeah, they're they're doing well. Also, the summer of man, they're star people. Come on, humanity is done. There's a star people.

SPEAKER_01 26:14

My money is on Star People Civil War.

SPEAKER_02 26:18

Well, my my money is on star people finding something they shouldn't and handling it very poorly.

SPEAKER_00 26:25

Oh, oh well, I'll tell you what, let's uh let's carry on, you'll find out. So uh contact between such a huge swath of star people would be consistent and instantaneous. Connectivity assured survival and the development of new technologies, and of course, colonization would continue. This would involve the eradication of alien flora and fauna and replacing it with stuff originally derived from Earth. They would of course continue to explore these worlds they were colonizing, and one particular planet would change everything. On the surface, they'd find fossils that they'd call Pandoravis pandora. This fossil was peculiar for one specific reason. It was a descendant of a pherizinosaur, which is an Earth dinosaur. This stood out because its bone structure was calcium-based, while all the alien creatures on this planet had copper based skeletons. Some would view this as evidence that the original humans and life on Earth was evidence of divine creation, others, however, feared something far worse. Something may have created life in this galaxy, seeded it throughout, something far older than humanity. A fear of conflict with something beyond comprehension began to grow, and many of the colonies of star people would begin to research weaponry and defences in case whatever gave life to this galaxy returned, including, by the way, the technology to destroy stars. Unfortunately, the ones preparing for the worst would be right, and their weapons would be entirely useless when they encountered the Q. Oh no, not Q Whoa.

SPEAKER_02 28:05

Oh. I am assuming this is this is the Q.

SPEAKER_01 28:10

Alright. Yep. So I the main one, the like, you know, the main guy looks like a praying mantis crossed with both like some deep sea like scuttlefish looking thing and the clover field monster.

SPEAKER_02 28:29

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Definitely. And it's got like four uh I don't know, they kind of remind me of like you know, those yeah, they're they're wings. They're like these fleshy wings, but it's like kind of what you would imagine from like um I don't want to say biblically accurate angel, but like there's something like biblical about the way the four wings are placed. Um, but it's obviously just this big fleshy insectoid thing. And um it's got one main tentacle for its body that l appears to be wrapped around a flamethrower.

SPEAKER_01 29:06

Something along those lines. And the you know, that we have the you know, the that classic, I forget the name of it, but you know, the the drawing of the guy and man. There we yeah, there we go. Thank you. And then I I he's got his two little helpers.

SPEAKER_02 29:21

Yeah, they're two little like flying bug things. One looks like it's a balloon and the other one kind of looks like a I don't know why, but I immediately thought of like an amoeba, but I don't it's not really an amoeba or anything cellular like that. It's really insectoid, kind of crustacean-like.

SPEAKER_01 29:36

That's yeah, that's kind of what I meant when I was like it's a good like the deep sea fish kind of looking.

SPEAKER_03 29:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:42

It's weird. Extremely. Well, the Q w were a hive mind who existed for billions of years. And uh they're nomads from another galaxy that had the ability to control the material world. Their power was complemented with incomprehensibly advanced nanotechnology that allowed them to alter organics with ease and to travel across star systems with impossible speed. Their power resulted in religious dogma and they viewed themselves as the shepherds of the galaxy, or the universe even, with a mission, remaking said universe as they saw fit. They became blinded in this self-imposed mission, and when they returned to the Milky Way, they were disgusted. They saw the star people attempting to alter and control reality against the Q's will. This was an affront to their mission, and the Star people, obviously, needed to be punished.

SPEAKER_02 30:36

Don't you just love it when an all-seeing, all powerful race comes back and be like, How did you not know to do this thing we didn't tell you not to do? Now we're punishing you.

SPEAKER_00 30:45

That's bullshit, man. How how dare you interfere with this thing you didn't know existed? Fuck you. We can give us a warning.

SPEAKER_01 30:54

We can alter the DNA of anything we look at as we see fit. You do it for survival, and you're going straight to super hell.

SPEAKER_00 31:05

Well, in less than a thousand years, the Q would destroy or warp almost every star person colony across the galaxy. They would find that the star people wiped out the original ecologies on these worlds they created billions of years prior, and they felt that this needed to be punished even more. The punishment was simple, at least to the Q. They would restructure the genetic makeup into new flora and fauna to populate these worlds while destroying any semblance of their technology or culture. A fate worse than death. Some of the star people would live meaningless lives, others would be pets, and the worse off would be used as filtration systems that retained their sentience.

SPEAKER_01 31:45

Oh that that's kind of explaining the cover of the book now, why so I that why could a couple of them look vaguely like dinosaur heady.

SPEAKER_02 31:57

Yeah, that's not great. Uh, yeah, living out the rest of your life as a sentient filtration system that remembers what it's like to be a star person that could traverse oh man.

SPEAKER_01 32:11

I was wondering, too, like what is uh as this was starting and you know, the star people, it's like, so this is all very intentional. There's purposes here, right? Like this, you know, I whether or not you agree with, you know, OG humanity all needed to go. Uh I understand what the vision is of why they're, you know, they're all the genetic modifying. And I was wondering, what is the benefit of dinosaur face? There is no benefit. That is the punishment.

SPEAKER_03 32:40

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 32:41

Yep. That's and uh it's honestly dinosaur face and the people on the cover got off easy. Yeah, they're not an air vent. Yeah. They're not a sentient like toilet bowl. So that's that's that's great for them. This and six out of ten to which you wow, you think my Twitch streams are six out of ten? That's wow, that's average. Holy shit. Are you sure you didn't mean to put like a minus in front of that six? Have some faith. Have some faith in yourself. I well, I it's shy. Like that she gave me a more than a one out of ten is wild.

SPEAKER_00 33:22

My my favorite, my favorite of your Twitch streets are when you get ambushed by me or Possum with terrible news, like Liv Morgan's released a new single. Those are my favorites.

SPEAKER_02 33:32

No, don't put that. Listen, this is already a grim, dark enough thing, man. We don't need to we don't need to talk about that, and we don't need to go off on a wrestling tangent either. So let's just let's just reel this thing back in with the fishing line.

SPEAKER_01 33:45

Also, DK, I'm afraid it's on the IGN scale, so that is basically a one-on-one. Ah, cool, cool, cool, cool.

SPEAKER_02 33:52

Yeah, that's that's about what I expected then. Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. Yep, yep, yep, yep.

SPEAKER_00 33:56

Well, in a move that is only marginally worse than that new Liv Morgan single, uh, the queue would dominate these new humans for 40 million years before vanishing and leaving these monstrosities behind without a master, along with monolithic statues dedicated to their total galactic dominance. And uh 40 million years! It's a hilarious number. It shouldn't be because it's really grim, but it's just it's so long to spend like just fucking with people because you're annoyed with them. Like that that is generational hatred. That is incredible.

SPEAKER_01 34:36

It's both incredibly excessive, but almost I almost kind of makes sense because if you're traversing galaxies and whatnot, like the scale is so incomprehensible that of course they're gonna do it for 40 million years.

SPEAKER_00 34:50

Yeah, millions of years old. 40 million is nothing. It's just about to say, like it's over.

SPEAKER_02 34:57

I I just assumed the Q were nigh immortal, and it's like, oh yeah, 40 million years, that's like a 10-year sentence to us.

SPEAKER_00 35:04

So 10-year sentence of having a right laugh and messing up an entire an entire species.

SPEAKER_02 35:11

The best thing that probably ever happened was them leaving, and it's like, finally, they at least they stopped actively torturing us.

SPEAKER_01 35:19

Thank you, thank you for the small correction, Shy. Only a mere 40 million years of Super Hell.

SPEAKER_00 35:27

And now they get to deal with the remnants of Super Hell. Well, we're gonna go through the remnants of Superhell uh because we're going to go through the new humans that the Q left behind. So uh first up, we have the worms. Oh, I don't like it.

SPEAKER_02 35:45

I don't Oh boy. It I mean, it is what it says on the tin. Uh it's it is a worm-like creature that has stubby arms and really disturbing faces that just kind of look like their eyes just look like two little like slanted slits, and the mouth is just in this really uncomfortable, like one of them is a very uncomfortable open, like thing, and the other is just not, and they got these stubby little legs, and I don't know if that's another face on the other end of this sort of elongated.

SPEAKER_01 36:24

I'm I'm pretty sure that's a butt.

SPEAKER_02 36:26

That that's yeah. I was gonna say, I'm not sure if that's another face or just, you know, genitalia slash a place for waste to come out from, but yeah, it's gross.

SPEAKER_00 36:38

It's uh it's a rough start. It's a rough start. These are the ancestors of star people who lived on a hot desert world and the queue made this world even harsher. Life only survived thanks to crystalline plants underground, kind of allowing for life to continue beneath the dirt. The worms were only able to dig through the ground, devouring anything they found, even other worms if they did not wish to mate. Though they were non-centient, uh they retained genetic memories of humanity, though it meant nothing to them.

SPEAKER_01 37:10

Oh. Cool. So it's just a non-stop sense of like depressed nostalgia over what they were, which they don't understand, but they that sucks.

SPEAKER_02 37:22

That's oh man. Oh imagine imagine being a star person, and then this is what you're like. Yeah, Q are indeed kinda mean. They're kinda mean.

SPEAKER_01 37:39

Yep, yep, yep, yep. I I do like the top-down view, although it's now making me I do they have like two sets of eyes, is what I'm kind of wondering now. Like is a strong word for well I appreciate the top-down view. How about that? Yeah, I'm glad I'm I'm not glad it's here. I'm well, you know.

SPEAKER_00 37:59

Oh, hang on. I think I think the eyes are on the top, and actually it's a lot of things. Oh, that might be a nose. Yeah. Oh, somehow that's just made it worse. It was really bad, but it's that's Yeah, that's awful. That's oh man. Yeah, I I Well, I've got good news for you. I've got really good news for you. Because uh the next the next ones are the Titans. And don't worry, they're not like the the worms.

SPEAKER_02 38:34

What though?

SPEAKER_01 38:34

They're definitely not they're definitely not like the worms. Nope. Yeah, what uh oof. Where to even begin? The the massive gorilla arms and elephant mouth trunk is made out of one way to begin.

