Don't Even Bother

#23: Adult Friendships and Outgrowing Chaos

• Katiuscia + Megan • Episode 23

Share episode

Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.

0:00 | 52:04

Why do adult friendships change so much — and why does choosing peace sometimes mean choosing a smaller circle?

We're talking about adult friendships, outgrowing people, and why quality matters more than chaos as life gets fuller and priorities shift.

From letting go of surface-level connections to navigating boundaries, distance, and mismatched energy, we unpack why friendships in adulthood require more intention — and why that’s not a bad thing. We talk loyalty, communication, emotional bandwidth, and the freedom that comes from choosing relationships that feel grounded instead of draining.

No drama. No forced friendships. Just an honest conversation about keeping your circle small, real, and aligned.

If you’ve ever felt guilty for outgrowing people — this one’s for you.

00:00  Why Adult Friendships Change
03:25  Quality Over Chaos Explained
07:40  Outgrowing Friends Without Villainizing Anyone
12:55  When Friendships Start Feeling Draining
18:10  Boundaries, Distance, and Life Seasons
23:45  Emotional Bandwidth and Capacity
29:05  Loyalty vs Obligation
34:30  Letting Go of Forced Friendships
39:50  Choosing Peace Over Popularity
45:10  What Healthy Adult Friendships Look Like
50:05  Final Thoughts: Smaller Circles, Better Energy

Click to Subscribe on YouTube, Follow on Instagram +  TikTok , email us at dontevenbotherpodcast@gmail.com, + share with your cool friends :) 

speaker:

Don't even bother

katiuscia:

hear this situation. I had, I think I had told you I was trying to get the covers off of my lights to change the light bulbs. Okay. In pantry, laundry room. Then I find out that they're also, I realize that they're in the closet. It is damn near impossible to get this thing off. And so I finally gave in because I just attributed it to, we're gonna live in candlelight in the pantry and in the laundry room. And the closets have windows. So go by the natural light. Now we're on farmer's hours back in the day. But I finally gave in and I watched a YouTube and I figured it out 'cause this guy said you have to have a, a grippy glove. And you spin it counterclockwise while maybe holding the base of it. So I think, okay, genius. I do it, boom, I get one off. It takes effort and I get one off and I feel like I'm on top of the world. And then I try the next one and it doesn't move very easy. So I say, okay, we're gonna just take a break from this one in the laundry room. We're gonna go try the pantry. Go try the pantry. It doesn't work at all. It doesn't, no movement, terrible, whatever. Fine. And I'm putting a lot of strength into this, so I go back into the laundry room, 'cause now I'm determined. Maybe I loosened it up. Maybe it's like when you, you know, ask someone for help in opening a can after you've been struggling for 15 minutes. Or jar, I'm sorry. But then they do it in two seconds and you think, well I loosened, loosened it up for, I loosened it, obviously. So I thought that was gonna be the same thing with the lights. I got the second one in the laundry room off. Now I'm feeling unstoppable on top of the world. Strong as a warrior. Zena, the warrior princess over here, coming out to take down all these lights to then change them. 'cause I had to order the replacement bulbs. By the way. Three in each one is a little excessive, but when you have a frosted cover, I guess you need it. It's pretty bright with one without 'em, but whatever. Go to the pantry. I'm getting this shit done. Easy. Easy. No. Pantry will not come off. I'm convinced it's glued. I also am a thousand percent sure that I gave myself the onset of carpal tunnel, trying to spin that shit while having the grippy gloves, while also twisting my body in a weird way.

megan:

Well, and you're standing on the ladder or step stool. Yes. 'cause it's not like it's right here at Arm, you know, leverage. Capacity. You're above your head.

katiuscia:

Put it this way, I was on a three step step ladder. I didn't wanna get my six foot ladder out 'cause that seemed excessive. Three step, step ladder. I'm on the top step. I am in the pantry twisting as much as I can with my hands, but my body is also rotating and I shit you not, my step stool or my step ladder started shifting 'cause it's wood underneath it. So then I'm thinking, oh great, now I'm going to eat it. With gloves on, and I'm not even gonna be able to prop myself up, catch me, and at the end of the day, that damn cover won't come off. So this,

megan:

well, or if you had fallen, that would be the moment that it came off and it would land on you or something

katiuscia:

and it would smash.

megan:

Yeah.

katiuscia:

So it would be so, so perfect. So poetically tragically poetic, I guess. But then it just reminded me that I have a very small. Core group of people that I trust that are my friends, and this is just one that I'm gonna have to enlist one of my male friends for because I'm not gonna call the electrician out to come handle it. Right? If I see the superintendent from my builder happens to be around my neighborhood, I would ask him. He's always been very helpful for me. If I ever need anything and he's in the area, but this is something that I'm just going to enlist a male friend for. This is also the moment in my life where I realize moments like this, how grateful I am to have a small core circle.

megan:

Mm-hmm.

katiuscia:

And how I would absolutely lose my shit and die if I had to go between 40 people to try to call that were my friends. Somewhere in there, I mean, I have a lot of acquaintances, but in terms of keeping my circle small, it's because I keep people. I know I can rely on in any given minute, whether it's an emergency, a very serious matter, or a girl who can't get the light cover off in her house.

megan:

I would like to say that you cursed me as well because now my pantry light is out and I have the same kind of light fixture

katiuscia:

shit. I'm sorry,

megan:

it was like 24 hours after you sent me that text. Yeah, I think that having that it's four quarters versus a hundred pennies, right? You want, you can have acquaintances, that's great, but you want that little group of people, but even more for me than emergency situations or people I can count on to help me. 'cause lots of people want to help other people, but it's who can you call when something goes really good for you? That's gonna be genuinely happy for you with not a shred of jealousy or weirdness or competition. Those are the people.

katiuscia:

Oh, yeah. Because that's something that you can't also share with just an acquaintance because there's always something, there's a one up, one upper in so many people that just because you did or you had something good happen for you. Then they also had something good happen to them, but it was better.

megan:

Yeah.

katiuscia:

And just because you had something bad happen to you, they also did and it was worse.

megan:

Yeah. I don't,

katiuscia:

I can't

megan:

do that. So

katiuscia:

that's, I feel what you get with very surface, just the surface relationships. Nothing wrong with them. I mean, I have a ton, I do a ton of networking. There's people that I'll get coffee with that are great and it's either business or it's whatever we're doing in that moment, working together. And that's fine. There's nothing. In not, there's nothing not valuable. Hold on. There's nothing not valuable about that. Mm-hmm. There's value to be had in that. Holy,

megan:

we got there.

katiuscia:

We did. It was a, it was a trip. So, but then there's the people that, yes, you call that I always rely on, when I say call in an emergency, it's because most of the people that you would have very close to you will be so ultra stoked when you have something. Go. Good for you.

megan:

Mm-hmm.

katiuscia:

That a real, and I don't wanna say a test 'cause it's not a test, but the real, you're down in the dumps, you have all this shit going on, everything is falling apart around you and you know that even it's not gonna be good news. It's just gonna be, they're going to be willing to help you. Yes. There's a lot of people who wanna help you. We've talked about this before. A lot of them are also doing it 'cause they have that thing in them where they have to be the fixer for everything. That's annoying. I love having a small group. My best way to explain how I'm talking about this for the people who think I'm just being antisocial is I've never been married. How many did you have bridesmaids at your wedding?

megan:

Yeah.

katiuscia:

How many?

megan:

Four.

katiuscia:

Okay.

megan:

Two of them are my cousins.

katiuscia:

Okay. That's probably about what I'll have maybe, but these girls, women that I see on these videos all over the internet. Who have I

megan:

was like nine,

katiuscia:

12 or

megan:

12. Oh

katiuscia:

my gosh. Bride meets what the f?

megan:

Yeah.

katiuscia:

How do you have that many? And women are a di I mean, women are so different in their personalities that many of them together. I just think, oh God,

megan:

yeah.

katiuscia:

That's so much. I don't have, I, I probably have 12 closest. Friends, men and women? No, not even,

megan:

I don't,

katiuscia:

yeah, not even together.

megan:

Yeah. That you talk to at least once a week.

katiuscia:

And it's not necessarily that the circle's always gonna be friends. Mm-hmm. Or they're not even gonna know each other sometimes. 'cause you can have best friends all the time.

megan:

Yeah.

katiuscia:

Different ones. But that shit, when I see these massive friend groups or people who go out every weekend with their friends and there's 25 of them, I just think I can't, I'm not the person that can do it. I believe in finding the balance also of you allow, you have to be very careful at whose opinions you allow to, I don't wanna say influence you, but have an a, a heavy enough impact on you that you either change the way you look at something, change the way you do something. And I'm not talking about a specific aspect like politics or religion. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about. Something about you personally, something in your core value system that you would give weight to the opinion of someone in your core because you know that they're looking out for, they want the best for you and they're legitimately looking out for you. Whereas when someone else says it, someone who's just a friend, a casual friend that you can hang out with that it's fine. But then there's, I don't wanna say no substance, 'cause that sounds harsh, but there's no substance, and I will sound harsh even though I'm not trying to mean it harsh. I'm just saying. It's surface, right? I feel like you can have it all when you, like we talked about before, putting the people on different shelves, giving them different spaces, places, and roles in your life. But I'm so keen on keeping it small. I never wanna be going to all the things with all the people. I also feel like there's less noise with a core group of friends. And I don't like a lot of noise.

megan:

Yeah, I don't either.

katiuscia:

I don't like noise because I feel that we have, maybe this is just all the two thousands, maybe it's since we've been growing up into adults, that we are expected to give so much energy to what other people think.

megan:

Yeah.

katiuscia:

And change our mindset and let their opinions affect us so much because we, that's just what people have done and allowed for so many years. We're closing out 2025 and this shit is still going on all the time. So someone doesn't like you and then you start to feel some kind of way because of it, and you just forget that they, they cannot like you. It's okay.

megan:

Yeah. I think that's been going on since the Industrial Revolution. Probably maybe before, I don't know. But I know that I, I had greatest generation era family members who were very concerned about keeping up with the Joneses and what does it look like? And you could be super poor, but as long as you don't look super poor, everything's gonna be okay. And it was all about the optics. And that was wild because that was not a small core group of friends. I mean, yes, but not really. That was like you go to the restaurant to see and be seen. You go, you get dressed up with your new dress and you have to go show everybody this new thing. This is also a generation of women who would take pictures with their hand up on their shoulder to show off their jewelry. I don't think that's a new thing.

katiuscia:

No, but I think that it's different today in the sense of, look at the access we all have.

