"Trouble at the Faire"

At a Renaissance Faire, everyone wears a costume… but one of them is hiding a crime.

When the gate money disappears at a bustling Renaissance Faire, Norwood and Cross are called in to investigate — paid, unfortunately, in poultry. The only clue? A glimpse of a knight’s helmet just before the attendant was knocked unconscious.

Between jousting egos, dented armor, jealous girlfriends, and a dragon puppet with anger issues, Nicole Norwood and Jason Cross must figure out which knight isn’t playing by the rules.

With sharp banter, medieval mischief, and a mystery worthy of the royal court, Trouble at the Faire proves that even in the age of knights and queens, crime is still very modern.

A robbery, three knights, and one very suspicious flash of silver.

 Credits:

• Created, written, and produced by: Jody Lebel    vojodylebel@gmail.com         
• Directed by: Nick Omana -   nick@nickomana.com
• Project Manager and Editor: Mark Winkworth - mjwinkusa@gmail.com
• Recorded at: Munjoy Studio – Mark Winkworth
• Foley/Sound Engineer: Tyler Walker – tyler.walker56@gmail.com

VOICEOVER CAST: 

Narrator: Mike Coward   stocos28@gmail.com

Jason: Max Culter   maxbcutler@gmail.com 

Nicole: Rachel Vega  rachel@rachelvegavo

Murray: Nick Omana   nick@nickomana.com

Red and Black Knight: Ed Waldorph ed@ed-vo.com

Steve:  Mark Winkworth  mjwinkusa@gmail.com

Queen: Amber Ba'th   iamamberbath@gmail.com

Girlfriend: Peggy Lee   say.plees@frontier.com,

Sponsor: Jeanine Orci  jeanineorci@gmail.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_04 0:07

They always say they didn't do it. The spouse, the neighbor, the guy with blood on his shirt.

SPEAKER_05 0:13

Some days the city stinks of old coffee and desperate lies.

SPEAKER_04 0:17

But today, I have to say it smells especially bad in here.

SPEAKER_05 0:21

That might be my fault. I hit a sandwich in the filing cabinet yesterday.

SPEAKER_07 0:25

This is Norwood and Cross, private investigators. Where the cases are cold, the alibis don't add up, and the copier is still out of toner.

SPEAKER_05 0:36

I think Nicole's finally warming up. She only rolled her eyes at me once today.

SPEAKER_07 0:40

Let's open the file, shall we? Welcome back to the world of private investigations, where the mysteries are twisty, the suspects wear chain mail, and someone's holding a suspiciously large turkey leg. Nicole Norwood and Jason Cross, once married, now professionally tangled like two swords in a duel, no one's winning. Their romance is ancient history, but their crime solving, razor sharp. Nicole runs on logic, punctuality, and dry clean only blazers. Jason runs on instinct, overconfidence, and snacks sold from carts that probably shouldn't be licensed. She's sharp, strategic, and rarely amused. He's loose, lucky, and once tried to question a mime. Together, they're Norwood and Cross PI, solving crimes one awkward partnership at a time. Our story begins in a quiet upscale street, straight out of a luxury car commercial. Lawns are trimmed within one inch of their lives. Birds chirp politely. Into this domestic harmony creeps Jason's beat-up El Camino, coughing smoke like a crying to quit. It groans to a stop in front of Nicole's house, clearly not welcome in this zip code. Jason leans over to unlock the passenger door manually. The knob sticks just as Nicole appears on the sidewalk. She stops, taking in the car with the dismay of a woman discovering her Uber is a tractor.

SPEAKER_04 2:10

My car is in the shop, and while I do appreciate you picking me up, your car looks worse than I remember. Tell me this is a decoy car and the real one stashed behind a hedge somewhere.

SPEAKER_05 2:22

Now you've gone and done it, you've hurt her feelings. She's sensitive of better age, and especially about that one missing hubcurb.

SPEAKER_07 2:29

Nicole opened the door. It creaked like an old pirate ship. She folded herself in carefully.

SPEAKER_04 2:35

Oh, I swear the seatbelt just whispered, save yourself. And it smells in here.

SPEAKER_05 2:42

You know what else smelled bad? Last year, that dock behind Merino's fish shack, but I still found the missing wheel, didn't I?

SPEAKER_04 2:49

I do have to admit, the fact that you've ever solved anything from this mobile ecosystem is honestly kind of impressive.

SPEAKER_07 2:56

Nicole considered rolling down the window to get fresh air, then remembered this particular window crank required both upper body strength and a small prayer to the gods of rust. The car made a noise like a dying blender and lurched forward.

SPEAKER_05 3:10

If you want some good news, we're headed to a medieval fair.