SPEAKER_02 38:51

Flesh, I think. Oh, this yeah. Cause like there's a it it like the the the weird trunk thing, it goes up to like a mouth. It looks like they uh And not like an elephant, like because like an elephant trunk, it'll go up and it's like, oh yeah, the mouth is underneath. Like kind of like the trunk opens up to the mouth.

SPEAKER_01 39:12

Their lips are what make the trunk. Yeah. It's just it's just a giant dick with eyes and mouth. I don't know. It looks like the face vaguely looks like like a baboon almost. I was gonna say Yeah, kinda.

SPEAKER_02 39:26

It kind of does look like baboon-ish, because it looks like a skull plate almost.

SPEAKER_00 39:31

Yeah, I think it's not often you can say someone literally has a face like a baboon's ass, but they're just it's that.

SPEAKER_02 39:38

I didn't realize it. Like I thought it was just like empty sockets. There are tiny little eyeballs up there. There's there's little eyes in there. Did not realize that until just now, and I just Okay.

SPEAKER_01 39:49

Okay. So that's there's number two. I'm excited for what the future holds if this is the two we start with.

SPEAKER_02 39:56

Oh, we got 43 of these? Alright, we'll kinda we'll try to burn through these a little quicker then.

SPEAKER_00 40:02

There there are some where you'll just look and go and and just rattle it off. It'd be fine. Some of them are really good by this, but some of them are actually not that not that tricky. So the the Titans were among the most intelligent of the new human beasts, showing some degree of dexterity, and eventually the ability to carve wood. They stood at over forty meters tall and would make buildings to accommodate their large size. Absolute monsters. Large lads. They would be able to communicate after a while, language re would re-emerge, and they would begin to form myths and legends of their rudimentary memories of their past lives. However, before they could advance any further into what would have likely been the first sentient empire of post-humans, an ice age would completely wipe them out. Now that's crazy.

SPEAKER_02 40:49

I was literally about to say, oh, you know what? As far as this goes, that's not such a bad thing to get uh, you know, jenagged into, and then you just had to hit us with the ice age extinction thing.

SPEAKER_01 40:59

I was also gonna say I'd wager if they were allowed to be the most intelligent, that was because they knew that was going nowhere, because you know, like electronics are a very small, like, you know, I you need to be very careful with that and precise. And for a hundred twenty-foot-tall gorilla man is not going to be able to is capable of doing like just working with that stuff. Just physically.

SPEAKER_00 41:24

We'll let them have, we'll have them dexterity. It's not like they're gonna be around for long enough to make use of it. I mean, that is that feels 100% like something the Q would do. Next up, we have the Predators and Prey. So we've got a we've got we've got a two for one special on these guys. Um I mean, you can probably guess what their roles were based entirely off the names. So uh yeah, the the one on the left is the predator, and the one on the right is the prey. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 41:54

I mean, honestly, these are kind of one of those ones I think we can just blip past because it's just kind of anthropomorphic.

SPEAKER_01 42:00

Yeah, they made a they made a cheetah man, they made a uh like a gazelle man.

SPEAKER_00 42:06

Yeah, more or less. Pretty much. Uh they were on the first world conquered by the Q, and they would turn the star people here into two different things, predators and prey. The predators were the most effective carnivores that the Q have ever made, out of spite wild, uh while the prey were far less intelligent and far more fragile, herbivorous versions of their former selves. The planet lacked a reasonable balance ecologically, and the predators outweighed the prey with ease. Sick. Just what a horrible lot. Now, you know some would argue we we may not need necessarily the picture for this one, but we're gonna have anyway, because I love the name. Because next up we have the mantelopes.

SPEAKER_02 42:54

That's you know, again, it is what it says on the tin. That's a mantelope. That's a man antelope.

SPEAKER_00 43:01

Yeah. Mm-hmm. Oh, I love the mantelopes. So of all the things created by the Q, the Mantelopes may be the most heartbreaking. Designed to be the memory retainers of the star people by the Q, the Mantelopes would retain all their human minds and memories, but were unable to apply that intellect to anything more than singing. They were designed to be, oh God, physically unable to adapt to anything outside of their current form, and were essentially trapped in a culture of grief. Lovely. It's just How polite. It's so gross. When the Q left, they basically had no purpose, and as time went on, the Mantelopes would who would focus less on memories and more on basic survival would continue to survive. Uh, the more brutish and animalistic mantelopes would actually keep going, while their memories of humanity would fade into nothingness. There's nothing more than beasts and unable to adjust. Out they would then go extinct. Wow. You were assholes. Yeah. Yeah, I would agree. Then we have the swimmers, which again, pretty nose.

SPEAKER_02 44:17

Anthropomorphic uh yeah, yeah, shark guy. Dolphin shark. Dolphin dolphin shark whale thing, yeah. Yep, yep, yep.

SPEAKER_01 44:24

They really like making a silly goofy grin. Like joints stick out. Like the mantelope's kneecaps look are go out like a foot from the knee. There's there's a tr there's trends here, and that's I don't like that what that specific trend. Well, I mean, I don't like any of this, but that one is sticking out to me.

SPEAKER_02 44:45

Specifically don't like that. It's all bad, but that is a thing. I hate how Shark Boy has like defined like what might be legs that come out with two fins.

SPEAKER_00 44:58

Yeah, which is weird. It's a wild way to do that when you consider that I'm I'm I'm I'm pretty sure I'm not talking complete bollocks here, but like whales and dolphins and you know the sea seafaring mammals, their rear like fin, their tail. Isn't that like X-rayed and stuff and skeleton-wise? Can't you like sort of see the fact that it used to be two limbs and then became one? Yeah. And then the Q for this slot are like, now fuck it, flipper on the end of both legs. One each. Like what a choice. So the swimmers range from something as small as an eel to a beyomaff the size of a whale. The queue would turn their world into an entire ocean biome. The species would begin to fight for survival, but it was the ones that were closest in design to their human ancestors that kept going in some form, speaking in a language that suggested sapience, but lacked it ultimately. Now, the next lot are weird even by the useful standard. They are the lizard herders. And they sort of yeah.

SPEAKER_01 46:03

I mean, this isn't too far removed from like three million like real life, like, you know, two million years ago early man. Yeah. I mean it looks it looks humanoid and it's next to a lizard that I am assuming it herded. I unless I'm missing something and the lizard and the man are the same being. Or the lizard is the being.

SPEAKER_00 46:24

You're actually not. This is uh this is one of the sort of quote unquote lucky ones, because instead of distorting them entirely, the Q took the star people of this world and only erased their sentience and stunted the development of their minds. They remained the top of the food chain on this planet, and they had no need to evolve further, reverting to a herding lifestyle where they herded reptiles that were brought to the planet initially by the star people. So they were just sort of made stupid and left to it. That's it. Yeah, lucky.

SPEAKER_02 46:54

I I wonder why, like it did they well, I guess it doesn't. I was gonna ask a bunch of questions about why are these the ones that they picked to sort of go easy on, but I guess it doesn't fucking matter.

SPEAKER_01 47:04

It sounds like it's just like on a whim, like maybe you just maybe you get to just, you know, we'd we remove your brain power by like three million years, or maybe you get to be the mantelope. Yeah. How spiteful are we right now? Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 47:19

I just roll with an actual t-shirt, but I would love a maybe you get to be the mantelope uh slogan on something. I don't know what you would put it on, but you know.

SPEAKER_01 47:33

Um mantelope plushie win? Perhaps my Microsoft paint talents can once more.

SPEAKER_02 47:43

Oh Shy said the particular Q in charge of this planet was in a lazy mood. He was kind of, eh, make him caveman. Who cares?

SPEAKER_00 47:49

Yeah. I've had a busy day of making of human air purifiers. Let's just do something simple with this.

SPEAKER_01 47:57

This this is the thousandth one today. I'm I'm clacking out for once.

SPEAKER_00 48:03

I've been working on this for two million years. Let's just have a quick simple one. Um we next up have the temptors, which I don't even know where to start on the tempters. Uh woof.

SPEAKER_01 48:20

Okay. So I my initial impression was almost kind of rabbit, but that was solely because like from the silhouette you've got the ear at the top, and then the and then I looked slightly more. No, no, that is if no. This is much closer to like a mole almost, but the mouth on top looks like some abomination I'd see in spore.

SPEAKER_02 48:41

Yeah, it's like some weird mole that's half into the ground. Its tail looks like it also is open, waiting to grab that other thing. And it's got like a it's like it's got like a beak that you'd almost find on like a bird. And just a weird little ear flap. It's very fleshy, very awkward.

SPEAKER_01 49:01

I'm I'm gonna be honest, I'm saying the tail is probably a butthole again.

SPEAKER_02 49:05

I mean, it leads right-I mean, it's a tail with an open hole in it, so it's either, you know, it's either I'm either gonna make a DBZ reference and say that's cell and it's gonna absorb stuff that way, or yeah, it's a butt.

SPEAKER_01 49:18

This is this is this is the ultimate life form right here. Mm-hmm. The eye is also really messing with me.

SPEAKER_00 49:27

It's very it's upsettingly detailed for some reason. It's even got a little bit of a like a sad glint to it. It's just there's no need for that.

SPEAKER_02 49:35

I also love the worried look on the other being's face as it's looking down at what we're presuming is a tail bud. It's like, oh no, a tail bud in my ground on my path. Oh no.

SPEAKER_00 49:48

Don't blame it, honestly. Going into the completely understand.

unknown 49:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 49:53

So this was a subset of star people that the Q made specifically to be nothing more than decorations. It's not clear how they survived. I know. But uh they the tempters are extremely sexually dimorphic, the larger one being the female, while the male is the much, much smaller one. The females would pick mates based off of how subver subservient and dumb the males were, as they were able to control them with pheromones, since they could not leave the ground themselves. In the event of a female being born, the male would carry the newborn away and bury it so that it could exist freely on its own. Eventually, this planet would be struck by a meteor, wiping out all life. Of course it would.

SPEAKER_02 50:35

Of course it would. Yep. You know, I'm I'm actually kind of surprised that like uh so many of these planets end up getting like, oh yeah, Ice Age hit and meteor hit, because obviously the Q have planned this. Um you'd think the Q would be like, oh no, you're gonna be here forever. We're gonna make sure, we're gonna, we're gonna retrofit the galaxy in such a way that your planet is gonna thrive forever.