megan:

Oh yeah. With

katiuscia:

social media, with social media, with the media, everything is noise. How many people put shit on the internet and then they really care about what is said, whether it's positive, whether it's negative. They care about the comments, they care about the feedback, they care about everything they allow. Anything that's said. Positive or negative to affect them in any way for the rest of their day, if not for longer. Now I just don't care enough. Right. Yeah. We've talked about this before. I just kind of post what I wanna post because I like it and I wanna post it. If it upsets you, if you don't agree with it, that's cool. I don't agree with everybody either, but I'm just not an ass about it. I say what I want because I have opinions and values and thoughts and words, and I can use them just like anyone could use them. But I feel like we've just come into real bad since the internet, and I'd say since lately, the past 10 years, where people really care, maybe with the invention of, or the takeoff of social media with the Facebook and everything.

megan:

Yeah, my internet community is pretty laky. They don't like a lot of things. They don't comment a lot of things and that's fine 'cause I'm very much a lurker online. I'll post jokes and memes and stuff like that, but I'm not posting personal accomplishments all that often or things like that. And I don't care if I, how many likes something gets or I don't. That's no big deal to me. There are a handful of people that if I post something thinking, oh this, I think this person's gonna dig this, and I get that little heart. Yay. But that's it. But if I don't, it's not devastation. Emotional damage.

katiuscia:

Yeah. No emotional damage.

megan:

And I think we've talked about it before, that the internet can be your cultivated small circle of friends and memes and or it can be a huge group of acquaintances and people who make you feel bad about yourself. And so you have to really work at making it what you want it to be.

katiuscia:

And I do feel social media shouldn't be for kids. Oh,

megan:

absolutely

katiuscia:

not. That got way, maybe when it started and it was just friendly a IM messaging or something among each other at school. But I feel with actual social media and not just messaging platforms, kids are way too susceptible, easy to prey on, number one, easily influenced two. And three, they're trying to figure out who they are. They don't need all these ideas floating in their head of what should be beautiful or acceptable or funny or whatever it is. How to dress, how to do this. No dude, figure it out and go through your awkward phase like everybody else without looking at the internet for makeup tutorials.

megan:

It was bad enough. With 17 Magazine, we don't need kids

katiuscia:

where

megan:

12-year-old kids trying to do full face makeup tutorials.

katiuscia:

Right where the headband, that was a claw. That elastic one that you put around your neck, put that on.

megan:

Oh yeah. Those were awful.

katiuscia:

They're coming back though. 'cause I saw them recently that it was some, some young girl had posted this vintage thing and I go vintage.

megan:

Oh shit.

katiuscia:

Nineties vintage. That hurt a little bit. I think it's the art of finding the balance of respecting other people's opinions. While also not letting them affect you and giving that much of a shit. I respect your opinion if it's something valid, especially if I'm doing something wrong and someone says, Hey, just a piece of advice, right? I do have people who will come to me and say, love what you're doing with this. Love this. I can, I'm just gonna offer a piece of advice. You could tell me to fuck off if you want. I'm gonna just tell you because this is great, but what if you did it this way? Cool. I'm down. Give me all the constructive criticism. But it's who it's coming from. Mm-hmm. It's how it's delivered and it's how, where that person is in your life, but also where they're at in their own personal life.

megan:

Yeah.

katiuscia:

In the sense of if you have someone giving you life advice and their life is a hot mess. I don't really know if you're the best person to trust on it.

megan:

Yeah,

katiuscia:

right. Or to take, to be delivering advice. Yeah. But I'm still gonna listen to it with love, but I would never, it's, it's just so hard. I had to learn that in a very challenging way, back to boundaries and trying to figure out what to give air to and now. I just, I had to go through shit to get here. Always. That's how you learn. It's the lesson and it's what it's, well, it's if you take the lesson out of it, but it's just, it's really hard when people just let what other people say affect every aspect of their life. It's hard to then interact with those people because their entire mood can shift.

megan:

Mm-hmm.

katiuscia:

Immediately because they heard something bad. They heard that someone doesn't like them. They're letting everyone else's opinions affect their whole life and how they move forward. And that just, that's a shitty place to be at. I would think. Again, I never got to that point, but there were things that were said that made me question, and if I ever have to question something that I'm doing that I know I'm doing it correctly. Right. But this was maybe something that was said to me that was a preference of someone else, that I was messing up in every way and I'm not, I wasn't. You just have to learn to turn off that noise.

megan:

Yeah, I see that a lot at my kids' school with people caring about other people's opinions and people trying to garner the attention in favor of the wealthier parents. And it's wild to watch 'cause I don't give a shit. I am polite. I will be friendly if your kid's friends with my kid and maybe we're not. Like, you're not my people, but I'll be friendly to you. That's fine. But there are definitely people there who go above and beyond to try to place themselves in the cool crowd or whatever they're trying to do, and it's just exhausting. It's exhausting to watch. There's one mom I can think of who is constantly telling you how athletic her kids are. They won this and they won that, bro, I didn't ask, can we not just pretend like just, Hey, how's it going? Okay, goodbye. I don't wanna, I don't wanna do this. And she will constantly try to drop what kind of car she drives and how much money they spend at the fundraiser and it's just. It's exhausting. She is an energy vampire. I am so drained after even a five minute chit chat with her. This is not somebody I'm spending lots of time with. And so I, a long time ago, once I started realizing that there are people who. Feel great after I've socialized with them and then people who I feel drained and hung over after I've socialized with them, and those are the people I need to not be giving any energy to. I've really, really made that a priority to just not, like I said, I'm not mean to them. I'm not rude to them, but I've definitely had to just say, listen. I actually did have one gal that I had to break up with her as a friend because she was an energy vampire and I was so exhausted, fully drained of all of my blood. All of my energy after spending a day with her. And she was a sweetie pie, super duper nice, but just exhausting. So I had to call a lot of people to create that small core group of people who fill my cup, who are supportive of me, who I can go to with good things or bad things. And they're there, they got my back. And that's, that's clut.