SPEAKER_04 3:14

Uh, the local Renaissance fair? Why are we going there?

SPEAKER_05 3:18

Somebody hit the ticket tent. A medieval style smash and grab. And we've been asked to play sheriff. Or maybe witch finder. I'm flexible. My old friend Murray runs the thing. I refuse to wear corset. Hey, that makes one of us.

SPEAKER_07 3:31

Jason's car wheezed into a field-turned parking lot. He wedged it between two minivans. One had a bumper sticker that read, My other car is a dragon. He yanked the handbrake with a metallic screech. They stepped out onto the grass, and Nicole immediately regretted her choice of shoes and every life choice that led her to this parking lot. She covered her nose with her hand.

SPEAKER_04 3:54

Where is that odor coming from?

SPEAKER_05 3:56

Does everything smell bad to you? It's carnival people, garbage in the heat, and horse manure. We've just stepped back into medieval times. Drink it in.

SPEAKER_07 4:07

As they approached the bustling heart of the fair, banners fluttered, flutes trilled, and children ran around waving foam swords. They headed in the direction of a cheering crowd. A trio of armored knights on horseback circled a dusty track. Each carried a banner, red, blue, and black. The black knight, tall and theatrical, hissed dramatically at the crowd. Hoos and laughter erupted as he rained in hard before a dais where a woman dressed as the queen sat in royal boredom.

SPEAKER_00 4:39

Won't she mouth so night? Lest ye lose thy head.

SPEAKER_07 4:44

The crowd roared. The knight bowed with a wicked grin and galloped off, Kate flapping.

SPEAKER_05 4:54

You just hate fun, don't you? Speak of the devil, there's Murray!

SPEAKER_07 4:58

A man in a Wilted tunic with the food stain on the chest waved and quickly approached. He appeared to be in his 60s. He was rotund, sweaty, and smiling like a man who knew where all the bodies were buried.

SPEAKER_08 5:12

Jason Cross, you fabulous idiot.

SPEAKER_05 5:15

Murray the magnificent. Still peddling history to the historically indifferent. Oh, you betcha. Murray, let me introduce you to my partner, Nicole Cross. Oh, nice little side piece you got there.

SPEAKER_04 5:28

Listen, mister. I I've been called worse, but rarely by men in rented type.

SPEAKER_05 5:33

Uh, pay him no mind. He doesn't mean anything by that. So, Murray, what's going on here?

SPEAKER_08 5:40

Uh, look, I got a big problem. I thought of you immediately. Just our luck. Anyway, the fair was rolling along today just fine. Then someone snatched the day's take. The queen threatened to call the sheriff, but uh, for reasons I don't want to get into right now, I can't exactly afford to show up on his radar again. And the dragon puppet's been accidentally setting fire to things he doesn't like. But that's another story.

SPEAKER_04 6:05

And you can afford to hire private investigators?

SPEAKER_08 6:08

Yeah, well, uh, about that. I was hoping maybe uh you could do me a solid for old time's sake, you know, a favor?

SPEAKER_04 6:16

Jason?

SPEAKER_05 6:17

Look, he's a friend. And it's not like we got another case at the moment.

SPEAKER_04 6:21

No pay, no client, questionable smells. You're really making this irresistible.

SPEAKER_08 6:27

Hey, I can get you a turkey leg. A big one, extra crispy skin.

SPEAKER_04 6:32

Fine. One leg, one look. And if your dragon puppet breeds on me, I'll call the local health inspector.

SPEAKER_08 6:39

Oh, no, no, no, don't do, don't do that. I'll I'll keep him away from you. No worries, I promise. Okay, all right. So uh tell us what you know. The victim, the attendant who handled the gate entrance money, he reported he saw a flash of silver from a knight's helmet before getting knocked out. When he woke up, the money pouch was gone.

SPEAKER_05 6:58

Yeah, what time did this happen at?

SPEAKER_08 7:00

A couple hours ago, right around the time the knights were parading around the fairgrounds. They do that to hype everyone up before the jousting tournament, which just ended.

SPEAKER_04 7:08

There's only three knights, right?

SPEAKER_08 7:10

Right. And I saw all three of them where they were supposed to be this morning.

SPEAKER_04 7:14

And the attendant saw a silver flash before he blacked out? Not red, blue, or black, just silver?

SPEAKER_08 7:22

Yeah. Even though the knights carry colored banners and shields, all of their helmets are silver. He only saw a glimpse of a helmet.

SPEAKER_04 7:31

So we need to talk to the three knights.

SPEAKER_08 7:33

Yeah, we'll start with the black knight.