SPEAKER_03 51:00

It's big.

SPEAKER_00 51:03

I I feel I feel like they care enough to do the punishment, but they don't care enough about what they've turned them into to bother anything else.

SPEAKER_01 51:13

After that, it's like if a big rock hits your planet, we don't care. Yeah. Also good. That is that is that is wonderful news. Shy, I'm glad it's not a butthole. It's just a tail pussy. Love it. Love it.

SPEAKER_00 51:26

No, maybe that maybe that's the thing that should be a public teacher.

SPEAKER_01 51:28

Never never never never never thought that word would leave my mouth. That's that's new. That's a new one.

SPEAKER_02 51:34

You know, I I don't I don't think we should put that on a shirt carry on. Uh, you know, we don't think just block white letters.

SPEAKER_00 51:40

Good news, it's not a butthole, it's a tail pussy.

SPEAKER_02 51:42

No, no. So you you make it a sticker that's just big enough that you can put on your gas tank of your car. And it's in Mike, and it's in comic sans tail.

SPEAKER_01 51:54

Yes!

SPEAKER_02 51:55

For cooking. Multi-billion dollar. The tail pussy sticker.

SPEAKER_00 52:03

What was your most popular merch ising when you're not gonna believe this, but listen, Grandma, I'd love to tell you, but I don't think I can.

SPEAKER_01 52:11

Nothing I'm saying in polite company.

SPEAKER_00 52:16

Now you'd be happy to hear that the next lot aren't quite as uh horrific as that because we have the bone crushers up next. Alright.

SPEAKER_01 52:25

I mean it so you know it looks like how some birds have like beaks specifically designed to crush seeds. It looks like they gave him gave him, you know, that and otherwise just reverted him back to monkey.

SPEAKER_02 52:39

Well, and it's literally coming out of his mouth. Like his his yeah. So other than that, you Oh yeah, oh yeah, that is that oh god. Caveman, but like this big like rock crushing beak is literally just protruding out of his mouth, like mouth agape and beak.

SPEAKER_01 52:55

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 52:57

Yeah. Did you ever see that episode of Doctor Who where the gas masks was coming out of people's faces? I don't know why. It just made me think of that. Have not seen it. I haven't watched Doctor Who since uh ooh 1968. Didn't watch those, man. So the uh this lot were originally a pet species of the Q, and they evolved into something more monstrous in appearance. Though despite their looks and the fact that they showed affection by defecating on one another Why? Um they were they were one of the first new human species to create civilization. It didn't get far, however. They managed to reach a sort of medieval period on their homeworld, but they had a tragic flaw, which is that they could only eat dead animals living up to their name bone crushers. They would eventually go extinct. Yeah. Why was I designed to shit on my little ones?

SPEAKER_02 53:56

Well, I mean that's a fair question if you're one of these fuckers.

SPEAKER_00 54:04

Oh, that's really got me. Oh no. I mean I should just not look at the chat for a minute. Okay, next we've got the colonials. I can't remember what these guys look like myself. Oh they're just bricks with eyes and weird mouths.

SPEAKER_01 54:18

Oh hey, I know sometimes Bricky was making an appearance.

SPEAKER_02 54:22

Oh yeah. Does look like one of his foogies, though.

SPEAKER_01 54:28

That's what I was thinking of.

SPEAKER_02 54:32

I hate how one of them is licking the other. Oh boy. Wait, is it licking or is it? No, they're not. Oh yeah, they're connected! Oh no.

SPEAKER_00 54:43

Way worse than I thought. Well, strapping, because uh this colony of star people actually stood their ground against the Q and repelled two invasions. Oh no, they got the special punishment for that. Yep. Eventually the Q would defeat the colony, and they felt that eradication was too merciful. The colonials were only a centimetre in height, and they were used by the Q as waste filtration units while forcing them to retain their sapience. Right. There we go. Sure, sure.

SPEAKER_02 55:18

Also, how exactly do you repel the Q? Like they repel two invasions from them?

SPEAKER_01 55:25

That's pretty Yes, nice, solid work off them. That's hey, unfortunately for the Q the third time was the charm, but this this one in particular, this one absolutely just sits there going.

SPEAKER_00 55:43

It's true, yeah. Some of them did have star exploding weapons by this point. Yeah. Yes, it also wasn't enough.

SPEAKER_02 55:51

Well I was I was I was gonna say, like, I I knew the star people were like super crazy cracked advanced, but the Q just seem like they are on such a crazy level that like you know, I I would be willing to bet that the reason they could they stopped fending them off was because at a certain point, like in your area you run out of star.

SPEAKER_01 56:12

Like you can't you can't really blow up a star more than once, you know. Once it's gone, it you blew it up.

SPEAKER_00 56:18

Yeah, they ran out of ammunition. Yeah. Well, when this lot were abandoned by the queue, they would eventually repopulate to the point where the surface was covered in human flesh. And an eternity later, they would grow a sense of hope, diversifying and creating specialty colonies that were beneficial to one another.

SPEAKER_02 56:37

What how uh I don't know if I you know what? I'm not even Yeah, let's let's just let's move on. They just build different, all right.

SPEAKER_01 56:46

I um I actually don't want to know the logic. Horrendously.

SPEAKER_00 56:49

Yeah, build horrendously. I don't want to know the logistics. For a hard left swerve, we've got the flyers up next. Hmm. And yeah, that's okay.

SPEAKER_02 57:01

Yeah, it is yeah, it's like an anthropomorphic pterodactyl.

SPEAKER_01 57:05

Yeah, you know, again, it's back back to fairly simple. I know I understand what I'm looking at. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I don't like it, but I understand it. No. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 57:15

These were the most successful flying new humans created by the Q, thanks in part to a star-shaped heart that funneled oxygen from their lungs to their bloodstream in an efficient manner. This would also lead to the development of a larger brain that wouldn't stunt their flying ability, which we will talk about much later. Uh next up we've got the hand flappers, which what a name. What an incredible name. I mean Whoa.

SPEAKER_02 57:44

Um yeah, that's uh the terrifying. Um Woof. Uh so yeah, it's it's its dick and balls are out. Um, but like the look on its face is horrifying.

SPEAKER_01 58:00

Like it's uh so you've heard of you've heard of Batman. I present. I was gonna say, yeah. Yeah, it's a it's a human it's a humanoid bat with its dick and balls out. Yeah, it's dick and balls.

SPEAKER_02 58:18

Well, yeah, you know, what it is. I honestly the most unsettling thing is like it's got the craziest look on its face.

SPEAKER_01 58:27

This this is like the I yeah, the f the face, the face, like it looks as shocked to see me as I am to see it.

SPEAKER_02 58:35

That is the perfect way to describe it. It's looking at me the way I'm looking at it.

SPEAKER_01 58:41

Also, I get I guess you know, if you've ever like been to a gym locker room and there's a person above 60, that I guess that's really not abnormal what's going on down there. Oh god.

SPEAKER_00 58:53

Uh don't take your word for that. Worst part of that. Now, funnily enough, uh the hand flappers are an example of a flying new human that was unable to continue living. Their metabolisms weren't modified, so in order in order to further development, they'd have to give up the ability to fly. Uh, they developed into something that was able to signal to potential mates, but they did not have the ability to hold tools, preventing the development of civilization and eventually ending in extinction. And they are followed almost sort of in theme with the blind folk which is almost a normal name, but not a normal thing.

SPEAKER_02 59:34

Looks like big humanoid rats with no eyes. And it spec penises out. Really long arms too. Long arms, long whiskers, big ears too. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 59:50

The anthropomorphic rat. Pretty much. Uh they this lot, the star people on this world, they hid deep underground when the Q arrived in the galaxy in hopes that hiding would prevent them from being attacked. This did not work, and the Q turned them into creatures that could only exist underground. They turned the entire planet into an underground ecosystem full of predators while the blind folk were forced to navigate these tunnels with their screams and with the tactile nature of their long fingers and whiskers. They would be wiped out as the continental plates of the planet shifted over time. Poor lads. Extinct. Man.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:26

That sucks. But uh yeah. Boss baby scaven reference. Alright, I got it out.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:35

Well done. Well done. Um also it seems like very few of these get to just I mean, not that you would want to thrive, but it seems like most of these are ending in like extinction, other than like a couple of them. Like, yep. We we had our fun with you and now, you know.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:49

I mean, they're gone now. I'm sure they'll be back in another billion, whatever years, but like with the scale they're operating on, given they turned everyone into that. It's not like you need to worry about an uprisal, especially because by the time they get back, it's like I'm sure they won't be any more advanced than the star people, and they won that first conflict.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:08

Oh, for sure.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:09

Yeah. Yeah. It was 40 million years of superhell punishment, not like let's let's carefully make sure these can sustain and survive. It's nah.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:19

We're we're we're letting the we're letting the madmen get creative with you fuckers.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:25

I cannot wait to hear the description for the lopsiders. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:34

Lop cider is a good word. That's a very good word.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:36

Yeah, that is uh that's a solid word.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:39

Um well go ahead. Go ahead, Pangreas. Okay. All right. So my first thing is it has like so we have a relatively human-like torso, only the torso. Uh, but you know, that like so far so understandable. Uh three hands, not you know, in the you know, for for for you know, for those listening, not in the sense of, oh, he's got like three arms. No, three out of four legs and arms have been replaced with just big hand that are attached to this bulbous kind of patty. Directly to the torso. And then we have one like longer hand and arm that's like normal-ish looking. Like, you know, the hand looks again, it's like looks like a witch from Left 4 Dead, their mutated claw hand. But you know, given the standard of the rest of what I'm looking at, that's pretty that's pretty normal. And he appears to be eating like big tardigrades.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:37

Yep. And its head is um oh boy. It's got a very bulbous head and and and nothing is on right.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:46

No. I the eye there is an eye under the nose, there's an eye behind the nose. There's sort of an iron. I'm craning my head sideways right now to try and do this. Yeah. And also, you ever like stretch like, you know, like it looks like someone stretched their face back. Like if you pull your face back and just like stretch it back with your hands. It's like that, but that's just how they look.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:12

It's weird because if you if you like cover up like the top eye, it almost looks like a fish. Kinda, yeah. It's kind of got like a it's like if you like m merged a human and a fish's head together.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:27

Which is just awful.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:28

Yeah, it's uh I for some reason I also went straight to uh squished frog, like shy, but it's Oh yeah, it kinda is squished frog, isn't it?