katiuscia:

Everything else is just noise. When you have really strong, solid friendships, everything else when it comes to that, whatever those aspects are, right? It might not be work. It just, when it comes to the social, personal, interpersonal relationship level, everything else becomes literal noise. So I never want to hear shit of anyone else. Surface acquaintances. I don't need the full story. So the lady with the kids and that you, especially if you're not friends, and it doesn't matter to you, that's something that it's actual noise.

megan:

Mm-hmm.

katiuscia:

And it's just filling your brain with other thoughts that you're trying to also dump. But now you heard 'em, it's like the jury, right? Yeah. Oh, scratch that. You can't hear that anymore. You can't use that. Yeah. But we heard it once you hear something, and that's why I'm a huge fan of silence as well. So when I do have those days that I don't have to talk to anyone, don't have to do anything, I really value and cherish that silence, that's where I probably will be more of a texter than a voice memo er like I normally am. Because if I don't have the energy to formulate, and then a lot of times, as has been very apparent, even on this podcast, I lose my words of where I'm going with something and it's there, but sometimes I'm just gonna have to text it out or try to Google what I'm trying to say by giving the definition. So it's a reverse. Game show type deal in my brain going on all the time. Can't really figure it out. But you know, we're trying and I feel everything that we hear, everything I see on social media, my social media now has gotten so, I don't wanna say saturated, but it's with my business, the professional aspect, I just keep my social media. Together because what you see is what you get with who I am in business, I'm not any different than needing to have a personal page to make all that private. I share what I want. I know that it's going public. I know that it's gonna be seen. Is it the 16,000 plus photos I have on my phone? How many of those are not on social media? Oh yeah. A lot. Because those are just for me. I don't share every aspect. I share what I'm okay with sharing and certain things I keep for me. But then I look at just the, the whole overall, not only social media, media and I think we are constantly being fed with shit that we don't need to hear every day, whether it's ads, legacy media, I'm not even gonna say news, legacy media. And between that and the social media influencers. And then the people that you're not really good friends with, but they followed you and then you felt like you couldn't say whatever. So all of that, we just need to shut it off. We've talked about it, how the powers that be and the people behind the curtain are really just trying to keep us against each other and divided. Mm-hmm.

megan:

And super distracted.

katiuscia:

And what better way,

megan:

yeah.

katiuscia:

Than to be loud about many things at once and keep us that way. Keep us not seeing what's actually going on. Keep us not thinking for ourselves. Keep us continuing to be lazy in the sense of we just go with whatever's easiest and whatever's accessible and quick, and we just take that for what it is. So between the weight of opinions, you give your energy into caring about other people's opinions that shouldn't matter because those people don't matter to you. And then hearing what you hear on legacy media about what's going on in the current news world climate, I'll say,

megan:

yeah.

katiuscia:

Then all of a sudden you can't even focus on what's right in front of you and what you should be giving your energy to, because at that time you're so split that you literally can't anymore. It's too much.

megan:

Yeah, it is all just noise. 24 hour news cycle. We were not meant to have instant information at our fingertips all the time, and it feels like we're being bombarded with everything that's happening, but I know that we're not getting the actual important information of what is happening. We're just getting bread and circuses. It's like a meme that I see all the time. Who would've thought that having a tiny device with all the world's information and it would've made us all dumber, but I feel that's what's happened

katiuscia:

For sure. When you have everything right, where you can just type it and get the answer, or you can voice ask, it takes away the need to have to do anything. Yeah, you don't even have to type anymore. You can get the answer instantly. Probably within less than a second it can populate. It starts. So I just feel that we're all becoming almost numb to this.

megan:

Mm-hmm.

katiuscia:

And I worry about the kids in college. I simultaneously worry about them, but then I also have hope because my nephews in college, I'll bring stuff up to them about What are you and your friends talking about on this situation? Oh, we haven't really talked about that much, and I think, oh my gosh, you're doing it right. You're not seeing it all the time because you guys are out doing stuff. You're working out, you're in class, you're in fraternity stuff, you're doing things that. We want the kids of this world to be doing is, it's what we did. We were in the moment. You guys are being in the moment and experiencing college. You're not paying attention to all this shit that we have. And for us, it's all we can, a lot of us can think about in terms of not what other people say. 'cause I really, I really don't. If I did something to offend you, then that's when obviously I would want the chance to remedy or to have clarity on that. But for me, it's what you see is what you get. I keep my circle small. I really love that. I value that so much. I just want the noise off. And right now, if it's not the opinions of other people that are affecting me, because I do respect what other people have to say, it's huge. Like you have a right to your opinion. I respect that you have an opinion, and I respect even that you're bringing it up, even if it's, you know, right. If it's different, I don't have to agree with it, but that's the whole beauty of just communication. What I don't like is the noise from legacy and social media, especially based on such big topics that we've been faced with now for a few months, which is just, it's all too much. It's because it's everywhere you look and I can try to, you know, keep curating my algorithm to give me what I need. And it's rare that I've got tv, legacy media on, but. That is just how do you get out of that when it's just so embedded that if you watch one thing, then you're gonna get five and then you're gonna rabbit hole. And I am rabbit holed out. I'm gonna tell you that right now. I am so down a rabbit hole. I feel like I'm digging with a espresso spoon to get out of it. That's a lot. That's gonna take forever. 'cause it's just tiny, tiny movements.