SPEAKER_07 7:35

His trailer is closest. On the way to the area where the performers parked their trailers, they passed a leather worker pounding out Renaissance corsets built for wenches, hoping to entice a handsome knight who owns land. Next to him was an herbalist booth selling healing tea that looked like old lawn clippings. And finally, they walked by a fortune-teller's tent that reeked of incense, desperation, and can't be. Murray knocked on the Black Knight's door. The boastful knight welcomed him in. Where he was tall, his wife was short, plump, and quiet. Jason asked a few general questions about his whereabouts at the time of the robbery.

SPEAKER_03 8:15

I went straight from here to the horse stall, mounted up, and took my place in line. When I'm on the tournament, the gate take is almost twice as high. The crowd loves to boo my character, so I play it up.

SPEAKER_04 8:30

I see a second set of armor in the back. Do all the knights carry extras, or is that unusual?

SPEAKER_03 8:36

If they're smart, they'll have a second set. It's costly. But if something breaks, you're pulled from the tournament. Cash prize isn't all that great, but I'd hate to miss a competition.

SPEAKER_07 8:48

Next, they visited the blue knight who traveled with his girlfriend. Nicole noted they were both about the same height and weight. The blue knight let his lady do the talking.

SPEAKER_00 8:58

I hate doing these stupid fares. I'm cooped up in the hot camper while he's off playing knight to the screaming women in the crowd.

SPEAKER_05 9:06

I see he has a second set of armor. It appears to be quite dented.

SPEAKER_00 9:10

Yeah. Dents I have to try and hammer out. He's not very good at this gig. Usually comes in last place, and that means we'll never get off this medieval merry-go-round.

SPEAKER_07 9:21

Next, Nicole and Jason interviewed the Red Knight and his traveling buddy and assistant, Steve. Steve was at least six inches shorter than the Red Knight and 50 pounds lighter. There didn't seem to be a second set of armor in their trailer. The Red Knight sat sprawled at the kitchen table, drinking a beer.

SPEAKER_02 9:39

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm the Red Knight. I know nothing about no robbery.

SPEAKER_01 9:44

And you, Steve, do you know anything? Well, I know I'm dying to compete. I I know I'm good enough, but I can't afford the armor. Not to mention a horse.

SPEAKER_07 9:54

Steve's jaw tightened, and he thumped his fist on the table, making a glass wobble.

SPEAKER_01 9:59

I'm biding my time assisting the red knight, but I'll do whatever it takes to get on the show, Bill. I'm determined.

SPEAKER_07 10:07

When they finished interviewing all three knights, Jason and Nicole found Murray. And Nicole told him she knew who had taken the gate money.

SPEAKER_05 10:16

It's gotta be Steve. Ambitious? Bitter? Hey, desperate guys do dumb things.

SPEAKER_04 10:21

You went for the obvious. It wasn't Steve.

SPEAKER_07 10:25

Now it's your turn, loyal listeners. Who pinched the money pouch? Solution. When the horn sounded and the knights began to make their way to the arena, the girlfriend of the blue knight, who was the same size, put on his second set of armor and robbed the attendant. She badly wanted to get off the circuit. And so, the mystery of the missing cash pouch was solved. Just another day for Norwood and Cross P.I. Where justice was served, the queen was amused, and the dragon only slightly cinched a popcorn stand. And Nicole? Well, she's still stuck riding Shotgun in a car that collects empty coffee cups like it was some kind of art installation. Next time on Norwood and Cross P.I., a dead husband, a bloody camper, and a wife who claims he slipped on ice. Can Nicole and Jason untangle a crime that's slippery in more ways than one? Tune in for a mystery that proves some marriages end with a bang.

SPEAKER_05 11:24

You know they always look at the wife when a husband turns up dead, don't you?

SPEAKER_04 11:28

Relax. If I ever decided to kill you, they'd never find the body.

SPEAKER_05 11:32

Noted. Remind me never to leave the toilet seat up.

SPEAKER_04 11:36

I think I'm gonna take an Uber home.

SPEAKER_07 11:38

And now, a word from our sponsor.

SPEAKER_04 11:40

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SPEAKER_07 11:44

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SPEAKER_04 11:47

Finally! Ugh! I was beginning to think Metro Mess had photos of you doing something unwise.

SPEAKER_07 11:53

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SPEAKER_06 12:00

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SPEAKER_05 12:46

I heard she's pretty good. Didn't she tell you that you'd meet a tall, dark, mysterious stranger, Nicole?

SPEAKER_04 12:51

Yeah. Two days after I got mugged in that alley.

SPEAKER_05 12:54

But he was mysterious. Impeccable track record, this Zorana.

SPEAKER_04 12:59

I think she's just your Aunt Linda with a wig and a fog machine.