SPEAKER_01 1:03:37

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And we made this human species by driving over them in a Honda Civic. Specific. Very specific.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:48

Well, this lot uh were forced onto a world with gravity that was 36 times heavier than the gravity of their homeworld and genetically modified so they could survive there. Now, thing is, this lot would begin to evolve further in this high gravity, so we'll cut back to them to learn more later. But the lopsiders still in it, still in it to win it. Now we've got the striders. Oh.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:15

These aren't so bad. Just, you know, long, long man. It's like, you know, giraffe person kind of. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:24

You're right, it's a giraffe person. I don't know why I didn't immediately go to that. Yeah, it's a giraffe person.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:28

No, I I do well more person than giraffe, uh, for those who not seeing the image. It's uh like it's not like you know, giraffe or it's you know the horse structure. It's like you know, it's it's the same shape as a human. Long neck. Just long very long neck and face. Also a little like lizard like head flap. Mohawk. Again, at a certain point, I'm that it's just they're taking artistic liberties with evolution in the name of you know, eat shit mankind. Yeah. In the name of justice, I think you'll find out. I pardon me, didn't mean to besmirch the good name of the Q who who made the mantelope.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:10

Hey, don't you talk ill of the mantelope? I've only lost this episode. And if anything happens to the mantelope.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:17

I would praise God. You leave my mantelopes alone.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:23

Um You leave my mantelope out of this. Well, this was a moon colony of star people, and the atmosphere of the moon was one-fifth sorry, the gravity of the moon was one-fifth the gravity of Earth, and the striders were made to live on this planet. Their height was due to this low gravity, but they were not alone. Two million years after the Q left, the poultry that the star people had brought here evolved into predatory terror birds that eradicated all the striders. Jesus fuck you there from from the Q and just the universe at large. Not even specifically the Q. The star people brought the chickens and the chickens then went. That is that is poetic in a horrible way. So next up we've got the parasites and uh oh lord. I mean why is it that's a frog guy.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:26

Yeah, but it's a weird picture because like it looks like this thing is tattooed on someone's skin.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:34

It does kind of look like that. Um big mouth, very big mouth with like the their teeth look like in a cartoon, like when Tom gets hit with a brick and his teeth all fall out, except for the side. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Kind of like that. The the nose is really throwing me, both because it it's above the mouth.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:58

Yeah, and it's it's like a it's like a pig snout.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:01

It like Yeah. My my dog doesn't like it either. She's whining at it. My d Athena is also deeply displeased with the frog man. I don't believe it.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:10

That's fair. Its mouth almost looks like um oh shoot. Anyone that's had a fish tank, you know those uh those um things, those bottom dwellers that feed on the algae and they like stick to the glass? What are those called? Oh, yeah. I can't remember their name, but that's what its mouth looks like.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:28

Yeah. Yeah, there's definitely a bit of that going on.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:31

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:32

So they were in species of new human that was forced to survive parasitically off the bodies of early hominid-like apes that were created specifically for their planet. They could control these hosts to some extent, and there were many different subspecies of parasite on this world, and very few survived when the various hosts would learn how to kill other parasites by doing things like burning them or just flat out eating them.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:56

Lovely. How nice, how kind.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:01

You don't see those videos, like the one guy, like it's it's after every one of these, it's ringing my head, very beautiful, very powerful. He just grabs a fish and says that.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:15

Uh except none of these are beautiful. No. The uh the next law, oh, the finger fishes. Oh shit.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:26

Well, it's not as bad as I thought it was.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:30

The the horse why the long face? Thank you, thank you. Um I So you you say you say, you know, the finger fishers, and I can venture a guess as to why they have the very long middle finger with the claw on the end. It looks like a scorpion tail. It really does. Yeah, it does.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:54

It looks like a scorpion stinger. Also, weirdly, this is like the only picture that won't pop out and enlarge for me into like a separate browser tab. You're being saved.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:04

Yeah, I guess so. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:09

But other like uh it when when when you called them like the what what are they called again? The fingerfishes. Yeah, I was expecting a lot worse than this. This isn't that bad compared to the stuff we've seen.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:21

The shiny middle finger is a hidden mess. Yes, a very subtle, well-hidden message. They also, man, they they did my man dirty in the package department.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:32

Well, it's like the person on the cover. They they do you know they gave that guy a hog.

unknown 1:09:41

Alright.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:42

So true. You're right. What was I thinking?

SPEAKER_00 1:09:46

Originally this lot were of a large water planet covered in islands connected by shallow seas, and the finger fishes were a hunter-gatherer people who developed biology to catch the fish the fish that were abundant on this world. And that's pretty much it. Then we've got the hedonists, which I mean, just the name alone, but it doesn't prepare you for what the f hell that is. Woof.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:11

Um I don't know, it's kind of just mutated lady with bird feet and long face. I guess she kinda got I guess she kinda got bird talons on her hands too. Funny, funny looking butt.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:24

It looks like a separate head.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:26

It it it looks like the head of a whale. Also, whether that's I see I DK, maybe maybe I blame you for this. You mentioned cell before, but like the the little there's a little like crack almost it looks like. And I'm picturing on the the head butt that like that might be like a mouth. Does anyone vaguely see like the little line like kind of going across it?

SPEAKER_02 1:10:49

Oh yeah, kinda. It wouldn't surprise me if that they made it have a sentient butt.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:54

Yeah, because I that looks like a little that could be just like a splotch of dirt. Maybe that's an eye.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:00

I don't I don't like that bit. Uh that for some reason the rest of it is like, yeah, okay, it's a bit weird, but whatever. But that that like the arse mutation is just not it's just not great. It's just not doing it. No.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:13

No, no, it's it's not.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:15

You're a sentient filtration system for this thing.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:18

Oh no.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:20

Oh God.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:21

I mean, statistically speaking, I'm sure at least one of these creatures has a sapient gut. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:29

I mean they're turned sapient everything else, surely. These star people were kept as pets by the Q and were the only animals on a planet lush with bountiful fruits and more. They had no competition to deal with, which would normally mean overpopulation, but the Q designed the hedonists so they could only become pregnant after mating with an enormous number of potential suitors continually over decades. They were less adaptable, and natural selection would progress at a glacial pace, leaving these new humans aloof and carefree. You've got to be some element of carefree to deal with the arse whale, so probably just goes. Yeah. What's that on your ass? It's a whale. Oh standard. Um as one does. We now have the insectophagi, which uh not terrible.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:24

All things considered, it's the the head's kind of looking like squidwards. The like dinosaur the uh the bone like mouth is definitely weird, but all things considered, that isn't horrible.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:42

No. Yeah, that's not that's not too bad. Um got kind of an elongated like uh tongue. But yeah. Otherwise are relatively humanoid, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:54

Tongue elongated, the the arms definitely look like they've been stretched out as well as have the like the feet. Yeah, but reminds me of a serpent tongue. By the standards of what we're looking at, this this isn't the worst. This isn't horrible.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:07

Yeah, agreed. Yeah. No, you get a pass on this one, the Q, sort of. Even though it's not clear what purpose that the insectophagi served in the eyes of the Q. They were a strange new human species designed to live strictly an insect-based diet with no other concerns besides seeking out their next meal and mating. Oh, of course, so it's kind of an anteater tongue, more or less. Yeah, just just going around eating insects and uh getting their end away. That's pretty much it. Hence the name. Or the worst life of all the ones that the Q have made. Oh, yeah, you're not a sentient brick filtration system. Now we also have the ruin haunters, and yeah, that one actually Squidward.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:55

I I take it back for the last one. I was gonna say it looks like kind of like a grumpy Sesame Street character. It does. And I like I I don't know if this one's gonna be okay, or based on Ruin Haunters, we have the Mantelope again, where it's you have the memories of everything and you'll never get it back, asshole.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:19

Well, let's find out. Hey Kiriov! It's true, at least they're the only ones with they're the only ones who've been wearing clothes too. Yeah, hey, that's that's a positive. Yeah, their dick's not out. That's yeah, big step. Of all the new humans created by the Q, they were the ones where the least amount of effort was taken in modification. Though reducing their intelligence to nothing more than apes, the Q didn't do much to prevent the ruin haunters from eventually achieving sapience. Left to their own devices, they were one of the first new humans to achieve this sapience, and their intelligence as well as their society would begin to advance rapidly. This was thanks in part to their unrestricted access to the ruins of the star people on their planet. Their progression would be unnaturally fast, and it would do damage to their societal development. They would replicate the technology of the Star People without fully understanding how or why, and the Society of Ruin Haunters would face five consecutive world wars, two of which involve nuclear exchanges.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:18

I mean, so it wasn't so bad being them, but they just eventually evolved into doing what they did. Into people. They're just people. Yeah. They're just people, they're just us. They successfully caught back up.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:32

Yeah. Just like me. Well done, ruin hunters. Now we take it. Sorry, go on. I me at three in the morning going to tri fridge for shredded cheese.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:48

I thought you were gonna say take the bins out after the last time we had the Oh yeah. Hey, we've all been there where we forgot to take the trash bins out.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:57

No, I I am I am looking I am looking at them. I do gotta bring them in, but okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:05

Now we're on another hard swerve here into the spaces, which are wild. Whoa.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:13

Yeah, those those are a little weird. They're a little weird. It kind of remind me of like um they it they kind of look like s I don't know, I don't know if I want to say spider arms and spider legs or something. But they got these really long arms and legs, really thin fang claws, and small little body that looks like it has a radioactive symbol on the front, but that's not what it is. Um and they got the heihachi haircut. Oh, yeah. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:41

Those those alien heads like actual pouches around their hip. Like that they those are claws. Yes. This this this is a potentially good sign.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:51

Yeah. Well, there's there's reasons for this. Uh it's because this lot of new humans was something that the Q didn't create because not all of the star people were wiped out. As World's first builders took refuge in the deep void of hollowed out asteroids that were converted into generational ships. Though these ships were able to retain enough resources to assure survival, they lacked two basic things, proper lighting and gravity. These star people would adapt themselves with genetic engineering so they could sustain in zero G, and the spacers were born.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:25

Oh, well, so they're just, you know, star people that are still sort of thriving.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:32

And they're still they're still going. And fun fact, they move around in zero gravity by pressing jets of air through their specialized anuses. Hell yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:47

Oh man, that's wild. So they they this they travel around by farting everywhere. Alright. Yep.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:58

We've lost Pancreas on that one. That was that was the one. I'm trying fine.