megan:

Yeah, I've always tried to, with things that are possible rabbit hole things I like to say, I like to dip my toe in the conspiracy lake so I know what's going on. I know generally what's being said. If something strikes my interest, I might go a little deeper, but I try really hard to just be like maybe in a floaty on the lake, but I don't wanna go into, I don't wanna go super down deep because that gets exhausting. After a while,

katiuscia:

I'm exhausted. Yeah.

megan:

And I'm already exhausted even without that, right? Because we've talked about it before. Once you see it, you can't unsee it. And once you have gone down one rabbit hole, it makes it so much easier to go down any others because you just want to find the answers and you wanna find the truth. This thing over here is obviously a distraction. Well, why'd they put that distraction there? And once you see those things, you kind of start programming yourself to just follow those clues, but you don't always have to.

katiuscia:

But it's so easy.

megan:

Yeah.

katiuscia:

So it's like it's, it's not just a rabbit hole, it's that once you're in that rabbit hole, if you look to the left of you, there's, it's Alice in Wonderland. There's three doors. Yeah. And you're, now, you're faced with, oh shit. I can go in any of these three doors and go down an entirely, it's a rabbit hole. Within a rabbit hole. This is some. Square root stuff. Yeah. Just embedded deep where you just think, ugh. And right now for me it's been Charlie Kirk for a few months. 'cause I'm just wildly trying to, I got it out of my algorithm for a while. 'cause I was really, even when I was in Europe, I was, that was on my social media. So I was watching things and listening to people's takes on it in independent journalism, which I love, which I'm pro like, let's do it. Do the digging, do the stuff. I can't start doing that because I feel that then who's, everyone's lying to us. That's the problem with a rabbit hole of a conspiracy is that now you're faced with the fact that the people, you should be trusting in everything maybe you can't trust and all of the things, and I'm not even personally affected by it on one level, but I was so personally affected by his assassination on many levels because he's someone that I watched and respected and admired. And just that whole, the whole situation behind him and everything that happened because of what he was doing, because of that, I understand the way they're saying doesn't make sense. So I'm down like, let's go do it. Find it. I'm fine with it. I love it. But I did get it outta my algorithm for a minute and then, I don't know, a few days ago I saw, I think someone. It might have been my mom that sent me one thing, or I went back in my saved collection mm-hmm. Of reels on my Instagram and I saw one thing. And guess what? It's all back.

megan:

Yeah.

katiuscia:

It's all back. So I'm really trying, I'm trying not to go down it, but I appreciate people who have their own theories, have their own not theories, have their own investigations that are going on in. Maybe assumptions, which is the same as theories into what may have happened. But my point is, if you keep lying to us, we've said before, we're just gonna ask more questions. And you couldn't give me any amount of the money in the world to believe that it was the kid that they arrested.

megan:

Yeah, there are a lot of, a lot of questions on that one, and the fact that those questions aren't being answered and that other people aren't asking those questions just brings up more questions.

katiuscia:

People that should be asking those questions mm-hmm. Aren't asking those questions and then they're condemning people who are asking those questions and I just feel this is a game of what, it's a lot of noise and I need to turn it off, but I can't. So as much as I wanna turn off the noise and I can of other people's opinions and don't let the energy affect me on that. With things like this, with things that I was invested in, and you think that you should have an answer because the whole world is watching.

megan:

Mm-hmm.

katiuscia:

And the whole world has been watching many things, but a guy that had that much impact on so many people in the world, from faith level, from a freedom of speech, and just healthy debate level, belief in your own principles. There's so many things and his values. Everything. He was just so convicted. You want to think that we should have the answers because everybody's watching and you just can't sell. You can't sell me that there was that kid, and then when you pulled those texts, good. Gracious. Yeah. So anyway, when I say turn off the noise to try to just keep your mind healthy, that's one thing that I can't turn off until it's resolved. And I don't know if it's ever gonna be resolved. I don't know if Charlie Kirk is our generation's JFK, where in a hundred years or 50 years. You know what I mean? They're gonna finally say, oh, we have all of the information.

megan:

Yeah, here's the Zapruder tapes.

katiuscia:

And I just feel terrible that. He's got a wife and babies that have to live this every day. But then there's also part of me that's like, if you know anything, if you're being forced to stay silent, whatever, then my brain goes to, because I always think worst case scenario for everything, maybe just say it, but then that's a whole other rabbit hole. So it's, it's noise. So they constantly have us going, but look what's being done while the world is trying to figure out what truly happened to him, what's going on in the world.

megan:

Yeah.

katiuscia:

I don't know.

megan:

Yeah, that was one that I still have a lot of questions and normally I get pretty bull doggy with questions. I wanna find the answers, but that was one that I knew for my best interest, I had to just set down and know that God knows the answer to that. I can't go down that hole for my own mental health. I had to just set it down.

katiuscia:

You know what the thing, the thing is, I think I would've been better if they didn't find anyone. Or they didn't say they found anyone.

megan:

Right,

katiuscia:

and they just made it almost, uh, not a manhunt, but almost just an investigation that was continuous, because then of course you would have people with their theories and doing their journalism online, but you wouldn't have the comparison of the clear contrast of. This is what they're telling us and this is what we're finding. Yeah. It wouldn't be so blatantly obvious that we're lied to or just not being told the whole truth of it. And that's what I think is affecting me more. Because I think if I just knew, if I didn't know that there was anyone, if I thought that this was still an unsolved case, which it very much is, but. If that's all I thought, then I wouldn't give as much air to everything else. But now I'm seeing this is what you're being told. This is what we're finding. This is why what you're being told doesn't make sense. Boom. And it's everything. And you just think, well, holy shit now. Now what? Yeah, that's my noise. That's all. I don't know what you have going on in your life that's super noisy right now in social media or media, but. That's for me, it's gonna be Charlie Kirk until it's solved or until there's an answer. That makes sense.

megan:

Yeah. My, my algorithm gets a little froggy sometimes with, you know, you like one thing or you save one thing and now you get 30 videos of that all in a row. And even if they're valuable, I try to be really conscious of who's pushing this on me and who's, even if it's good, healthy information, how to make yourself a better person or how to, whatever. Here's recipes that don't use seed oils. Whatever it is, it gets a little much, and it's kind of diminishing returns. And so I try really hard to cultivate that so that I'm not getting those things. I'm not getting too much of one thing and just set it down. So there'll be days where you've sent me 30 messages and another friend has sent me 10 and somebody else has sent me five, and I'll just have so many that I just can't do it, can't do it that day. And I do have a, a good friend who says that she takes a social media Sabbath every weekend, and it has really refreshed her because she is on it for her business. And it's working great for her, but she has to take one day a weekend to just stop and not be on her phone and be fully present with her kids. I don't know that that's what I necessarily want to do, but I definitely have days where I just pop on there and I'll look at a couple things and if it's not uplifting or it's not funny, or if it, if it's getting a little heavy, then I'll just put it down. I'll go do something else. I mean, they've designed it to be addicting, so it's really difficult to make that conscious effort to not get sucked in into it, especially if you are conspiracy minded or prone to rabbit holing. I think they've really dialed it in with us of, here's another rabbit hole that you could go down. Have you ever thought of this? What about this? And now I'm to the point where I think that they are planting conspiracy theories to keep me distracted from the real ones.

katiuscia:

Oh geez. Extra conspiracy theories now. Yeah. Shoot. I don't know if that's a, if that's a very good, that's a very good thing. And now you're going to, that's all I'm gonna think about.

megan:

Yeah. So

katiuscia:

is this real? No. Could this have been real and have any legitimate weight at all? But I will say I am thankful that those people are also the people that I have on my social media. Yeah. For sending back and forth things. That's why they're in my inner circle, because if you have very similar belief system, value systems, not belief system, value systems, then you're going to, and you've already also obviously connected on many levels, then that's gonna be easy for you to just have those people. But. I can't even go through my social media as much as with all the things I get. I have to, you'll find that I typically do it once a week if I have time, and then I get halfway through it because I've waited a week to do it. So I'm extremely far behind.

megan:

Oh, I have things from you that are two weeks old.

katiuscia:

Yeah.

megan:

That I'm just now barely catching up

katiuscia:

on. So it's just you. You've got to take the time to go through it. But everything else, that's all it is, is it's just filling our brains.

megan:

Yeah.

katiuscia:

Noise that doesn't need to be there. There is beauty in silence everyone.

megan:

Yeah.

katiuscia:

Just for yourself and not being on a phone and scrolling on a phone, also talking on a phone. Sometimes it's just you need the silence for yourself. Whether it's, 'cause you know, if you want the music to hear something or if you just want pure silence, I'm good. Sometimes with pure silence, I'm okay with it. Makes me just think and. Or just breathe, get back to, focused on a good way of breathing to try to calm myself down. Or, you know, calm nerves, relieve whatever is going on. You can do a lot with your breath and silence, of course, but I look at the people who have, again, their weekends are packed with so many people, and then they're also super active on all the things, social media. How do you have all this energy to give air to all of this? You've gotta be sacrificing something because I don't even think it's humanly possible.

megan:

Yeah.

katiuscia:

To have all of it.

megan:

Maybe it's an extrovert thing. Maybe they get energy from that. I don't know. 'cause I sure don't it. It's exhausting.

katiuscia:

They would get energy from it where it drains us.

megan:

Yeah.

katiuscia:

But still, it's just so much where I would never have 12 bridesmaids. I want it to be small. I want it to be people. I trust people I know that I would not falter in anything and same with me.

megan:

Yeah, that's really valuable. Like I said, my favorite analogy for that is four quarters, over a hundred pennies. I'd rather be with the people who get me, people who like me, appreciate me and value me rather than people who don't. And not everybody is your people, and that's okay. There was some show once that was talking about dating, but I think it applies to any relationship friends or romantic or whatever. And they were talking about how when you're dating, it's like buying a lottery ticket and that might not be a winning lottery ticket, but nobody gets heartbroken over not getting a winning lottery ticket that might not be your person, and that's okay. So be thankful that you know that it's not a winner and you move on. Rather than investing so much time with other people's expectations or opinions or whatever of you, you need to find your. Core values for yourself. Find your core people who share those values and then cultivate from there. And I think that goes along with if you are being authentically yourself, you're going to attract the things that are for you and you're going to repel the things that are not for you. And for a lot of us, that's, it can be tricky. And I've talked about that before where I'm not trying to be somebody different, but I'm pretty quiet at first. And I'm not always just a hundred percent my whole self. When you very first meet me, I'm usually reading the room and how weird can I be in this situation? So that makes it harder sometimes for me to really find the people. But the people I have found are solid and I'm, I'm really thankful for them and that's okay. So I can be totally myself, I can be weird, I can be sad, I can be all the things with those people and then I can still be quiet with people who don't. The mom who wants to talk about what kind of cool car she has or the moms that buy all their kids uniforms, brand new, whereas I'm getting 'em at the uniform exchange and that's not, they're not bad people. We're just have different priorities and that's okay.

katiuscia:

I guess I would like to know how many friends. Do you, do people think they need to? The people who have a lot of friends, I would like to know, do you have them kind of matched out or split out in, well, these are my absolute best friends. These are just the friends that we do social things with. Is it like this? Or do you just literally want that many bridesmaids and groomsmen in your wedding? Do you want 15, 12, 15 people? Is that legit? Do you have that many core people?

megan:

Yeah. Are those core people?

katiuscia:

Are they all, I don't core people. 'cause building core relationships takes a lot of energy and I again, could all be down to the personality of the person, right? Sure. How extroverted are they? Are they matching up with people equally? Let's go as them. Okay. But I have a lot of people that I love and trust, but in general, in terms of family and good friends, and. Whatever the core people, but it's just always shocking to me when I see all that. I just can't, I'm not one of those people. And that's fine if you are that person, legitimately, that's, I don't understand it. I love it for you, but I, I can't, my, I can't get there. My brain can't even understand how it's even possible just because of the way I function, I guess the way my brain and my. Whole mind works for everything. It's always spinning and going. Then the people who are still stuck on needing that validation or needing people to like them as adults, not as kids, 'cause kids. It's easier for kids to fall into that, especially peer pressure from others. But unfortunately, adults have the peer pressure of the internet and what we hear people that we look up to, and if you look up to a celebrity, I'm sorry, you need to look up to someone better. But if you're looking up to what the celebrity is saying to do and listening to whatever they're saying, then that's a lot of noise that I would like to know how you balance your own daily life. At your home? Genuinely, how do you split off that portion of your brain to care about what everyone thinks and make the necessary, what you feel are the necessary adjustments to what they're saying to do? Where's the line between authenticity and show? I wanna know, is it hard? Is it exhausting? You can tell us and we'll, um, we'll make it anonymous. I'm not gonna call someone out for sharing that, but I would legitimately wanna know if you are someone who. We'll call it an art 'cause it is an art and to some degree of balancing a normal life at home and then being anyone that you think everyone needs to have and needs to have in front of them. Whether it's the people who like the fancy things and you wanna talk about that, whether it's the people who like sports and then all of a sudden you, so it's the, I'm a good chameleon in networking and in business situations. I can chameleon, I can read the room. But the true chameleons who can change everything to different personalities of people, and we're talking parents of kids, and when you have a full life, how do you manage it? What are you on?

megan:

Yeah. Well, we've talked about before there's a line between taking care of yourself and being selfish and walking that line is freaking tricky. There's a line between being able to go and talk to other people who aren't just like you. And being a bit of a social chameleon. You're not so aggressively yourself that you're alienating other people, but then being such a chameleon that you're never being authentic. And so that's a line that has to be walked to. And I don't know how many people are really and truly walking that line in a healthy way.

katiuscia:

I just wanna know how it's handled. I'm fascinated.

megan:

Yeah.

katiuscia:

Honestly, because to allow the opinions of others to influence how you navigate and do things, it's, I don't want it, I wanna make that clear, but I, no,

megan:

it's just fascinating.

katiuscia:

I am fascinated as to how life is. Are you tired at the end of the day? I'm tired at the end of the, I'm tired, so I would like to know, are you tired? I'll get coffee with you, but I just wanna know how this is done, how this is managed to hear everything and to give weight in actual care because I can't, it's, I think it's important to not, I think it's important to live your life the way you wanna live your life according to your own beliefs and value systems and what you want. And do what makes you happy. Also, while following the law, clearly it's just a, I don't know, man. I can't, I can't have a big circle. I gotta keep it small. I gotta keep it core and I gotta keep it quiet. That's how I survive. So my homework is, somebody on the internet please needs to, some independent journalist needs to please tell us, or everyone needs to tell us what really happened. To Charlie Kirk, and then at least that won't be noise for me anymore, and that will be settled and I will be settled and so will everyone else in this case, like his family. That's my lesson of the day. I need to be able to shut that noise off, but I, there needs to be a solution. I'm a very solutions driven person and I need answers and solutions. And it needs to be quiet.

megan:

Yeah. I don't know what my criteria is for the answers that I need versus things that I can set down. Because there are definitely times where I'll drive by a piece of construction equipment and go, what is that? And now I have to know because I will think about it for the next six days and I cannot, I will hyper fixate on it. I will go find the answer to that. But bigger like Charlie, that's one that I had to set down. I don't know what it is in my brain that makes that delineation, but I think you have to find, you know, the things that you need the answers to, and then the things that you're okay to set down and just let God handle that one.

katiuscia:

God's got a lot on his plate. There's a lot that needs to be handled in the world right now. But also the next time I have an update, I'm gonna have new. Light bulbs in all of my fixtures for sure.

megan:

I may or may not

katiuscia:

that

megan:

I, I have motion sensor lights underneath the shelves in my pantry.

katiuscia:

Oh.

megan:

So even if, because people just leave the lights on at my house all the time, activating the 75-year-old man in my brain. And so, uh, we have the rechargeable motion activated lights That's nice. In the pantry. And so even though the big light is not working, it's not the end of the world and we can still mostly function. Without it, but

katiuscia:

I just have those lights in too many places that if they've lasted almost five years, yeah, I wanna almost swap them all out at the same time. Almost like the smoke detector batteries that I have on schedule to do every year, and I do those.

megan:

Oh, good for you. Every year, I can't tell you the last time I, I realized how expensive it was gonna be to buy nine volt batteries for as many smoke detectors as we have in our house. And I was like, it's not critical.

katiuscia:

Buy 'em at Costco. Buy 'em at Costco when they're, when the Duracells are like $3 off. I do it once a year and I do all of them because I was, it happened to me once, I was woken up by the chirp in the middle of the night. Oh, that trip is

megan:

so annoying.

katiuscia:

And you know, they're all, they're hardwired, but they're hard stealing batteries, but they communicate. If one goes off. Yeah. It's like a whole dance. Yeah. I don't wanna be in that weird Nutcracker Ballet. No, because it's annoying and I want no part of it.

megan:

So if they chirp, I'll change it right away. But

katiuscia:

year every, every August disciplined sets off in mile. It's an annual reminder. It will buzz me. It's like on my phone, it's, that's it. It's set. It's a whole ass thing. And I love having annual reminders, but I'll do the same with the lights.

megan:

Okay.

katiuscia:

And that's what we're gonna do. So that'll be the update for next time.

megan:

Okay.

katiuscia:

And I still wanna know how y'all manage to have so many people and so much stuff, and I guess just extroverts who, this is your life, just holler, doesn't give tips of survival when we're in those situations.

megan:

If you had or are planning to have a dozen bridesmaids, not, it doesn't have to be specifically 12

katiuscia:

eight or more.

megan:

I was gonna say more than five. It's not judgment. I am not judging you. I legitimately want to know, are they all, do you talk to all those people every day? Did you have them in your wedding because they had you in their wedding? Like I want to know how that works. What kinds of friends are those?

katiuscia:

Also, is it one group of friends?

megan:

Yeah.

katiuscia:

Is it a core?

megan:

Do they all know each other?

katiuscia:

Do they all know each other? 'cause we're saying we have core,

megan:

is this like a group text of 15 people?

katiuscia:

But is this the group text of that many people? We wanna know.

megan:

Yeah,

katiuscia:

we're really curious,

megan:

super curious

katiuscia:

just to how it works.

megan:

So that's gonna be,

katiuscia:

I don't want it

megan:

the answer that I need, but I only can think of one person and I don't know her well enough to go ask her that question without coming off sounding super judgy. So.

katiuscia:

It's not judgy though. No, it's not. It's literal curiosity. This is how people learn and how future people like us don't ask these questions on a podcast because we got the answer very upfront. I'm just curious.

megan:

Yeah.

katiuscia:

How, what, when, where, why aren't those the uhhuh? Hell yeah. Look at me remembering something from early education. Uh, I wanna know all those things. If you have groups of I, it has to be 10 or more. It just makes more sense.

megan:

Okay.

katiuscia:

Because you can have eight if you've got sisters and stuff, whatever, 10 or more. If you're a group of 10 friends or more that you do everything together, you're in each other's weddings, you go on trips together, holy hell, all of the things. I wanna know The five, whatever I just ask please. It's just for curiosity. It's just to. Make me understand that I guess it can work for some people and I'm just not one of them, and you're clearly not either.

megan:

Yeah. I love understanding things about, I love hearing other people's stories. I love understanding things about other people because that's the fucking point.

katiuscia:

Of course, actually, if you're one of those people and you wanna talk about it, come on

megan:

the podcast,

katiuscia:

we wanna hear about how you balance a summer.

megan:

Oh,

katiuscia:

with not only all those friends, but you also have to be the person who's willing to chameleon. You are the chameleon also to every different professional group. If you're a mom, it's the parent groups. It's all of that. You have to be, and you, you well, you have to care enough. You actually take the weight of other people's opinions. You carry that. So maybe we split this in stages of, if you wanna talk about how you manage a social life, being a full-time employee, a full-time wife or mom, or just like you have many full-time things that then you have zero time. I wanna know how you manage the 10 friend group.

megan:

Okay. So

katiuscia:

extrovert in the summer during wedding season,

megan:

extrovert, citizen.

katiuscia:

Yeah, hit us up, let us know. And that's it. And have a good day to everyone, except if you eat snacks very loudly in like a quiet music show or theater, shame, shame on you. It's not. Nice, gross. Bye bye.