SPEAKER_01 1:18:02

I'm trying to decide if this is the author's barely disguised fetish or not. I think we saw that with the tailusie earlier, to be honest. That was the other one that I'm wondering.

SPEAKER_02 1:18:16

Tailassy, we successfully got Kiri out to say tailusy unironically.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:21

I felt this broke like a twinge of shame immediately afterwards. All of these different facets of humanity would inevitably reach an evolutionary point where they would begin to meet. These post-humans would be different from the humans that came beforehand, as many would not be able to leave the surface of their worlds and would die out before ever being found. But they would eventually form the second empire of man. So here are some of the uh now post-human species that would join this new order. So first up, we've got the snake people, the sequel to the worms. Oh.

SPEAKER_02 1:19:00

Yep. That is that is it is a it's a snake person. It's even wearing clothes around its snake body, which ends in a hand of I'm assuming that's a hookah hookah that it's that it's puffing.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:16

Yeah, I was gonna say else I don't know if that's like a if that's a flute or a dildo. Uh but hey, he's you know, he's advanced enough to enjoy a nice little smoke break. That's that's a positive. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:19:28

Yep, yep, yep. I was gonna say could it be faking a jumper in the smoke.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:32

It's good to know that even forty million years in the future, uh there there won't be smoke.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:44

As long as we'll still have access to smoke and dildos, apparently.

SPEAKER_02 1:19:49

We knocked it. And a solid read. Looks like he's reading a book on uh snake people as well, you know? The more things change, the more they state the snake. Hey, he he might be smoking, he's got his little dildo, he's got a little bit of snake porn over there, you know?

SPEAKER_01 1:20:04

All things considered, you know, I I could be a snake guy. Yeah. Yeah. I might as well be a snake boy. All three necessities booked, nicotine and dildo. He's clothed too. Yeah. Well, you know, if you're a snake guy, it it's you know. Yeah, it's a nice bonus, but uh, you know, I I don't need it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:20:28

As long as I got my smut and a pipe, I walk exactly. So yeah, the home Kiriatha's been broken this episode. The pages haven't been helping. They were everything everything's so horrible and weird and slightly funny at the same time. I'm losing my grip on reality.

SPEAKER_01 1:20:48

Damn, girl, what the snussy do.

SPEAKER_00 1:20:50

Oh no, the snussy. Right. The home world of the worms would eventually cool and uh and the worms would take to the surface. Some were grazers while others were aquatic. It was the ones that climbed the trees that figuratively and literally rose above the rest of them, and these tree-dwelling worms would become the snake people. They would follow all the benchmarks of societal development and would reach total globalization. The snake people were advanced philosophers who enjoyed writing, music, and smoking. Uh they would fear open spaces, spaces and their cities would be pipelike in shape. I mean, I think we got the idea that they liked uh writing and smoking. Yeah. It was just whether it was music or something else that was in question from the picture. The more boring option, it turns out. Um next up we have the killer folk.

SPEAKER_02 1:21:48

Oh you know, the cheetah people, the predators.

SPEAKER_01 1:21:52

Yeah, is it the it's the ultimate predators. I well, I think we I think they cancelled that show. I hope.

SPEAKER_02 1:22:06

But didn't didn't we say that that they were like the best uh hunters the Q ever made, right?

SPEAKER_00 1:22:11

Yeah, they were they they were literally the best they'd ever done. And then they gave them not enough prey. But you know, Q'll do whatever you want to do, apparently.

SPEAKER_02 1:22:20

But it's it's got a nice hat now.

SPEAKER_00 1:22:23

Made out of presumably skin. Oh, for sure, 100%. Yeah. On the planet of predators and prey, the predators would eventually overwhelm the prey and would begin to form their own culture. Originally structured as a hunt-oriented nobility, the killer folk would change when they would reach the point of industrial revolution. Nations would become devoted to factory farming and new technologies, while others would preserve their hunting status. These hunting urges would be turned into a religious order of nobility that allowed for natural animalistic hunts and duels to occur in specialized situations, basically Klingons. And they also developed flint lock repeaters and gas rifles. Hell yeah. Wow.

SPEAKER_02 1:23:05

This this was not the far future I expected when you first showed off the um these hunters. I was not expecting industrial revolution with guns.

SPEAKER_01 1:23:17

I mean, I was kinda I figured I had I had a feeling there was surely something after, only because like the way it seems to be structured is that someone is going around like cataloguing all of these things.

SPEAKER_03 1:23:29

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 1:23:31

You may well have uh uh alighted on something there. Um the guy's got the hands on nukes and it didn't work out that is also fair.

SPEAKER_01 1:23:42

It's up to a certain point you can develop all the weapons you want. You can't kill everyone. Once you get to the nuke stage, that is now open for discussion.

SPEAKER_00 1:23:53

Well, next up after the the uh the killer folk, we have the tool breeders, which is one of the weirder names even by the standards of this lot.

SPEAKER_02 1:24:02

What the full the fish people that we the um what the hell were they called? The uh the the fish folk that had the the the the the the two fin legs, it kind of just looks like them, but um with a maybe sewn shut mouth and not in the water.

SPEAKER_01 1:24:23

They've gone more dolphin. Also white white they're the those buildings look like lungs in the background.

SPEAKER_02 1:24:30

I mean they kind of do, don't they?

SPEAKER_01 1:24:32

One of them looks like a pancreas, I'm here for it. I've I before you said that I was like kind of pancreas, like, eh? I found my people. My home. My home. It's me. This is this hole was made for me. Oh god.

SPEAKER_02 1:24:48

Also, it looks like they're they've they've uh developed arms. Did they didn't have arms in the last picture, right?

SPEAKER_00 1:24:54

Well, well. The uh this is this is part of what's of what's making them survive. The aquatic swimmers that survived, as mentioned before, were the ones that were most human. They lacked the ability to create fire underwater, but they were able to develop a society thanks to symbiotic relationships with non-sapient swimmers. They would develop a society purely on the backs of genetic engineering, and much like their name suggests, the tool breeders would create life forms that would accomplish their needs, ranging from bioluminescence and living filters so that they can breathe out of the water to living starships and weapons. This lot rule.

SPEAKER_02 1:25:31

Alright. I mean, hey, anytime you got bioluminescence, I that is an aesthetic I am here for. This is so cool stuff. Yeah, pretty dope. This would not be a bad thing to be. Also, were they really just called swimmers before, and I couldn't remember that. Yes, they were. That's fucking wild, dude. I it is it has been a morning and a half. There's been a lot of information so far, to be fair.

SPEAKER_01 1:25:55

Most of it horrific.

SPEAKER_00 1:25:57

Yeah. Yeah. Speaking of which, uh, we've now got the Sorosapiens. Oh, come on, please tell me the pterodactyl people made it.

SPEAKER_01 1:26:07

Um, so you know the guy in Knights of the Old Republic in Terrace that's like a big lizard guy and then a smaller one growing out of his back? That's my first thought. Don't don't know the reference, unfortunately.

SPEAKER_00 1:26:24

I do I do vaguely know the reference, and I I think I'm there for it.

SPEAKER_01 1:26:28

I think I agree with that one. Yeah. I don't think they're connected, and this looks more like a duck man. Well, the the the dinosaur, the velociraptor on the duck man on the guy's back. I've got nothing for like Lord Humongous uh on the front. I it has clothes. This this is like this I'm hoping this isn't a sapien creature, otherwise the author's fetish is not dis is not disguised at all, and he's walking around with a ball gag in his mouth.

SPEAKER_02 1:26:57

You know that thing is sapien. You're you're telling me you think that thing is just like mindless. No. I said I'm hoping. Some hopes are forlorn, all right?

SPEAKER_00 1:27:06

Your hope is misplaced, good sir. I will say, I will say on this occasion, Pancreas, you're right, not sapient. So really Yeah, so remember we talked about the lizard herders earlier. Well, ironically, it wasn't the lizard herders that would gain sapiens, it was the lizards. Yep, that's crazy. This is like this post-human culture wasn't even related to the star people outside of ones being their pets. The dynamics would shift, and eventually it would be the Sorosapiens who herded the lizard herders and used them as pets and mounts. The Sorosapiens would discover the runes of the Star People, and through a misunderstanding of the meeting, they would believe themselves to be post human. These discoveries would cause a schism in Sorosapien society, and eventually a faction that prioritized knowledge and expansion would become the mainstay in their society. Society. So they they got intelligence. They found the ruins, went we used to be this lot. Oh, okay, that makes sense.

SPEAKER_01 1:28:09

Just random lizards were like, no, this is like us. That's wild. Silly.

SPEAKER_00 1:28:15

I love that one. I absolutely love it. It's it's it's it's one of the silly bits, but it is very, very fun. Um just an evolutionary 180. Yeah. Uh I'm just gonna I'm just gonna say it. We now have the modular people.

SPEAKER_02 1:28:32

Oh, I don't like that. No, I sure.

SPEAKER_01 1:28:38

All right, let's see. We've got we've got the onion hat head. Yep. Uh I'm just gonna work my way down because it's go ahead. Slightly less confusing from the dude, me when it's been a minute. Uh face question mark. They got one of them has one eye, one of them has five eyes, one of them looks like it has one mouth. This is all it's all like vaguely like shaped like a cone. Uh, but beyond that, uh, we got five tentacle hands, perhaps many more, but as you know, you go lower down, that might be junk. Can't tell. They've got suction cup feet. This looks like it's layered like plate armor, but it's not because that's just flesh. Yeah. Yeah. Uh there's a lot of questions. I can't tell if that one has four mouths or five mouths, actually, or if those are completely unrelated holes. Me when again. Um I it's also holding what I'm since you said the modular people. I'm assuming that's an organ it can slide in and out, because I again I'm assuming these two beings are related, but they look nothing alike beyond like vague shapes.

SPEAKER_00 1:29:55

Yep. Yeah, I mean you you're you're pretty much pretty much dating it. So the the flesh continents of the colonials resulted in the creation of many different beneficial cells that would help the rest of them. However, much like everything else, these cells would become hostile toward one another, evolving into cells dedicated to weaponry and ones dedicated to shielding. The ones who would survive would become known as the modular people. Each individual in the species is made up of many different colonials that have a hyper-specialised purpose that could collapse and rebuild themselves into new modular people tied together only through cultural unity. Alright. I mean, I think that's the best outcome we could hope for force.

SPEAKER_01 1:30:36

Yeah, yeah, that's that's that's this is the golden timeline.

SPEAKER_02 1:30:40

Yeah, for uh for sentient waste filtration, it evolutionary, it doesn't get a whole lot better than this. Like this is your best outcome.

SPEAKER_01 1:30:48

The glow-up is unreal. Yeah. With the acceptance that this is uh what happened, all things considered, this is the best ending. Yes. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:30:58

This was your best possible outcome. You rolled a Nat 20.

SPEAKER_00 1:31:02

A hundred percent. Now you asked about the you you asked about the pterodactyls earlier, and you wanted them to survive. I've got good news for you. Yes. The Terra Sapiens. Let's go around.

SPEAKER_01 1:31:15

Yeah. Oh, he's got some fancy tattoos.

SPEAKER_02 1:31:17

Hey, he's got fancy tattoos. Look at those. Look at that ink. Hey, hey. Got a nice little scholar hat, got tattoos on his wings and his chest.

SPEAKER_01 1:31:30

That's not bad. Yeah. Hey, cool. Yeah, the hat is incredible. I love that. Good for him. Good for good for good for the good for you, little fella.

SPEAKER_04 1:31:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:31:43

Well, the pterosapiens, formerly uh the pterodactyl lot, whose names I've immediately forgotten. What are they called? They had a spit a specific name, but I've immediately forgotten it. Flyers, that's it. I did it. I did it like that. You did the thing I did.

SPEAKER_02 1:31:57

It's not Collie G, what are the fish? They're swimmers. Collie G, what are the pterodactyls? Flyers. We're in the same boat.

SPEAKER_00 1:32:05

There's just so much information. Okay, so yeah. The the the flyers become the pteresapiens, which is an exceptionally productive aerial culture that was highly cosmopolitan, that existed without any real social cliques or societal borders. Conflict in their eyes was not worth the time. Unfortunately, the time was shorter for them than others. Their development into a society was helped and harmed by their unique hearts. They were exceptionally vulnerable to heart disease, and the average lifespan was the age of twenty-three. Despite this, their society was able to flourish and reach the stars. Really? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:32:45

Good for them. With a twenty-three year lifespan, they they managed to evolve long enough to reach the stars, huh? Look, when you haven't got much time, you make the most of it.

SPEAKER_01 1:32:55

That does also make generations go quicker, so evolution would be faster. Way more prosperous than the Flyers from Philadelphia. That's well, you know.

SPEAKER_02 1:33:09

At least they made the playoffs this year. Yeah, well, yeah, song.

SPEAKER_03 1:33:13

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 1:33:15

Now uh I'm just gonna give you the name. The asymmetric people. I have ideas.

SPEAKER_01 1:33:22

You thought they they were they were they were incorrect. Oh boy. Uh this so my guess is this is the is the the runover toad people. Yeah, this has to be the evolutionary chain. Yeah. There's still the big hand, uh, then the longer one. Now I don't know what happened in the in the lower half or for the face. Something something went off the rails from what we were at for those. But I I see the through line.

SPEAKER_02 1:33:50

At at least they're upright.

SPEAKER_01 1:33:52

They are upright now. That's something.

SPEAKER_02 1:33:54

Can considering their planet was like what 38 times gravity, they did they went through their uh Vegeta training arc. Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_00 1:34:03

I can't, I can't get I just as soon as Shybain, I don't even know what the fuck. I immediately had to mute for a second. Perfect, perfect summary, honestly. Um they went from frogs to centipedes, yeah. They got balloons. They do. So the uh the story of the asymmetric people mirrors that of the Earth humans and the Martians. Much like then, the lopsiders were split into two separate peoples. The ones that remained on their homeworld would be lopsiders, and the ones who reached the stars and expanded would be known as the asymmetric people, as they were bio-engineered to live off of their homeworld. Tensions would rise between these two branches of the lopsiders, and they would face civil war. The asymmetric people would exterminate the lopsiders, and before long they'd find star people ruins that would greatly advance their abilities. The more they the more these days. Must be a bitch to shake hands with one of these things. No one survives a backhand from an asymmetric person. No, you would slow like the fallout bloody mess to shreds. Now we have a familiar phrase here in the form of the symbiotes. Oh love me, some Spider-Man.

unknown 1:35:20

Huh.

SPEAKER_01 1:35:21

They don't look terrible, actually. They this is kind of cool. I see my what I'm hanging on, though, is that I can't help but notice what looks like two different eyes, and it looks like it's holding the top of that thing's head.

SPEAKER_02 1:35:34

It is called the symbiote. Yeah. So I am assuming there is a symbiotic relationship going on between uh the face and whatever's on the face.

SPEAKER_00 1:35:45

You you are 100% correct. Uh this these were the parasites, and the post-human form is of course the symbiotes. These parasitic species would offer intelligence and senses to their hosts in exchange for blood, and society would rapidly develop from there. Each parasite was different and would offer different things, be it longer legs, stronger bodies, or other evolutionary advantages. Eventually this would turn into offerings of intelligence. These symbiote host civilizations would develop nations, fight in wars, and would globalize. In fact, they would develop technology that would make the usage of hosts unnecessary, but they would still keep them around out of tradition. Oh wow. Just for fun.

SPEAKER_02 1:36:27

Why?

SPEAKER_01 1:36:28

Just because, you know, that that's their that's the way they accessorize. Well, you don't want to be lonely too. I gotta imagine that, you know, you have a friend for life.

SPEAKER_02 1:36:36

Yeah. Look at look at my handsome human that I'm attached to. Aren't I special? Look at my fancy necklace. Yes, yes, isn't she pretty? Very vapid, the symbiote, it turns out.

SPEAKER_01 1:36:48

Very well, they're keeping the host around just because it's tradition, I guess. It's true. It's true. I mean the other option is, you know, extermination is what seems to be the running theme, so all things considered.

SPEAKER_00 1:37:02

Yeah, maybe tradition is a bit nicer. Um we also have the sale people, which Oh no.

SPEAKER_02 1:37:12

Hello. Well, that's not awful, awful.

SPEAKER_01 1:37:16

That's it's not great, but you know, it's weird. It is weird. I'm loving the like the hoplite helmet.

SPEAKER_02 1:37:23

Oh, yeah, yeah. It looks like the it looks like the flyers and the swimmers had a baby.

SPEAKER_00 1:37:29

Yeah. Yeah I honestly I I think you're gonna be surprised as to where these even came from. So these are what the dexterous finger fishers would become. So they would develop long skin on their arms that would reach to their fingers. They'd initially use these as flesh sails. What a dis I just hate that combination of two words. Uh so they could traverse the watery surface of their homeworld. Eventually, the rest of their bodies would evolve into other tools that would assist their navigation and the hunting of fish until they became almost living fishing boats. They would form tribes of nomads and obviously pirates that would constantly be at war. Of all the posthuman species, the sailpeople were likely some of the most violent. Eventually, they would reach a societal impasse where stability would outweigh the necessity of war, and their enlightenment would result in unification. Gets the great fleets of these p freaks just sailing around the sea.

SPEAKER_02 1:38:28

I'm just like bl I uh this was not what I was expecting for the fingerfishers. No. That that that was a hard left turn for them.

SPEAKER_00 1:38:36

Yeah. Yeah. Uh wild wild, wild shift in direction for them. Um the slightly less wild is the Satiriax. Really good name on the code.

SPEAKER_01 1:38:46

Oh good, oh good. It comes with the with the spoiler, the hidden Huh.

SPEAKER_02 1:38:51

I was expecting far worse than that.

SPEAKER_01 1:38:54

No, I was not ready for pterodactyl Michael Jackson.

SPEAKER_02 1:38:57

Yeah, it's uh Yeah, it's a it's just a dino, it's a blonde dino rock star. Pretty much.

SPEAKER_00 1:39:04

Pretty much. Um clearly they're doing all right. We uh the once pleasure laden hedonists were hedonists, hedonists, well I say last time, who cares? Were rocked by a cataclysm that produced enough ash to block out their star. The population of them would begin to decline, but thanks to mutants that were able to breed fast, the species maintained and became known as the satiriaks. They would split into myriad nations until eventually reuniting under one banner that valued life and wished to live it to the fullest. Their society was a valhalla of pleasure with weekly concerts and orgies.

SPEAKER_02 1:39:42

I mean, if if you're if you're evolving from the hedonists, I mean that seems like the natural progression of things. Rock on, freaky bro.

SPEAKER_00 1:39:56

Now, next up we have the bug faces. All right, hit me with it.

SPEAKER_01 1:40:02

Wow, yeah, yeah, that's apt. That is apt. He's got a little hat there too, though.

SPEAKER_02 1:40:08

The civilized, though, it is indeed a bug face. 100%. The rest is vaguely human, cool hat, cool clothes, you know?

SPEAKER_01 1:40:17

Look, I can imagine having a lovely conversation with this creature. I just don't want to look at it.

SPEAKER_02 1:40:24

Yeah, definitely a lot of looking down at like, uh, oh yeah, look at my uh pretty nice shoes. Um, don't make eye contact.

SPEAKER_01 1:40:31

Yeah. Everything but the face, too, looks like I mean, like little little thin, but like that's very human looking. It's just, again, uh bug face. Really hard to get over the bug face. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:40:43

Apt name. Well, this was from the insectophagi, so their evolutionary purpose was unknown at the time, but as they evolved, some of the genes of the star people would resurface in the form of new traits, like a larger brain and a capacity to adapt rapidly. They would evolve into the bug faces and would create incredible empires reliant on hive farming. At some point, though, the bug faces would be attacked by an unknown alien species. It's not clear what kind of attack it was outside of the fact that it was a one-off that was successfully stomped out by the bug faces. The scars of that conflict would litter the surface of their homeworld in the form of invasive flora and fauna, but it would also psychologically impact the bug faces, making them deeply xenophobic and fearful of anything beyond their own empire. The creation of the second galactic empire would be started by the soteriacs and the killer folk when they would make radial contact with one another. Over the course of 10 million years, the soteriacs and killer folk would be joined by the modular people, the pterosapiens, and asymmetrics. After twenty million years, the empire would expand to include the Sorosapiens, Snake People, Symbiotes, and Sailpeople, and finally, after 40 million years, the bug faces would join despite their concerns about other species. This empire would span the galaxy through a combined effort of all the members, despite the fact that the empire never really met one another. The second empire of man attempted to recruit the spacers, but they had no interest in joining a terrestrial organization. They wish to remain like yeah, leave me the fuck out of this, dude. We've been doing just fine.

SPEAKER_01 1:42:21

Do not be a one. That's fine. I don't want to look at them either. They can stay over there.

SPEAKER_00 1:42:28

Space is like, how did you find me? Lose my number. Um they wish to remain alone in the stars and they would evolve into something truly powerful as they did so. Now we've got the asteromorphs, which greatest name. What the hell are you?

SPEAKER_01 1:42:49

What am I looking at? What is this?

SPEAKER_02 1:42:53

Is that actually a third leg?

SPEAKER_01 1:42:55

Or is that I don't. I think you know the answer to that.

SPEAKER_02 1:42:58

Yeah, I probably do. Honestly, uh so I maybe it's just because you're here, pancreas.

SPEAKER_01 1:43:03

It looks like a villain from Dragon Ball. The Cell Junior glow down arc is what this is. Looks like some weird Bobity shit. Yeah. I what the f I so okay, I dongle round. Uh oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 1:43:29

Wait, no, read what she said, pancreas. What what's got you uh what's got you in such a tip?

SPEAKER_01 1:43:34

Wait, wait, they moved around by farting, so maybe it's a 40 million year old evolved prolapse. That's fucking wild, dude. It's a wild thing to say, shot. When your prolapse evolves, go to the doctor, get it, seek help. Seek help. Don't make it a part of your species. I this is wor I this is worse than when I thought that was just a weird dick.

SPEAKER_02 1:43:58

It's how they shake hands. That's how they greet their Joe shut out. Stop it.

SPEAKER_01 1:44:03

Yeah, dude, the bigger one enveloped crazy absolutely disgusting.

SPEAKER_00 1:44:17

So also yeah. Um this is this is what the spacers turn into uh because the minds of the spacers were free from the burden of gravity and would begin to think of concepts that were truly unfathomable to other post-humans. Their technological and philosophical advancement would shoot far and away ahead of the others, and they would form their own empire on the outskirts of society, watching the very slow development of their primitive cousins in silence.

SPEAKER_02 1:44:45

I I yeah. Also, it makes sense that they have like little baby bodies since they live in uh zero G.

SPEAKER_01 1:44:53

Are these the are these the fellas doing that cataloging then? We will we'll get there, don't worry.

SPEAKER_02 1:44:58

The uh that's that's that seems fair, Pancreas.

SPEAKER_00 1:45:01

That seems like a fair guess. It is a fair guess, but uh we'll get there. The Second Empire's encounter with the Asteromorphs scared them. They had no idea what they were encountering and were afraid of a Q scenario. However, they would politely decline, and the Second Empire would view the asteromorphs as unknowable. Millions of years later, the various human empires would live in relative calm, but with a semi-pervasive fear of the return of the Q. However, the biggest threat these posthumans would face was not external, it was internal. So we have here the gravitals.

SPEAKER_01 1:45:36

Oh that's not a people. I'm calling bullshit.

SPEAKER_02 1:45:40

Yeah, that's that's just a big metallic orb with a red eye in the middle of it. That's that's that that's the like Pangreas said, that's not people. Yeah, that's a it's a bowling ball. It's a big old bowling.

SPEAKER_01 1:45:54

Yeah, that's that. It's either it's that or it's like the little drone from Star Wars that like from episode five.

SPEAKER_00 1:46:03

It's a cool design, but it's so completely unlike literally everything else. It's like here's an array of weird freaks, and now an orb.

SPEAKER_01 1:46:11

At least the bricks were flesh bricks. There was eyes on those.

SPEAKER_00 1:46:17

So the new humans known as the ruin haunters held on to their blind belief that they were the true heirs to the history of the star people and would view all other post-humans as inferior mockeries. As the sun that the ruin haunters world orbited began to flicker, they would begin to modify and augment their bodies until they became more machine than post-human. These intelligent machines would be known as the gravitals, machines that were able to manipulate and control gravity. Their advancements and mechanization would allow them to retain their ambitions, delusions of grandeur, and zealotry. They would refuse to join the Second Galactic Empire and would keep to themselves until eventually they would lash out. They were the true heirs to the galaxy in their mechanical eyes, and all other races needed to fall. For ten thousand years, the Gravitals would wage an eradication campaign through the Second Empire, wiping out every single species except one. The first species that they attacked would be the ones they would show mercy to, but this mercy would be the same form of mercy that the Q showed the star people. Naturally.

SPEAKER_01 1:47:27

Oh. Never mind though, machine uprising, hell yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:47:33

The uh those those hunters sure did uh Oh boy, that's uh I guess they did nuke themselves into almost oblivion, right?

SPEAKER_00 1:47:42

So Yeah, but I I think I think this is perhaps a step too far even for them.

SPEAKER_03 1:47:48

Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep.

SPEAKER_00 1:47:51

Now they created the subject. Ah.

SPEAKER_02 1:47:59

Ah, and we've come full circle circle. Oh yeah, we sure have. Yeah. It's the it's it's the cover folk.

SPEAKER_00 1:48:10

And whatever the hell that other thing is.

SPEAKER_01 1:48:14

Yeah, and the and that, and the weird horse donkey guy with brain ship. The duck build plated horse man. Yeah. Is anyone getting the bad feeling that that building behind the horse thing is made out of flesh?

SPEAKER_02 1:48:33

I am getting that worrying feeling that that building behind them is made out of flesh, yes. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:48:42

And and these are all things that the the gravitals actually made, right? Yes. So the gravitals were unable to comprehend the thoughts of non-mechanical lifeforms, and for reasons unknown, they opted to take the bug faces and use them as experiments. Now known as the subjects, they served that they became the servants and livestock for the gravitals. Extreme subspecies with hypermodifications that made little to no sense outside of human-like necessity. Some would aid them in their conflicts, while others would be nothing more than living radios. Hey, could be worse, right? The colonials were filtration systems. Living radio? That's step up.

SPEAKER_02 1:49:21

So more or less the gravitals almost feel like a sort of second coming of the queue s uh scenario.

SPEAKER_00 1:49:29

Yeah, it it seems like they'd essentially just turn themselves into something just as bad. Yeah. Which just flat out sucks. And going through all of that to become successful again, only for one of your own like branches of humanity to just show up and be like, I think we're gonna do the same thing. Yeah. Yeah. The rule of the gravitals under their machine empire would last uncontested for nearly 50 million years. Oh, longer. Longer than the Q. I mean, in some ways, the majority of suffering only took 10,000 years. So that's something? Like they wiped everyone else out apart from the bug faces, but then they were also used as experiments for 50 million years. So really I think the scales of suffering are pretty much. I'm afraid the mantelopes long gone.

SPEAKER_03 1:50:26

He didn't make any arms.

SPEAKER_00 1:50:30

To be fair, I think the mantelopes didn't even evolve bad big manteloupes. So that they were gone like 90 million years ago.

SPEAKER_03 1:50:39

But in the arms.

SPEAKER_00 1:50:46

Yeah. Yeah. We'll always remember the mantelukes. So after, you know, within fifty million years there there came internal conflict. Ideologies and subsets would begin to form within the gravitals, and the unification began to slowly slip. Some would gain sympathy for the subjects and would treat them as equals, and they would be known as tolerance. I don't I just don't like how some stuff is mirroring things that happen and I don't want it. The uh the powers that be determined that the only way to stay truly unified was to find a new enemy. Humanity had always united when faced with a common foe, and the Gravitals felt that this could still work after all this time. They would decide that the best option here would be to strike at the untouched and unbothered empire of the asteromorphs. This, as it turns out, what a mistake. Yeah, should have just left them alone. A hundred percent. Because at this point, the asteromorphs would become so advanced that they were no different than gods. Uh oh wow, they actually kind of sort of look like Q.

SPEAKER_02 1:51:54

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, yeah, because I guess at this point, like they've had another 50 million years to evolve, right?

SPEAKER_00 1:52:02

Yeah. They they they have they they've they've got the power now. This is this is a a proper fuck around find out situation, and the uh the gravitals found out in a big way. Um in only a few million years of war, the ascended asteromorphs would defeat the gravitals, and the asteromorphs would become gods. They would work to recolonise the recolonize the galaxy and would convert the surviving gravitals into the new machines while stripping their gravitational controls. The asteromorphs would begin to seed worlds with new subspecies of themselves that would watch over the repopulation effort of dead planet. At which point we get the terrestrials which yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:52:47

Um I don't know I Oh uh the sort of cast is uh looking funny.

SPEAKER_02 1:52:57

Yeah. I mean it's a uh God, I don't want to say it's a spider baby, but it's like a big bulbous head of flesh with long spindly spider legs. Giant spider fetus. Yep, yep, right, right. That'll do something.

SPEAKER_00 1:53:16

Oh god. Spider fetus.

SPEAKER_02 1:53:21

Does whatever a spider fetus does.

SPEAKER_01 1:53:25

It's got buildings. You know, that's that's something. There's a brain in there, I think.

SPEAKER_00 1:53:30

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:53:31

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:53:32

Well, this lot were created to act as the eye the eyes and ears of the asteromorphs on terrestrial planets. They would supervise the development of the new asteromorph Empire and work to prevent another genocide like the machine invasion. Some civilizations would rebel against the terrestrials and they would face destruction. Some terrestrials tried to play God on their own, but ultimately, regardless of ethics, this was a far more stable existence than life beforehand. Which says a lot, doesn't it, really, about how god awful everything's been so far. Yeah. He's playing God, but you know, it's better than being wiped out by the Q or the Gravitals, so we'll take it.

SPEAKER_01 1:54:13

We've seen what happens when no one's playing God and so true.

SPEAKER_02 1:54:20

So true.

SPEAKER_00 1:54:21

We also have the new machines, which are the uh the the remnants of the gravitals.

SPEAKER_01 1:54:28

That's not a machine. That's uh that's that's the Elden Beast. Are are we are we sure this is the new machine? Because yeah, that's Oh I see I see some metal.

SPEAKER_02 1:54:39

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I I guess that's a I guess the the spindly spine thing going in and out of it is is metal and metal tendrils, right?

SPEAKER_00 1:54:47

So these are biomechanical remnants of the gravitals that served as a final punishment to them. Cause you know, you've got to get a bit of punishment in there. No less of rule in this in this.

SPEAKER_01 1:55:00

No one here wins in good in good faith.

SPEAKER_00 1:55:03

No. At least they look kind of cool. They do. They've got that going for them. Um which is something, I guess. The uh it is a vicious cycle of genetic mutilation. Yeah. Yeah, I think that sums it up nicely. Uh the asteromorphs knew that the gravitals had value in their ability to thrive in inhospitable environments. They would be stripped of their ability to manipulate gravity, their lifespans would be stunted, and their imagination would be numbed. They were provided with bodies made from nanotechnology that allowed them to constantly remake themselves to accomplish any task that they needed to. They were widespread in the asteromorph empire, but they were still rare, and they were treated with distrust from the species that would rise up in the new empire. Again, fair. Fair to distrust that. They did try and, well, successfully wipe out uh literally everything. So then we have the Amph Amphoscephali. That's how you pronounce that. Alright, alright.

SPEAKER_01 1:56:04

I don't I don't like this. The snake people have another dude coming out of their mouth.

SPEAKER_02 1:56:12

Yeah, they sure do.

SPEAKER_01 1:56:14

But you know, it's it's a fucked up dude.

SPEAKER_02 1:56:16

It's a dinosaur coming out of a snake mouth.

SPEAKER_00 1:56:21

I mean, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:56:25

Snake eating lizard, yeah. I while a covenant carrier is in the background. And the snake has completely dead eyes.

SPEAKER_02 1:56:34

So the snake might be dead. The snake might be a host.

SPEAKER_00 1:56:50

What are you doing in there, little filler? Before long, the asteromorphs would meet something truly alien, an extragalactic species known as the Amphocephali. They were both fearful of first contact, but these tensions would be pushed aside, and it would be the first peaceful extragalactic contact the remnants of humanity would make. The history of the Amphocephali was similar to that of humanity, facing constant regressions and evolutionary changes over the course of their genetic history. This began a long period of events that are not fully explained. Over an unknown period of time, galaxies would become unified and the Q would be encountered yet again, but would be defeated. Of these events, the most significant in the eyes of the individual writing the story was the rediscovery of the planet Earth. Many of the posthumans would view the rediscovery of this planet as nothing more than a snippet of trivia with little to no consequence, but the author would find the return of life on planet Earth after five hundred and sixty million years to be monumental. And for our last picture, we have a picture of the author.

SPEAKER_01 1:58:01

Oh. He's a weird one. Well, you know what? He's he's he's he's a learned fella. He's he wrote the book. Mm-hmm. Good for him.

SPEAKER_02 1:58:13

Yep. He survived the whole time.

SPEAKER_01 1:58:16

Also, that's too kind of impressed the skull survived. That's just a people skull. Like, you know, normal sapiens. I was really secretly hoping that the author was just gonna be like some dude in cryo sleep who just woke up and was like, what do you mean that's a human being?

SPEAKER_02 1:58:35

It was all a dream. Clockwork face rabbit in a suit with tentacle arm holding human skull. Yeah, that'll that'll that'll do, Shy. That'll do. That's a good description of it, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:58:49

Huh. Good on you, author. Good on you. Yeah, good on you for documenting all that. I know. I'm excited to see the sequel where you find new and horrible ways to mutate each other and then the the two come or something.

SPEAKER_02 1:59:05

I I'm glad we got back to the the cue because I was about to be like, are the asteromorphs evolved enough to take them on now? Apparently. The answer is yes. They absolutely are, and they fuck their shit up. Good.

SPEAKER_00 1:59:22

The author of this story ends with a revelation. The entirety of posthumanity has been dead for a billion years for reasons completely unknown. Oh, great. Oh.

SPEAKER_01 1:59:34

Lovely. Never mind. Lovely. Never mind. And also that again. Uh-huh. Completely unrelated reasons.

SPEAKER_00 1:59:46

Oh God, it that's what what a line. The author's fascination with humanity is sort of spurred on from humanity's seemingly resilient nature. The story of humanity was not about wars or abstract ideals, but about its life and its survival. The story he wrote is something of a best approximation of the events that had occurred billions of years prior, but he views the story of humanity as something truly inspiring. Their existence was temporary but impactful, and all those who read this should view this as a blueprint on how to live their own lives. And this is the one and only quote right at the end, and you can do the honest EK.

SPEAKER_02 2:00:28

Even now it is sickeningly easy for beings to get lost in false grand narratives, living out completely driven lives in pursuit of non-existent codes, ideals, climaxes, and golden ages, and blindly thinking that their stories serve absolute ends. Such creatures almost always end up harming themselves, if not those around them. To those like the misguided, look at the story of man and come to your senses. It is not the destination, but the trip that matters. What you do today influences tomorrow, not the other way around. Love today and seize all tomorrows. Nice. Nice, yeah. Finally got uh finally got the title drop.

SPEAKER_00 2:01:14

You know the inspiring message at the end of billions of years of pain and misery.

SPEAKER_01 2:01:20

It's a fair message, though, to be you know, in a really messed up, awful way, it does end on an almost high note.

SPEAKER_02 2:01:28

Yeah. That's a that's a solid message.

SPEAKER_01 2:01:31

And all it costed was fifty milli hundreds of millions of years of incredible genetic suffering and the machine uprising and several different races of basically gods. And intergalactic distinction. And then, yeah, and then also they just somehow vanished.

SPEAKER_02 2:01:48

Yeah. Author, who's the only one left survived. Uh how what's the unrelated event? Author, who's telling us all about this. Yes, and then they all mention a super galactic being.

SPEAKER_01 2:02:00

They all definitely died of unknown causes and we don't know what happened. Please ignore these records.

SPEAKER_00 2:02:06

And this human skull I'm holding. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:02:10

And ignore the fact that I've been alive for all of this, this 500 million year trilogy or expedition.

SPEAKER_00 2:02:19

To be fair, I think I think the author has been like researching it as opposed to being all the way through it. Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_01 2:02:27

He's an archaeologist.

SPEAKER_02 2:02:28

I was kind of reading it as like uh the author was like a super being that was just like, yeah, I just got tired of all this bullshit and I finally decided to wipe everyone out. He's actually a Q. He's a Q that was actually evolving the whole time.

SPEAKER_00 2:02:46

So uh there we go. That is all tomorrow's. And uh look, no matter how bad things are, could be worse. You could be a living brick used as a filtration system whilst also being fully sentient. And you could nothing's ever gonna be that bad.

SPEAKER_01 2:03:02

Yeah, no, that's there's a pretty it's a pretty, you know, maybe life ain't so bad. And also, you know, I could be the guy who moves by farting out of my prolapse. So again, hey. Yeah, but hey, after all that you evolve into a mega god.

SPEAKER_02 2:03:18

So I wish the machine people won.

SPEAKER_00 2:03:24

There we go, that's the takeaway from all tomorrow's the machine people should have won.

SPEAKER_01 2:03:28

I don't care about tomorrow.

SPEAKER_02 2:03:30

I don't care about the morals. Glory to the machine. Damn, asteromorph. That's a god tier prolapse.

SPEAKER_01 2:03:38

Oh god. I don't like the word of the day. I really don't like the word of the day. I don't like any of what I've seen today. This is horrific.

SPEAKER_02 2:03:50

Oh man. Uh you wanna well I I'm I'm I'm assuming we are we are done. Uh Kyrias, would you like to take us away? Oh, I gotta. Oh. Uh writer Kosman stated in 2021 that though the books had grown popular, he had almost disowned All Tomorrow's, finding parts of it a bit cringy. Uh he since changed his mind and is currently working on an expanded version of the book with almost 300 pages, and it is still a work in progress. Oh God. Oh no.

SPEAKER_00 2:04:25

Good, good. How long was the is the original, by the way? How long is like this one? Oh, you know what? I'm not sure on page length. I thought you're gonna say how long have I been recording, and that's been a solid hours.

SPEAKER_01 2:04:37

300 pages worth of recording, yeah. Yeah, I'm just now I'm imagining like he's oh, I'm just doubling the size of the book. You want to see some real fucked up stuff?

SPEAKER_00 2:04:45

Oh god, it is double the size. Oh wow.

SPEAKER_02 2:04:52

I mean, you you could expand on the um ascended asteromorphs wiping out the queue. Yeah. And having a nice little bit of vindication there.

SPEAKER_00 2:05:01

We definitely need more information on the 40 million year prolapse. That's 100% what we're gonna know.

SPEAKER_01 2:05:08

Not the 40 million year prolapse. So man. I would I would I do not want to pass go. This is uh top three settings. I don't want to be in. I hate this. Oh yeah, I would not want to be in this setting. Front labs history takes up at least 100 page.

SPEAKER_03 2:05:34

It's vital. It's vital.

SPEAKER_02 2:05:40

Oh no. Oh god.

SPEAKER_00 2:05:43

What a day.

SPEAKER_01 2:05:44

I feel somewhat beaten down by by this now. I don't want to be beaten down by a prolapse. Well, no. Thanks for listening.

SPEAKER_03 2:05:59

Question mark.

SPEAKER_01 2:06:01

I'm gonna go have a stiff drink.

SPEAKER_02 2:06:05

See you next week, or whenever we do another one of these. Do we have a schedule? I don't know. Whatever, it's fine. See ya next time.